(Garbled noises, a burst of laughter. Loud raspberry.)

"Hello listeners! A-"

"You can't start like that. That's how Present Mic starts his show."

"Sheesh. Fine. This isn't even a show, Sero. Okay."

(Throat clears. A titter. A slight smacking noise.)

"Hello fans! Ashido Mina here, reporting live from the Heights Alliance living room for a project that'll hopefully pull my English grade out of the toilet."

(A scuffle.)

"Sero Hanta here! I'm in this too. Didn't do that great on my last test. Anyway, Ashido and Sero reporting on the exciting happenings of Heights Alliance."

"News of a rare sighting just in! A wild Shinsou Hitoshi has nested on and has actually fallen asleep on the left corner of the couch. This sighting is not for the faint of heart- only those viewers brave enough to endure Kaminari Denki's incessant shushing can get within five feet of the elusive breed. In arts and culture, the up-and-coming arts and culturist-"

"That is not a word!"

"-okay, Sero, arts and culture person. Stop interrupting. Anyway, Arts and Culture Person Kaminari Denki is stealthily drawing kitty whiskers and a little black nose on Shinsou's face. Art Critic Uraraka Ochaco is standing by and giggling."

"And in other culture news, All-Around Musician Jirou Kyoka is putting together a new music track with Classical Pianist Yaoyorozu Momo on Jirou's laptop on the other end of the couch. This explains why they were playing that piece in Yaomomo's room 'til three in the morning yesterday."

"Fashion! Dark Shadow has taken it upon himself to become a sleek new neck accessory for Frenchie Fashionista-"

"Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle-"

"Roll with it, Aoyama, will ya? Frenchie Fashionista Aoyama Yuuga has a lovely new scarf entity, courtesy of Dark Shadow, who appears to be nuzzling his neck. Gothic Chic Designer Tokoyami Fumikage is looking a little weirded out, poor soul."

"Minaaaa, my turn already! In food news, we have in the Heights Alliance kitchen our very own Master Chef Bakugou Katsuki, who appears to be whipping up an eighteen-course dinner for us all while vehemently denying it and attempting to blow up anybody who looks at him. He is joined by Dessert Chef Sato Rikido, making a lovely cheesecake while avoiding Bakugou's eye. Wow! Did anyone catch that? We got sports in the kitchen too! Pro Athlete Bakugou Katsuki has just sunk an eggshell into the garbage can clear across the kitchen. Uh-oh."

"Your faithful reporters are now attempting the Out-of-the-Kitchen Dash, in order to continue to bring the news and preserve our lives."

"Kirishima Eijirou to the rescue! Up-and-Coming Pro Hero Kirishima Eijirou selflessly distracting our resident Pomeranian with no thought to his own safety. What a man."

"A man among men!"

"Uh-oh, it's Aizawa-sensei. Gotta-"

(Scuffling sounds. A burst of fuzzy static.)