17 - I Didn't Plan It

The soothing sounds of ghosts being busted on the television played in the background as Steph stared unseeingly at her laptop screen, her body sinking further down into the couch cushions with every second that passed. Soon, it would swallow her up entirely, and Deb and Bear would be left wondering where she had disappeared to, which, despite the worry it would cause them, was far preferable to the chaos currently consuming her inner world.

Her mind continued to mull over the events of the morning. It had been several hours since she'd been confronted with the deep brown eyes of Carlos Manoso for the first time in ten years, and her heartbeat had hardly slowed for a second.

He'd looked good. Amazing, actually. His muscular frame was a testament to what she assumed was ten years of dedication to keeping his body in peak condition, and the chiselled features of his face had only grown more beautiful with time. All of the feelings she'd had for him back in college - the want, the need, the desire - came crashing back in a tidal wave, flooding her body with a familiar, undeniable heat. But on its heel was the devastation of his departure. EVery tear she had shed. Every night she'd lay awake worrying about his fate. Filling her chest. Drowning her in the anger and sorrow he'd caused.

She wanted to be happy to see him. She wanted to know how he was, to know what he'd been up to, to check that he was okay. But the anger and frustration possessed her to a point that she could no longer contain it. Words were spewing from her lips and in the space of a heartbeat she was across the room and dumping ice-cold water on him like she was the female lead in some rom-com.

She couldn't get away from him quick enough, sprinting down the sidewalk to where she'd parked the Miata, and hurling herself into the front seat, barely sparing a second to check her mirrors tearing away from the curb. She drove like a bat out of hell, alarm bells sounding in her head as her mind screamed at her so loudly that she was surprised she made it all the way back to Newark and Deb's flower shop without incident.

Unfortunately, Deb had been out on a delivery run, leaving his shop assistant Kelly to tend to any pick-ups and walk-ins. And with Deb obviously busy with clients since he wasn't answering his phone either, it left Steph to deal with her spiralling thoughts all by herself.

The universe really was having a field day with her life at the moment, she eventually decided once she'd paced the back room of the shop long enough to calm down somewhat. The apartment, the car, her job. She'd thought things were looking up when Vinnie agreed to let her trial the Bond Enforcement position for a week instead of the file clerk one her dad had told her about, and her first big file was one Joseph Screw-and-Tell Morelli. Turns out the job's not as easy as they make it look on TV, though.

Thankfully Connie had organised for her to meet with some badass bounty hunter named -

"Ah fuck," she muttered out loud, her gaze darting from the laptop to the television to where she'd tossed her phone several hours ago. In all the confusion she'd completely forgotten about the whole reason she'd been at the diner to begin with: to get training from that Ranger guy Connie had set her up with. She'd stormed out without a second thought and now the whole day had gone by and he probably wasn't going to give her a second chance. Connie had said he was a bit of a tough guy, lone wolf type.

She let out an agonised groan for a whole new reason as she scrubbed her hands down her face.

"That doesn't sound like focusing on things other than Carlos!" Deb called from the kitchen over the sound of the pots and pans he was washing up.

"Oh, I'm properly distracted from Carlos, don't you worry. I just realised I blew off the bounty hunter guy I was supposed to meet," she responded, dropping her hands and peering at Deb when he appeared in the doorway, a dish towel slung over his shoulders and that Concerned tilt to his eyebrows he'd had since she told him about her morning when he arrived back at the flower shop in the early afternoon. "He probably thinks I'm a flake, and he won't train me, which means I'll probably fail at bounty hunting. I won't have a paycheck to secure the bond for an apartment. I'll be forced to sleep in a cardboard box on the street and-"

"You're catastrophising," Deb pointed out, cutting her off. He stepped further into the room and plopped down on the corner of Bear's armchair to face her, his expression serious, yet compassionate. "As long as I have a roof over my head, you will never be homeless. I don't care if we have to share a single bed, or get bunk beds. You will not be sleeping in a cardboard box."

The corner of Steph's lips hiked up, partially in thanks for her friend diffusing her spiral, and partly because of the only question that came to mind following his proclamation. "Where's Bear in this hypothetical situation where we're sharing a single bed?"

"In a sleeping bag on the floor right beside you," Bear answered as he strode into the living room, tugging his black uniform shirt down over his abs, fresh from the shower. "I'm sure even if this bounty hunter guy doesn't train you, you'll figure something out. You always do."

A thanks was on the tip of Steph's tongue, her lips parted ready to speak, when there was a knock at the door. All three of their heads swivelled toward the hall that led to the front door before almost immediately turning back to cast questioning glances at the others. It was clear from the suspicion on each of their faces that none of them were expecting visitors this evening.

"I'll get it," Bear offered. Which was logical, since he was the only one already standing. He disappeared through the doorway, and a second later Steph and Deb listened as the security chain was disengaged and the door opened. There was a pause, and then Bear's surprised voice drifted back to them. "Ranger?"

Steph was off the couch in an instant. The bounty hunter she was supposed to meet this morning had sought her out! It was odd timing, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She'd take whatever he was offering in terms of training. If he was still willing, that is.

"Bear?" The voice that replied to Bear's query had her skidding to a halt in the hall, just out of sight. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she was surprised her ribcage was able to contain it, and that the men in the entry couldn't hear it thundering away.

That wasn't the Ranger guy she was supposed to meet. That was… she'd only heard his voice once in the last decade, but there was no mistaking the smooth baritone as it slid up her spine caressing every vertebrae until it settled in a tingle of awareness at the nape of her neck.

"Carlos?" she questioned, somehow managing the final steps into the entryway without her knees giving out or her feet tripping over themselves. The sliver of the figure she could see past Bear's wide frame quickly expanded to a full view of the man that at one stage in her life had been her best friend. His expression was anything but familiar to her as their gazes locked, though. Hard and blank and assessing.

"Steph…"

She was vaguely aware of Bear's head swivelling between them, a dawning realisation in his low rumbled, "Oh, Carlos."

"Donkey."

All eyes cut to Deb as he leaned a shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest, mild amusement in his tone as he referenced the scene from Shrek, but a sharp assessing look in his eyes as he peered at Carlos. It wasn't a friendly look. It was the kind of look Deb gave Steph's mom every time they were in the same room together. Distrust, suspicion, a hint of disdain. She could only imagine the cutting words he had lined up on the tip of his tongue, ready to slice into the man.

"Hildebrand?"

Shocked, Steph almost gave herself whiplash, turning back to stare at Carlos. He knew Deb? Wait… he'd addressed Bear by name too. "What the hell is going on here?" she demanded, throwing her hands up in frustration. "How do you all know each other? And what are you doing here?" She waved her hand back and forth between the men before settling a glare at Carlos, though she had to admit there was significantly less heat in it than when she'd first laid eyes on him in the diner this morning.

After all these years, all the trauma he'd caused that had wreaked havoc on her life, she couldn't deny the instant attraction that zinged through her afresh. A tiny rebellious part of her wanted to throw away the years of pain he'd caused, excuse his actions and just kiss him. Maybe more than kiss him. But she squashed that down and shoved it into the padlocked box of denial in the back corner of her mind, giving it a mental kick for good measure as she crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for answers.

"He owns Rangeman," Bear explained in his quietly gruff tone. He was still standing far enough into the doorway to block Carlos from entering. A wall of flesh, preventing him from getting any closer to Steph as he eyed her with concern. "He's my boss."

"And I was hired to provide floral arrangements for the building a couple weeks ago." Deb's expression matched his fiancé's as he stepped closer to Steph, abandoning the wall he'd been leaning against to watch her more carefully. Probably looking for signs that she was going to start spiralling again. Which was a very definite possibility given what she wascurrently learning!

"You've been working for Carlos Manoso, the man who -" she cut herself off, not willing to open herself up to be more vulnerable than she already felt with Carlos standing right there. "And you didn't think to mention it to me?" Her attention was wholly on Deb now, because Deb knew everything. He'd swept up the debris of her life after Carlos left in college and meticulously glued her shattered pieces back together one shard at a time. The hurt that filled her chest threatened to consume her. "You-"

"I was hired by Lester Santos," Deb explained quickly and quietly, ducking his head to maintain eye contact. "I was hired by Lester Santos for Rangeman. The first time I laid eyes on Carlos was this morning when I dropped off the second delivery of flowers." He reached for her hands where they were crossed over her middle, hugging herself, and pulled them away, ensuring he had her full attention. "I promise you, Honey. Until this morning, I had no idea who owned Rangeman. I would have told you. I was going to tell you once Bear left for work."

"Bear-" Steph started, her voice thick with emotion, hurt, accusation.

"Bear didn't realise," Deb soothed.

"I'm sorry, Steph," Bear murmured. "He's never called anything but Ranger at work, and I never made the connection that he could be your Carlos."

"He's not my anything!" Steph snapped reflexively. "He- wait. Ranger?" He's called Ranger at work. And Bear had definitely said Ranger when he opened the door. She looked from Bear, standing before her in his black cargos and black shirt with Rangeman printed across the left side of the chest. Then to Carlos, wearing an identical uniform. The same uniform she'd seen the muscle men wearing as they came and went from the bonds office. Tank and… Lester. She cut her eyes to Deb. He'd said a guy named Lester hired him for the flowers at Rangeman. Lester, like Carlos's younger cousin Lester?

All the puzzle pieces fell into place and Steph did not like the picture they made one bit. It was all pointing directly to Carlos. Carlos was Bear's boss. Carlos owned The company Deb is providing flowers for. Carlos is the mysterious Ranger guy that's supposed to train her. Carlos, who broke her heart, and left her alone, and caused any number of the issues she'd had in her personal life since then.

"Oh, hell no!"

Shaking her head and waving her hands like she could erase the man from existence, she backed away until she was in the hallway, then turned and speed walked to the spare room she'd been occupying, slamming the door behind her like an angry teen. She didn't care.

She was already struggling to deal with the fact that Carlos was right there, and every emotion and feeling she'd ever felt for him was bubbling up and boiling over in a confusing soup of anger, relief, longing and attraction. Why wasn't her life ever simple?

It sounded like an argument broke out in the entryway, followed by a scuffle as Steph paced back and forth in her small room, her mind whirring. Something had to give. Whatever else the universe had in store for her, it could all be chucked in the trash, because she'd had enough. She couldn't take any more big life events at the moment.

The commotion out in the hall died down quickly and a moment later Deb's soft knock sounded on the door, followed by his voice as he called out to her.

Stopping her pacing abruptly, she jerked open the door, relieved to see that it was just Deb, though Bear was a few feet behind him lingering near the door to the living room. "Is he gone?"

Deb grimaced. "No."

Steph attempted to close the door on him, but he easily forced his way in, shutting the door behind him and leaning back against it. He looked exhausted, a hint of apprehension in his eyes, but he still had that you're going to listen to me look that always made her pay attention.

"I don't want to talk to him," Steph stated, planting her feet and crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't want to see him. He can crawl back into whatever hole he came from."

Deb nodded. "I know you're angry and hurt. And you have every right to be. But I think you need to talk to him at the very least. You need closure." He stepped off the door and lifted his hands, beckoning her to him and letting out a sigh when she stubbornly stayed put in the middle of the room. "Honey, come on. You've been carrying this around for too long. You need to let it out and let it go."

Steph narrowed her eyes at him, leaning back away from him as he approached. "I swear to god, Deb, if you start singing Frozen at me again right now I will shove my knee into your crotch so hard you'll be singing soprano."

Despite the tension of the situation, all the concern etched on his face, all the turmoil filling Steph's mind and body, he laughed. His face broke into a grin and he affected a womanly falsetto as he gripped Steph's biceps so she couldn't get away. "The snow glows white on the mountains tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and it looks like you're the queen."

She couldn't help but snort at his show, his exaggerated expressions cutting through the little pressure bubble building inside her. She mimed kneeing him in the groin and he obliged with an overreaction, pulling them both down to sit on the edge of the bed where he took both her hands in his and forced her to look him in the eye once more.

"You're at a crossroads," he pointed out. "You can go out there and talk to him and finally release all the hidden emotions you've been carrying around for the last ten years, or you can ignore him, send him away and basically be just as bad as he was back then."

"Just as bad?" Steph exclaimed. "I'm not the one who packed up his dorm and disappeared! I'm not the one who-"

Deb nodded. "You're right, but from what you told me earlier you are the one who yelled at him and then ran away before he could explain himself. People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. You've both made mistakes, but the only way to set things right is to talk about them. If you don't know Carlos's side of the story how are you going to lay this to rest."

Steph frowned. He was probably right, just like her therapist had probably been right when she suggested tracking Carlos down all those years ago to talk things out. But that didn't mean she wanted to do it anymore now than she did back then. He left her, and she was fine with him staying gone.

Another sigh floated past Deb's lips. "Steph, I'm not saying you have to forgive him or you have to confess all the feelings you were too afraid to admit to back then." He squeezed her hands. "Just have a conversation with him. This is your story, your life, and if you push him away without talking to him now, your history will continue to choke you for the rest of your days."

She hated how right he was. She'd already let their history ruin numerous relationships before she'd sorted through some of the residual anger and fear he'd left her with. She made it through him leaving, she could make it through a difficult conversation now. Deb would be nearby if she needed him.

She just hated that Carlos decided to reappear in her life, looking for all the world like the picture of success with his security company and probably a glowing military career behind him, and Steph was probably at one of the lowest points in her adult life.

Another knock sounded at the door, this one slightly heavier than Deb's had been, but a familiar distinct enquiring rhythm. Bear.

Deb was off the bed and opening the door a couple of inches, respecting her privacy in case she didn't want Bear to see her, or on the off chance that Carlos was also at the door.

"I need to leave for work," Bear said quietly. "Are you going to be okay if I go?"

Rather than answer right away, Deb glanced back over his shoulder to her, a question in his single raised eyebrow. Steph surged to her feet, shoving that one stubborn curl behind her ear and joining Deb at the door. He must have sensed that whatever she had to say was for Bear and not him, because he opened the door wider so they could see each other.

"Leave me your spare gun and I think we'll be fine," she announced, just a hint of a joke in her tone.

Bear's bushy brows jumped up in surprise. "What about your gun?"

Steph shook her head. "I don't have a gun."

"You mean to tell me you're out there trying to catch criminals and you don't have a gun? Do you at least have defence spray?"

"I have cuffs…?" she offered with a shrug. Connie had given them to her from the storage room behind her desk, and she was pretty sure the key was already lost in the candy wrappers and receipts at the bottom of her handbag.

Bear moved to unclip his gun from his belt, but Deb laid a hand on his forearm, halting the movement. "I'm pretty sure Steph doesn't need a gun to get through the conversation tonight," he assured his partner when Bear looked up. "It's probably safer if you take the firearms with you."

A nod from their protective teddy bear confirmed he understood, and he resecured his gun, turning his attention to Steph again. "I'm sorry I didn't realise my boss was your-" he quickly diverted the end of his sentence when Steph opened her mouth to protest. "-was the Carlos that left you."

Steph nodded and accepted the hug he offered just as his phone alarm sounded, the reminder that he needed to be out the door if he was going to make it to work on time. When they broke apart, she assured him it was okay and they trailed behind him down as he made his way out, Steph stopping in the doorway to the living room, her gaze caught on her old friend as Deb and Bear continued to the entryway to say their goodbyes for the evening.

Carlos stared back at her, drinking in every detail as she did the same. This definitely wasn't how she would have planned a meeting with Carlos to happen. Her plans almost never worked out. But now that her life had taken a hard left turn and brought them back into the same orbit, she knew Deb was right and she had to take hold of the situation if she wanted to move on.

She was reminded of that first day in high school when she'd taken a punch for him and he'd escorted her to the nurse's office. She knew then that she would do almost anything for the skinny Latino kid who had immediately recognised a strength in her that no one else seemed to notice. She remembered her silent vow to fight for him no matter what, but for the last decade since he left, she'd been fighting to keep him out of her mind. And right now? Well, she was pretty sure she was ready to just fight him.