(This is a work of fanfiction. The Harry Potter universe belongs to J. K. Rowling .)
Hippity Hoppity Hogwarts
Well, it had seemed like the proverbial good idea at the time...
Hermione had simply wanted to introduce the staff of Hogwarts to a quaint muggle custom.
A large, defiant jarvey, bedecked with a miniature pair of bunny ears, sat before her, looking like butter-wouldn't - melt.
"I dun wot you said. You got no complaint," the animal said, looking as smug as an overgrown weasel could.
"You had one job," Hermione said, smoothing her hand up over her forehead, to clamp her hair back painfully.
"An' I delivered 'em eggs like you said," retorted the jarvey, sitting up, and folding its arms.
"Besides the points taken from Gryffindor , I now have a list of damages that I personally must pay," breathed the witch.
"Weren't no damages. .was very festive," said the Easter Jarvey.
"First of all, the eggs were to be hard boiled, not raw," said Hermione.
"A mere technicality," sniffed the jarvey.
"Then there was your method of delivery.." Hermione said, covering her eyes with one hand.
"Artistic interpretation," the jarvey huffed.
"You threw an egg at Snape, and said 'Salutations, ya great, overgrown bat !" said Hermione.
"If the shoe fits.." the jarvey said, smugly.
"You threw another at McGonagall, and said ' Stick that up your kilt, McTavish!' And what about Professor Trelawney?
"She never saw it comin', " said the jarvey, with more than a little satisfaction.
"Are you seeing a pattern here?" Hermione said, leaning in for effect.
The jarvey was not impressed. "Now lookit, you said givem each an egg, an' be festive about it. It can't get no more bloody festive than what I done ."
"Dumbledore said we have to write notes of apology to them all," said Hermione, drawing out paper from her desk.
"WE ?! WE?! " piped the jarvey, dropping to all fours, and doing a little war dance with its back end . (Note: Jarveys, A.K.A. Natures Smartasses, are highly prized for their wonderful ability to over-dramatize everything.)
"You will make your apologies, and I'll write them down," said Hermione, taking out a quill.
"I like your attitude.. was a dumb idea in the first place!" snorted the jarvey.
Quill in hand, Hermione stared him down . "I'm waiting," she said.
The jarvey plopped flat on the floor, thoroughly disgusted, and began to dictate.
"Dear Giant Bat, so sorry you got your knickers in a twist. Love and kisses, Jef, the jarvey."
It was going to be a very long Easter weekend.