OneShe woke in the middle of the night from a dream of her and Reade, he seemed to be everything she could think about, but the reality of waking and knowing and that hurt coming back and he isn't alive, that he hone only tarnished the memory in her dream that she longed and wished that she could have him back, that this had all been a nightmare, she would wake up in her New York apartment again, toss and turn, opening her eyes and being alone and in Reade's old apartment, when they had returned and was let go for the FBI, she did what she could and she clung to the past of the last weeks of hope and love and happiness she had and all of that had been with Reade. In his apartment, it was small but there was only her and her ever-growing bump, she was pregnant with their child, she was looking to the court for the sake of their unborn daughter, so she returned and she managed to get the lease on the apartment, so she felt she was almost home, the place looked nearly identical to how it was when Edgar Reade had been its sole tenant.
Those were the last words that rang through Edgar Reade's mind before the fullness of the dark depths descended on him. Tasha Zapata was the one who had spoken those last words and we would never forget them. But she would live with never telling him the last words she wanted to say, she was dazed and confused by all the motion and panic at the time that she forgot to tell him that she loved him, to tell him to thank you, to tell him anything. She regretted that each and every day she lived.
Tasha was dealing, coping, living with the pain of his loss. It ached her heart. It was torn in two, half of her was alive but half of her was gone, died, a part of her, a huge part of her died with him, but a part of him was born again every day that the child that she was carrying grew bigger, larger, stronger. She wished that when their daughter kicked her insides that he could have been feeling their child grow stronger under his hand, or that the calm soothing voice of his would settle their baby so she could sleep. She wished so much that she could see him again.
It haunted her. She was carrying his child, half her, half him and yet he would never see their child, he was dead, he would never know that she existed, that she was on this earth after he was gone, but the way she was raised by her own mother made her think about if by the spirit he would know about their baby girl.
His voice, his words rang through her mind all the time, his final words would live and lie with her forever, for eternity. They would follow her no matter where she went because all she thought about for days, for weeks, for months after his demise was him. The way he looked in her memories the way he would talk to her the way that they had passionate sex and the way he loved her. There was no end to the pain, not in the sort of memorial they had done when they had rescued Rich, or the times she thought about the baby girl she was carrying who would never meet her dad, and her dad never knew that day when he sacrificed himself for her that he was also sacrificing himself for their daughter too.
She had been thinking a lot lately, she didn't have a purpose in her old life, she had no partner no career in law enforcement, she had had the dream of a career in law enforcement she had entered as a rookie beat cop in the police before working her way to Quantico and becoming an FBI field agent where on her first day she meets Reade, the love of her life, he was always going to be that, it had taken them years to figure it out and when they had it had been taken from them so unjustifiably early, they hadn't had time to have any of the romantic things you see I movies. The I love yous they never got to say, then I'm pregnant she never got to tell him, then you're going to be a father, all because of a missile strike orchestrated by Madeline Burke. But then she was a CIA operative and a good one before she returned to her old team to be an FBI field operative and officer again because the way that Burke had infiltrated the government, law enforcement and the way the team had worked they were let go, she had no purpose any more. She had months before she was going to be a single and very alone mother and the only thing she looked forward to most months was that she was going to have a piece of him with her every day for the rest of her life. Their daughter. Patterson would come from her base of operations with Rich for that gold making mission every month to come and see her, Patterson promised that she would always come and visit her, and she stuck to it every month as clockwork the last long weekend in every month she would come and visit her.
She closed her eyes abs dreamt of her lover, of him as she held her hand tell of her petite frame and the growing bump that sat perfectly in her centre and only living when the unborn baby wanted some of her mummy's attention by kicking her little tiny feet out to her mum stomach, which would occasionally show her feet pressing that hard that mini footprints could be made out. She felt him inside her because their daughter was there. She was half him, half her, she put her at ease as she rolled her eyes down and stared at the abyss of the back of her eyelids wishing, dreaming that this life that she lived could have been changed. She dreamt again. She dreamt of Iceland and Reade. Last night she dreamt of him again.
Hours had gone by and she hadn't dreamt that time. She thought of the time of the month ,the date was 24th and she knew that Patterson would be coming over soon to come and see her and the ever growing bump, it was something she enjoyed doing seeing her best friend, it made it easier to deal with the hurt. From the actions of Madeline Burke half of the team had been wiped out nearly, Reade had died from a missile strike in Iceland and Jane had died in the middle of time square before of a potentially devastating zip bomb, she didn't take the antidote correctly so she died protecting millions of people in New York, original team they had been of them 5 only 3 remained and for them to live it was hard for them to tie to live for every moment. Every second because their partners. Their comrades didn't. Because they died they lived.
″Patterson, hey, what are you up too,″
″oh well me and Rich are still trying to get this project to work."
"So are you still coming to New York at the end of the month,"
"Yeah, I wouldn't miss it. Your going to be such a good mum, and your due soon so I thought I might stay a bit longer
"Thanks P, that's great, t minus 5 weeks until my due date."
"Well I better get packing for this weekend and let Rich know what I'm doing, so I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay see you soon,"
"See you in a couple of days, bye."
Darkness descended upon Zapata, she knew she had seen the door open and had seen a balck figure but after that she could see, she could barely hear, drifting into a wave of unconsciousness she rolled her ring under the sofa as she let go of the precious metal and stone. She thought again of him, putting her at ease as she thought of his words that were in her ring.
I got you… Always…