My fingers kept intensely hitting the buttons of my keyboard as I fully immersed myself in the game I was playing.
The action on the screen got more and more profound as the battle between my character and the enemy got more violent and intense. The effects of the sword cutting the flesh and getting hit by the said monster was all over the screen, never the less my attention was fully focused on monster's health and its movements. It's been several hours of countless trying at this point to defeat this thing and finally go into another level. This was the longest I have been up against this guy, so I had hoped I could win this round but alas…
[You have died]
The red pretext in bloody effect once again informed me of my failure. The anger and bitterness swelled up within me as I brough down my fists on the table in rage.
"Damn! Not again! Come on man!"
I lost count of how many times I have died at this point, all those hours wasted and I was still failing to kill this guy!
'If you have had invested this much time into studying instead of playing games, maybe you wouldn't be a failure in the real life as well' a sarcastic voice of my inner consciousness whispered in my ears as the anger in my heart turned into bitterness.
I swear to god, if you won't stop screaming like a retard, I will come up there and smack your wide stupid head! I heard my grandma scream at me from the next room in frustration. Clenching my teeth bitterly, I exited the damn game and throw the mouse away, and simply sat in the chair and stared at the white of the ceiling as another session of self-estimation settled in. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
I Finished school a few months ago but failed my University entrance exams. For a 19-year-old guy that should be enjoying his life to its fullest, I spent the better half of it locking myself up in my room. I felt like a failure.
Kids my age, my former classmates and my childhood friends, all of them got enrolled in the university. They probably already chose the subjects they wanted to study for their future jobs and careers. They are living a normal productive life, while I am sitting here screaming at video games.
I really am pathetic, aren't I?
'whose fault is that? It was you who wanted to waste his time playing games and read fiction instead of studying, it was you who ignored everyone else around him who wanted to help. instead of focusing on the stuff that mattered you cosplayed the lone wolf, blamed your Mommy for your social insecurities, and got yourself here.
The inner voice returned with its reminder of my failures. It spoke the hard truth and I hated myself for not being able to speak back.
It was right, I got myself here, I got what I deserved. In my thoughts the brief memory flashed of the night I showed my entrance exam scores to my father. As far as I remember he was always trying his best to understand and support me, but that day was the first time I saw the plain expression of defeat on his face.
'It's…it's okay, you can fix this the next year'
I cringed at the memory.
'God, I suck so much…'
In my moments of self-loath, someone seemed to remember me enough to give me a call. I stared at the vibrating phone on my table and slowly reached out for it, secretly wondering who was the caller but at the back of my mind, I already knew the one guy who could stomach me enough.
[Contact name: Giorgi Chakava
Number: +955 xxxx xxx xx]
It was one of my former classmates, the only actual friend I made in school whom I could talk with. I quickly became friends with him since he liked the same stuff I did like: novels, comics, and games.
The difference between us was that he knew when to have fun and when to work. In a sense, he was a better version of me.
-Hey man, how are you doing.
"I am fine, you know just…" I looked around my room which was filled with a mess. The novels, comics, and manga page and covers scattered all around the place. I remember promising grandma to clean up my room after half the hour of annoying nagging and that was 2 days ago. Don't get me wrong, I really meant to clean my stuff, it's just, I kept putting it off and before I knew it, the minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days. Catching my own laziness red hand made me feel even more bitter about "…being myself."
-Ah, cool man. Dude are you free this evening?
"Kind of, I think, why?"
-I was thinking of doing light jogging around the park, wanna come? We could talk and all, it's been a while since we last spoke actually.
"sure, I guess- "before I finished my sentence, I remembered today was a national Independence Day of my country, Meaning, pretty much the whole park would be filled with guests, people, and all the 'fun stuff.
There was a chance I could run into one of the kids I knew in there.
I bit my lips Subconsciouslyas as my heart started beating nervously.
"I, uh, don't know if I can make it man."
"Y-yeah, I gotta go in the city, help out my father and stuff, Dunno if I can make it man."
-I see, you sure you can't make it? I am going out at, like, 7 Pm?
"I dunno man, I will be probably helping my dad the whole day you know? He doesn't get home till 10." Lier, you will be home by 4. I ignored the voice of my Conscience and focused of the voice in the phone.
-Ah, well that sucks. Next time, I guess?
"Y-yeah man, next time."
-Cool, see ya then buddy. -click-
I look down at the phone in my hand. I just lied to my one true friend because I was self-conscious and embarrassed of meeting the gaze of my peers. I felt awful.
Suddenly the door of my room was opened and the stern face of my grandma entered the place. My grandma looked very young for her 60 years mark of age, she was a loving and caring woman, and I loved her too, but sometimes we had our moments, our arguments and yelling. She looked like she was going to say something, but stopped when she saw the mess in my room.
'Shit…' I closed my eyes and sighted 'here we fucking go…'.
"What is this mess?! Didn't I tell you to clean this place up a while back? Why are those books still on the floor!?"
"I was doing some stuff… And forgot. "I threw in the first baked excuse my mind could come up with and looked outside the window. Perhaps it would have been wise to keep my mouth shut because Grandma looked even angrier.
"'Doing stuff'? like what? Playing your stupid video games and screaming all day in your room? You- "it seems like she wanted to go on another nagging spree, but she cut herself off "Just get down in the kitchen and eat the breakfast, your father is waiting for you at his workplace."
Right. Today I was going to start working with my dad. I couldn't get in university so the next best thing was learning how to make an income and survive in society.
"I swear, just where did we go wrong with you? All of the kids of your age- "whatever she wanted to say was cut short when I quickly closed the door behind me and went to the kitchen. It felt like a stab in the chest every time I was compared to someone.
The breakfast was tasteless in my mouth, not because my Grandma's cooking sucked, but because I was eating quickly without tasting anything in order to get out of the house before Grandma came down and gave me another one of her 'talk'. Sadly, whatever my plans were, it already failed when I saw grandma entering the kitchen with a thoughtful expression.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, suddenly swallowing the bite I was chewing on seemed difficult.
'Any moment now' I whispered to myself.
"Look…" She started "I just want to ask, what are you going to do with this life? Are you going to keep living it as you did before? Laying in your room all day and playing games? This is not how this life works, son. If you won't move your hand, no one will move it for you. Everyone has their own life and misfortunes, no one is going to help you if you don't want to help yourself. You couldn't get to university? It's ok. Neither your grandpa, me and your father finished the education, but we made our living by learning to put in the work and survive in this society." She sighed tiredly." What I am trying to say is, please pay attention to what your father is going to teach you. Getting job is essential. You can't keep on living like you lived before. Sure, maybe tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or maybe for a few years more your dad and I will keep taking care of you, but what happens after a few decades? Your father will be too old to keep on working and I will be long gone- "
I stood up from my sit sharply.
"Shut up." The bitter feeling spread throughout my whole body. she must be looking at me in shock, but I didn't care." Just shut up" I whispered once again as I grabbed my backpack and went out of the door quickly, trying to miss the sad look grandma gave me.
"God…" I whispered to myself as I left through the gates of my home "… I am such a trash" I run my palm across my burning eyes, rubbing off the tears that were running down on my cheeks.
It didn't take long to reach my father's workplace via the bus. My father usually comes home late, that much I didn't lie to my friend. He tends to go to sleep right away so that he can wake up early in the morning. In short, this will be one of those rare times when we will be doing something together that could be considered a quality 'Son and father' time.
"Hit it right here."
"No, not there, right here and around here.
"Good job, now focus on this part."
"Don't strain your hand too much, see, you got to lose your muscles a little bit or you will hurt your wrist, like this."
I sighed as I brushed off some of the sweat from my forehead. It's been two hours since Dad started teaching me how to correctly nail wood and it's been difficult. Well, that should be right, the last physical activity I did was running around the supermarket searching for green apples and even then, I almost fainted.
I kept hitting the damn nail, I could feel my father's gaze beside me. feeling his attention on me, the childish prosperity of proving your worth to your father took a hold of me, with my situation the feeling was thrice the original, I started hammering the nails on the damn wood, desperately trying to show my dad I could actually do something on my own.
"Alright stop." He suddenly said. the stabbing sensation in my heart returned and my breath hitched in my throat, but I kept hammering.
"I told you to stop."
"I can do this." I can do this much at least damn it. I kept hitting the nails with a hammer. I am not all that worthless! I can do at least this much-
My breath hitched again in my throat when my father grabbed my hand. I looked at his impassive face as he slowly released my hand from his grasp. I wanted to yell on the impulse but before I could say anything, he pointed towards the wood I was working on.
"look closely." I looked at the thing and found the problem. In my state of desperation and countless hitting with my hammer, I neglected how excessive force bent several nails.
"If you were a customer, would you buy a product that was nailed like this? "The nails were bent all over the place, some still hanging in the air with their heads bent awkwardly, some were bent into the wood itself. The work looked hideous and all over the place. The bitterness found itself accumulating within my stomach and I internally cringed at myself in embarrassment.
"N-no..." I said in a defeated, sorrowful tone. I heard father's sigh behind me.
"it's ok, you will learn in time; this is your first day, after all, you aren't used to this." Yeah, I was used to lazing around in my bed reading some Chinese cultivation novels. I whispered to myself in irritation.
"Today should be enough. Go home now, we will continue tomorrow" he said as he got prepared to get up from the sit. The bitterness in my stomach slowly turned into anger and once again into a self-loath as I grabbed the wood and started reaping out the nails.
"I will fix it," I said gaining dad's attention.
"Leave it, Son. Tomorrow you- "
"I will fix it!" I said stubbornly as I ripped out the third nail.
I am a trash alright!?
I know that, but even if I can't do anything.
The least I can do is nail this thing-!
"AGhh!" In my state of fury, the hammer fell from my grasp and landed on my finger. I let out the yelp on instinct and grasped my bleeding finger. Before I knew it, dad was beside me.
"Show me" he said and I reluctantly showed him the damage. The hammer almost ripped out my nail, my pointing finger was bleeding and bruised all over the tip. My father sighed once again and took me to the sinks. The feeling of cold water washing over my wound felt irritating and uncomfortable.
"Here, let me put this on " Dad came back from his room, carrying the first aid kit. I bit my lips at a sharp feeling of pain when he put a bandage on my finger. My father's face was as impassive as ever.
"This should do it" I closed my eyes and listened to his voice "It doesn't look serious, so it should help up in few days."
"You are done here now. Get back home and we will continue where we left off tomorrow"
'Don't give up on me…'
I silently stood up and packed my stuff in my bag, ignoring the burning feeling in my finger. When I was ready to walk out of the room, Dad voice stopped me in my trucks.
"You got money?"
"I have enough to get back home"
"I see" he put his hand in his pocket and took out the paper bill of 10 gel*. An uncomfortable feeling blossomed within me.
"Here take it"
I looked down at the offering bill. The uncomfortable feeling spread throughout my whole body again. I felt like I didn't deserve it, and I hated myself for selfishly grasping my fingers around it.
"Thanks" I muttered half-whispered and then I saw my dad smile for the first time in a while.
"Go buy something to eat on your way home." He said.
'Why are you smiling?' I couldn't help but think to myself. Who would be smiling if they were handed the fate of having a son like me? I nodded silently and opened the door.
"Son." He called behind me once again and I slowly turned towards him. He stared at me for a while before saying the next words without shame." I love you"
I cringed internally out of reflex. I had a problem with expressing my emotions, I couldn't talk about my feelings out in the open like people around me without cringing in embarrassment. I have been like this ever since I was a child as a side effect of my mother's… excessive upbringing.
Hearing him say those words without missing a beat made me embarrassed, but it still felt good to hear it.
"Y-yeah" I stumbled over my words "l-love you too…" I whispered and went out of the room without looking at my father's reaction to my words.
Today could have been a lot better, that much was true, but hey, it was a small step towards being more productive. I could have done better, but it is what it is. Nevertheless, I did actually work today.
'look at you, hammered a small piece of the metal in wood for two hours and already feel like you did the world a favor' I pursed my lips together and ignored the voice once again. The weather was hot and suffocating, I really wanted to just lay in my bedroom and hide from the sun. maybe read the few updates of my favorite novels-
I shook my head.
"-Sir? "I woke up from my thoughts and looked up at the cashier who was staring at me awkwardly with my shawarma in her hands.
"uh, your order is up, sir."
"Wh-uh, oh! Sorry I just got stuff in my head"
"It's ok. Happens to the best of us" the cashier smiled and I replayed back with the shy smile of my own, I took the shawarma of her hands nervously and give her the charge, and stood under one of the huge umbrellas they had to hide from the burning sun and enjoy my food. I pulled down my mask. It's been a year since some stupid virus spread across the world and it became mandatory to wear medical masks in public. Those things were welcomed in winter, they kept me warm and all but in this plain heat? It was suffocating to have a piece of cloth over your face in 38 ° heat. I shook off the useless thoughts and bite into the thing savoring its taste and flavor.
'Ah, so freaking good…!' I moaned in my mind. I was about to take another bite when I caught the sight of a child sitting across from me on the bridge and looking at me. The kid noticed my gaze and slowly looked away. His face was smuggled in the dirt. the clothing he wore was ripped all over the place and covered in all kinds of stuff. His hair was messy and dirty. I wouldn't be surprised if He probably smelled too. He was sitting on the carbon piece of the box, with his hands around his stomach and head resting on the top of his knees. He looked starved.
I glanced between my Shawarma and the kid and pursed my lips feeling pathetic again. Sure, I may have been considered a failure in society but at least I had a roof over my head, a loving family, and food. Some people weren't even born with such privileges. That kid probably struggles to survive each day and I struggled to do a simple thing like study the damn books for my own future. The frown on my face deepened and I let out a soft tired sigh. I went back to the cashier and brought two more shawarmas.
It didn't take long to get to where the kid was. As I slowly closed the distance between us, I noticed the kid was lost in thoughts and seemed to not hear my footsteps even when I was a few feet away from him.
"Hey, Kiddo." I whispered as softly as I could to gain the kid's attention. The kid quickly looked up, being caught off guard by my sudden voice. The kid's face was thin, I could see his cheekbones as a byproduct of starvation. His eyes were filled with confusion before the emotion was replaced with hunger when they laned on the shawarma in my hands. A soft sad smile formed on my face as I put the two shawarma in his lap.
"Here, want to take a bite?" the kid silently looked in confusion between me and the food before pointing at Himself, I rolled my eyes in amusement and took a seat beside him. I was right, the kid smelled pretty bad, but it was doable. I just had to ignore it. The kid meanwhile was staring at the food in his lap in astonishment." You... Are giving both of these to me?" he asked in disbelief.
I chuckled to myself, this was probably a golden day for him. "yeah kiddo, eat up. I am fine with one" I said as I showed him my own shawarma.
The kid didn't waste any time after my confirmation and bite into the fast food. I watched how he savored the taste and flavor; I could swear to see some tears in his eyes. It's funny to see someone cherish something so great when others took it for granted. I took a bite of my own thing and stared up at the sky. I could still hear kid's mooching beside me. I could feel some gazes on me, some people looked at me in surprise, shock even. Some smiled and some just threw in some dirty, disgusted look. Since they didn't know me personally, I didn't care much about what they thought of me.
"Gulp-Whg-chew- "the kid probably wanted to say something, but couldn't with all that food in his mouth. Now that I took a look, he was halfway finished with the first shawarma. I whistled to myself, the kid was fast.
"Why…?" finally he managed to make it out and ask his question. I simply looked at his direction, he probably mistook my look for confusion and tried to ask again. "Why give me this? Why do this? "
"Why you ask?" the kid nodded "Well… why not?" the kid blinked.
"Do I need to have a reason to help someone in need? You looked like you were starving and I had an opportunity to help you out and I did, that is all there is to it." I said as I took a bite of my own. I really didn't think much about it, I just felt like buying the kid stuff. It was a much better use of the money than wasting it on something like a novel or in-game cosmetics that would only bring a few minutes of happiness.
The kid looked surprised at my response and looked at the remaining food in his lap with a throughfall expression on his face before a small smile blossomed on his lips. It was a weirdly mature expression for someone so young.
I sighed tiredly and rubbed my eyes.
"You don't look well, Mister. Are you ok?"
Was I that obvious?
"Yeah, just some stuff I thinking about"
"Do you want to talk about it? "I glanced at the kid beside me in wonder, the kid showed a small embarrassment smile." I mean, my Ma used to say that, the best way to ger ride of bad thoughts was to talk to someone about it and if you want to…I will listen to whatever is bothering you"
"It's just a stupid situation I got myself into…" I felt embarrassed to even talk to anybody about this. Still, having someone to lend me an ear felt… Nice. I glanced at the kid, contemplating to myself. In the end, I sighed to myself. He didn't know me anyway so why the hell not?
"You know How society works? You go to school, then university, and then get a job and so on. Well…" I bit my lips "Well, let's just say I failed an important test and now here I am, trying to learn how to make a living for myself. Those tests… They cost a lot to attend to… I don't think I will get another chance without having my family spend all their savings again and to be honest? I don't want them to either. I already blow my chances…"
"Why did you fail in the first place?"
Hearing him ask the question with such innocence, a humorless, self-deprecating laugh found its way out of my mouth.
"How else could a lazy, hopeless shut-in fail? I wasted my time on useless things instead of studying." I laughed and felt wetness in my eyes.
My mother was not the best. I was a pretty emotional kid from the very beginning. When my parents divorced, I spent the better half of my childhood with my mom before my dad took me away. Those weren't pretty days. The whole experience I had with her… I didn't tell this anyone, but I took it bad… Real bad. Folks in here like to socialize a lot, so it was not a surprise how my father's side of the family was always hell bend on making me socialize with others but I just couldn't. I couldn't talk with other kids without stuttering and turning into a nervous wreck. I lacked the courage to talk to someone without being scared of some sort of oppression and because of that, I ended up with zero social skills. Because of my mother's 'upbringing', I was a pushover by a nature. I instinctively froze up when someone yelled at me, because of my inability to express my emotions lots of kids found me boring and avoided me even without me trying to make a contact with them. Some made fun of me being a 'weirdo'. I developed a fear of meeting and talking to new people, so I spent the better half of my free time locked up in the room. I could have asked for help from my dad or grandma on this subject, but I didn't because I was embarrassed to talk about my insecurities. My Mom raised me to be a 'man' and man 'weren't emotional little girls' as she kindly put it. Because of that, I developed this… Inability to express my emotions without cringing to my core.
I felt 'safe 'from any sort of discomfort by simply staying in my room, reading fiction like web novels, comics, and so on. Those were my comfort zone. Reading fiction helped me forget my boring stupid life and allowed me to visit the 'worlds 'of fiction characters and follow them on their journey. I was there when they were born, I was there when they formed their first friendship, I was there when they faced countless hellish struggles that tested their humanity on their way to the final confrontation with the villain. I could feel all kinds of emotions reading manga, comics, and novels that I couldn't feel in real life. Sometimes I shared their anger, sometimes I cried like a bitch, sometimes I envied their happy lives. The saying "escape to the other worlds through the fiction "hit its true meaning with me. So much so that I forgot about my real life and before I knew it, I became a social outcast. Shortly after that I became addicted to novels and forgot about school and subjects altogether. Which brings us today.
"I am a failure… That is all there is to it." I whispered.
"…Do you really think that?"
"Is that so." The kid looked up at the sky. His eyes lingered on the passing clouds for a little while before he closed them in content and smiled at the mysterious thoughts in his mind. "What would you do if you got another chance?"
I blinked and looked at him confused.
"Like, Another chance at life? "
"Yes. Another chance to start over. To live a new life from the scratch."
Yeah, that did sound nice. After all, one of my favorite genres in novels was a regression. I think my situation is pretty explanatory as to why. If I could go back in time…Well, changing myself would be hard, but… I am sure I would try my best to get a better outcome than what I got now.
"That does sound nice, but sadly it is only wishful thinking."
"Maybe, but you never know. Either way, take it as my gratitude for this delicious meal"
'What?" I looked at him puzzled at what he meant, but the kid simply just kept smiling and went back to eating.
I wanted to ask him what he meant but I remembered something.
'Shit, the bus!'
I looked down on my phone, the bus to my city would leave in 7 minutes! Without further thinking I jumped from the spot I sat at and grabbed my belongings.
"It was fun talking to you, kiddo, but I got to go! See you around!" I dashed towards the bus station, briefly catching the image of the smiling kid eating his shawarma and waving at me. It broke my heart That we would be parting like this, hopefully, we would meet someday again, if fate allowed it.
I made it to the bus station just in time to see the driver turning on the engine. Quickly buying the ticket for the ride, I jumped on board and took my seat as the bus drove away.
The space inside the bus was cramped and everyone sat closely next to each other. There was a woman in the front seats trying her best to shush her crying child whilst a dude, sitting next to her with an irritated expression, tried to distract himself with a phone. I could hear someone guy chewing on food behind me. It was annoying to hear his mooching, but it was doable to ignore. Luckily, I didn't have a partner sit next to me, so I sat alone next to the window. Yay for me.
The ride was silent, save for the kid's crying. I stared at the passing trees outside the window boringly.
It would take 25 minutes to get home, I had time to kill before then. My hand slowly reached into my pocket where my phone was. I have been trying to control my addiction to novels by not reading them these last few days, but…
'I got time to kill till I get home, it's ok to binge a few chapters till then… right?' I did stay away for a while, a little bit of fun wouldn't harm anyone.
I unlocked the screen of my phone. There should be few dozen chapters piled up, now that I took a time off.
1) Dead Planet Retribution.
Last updated: 2 days ago.
2) My little Vampire
Last updated: 5 days ago
3) Otherworldly conquest
Last updated: Month ago
I quickly found my favorite novels which have been updated a few times since I stopped reading, I clicked on the number 1 on the list and started reading the chapter where I left off.
['Mercer Knew something was up with her when Samantha casually walked in his room without knocking. She looked troubled, lost in thought…']
'Oh! I remember this part!'
I have been reading this novel for a few years now, the period between updates was long but the content was worth the wait. I remember reading this part before exams, things were getting really heat up between the Mc and the Love interest. For me, the guy who had no experience in a relationship, I had developed strong a linking to a good romance, although I never told that to anyone out of embarrassment.
['" I should have done this a long time ago "she whispered as she stared into the rarely confused eyes of Mercer. She took a step closer to the bed where Alex rested and slowly climbed up.
"What are you…"
"It hurt, seeing you with that woman. I tried to ignore it…" She cut him off as she slowly climbed on top of him.
" But, Not anymore. I won't run away from my feelings anymore." She declared with confidence. Before Alex could ask what she meant or was she doing, his trail of thoughts ended when she suddenly leaned forward and captured his lips.']
I grinned like an idiot behind my mask. It really was marveling to see the characters who started off as a teammate, who spend the better half of their time arguing and bickering with each other, finally hit off like this!
['The kiss was long and passionate; Mercer was caught by surprise by this sudden act that was so against her character. The confusion quickly faded away as he wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss. She moaned, welcoming his acceptance and leaned even more into his embrace']
"Hehehe…" I unconsciously let out a small fit of soft giggling. A few of the passengers stared at me weirdly, but I ignored them. The hot, smutty scene between my favorite characters made butterflies flutter in my stomach. I heard someone raises their voice in alarm at something, but I paid them no mind. I was fully immersed in the novel, so much so that, I didn't notice it when everything suddenly went blank.
The first thing I noticed after I woke up was how dizzy and heavy my mind felt. Then I felt something wet leaking from my nose and I could taste iron in my mouth. I could feel coldness in my right hand as I unconsciously grasped my fingers on the cold metal surface of the bus. I couldn't feel my left hand and the lower part of my body. Slowly, I opened my heavy eyes and everything was a blur. I could make out some silhouettes. It took some time, but eventually, my sight returned to me partly.
"Ahhh…" I could see the ground outside the window, but strangely enough, the ground was on top of the bus's deformed ceiling. I blinked few times before the realization hit me.
The bus hit something and now it was upside down somewhere in the woods. I got myself into the traffic incident.
"Gruhhhh… …" a painful cough found its way out of my throat. This was the first time I got into a situation Like this.
'I-Is it… because I read smut in public…?'
Several stupid questions clouded my already heavy mind in a weak attempt to distract myself from all of this, but it failed miserably when I looked around the bus.
'Oh, Oh God'
Several passengers were in very bad shape. I could see their limbs twisted in different ways, some of the bones pocking out of the flesh. The unlucky guy who was mooching on food behind me a moment ago laid in a fetal unnatural position, he had a huge gash on his face that showed the white of his skull. The blood was everywhere on his face.
I have seen several gory movies in the past, I never had an awful reaction to the gory scenes like other kids my age, mainly because I was used to gore from games and movies all over the place and some of the scenes were way more exaggerated than it would have been in real life, but it was this… This was real, this was real!
'Oh god!' The panic took control of my body as I started to freak out in my weekend state, but no matter how much I moved I was stuck in the place. Only feeling something akin to void in my stomach if that was the correct way to describe the feeling.
In shock and panic, I looked over myself to see why I couldn't move and my whole being froze.
'Ahh! Ahhh!' I wanted to scream and cry out for help, but I couldn't open my mouth because I was too weak. My left hand… It was a pile of mesh flesh stuck under the deformed metal under half of one of the chairs, I couldn't think of any way the best doctors of the universe could salvaging this thing. It was a mess! My bones, veins, and flesh stuck out of the metal in such a horrifying way that I wanted to scream and throw up, But I couldn't.
The cold realization that I lost my hand finally settled in my mind.
'N-no! Nooo!' Tears streamed down my face and I looked over the rest of what became of my body and as if the horror of losing my hand wasn't enough something else completely shattered my sanity.
My mouth fell agape in fear and horror. There was a thick branch of wood sticking out of my lower body. It must have turned my spine to shreds since I couldn't feel anything in my lower body. I was bleeding heavily with this thing coming out of my body.
'No… Please, no…'
I was going to die.
'Dad, somebody… Please save me…'
There was no way I was going to survive this.
'Dad…Daddy, Grandma, please…. I don't wanna die.'
Warm tears streamed down on my face as I coughed more blood.
'I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die…'
People say in your last moments the life you lived would flash in your eyes and they couldn't be more wrong. There was no flash, no dark tunnel with a white exit. Only blurry vision of the mess I was In and regrets.
I never did achieve anything other than reading novels and loving stories. This was how my existence would end. Without accomplishing anything and leaving something meaningful behind. The waste that I made of my life slowly flashed in my eyes. Huh, I guess they were right after all…
My Grandma would freak. I could already see how devastated she would be with my death.
I shouldn't have yelled at her like that this morning, I shouldn't have been such an asshole to her. She just wanted what was the best for me.
'I am sorry, Grandma, I am sorry for being like this…'
I didn't want her last memory of me to be the moment from this morning.
'I never said it out loud, but I love you, I am sorry…'
I am sorry you couldn't get a better grandson.
'Dad, Oh god Dad…'
How would he take this? He sent me off with a smile, expecting to see me home by evening and now…
'I am sorry.'
My Dad never shows it, but he is really emotional. He loves me, despite being the failure I am. I can feel it. His life was already tarnished by Mom and now this, this will end him. He… He may even commit suicide.
'Please, god don't let that happen.'
Grandma… Grandma will be will there for him.
' I am sorry Dad, I love and please don't do anything stupid…'
Ah, the vision is getting blurry again. The pain is slowly fading away…
I wanted to do so many things… So many stories I wanted to finish, so many new games I wanted to try out. Now I was going to die without know the end to these fictions.
White dots started dancing in my eyes as my mind slowly descended into darkness. It was relaxing and uplifting.
'Sorry…For not...being…. Good…Eno..ugh…'
The darkness was infinite, as it was…. Peaceful.
It hurts so, much…!
The sudden feeling of massive headache hit me like a train. My head felt like it was going to explode. The raw hot feeling was traveling from my brain to my whole body. It was almost unbearable, the white dots appeared in my vision once again as I slowly regained feeling in my body. My hands were clutching my head desperately as the sound of loud banging kept echoing in my ears.
'W-What is happening?'
"-Are you alright?"
"-Does he look alright?! Go call Ms. Spencer Now!"
'Who is talking…?'
"-I don't know what happened. One minute he is there taking pictures and then I found him like this!"
"-Alright kids, make a way."
Slowly the darkness dissolved and Blurry vision returned.
"-Son, are you ok? Look at me, kid."
Someone is talking to me; someone is shaking my shoulder. The blurry vision in my eyes was getting better; I could make out some silhouette surrounding me as they slowly gained human features.
I blinked few times. The feeling of wanting to throw up still remained, but my vision was cleared up. I could see some kids(?) looking at me, some in worry and some in annoyance. I looked around the place I found myself in, it looked unfamiliar, alien to me. it looked so damn futuristic…
"Peter look at me, son. "
I kept hearing someone calling out for this Peter guy. He must be a foreigner since it wasn't my country's native name- Wait…
'Didn't I crash? I should-'
I felt someone grab my shoulders again and the rough face of a man in his middle age with a glass showed his face in my field of view. He was looking at me in the eyes, with concern. I got even more confused.
"Peter, the help is on the way. Just take a deep breath and relax, don't move."
'Is he… Is he talking to me?'
"Pete, how are you, man? "
I blinked and noticed a kneeling kid next to me. I didn't know this guy, but the way he looked so worried at me made double check my memories and then… I remembered My last moments of death.
"Let him have some space, Mr. Osborn. "
"Y-Yeah, I am just worried."
I was dying… I was bleeding… My arm, my arm was gone.
"M-Ms. Spencer? What's happening to him.
Why is my arm there? It was crashed, I saw it…
"He is having a panic attack, Son breath! Breath!"
"Jeez, so much trouble for this loser, he's probably faking it to get out of this Boring field trip anyway!"
"Shut up Flash and Help!"
'I had a hole in my body! I was dying I am sure! So why?!'
I felt a hand grabbing me and I Lost it.
"Let go of me!"
I used the time they got caught off guard and stood up and run away. My mind was a mess, I was confused, angry, and scared. Where was I? why was I still alive? How is my body whole again?!
Thousand upon thousand questions flood my mind.
"Grab him and hold him down!"
Someone tackled me and slammed me on the ground. I was panicking and panting. I could feel My heart beating furiously.
"Peter, calm down!"
"Give him some space!"
'Why are they calling me that!? Who are they?! Where am I!? Who the hell is Peter!?'
In my moments of hysteria, dread, and dismay I caught the sight of the panicked, pale, sweating messy face of a teenager reflected on the clean surface of the floor.
It didn't take me long to realize that somehow, this face belonged to me. I stared at the floor in shock and the kid in the reflection stared at me back mouth agape as well.
'This was not my face…. This was not my face!'
Before I could scream in terror, my mind went blank and the years' worth of memories and knowledge flooded my mind…