"PLEASE... STOP!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

"P-PLEASE..."

"PLEASE... KILL ME..."

"RON!"

My heart beats a mile a minute, a cold sweat runs down the back of my neck and tears run down my face, that bloody nightmare again.

No.

That bloody memory again.

I look through the window as the sun is a few hours away from rising, it was a childish hope to think that by going back in time I would escape from my memories... from my conscience.

Knowing that any hope of sleeping was absurd I decided to prepare myself for my routine, I won't be able to use magic outside Hogwarts for a few more years but that doesn't stop me from training my body.

It's amazing how we wizards almost ignored the advantages of an athletic body, many relying purely on magic and their money vaults, the big advantage we had in the beginning of the war was how out of shape Malfoy, Nott, Yaxley and the other death eaters who were not Voldemort's elite were.

Come on, six kids between the ages of 16 and 15 who only had two decent defense teachers of defense agains the dark arts (how sad is it that the second best was a Voldemort spy?) walked into a trap set well in advance by adult graduates of the house of cunning and we all got out alive. The only reason Sirius died that day was because Bellatrix was there, the others were really pathetic old men whose glory had passed many years ago.

Harry a malnourished but athletic teenager, Neville shy but with a body forged by gardening and Ginny and I, people who spent all our childhoods exercising playing outdoors or preparing for quidditch were able to keep up with them with only our physical condition and youth.

(Hermione and Luna who are more serene and less athletic people had a harder time, with Hermione being the first to fall and Luna avoiding the same fate by being more sensible to her limitations).

Changing into more athletic clothes I head as quietly as possible to the entrance of my home, as I leave the cold of the morning hits me head on along with the smell of the dew soaked grass.

Starting with a few basic stretches my mind takes me back to the early years of endurance. Seeing Neville turn from that awkward and shy boy into a fearless leader was a tremendous surprise, no one expected great things from him being Neville the one who thought the least.

Neville took Hermione and Harry's idea of a DA product and improved it to a spectacular level.

While we were on the Horcrux hunt (and being a pathetic excuse for a human, although that only applies to me) Neville, Luna and Ginny reformed the group and took it to its true potential, not only did they teach defense against the dark arts, Neville devised a plan for physical exercise quite competent for someone without any practice, the younger students were given more personal help. Not only with defense but also mental help. Neville, unlike Harry, had a more personal relationship with the members, who did not see him as the chosen one but as someone relatable, someone far from having a destiny written in stone and more like an ordinary person with initiative and hard-earned leadership.

Finishing the stretching I start jogging, the best physical quality in a duel between mages is agility and speed, the better you can evade enemy attacks or straggle to strategic points the better.

The best quality in a war is stamina, the longer you can stay in combat conditions and fight in different fronts the better.

It is an advantage of having the twins as my older brothers, learning to run away as fast as possible as long as possible was a necessity to survive.

The scenery is beautiful, green meadows stretch as far as the eye can see, bushes full of different flowers can be seen adorning my mom's cortezia moor, and a small stream can be seen running through its place towards the nearby lagoon, it helps me a lot to clear my mind of the memory of this morning.

The memory of my greatest failure.

How I hated Neville for not letting me go straight into the trap, how I hated him when he wouldn't let me take my own life to be together with them... together with her. It took me a while to realize that I had to stay in that world devoid of light to fulfill my punishment.

The sun is already fully in the sky, it's been a couple of hours since I started my exercise and my legs are already begging for mercy (why the hell did I choose to say it like that?!) but I still need to get to the lake.

If my brothers find out that I work out every day they will start suspecting their lazy brother, of course I can say that I'm just conditioning to get the keeper position in the team or say that I want to dazzle Hermione with my new muscles (which is not entirely a lie, I know that after my training in the quidditch team she started to pay more attention to my torso and arms) but it is necessary for my plans to go as unnoticed as possible at least the first few years.

No one must know that this war has a third player.

Arriving at the lagoon I take a few moments to rest, I remember one of the muggleborns saying that swimming was a good way to gain muscle in both legs and arms, so I'll take advantage of these weeks before Hermione and Harry arrive to use this training, later I'll have to use more normal methods.

The water is fucking cold, how I wish I had thought that before jumping into it, my newly worked muscles contract giving me a stabbing pain, fortunately I'm still in the less wavy part, after a few curses to the air I start swimming from one end to the other, the first two laps are easy, even fun, but in the third one I start to feel the fatigue quickly, my arms feel heavier and heavier and my legs instinctively slow down, I know that being the first day I should start easy but:

I think about how if I had been stronger I could have saved Lavender from Fenrir.

If I had been quicker I could have moved Fred out of the way of the explosion.

If I had been more reactive I could have gotten between Harry and the Adava Kedavra that took him from us.

I could have saved Hermione from being kidnapped...

My muscles burn but they are nowhere near the pain of losing my family, I try my best to keep going, a useless person like me doesn't have the option of not giving more than the maximum if he doesn't want to be left behind such great people as Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna...

Luna...

I think my mind is finally playing tricks on me because I seem to have seen Luna on the other side of the lagoon, sitting on the shore. Those beautiful big eyes staring at me. Her beautiful dreamy smile always present on her face.

The day my Moon loses her smile is the day the world will lose its meaning.

When I finally decide that my mind is not playing tricks on me and she is the real Luna my brain goes blank. I know the Lovegoods and the Weasleys are basically neighbors and the lake is closer to her house than the Burrow but I didn't expect to meet Luna so quickly.

According to what Ginny told me she befriended Luna shortly after the Yule Ball when she saved her from being bullied by some Ravenclaw idiots years older. (Seriously, how could someone from Ravenclaw be stupid enough to insult Luna?) When Luna confessed to her that she was being bullied for not having friends my sister decided that she would be her best friend. (I think Ginny and I have a specific taste in social misfits for friends and partners).

Without having the excuse of meeting my sister's friend or the excuse of being a prefect who wants to help a younger student I start to get nervous, what can I say? "Hi my name is Ron Weasley and I am head over heels in love with you and Hermione, do you come here often?" "Sup cutie, wanna snog?"

I know I'm being a jerk (what can I say, I'm a creature of habit) and I won't talk to a 13 year old girl about how she shares absolute control of my heart with another girl on our "first" meeting, but I can't help but get nervous, for me it's only been a few days since I parted ways with my Luna, our last hug, kiss, night and farewell I can still feel them and there is no person more perseptive than Luna Lovegood, no matter how old she is, I'm sure she will notice my affection towards her (fucking occlumency I was never good at, now she would be perfect).

When I finally decided to be spontaneous and leave everything to Merlin's will, I see that Luna is no longer near the lake, looking for her everywhere with my eyes I only manage to see some golden tresses walking away towards her house.

The struggle of feelings inside me is huge, I feel relieved that I will have time to accommodate my feelings before meeting her again, but bloody hell, I really want to talk to her, feel how her smile warms me up close, her conversations that are a mixture of fantasy with wisdom that transcends her age, see how her eyes reflect the absolute love she feels for life itself, feel that lovely scent she gives off, a citric mixture of lemon and plum that makes me feel at peace.

Knowing that my chance has passed and that my body is screaming for mercy, I decide to return home, my mind changing memories of a distant future for the infinite opportunities that this new present presents.

(Again my beloved hare saving my soul).

Already in front of the door of the burrow I realize what kind of pain awaits me from now on, my legs feel as if they were glued to the ground and my arms burn and throb as in my quidditch training, but well at no time I thought that my condition would be easier. As I walk through the door I can hear my mom humming a Celestina Warbeck song as she starts preparing breakfast, as I approach the kitchen I can see how she has a look of pure bliss on her face as she does that.

Mom.

How I love to see her so alive and happy, without the worries that weighed on her shoulders since the end of the triwizard tournament, for her since before the war started the whole thing reminded her of her deceased older siblings.

Ginny and I found her several times crying herself to sleep with the picture of my uncles Gideon and Fabian clutched to her chest, that Harry, Hermione and I were always at the center of it all was a terrible nightmare for her, a cruel reminder of the first time her family was ripped away from her.

Probably sensing my gaze on her back, mom turns around with her motherly smile on her face "Oh Ronnie, I didn't know you weren't in your room, it's rare for you to get up so early."

"Sorry mum, I got into a habit of getting up early this year because of Harry, Oliver really wanted his senior year Griffindor to win the cup so he made Harry get up at early hours to train and let me tell you the git didn't mind waking up the whole dorm with his brooding" It was partly true, Oliver really did concentrate every part of his being to make his final year at Hogwarts a victory for Griffindor, if the letters to Katie were correct this achievement secured his place in the Puddlemere United reserves.

"That boy..." Mum was well aware of how barmy Oliver was, when Charlie, Percy and the twins say the same thing about a guy it is indeed true "So where did you go and why are you wet?" she said inspecting me from head to toe as with a slide of her wand she dried me completely, causing a homely warmth to surround my body, for homely spells mum has no equal to her.

"Or I just went to the lagoon to do some swimming, I think I'll start doing that from now on and see if I can gain some muscles so that this year I'll have the keeper position secured" it bothers me to lie to mom but it's a feeling I must get used to, from now on I can never be completely honest with almost anyone.

If there was one good thing about the war it was realizing how important it is to plan everything, I may not be a social genius like Ginny, but I know the people around me completely, having prepared the answers to the questions they will have because of my behavior changes is something I have done since before I traveled to the past, with these as a guide, a little bit of inprovisation and blaming it on puberty from time to time, I should avoid suspicions to myself.

"What is it with you Weasleys men playing that game" said mum with a playful scoff, if she knew what Ginny was doing sneaking around at night "Well Ronnie the food won't be ready for a while yet, if you want you can lie down for another half hour or do something else" "Don't you want me to help you Mum?

"Don't you want me to help you mom, it's not like I have much to do and I don't think I can sleep again" My mother couldn't help her surprise, neither my brothers nor I volunteer to help with homework, not even Percy.

"Well if you want Ronnie, you can help me peel the potatoes" her smile of approval illuminates the whole kitchen, apparently the happiness she feels with such a minimal gesture leaves aside the interrogation she surely thought when she saw my attitude, in other circumstances she would have already asked me what I had broken or if I had kidnapped Harry again and I still didn't tell her.

Peeling potatoes reminds me a lot of the future, cooking was one of my most common tasks in the DA, the food we could get was scarce, it was one of the most important tasks and the one that had more risks, the quality was on par with the abundance, we could not waste a single vegetable and Hanna and I did everything possible to improve the taste of the food.

It was one of those times that Neville's genius with herbology saved us, with his knowledge and mine, always watching my mom doing the work in our garden, we were able to reduce the malnutrition probla of the resistance, but with so many people and little space, miracles had a limit.

"Hey mom, have you ever thought about opening your own restaurant? I'm sure you'd bankrupt every business in knockturn alley," began the conversation with mom.

"Ronnie you make me blush" mom's body language made it look like she was really pleased with that compliment "And no Ronnie, at some point your uncles also asked me the same question you know... "They told me that they would be my partners, investing their money in the restaurant and in their time off as auror they would be my gallant waiters who would attract all the female clientele" her eyes sparkled from the tears of nostalgia that were beginning to form.

"But no... since I met your father it was always my intention to form a big and beautiful family with him, I wanted to be with you in every moment of your life, to prepare you for the world and see you go out into it as prepared adults" At this moment I am sure she has in her mind Percy who thanks to his grades managed to quickly find a job in the ministry.

My mother turns her attention back to me with a look of pure love, she passes a hand on my cheek... I have a hard time not to give in to the tears that are rising inside me, seeing my mother murdered by Bellatrix still appears in my nightmares from time to time.

"I know we are not in an easy financial situation Ronnie, but I would never change my decision to be in every moment of your childhood with you, to see your dad off every day with a nice lunch and a kiss every time he leaves for work and to have a hot dinner ready for his stomach and a listening ear to hear his worries and achievements when he returns at night, to take you all to the station so you can go to Hogwarts and to welcome you with a hug when you come back, for me Ronnie, you all are my fortune."

It is so hard to hold back my tears, how I love this woman, as much as my insecurities plagued me at no time did I hate my mother, no matter how many wrong color jumpers she gave me or how many corned beef sandwiches she made me, every single thing she gave me was drenched in love.

"I love you mom, thank you for always being with me."

"Oh Ronnie" she couldn't take the atmosphere anymore and gave me a big hug that would leave me in a few seconds breathless, but I didn't mind at all, in the nights after the war when hope was already practically at rock bottom one of my biggest wishes was to have one of these hugs, to feel my family alive and happy.

I promise you mom that I will never let Voldemort take our family away from us again, you will not have to endure another death of your loved ones or die with my dad so we can escape.

We are a family of heroes thanks to you and him.

We are Weasley.

"Hey mom, do you think I could help you with meals? I really wish I could cook, your food has no equal anywhere in the world and while I'm at Hogwarts I miss it so much, I know the elves in the kitchens would let me fix myself a treat once in a while."

I must have said something nice, because again he caught me in his embrace.

"Oh Ronnie, I had given up on passing on my skills to any of you!" To be fair I only try it with Ginny, my mom is from the old school where the men work all day and the women take care of the house, mom has no one but herself to blame for Ginny rowing so much to activities that are seen as feminine.

And me, well... I love Hermione and Luna with all my soul, both the smartest people I've ever met... but bloody hell, what they do in the kitchen is closer to being a poison from Snape's personal collection than a meal (fucking mushrooms) it's obvious that my role in the relationship will be that we don't die of inhanition.

And so with my mom happy to impart her wisdom, she teaches me all the little tricks that only a woman happily married for almost 30 years can know, how long to leave the potatoes in the pan, the right way to beat eggs and brown bacon, while smilingly telling me the worst attempts Ginny made before mom gave her up for lost.

As with anything in Molly Weasley's life, putting in all the love that only she can give.

"Least loved, always, by the mother who craved a daughter..."

Because until I lost everything I realized that being the least loved does not mean that I am not loved, mom and dad died so that Ginny and I could stay alive, as well as Harry's, my mother would never hesitate to protect me at her expense.

(I love you so much mom, I am so proud to be able to say that I am your son).

"Dear Hermione.

I hope you are having a great time this summer, even though it has just started I am sure you have already finished all your homework and are half way through the books for the next school year (seriously woman, get yourself a hobby that isn't eating books).

I haven't seen you both for a few days and I miss you both already, maybe it's because I spent the last few days unconscious in the infirmary but I feel like I haven't seen you and Harry in years... I hope to hear more from you in the meantime, I wouldn't like to think that among all the books you must be hiding in, your memories of your friends are still there.

Did you tell your parents that this year there was a dark, emaciated, ugly creature that feeds on the happiness of the students, or did they already know about Snape? Of course there were also the dementors but I'm sure they are some sort of distant cousin of the greasy git.

Speaking of them, do you know where they are going on vacation this year? I hope wherever they go you have a great time, I hope at some point my whole family can go on a trip again like last year in Egypt, this time without death eaters disguised as pet rats (Or who knows maybe someone else Harry's dad's friend is in Azkaban wrongfully, see the picture and decide to do justice on their own, at least this way we won't be so surprised by the problem I'm sure we will have this new year), wherever you go try not to spend so much time in a pamphlet of the country instead of enjoying it, I want to know in detail how the muggles are on that side.

If you arrive early from your trip, would you like to spend the rest of your vacation at my house? I think it's about time you got to know all my family and the place where I was born, I'm sure you'd love to see a wizarding house for the first time from the inside as well as the long meadows with woods that extend in our property, I'd love to have you with me for some time without school in between, but Harry won't be able to join us until almost the end of the vacations (Dumbledore's orders, I have no idea why) so it would be just you and me for some time, so get ready because I plan to show you every one of my favorite places!

You know I've been thinking, with all the trouble divination caused us last year I think it would be best to drop the class, I'm thinking of changing it to runes, my brother Bill (the oldest of us) showed me at some point some of the runes he uses daily in his job looting tombs and they sound interesting, so I wanted to see if I could borrow your notes from last year so I don't fall too far behind in the subject (I can already hear you laughing because you were right about the subject, it's not worth the easy "O" that comes with the subject if each and every class I will hear how Harry will die in his future in the most grotesque or ridiculous ways, needless to say I will try to convince Harry to drop out along with me.

Ginny sends her regards, little glemlin is still taking advantage of the vacations to sleep long hours in the afternoon, something that if you ask me is a genius idea, but well I'm training to be able to keep the position of keeper of the Griffindor team that was left open by Oliver's graduation, so this time you'll have to support the team twice as much because your two best friends will be in it.

I hope you take care of yourself and have fun this vacation, I will look forward to your letters mentioning how boring and sad life would be without my brilliant humor and perfect teacher impressions (just kidding, please don't hex me).

With nothing more to say I bid you farewell

with all my love, the tallest and most handsome of your friends.

Ron"