A woman walked down the sidewalk, looking at her phone.
Her co-worker was murdered recently and, quite frankly, the police didn't seem competent enough to solve it. So, she was taking matters into her own hands and trying out a detective agency.
Although.. she was a bit apprehensive. On Google maps, it was called the Armed Detective Agency, which she thought was an odd name. Typically detective agencies were just named after someone's name, right? And what do they mean 'armed'? That made it sound like they were equipped with weapons or something.
But this was the closest one and she didn't feel like going out of town.
She rounded the corner and saw what was presumably the agency, according to her GPS. She just looked up at it nervously.
She shook her head and slapped herself a couple times on the cheek.
What was she being nervous for? Detective agencies were made for solving murders and stuff, right?
She steeled herself and began up the stairs.
As she got closer to the door, she could hear loud, frantic voices from inside. She looked at it quizzically.
From what she saw on TV, weren't detective agencies usually quiet and somber?
Well.. this was real life. It can't be exactly like it is in TV shows.
She steeled herself again and reached for the doorknob.
She opened up the door and saw a man with a plastic bag tied around his head and some silver haired boy desperately trying to remove it. The creak of the door alerted everyone to her presence and all eyes were immediately on her.
She closed the door and promptly left down the stairs.
She must've gotten the wrong place. The actual detective agency must be around here somewhere...
Before she could get down the stairs someone called after her. "Ah, sorry! Are you here for the detective agency?" She turned around and noticed it was that silver haired boy from before.
"Ah, yes..?" She answered.
Wait, was this actually the agency?
She started to regret her decision of even coming here in the first place all over again.
"Sorry about that." The boy apologized. "He's not usually.. like that." He led her in and rushed off somewhere else and left her in the middle of the room.
The place looked.. relatively normal. The furniture and look of the place was nice and professional, but the staff.. questionable. The boy seemed like a normal secretary (although the hair cut and color was a bit odd). The most professional looking was the man sitting at the desk, who seemed to be quite busy with something. He wore glasses and had pretty normal attire (but again, his hair was slightly weird; he had this completely out of place rattail). But the most unprofessional was the guy leisurely eating snacks on the couch.
And, it seemed neither of them was even acknowledging her.
Christ, what sort of detective agency was this?
Suddenly another employee came up from behind her. "Hello, miss." It was the guy with the bag on his head from earlier, although he didn't look as if he did just a bit ago. "What could we do for you today?" He asked.
It looked like he was trying to.. seduce her or something, considering the rose he was handing out to her.
"Uh.. I'm here for a murder..." Was that how you did it. Whatever.
The man sighed. "What a shame. Such a beauty would've been wonderful to commit a lovers suicide with."
She incredulously stared at him as he left.
The man at the desk finally spoke. "Oh, just murder."
What does he mean 'just murder'!?
He looked over at the guy on the couch. "Sorry Rampo, but could you deal with this real quick?"
Real quick? Real quick!? You don't just solve a murder real quick! And don't you have to investigate first!?
"But I don't wanna!" The guy, or Rampo, whined as he was munching on a bag of chips.
God, was this guy really their consulting detective?
She'd much rather prefer the more professional looking man at the desk or that silver haired boy, or even the guy that was trying to.. commit suicide? Okay maybe not actually.
The rattail man sighed. "Sorry but I've got too much work to do. At this rate I'll miss the meeting." Rampo didn't look convinced. "I'll buy you extra snacks." Rattail man added.
A smirk formed on Rampo's face. "That was all you had to say." He looked over at their client. "So, what's your case?"
"Oh, uh..." She sat down on the opposite couch. "My co-worker was murdered a few weeks ago, and uh.. the police haven't really gotten anywhere so I was hoping you guys could um.. help..." She trailed off. "I, uh.. I have a paper with the details." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was just a photocopy of the file from the police (which she was probably not allowed to have considering she had to copy it in secret) but that probably didn't matter because she didn't exactly think the guy she was showing it to seemed.. the brightest.
Rampo unfolded the paper and read it over. He set it back down once he was finished and then suddenly stood up. He reached into his pocket and dramatically flicked out a pair of glasses, which opened them up in the process. He placed them on his face then shouted, "Ultra Deduction!"
The woman just incredulously stared.
Was.. was that a catchphrase or ritual or something?
She glanced at Mr. Rattail but he wasn't even acknowledging it at all. He was just reading some documents as if this was completely normal.
Rampo just silently stood, looking as if he was thinking. About one minute later, he smirked and sat back down. He removed his glasses and put them back in his pocket.
Then, out of nowhere, he just nonchalantly said, "It was your boss."
She, again, just incredulously stared.
He.. couldn't be serious. He can't be saying it was her boss. Besides, you can't just solve a murder in a minute without even investigating!
"Wait!" She yelled. "He has an alibi, didn't you see!" She pointed at the paper. "He was out drinking at the time of the murder!"
Rampo reached back into his bag of chips and munched on a few. "She was actually killed later. He put her body in his car and turned on the heater really high to speed up the rigor mortis to make it look like she was killed earlier." He took a few sips from a ramune bottle.
Okay... That actually sounded plausible.
No, he must just be someone who watched one too many murder mysteries.
But, wait... How did he even know her boss had a car. Most people nowadays actually tend to use public transportation, including herself.
Whatever, must just be a lucky guess.
"Also." He continued. "There should be some blood stains he missed in his car which is the evidence." He unwrapped a candy and popped it in his mouth.
She had just about had it.
Who does this guy think he is to just say he can solve an entire murder in a minute without investigating (even if his explanation did make sense) and then just casually eat some snacks as if it didn't even matter.
"Fine!" She furiously stood up. "I'll tell that to the police or whatever! See if you're right!" She headed towards the door. "What a waste of time." She grumbled under her breath as she slammed open the door and stormed down the stairs, too mad to even consider paying for their services.
The woman stared in disbelief as she watched her boss be led into a police car, handcuffs chained around his wrists.
No way. He was right. He was actually right.
She put a hand to her head and let out a slightly hysterical laugh.
Well, she shouldn't have judged a book by its cover, huh?