-I guess, I've never really thought about actually leaving Kamino. I mean, I know I certainly wanted to... It meant, that we had survived! Also, it meant...success!But, it was never more to me, than the end-goal... of all the rigorous training. I suppose, I had been so focused on that... like I always do, one-foot-in-front-of-the-next...; that, I hadn't really thought much about... what came after. Or, the effect it would have... on not only me, but on the men. So many unexpected changes... so fast. We were all trained to 'adapt'... but, to changing battle-conditions... to the ebb, and flow... of combat! Now, I'm beginning to wonder if, despite all of our extensive training... we were never really prepared for what it would truly be like...
But out here, in the real galaxy...
In the vast, empty space... and long, slow hours... between battlefields.-
CT-3031, Sergeant- 'Oni'
_'Solus'_ (...15 standard hours, after 'Sullust Star's departure from Kamino)
I've never written a private journal, or log, before... so, I'm not sure what is appropriate. I just feel that it may be important, to someone... someday; to know not only where we were created, orwhat we were ordered to do... but, WHO WE ARE.
Who I am. My numerical designation is CT-3031. My name... given to me by my brothers... is, 'Oni'. I am a Sergeant, in the Grand Army of the Republic.
And, I am a clone.
But, that isn't all that I am. I am also a soldier, a medic, a brother... a man. I'm not a 'wet-droid', as I have been called. If I were, perhaps... things would be simpler. But then, I don't suppose growing up is easy for ANY beings. Much less, for those like me... engineered to age twice as fast. Physically, anyway. Mentally, however... Sometimes, I feel like the most advanced weapon of war ever created...! Being driven, by a child. Technically, I... and my brothers... have only recently turned ten years old...
We are currently in-route for our first mission, aboard our new temporary-home, the 'Sullust Star'. It's over an hour after 'lights out', and I'm still awake.
I am not asleep in my bunk, as per regs... (..or, as befitting a sergeant!) as I have been every single night of my life. Until this one.
This is, also, the first night of my life that I have ever not been on Kamino. Can I not sleep, without the constant muffled thunder of that rainy world?
I wonder... could this be effecting ALL of the men? From looking over at Deuce... soundly snoring, on his bunk next to mine... it wouldn't seem so. (Its just the two of us, in a ship's state-room... all to ourselves! Plus, Trey and Quay are right next door! In their own, two-trooper cabin... As a sergeant, I know, I should feel bad... about the other men... the ones bunked-out altogether, down in the storage, or hanger sections... but this, as Quays' 'Lance Lightspeed' would say... is STELLAR!)
Anyway... could, having been trained exclusively on Kamino somehow also 'trained' us... to equate hearing those turbulent, atmospheric-clashes, with some subliminal signal for sleep?
Again, Deuce's snoring at least confirms that not all Kaminoan clones... 'can't sleep, without the rain'.
Maybe, I'm... could I be... 'homesick'? For KAMINO?
No way... I hate that place! And I'll never go back. EVER! Unless, I'm ordered to assault it... that would be a nice 'homecoming'... heh.
But, no... the lack of constant background noise, can't have effected us this way. The training sergeants would have accounted for that. It must be something else... but what?
All of the men have been checked on, twice.
There are no standing emergency orders... in fact, for the first time in our lives... we're actually on 'STAND DOWN'!
Other than basic security patrols... (and, most of those are completely unnecessary... I just do it to keep the men busy... for discipline.)
There is nothing for us to , until we reach ###########... anyways. After that, I don't know. Nobody onboard does... not, from what I've been able to find out.
Maybe, that's what's bugging me... just, not knowing. I mean, I've 'not known' things before... like, what exactly... was on the training schedule. Or, what was on the menu for chow...
Or, whether me... or my brothers... were going to be alive, come the following moment. But this, 'not knowing'... eats at me.
And, there are other things...
Although, nothing is obviously out-of-place here, onboard our transport ship (some re-tasked old bulk-freighter named 'Sullust Star'... I don't know why), I keep getting the feeling... like one of Trey's 'feelings' I guess...; that there are alot of things, that we were never trained to properly handle... out here.
The ships 'crew', for example...
'Pirates' is what they look more like to me... than actual, military officers! So far as I am aware, no harsh words or insults have been levied towards the men by any of the crew, but...
I don't like the way they stare at us. The way, some of them seem to be friendly... a little too friendly.
Within minutes of leaving Kamino, several troopers had to be separated from... or, returned from leaving with... some of these overtly 'friendly' officers. One trooper (NOT one of MY men, this time... I'll HAVE to watch Quay!...sigh); even had to be rushed to medical... for ingesting GLITTERSTIM!
Drugs that, he had illegally 'purchased'...BY TRADING HIS DECEE SCOPE!
He still wasn't been able to identify who he got the drugs, or gave his kit, to. Currently, he's still strapped to a bed, in med-bay. His sergeant (my bud, 'Salt'... heloves the stuff!), said he'll let me know what happens. But, just the thought...!
Yes. I'm going to have to keep a very close eye on 'lil bro', here! I hope Trey will help me out. I can't trust Deuce to do it... that's for sure! Forsome reason, Deuce will only encourage the little barve!
I have to admit... here, to these pages... and, to myself; that I am no longer as sure that our training has been as thorough, as I had always believed it to be... even just a few, short hours ago. But, I have stay sharp. I have to keep my men focused. As hard as keeping them all alive on Kamino was, I get the feeling... things are only going to get more complicated from here on.
That's why, no matter what... my first duty is always to protect them. I cannot allow doubts to creep their way into their minds... or, allow the men to become distracted... not now. On Kamino, I was so sure... that the men could handle any occurred situations, or threats...
Hmph... I'll bet, according to them... 'threaten' them... is ALL I do!
I often wonder... like I do now...
If, they really think I enjoy being... such a 'rancor', all the time? Or, being 'Mr. Regulations'... as I KNOW they call me behind my back!
Or, do they know... how I honestly feel about them?
Sometimes, when I close my eyes... I see him; leaning over some type of lighted table... drawing those holo-comics he loves so much, onto giant sheets of flimsi. A huge smile, upon his excited... obviously aged, face. I don't know where the image comes from... but, it leaves me feeling hopeful that... I will see it for real, someday.
I don't know what else Deuce would be, if not a soldier. If he has any other interests, he does a good job of keeping them secret... even from me! As a brother, none could be better. One day, like Quay... I hope to see Deuce live a long, fruitful life... far beyond the calls of battle, or duty. His unusual insights would probably make him a fine scientist... or even, a political leader. So much remains hidden within him, I suspect... just below the surface.
And lastly, Trey...
...is sometimes a COMPLETE KRIFFING mystery, to me! And, those 'instincts' of his... Deuce has it right, the stuff I've seen him do... it's, 'spooky'.
I mean, every soldier (who lives past his few battles), developes a 'sharpened awareness'. But, Trey... sometimes, he scares me... the way he seems to know, what's about to happen next! It's... it's not...
And, I noticed... he was acting especially odd, earlier today. Just before deployment. At first, I thought it was the 'come-down' from exercises... (he did that 'sensing' thing then, too!)... added to the thrill, of finally going to war.
But now, I'm not so sure... I haven't had time to talk with him about it, yet. Now, he seems to be his old, dependable self again. Maybe, I should let it be. I just don't know...
One thing I do know... I'm going to need Trey's help now, more than ever... if I'm going to have any chance of keeping us all alive long enough to see my 'visions' of my brothers, have any chance of coming to pass.