The second thing I wrote for bsd - the first is just a lil thing that I imagined and I doubt I'll ever post it unless its part of a longer work. Anyway, if you listen to the track Kyouchikutou ( /C5ag7xTgXyQ) while reading this (especially the last paragraphs), it makes it pretty sad but it also contradicts the atmosphere I had in mind for this. I suggest ypu experience it both ways - source: my brain automatically played it in my head as i wrote the final paragraphs.

fr tho, Dazai's the best


Dazai was what you'd normally consider a cheerful kid, at least based on his usual behaviour. Some days though, he just didn't feel it. He'd seen a lot growing up and sometimes it just messed with his head more than usual - more than enough to not make him the 'happy kid' for a while. It was one of those days.

He was 17 at the time. He had plans to spend the day with Ango and Odasaku getting some new stuff - winter was coming and he wanted to buy some jackets and a scarf or two. He had a meeting about the mafia too - boring, but being the executive it sort of came with the package. But when he woke up he found he didn't want to get out of bed.

Not even the prospect of meeting his two closest friends later in the day seemed to really cheer him up.

So, naturally, the only solution was to go back to sleep - which he did, quite happily choosing not to text Mori or Chuuya or Kyoyo that he won't be there for the meeting just to mess with them. The yelling he'd get later on was worth it just to get on their nerves.

When he next woke up, it was around 11 am - meeting should have ended by now, which meant Chuuya would be coming to bite his head off close enough to 11:10. He sighed, and rolled over awaiting the torrent of insults by the short red-headed slug who was his partner. He'd rather not have gone through with it but there wasn't anything he could do to stop him. And he still felt unhappy.

Sure enough, Chuuya came and bit his head off. "IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOT" this and "LAME BAKA" that - Dazai didn't really care either way and he was too exhausted to really listen or even fire back to even a single one and instead just lay there with an arm covering his eyes as Chuuya fired off every insult in the book at him (those that he didn't would be covered by Mori, that wasn't a problem). That was one thing Chuuya raised an eyebrow at - if there was ever going to be a trademark of their relationship, it was getting on each other's nerves especially in Dazai's case. Luckily he didn't pressure him too much - he knew about his struggles (at least as much as he had seen) and so he knew when it was and wasn't okay. So he told him to get out of bed because he'd been sleeping for a f* 13 hours, tell him if he needed anything (at the moment he just really needed him to keep quiet for a bit) and that he'd bring him some food later and then left to take care of some other mafia business if it wasn't for which he was sure he would've stayed.

Chuuya was a good friend. He may go on about how much he hated Dazai with every cell in his body half the time but the moment he got hurt or needed something Chuuya would be there for him, same with Dazai (although he may just annoy him just a teensie bit more on purpose). He was glad he could count on him for that.

Anyway, around a few hours later his mood had hit an all time low for the day. He still hadn't got out of bed, he was starting to feel awful and just wanted the day to be over so people would stop asking if he was okay and he'd be able to sleep or be left alone with his thoughts again (hopefully it was the former - Dazai really didn't want to feel that crippling loneliness and guilt and purposeless madness again at least not that day). But it was around time for him to go out with his fuzz buddies and Odasaku would be here to pick him up soon but he didn't want to get out of bed or do anything and he didn't quite want to face his friends in this condition either.

And although Chuuya hadn't brought in the food yet, he wasn't really hungry so that wasn't gonna work on him either…

He sighed and groaned and simply rolled over in bed once more. He heard Odasaku coming up the stairs at around 2:45, a knock a minute later, and the door opening just after he sent back a dreary 'hey, Odasaku.'

Oda walked in to an ordinary but uncommon sight - Dazai was lying on the futon with his back to the door - you could see the bandages showing from under his dark hair clearly and he seemed so badly listless any other person would've wondered when was the last time he ate.

Not Odasaku, though. He knew his friend better than anyone. Maybe because he sometimes went through the same depressive episodes, but he understood him completely.

Still, he decided to go on and question him anyway.

"You're not coming?"

A hesitant shake.

Dazai slowly sat up as Odasaku went further in. He simply approached him and got to his knees and then enveloped Dazai in a hug.

To Dazai, it felt like he got the one thing he'd spent his whole life looking for. The warmth from being held in his arms and the pure support and protectiveness and acceptance and understanding he could feel surrounding him and the feel of his hand behind the bandages around his head (he didn't take them off even when sleeping) and the way he just held him for a long time was everything he needed. He wasn't sure but he thought he might've wet Odasaku's shirt by tearing up a bit - he wasn't even sure if he'd cried or not he was so lost in the feeling. He clung to him like siblings cling to the things they're fighting over as Odasaku held him close and made sure to let him know he was supported, and loved, and needed and strong and that it was okay for him to feel the way he did through his touch. He barely heard it when Odasaku told Ango to "Get some rice and curry from the old man's place and head over," to the room he shared with Chuuya.

When Ango arrived, Dazai was still holding Odasaku close almost as if the success of his next suicide attempt depended on it. The curry was still too hot for both him and Ango (Odasaku ate it like it was a banana much to the never-ending amazement of both of them). They shared some stories about work after that, Odasaku mentioned wanting to get something for the kids and Dazai offered to help him pick out some stuff and Ango yelled at both of them for trying to pour water all over his suit even though he knew it was going in one ear and out the other and only being saved in that one folder they'd all come back to later for remembering pleasure when they're on their separate ways but still in touch with each other if life and death didn't do them part (although Dazai was sure he'd be the first to go due to all his suicide attempts even though Oda and Ango both were convinced he wasn't going out that easy). It was nice. Really nice.


last thing I ever saw was S2 ep9, so dont come at me for innacuuracies pls - everything written in this is based off what I gathered from fanarts and the character's interactions. I'll try to change it as needed once I'm done with S3 as well - so no spoilers please either. RR?