AN the first part starts off taken directly from New Moon. after Laurent gets distracted it turns into my own work.

All characters and stories of twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer!

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Chapter 1 A change

I had the windows rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck, trying to enjoy the wind against my face. It was cloudy, but almost dry—a very nice day, for Forks. Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob. After I parked in the usual spot, I had to spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the compass face and the markings on the now worn map. When I was reasonably certain that I was following the right line of the web, I set off into the woods. The forest was full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness. Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around my head, and the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seemed creepier today; it reminded me of my most recent nightmare. I knew it was just because I was alone, missing Jacob's carefree whistle and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground.

The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult—not because of exertion, but because I was having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from my thoughts. I almost turned around, but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended. The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged on. My breathing evened out eventually, and I was glad I hadn't quit. I was getting better at this bushwhacking thing; I could tell I was faster. I didn't realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving. I thought I'd covered maybe four miles, and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disoriented me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples—pushing past the chest-high ferns—into the meadow.

It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear the stream bubbling quietly. The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake. It was the same place… but it didn't hold what I had been searching for. The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp. What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain—the pain that had me now, had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without him. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily.

At least I'd come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I'd discovered the meadow with Jacob… well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now. How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing me apart? It was so much better that I didn't have an audience. And I wouldn't have to explain to anyone why I was in such a hurry to leave, either. Jacob would have assumed, after going to so much trouble to locate the stupid place, I would want to spend more than a few seconds here. But I was already trying to find the strength to get to my feet again, forcing myself out of the ball so that I could escape. There was too much pain in this empty place to bear—I would crawl away if I had to. How lucky that I was alone! Alone. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the pain. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty paces away.

A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first was surprise; I was far from any trail here, and I didn't expect company. Then, as my eyes focused on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid skin, a rush of piercing hope rocked through me. I suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued to the face beneath the black hair, the face that wasn't the one I wanted to see. Next was fear; this was not the face I grieved for, but it was close enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker. And finally, in the end, recognition.

"Laurent!" I cried in surprised pleasure. It was an irrational response. I probably should have stopped at fear. Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met. He hadn't been involved with the hunt that followed—the hunt where I was the quarry—but that was only because he was afraid; I was protected by a bigger coven than his own. It would have been different if that wasn't the case—he'd had no compunctions, at the time, against making a meal of me. Of course, he must have changed, because he'd gone to Alaska to live with the other civilized coven there, the other family that refused to drink human blood for ethical reasons. The other family like… but I couldn't let myself think the name. Yes, fear would have made more sense, but all I felt was an overwhelming satisfaction. The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I'd expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. Here was the connection I'd sought. The proof, however remote, that—somewhere in the same world where I lived— he did exist. It was impossible how exactly the same Laurent looked. I suppose it was very silly and human to expect some kind of change in the last year. But there was something… I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Bella?" he asked, looking more astonished than I felt.

"You remember." I smiled. It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name.

He grinned. "I didn't expect to see you here." He strolled toward me, his expression bemused.

"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska." He stopped about ten paces away, cocking his head to the side. His face was the most beautiful face I'd seen in what felt like an eternity. I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn't have to pretend for—someone who already knew everything I could never say.

"You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect… When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."

Oh." I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing. It took me a second to compose myself. Laurent waited with curious eyes. "They did move on," I finally managed to tell him.

"Hmm," he murmured. "I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?" His eyes were innocent of any intended offense.

I smiled wryly. "Something like that."

"Hmm," he said, thoughtful again. At that precise moment, I realized why he looked the same—too much the same. After Carlisle told us that Laurent had stayed with Tanya's family, I'd begun to picture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all, with the same golden eyes that the… Cullens—I forced the name out, wincing—had. That all good vampires had. I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed the movement. br /"Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted toward me.

"Lie," the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory. I started at the sound of his voice, but it should not have surprised me. Was I not in the worst danger imaginable? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this. I did what the voice said to do.

"Now and again." I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I was beginning to babble. I had to work to shut myself up.

"Hmm," he said again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while…"

"You must lie better than that, Bella," the voice urged. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I pretended to deliberate for a second. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to… Edward, I suppose—" I barely managed to say his name, and it twisted my expression on the way out, ruining my bluff "—he has such a temper… well, I'm sure you remember. He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved one hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but there was an edge of hysteria to my voice. I wondered if he would recognize what it was.

"Is he really?" Laurent asked pleasantly… skeptically.

I kept my reply short, so that my voice wouldn't betray my panic. "Mm-hmm." Laurent took a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow. I didn't miss that the step brought him closer to me. In my head, the voice responded with a low snarl. "So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" My voice was too high.

The question made him pause. "I like Tanya very much," he mused. "And her sister Irina even more… I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult… I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."

I couldn't swallow. My foot started to ease back, but I froze when his red eyes flickered down to catch the movement. "Oh," I said in a faint voice. "Jasper has problems with that, too."

"Don't move," the voice whispered. I tried to do what he instructed. It was hard; the instinct to take flight was nearly uncontrollable.

"Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"

"No," I answered honestly. "Jasper is more careful at home."

"Yes," Laurent agreed. "I am, too." The step forward he took now was quite deliberate.

"Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him. It was the first question that popped into my head, and I regretted it as soon as the words were spoken. Victoria—who had hunted me with James, and then disappeared—was not someone I wanted to think of at this particular moment. But the question did stop him.

"Yes," he said, hesitating on that step. "I actually came here as a favor to her." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."

"About what?" I said eagerly, inviting him to continue. He was glaring into the trees, away from me. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive step back. He looked back at me and smiled—the expression made him look like a black-haired angel.

"About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr. I staggered back another step. The frantic growling in my head made it hard to hear. "She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on blithely. "She's sort of… put out with you, Bella."

"Me?" I squeaked.

"I know, it seems a little backward to me, too. But James was her mate, and your Edward killed him." Even here, on the point of death, his name tore against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge. Laurent was oblivious to my reaction. "She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward—fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed—apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected." Another blow, another tear through my chest. Laurent's weight shifted slightly, and I stumbled another step back. He frowned. "I suppose she'll be angry, all the same."

"Then why not wait for her?" I choked out. A mischievous grin rearranged his features.

"Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I didn't come to this place on Victoria's mission—I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell… simply mouthwatering." Laurent looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment.

"Threaten him," the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread.

"He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this."

"And why not?" Laurent's smile widened. He gazed around the small opening in the trees. "The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body—you'll simply go missing, like so many, many other humans. There's no reason for Edward to think of me, if he cares enough to investigate. This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst."

"Beg," my hallucination begged. "Please," I gasped.

Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."

"Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back. Laurent followed, lithe and graceful.

Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this." I stared at him in horror. He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.

I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you. Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I was afraid to look away from him, to follow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick to overpower me.

"Run." The delusion said in my head. I scoffed at that. That's how I knew it was my fantasy and not reality. Me, running from a vampire? Please. With my coordination I would probably stumble on the first branch in my path and crack my head open against a pebble. Running would be the last thing I should do.

Laurent glanced back at me and then quickly back into the woods again. He had been content to play with me, but something was disturbing him. Would whatever it was be enough to save me? I quickly squashed down the hope that it could somehow be .. him. I allowed myself to follow his gaze. The woods were dense and hard to see through. At first I saw nothing, then something moving. I wasn't sure what it was but it seemed like large black shapes were heading towards us. A hiss drew my attention back to Laurent. A snarl twisted his features as his eyes turned back to me.

Before I had time to register what was going on, three things happened in very quick succession. First; Laurent sank down into a crouch, his face contorting into what can only be called something animal. Second; seeing this face, adrenaline surged through my body and I turned around and dashed away from the predator that was behind me. third; a thunderous noise distracted me from keeping my eyes on my feet. It sounded like a herd of elephants was crashing through the underbush at full speed. I had been right to not make a run for it the first time. My attention drawn towards the noise coming from my right, caused me to stop focussing on where I was putting my feet. Somehow I missed a rather large root in my path, the lip of my boot caught it and I faceplanted into the ground – hard. I swear I heard his familiar exasperated sigh.

My head hurt and pounded and my sight was slightly blurry. I had landed with my head against another large root and it had dazed me. I couldn't make sense of what happened around me. The empty meadow was suddenly filled with the strangest sounds, snarling, ripping, tearing. I couldn't place them. It was nothing I had ever heard before. Then wind rushed past me and something ice cold touched my neck. I was yanked from the ground and I struggled to focus my gaze. Everything was still blurry and I wasn't sure what I was seeing. Something was holding me up in an iron grip – Laurent? Across from us there were large shapes. Animals? But why would Laurent be afraid of them? I struggled to focus. They seemed like bears somehow, but bears weren't supposed to live around here. The snarling sound crept closer, and the iron hold tightened around me. I let out a whimper. Then something else brushed against my neck. Something hard, cold and painful. My eyes snapped open as I felt his teeth embed themselves in my skin. I screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

Something slammed into me – hard. I felt the iron grip that had held me up fall away from my body, I felt the teeth that had been embedded in my neck tear out of me, taking half of my neck with it. Blood rushed down my side in a warm cascade as I fell back to the ground. I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief that it was over. Someone would find me and take me to a hospital. I was sure of it. But then the pain in my neck worsened. It started burning. I was on fire! Agonized screamed ripped from my throat, at least they tried to, but I couldn't produce a single sound. White hot fire was racing through my veins, burning a path from my neck into my head, into my chest, my arms, my legs, until I was sure I was alight on a pyre. A scream ripped it's way out of my throat this time producing a chilling sound that seemed alien even to myself, I was dimly aware of an answering howl somewhere in the distance.

I struggled through the flames for what felt like an eternity. But as I burned I started becoming more aware. I didn't know when exactly it was, or how long I had already been burning at that moment, but I realized I could compartmentalize the pain. It was there in the background, steadily burning me, but there was room for more than just the pain in my brain. I realized I was able to sort through what happened. It went slow at first, the pain was unbearable and often took my focus away. But eventually I started piecing together the puzzle. Laurent had seen something in the woods, coming for him. He had wanted to kill me before the threat was on him. But whatever it had been, had been fast. His plan hadn't worked. They were on him before he could kill me. Then somehow he managed to get away and use me as leverage. But apparently that had backfired on him somehow and before whatever it was had gotten to him, he'd taken a nice little chunk out of my neck. I was pretty sure something had killed Laurent in the moments after he had bitten me and my fire had begun. But the question was who?

I mulled over that question as the flames ripped its way through my body. My heart was racing in my chest, trying to keep up with the burning. Everywhere the flames licked through my veins. I didn't know what sounds I was making, I wasn't sure where I was anymore. I was pretty sure I hadn't been moved. I mulled over that as well as the room in my brain seemed to grow even more. Finally after what felt like a million years of pure torture, the flames seemed to recede. It started with my toes. The absence of fire was so acute that I breathed a sigh in relief. They felt blissfully cool and I dedicated a large part of my brain to focussing on that coolness. The fire extinguished further, slowly receding from my legs, then my hips, then my fingertips, my arms, my head, my neck everything seemed to be converging on my chest. My heart worked doubletime as the flames grew hotter inside of it. The rest of my body had cooled and was starting to let other sensations in – dirt, grass, leaves, a slight mist of water in the air. Then the flames reached an inferno, my heart gave a wild few beats, but then stopped.

The silence that followed was deafening to my ears. The last of the flames had died away with my heartbeat and everything was cool now. I became aware of the things around me fully, as I didn't have the constant inferno messing with my concentration. I realized I was face down in the dirt. I rolled over, but no sooner had I thought about rolling over when I found myself gazing up at the canopy of trees above me. My mind reeled for a moment. That was disconcerting. I could move without even having to consciously thinking about it. My body had already executed the command my brain hadn't even fully given yet, all within a tenth of a second. I was fast. In the next tenth of a second I was sitting up, looking around myself in wonder.

Was this how they saw the world? It was clear, so clear. I could see everything. Every detail was clear, I could zoom in and see the ants walking up the trees, I could see the veins running through the leaves they carried down. I could see the light mist of rain that was falling from the sky- actually see the individual droplets. For a moment I just sat there and took it all in. I was overwhelmed by all this new information assaulting my brain. It was good there was so much more room for it to land now. I took it slow. Adjusting to everything slowly. I took my time to get used to the different sight, to the fact that I could hear so much more now, to the fact that I could smell so many things. I sat in the grass for at least a few hours before I finally felt able to digest everything again.

I sorted through my feelings carefully. I was aware of his warnings about new born vampires. They were volatile he had said. So I knew I had to be careful. I made sure I was fully in control as I slowly got to my feet. I realized why being a newborn made you so volatile. There was just so much. It was such a difference. As I got to my feet I glanced down at myself. I was different. A lot different. My skin was hard as marble, but soft as well. It was paler than was normal for me. My skin felt tighter somehow, my waist smaller, my butt higher and my breasts perkier. I cocked an eyebrow at that. They hadn't told me these physical improvements would be part of the change, but then again there had been so much they hadn't told me. he had been so opposed to my change, that they had never seen reason to fill me in on the blanks.

I stared around myself for a moment, a sudden feeling of dejection brought me to my knees again. I was alone. What was I supposed to do? I knew I couldn't return to Charlie. I was dangerous to him like this. I didn't want to hurt him. But what was I to do? I couldn't stay here… but I had no idea how to do any of this. I didn't know how to be a vampire.. I wasn't even sure what I needed to do to hunt.

A soft footfall caught my attention then. 'Bella?' I heard someone say. I snapped my gaze over to the edge of the forest. A figure was coming closer. My nostrils flared as my new brain tried to gather information on this threat. A woodsy musty smell that reminded me of wet dog filled my nostrils. My nose wrinkled involuntarily. The voice came again. Something about it was familiar.

'Bella? Can we talk?' the man asked. I looked at him, but then it clicked. Jacob. I held my breath suddenly weary. He was a human. I was a newborn vampire. I couldn't hurt him. Somehow Jacob noticed I was about to bolt. He stepped from the woods and held up his hands. 'It's okay. You can't hurt me.' he assured me. I frowned at that. Why was he so calm about this? Didn't he realize what I was?

'It's alright I know you're overwhelmed Bella. Just stay calm, okay?'

'Jacob?' I finally heard myself say. My voice! i didn't even sound like me anymore. My voice was soft and sultry, none of the regular breaking or cracking. It was smooth as silk. Jacob nodded, a small smile on his lips.

'Do you remember what happened?' he asked.

'I got attacked.' I stated, not sure how much to reveal to jacob.

He nodded. 'By a vampire.' He added. I stared up at him shocked. He smiled at me. 'it's okay. I know about vampires. I know he turned you.'


'I'm a wolf, Bella. I'm a wolf from the legends of my tribe. Everything the legends told us, is true.'

'oh' I said lamely. I couldn't quite wrap my head around becoming a vampire and learning about wolves in one day.

'I'm so sorry, Bella.' Jacob said, his voice breaking slightly.


'for not getting to you quicker. We heard him… that leech. We heard him taunt you and we ran like hell. But… but we were too late…'

'you mean you killed Laurent?'

He nodded, but his face was still scrunched up in pain. 'I'm so sorry.' He said again.

I shrugged. 'It's not your fault.' I said easily. I had always attracted danger, it wasn't that much of a surprise to me that I had once again managed to fall into a vampire s clutches. 'what happened?'

'we arrived when you somehow had managed to nearly knock yourself out.' he gave me a wry smile. And I ducked my head in embarassement. 'we managed to fight him and tear of some parts, but he somehow got away from us. He grabbed you before we could stop him. He held you in front of him so we couldn't attack without hurting you. and then…' jacob clenched his jaw shut and looked away.

'he bit me.' I finished.

Jacob nodded. 'I tore him off you then, but it was already too late. When I wanted to get you to a doctor Sam stopped me. he said it was too late to save you. the venom from his bite was already spreading. You were trashing and screaming about being on fire. Sam knew that meant the change had started.'

'Why didn't you kill me too?' I asked him earnestly. Jacob took in a sharp breath, seemingly caught off guard by my question.

'Bella… you're my friend. I could never kill you.' he muttered. We stayed quiet for a moment.

'So…' I started after a moment. 'now what?'

'what do you mean?' Jacob asked.

'Well, I can't go back to Charlie, can I? So what is going to happen to my dad? Did you tell him I died? Is there a missing person report? Am I banished from here same as the rest of the cu-'I cut myself off quickly, afraid to utter their name. Jacob looked at me with a sad smile. 'I don't know what to do, how to be a vampire.' I said finally.

Jacob rubbed the back of his neck. 'I don't think I can help you with that much either.' He admitted sheepishly and I couldn't help but laugh. 'you're still bella.' He said, smiling at me. 'I wasn't sure…'

'wasn't sure you wouldn't suddenly hate me?' I challenged him. He grinned and nodded guiltily. I shrugged. 'I've been trying to tell you Blacks this entire time that some vampires aren't heartless cold ones.'

He laughed and shook his head. 'I suppose not.'

'So… Charlie?' I asked him.

'Right..' he looked uncomfortable. 'Sam decided that although we would allow you to transition, we couldn't allow you to see Charlie afterwards. So he faked your death.'

'He faked…? How?'

'Car accident.' Jacob said.

'There's no body.' I said pointedly.

'Well, you and your clumsiness… you ran right off the cliff. Your body was washed away by the tide.'

I sighed. Well it did sound somewhat plausible. 'How is he?' I asked in a small voice.

'Broken.' Jacob said. 'but Billy has been helping him. I think he'll be fine eventually.

'Will you take care of him for me? let him know I love him?' I asked Jacob. Jacob nodded sadly. 'I guess I won't be seeing you either anymore.' I said with a heaviness in my heart.

Jacob looked startled by this. 'Why?'

'I can't stay here Jacob. What if someone sees me?'

'But you can't just take off.' He insisted. 'you said it yourself you don't have a clue how to be a vampire.'

'I know, okay… I know. I'm not exactly looking forward to spending eternity on my own either, but I can't stay here. I just can't.'

Jacob took a deep breath, and then nodded. 'I guess I understand.'

'Please take care of Charlie for me.' I asked him again. He nodded.

'Just… just come back okay?' Jacob said. 'just hide somewhere in the wilderness while you learn to keep your control and then come back okay? You're still my best friend alright. Just know that I'm always here for you.'

A dry ache formed behind my eyes and I smiled at him. 'Thank you, Jacob.'

'Call me at Billy's house when you can.' I nodded and then took a deep breath. I knew leaving him would hurt me. he was the only reason I was still alive after all. He had saved me from the zombie I had been when they had left. When he had left. I knew it was up to me now, up to me to make sure I kept myself alive. I knew I was still broken. I knew there was still a hole in my chest where my heart had been, and if I'd thought the pain as a human had been bad – it had nothing on this new pain that seemed to crush me. but I owed it to myself to at least try. I had a new life now. I could move away from all these memories. I could try to start over somewhere else. Although I knew I would never love another, I thought I could perhaps someday feel a bit of happiness or at least contentment again.