CRICKET

"Did you hear that?"

Hagakure raised an invisible hand to her invisible chin. "Hear what?"

Jiro paused. "There it is again!"

Mina shrugged. "Maybe Shoji heard it?"

Jiro stomped upstairs, then came back dragging Shoji by his shirt. Shoji grew a biblical amount of ears. Even after Jiro flinched a few times, Shoji said, "Nope. What are you hearing?"

"A cricket."

"Really? Maybe Koda could help."

Jiro dragged Shoji back upstairs and returned with Koda in tow. In the end, Koda shook his head, signing that the cricket must not be able to hear his voice.

"Maybe you could get a microphone?" Mina asked.

Jiro dragged Koda away, dragged Momo into the room, then facepalmed and went back for Koda. Momo made a sound system designed to destroy eardrums at rock concerts. Koda's voice rattled the walls, but even with earplugs still in, Jiro heard the cricket.

"If Koda's voice isn't having an effect," Momo mused, "Then perhaps it isn't a cricket. It might be-"

Bakugo crashed through the wall, shouting, "A robot!"

"Precisely. Maybe Midoriya could help."

Jiro dragged both Koda and Momo upstairs. A loud scraping sound, punctuated by stair-breaking thumps heralded Jiro's return. Huffing and puffing, she yanked Izuku into the room. "Cricket. Kill. Now."

"Analyzing immediate surroundings. Search parameters selected, natural, artificial, incorporeal, and demonic crickets. One result found."

Izuku reached through the floor and pulled up an Australian man holding a flat bat. "G'day mates! I got a wee bit turned around. Mind telling me where the field is?"

"Calculating. Field found. Initiating launch sequence."

The cricket player shouted, "Thanks mate!" as he went flying through the roof.

"Zero results found. Are the results of your search query satisfactory?"

After a moment of silence, Jiro yanked on her earlobes. "It's still there! Why?"

"Uh, Jiro? I don't want to say this, but maybe it's…"

"What? Insidious, out to get me, defying the laws of nature?"

"All in your head."

Jiro shuddered. "I'm not crazy! I swear!"

"I'm not saying you are! Just… maybe you should drag Hound Dog in here? At the very least, he could listen to how you feel and give you headpats."

"I don't get headpats," Hagakure said.

"Maybe because he doesn't know where your head is."

"That's not fair! I want headpats too!"

"Analysis of Jiro's cranium complete," Izuku said. "Tumor detected."

"Uh, maybe you should drag Recovery Girl in here."

"Screw that!" Jiro flung her arms out. "Take me now! Deliver me unto your silent embrace!"

Izuku jabbed fingers into her neck. "Sedative applied. Beginning incision."

A sawblade carved off the top of Jiro's skull. Izuku reached inside her brain and pulled out a chirping cricket.

"Tumor found. Disposing of biohazard."

Izuku ate the cricket and belched out a plume of smoke. Jiro waited, then heaved a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness. It's gone. I'm going to sleep now."

As Jiro drifted into unconsciousness, she heard a single chirp. Bloodshot eyes snapped open, and she screamed like a Viking warrior.

500

Chirp.