How It Should Be
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman! Reborn, all rights belong to Amano Akira (is that her name, that's her name, right?).
Warnings: Mild innuendo, mentions of blood, and angst for my boy; Hayato Gokudera
Summary: He doesn't want to believe that is was the best way, that it is the only way to keep her safe. But each day that she still lived, he was grateful. And each time he stopped by to see her, she was happy. And he can't help but think that this was how it should be.
(A/N: Ohhh, I'm so sad that I wrote this.)
"Is she still safe?" He asks to himself as he stares at the night sky. With a cigar in his mouth, Hayato takes it out and let's out a breath. Part of him hates smoking because she wasn't a fan of it. She would always nag at him and he would always yell back at her to "mind your own fucking business stupid woman." A bitter smile crosses his face as a memory of one of her many lectures enters his mind. Hayato placed the cigar under his foot and crushed it. He smooths out the ashes, their trace and existence disappearing. He wishes his feelings would do the same.
"You know..." Haru begins with disdain. Hayato is already rolling his eyes at her. They are standing next to each other on their little balcony outside their little apartment in the big Tokyo.
"For fuck's sake woman, I'm 19 already. You're not used to me smoking yet!?" He scowls and folds his arms. Haru's pretty face scrunches up in anger and he's half tempted to tell her she looks like a pig (which isn't true because Hayato doesn't date pigs).
"Hahi!? Gokudera-san, that is no way to talk to your fiancée!" Haru says suddenly as she stomps her foot.
He almost swallows the cigarette whole and Hayato finds himself pounding his chest, trying not to choke on the smoke that goes down the wrong airway. Haru looks at the silver haired teenager with a winning smirk and as soon as Hayato is done with his coughing fit, he gives her an incredulous look. "How the fuck did you know about that!?" His voice comes out high pitched. The 20 year old brunette laughs at him.
"You sound like a girl." She teases. He flushes at that which makes Haru giggle some more. Mumbling under his breath, he doesn't see the way Haru looks at him with such a tender look. She steps towards him and rubs a hand on his way. He lets her and relaxes. "I was doing your laundry and found the little black box. Next to all of your little knives and thingamabobs." He can hear the smile in her voice. "It's so cute, I like it."
"Shut up." He ends up saying. Running a hand through his silver locks, Haru laughs as she sees the red travel down his neck. "That was supposed to be a surprise." He nearly whines and Haru hugs him from the side. The hug is tight and she's nearly squeezing him but he likes it so much that he lets her. He drapes an arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer and presses his lips against her forehead. "Ti amo..." He breathes and Haru shivers. A smile tugs at his lips. "Cold?"
"Nope." Haru pops the "p" and looks up to him. Hayato has to suck in a breath to keep from gasping. Haru's eyes are strangely shiny and wide. A very soft but intense gaze is seen in her chocolate brown orbs and it makes his heart beat fast. "Tell me... How were you going to propose?"
"Well..." With his free hand, Hayato scratches his head. "You like clichés..."
"Mmm hmmmm..." Haru hums happily.
"So... I don't know, I also hate crowds but I wanted us to be like... In Italy." Haru squeezes his forearm telling him that she liked what she was hearing. "And it would be at night like you wanted. We'd pass by the large fountain in the center of street lights, taking a stroll." Haru's smile is growing bigger at this. "And hopefully, if the mood was right and maybe it could even rain a little. I'd get you angry and pop the question." Haru laughs and expects nothing less. She tells him this and he's comforted greatly.
He wasn't sure about the getting her angry part but he was Hayato and she was Haru and they're naturally angry at each other.
"That's so sweet Gokudera-san." Haru tip toes on her foot and kisses his cheek.
"Yeah. Now I have to find a new plan, idiot." He pinches one of Haru's cheeks softly. "I need a cigarette before I propose to you."
"Excuse me? Gokudera-san, you will not smoke the day you propose to me." Already Haru is letting go and she shoots him a glare. "I can live with smoking every day for the rest of my life," she starts.
Stop nagging then. He thinks to himself.
"But on the day of our wedding, my birthdays, and the day you propose to me, do not smoke. I don't want to kiss that." Feeling challenged at that, Hayato glared right back.
"Yeah? And what if I do?" He asks her.
"I won't say yes." And with that, the conversation is over. Hayato doesn't fight back because even though he's prepared himself to have Haru for the rest of his life and would ask her every day to marry him, the thought of her saying "no" even once makes his heart drop to the floor. As they enter their living room, Hayato gives Haru a look that rivals that of a kicked puppy.
"Not even a quick whiff?"
Hayato leaves the large balcony of Tsuna's mansion and walks back in the corridor. The memory stings in his heart as he tries to push it down. Unlike the ashes on the floor, the memory spreads and does not crush. It's more vivid and intense than he remembers it to be. He ended up smoking the day he planned to propose and Haru really did end up telling him no. It took him a good month before asking her again. And it was only because he was so shocked that she refused him in the first place.
The next time he sees Haru, it's not planned and he is actually surprised to find her waiting under a flower shop. She is waiting for the quick downpour to pass over.
"Pull over across the street." He tells the driver immediately and the slick Benz does so. Hayato doesn't do anything except look through the closed, tinted window of the car.
She is more beautiful than he remembers. Dressed in a modest white threaded skirt and a pale blue top with open shoulders, Haru really stands out with the decorative flowers. Half of her hair is pinned up in a bun while the rest falls along her shoulders. She is mostly wet and he assumes that she had just found shelter from the rain. He's tempted to leave the car and to talk to her. Just to strike up a conversation, anything just to speak with her. To hear her voice.
Does she talk in third person now? Is she still saying that dumb 'hahi' out of reflex? Hayato wants to desperately know and it takes every bit of his strength to resist. He reminds himself why he's doing this to them. Hayato convinces himself to not walk to her, not to talk to her, only to look and see from afar. Remember why you made her forget. Haru doesn't know you anymore. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know anything.
Suddenly, a man who looks to work in the flower store rushes out and looks at Haru. He's taller than most men in Japan and has soft red hair. The bottom half of his head is shaved but that doesn't hide the fact that his hair is also naturally wavy. The man's eyes are a steel gray color. They're sharp but soft as he gazes at Haru. He begins to walk towards her.
The nameless man taps Haru on her shoulders and he watches her turn. Surprise is evident in her warm chocolate eyes and a slight blush crosses her cheeks. Recognizing him, Haru leans in for a hug. The other man's arms are around her tightly, embracing someone very dear to him. They're around her waist and his head is in her hair. He places a light kiss to Haru's forehead. Hayato clenches his fists tightly in his lap.
He remembers embracing her and kissing her the same way years ago.
Once his foot touched Japan's ground, Hayato could have kissed the floor. At age 17, he had been away for a little over a month and was more than glad to be back to a place he called home. Especially since he had been away from Haru for so long. Just the thought of her sent his mind in a frenzy and he ached to be next to her.
Takeshi chuckled as he laid his bags onto the floor after getting them from the conveyor belt. "Can't wait to see Haru, huh?" Asked the raven haired teen. Hayato shot him a stern look but this made him laugh a little louder. "It screams in your body language." He added. Takeshi shook his head as he held his jacket tighter to him. "I still can't believe you and Haru like each other."
The Storm Guardian said nothing. He didn't want to let him know that even though Haru liked him a lot, he was inevitably and utterly in love with that woman. "Shut up." He ended up saying instead and rather rudely at that. Takeshi snickered before looking over his shoulders.
"Here comes Tsuna, ask him if you can just leave." Suggested the raven haired boy. Hayato looked at his best friend, stunned and shocked that he would even speak the words to him.
"There's no way that I could just leave the Tenth." Hayato said this seriously and sternly. The silver haired teen was almost appalled that Takeshi suggested so. Said boy just shrugged his shoulders before picking up bags right off the floor. A wolf-like grin showed on his face.
"Suit yourself." Takeshi turned to look back at the approaching brunet. "Yo! Tsuna, I'm leaving ahead." Tsuna smiled and nodded.
"That's fine." He replied. Tsuna, covered in a thick brown jacket, stood next to Hayato. "How about you? You can leave, I know Haru has been waiting for you." Hayato shook his head.
"No way, I'm fine. I'll see you hom—wait, how do you know?" Green eyes widened once Tsuna's words settled in his mind. The smaller boy chuckled.
"She's called me almost everyday to make sure you were safe and doing okay." He replied. A smile touched on his lips as Tsuna shook his head. "She knows that you would probably lie to her if you were hurt." A tiny blush made way to Tsuna's face. "I'm a little jealous of you, haha." The young teen chuckled sheepishly. Hayato felt his heart soar at this. The small organ in his chest began pounding so loudly he was nearly afraid it would jump out.
But his duty to the Tenth...
"Tenth... I really would like to see you home first." Though he says this, his face looked trouble. Takeshi, who was watching him, shakes his head.
"You can stay Gokudera." He spoke and began walking away. "Later guys."
"Are you going home?" Asked Tsuna. Takeshi shook his head.
"Nah, might stop by Haru's for a minute. Since she's on the way."
That got Hayato's attention and he glared at his best friend. He grabbed his shoulder and turned around the taller boy. Annoyance and anger flashed dangerously in his eyes. "Why the hell do you want to go see Haru?" Again, Takeshi grins happily.
"Can't I just go see a friend?" He asked.
That's some bullshit. Hayato snarled at him and Tsuna had to step back in surprise. He had never seen Hayato in this type of anger before. Takeshi didn't seem to mind as he continued to walk away. "Y-You!" Shouting, Hayato turned to Tsuna and bowed low. "Forgive me Tenth but please let baseball idiot see you home."
"It's not a problem, really." Tsuna said but was not heard since Hayato was already running ahead of Takeshi with his bags. Hayato was out of sight in less than a moment and Takeshi walked back, chuckling. The Vongola leader shook his head but joined in the slight laughter. "You're mean sometimes, Yamamoto."
"Hey... I really wanted to see Haru too, you know?"
Hayato arrives at Haru's doorstep in less than an hour. Heaving, he drops his baggage and rings the doorbell once. It was a few moments before he could hear light footsteps approach the door. The boy quickly tried to even out his breathing and pushed strands of hair out of his face. The door knob turned and out walked the face he wanted to see the most.
His heart melts at the sight.
Haru was dressed in a light green pajama night shirt with darker green hearts of scattered in a lazy pattern. Her hair was down and once she saw who it was at the door, her face glowed with happiness. "Gokudera-san!" She squealed and jumped him, her arms wrapping around his neck. A hazy warmth surrounded him and he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist.
It felt good to hold her close to him. As he nearly squeezed her to him, Hayato kissed her forehead and buried his face in her hair. "Dumb woman..." He whispered softly. Haru pinched his neck at that, which only made him chuckle. Hayato relished in Haru's warm hug. He took in every breath, every part of their body touching, every point of skin contact, everything.
"I've missed you." She mumbles in his ear. "I hate to say this, but one month without you here doesn't do me any good." Slowly, she loosens their embrace. Hayato feels his heart thud in his chest louder than it ever has in his life. Haru's eyes were swimming in happiness and such tender love. He wanted to tell her that he loved her but all that came out was a weird choking sound. I know those eyes. He wanted to say.
But he couldn't. So he pulled her hair back behind her ear instead and felt the warm tears gather in his eyes. Haru stifled a laugh at his face. "Don't cry. I understand." She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I love you too."
"You stupid woman." He scowled halfheartedly. "Always saying the things I want to say first." She giggled and pressed her lips against his. He took in her bottom lip and caressed it slowly. They kissed for a moment before Haru let go to breathe. "Too much?" He teased. Shooting him a look, Haru rolled her eyes.
"Papa isn't here," she started and Hayato perked up at this, "wanna sleep with me tonight?" A scarlet blush covered her face as she asked this. Hayato blushed and ended up nodding before pulling her close to him. "H-Hahi? Gokudera-san?" She gasped, feeling a bit confused.
"Stay like this first?" He pleaded. Haru says nothing but wraps her arms around him once more. He breathes her in. Melon. Thought Hayato to himself. They stayed like that for a while in the night in front of the Miura doorway.
"Sir?" The driver asks. "Shall we continue?"
Shaken from his gaze, Hayato grumbles but nods his head anyways. "Proceed." He tells the driver. "And when you drop me off, don't come back. I won't need a ride then." It grows quiet in the car as the driver starts the engine. Rain echoes inside the car. It's only a moment before the driver speaks in a voice that has understanding.
"Very well." And they drive away. If Haru and the nameless man kiss in the rain, Hayato doesn't turn to look.
He doesn't want to see it.
"Do you want kids?" She asks him one evening. They are cuddled onto Hayato's favorite armchair. It's comfy and cozy, cushioned perfectly, and large. It's also green and Haru suspects he got it because it was her favorite color.
The question, however, tears Hayato away from his book and he looks at Haru. She looks unsure and almost uncomfortable that she had asked. Putting his book away and his eye glasses on the table nearby, green eyes narrow at her. "What brought this up all of a sudden?" He wants to know. His tone is hard but he is more curious as to how his wife got up to such thoughts of having kids early in their marriage.
Well, if three years was still kind of early.
Haru sighs. "It's just... It's so quiet when you're not here at the house. Kyoko and Hana-chan can't be here every hour of everyday and I just..." Tears glisten in her eyes and she grows quiet. About this time, he would call her a "stupid woman" but one look at her ceases him in doing so. Haru looks strangely upset and so vulnerable. He doesn't want to make her cry.
So he comforts her and coaxes an answer out of her. Hayato pulls Haru close to his and begins rubbing her arms and the back of her legs. She shivers at his touch but relaxes and closes her eyes. Pressing a light kiss to her forehead, he says, "Tell me." He kisses her forehead. "I want to know." Haru melts in his arms and it doesn't take long for her to speak her mind. When she does, she's still nervous and her voice is shaking.
"I get lonely." She sighs heavily and leans against his chest. "I know it's selfish of me but when you leave and there's no one here... I can't stand it." Hayato sees light tears falling down her cheeks and his heart aches for her. "I never really know if you'll come back because what if one day you won't?"
"Haru, I'll always..." He began.
"Can you really promise that to me?" She looks at him, really looks at him. "With your line of work, can you really promise you will always come back?" He doesn't say anything because she's right. No matter how much he loves her, wills himself to be back at her side... A wrong stab to his gut, a slash on his neck, or a bullet to his head, once he's gone, he's gone.
Haru realizes that he doesn't have anything to say and continues. "I know that you love me. But when you're gone, there's no one. I won't have you anymore. I'll be lonely forever."
"Haru..." Hayato breathes. He stops his ministrations and just holds her close.
"Is that selfish of me?" She asks quietly. He can hear the indecision and sadness in her voice. "To have a child so I won't be lonely anymore?"
"It's not." He tells her. "I understand." Pulling back, Hayato looks at her. "Unlike you, I'm always surrounded by people we love. Whether I'm here or away, there is always someone I'm with, someone I want to protect." I want to protect you the most. He doesn't say that thought but thinks she knows already. "If you want a child, we don't have to wait two more years. I think I'm ready." If not now, then when? He adds as an after thought.
Haru's eyes brighten and Hayato falls more in love with her. Something he didn't think was possible after they got married. A small smile graces her bow shaped lips. "You think?" She teases and lightly pinches his cheeks. The man chuckles and turns Haru so she's straddling his lap. The air around them instantly grows thick and heavy with desire. She is already trying to get close to him as she can and is moving her hips in an achingly slow pattern. A deep rumble erupts in his throat and he presses a heavy kiss on the side of her neck.
His wife leans back and hums. "Hayato, thank you." She whispers.
This gets him going and Hayato bites down on her neck. "Tell me what you want." His voice is thick and needy. The want for her is heard clearly and his hands travel past her waist to cup the cute little cheeks of her bottom. He gives them a firm squeeze. "Tell me." He moves his body against hers.
Haru pulls his face to her own and kisses him. It's slow and it takes his breath away. Hayato knows that this moment in time, he would do anything for her. If she would only kiss him more, he would do anything she asks. "Hayato, please..." She chokes back a sob. "Please give me a baby." She breathes in his hear. Her voice comes out raspy and deeper than usual.
Hayato kisses her harder as he lifts her up. She wraps her leg around his waist and they don't even make it out the door of the room before falling deep into each other.
Hayato opens his eyes tiredly at the memory. He's laying in bed by himself and doesn't stop the tear that falls down his face. Stupid woman... He thinks to himself, bitter and in agony. His heart is barely beating and the hurt stabs at him. Loneliness eats away at him as the side of the bed next to him is empty. Slowly, Hayato covers his eyes with his arm. "You're the one who left me first."
He knows it's not true.
"Are you still having agents follow her?" Takeshi asks as he drops a stack of manila folders on his desk. Hayato doesn't answer the question because he knows that the baseball idiot knows the answer. It's silent between the two for a moment and Takeshi ends up sighing tiredly. "That's admirable of you, really Hayato. But don't you want to let go? It's been years since she's forgotten."
Hayato grabs the stack of folders with his fingertips gripping them more tightly tightly than they need too. Noticing this, Takeshi decides to ask about Haru. "How is she?" He questions. "I haven't seen her in a long while. You don't send me to keep an eye on her anymore." Even though Takeshi is smiling as he says this, there is a hurtful tone in his voice.
Hayato looks at him tiredly. "Come back later, I'll be through this pile before tonight."
Said man ignores the sadness he hears in his name and looks through the manila folders. Takeshi doesn't push and nods his head before leaving the "office" belonging to Hayato. Once he hears the door close fully behind him and locks, Hayato stands up and thrashes everything off his desk. He picks up papers, folders, vases, books, his eye glasses and throws them everywhere in the room. Hayato screams and shouts curses at his life and everyone in it.
Anger courses through his veins. He curses his life. He curses the mafia. He curses his father, his sister, his mother. He curses Reborn and Tsuna and Takeshi and everyone in it. Everyone.
"Do you, Miura Haru, take this man..."
He hates what happened between him and Haru. He hates how he's gotten to this point in his life. Hayato wants nothing more than to take it all back. But the sight of Haru dressed in white with the most loving and the most sincerest smile on her face makes him think that the choice he made long ago was still the right one. He just remembers when it was him she was smiling at.
"...to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold..."
Hayato thinks he might hate Haru just a little bit.
"...in sickness and health, to love, honor, and obey, in good times and woe..."
But in the midst of his rage, he throws his most prized possession in the room. Before he can stop himself, the frame is already flying out of his hand and it smashes into a wall. He hears the glass on it crack and shatter. Hayato runs to it and calms down once he sees the crack along Haru's face. His anger dissipates. Breathing slowly, he carefully takes out the photo and looks at it.
It's a photo of Haru on their wedding day. Lambo had secretly taken it and it's his favorite. She's talking to him and looking at him as if he was the only thing she sees. Hayato knows for a fact that that day, she was the only one he could see.
"...for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?"
Hayato cradles the photo close to him and lets the quiet surround him. It's painful. But he would rather see Haru in white, smiling at another man than to see her drenched again in red.
Not having her is better than having her gone.
"Haru! Oh God, mio amore!" The 24 year old cries as he sees his wife's back in a pool of her own blood. They find her in a large, empty, and cold apartment room. Takeshi is next to him, blood of their opponents soaking his suit. The swordsman is left at the door, having Hayato's back so he could have his moment with Haru. The silver haired man is at her side in an instant but he stops before touching her. All he can see is red. Her white summer dress is stained with her blood and it takes him a moment to actually recognize how much of it is actually on the floor.
It's too much.
"HARU!" He cries out in agony. As quickly and as carefully as he can, Hayato turns her over and his breath stops. Her stomach... What used to be a bump there isn't there anymore. There's a nasty gash that goes from just under her breasts and down all to her hips. It's deep, it's long, it's bleeding, it's scary.
A sick feeling erupts in him and he's close to puking. He has to stop and calm himself though because Haru is in awful shape and he's not even sure if she's alive at this point. With shaking hands, Hayato checks her pulse. He's praying to the God he stopped believing in a long time ago and asks for her to be alive. He's too scared to think of what happens if she isn't.
"Please..." He cries out loud. To God or Haru, he doesn't know. Maybe it's to both but he just wants someone to hear. As his fingers touch for a pulse, Hayato is scared to find that soaked in warm blood, she's cold. Tears gather in the corner of his eyes. "Please... Mia cara Primavera..."
There is a pulse.
It's small but it's there.
He wastes no time at all scooping her up gently in his arms. Looking at Takeshi, Hayato growls. "Let's get out of this shit fucked place." His partner nods and when he looks back at them, Takeshi's face pales.
"Ha—" He begins but stops at the sight of the Storm Guardians face. Gulping, the tall man nods his head and they quickly flee from upcoming enemies. Takeshi is quick to slash anyone in his way and Hayato sees the anger and slight satisfaction he gets from doing so. When they meet up with Lambo and Ryohei downstairs, the growing teenager takes one look at Haru before his eyes turn cold. It's the fiercest he's ever been and Hayato wishes he could feel proud.
Lambo had truly earned his place in the mafia that night.
And Hayato can't help but tear up a little because his dying wife in his arms would be greatly saddened by it.
It's been almost two weeks and Hayato has only left Haru's side once. It was to deal with the Famiglia who had targeted her that night. They had been wiped out by him, Ryohei, Mukuro, and Lambo personally. It took them four whole days because they were so many members. He tries not to think about it too much because now when he sees blood, he sees Haru.
He sits at her bedside, waiting for her to wake up in one of their more private hospital rooms. Next to him was a tired Lambo, slumped over in a small chair, sleeping. The sixteen year old is tired and worn out. The scent of blood lingers in the air around them and no matter how hard they scrub, the smell just won't go away.
At the foot of the bed is Shamal and he's writing down things Hayato can barely understand right now. The scribbles from his pen fills the room and when they stop, that's when the silver haired man looks at the old man. "How is she?" He croaks. Hayato can't even recognize his own voice but that doesn't matter to him. There's only one voice he wants to hear.
Shamal looks at the man he used to teach. The doctor sees a little kid who's lost all over again. "Her condition is stable. Everything is working as they should for the most part but..." Shamal pauses. "She won't be able to have kids ever again." Hayato feels the air getting sucked out of him.
"Wh-What?" He brings his hands together and they shake. So they did more than just take our baby. He thinks.
"Hayato, please... Please give me a baby."
Tears are burning in his eyes and before he can do anything, they drip down his face. Haru had been six months along. How was he going to explain this to her? She was so happy when it was confirmed she was having a baby. They had a room set up for the him or her. Toys and clothes and bottles were everywhere in their home. Hayato gulped.
This would break her.
"That's... Not all." Shamal added grimly. Green eyes shoot at the doctor.
"What do you mean?"
"There was a large crack on her head. Her brain waves are the only thing that are fluctuating differently." Shamal gives Hayato a hard look. "It's hard to say when she'll wake up but if she does, I'd be prepared for her to not remember a damn thing."
It takes a long moment for Hayato to even process the words. Once they do, his tears fall just a little bit harder. "Will she be able to regain any memories back?" His voice is quiet and Shamal's heart aches for him. The young man looks more scared than he's ever seen him before.
"That... We'll know if she wakes up first." Shamal turns his attention over to Haru. Her sleeping face is peaceful and when he remembers seeing her stomach open, a sick feeling filled him. The doctor's hands clench tightly. "Can I suggest something to you boy?" He asks in a soft but strained voice.
Hayato leans back, tired. He sighs and wipes at his eyes. "What is it?"
"If she forgets, would it be so bad if she didn't remember anything at all?" Hayato squints his eyes at this and anger is suddenly flowing through his veins. Seeing this, Shamal gives his old student a sad smile. "Like you, I love Haru. And I don't want to see someone like her in this condition again." That shuts him up before he says anything. The picture of when he found Haru still scares him and his heart can't help but to agree.
"I can keep her safe still." He insists. If anyone could hear him now, they would be able to tell that Hayato couldn't convince himself of that either.
"I'm not asking if you can keep her safe." Explains the older man in the room. He knows that Hayato would protect Haru with his last dying breath. "What I'm asking you is that you give her another chance to live a better life."
"I heard all of that." Lambo says later that night. Or is it morning? Hayato's not sure because it's still dark out and he's pretty sure that morning hasn't come yet. He's been thinking about what his previous mentor had said. "Will Haru-nee remember?" Asks the teenager. Silence encompasses the two and the older man doesn't know how to answer that.
Shamal made really good points to him but Hayato couldn't bear the thought of having Haru not by his side anymore.
How selfish is that? He pities himself and he hates it. Lambo just looks on at the Storm Guardian. He looks smaller than usual and is too quiet. Sighing, the teen straightens himself and sits up right in the small, uncomfortable seat he's in.
"If she doesn't know us when she wakes up and you decide it's best for her not to remember, can I still see her?" The sixteen year old asks with naiveté that comes with youth. The silver haired man gulps, his saliva scratching at the base of his throat. Lambo's huge eyes are pleading because like him, he also can't bear to live without Haru. "G-Gokudera?" Whispers Lambo, hurt so evident now in his voice. "Answer me."
"I don't know." He answers quickly and unsure. Hayato looks down at his wife who is sleeping serenely on the bed. He knows she sleeping peacefully because of all the nights he's waken up by her side. There are no thoughts or dreams in her mind.
"Hayato, please... Please give me a baby."
There are no memories.
It's been almost 21 days and Hayato wakes up just in time to see Haru's eye lids move. The man is quick to sit up from his spot and grabs Haru's hand. "Haru?" He whispers desperately. "Mia cara Primavera... Wake up." He leans over her and kisses her cheek. Haru is moaning and making small sounds she usually does after a long nights rest.
Hayato's heart soars and happiness engulfs around him. He nudges her a bit. "Mio amore, wake up." Giddy, he is nearly impatient for his wife to open her eyes. Haru is taking her time, her arms coming out of the blanket to rub the sleep away. Yawning, her eyes lids flutter open and she looks around. Her warm chocolate orbs focus on Hayato and she tilts her head a bit in the pillow.
He gives her a tender smile, his hand tightening around hers. Haru feels this and confused, she shakes his hand away. The smile on his face slowly leaves and Haru looks confused all of a sudden. "Am I... In a hospital?" She asks him and gets up. "Hahi, this is a pretty fancy hospital room." Haru looks to see books and wooden floorboards. There's a few picture frames and the only bed in the room is the one she's in. She looks to Hayato. "Where is this place? How'd I get here?"
Hayato can't think. He's not even sure if he's breathing because even though Haru is alive and in front of him, even through she's breathing and talking to him, she doesn't even recognize one of Vongola's private hospital rooms. A place she worked constantly in.
The brunette waves a hand in front of his face. "Hellooo?" She literally sings and his heart clenches tightly at that. Her singing voice is still as strained and as crackling and off tune as he remembers.
"Are you still here, desu?" Haru smiles at Hayato sweetly. It pains him to see that there is nothing but questions and curiosity in her warm gaze. There is no love, deep affection, wanting, or desire within her as she sees him. Hayato thinks Haru must have sensed something was wrong because her smile turns into a frown. "A-Are you alright, sir?"
Is that what I am now? He thinks, straining a grin. "I-I'm fine..." He answers and it shocks him to hear his voice shake. Haru purses her lips but says nothing about it.
"Okay, if you say so." Haru pulls her hair behind her ear, a habit she does when she's uncomfortable or nervous. He wants to scoff because she's been comfortable and relaxed around him for years. She then clasps her hands together and clears her throat. "Do you know where I am, mister?" She asks again.
"Please, Hayato... Please give me a baby."
"Mia cara Primavera..."
"Haru! Oh God, mio amore!"
"Private hospital room, I found you on the ground. You were in pretty bad shape." He smiles at the woman before him, letting his brain take control of his words before his heart. "Took you in, you had a long gash on your stomach." His voice is hoarse as he says this. Surprised, the woman lifts her hospital gown a bit and a gasps escapes her. She looks at Hayato with horrified eyes.
"Oh my... Haru thanks you." She bows a little in the bed awkwardly. Hayato sucks in a breathe. He hasn't heard her talk in third person in so long. Memories from when they're much younger flashes through his mind but he pushes them down as quickly as they come. When she sits back up to look at him, Haru smiles tentatively. He's reminded that the Haru before him now probably doesn't have those memories. That she probably doesn't know anything about the mafia in her life. "I-I'm Haru, by the way. Miura Haru."
His heart stops at the last name she hasn't had in years. Don't say it. He pleads to himself. Let it be a prank, a dream, a hallucination. Anything would be fine. Just...just don't day it. Haru gives him a faint smile.
"What's your name?"
At age 37, Hayato finds himself at the bridge of Namimori. He's on a little...personal vacation of a sorts. Around Haru's birthday, he will always disappear without a word to anyone and leave Italy. He doesn't say a word to his sis sister, he doesn't say a word to Reborn, Ryohei, Takeshi or even Tsuna. He leaves for one day and always comes back.
Today is that one day and it is strangely cloudy and cold this time of year. It even looks like there is about to be a thunderstorm. With a cigarette in his mouth, Hayato puffs out a smoke and closes his eyes. In his mind, he sees Haru. He feels her and hears her and misses her.
For some reason, he can hear her voice really well today.
"Ah! You're that man!" A voice from his side says. Hayato is quickly shaken from his stupor and whirls to his left only to widen his eyes. Next to him with grocery bags on both arms is Haru. She is dressed in a long gray jacket that reaches her knees and is wearing a long, dark red skirt underneath. She has black wedged heel boots to accompany her and to his surprise, her hair is cut short in a bob. There is a smile on her face so bright and warm and caring that the memories of her do no justice to the one in real life.
His heart is beating fast and Haru must think he's speechless (he is) because she giggles. "You're the one who found me years ago right? I never forget a friendly face." She jokes and nudges him with her elbow. A blush stains his cheeks and he hates at how he's suddenly feeling like a mushy, love-struck teenage girl.
How did I not notice her earlier? He thinks to himself as Haru begins talking to him, as if they were long lost friends (when they're so much more). After they got married, he muses that he was just that comfortable around her where he could let his guard down any time. And even with her memories gone, she still has the same effect.
Hayato listens to Haru as she lists off how she has been, what's she's been doing, and her likes and dislikes. A tiny smile makes way on his face as she does so. Even though she doesn't know him anymore like how she used to, he's glad that she's still the same Haru he knows and loves.
"—nd I told that foolish man that I'd be right back so he'd have to watch the kids." A tender look crosses over her flushed face. "Do you have any kids?" She asks Hayato. He coughs in reply.
"Ah, I had... One. The baby died though." Haru's face turns solemn and her heart reaches out for the man who saved her.
"I'm sorry." Tears brim her eyes as she said this and Haru quickly wiped them away. "I couldn't imagine one of my babies dying." She confessed and let out a deep breath.
Hayato raised a brow. "You have kids?" She nodded her head.
"That's right. Adopted though, turns out I can't have any kids." Hayato watches Haru's body move in an uncomfortable manner, as if she's a bit embarrassed by it. His face softens immediately.
"It's alright. I can't have kids either." Haru, and Hayato himself, are surprised at the honesty he's showing. However, the man can't find it in himself to care once the woman before him shows him an appreciative smile. She's surprised and looks a little bit happy that he is sharing something personal with her.
Haru inquires about this. "May I ask why not?" Clearing his throat, the Italian man shuffles his feet a little.
"My...wife was lost to me." He began with longing. "And with her, our unborn child." He hears Haru gasp out loud as she covered her mouth with her hands. "But it's okay." He lies. "I've made peace with it a long time ago." He says this and it's only partially true. As long as he knows Haru is safe, he doesn't care for much else in this world. "It's just after her, there is no one else for me." There's a rustling sound coming from the woman beside him and before he knows it, small arms wrap around his waist and the hug is tight and warm and loving.
It's everything he remembers about Haru.
Startled, he doesn't know what to do with this woman who's married to someone else. Her groceries are on the floor and she's hugging him so tightly. Hayato's hands are suspended in the air, unsure of what to do. He wants to hug her but knows that if he does, it will be very hard to let her go. With his heart pounding in his chest, he lets his arms drop to his side and tries to take in everything about her.
How it feels to have her flushed against him, how she smells like melons and how she's still so tiny. How her short hair fits her really well and how she still fits so good against his body. How warm and alive she is right now. How healthy she looks and how happy she is. Hayato can feel the need for tears almost burn against his eyes. He knows that when they were together, whenever he would leave her, she would worry to the ends of the earth for him.
Having her here in his arms, knowing she is away from the man she loves and knowing she is still so relaxed and content...
She never had this with him.
And it hurts Hayato more than he could have ever prepared himself for. Before he knows it, his arms are around Haru and is surprised to find that she's shaking. "So sad, I'm so sorry for your loss."
Ah. She's crying for me. This puts a bitter smile on his face.
"You're still willing to cry for me?" His heart asks.
"That's it." She pulls away from Hayato much too soon. However, he's welcomed by her determined and kind gaze. Brown eyes are so fierce and steadfast, Hayato knows that look. In any moment, Haru will ask him or demand him of something. And he will do anything she asks if she just continues to look at him that way. "I've decided. You'll have dinner with my family tonight."
A sharp pain shoots his heart. Anything but that. He has to leave soon if he wants to catch a plane back to Italy. But Haru's dazzling grin makes him falter and she laughs while wiping away traces of her tears.
"Don't worry about my husband, he'll understand." She laughs slightly and hugs Hayato tightly against his torso. "Think of it as a thank you for finding me so long ago!" A whiff of melon makes Hayato sigh deeply and he gives the woman a bitter smile that she doesn't see.
Even though he knows he shouldn't, his heart soars at the thought of eating dinner with her.
(A/N: Part two coming up! Soon? I'm on a roll right now so hopefully by the end of this week, chapter two will be finished. How do you think it will end?)