DISCLAIMER: I don't own BNHA, neither one of my kidneys (if ya read my other story of the guy with mental powers, ya would get this "joke").


Nothing to say but sorry by my shitty comedy and grammar. I'm not a Natura-English-Talker, so that. And see ya.


CHAPTER 1: Fuck to the comedy.


"-Yawn-" His tiredness took ride of his mouth letting a wide boringness sign annoy the wind sisters.

"Could you fucking stop doing that baldie!" A high pitch feminine voice echoed through the hallway. Why was that C-ranked dude with them anyways? Wasn't she enough to get rid of everything here!?

"Co-Come on both of you." Another feminine voice -this time not so high pitched- tried to calm the situation. "We all came here by the Hero Association order."

"SHUT UP FUBUKI! You're not here because of that!" The loli-look woman shouted pointing to her little sister… yes, little.

It wasn't weird to see a couple of siblings having both height and proportions that differs, however, to Saitama this was ridiculous. The younger one was, in a lack of a better word, appealable. Big bust, slender arms and legs and hips that made the B-ranked hero want to even wide his eyes to have a better look -which was such an impressive achievement being him himself-. On the other side was Tatsumaki, who was… basically a child. Yes, he couldn't doubt about her milky thighs that sometimes took his eyes but still, what's up with that childish look? Didn't her parents feed her properly? Would she grow up if he gave her nutritive food? His wallet would manage to endure that? So many questions with no answer…

"SEE!? HE'S NOT EVEN HEARING!" Her voice got even more high.

On the other side was Fubuki, the key of this operation, who wanted to sigh even more than the first time she had meet Saitama. The only reason she was enduring that situation and not enjoining her holiday was because the Association didn't want this to explode… or get Saitama killed in the way they explained it -result that was out of the question for obvious reasons-. Saitama plus her sister wasn't the very best combination and, because most of the S-rank heroes were busy with other parts of the ship, she was asked (ordered) to look after both of them. It wasn't going as bad as it could but neither wasn't going well; even less than that if Saitama kept his… well, Saitama-attitude.

"I think it's this way." The bald -"Call me bald again and I'm going to punch you."-, so-sorry MR. Saitama, I mean the greatest hero ever -"That's the way."- said while turning to the right.

"YOU SAID THAT THREE BIFURCATIONS AGO!" Tatsumaki yelled. "I'VE SEEN THIS ALIEN CORPSE THREE TIMES ALREADY!"

"Then I guess there was a lot of similar aliens." The master of the universe -"Don't get too excited."-, sorry; the guy named after the city said before realizing something. His steps weren't working.

"This time we're taking left." The OP loli ordered while using her powers to move Saitama to said direction.

"Okay boss." He said not aware of the proudness on Tatsumaki's chest by her nickname.

.

.

.

.

"See? I was right!" The -not literal- little girl said with a proud smile.

"Yeah, congratulations." Saitama gave her a head pat.

Now, to Fubuki's awe, Tatsumaki just straightened her back while putting her hands on her hips and let out a proudness humm. "Well, at least they were getting along (?)."

"So… what are we supposed to do here?" The deadpanned hero asked.

"-Sigh- Did you at least read the e-mail the association send you?" The hero Blizzard of Hell asked with a tired tone.

"Oh, that e-mail? I don't know, since a lot of the letters I was send had death threats, Genos decided to take care of both my e-mail and physical mail. He told me that the association needed me to guide you here because I was the only one who managed to enter, so here I am." Saitama said while taking a look of the place.

It was nothing to make him awe but it surely was a weird thing. A lot of thick cables were scattered around the room, some of them with wide cuts that made the B-rank hero remind his neighborhood utility poles. A giant screen that, even if now it had a big crack, Saitama couldn't afford in his whole life. "This thing is surely big…" He said not aware of the odd looks both of the esper were giving him.

"Death threats?" The younger one asked a little frightened of someone threating Saitama.

"Yeah, there's some people with lot of free time." Saitama said while still inspecting the place.

"Sure there are…" Fubuki was usual to that kind of letters; she was the first rank of the B heroes after all. She knew the kind of people who reach those actions for nothing but envy.

"Well, you should track them and THROW THEM THROUGH FUCKING WINDOW!" The Tornado of Terror yelled while stroking her hand with seemingly anger.

"Nah, too much of a problem to me… Oh, look at this!" The B-rank hero lifted what appeared to be a photo of an alien family doing alien things. "Interesting."

"WHAT'RE YOU SAYING BALDIE!" Tatsumaki yelled while waving her arm in indignation. "YOU'RE A HERO! They MUST to worship you!"

Saitama, after taking off his hand of his ears for protection, shrugged in an almost indifferent way. "Nah, it is futile; there's always people who wanna take you down… What's this?" He grabbed some kind of button from what looked like a desk near to a weird platform.

"Saitama, I don't think you should be that close to-" Fubuki's words died mid-sentence.

"Even if, you MUST to show them!" Her words echoed the place with way more anger.

Side to both of the overly powered heroes, Fubuki looked at them while holding a sigh. This was why the Association had send her; not because she could stop her sister -neither Saitama- but because they doubted Tatsumaki to use too much of her esper powers with her little sister around. And, by the way her sister wasn't destroying everything, her presence was working.

"AND STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING!" The green haired girl shouted taking Fubuki out of her mind.

Concerned by her sister's words, Fubuki looked at Saitama. Despites his weird costume -even for a hero- there was nothing new in his appearance… nothing weird but the weird button in his hand. "She's right Saitama!" She said a little louder than she wanted to. "You don't know if that could activate something dangerous!"

Saitama, oblivious of the danger of touching that button, feel the need to tease a little. "What? This button?" He said while moving his finger teasingly around the button. "Don't worry, this is just…" The hero turned the button to read a scrimption that was thankfully ([Cough] for plot convenience [Cough]) in Japanese. "An interrupter for a dimensional travel machine… Wait what!?"

"Told you!" Tatsumaki said while using her powers to take the button out of Saitama's hands. "Next time be more careful!" She said while throwing the button recklessly...

"Oh shit." Was the last time Saitama muttered before the button fell unfortunately ([Cough] by author's hand [Cough]) upside-down pressing the button. The whole place turned on and a flash of light echoed the place. A lot of weird words filled the -apparently- not broken screen as the platform shone and the cut thick cables began to repair themselves. And, in a matter of seconds, a hole swallowed Saitama.

The first thing Saitama managed to feel was the temperature; he was really hot. Then his nose twitched as the dense smell of sweat and balls filled his lungs. Suddenly, the darkness that fulfilled his eyes faded letting him see an -actually VERY- sexy woman dressing a suggestive blue lingerie. Two narrowed erotic eyes looking directly at him under a blue mask with horns. Her blonde hair melted with the milky skin of her back that was followed by the two thick butt-cheeks. It surely aroused Saitama, however, as the feel of his body became… well, feeleable, he could tell that he was already aroused if the feel of his not-so-little friend on his hand told him something.

Well, he already was at it, so…

_Thirty minutes later_

After a time well wasted, Saitama sighed while lying in a bed that was mysteriously familiar with his back. He looked around in a try to figure out where he ended. If the -MANY- posters of semi-naked girls with heroes' costumes and others with a -little- bit more clothes meant something, he knew where he was. "This is an adolescent's room…" He paused for a moment. "An adolescent with great taste." Sure, his tastes weren't that unusual, but damn that this kid had very similar taste.

Letting his perverseness aside, Saitama decided to go and wash his hands. Somehow, he -or at least his body- knew where the bathroom was. He didn't paid attention to his surroundings as he walked unconsciously to what his mind told him that was the bathroom. He entered and… "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK!?" … yelled like never in his life. "IT'S BACK!" He screamed as his hand grabbed the black hair. "IT'S FUCKING BACK!" He shouted at the time he pressed his head to the mirror to have a better look. "FUCK YEAH!" Without stopping himself by the young face at the mirror, Saitama began to jump while yelling something about Genos going to fuck himself under a bridge or the Association of Heroes being a bunch of mother fuckers. He got out of the bathroom and jumped down stairs. His land wasn't the usual feeless one but at slightly painful, however, it didn't stop Saitama from getting out of the house to scream at the sky "EAT SHIT GOD!" before laughing with no holdbacks.

The whole neighborhood screamed for silence and for him to put some clothes, yet Saitama just smiled ear to ear and headed towards his house… "Wait, what?" He stopped at the entrance. It was his house. His CHILDHOOD house. "It's not possible…" He muttered to himself. His parent's house got destroyed after the sudden increase of monster attack occurrence at Z-city, so it wasn't possible that his house was in One Piece -unlike the Going Merry-. Everything was so fast that Saitama only managed to realize something important after a while of looking voided. "The-Then the-they are…" He muttered while running inside the house. "They c-could be…!" Saitama began to look for something in a desperate way.

"Oh, hey Sai." A feminine voice greeted Saitama. "It's weird to see you this early." A woman with black hair, beautiful face and a pink apron over a beish sweater and black skirt walked towards a table with a plate. "Here you go, darling." She let the dish in front of a man with an office suit.

"Thanks honey." He thanked before looking at the naked Saitama. "Again? Don't you know how to wear clothes?" The man with black hair and black glasses said while pointing his son with his chopsticks.

"Oh, come on darling" The woman said while cradling her cheek with a hand and seemingly looking at the lower part of Saitama. ", he at least inherited your pride." She joked before walking to the kitchen again. "What do you want to your breakfast Sai?" Her smile was one that just a mother could give.

"I want eggs with rice please!" Saitama said passing through his parents like nothing while muttering sentences about something lost. Then he went to the sofa and took out the coffins in a desperate way before taking out a wooden plank. "THERE YOU ARE!" He shouted while grabbing one of the magazines inside the coffin. With more emotion than ever, the B-rank hero opened it with expectation filling his heart, however… "WHAT!?" He said flipping the pages with a frown on his face. "WHO'S THIS PEOPLE!?" He threw it before looking at the others. "AND WHY THERE'S SO FEW!?"

It was weird. Saitama, since he was eleven, began his collection of p*rn magazines before they got destroyed with the rest of Z-city. At the time, Saitama cried more than he ever did. Now he was back, nevertheless, this wasn't his collection. Not that he could complain so much about it since this collection was indeed amazing in quality… HOW-FUCKING-EVER, THIS COLLECTION WAS TOO SMALL! IT WAS LIKE THE ONE HE HAD WHEN HE WAS FIFTEEN!

Jumping from his place, Saitama ran towards his mother. "MOM HOW OLD I AM!?" He shouted while grabbing her shoulders.

A little stunned by her son's weird attitude, the woman repeated the question. "How old are you?" Her repetition made Saitama nod furiously. "Well, if we're talking about down there, then I would say-"

"NOT THAT AGE!" He shook her with a vein growing at his forehead.

"Yo~u a~~re fo~urte~~en!" The elder woman said trying to endure the shook of her son.

Saitama's face fell. He let his mother's shoulders before looking at the clock with a serious face.

"If you speed up, you still could get in time." The office man mentioned while taking sip of his coffee. "Woah, this is a great one!" He said ignoring how Saitama ran upstairs with a vicious look in his face.

The elder woman looked at her -still naked- son with a curious face. "Don't you think he's a little over excited?" She asked to her husband.

"Nah." He said while getting up from his chair. "I was like that after every time I beat my meat." He grabbed his black briefcase.

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you see his hand?" He asked walking to the front door that was open after his son's breakdown.

A laugh came out from the woman's mouth. "Hee-hee, yeah! I always told him to wash after his sessions."

The man laughed too, however, he did it for a different reason. "Yeah, but you should do the same." He put his shoes on.

"Why would I do that?"

He smiled at her and pointed his left shoulder. "I doubt that being cream." The man smiled while getting out of the house before closing the door.

"My shoulder…?" She said while putting a hand on the pointed shoulder and, god, did she regret doing that. "KYAAAAAAAH!"

Saitama was excited. TOTALLY excited. He didn't recall the last time he felt this strong feeling at his throat. As he putted his uniform on, the EX-B-Ranked hero felt that he was going to fix everything. Back in his original life, he didn't paid attention to class; didn't took notes; didn't try at all. Heck, he barely ended high school per obligations instead for his future and that…

That screwed his life and made him paid the price. He couldn't get a job; couldn't paid rent properly; couldn't buy manga; and worst of all… HE COULDN'T RESTORE HIS COLLECTION! Everything was regret in most of his past, but now… NOW HE HAS A NEW OPPORTUNITY! He was going to give all his self to end school; going to be the best student ever; going to enter in a great university; going to get a job; going to jerk off with all those new magazines that -for some reason- were different from the originals…

He stopped half way of putting on his pants. "THE BUTTON!" He recalled after thinking about the change of his collection itself yet that still in the same place but also with his tastes and kinks. "That means…" He said while looking outside the window. "… THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF NEW MAGAZINES!"

Now, even more happy, Saitama ran out of his room directly to the front door while ignoring his mother that had her upper half almost naked and was cleaning furiously her sweater. "I'm going mom!" He said ignoring the plate of eggs and rice.

__Five hours later_

A burned-out Saitama came out of the building that people call "school", but do not get tricked! It was the hell itself. First thing he could comment: There were way too many monsters. The first three seconds out of his house -this time clothed and fully conscious- were a total madness. A dog-man was there patrolling the place with a police uniform. Being Saitama, the first thing he tried was to blow the life off of the monster, however, with the body of an adolescent which only physical activity was jerking off, the slight punch he tried to deal to the monster seemed more like a greet of an old friend or a show of respect. So the "officer" only returned the greeting with his own slight punch on the chest and gave him a doggy smile before going to help an old lady trying to cross the street.

It surely took Saitama by surprise, but he discarded it thinking about the weird appearance being a hero costume… at least until he saw the dog-man moving his tail when the old lady gave him what looked like a dog candy. He could had expended more time thinking about it but the excitement of that time -emphasis in that time- took his attention as he stepped towards what his body told him was the train station. It was weird to let your body do all the work, however, at the same time it wasn't an unwelcome sensation. Besides, it gave Saitama time to realize the weird looks that all the people was giving him. The mystery of the odd eyes looking at him lasted until he looked at his reflection in a mirror shop…

Let's just say that he SHOULDN'T had touched his hair at the bathroom.

After a while of washing his hair -was it always that complicated to wash?-, Saitama reached the train station. It cost him ages to not (try) to blow off of his toes every monster he saw while waiting the train. Apparently, he assumed, some monsters were considered people and not punching bags. When the bullet train arrived, Saitama entered quickly to find a sit. As his body rested on the not-so-comfortable seat, the EX-B-rank hero realized something…

He was tired.

Now you could say that it wasn't weird to feel lazy or over-done because of not sleeping or dealing with Genos, but this was different. His body felt heavy, his breaths were deep and slower than usual and both his chest and right ankle hurt. Thinking back, he realized that he didn't give it a second -or even a first- thought to his dimensional-change. He was now in his fourteen years old body again. Weak and sensible body. However, that fact didn't bother Saitama as much as it should. Yeah, he was weak again, but that wouldn't matter when he got rich…

That thought was showed to be unfounded.

A few train stops passed and a weird guy came in. His looks passed oblivious to Saitama at the time, but when the hand of the man reached down a skirt, he couldn't take it. Of course that the whole situation ended with the man running away after the train stopped, Saitama with a bruise on his temple and a girl being comforted by the surrounding women. The whole moment hit Saitama more than he thought. Back when he was weak, it wasn't unusual to get punched, kicked, swallowed, slashed or pierced, however, now that he knew what was to be strong, his weakness felt… wrong. Not bad or odd, just wrong.

When he reached his stop and walked out of the station heading to where he saw other kids with the same uniform, the weakened hero could do nothing but sigh. The back excitement and will to be the best Saitama he could, were both almost faded as he walked inside class. And the few chances of him giving his all to be better died when the first class started. Seriously, was school always this hard? And above that, was this boring!? For god's sake, not even his time looking for a job were this tedious. Also, what the fuck with the kids this days!? Yeah, he didn't like to sound like a grumpy old man but goddamn, didn't those assholes get bored of telling him that he was quirkless? Whatever that word meant, he learned that was supposed to be an insult. Their attitude wasn't enough to piss him off, but the annoyance he felt was becoming barely endurable.

Also, what the fuck with all those weird-looking brats!? He wasn't racist, but goddamn, he doubted a kid with a bull face and chicken body could be treated equal…Oh, so this was how the Ku Klux Klan felt… Oh fuck. Now he was not just worried about all those weird things but also because he could be racist… or as racist as those brats.

As the feel of the ground greeted his sore steps, Saitama couldn't help but to sigh. It was bad to miss his old life? To miss how Genos paid him to be his "pupil"? Also… was it bad to miss the Hero-Catalogue from his world? Yeah, most of them were a bunch of weirdos, but weirdos who seemed to be human and not monsters who didn't like the stereotype of monster. How he was supposed to know who was bad and who was good!? What if he blows the shit out of a lizard-man because he was… well, a lizard-man? Wait… was he still thinking about being a hero!? Was his plan of having a better life just a temporal desire of the moment?

His answers came when, without his knowledge, he was already walking through a crew. The smell of the smokes and sound of explosions made him almost smile. Now, looking at a kid being raped by a sludge with mouth and eyes, he could feel it. This was his element, not all that bullshit of story, chemistry, physical and whatever they do when it came to PE. This was his job…

"KACCHAN!" A sudden scream got him out of his trance. Jumping through the barrier that kept the people out of the danger, a kid with green hair began his way between the flames and smoke. The surrounding heroes that Saitama ignored until then yelled in both surprise and concern. Ignoring them, he used his bag to hit the sludge's eyes and kept running. He seemed to say something to the explosive brat who was trapped before the sludge villain smiled widely. A tentacle raised and prepared to hit the kid.

In the crew, a skinny man clenched his hands. The feel of the blood on his mouth wasn't nothing against the fury his mind gnawed. White steam began to surround his body. He could feel the fire on his soul burning all his doubts when the look of his blue eyes hardened like in his glory days. His muscles ached as his whole body began to transform in the Symbol of Peace. All Might was about to-

"You should think before acting." A monotone voice cut through all the sound.

[Thud]

The young kid who tried to save his bully was pulled back by another one who looked… excited? His uniform was the same the green kid had, however, the people who managed to look at his face saw a smile that seemed to not fit on the plain face as he prepared his fist to blow the fuck out of the monster… or that was the plan.

[Wet blow]

The profuse silence was broken by an ugly voice. "JAH! What're ye trying little hero!? First this green brat again and now you! THIS IF FUCKING HILARIOUS!" The sludge monster began to laugh with no hold backs. Meanwhile, Saitama just looked down at his slimed fist. Yes, it was disgusting, but nothing he had never felt before. Besides, that wasn't the biggest problem…

He looked up to the sludge and couldn't hold back the sigh his chest had. It was like in the past. When he was weak and training to be strong. When he had to give his everything at every battle to not fall. When he was… excited of fighting. His mind clicked. This wasn't a curse or a punishment… this was a new opportunity to enjoy. To be strong again; to feel all the pain it came with his hobby; to be… Saitama again. His back smile returned even bigger than before.

Again, he looked up to the monster who was laughing loudly. The whole crew and heroes were screaming at him to run, however, he did nothing to hear. As the mouth of the sludge got wider and wider, Saitama managed to see inside.

There was a tongue, a uvula and a throat. His smile got wilder as he jumped to grab the mouth. Naturally, the sludge tried to get him out of his mouth, yet Saitama just kept entering to the terror of the whole place. His body seemed to disappear inside the mouth. They expected him to get inside the thing side to the explosive kid but, as he kept his way inside the mouth, the adolescent kept disappearing. The only thing that was left of the boy were both of his feet that were out of the mouth. The monster tried to grab them but his tentacles just kept slicing from the shoes. At the end, the whole kid was gone inside the mouth.

Everything and everyone were quiet. No one said nothing at the sight of the sludge villain feeling nothing but pain. "AAAAAAAGH!" He screamed. "SOMEONE HEL-BLEGGHWE!" His voice came out with lot of blood. The red kept flowing and flowing from his mouth as he cried for help.

From the other side, a woman who seconds ago was a giant, got smaller and ran towards the monster. "WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" She screamed to her team. "HE'S DYING AND THERE'S A KID INSI-!" Her words were interrupted by another sudden scream. This one being totally pitiful and lame.

[Implosion]

The old green got tinted by the red of the blood. Guts and organs surrounded the ground while the people got aware of what they were seeing. Where a big slime figure stood just seconds ago was now an amount of fluids that began its way through the streets. The screams and people throwing didn't wait to fill the alley. None of the heroes could believe the amount of crimson swimming at the floor. However, none of those things made them more surprised than the human standing in the middle of everything.

A smile was decorating the face full of blood. His stance above the body of the explosive kid was not worried or afraid, just… excited. Then he laughed. The man laughed more than in his whole life. All the guts and blood on his body flowed through his uniform and eyes, but he kept laughing. It was like that for a while until he stopped. He looked at the sky with a mischievous grin on his lips. Then he looked down at the kid looking at him with indecipherable fear. He grabbed his bag and began his way towards the crew, letting the kid with a simple phrase. "Great courage, but next time be stronger." His words hit the kid with an unexpected strength, letting him just nodding.

Saitama, ignoring the look of everyone -he was used so they didn't bother him-, kept walking with no hurry for anything. At least, until he saw a woman with a horned mask. She was a bit smaller than him, but still totally hot… "WAIT!" He said running to the stunned hero. "YOU'RE THE MODEL OF THE MAGAZINE!" Saitama beamed before looking confused. "But you are a little smaller than I thought…" In fact, even if Saitama wasn't tall (even less now), the woman was fucking tiny. "Still hot." He opened his bag and handed the girl a notebook with a pen. "Can you sign this?"

Yu Takeyama looked down at the notebook with a deadpanned face. It was now bloody by his hands, however, he just seemed to want her to sign. "What?" She asked too overcame.

"I want your sign." He said with the same beamed but plain blooded face.


That's all folks. Also, I'm working in other story about the Saitama of BNHA world in Saitama's body having sexual adventures with all OPM waifus. Also, no, Saitama (in this story) is not going to be the strongest guy until a VERY while.