My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Too Honest, As I Expected
I don't own the characters nor any of the base story.
So…this is my first story in English, just practicing, so I'm sorry if you find any spelling mistake, as it's not my native language.
Another warning, I've watched "Oregairu" a long time ago, only up to season 2…and sorry, but I'm not watching it again…My brain is already full with the fics of the anime, and besides, I'm not planning on making a recreation of the original work word by word or dialogue by dialogue.-
Soooo…This is gonna be practically a new story, with events based upon the original work, please don't complain about OOC moments, as I said, I'm just going to use this project to sharpen my English.
On another point, this fic is gonna have elements of another anime, guess which! Not doing it out of some morbid wish, just wanna make Hachiman's past a little more interesting, not saying that the bullying or rejections weren't enough…but he being edgy and a practical 'emo' (though he called it being a "realist", but, no…he's just an emo at that point in his life) because of that, it's just seems a little condescending to me, so, I wanted to give him some juice and justifications to his way of thinking.
With that said, enjoy my little, stupid, and relatively inconsequential work.
You can review as you like and I will listen, as long as you don't ask about:
- Story related subjects, as discussing it would be a little spoilery, but plot holes are fine to be pointed out.
- The length of the chapter, because…hey, I'm not being paid here, just writing from the good of my heart.
- Complains about low update rate…yeah, as I said before, not being paid here…
Hope you enjoy!
I, Hikigaya Hachiman, was victim of the abuse of this society, the false masks that they put on, the lies which the so called "friends" spew.
I could not look at people in the eye, it was enough that in elementary school they started bullying me, or as the adults at that time would call it, trying being my friends, I don't know how they think that normal friends are, but I think that that's a bunch of bullocks, pardon my language.
Anyway, things hit the fan, as they say, after I confessed to Orimoto. Everything went downhill from there, so yeah, the lot that followed after that just killed my social life, specially when the whole school just heard about it, my dead fish eyes didn't help, her friends laughing at me didn't help, and most of all, my self-deprecation didn't help.
It was around that time that I had enough, and I transferred schools after my first year in middle school, I ended up returning to Tokyo…
What happened after that, I'm not really comfortable discussing it.
A part of me died a little with her.
I had hit rock bottom after that.
I was at my lowest, my only safe haven was my cute little imouto, my little sister Komachi, I can hate the world for what it did to me, for what it took…for who it took from me, but at the end of the day, I can only thank it for giving her to me as my sibling.
I returned to Chiba, broken, with only half of me left.
It was at this precarious situation that I just wanted to run, run where no one could find me— where my…friends couldn't follow me, where no one would know, where no one would tell me to move on…and burned my eyes studying to get in at one of the most famous school in Chiba, Sobu High School, as a bonus, ninety percent of its population were females, so technically I was throwing my self at a nest of snakes…
It was risky.
If I was lucky, none of them (girls I mean) would get me expelled for just looking at their general direction, because, you know, and as I say, my eyes didn't help.
"Just what went wrong?" is what I ask myself, how can I avoid slipping on the same rock?
I thought I saw the signals, I texted with Orimoto, I even talked to her every so often, not a lot, may I add, but there was something, it wasn't friendship nor were they romantic feelings, that I know now, but what was it?
I wanted to give up, if it was like that, it wasn't worth it, I knew from the start that I was a lost case. I had my hopes up after the Orimoto incident, right in Tokyo, I met her, I made friends, I was…back, I was doing it, I was doing what I abandoned and thought I would never do again…but…she's no longer, my friends are far away, I ran away from everything. I was alone…again.
The only person in the world, the only real and honest relationship that I had left, was my sister, so it's okay, if no one wanted to be my friend.
It's okay if they wanted to ignore me.
It's okay if they wanted to leave me alone.
I can live with that.
I can survive like that.
I spend most of my life learning how to avoid people, read their intentions, know when they wanted to mock me, hurt me.
Is okay, I didn't care anymore.
It was one of those rare nights in which my mom arrived earlier, but my sister was asleep.
I couldn't sleep, my throat was dry, I felt tired, it was about my resolution, I didn't need them, I was in the middle of brainwashing myself and I needed water for the process to continue.
My brain was dry…
I saw my mother, sitting in the living room fiddling with her phone, she looked tired.
Should I talk to her?
Does she want me to?
I think…I think I would only bother her, I guess.
I was in the middle of fetching a glass when I heard her voice.
"Haa-chan, why don't you sit down with me for a bit" she said while patting the seat next to her gently.
That was weird, my mother never talked to me, I mean, we recognized each other existence but, normally, the energy she had left after work would go to Komachi, not that I was complaining, if I was in her shoes, I would choose her over me any day.
I complied with the demand, I sat down and but couldn't look at her for some reason.
I felt ashamed.
Of what I was, of what was about to become of me, of what my mind was doing to myself.
Those were the word she said, but…
Why was she apologizing?
There's no reason to apologize, does she know? Did Komachi told her? That was unnecessary, her dear brother was just going through a phase, everything was going to be okay…
I didn't need them.
I was okay with being alone.
If they wanted it so much, I would be a loner.
I would fulfill my role and not get near anyone.
It's okay, I hated them, but it was oka—
"About not being honest…"
"Honest about what?" My head was hurting, and my throat was dry, so my voice came more parched than expected.
"Honest about how I feel about you"
This was the moment, my own mother…she hated me too…
Did I blame her?
I hated myself.
"I love you"
"Why?" I only managed a whisper; I could feel my wet cheeks.
I was crying.
"I couldn't transmit those feelings before, your father and I…we were so preoccupied with Komachi, but that doesn't justify anything…"
They love me…I mean, I knew they loved me, but why does it feel like it's the first time I feel loved by them?
"Why" I repeat my question.
Why only now does she tell me?
"Because I failed you…I..."
"…was…we—we were afraid"
"…Afraid that you hated us"
No…why would I hate them? They're my parents, they do everything for Komachi and for…me?
I loved them.
I love them.
"…I love you too" I tried to say, but my voice was being drowned by embarrassing sobs.
"Sorry for not telling you sooner" she was crying too.
Damn! We were a family of crybabies, if Komachi was here, she would cry too.
I felt comfort in the feeling of something caressing my back, it was her hand, she was hugging me.
"From now on I will be honest, would you do the same?"
The same? How?
"Don't be afraid of saying what you think, what you feel"
What I feel…how I feel?
"Say what you want, if you want attention, say it, if you want time, say it, if you love someone, say it, if you want their love, ask for it"
That's…that's a heavy load mom.
Something like that, it would be too embarrassing.
"If I was honest sooner, you would have been happier, would you not?"
I can't exactly deny that now that I'm crying like an abandoned puppy…right?
"And if you would have asked, I would have told you sooner, and be happy too"
Yeah, I guess that's how it is.
We were afraid, so afraid that we hurt each other.
Was that what happened with Orimoto?
Should I have…
Should I have asked what she felt first?
If she considered me a friend? Or only a schoolmate?
Would she have told me?
If I told her that it was okay to be honest too.
That it was okay if she was only nice because that's how she was, and not that she was nice because we had something between us.
…That conversation would have been embarrassing.
But it would have been better than what ended up happening.
And I wouldn't have this regret.
If I was honest from the start.
If I asked her to be honest.
Maybe if I asked her to not talk about the confession too, she would have kept it between us.
What about her?
If I told her how I felt from the beginning, if I shared my feelings.
If I thanked her, did I thank her? For everything she did, for crawling me out of that dark hole in which I had settle myself?
Would anything have been different?
Would it have made a different in the end?
Knowing her…she would have been happy.
If I had told her…how much I loved her at that time, how important she was to me.
But it's too late, I don't want to go through that again, to lose someone…
Even so…I want to be happy.
Those are what if's…
They're useless now.
"Okay mom, I will be honest from now on"
I'm gonna be honest from now on.
But first, I will be honest with myself.
What I want.
What do I want?
"What do I want mom?"
The true…I want the true…
"That's up to you Haa-chan, I only want you and Komachi to be happy…"
That's what she wants.
"…And maybe get a girlfriend? I'm sure there are some girls out there with a…unique taste"
Heh…if only you knew…
"But you don't have to hurry, do it at your own pace"
It's okay Hachiman…
What you want…you don't know, but you have all your high-school years to find out.
Do I want friend?
Do I want a girlfriend?
Mmm…how is having a girlfriend? How does it feel? Will it make me happy?
Do I want something?
Do you want someone?
Doesn't matter if it's bad…if it hurts.
I want something real…something authentic.
I want something genuine.
"Do you promise me? To be honest too?"
It's a strong promise to make, mom.
"Yeah, I promise"
Embraced between the arms of a woman who loves me, truly loves me, I made a promise to her.
For her too.
And to myself.
I won't lie to her, to my family, to anyone.
And most important…
This is the start.
The start of my honest high-school life.