8Hi everyone! Welcome to This Is Us 2.0! If you're new, this is me rewriting a story that's very close to my heart. It's not that the first attempt was bad, but it would've looked a lot different if I'd known what direction it'd end up taking. So now I'm finally making those changes and I'm VERY excited about it.
Bit of backstory on the Dirty Chai AU if you're not familiar: This whole thing started in 2013 when I was joking around with a fellow shandom friend (no longer active sadly) who also shipped Mika/Kurda. For whatever reason we thought it would be funny as fuck to see how it would play out if the two of them got stuck raising a baby together. Because we love a domestic polar opposites trope! It was only ever supposed to be a lighthearted fluff fest. I also wanted to write a much more serious Mika/Kurda fic that ran parallel to the canon storyline. These two concepts were never meant to blend into the same thing.
After abandoning this story right out of the gate, I picked it back up in spring of 2020, as a project to help keep myself sane during the early days of Covid-19. It didn't take long before things got a little out of hand. What started as a simple, feel-good story snowballed into 300k word saga. It accidentally turned into the large-scale story I'd always wanted to write but never thought I actually would. Because I had no idea the direction it'd take, the original version of This Is Us has a very different tone and is lacking in the character development I would've expanded on if I'd known how far I'd end up taking it.
So why not just start over? I'm still in lockdown, after all.
This isn't just an edit of the original, it's going to be a whole new story. I'm leaving the overall plotline the same, so everything that happened in the original will stay the same, but I'm also going to be adding A LOT of brand new scenes. It'll be a complete change of tone that matches the later parts of the series better. I'm keeping the light-hearted fun, while also digging deeper into the grittier, more emotional aspects that set the stage for everything that happened later in the series.
This prologue starts with two official documents straight from Vampire Mountain's vault of bureaucratic bullshit. I know there's no way the clan is, or has ever been this organized but I the idea of Mika and Kurda professionally assessing each other was so amusing so I rolled with it. Also, one tidbit to keep the timeline in perspective: Gracie and Darren are the same age.
Alright, here we go!
Chapter 1: You're The Worst
Quarter-Century General Evaluations - Peer Assessment Form
Evaluator: Gen. Ver Leth, M.
Subject of Evaluation: Gen. Smahlt, K.
Basic Skill Assessment of Kurda Smahlt:
Combat: Poor. (On account of being a pacifist.)
Tactical Strategizing: Exceeds expectations. (Doesn't make up for the pacifism though.)
Mentoring: Good. (If only he had skills worth teaching.)
Teamwork: Needs improvement. (It's hard to be part of a team when you think you're smarter than everyone else.)
Leadership: Fair. (There's potential there. Deep down.)
Attitude: Needs improvement. (Too optimistic. It's off-putting.)
Comments:
Kurda Smahlt is a naive, idealistic anomaly with embarrassing combat skills and no desire to improve them. Smahlt starts arguments seemingly for no good reason other than his own amusement. He consistently fails to connect with his peers due to his holier-than-thou stance on many of our clan traditions. And then he proceeds to question why nobody likes him. With that said, I believe there's more to him than he lets on. He is resourceful, creative, and intelligent - I'll give him that much credit. But unfortunately these attributes only help him complicate every situation he's involved in. While I don't reject ALL of his political ideals, I have reasonable concerns about his unapologetic radicalism.
To summarize, I respect Smahlt as an honourable vampire, but I will go on record saying I would rather not work one-on-one with him on future projects. (Seriously, Paris. Never again. It's not funny).
With complete sincerity,
General/Prince-Elect Mika Ver Leth
Quarter-Century General Evaluations - Peer Assessment Form
Evaluator: Gen. Smahlt, K.
Subject of Evaluation: Gen. Ver Leth, M. (Investiture pending)
Basic Skill Assessment of Mika Ver Leth
Combat: Exceeds expectations. As if he'd ever let you forget.
Tactical Strategizing: Refer to previous answer.
Mentoring: Fair. Tends to play favourites.
Teamwork: Needs improvement. There's no "I" in team, but you'll notice there's one in "Mika". There's also one in "Sire".
Leadership: Good. I would say "Exceeds Expectations" but I refuse to give him the satisfaction.
Attitude: There's no score option below "Needs Improvement" so I am writing my own - atrocious.
Comments:
What can I say about General Ver Leth other than that he consistently proves himself to be relentlessly conceited, over-competitive, and power-hungry? The clan seems to interpret that as confidence, determination, and ambition. I would not go so far as to say his recent investiture nomination wasn't hard-earned or well-deserved. He is intelligent and honourable, and the clan could do worse. However, it is my opinion that General Ver Leth's motivation for success is driven mainly, if not entirely, by his own ego. While he cares genuinely for the well-being of the clan and is more open-minded than many of his peers, he seems to have minimal interest in implementing any major changes unless they serve to directly increase his already unconscionable level of popularity. There's a time and a place for upholding the status quo. And this century is not it.
I wish him the best of luck as his promotion takes effect.
Respectfully,
General Kurda Smahlt.
MANY DECADES LATER
Tensions had been steadily rising all week, but the breaking point was reached when they found the body. The latest in a series of higher-ranking Vampire Generals that had been slain, and all evidence pointed to a rogue vampaneze. Gregor Brooks had been at the top of his game - a promising candidate for an investiture nomination in a decade or so, if he played his cards right. But now he was dead.
Mika Ver Leth was about one thousand percent done with the entire situation. He was dirty, frozen, exhausted, and his back hurt from sleeping on the cold, hard ground. What started as a favour for his fellow Prince quickly turned to a massive regret-fest. And now he was looking down at his old friend's frozen corpse. So on top of all that other shit, he was also sad.
There was nothing more he could do for Gregor, so he set about building a tomb of rocks around the fallen vampire. A cremation would've been preferable, but he didn't have the means to start a fire out here in the snow-capped wasteland.
Mika decided to practice some self-care in the form of peace and quiet, so he dismissed his young travelling companions to go patrol. Where they patrolled, it didn't matter. They could go build a snowman for all Mika cared. Two of them obeyed, but the third remained hovering around him like a mosquito. A blond mosquito with an affinity for mapmaking and aversion to respecting authority.
"You should use wider, flatter rocks to build the base." Kurda Smahlt suggested calmly. He was sitting on a fallen log, studiously observing Mika's progress as he stacked rocks around Gregor's body. "It'll be sturdier that way. Here, I'll go grab some."
"I could've sworn I told you to fuck off like ten minutes ago. What are you still doing here?" Mika snapped back, then added "Don't touch my rocks."
The slender blond General merely quirked an eyebrow at the Prince's clear irritation. Mika usually kept a pretty level head, but that was about to expire.
"I was under the impression I was here to be your backup." Kurda replied. "I wouldn't be a very good backup if I wandered off into the woods and left you here."
"You're here to help me as required. And right now you can help me by making yourself scarce." Said Mika, voice colder than the biting wind that swirled around them.
"You haven't let me help you with a single thing since we left the mountain, why should I start now?"
"Because you're causing me even more inconvenience than usual."
"I'm literally just sitting here doing nothing because you won't let me touch the rocks."
"You're wasting oxygen. That falls under inconvenience."
"My apologies. When you've finished there, I have a map in my bag I think you should look at." Kurda offered cautiously. "I know you said we should continue west, but there's a city about two hundred miles north and I think it's worth investigating. If the vampaneze is as mad as you expect he is, he might be drawn in by the scents."
Mika glanced up, pushing his jet-black hair out of his eyes so as not to obscure the daggers he was glaring at Kurda. Mika usually kept his hair short but it was a little on the untamed side at the moment, just long enough to interfere with his line of vision.
"I didn't bring you to think." Mika fired back through gritted teeth. And Kurda rolled his eyes.
"You've made that very obvious, Sire!" Kurda spat out the last word like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Why did you bring me at all?! I don't know if Sire March told you, but his plan was to let me run point on this."
"Vancha should've thought of that before he went and broke his leg at the last minute." Mika snapped back, bristling even more. "You think I'd put you in charge of anything? It's not my fault he couldn't follow through with his own mission. My only mistake was not changing his roster before we left the mountain!"
"I've facilitated more vampaneze negotiations than any living vampire in this clan." Kurda pressed. "At least Sire March can recognize a situation that needs to be handled with-"
"Smahlt, what exactly do you think my qualifications are?" Mika cut him off, absolutely incredulous. He paused his tomb-building endeavour so he could stand up straight and stare Kurda down on eye-level. Mika had a clear physical advantage over Kurda, both in size and weight. Most vampires did. After all, Kurda was a bit of an anomaly. As a pacifist, he didn't spend much time bulking up in the sporting halls. But he wasn't intimidated by Mika. Sometimes he thought maybe he should be. Then other times he thought, nah. He figured if Mika really wanted to kill him, or punch him at the very least, it would've happened decades ago.
"It's not like I was Vancha's second-in-command for the Treaty Renewal of 1864 or anything! No, you're the only vampire in this clan who knows their way around a vampaneze." Mika continued sardonically. He narrowed his stormy grey eyes and laced the words with his trademark razor-sharp sarcasm. He crossed his arms, too. Kurda couldn't tell if that was from impatience or the way his signature black leather jacket did little to keep out the cold. "But it doesn't matter. This vampaneze has killed three Generals. There's not going to be a negotiation. Only an execution. Now go draw a map or something."
"You and I both know there's not enough evidence to be certain the vampires didn't lose a fair challenge!" Kurda countered unapologetically, his voice rising in volume with every word. "I realize it's more probable that the vampaneze was mad, but like I've told you a dozen times we can't be sure until we've located him! I've come too far with clan negotiations to lose ground because you got bloodthirsty!"
Mika rounded on him, murder in his eyes.
"Pardon the fuck out of you?" He snarled, staring Kurda up and down in disbelief. "Who do you think you are?!"
Kurda stood his ground.
"I think I'm your second-in-command, which makes me obligated to share my perspective on these matters." He snapped. "I know you don't like me, but I'm just trying to do my job. Just because I have to obey you doesn't mean I'll let you walk all over me! And your job as a Prince is to assess the capabilities of Generals on missions like this. Whether I tell you what you want to hear, or what you need to hear!"
Mika smiled grimly.
"Oh I'm assessing you, alright." He said. "I'll be writing up a real nice field report when I get back to the mountain. Then I'm going to roll it up and smack you in the head with it."
"Your interpersonal management skills remain unmatched, Sire." Kurda remarked drily.
Mika looked like he was about to go off the deep end for a moment, but instead he took a deep breath, ran his hands through his hair as though trying to calm himself down, and fixed Kurda with an ice-cold glare.
"Listen, Smahlt. I know you think I'm a heartless dictator who's incapable of love, and trust me when I say I'm not offended in the slightest-"
"At least you're self-aware."
"But believe it or not, Gregor was my friend. And if we'd tracked this vampaneze a little more efficiently, maybe he'd still be alive. So when I tell you you're giving me a headache, I mean you're giving me a fucking headache, and if you don't back off there's going to be a fourth dead General. Are you following me now?"
"Death threat received. My apologies for overstepping. I'll leave you in peace." Said Kurda. Glanced at Gregor, made the Death's Touch sign. "Even in death may you be triumphant."
Kurda turned away from Mika with the intention of making himself scarce, but just then one of their travelling companions came crashing through the trees. Marius Veld. He was panting heavily and it was a moment before he could speak.
"Sire Ver Leth? General Smahlt? We have news!"
"Is it that you've signed up for remedial stealth training?" Mika commented snidely.
"I'm sorry, Sire." Marius gasped. "But we know where the vampaneze went!"
"Well, fuck me sideways." Said Mika, his expression not changing. "Open with that next time."
Kurda's heart sank as he observed the carnage. Although he was widely known as being a vampaneze sympathizer, it's hard to be sympathetic when you're looking down at an entire family of humans, slaughtered and drained in the cozy kitchen of their woodland cabin miles away from town. A mom. A dad. And four kids.
Kids.
Kurda squeezed eyes shut for a moment and just focused on breathing. His last line of defence between staying professional and falling apart.
It wasn't just the family. The vampaneze was still there, but there was nothing more they could do to him. He was dead too, lying on the floor next to his victims. Whether by his pre-existing sickness or his overindulgence, they'd never know. But Mika was right - he'd certainly been mad. And now, just as certainly, he was dead. The mission was over.
For all Mika's aloof detachment, he didn't appear to be any more comfortable than Kurda felt. His face was desolate as he checked the pulse of each limp body. Even though surely he had to know he wasn't going to find anything... he tried.
"We're too late." Said Mika tonelessly. His voice didn't need a tone, though. His eyes said it all. He slowly stood back up, and stared up at the ceiling for a minute. Just as he'd done before in the woods, he ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath as though continuing his ongoing effort not to go off the deep end. Then he turned around to face Kurda. His face was deathly pale and he looked on the verge of... Kurda wasn't exactly sure what, but it wouldn't be anything good.
"We did our best. We couldn't have seen this coming." Said Kurda, in his well-honed negotiation voice.
"Did we?" Mika replied icily, his voice soft but dangerous. "Because I called this for what it was. I said the vampaneze was mad from the start, and we needed to take him out immediately. And then you insisted on giving him the benefit of the doubt, playing detective and wasting three fucking days investigating the sites where all the Generals were killed? Because you're the vampaneze behaviour specialist, remember?"
As we've discussed, Kurda isn't easily intimidated. But he took an automatic step back as Mika advanced on him, eyes focused and vicious.
"You're being awfully quiet. Where's your devil's advocate routine, Smahlt?" Mika growled. "Aren't you overdue for some line about how their feeding system is a sacred ritual? Come on, I'd love to see you try to excuse this one."
Kurda kept a level head.
"Don't you dare imply I'd condone this, when you know damn well it isn't that simple. If you were that sure about your theory, you had every chance to overrule me!" Kurda fired back, a chill in his voice that rivalled Mika's. "Don't you dare look me in the eye and suggest I'm not as disgusted as you are. These are children!"
"I KNOW THAT!"
Mika let out a feral snarl of rage and swiftly turned his back on Kurda. He grabbed the nearest tangible object in range - a ceramic plate from the countertop - and threw it against the wall where it shattered. The two young vampires with them flinched at the sound, exchanging worried glances at their superior's sudden outburst. But Mika's anger seemed to ebb just as quickly as it surged, and he leaned heavily into the kitchen table. He remained perfectly still for a minute, bead bowed and breathing heavily. Now he just looked defeated.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Kurda murmured. "This is a worst-case scenario. Can we both agree on that?"
He thought he'd chosen those words pretty well, but then Mika tilted his head and stared up at Kurda, with a gaze so intense Kurda could practically feel his skin peeling.
"General Smahlt, I truly hope you believe me when I tell you I'd rather rather stick a knife in my fucking eyeball than agree with you about anything." Said Mika slowly, deliberately enunciating every last syllable. His voice was oozing venom. "Don't insult me by implying we have a single thing in common. Not after this."
"My apologies." Kurda replied, voice stiff with the effort it took to keep himself level-headed. "I hope you believe me when I tell you it won't ever happen again. Sire."
Maybe life is a game of random chance. Or maybe those were the magic words that unintentionally triggered just enough of a cosmic shift to change the course of both their destinies.
A sudden noise from down the hall. It was so quiet, only a vampire's keen ears would've picked it up. It was the sound of something moving, something breathing
Mika wheeled around and whipped his sword out. Kurda grasped the hilt of his own weapon, but did not draw it. Whatever it was didn't sound like a threat. But Mika was clearly shaken by the sight of the slain humans, and that was compounded by the discomfort of failure.
Fact: Mika isn't used to failing. So the odd time he has to deal with it, he doesn't really deal with it at all.
Mika narrowed his eyes suspiciously and followed the sound down the hallway with Kurda shadowing him. Halfway down the hall, they both stopped dead in their tracks as the source of the sound became clear. Suddenly, crying. The unmistakable wail of an inconvenienced baby.
"Fuuuuck." Mika groaned. He stretched the word out into two, almost three syllables and punctuated it with the sharp hiss of his sword as he slid it back into its sheath. He side-eyed Kurda with apprehension as they paused outside the thin wooden door that stood between them and the source of the crying.
Mika took a deep breath, and slowly opened the door. They filed into the room and stopped, side by side, staring down at the white crib on the right side of the room. And the little girl that sat in it. Wrapped in a pink blanket, hair the colour of Kurda's.
She was so tiny.
The presence of two strangers in her room was enough of a surprise to halt the crying for a moment. In the beat of silence, she just stared back up at them out of inquisitive, wide eyes. And during that silence, they just stared back at her. Both at a rare loss for words.
"There's a baby here." Said Kurda weakly, suddenly feeling light-headed as the reality of the situation settled upon him.
"I can see there's a baby here!" Mika snapped back.
The crying began again.
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Kurda hissed.
"How should I know?"
"Figure it out! You're the Prince!"
"And?! I've never even held a baby!"
"Wait, you haven't held a baby? You're almost 270, how have you not held a baby?"
"Why the fuck would I hold a baby?!"
"Focus!" Kurda groaned, rubbing his temples. The crying was only getting louder. "We need a plan. We can't leave her here."
"You said there's a city nearby, right?" Said Mika. He was eyeing the baby with a strangely wary look, as though the little girl was liable to jump out of the crib and bite him.
"Yes. I've got the map right here." Kurda affirmed, rummaging in his backpack. But Mika waved dismissively.
"I don't want to look at your fucking map."
"Mika! You can't say that in front of a baby."
"Fine. I don't want to look at your stupid map. Just pick her up. I'll put some of her stuff in a bag. Least we can do. Then we'll drop her off at an orphanage or something."
Kurda closed the gap between the doorway and the crib in four slow steps. In one deft motion, he reached down and swept the baby up in his arms. And he hugged her, staying hyper-aware of his vampiric strength. Even the most mild-mannered vampire (which Kurda certainly was) could easily damage a fragile human body without meaning to. Within seconds, she'd stopped crying.
"How'd you do that?" Mika grunted. He was on the other side of the room, rummaging through the tiny wooden dresser, stuffing handfuls of baby clothes into a large pink bag that had been hanging on a hook in the corner.
"Do what?"
"How'd you turn the noise off?"
"I'm just hugging her. Babies love hugs."
"If you ever hugged me I think I'd cry more."
"Gods, you're the worst. Luckily you don't ever have to worry about that happening. Despite the fact you do an excellent impression of a miserable, overgrown infant." Kurda retorted swiftly. Mika rolled his eyes and chucked a rolled-up baby sock at Kurda's head. Kurda ignored him.
"Alright, I managed to fit almost all of her clothes in here." Said Mika a minute later, holding the bag up. "Time to head out."
"Let's take some of these too." Kurda suggested, carrying the baby over to a shelving unit on which sat a collection of books and stuffed animals. "Bet you have a few favourites, hmm?" He added softly, addressing the little girl. "We don't have room for all of it, but you can pick the best ones to bring along to your new home. How does that sound?"
She let out a little giggle, and clumsily pointed out her choices (unless she was just pointing at random, there was no way to be sure) as Kurda held her securely against his chest and murmured a steady stream of what he hoped was comforting baby talk. Mika silently picked up each item she pointed at, and tucked it in the bag with her clothes.
Kurda paused before he followed Mika back out the door. He turned back around, running his eyes over the cozy little room. She'd never be here again.
"Can you say bye-bye, room?" Kurda murmured, rocking her gently and planting a little kiss on the top of her head. "Bye-bye, room!"
She giggled again and produced some gibberish.
"Very good." Said Kurda approvingly.
"That wasn't even close." Came Mika's voice from over Kurda's shoulder. Kurda didn't realize he was still standing there. He thought he'd gone back to the kitchen where the others were. Kurda rolled his eyes again.
"Don't mind him." He told the little girl. "He just needs a nap. That's all."
"You're not wrong." Said Mika, yawning. "Sun's gonna be up in an hour. We'll find a hotel for the day, then we'll drop her off somewhere and get the hell out of there."
Arlo and Marius gawked as Mika and Kurda returned to the kitchen with their new acquaintance.
"The vampaneze left one alive?!" Gasped Arlo.
"It's possible he spared her due to her age." Kurda offered. Mika let out a harsh bark of humourless laughter, and Kurda didn't know why he'd said anything at all.
"Right. But the other kids on the floor were fair game!" He snorted derisively. "Smahlt, you dig yourself deeper every time you open your mouth. Just stop talking. The vampaneze was too mad and too blood-drunk to check the whole house. That's all."
"What would you have us do with the vampaneze's body, Sire?" Marius asked. "To prevent wildlife finding their way into the house and going mad from eating his flesh? Or other humans from finding this?"
"Good to know your brain works." Said Mika, in a way that wasn't blatantly encouraging, but not disapproving either. "A human would see carnage like this and start spreading stories about vampires going on murder sprees. We don't need the bad press."
The baby made a gurgling, cooing sound and waved her arms without a care in the world. Kurda repositioned her in his arms so his shoulder was blocking her view of the kitchen, and the horror there.
"Burn the house to the ground. Find whatever flammables you can, and light it up." Mika continued bluntly. But then his tone changed completely and took on a profound undertone of sadness. "Move the human victims... line them up side-by-side. Send them to their afterlife with as much respect as possible under these circumstances. Maybe cross their arms over their chests, like at a funeral."
Mika's steely gaze wandered over the family one last time, flipped over to Kurda, lingered on the baby girl, and finally rested on the vampaneze's body. Then the sadness in his eyes was replaced abruptly by burning anger.
"But move the vampaneze's body to another room." Mika added. "He doesn't deserve to be cremated in the same area as the family he killed. Can I trust you two with that?"
Arlo and Marius nodded eagerly.
"Yes, Sire!"
"Thank you. When you're finished, start heading back to Vampire Mountain. General Smahlt and I have to tie up some loose ends in the city. Once that's finished, we'll meet up with you." Said Mika as he turned to leave. Kurda wrapped the blanket more snugly around his precious cargo, and followed.
Mika paused once they were both outside, and turned back to address Marius and Arlo one last time.
"Oh. And cut up the body of the vampaneze so his soul never knows paradise." He added as a cold afterthought.
Kurda opened his mouth to say something in protest. But then the baby shifted in his arms, made a soft sighing noise, and nuzzled her little face into his chest - right against his melting heart. He kissed her hair again, and didn't say another word about the vampaneze.
Thanks for reading! I've had such a wonderful time returning to this story. I know it's really niche but this is a huge piece of my heart, so if you enjoyed it I'd really like to know :)
Chapter 2 will be up tomorrow! I have quite a bit pre-written already.
- Roxy