Chapter 6

After lunch we were on the way to the train station, I think I was very accommodating to get there I was out the door as soon as I was told to go down, we went in the elevators and we all got in, I just waited to go down and was in the foyer when walking to the doors I bump into someone, watch it she said to me. I just walked pass, never notice mags saying sorry but Joanne said it was fine.

Blur ,blur and blur on the train it was sitting back on that seat when I looked out to see ben's coffin coming on the train, I just watched, I think mags sat with me and saw the coffin she just took my hand, I heard finick mumble something, I did not care, it was done, we started to move tomorrow I would be home.

I sat there and watched the view changing to trees the sign of recovery, it was at dinner when I sat down pushing the food around, I spoke up to the blue women zoe her name whatever I asked for funeral arrangement information, zoe looked at me and got up to get some and gave me a folder of it. I thanked her and left got shown to my temp room. I looked though the information. The flowers would be forget me nots and a sun will be on his gravestone. It would be in 2 days. That night I found the place my ben was and I touched the coffin due to how he died I was able to open it the room was cold, I opened it, ben was in there looking like he is asleep, he was wearing some blue suit looking very dashing. I watched him for hours and hours I never left that room, only when I heard we were near home, I shut the coffin and went and got ready, he would be resting in the chapel, I would be staying with him, I dressed and walked out as the train stopped.

District 4 was waiting I walked out and waited for ben and walked behind him to the chapel where I stayed the coffin was opened for people to show their respects, there was no chatter about me not been able to stay their thank god. I never wanted to see another hunger games, it is not the same as the book, a book you can put down forget, gather dust, this is real life, my life was ben I was 18 years old, and already wanting to die this second life had just became hell I was in hell.

Before the funeral clothes were given I had a shower and got dressed in a dark dress and shoes while I waited for people to hammer the coffin close I was so out of it, I walked out as the cart came and I walked behind as it took me to the graveyard I notice a few people, finick and mags also haymitch and the priest, I walked passed lots of other tributes who had lost their lives to the games, some looked after some showing signs of decay, its surprising what you notice, as ben was laid to rest, I just wanted to go with him and tears filled my eyes. The head stone said in loving memory of 12-year-old ben lane Abernathy masters a much beloved son sorely missed. I was walked away by mags to the wake where I drunk my self in to blacking out.

I woke up in my new home I was taken to I got up and went to the toilet I was on the end house some of my view overlooked the sea. I steadily walk around found some shoes, and walked to the hovel, I could find it in my sleep, I walked into my home, memories filled my mind, I went into his room curled up on his bed, a pillow in my arms as a faint smell of ben surrounded me. I fell into other sleep, I spent a lot of time in this house, over the day's ben smell was fading and after a week ben smell was no more, It was finick that came to me, he finally found me, I was sitting outside with a pillow looking out to sea. He sat down next to me and looked at the view to.

After about an hour he left, the next day he brought food and drink and sat with me, I walked around the home I had build for ben, it brought old past memories back of my first son James hating me because he was a teenager, my husband Tim's affair with the barmaid, I really loved both families, wondered if they missed me. How to ignore the feeling of hurt and betrayal I focused on this new live and then was complete with ben, my grief is for both families I loss. I spent a lot of time drinking to numb the pain, it never went away, The days ebb and flowed away, my mind checked out for a while when I came to a few days later I learnt it was nearly three weeks since ben died, and I was a mess.

It was another few weeks my mind came back online, I was still playing the game you never get of the train. It was night time now I got up out of ben bed I walked around thinking, still a little fuzzy and went to my bed as I got in to my bed I got in I needed to get better, the capital killed my boy, I want them to suffer I want them to break, I want them to die. I fell asleep with vengeances on my mind.