1This is one of the most self-indulgent things I've ever written hnnfhsgsg I am absolutely projecting my Mika Thirst onto Renley. Like don't worry, I'm aware of it. I'm also aware my attempt at smut is too vague to really count. Depending how you look at it, I'm sorry or you're welcome.
Chapter 7: You're So Composed (And I'm So Dramatic)
Song: All The Fucking Time by Loote
Boy, your love is the shit, put your hands on my hips
Could you come fuck me up just a little?
ONE WEEK POST SIRE SKYLE'S FUNERAL
Renley was multitasking, trying to review some prospect assessments while munching his way through a late lunch when Mika abruptly sat down across the table from him. He had a real knack for materializing out of nowhere.
"How does a face like that end up working in a place like this?" Renley greeted him with a wink. Mika activated Insta-Kill Death Glare Level 47 but Renley didn't skip a beat. He merely rolled his eyes and added, "Relax. The only other people here are those old Generals on the far side of the room and they're all blind or deaf or both."
Mika rolled his eyes.
"Clear your schedule for this evening."
"I told Vanez I'd help facilitate the second set of recruit assessments." Renley countered, gesturing at the stack of paperwork he'd been reading over. "If I can even catch up on the first round of evaluation reports before then."
"Since when do you handle paperwork? I thought your whole thing was spending so much time in the sporting halls that nobody realizes you're smart." Said Mika, a little critically.
"Mika, I realize you have a lot going on in your life, so it's entirely possible you've never noticed…" said Renley slowly and rather patronizingly. "…but Vanez cannot read these reports because he doesn't have eyes."
"So he won't notice if you don't show up."
"Gods, you're a horrible boss. I'm not blowing Vanez off just so I can blow your back out." Renley waved his hand dismissively, but smirked in amusement as he pretended to focus on his paperwork.
"Say blow one more time." Said Mika.
"Blow me." Renley replied innocently.
Mika snickered at that, because he's living proof you can be the embodiment of razor-sharp wit and somehow still have the sense of humour of a twelve-year-old. He stood up to leave, but paused and dead-eye Renley with great severity.
"Clear your schedule or I'll clear it for you. I only asked as a courtesy." Said Mika.
"Fuck, you must be really horny." Said Renley with a wayward grin.
"If that was the case, I would've saved myself all this trouble and just summoned you to a supply closet. We'd be finished and back to work by now."
"First, I'll pretend you didn't just insult me by implying I'd condense our time together into thirty seconds. Please. Second, what the hell else could you possibly need me for?"
"To be in my room at eight."
"That's not a real explan-"
"Bye, Ren."
And Mika disappeared just as swiftly as he arrived.
I don't want it at all if I can't have it all
What's the point if we're stuck in the middle?
Renley liked to think he was fairly astute. But he had no idea what to expect from "be in my room at eight". If Mika wanted to fuck, he wouldn't be so cryptic about it. If it was work-related, it wouldn't be occurring in the bedroom. They'd already been every shade of intimate together. What was left, now that they'd covered all The Bases According To Mika (TM)? Refresher:
First base: emotionless sex.
Second base: falling asleep in the same bed (accidentally).
And of course, third base: hugging with clothes on. Or was it crying? Okay, maybe there's four bases.
Now Renley didn't fully understand baseball or the metaphors it inspired, but he did know Mika's system didn't follow the standard order. All Renley knew was that he was currently looking at whichever base involved having a meal together. And it wasn't lost on him that this would be part of the warmup for first base for most people.
Mika's not most people.
Renley stopped halfway across the room to take it all in, because honestly he was more than likely hallucinating this.
"You cook?" Renley blurted out as he took in the scene in front of him. Upon Mika's desk sat two platters of freshly seared steaks. The smell made Renley's mouth water almost as much as the sight of Mika's jet-black shirt clinging to every curve of muscle that lay beneath it. Renley didn't know what was going on here, but he was all about it.
"Yes, Ren. I worked tirelessly for over a century to achieve all of the resources I currently have available to me, just so I could still cook my own meals." Mika replied scathingly. "Please. I pulled the mountain's best chef out of retirement for this."
"You have no idea how to cook, do you?"
"I know how to take raw meat and make it less raw. That's about it." Mika said it so casually but the gleam in his steel-grey eyes suggested his choice of phrasing hadn't been an accident. He went out of his way to raise both arms above his head and stretch lazily. To the right, then the left, exhaling a low groan of satisfaction each time his back or shoulders produced an audible cracking sound. That in itself isn't uniquely a Mika thing - there's not a single vampire out there who doesn't crack like a bag of Pop Rocks every time they move due to centuries of total disrespect for their bodies.
But the clan's desperate need for an army of chiropractors was the last thing on Renley's mind because as always, Mika's every move was calculated. That's a Mika thing. And Renley made the conscious decision to fall for it every time. He laughed and shook his head at Mika's blatant thirst trap, while earnestly committing the image to memory.
"What was that about taking it raw? I already knew you could do that." Renley retorted innocently. He grinned as Mika attempted to roll his eyes before surrendering to laughter as well.
"Oh my gods. You're why I can't have nice things." Mika managed to force out, even as he was laughing so hard the words were barely intelligible.
All the time they'd spent together, and Renley had almost never heard Mika laugh. The most he'd ever gotten was a bitter chuckle or a sarcastic smirk. But his true laugh, unapologetic and almost childlike, was the most perfect sound Renley had ever heard.
"I'm sorry. Come here." Renley choked, struggling because he was laughing even harder than Mika was. He closed the distance between them in two strides and rounded third base - peak intimacy via the elusive clothes-on hug. Mika stiffened reflexively for a moment, but within seconds his posture softened. And just for good measure Renley slid his hands beneath that signature black t-shirt to reacquaint himself with the velvet-soft skin of Mika's lower back. His hand lingered there for a moment - before slipping down into Mika's back pocket to grab a handful of ass. (Just so Mika wouldn't think he was going soft - even though that ship had sailed).
Renley held on for a moment before leaning back just far enough that he could stare down at Mika, taking him in all over again. The diamond-hard, obsidian-dark exterior that shielded him from the world, protecting the soul that was more scarred and burned than anyone would ever know. The soul that gleamed defiantly anyway, shining too brightly to be hidden by all that darkness.
"So what's the occasion?" Renley almost didn't ask, because he almost didn't care what the context was. As if he needed an occasion for this.
Mika paused and slowly ran his tongue over his teeth, pausing to bite it ever so slightly as he considered his words. Finally he admitted with a rueful half-smile,
"It's you, Ren. You're the occasion."
"What are you talking about?" Renley snorted. "You know, this is what happens when you don't manage your concussions proper-"
"Shut up, I'm serious." Mika cut him off with an endearing sort of impatience. "Arrow's long gone and Vancha's leaving tomorrow - you know what that means for me."
Renley stopped laughing and felt his jaw go slack as that reality set in. Of course he'd known this was coming - the clan was at war, and it would be a waste of resources to have more than one Prince in the mountain. He also knew Mika was the best candidate to stay back and run point on logistical coordination - the strategic genius he was. And as long as there was only one Prince in the mountain, that poor sucker was confined to one room. All night. Every night. And it's hard to have a friend with benefits when there's a line of guards stationed around you at all times. That part was only now clicking in Renley's mind.
"I knew that." Said Renley bluntly, suddenly hearing Mika's trademark blunt deflection in his own voice.
"Really? Because you're looking at me like I just punched you in the face." Mika replied, arching an eyebrow.
"Of course I knew." Renley sighed, quickly rearranging his facial features into a breezy smile. "It just snuck up on me, that's all. Everything's been so busy since the funeral ceremony. It's been like a Council gathering except without any of the fun. I haven't had time to think about what happens after this."
"There's nothing to think about." Said Mika calmly. "Tomorrow I walk into the Hall of Princes and I stay there until one of the others comes back."
"Yeah. I'm aware of the rules." Said Renley. And he knew exactly how forced his smile was.
"Anyway, my head's a little clearer than it was a week ago so I wanted to thank you while I could still get you alone. You've been really good to me. Especially since Paris died. I always knew losing him would hurt, and somehow it was worse than I expected. But it wasn't as bad as it could've been… because I had you." Said Mika quietly. Renley could see just how difficult it was for him to speak that into reality. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he automatically relocated his hands from Mika's hips to his face, thumbs framing those soulful stormy oceans staring back at him.
"I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to understand:you don't owe me anything, Mika." Renley whispered. He didn't mean to whisper, but the sudden constriction in his lungs decided for him. He ran his thumbs over Mika's cheekbones; the residual bruising from his fight with Arrow and Vancha was almost gone.
"I do understand." Mika answered, and he spoke steadily enough for both of them. "Took me a while, but I got there. Ironically, that made me want to do something for you. So all you have to do for me tonight is pretend I cooked that steak, and then pretend I remembered dessert… because I didn't until just now."
Renley laughed again, and when he tried to speak he found it abnormally difficult to string together a semi-coherent sentence. He usually prided himself on eloquence but this was an extenuating circumstance.
"Oh, Mika. I don't know what to say. Gods… This is so… I can't fucking handle you, you know that?" Renley managed to choke out at last. He wasn't used to hearing himself stutter, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Mika barely reacted to Renley's innocent bewilderment, but he did manage a brittle smile.
"Actually, you handle me really well. That's the whole reason I did this. Now do you want your steak or not? I'm seriously asking because I haven't eaten in twelve hours and if you're going to stand there like an idiot, I'm just going to eat both of-"
Mika's stream of consciousness was cut short by Renley picking him up off his feet and decisively silencing him with a deep kiss that made them both forget the steak for a second. And it was the best second either of them had in a long time.
"Okay, I have to put you down now. You're heavy." Renley chuckled reluctantly. He was taller and broader than Mika, but only a little. Although given the fact that Mika's legs were wrapped around his waist, Renley really wasn't in a hurry to let him go regardless of what his strained arm muscles had to say about it.
"Pathetic. I could bench-press you." Mika deadpanned as his feet returned to solid ground.
"Please try."
"You think I couldn't break you in half? I can deadlift Arrow."
"See, that's funny to me. Because I vividly remember last week when Arrow was demolishing you. It was a whole scene. There were like a hundred people there. You don't remember that?" Said Renley seriously as the pair of them made their way over to the desk that was standing in for a dinner table.
"Too soon, Ren." Mika deadpanned. But his wry smirk assured Renley he hadn't crossed any lines. It had taken a bit of trial and error to get a handle on Mika's dark, twisted sense of humour. But once Renley cracked the code he had way too much fun with it. And Mika seemed to like having someone talk to him like an equal rather than a superior. Renley had never outright asked, but he had a theory that the role of Vampire Prince was painfully lonely.
"What? You're still processing the physically violent dissolution of the most significant friendship of your life? Which happened less than a week after your pseudo father figure went and died on you? Without saying goodbye?" said Renley innocently. He let that statement hang, and indulged himself in the steak. It tasted even better than it looked.
"That was a lot of big words for one sentence, even for me. Stand down, General." Mika barely tossed a glance Renley's way as he cut into his own steak, but his eyes glinted with amusement.
"Make me. You're the one who said something about breaking me in half." Said Renley.
"You talk really tough for someone who's maybe two inches taller than me. I'm faster than you, and I fight dirty." Mika replied.
"You certainly would know all about dirty. Remember, my bed knows things about you."
"I changed my mind. You don't get steak anymore."
"What if I lick it? That means it's mine."
"If that's your logic, so am I." Mika snorted dismissively. And the second those words passed his lips, Renley could tell by the look in his eyes and the subtle shift in his posture that Mika didn't mean for it to come out quite like that. Not the lick part - sexual innuendos were a walk in the park. But the mine part? Dangerous territory.
Renley could've clapped back any number of retorts that would've earned him a heated, reproachful glare from across the table. But he chose not to engage. Because what he really wanted to say was, gods I fucking wish that was all it took to make you mine. And why ruin a perfectly lovely night by admitting something he knew full well would cause Mika to shut him out?
"This is the best steak I've ever tasted, by the way." Renley remarked, gently steering the conversation back into clearer waters. "I can't believe I didn't know you could cook. What's your secret?"
Mika looked up for a moment, as if giving the question serious thought.
"I want to say… salt." He offered at last.
"That sounds right."
And you're so composed and I'm so dramatic
And you're beautiful and it hurts like hell
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
The steak didn't last very long; and all too soon the meal was over. One one hand, Renley couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything so delectable and he wished it wasn't gone quite so fast. On the other hand, now he could focus his undivided attention where it belonged.
"So, what now?" Renley asked, resting his elbows comfortably on the table. Mika did the same, chin propped on his closed fist as he looked skeptically back at Renley.
"You tell me. I only planned as far as dinner. You know I'm really busy, right?"
"Fair enough. Well, you already admitted you dropped the ball on dessert. So if you're letting me call the shots… I'd have you pour me a drink." Renley suggested.
"How the tables turn." Said Mika. Then his face broke out in a wayward grin and it took Renley a second to figure out why.
"It's about time you did the pouring." Renley smirked. "You're lucky I'm not counting, because I don't have enough fingers to keep track of how many drinks you owe me."
Mika rolled his eyes and gave Renley a scathing once-over.
"Remember half an hour ago when you looked me in the eye and said, and I quote, 'You don't owe me anything, Mika'? You teared up and everything."
Renley sighed heavily, then stood up from the table so he could tenderly cup his hands around Mika's face and gaze into his eyes. And in a voice soft as velvet and sweet as honey, Renley murmured:
"You are such a fucking brat."
"You're the one who keeps coming back for more. What does that say about you?"
"You don't want to know." Said Renley, meaning it.
For a moment, the only sound in the room was the crackling fire. Finally Mika inhaled deliberately like he was about to say something. But the silence hung in the air like a thick fog til he stood up abruptly, pausing only to kiss Renley's temple.
"What am I getting you drunk on tonight?" Mika asked as he made his way over to his stocked liquor cabinet.
"Surprise me."
While Mika played bartender, Renley left his chair behind and chose instead to sit on the massive black bearskin rug in front of the crackling fireplace.
"Remember when you complained because I didn't have an extra chair in here? So I drag in a second one for you… yet you sit on my floor like a degenerate?" Mika chided him.
"Remember when you said I get to call the shots because this is my night? Let me enjoy this. Not all of us get a giant fireplace and half a bear in our room." Said Renley. He grinned up at Mika as though there was nowhere in the world he'd rather be. And he didn't have to fake it.
"That's not my fault. Go fight a bear if you want one that badly." Mika scoffed dismissively. But he sat down beside Renley and passed him a glass of something that smelled strong and tasted like fire. Expensive fire.
"You killed this bear?" Renley commented, running his hand along the shiny black hair of the rug with interest.
"No. Arrow did. It was a birthday present for my 240th."
"So you didn't even kill your own bear?"
"I killed the one in Arrow's room. They're a matched set." Said Mika, straight-faced.
"Oh, so like little kids with friendship bracelets. Except… bears. Friendship bears. Which is a perfectly normal thing for grown men to do." Said Renley matter-of-factly. He pressed his lips together to suppress his smirk. Mika laughed, but it was fleeting. The light faded from his eyes as he seemed to crumble from within. He took a long drink as he stared broodingly into the fire.
"Let me guess. You couldn't wait to pass that joke onto Arrow because he'd think it was hilarious. And then you remembered the fight." Renley ventured.
"No one likes a know-it-all." Mika muttered. "If you want a bear rug, just go across the hall and take his. Idiot never locks his door. And I doubt he'll be back anytime soon. He left the mountain before Paris's ashes were even collected." The quiet bitterness in his voice that suggested the feud was still weighing heavily on his mind.
Renley signed and leaned in closer, pressing his mouth into Mika's, fingertips grazing along his jawline.
"You know I'll listen to you talk about anything, anytime, anywhere." Renley whispered. "And if you really want to talk about Arrow, we can talk about Arrow. But like you said, it's my night. And I can think of a million things I'd rather do when presented with a bear rug, a fireplace, hard liquor, and you."
With every word Renley spoke he shifted closer, closing the distance between their bodies til he had Mika flat on the rug, chest to chest, lips to lips, forehead to forehead.
"Gods, you're easy to impress. Here I was thinking you'd leave as soon as I admitted I forgot dessert." Mika smirked between kisses as he slowly ground his hips up into Renley's.
"You are dessert." Said Renley, voice low and husky. His hands were beneath Mika's shirt now, running slowly up his chest til his palm rested directly over Mika's heart and he exhaled the words between kisses. "Hard candy shell… sweet on the inside... just takes a skilled tongue to get there. And fuck me, you're so worth it. My perfect little jawbreaker."
"Do you even hear yourself? You sound so stupid." Mika's soft chuckle vibrated gently against Renley's lips.
Renley was a smooth talker. He didn't like to brag, but he had game. He didn't use cheesy, stupid, ridiculous lines because he thought they sounded good. He used them because they made Mika smile. Or even laugh if he was lucky. And right now he was so lucky.
Renley readjusted his body so his left arm supported Mika's head and shoulders, left hand lightly encircling Mika's throat. Meanwhile his right hand had progressed well below Mika's waistline. Mika was always exquisitely responsive to every little thing Renley did to him, and this time was no exception. But even though Mika was kissing him back hungrily, something in his body language was different. Mika was moving slowly, as though he wasn't in a hurry. Typically he was prone to breezing through foreplay like it was a timed event. But if he was on any sort of timeline tonight, it was a long one.
"You tired or something? Guess I have to do everything myself." Renley teased as he slipped his hand beneath Mika's hips with the intention to shift him into a more accessible angle. Mika's demeanour changed completely. He rolled his eyes and with one smooth movement of his powerful body, he flipped them both over so Renley was the one pinned to the floor.
"Damn, Sire." Renley exhaled as he revelled in being the object of Mika's blazing stare. "So you're the boss out there and in here? That hardly seems fair. Thought you said this was my night."
"It is your night. All you have to do is stay out of my way and let me take care of you. It's your turn." Mika murmured. His voice was low, silky-smooth and more intoxicating than his entire liquor shelf combined. "You always tell me I should slow down and be in the moment. So this is me taking my time with you. For you. You've earned it."
And gods damn, it was almost game over for Renley right then and there. His pants weren't even off yet, for the love of the gods. He managed to pull himself back from the edge but he could tell by the sadistic smirk that Mika knew exactly the havoc he was wreaking Renley's self-control.
"Did you seriously almost just…? Already?" Mika remarked incredulously, arching an eyebrow. Renley felt himself blush. A rare occurrence.
"No way. Not in a million years. I would never-"
"And yet you knew exactly what I was talking about." Mika cut him off, a smug gleam in his eye.
"You're doing a lot of talking tonight. Sure hope you can live up to all that." Renley reached up, slipping his hand under Mika's shirt again. He ran his palm over Mika's chest, down his side, til his fingers made their way beneath the waist of Mika's pants. He drew closer to Renley, foreheads almost touching.
"You know better than anyone I can." Mika growled. Renley automatically felt his body come alive at the sound of Mika's voice taking on that tone. He gripped Mika's hip harder and used his free hand to pull him in for a kiss.
"Then stop talking and do your worst to me." Renley whispered.
I just want you to want me all the fucking time, yeah
Why you gotta be so good?
Where you go when it's over?
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
The buildup was as slow as Mika promised, drawn out in the most glorious way. But all good things must end to make way for great things. The moment that came once no angle of foreplay remained unexplored - the deliberate pause, breathy sighs, and mutual re-adjustment to how each other felt after the two-week hiatus.
Maybe it was the fuck-drunk haze clouding his vision. Maybe it was the fact he'd had enough of that whiskey to feel a little actually drunk. But there was something about the way the torchlight illuminated the silhouette of Mika's body as he lived up to his promise to take charge while Renley lay back and soaked it all in.
It was all Renley could do to keep it together. He laid his palm on Mika's upper thigh, tuning in to every deliberate shift and flex of the muscles there. The same palm continued up over Mika's hip, pausing on the jagged scar that served as a souvenir from the time he fractured it in battle years ago. A story Mika is always proud to tell, even though he leaves out the part where it still hurts sometimes. Renley only knew because Mika favoured his left side during moments like this. Especially in this position, Renley couldn't help but notice Mika put just a little more weight on his right.
"What?" Mika murmured, catching Renley's studious gaze.
"Nothing. You're just… you're so good, baby. So good for me." Renley croaked out. The needy strain in his own voice caught him off-guard, but how could he possibly worry about that when he had Mika on top of him, setting his every nerve on fire? Without changing the pace he'd set, Mika rolled his eyes with that devil-may-care smirk, then leaned forward so his chest was flat against Renley's, fingers interlocked as he kissed him on the mouth.
After a minute, Renley could feel Mika prepare to sit himself upright again, but Renley's arms slipping around his back prevented it. As much as he loved laying there and enjoying the view, this was better. Holding Mika tight against his chest, feeling both their racing heartbeats. This new position required a compromise where the logistics were concerned; the change in angle didn't allow for the same intensity as before. But it was a price Renley was willing to pay. With his eyes closed and his face pressed into Mika's shoulder, he felt whole.
It's one of those things that's hard to put into words, especially in the heat of the moment. Compounded by the fact that both parties had profound difficulty opening up. But that was the thing about Mika. Renley got the impression that Mika somehow always knew exactly what he was thinking. So he was pretty sure Mika already knew what Renley couldn't admit.
I love you, Mika. The words almost came tearing from his lips and he had to press his lips hungrily into Mika's neck to keep himself from letting them slip in this moment of ultimate vulnerability, and then he heard -
"Ren…"
That was what finally tipped Renley over the edge. Three letters, one syllable, wrapped in an unhinged whine that had Renley seeing entire galaxies as the final surge rolled through his body. But even as his muscles went slack in exhaustion, Renley didn't miss a beat. He'd die before he'd leave a partner hanging. Plus he wasn't about to miss a second of the only time Mika ever truly let go of the indifferent, tough-guy facade that separated him from the rest of the world.
So with lethal accuracy and laser focus, Renley deftly coaxed Mika across the finish line. Not that he needed much of a push. Within seconds his whole body tensed, hand still clenched vicelike around Renley's. There was a drawn-out moan that made Renley's skin tingle, a shudder, and at last Mika went still and surrendered to the comedown haze. Only then did Renley allow himself to do the same.
Get your face out the clouds, are you hearing me now?
You should be kissing the ground that I'm walking
Damn, I fucking miss you and it hurts like hell, yeah
Even though Renley knew this was a bit of a special occasion, he still automatically expected Mika to get up and leave now that the deed was done. So when Mika shot him that dizzily triumphant half-smile, when he rested his head on Renley's sweat-dampened chest… an orgasm had nothing on that.
There was so much he wanted to say to Mika. So many words tumbling around in his head, but he didn't have a chance of stringing them together in a way that made sense. Not right now. And worst of all, he couldn't even muster a smart-ass remark to save face. And Mika knew it.
"What? I put in all that work and I don't even get a follow-up comment?" Said Mika sardonically. Renley forced a pathetic excuse for a laugh that he knew wouldn't fool anyone. Right on cue, Mika lifted his head so he could fix Renley with a dazed version of his typical reproachful glare. It took Renley another second but he managed to find the words. Well, not the words. But some words that did the job for now.
"Give me a minute. I'm still processing." Renley groaned at last. Grinning waywardly, he reached out to run his fingertips adoringly across Mika's cheek and sighed, "Gods… how did I land you?"
Mika rolled his eyes like he didn't think much of Renley's wistful compliment. But his smile told a different story.
"You got me drunk at a party. Classy." Mika planted a lazy kiss on Renley's forehead before lying back down.
"Best bet I ever made." Said Renley, giving him a little squeeze. Mika draped his arm across Renley's chest while Renley stroked his back reverently. It was a true marvel of anatomy how Mika's body could be in peak physical fitness and yet still so soft to the touch when he was relaxed like this.
"What am I gonna do while you're locked up in the Hall of Princes indefinitely?" Renley whispered.
"See me in meetings every single night. Unless you want me to send you out to the field?" Mika mused casually. That was the thing about Mika. Once the deed was done it was back to business. While Renley was clinging to the afterglow, Mika was already back in reality.
"You know what I mean. Don't tell me you won't miss this even a little bit." Said Renley.
Mika propped himself up on his elbows so he could see Renley head-on. A clear sign they were switching from pillow talk to an actual talk.
"This has been fun. You've been fun. Easily the most I've had in seven years. The bar is lower than I care to admit, but that's beside the point." Said Mika seriously. How was it that he only needed thirty seconds of turnaround time between weathering a debilitating orgasm, and conversing like he was in a business meeting? Meanwhile Renley hadn't even caught his breath - and he'd finished first. How was that fair?!
"I choose to believe you intended that as a compliment." Said Renley. He reached up and ran his palm over Mika's cheek and through his jet-black hair, hoping the touch would coax him back into the afterglow for just another minute. But even though Mika's body was still lying snugly against Renley's, his mind had already moved on.
"Now Paris is gone so I'll be commanding the war efforts completely by myself. I need to focus, Ren. I cannot fail right now." Mika spoke calmly, but there was a subtle flicker of urgency deep behind his eyes.
Renley sighed and slowly looped both his arms around Mika's shoulders. He didn't exactly pull - he simply applied a light, hopeful pressure until Mika caved to it and lay back down against Renley's chest.
"I hear you. You're carrying a mountain on your shoulders. And I know it's not easy, but you make it look like it is. I wish I could help." Said Renley, lips brushing Mika's forehead as he spoke, and leaving a soft kiss there once he had no words left to say.
Mika didn't say anything either for a long while. The only sound in the room was the fire blazing a few feet away. The heat was enough that Renley could've fallen asleep there, with Mika's body draped over him and nothing but the bearskin rug separating him from the stone floor.
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
Eventually Mika slowly sat up and stretched, offering Renley a tired smile.
"I'm going to bed." He gestured at his coffin on the other side of the room. "You can stay if you want."
That was all Renley needed to hear. He grinned playfully and rose to his feet before words were even out of Mika's mouth. Mika rolled his eyes because he knew what was coming, but he didn't protest when Renley picked him up and carried him across the room. When Renley tripped at the finish line and more or less dropped Mika into the coffin, they both laughed.
"Classy, Ren. Whoever said romance is a lost art, clearly hasn't met you." Mika snorted disparagingly as Renley lay down and pulled the thick, warm blanket over both of them.
"You think that was romance? Come on. I know you don't do romance. That's the whole reason I dropped you. To remind you I'm attentive to your wants and needs… which seem I recall was to be tossed around and objectified." Renley deadpanned. Which was a struggle considering his laughter hadn't really run it's course yet.
"You're such a good listener." Said Mika. He was smirking as he shifted onto his side, his back arching into Renley's chest, nestled into the contour of his body like a puzzle piece. Little spoon.
"I'm going to tell you a secret." Renley murmured into the base of Mika's neck.
"Do you have to?" Mika twitched a little as Renley's lips tickled his spine.
"I'm actually incredibly romantic. You haven't seen anything yet… jawbreaker."
Renley could practically see Mika's eyes rolling through the back of his head.
"You're disgusting." Said Mika flatly. "I hope you don't expect me to tell you one of my secrets now."
"I want to know all of your secrets. But I'd settle for one if you were feeling generous." Said Renley. He held Mika a little tighter and kissed his shoulder.
Mika remained silent for a long time and Renley started to wonder if he'd either fallen asleep or pretended to fall asleep.
"That first night we hooked up… I lost the fight on purpose. I wanted you to win the bet because I knew exactly what would happen. I just wanted you to think it was your idea." Mika said at last. He spoke with a sort of gritty resolve, as though it was an earth-shattering revelation.
"I know." Said Renley simply.
"You do?"
"Of course I do. I get it."
Another heavy silence. This one almost certainly shattered the record for longest one yet.
"I was wrecked after Kurda. You think you know, but you have no idea." Said Mika quietly. His voice had changed completely. There was no trace of smug amusement now. "I thought I'd fixed myself while I was away in the field. But when I got home, all the reminders were right there waiting for me. Felt like no time had passed. And on top of that, all I had to look forwards to was sending more and more good vampires out to die pointlessly in this fucking war. So when I felt myself slipping again, I reached for something. And you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."
It was a hot minute before Renley could formulate a response. He took a deep, slow breath and it shuddered slightly on its way out. Where do you even begin to unpack something like that?
Maybe you don't. Renley knew in his heart of hearts that he couldn't be the one to heal the wounds Kurda left. That power was in Mika's hands and no one else's. But gods damn, he wished Mika would at least let him help clean those wounds.
"Let's get one thing straight: Right place. Right time. And that's a lot of words to admit you were lonely and scared and you just wanted someone to hold you." Renley murmured at last.
"It sounds so simple when you say it like that." Said Mika with a breath of bitter laughter.
"Not everything has to be complicated. Some things can just be simple."
Mika laughed again, in the same harsh, humourless way.
"Have you learned nothing from this? Everything I touch turns to complicated. Why would you expect anything different from me?"
"Baby, you're not complicated. Your life is complicated. But you make perfect sense to me." Renley paused, trying to stop himself before he went any further down this dead end road. Then he crashed right through the invisible barricade because he couldn't help himself - "And if you ever get tired of taking on the world by yourself… just say the word and I'm all in."
Mika tensed as though bracing himself against an unseen threat and rolled out of Renley's embrace, turning to his other side so they could lay eye-to-eye.
"Ren, I can't even begin to explain how much this isn't the time." Mika's voice was grim and completely resigned. Like he was stating an irrefutable fact, not a feeling.
"Who says? Gods, you run yourself into the fucking ground for this clan." Renley shot back. He could hear the sharp defiance in his own voice and realized he was opening a door he knew better than to touch. But the words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think. Mika barely reacted. He merely held Renley's gaze with unspoken exasperation.
"That's my job. I chose this." Mika sighed.
"I know you did! That's not the point. You have everyone else's back. Why won't you let anyone have yours?"
"I know what you're getting at. But I can't go there. Not today. Not this year. Maybe never. And I really hope you don't plan on waiting around for that to change, because that's not fair to either of us." Said Mika with complete conviction, even though his voice seemed to catch in his throat.
Why you gotta be so good?
Where you go when it's over?
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
Renley exhaled long and hard, then felt a flicker of guilt about how exasperated he sounded.
"You know I'd never push you into something you're not comfortable with. I just wish you'd let me care about you." Renley murmured, fighting to keep his frustration from tainting his tone. He knew Mika was intuitive enough to know by now this was more than casual sex. It was as if he was choosing to ignore it.
"I do let you care about me. You've made it clear I don't have a choice in the matter. You know I can't handle anything deeper than what we're doing. I thought you were happy with that." Mika countered in the exact same tone of thinly veiled frustration.
"Of course I'm happy! You've been the best part of my night for a while now. And I know the bar is low - you're not the only one who's lonely and scared!" Renley blurted out, louder than he'd meant to. But he couldn't hold back any longer. "Who do you think has been overseeing the training of all those good vampires you send out to die? I fucking hate this, Mika."
Mika didn't take his eyes off Renley, but his grim conviction seemed to falter. As though it never occurred to him that Renley had his own set of demons buried under a veil of charisma. Imagine that.
"So every time I feel like giving up and walking away from this futile war, I drop by the Hall of Princes to give my nightly update… and I see you up there." Renley continued after pausing for breath. "You always have one of two facial expressions at any given time: Either you look ready to kill, as if someone took a shit in your coffee mug. Or else you have that cocky smirk on your face like you're ten feet tall and bulletproof." As Renley spoke those words he couldn't help but smile again.
"And why would I ever need any other expressions besides those?" Mika interjected seriously. Renley chuckled, and kept talking. He only partially knew where he was going with this.
"So then I walk up to the throne platform. Sometimes you're busy and you don't notice me at first. Other times you pretend you don't notice me til I'm six feet away. And then, right before you glare at me like my presence is causing you the biggest inconvenience of your life… there's a fraction of a second where your eyes light up, and I see who you really are under all that armour. And I know that no matter what you tell yourself or me… you're happy to see me too."
And Renley knew those words hit their mark. Mika's shaky, deflective half-laugh was a dead giveaway. As was the way he rolled over to lay on his front, face resting in his arms so Renley could no longer see it.
I fucking miss you
And you're so composed and I'm so dramatic
And you're beautiful and it hurts like hell
"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Ren."
Point to Renley.
"Brat." Renley chuckled. He shifted over, staring up at the ceiling with his right hand on Mika's back. Mika had never actually articulated the words "I'm a slut for back rubs" but he never had to. His body language said it all. Within five seconds Mika let out a sigh so deep Renley couldn't help but wonder if he'd even seen the tip of the stress iceberg Mika carried around. How much of that iceberg was naturally occurring versus self-inflicted was another matter entirely, and not one Renley cared to ponder then and there.
He dutifully maintained the back rub til he was certain Mika had dozed off, then withdrew his hand -
"Why'd you stop?" Mika mumbled sleepily. There was a note of genuine indignation in it, and Renley laughed quietly into the darkness. The only light in the room came from the faint glow of the dying embers in the fireplace.
"I swear, the greatest con ever pulled in history is how you tricked this entire clan into believing you're some untouchable, heartless enigma who runs on dry ice and the blood of your enemies. I can't believe no one's noticed you've actually been a big, needy baby this entire time." He teased, stifling a breath of laughter as he resumed the back rub.
Renley braced himself to be verbally eviscerated, because there was no way Mika was going to let that one go. He lay there smiling into the darkness for way too long before he realized Mika had fallen asleep.
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
Why you gotta be so good?
Where you go when it's over?
I just want you to want me all the fucking time
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Nothing and I mean NOTHING will ever dethrone MikaKurda from #1 in my heart and I have so SO much left to write about them. But Bloodline is at a tricky place right now, Mika and Kurda aren't currently where I want them to be in each other's lives - because you can't just live happily ever after when one of you committed high treason. And I've found all that twisted slowburn to be mentally taxing, so I take refuge in my little MikaRenley drabbles and compartmentalize it in a separate, smaller drawer from the MikaKurda stuff in the office of my mind.
Another thing I've said once before but I feel is worth repeating, because the more I write the more I break my own heart knowing Renley's love for Mika is ultimately unrequited in Bloodline. Regardless of the trajectory Mika and Kurda are on, there's a distinct alternate universe in my mind where one thing happens differently and leads into a timeline branch in which exists a happier outcome for Mika and Renley. This current chapter is still offscreen Bloodline canon, but at some point in the nearish future I do plan on exploring the alternate timeline. Because I'm really enjoying this game of How Many Spin-offs Can I Write Before I Finish Bloodline?!
TLDR: All I'm doing here is chasing dopamine and if you wanna come along for the ride I'm cool with that.