Welcome back! How long has it been? Seven months since the last chapter, a year and 3 months since the last episode. Uh, whoops? Anyways, a bit of a longer beginning author's note here before we begin.

Here's a reminder that, in this timeline, the Oregairu Shin novels didn't happen. I figured, with the new OVA that came out, I should point that out. Check Episode 1 author's note for my reasoning.

In addition, I have included some lines of dialogue from the Light Novels. Not a lot, mind you, but a little. Do note, however, that I'm mostly using the anime as the basis. Therefore, I'm not going to try to squeeze cut scenes into the reactions if it doesn't flow well with the anime. In addition, if there is a scene that I think is good, but doesn't really flow well with the episode, then I might move it to a later episode. If you have a problem with that, well, sorry. It's a lot of work to do otherwise, and I like the way the anime did things for the most part.

Thank you to WhenItCOUNTS who gave me the Mediafire link to the LNs! Definitely much easier than my previous method. I appreciate it a lot!

As its been a while, I figured I'd post the new seating chart!

Empty Empty Empty Haruno Shiromeguri Empty

Orimoto Miura Hayama Tobe Ebina Kawasaki

Empty Empty Tsurumi Hiratsuka Zaimokuza Totsuka

Empty Isshiki Komachi Hachiman Yukinoshita Yuigahama

Screen

Finally, I do not own Oregairu or any of its characters or content. Now, enjoy the episode!

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Watching My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Terrible, As Expected

Episode 04

I slowly opened my eyes.

Huh… that's a big screen. Did I sleep in a movie theater or something? That doesn't sound like something I'd do.

Right then, my memories came back to me. We were kidnapped by some god and forced to watch my experiences. Then we took a break to sleep, but due to the arrival of… who? Oh right, RumiRumi. Anyways, due to her arrival, I decided to sleep in the theater. However, the others also decided to join me, for some reason.

Speaking of which, why do my shoulders feel heavier than they should be? I twisted my head to the right and saw that Komachi was resting her head on my shoulder. Ah, how adorable. When was the last time I was able to lay my eyes on such a sight? It's been too long!

…Er, wait, my left shoulder also feels heavy? I slowly turned my head to the left, only to be greeted by a flurry of raven-black hair. What is this?

At that moment, the hair somehow moved and shifted itself. Immediately, I knew who was on my shoulder. And that caused my face to rapidly heat up. I forcefully kept my mouth shut, because I'm not gonna scream, dammit!

…Well, I can't really do anything. Trying to move both Komachi and Yukinoshita's heads would risk waking them up. Besides, why would I want to move away from heaven?

I sat in my chair, unmoving. I stared at Yukinoshita's very pret- normal looking hair for a moment, before focusing on the screen in front of me. It remained blank, just as it was when we first sat in these chairs.

I don't know how long I sat there, but before long, I felt Komachi's head moving.

She let out a yawn and slowly opened her eyes. "Oh… morning onii-chan…"

"Morning." Does the passage of time even exist here? Somehow, I doubt it.

Komachi rubbed her eyes and drifted her focus to my other shoulder, before freezing abruptly. She stared back and forth between there and myself. Then she smirked, her sleepiness completely gone.

"Wow onii-chan! I'm so proud of you!"

I rolled my eyes. "Not so loud. You'll probably wake her up."

That only caused Komachi to squeal. Sigh. I can't really blame her, considering I felt like squealing myself. Oh well, I suppose Yukinoshita will probably wake up any minute now.

"Mmm… comfy…"

Eh? Komachi and I slowly turned to face the lump of hair with surprise. D-Did she just… say that…?

That was so adorable! But I also fear for my life if she ever realized what she said! Though, it's also possible that she gets too embarrassed to do anything. Either way, it was worth it! I can die a happy man now!

"Psst! Onii-chan!" Komachi whispered into my ear. "You can't let her go!"

I raised an eyebrow. Is she referring to making sure she stays on my shoulder, or making her stay as my partner? One of them is impossible, while the other is something I will do everything in my power to accomplish.

Suddenly, I heard Yukinoshita yawn. Looks like she's about to wake up.

She slowly lifted her head off my shoulder and opened her eyes. "Mmm?" She seemed to express confusion for a moment, before realization struck her. "Ah… good morning, Hikigaya-kun."

"Morning." I will not mention her sleeping on my shoulder. I will not mention her sleeping on my shoulder. Why did I repeat that?

Yukinoshita turned her head the other way, towards where Yuigahama was sleeping. Then she turned back to me with a mildly concerned expression.

"Um… Yuigahama-san appears to be using my shoulder as a pillow," she stated.

"Hah?" I leaned over in my chair and… yup, Yuigahama was doing the exact same thing Yukinoshita was doing. Now I'm curious what we all would have looked like from an outside observer.

At that moment, Yuigahama yawned. Well, isn't that convenient? I wonder if the voice made us wake up at the same time. The pink haired girl raised her head off her shoulder and rubbed an eye. "Eh… It's Yukinon..."

"Good morning Yuigahama-san."

That seemed to snap Yuigahama awake. "AHH! I thought I was still dreaming!"

I will ignore the implications of that statement and move on. "Morning, Yuigahama," I called out.

"Ehh?! Hikki too?!" Looks like someone hasn't recovered their memories. "Ooh! I forgot we had a sleepover in a movie theater!" …Technically not wrong, I guess?

Oh, that reminds me. I looked behind my seat to check on Tsurumi. To my faint surprise, she was already awake, glaring at Yuigahama. Did her shouting wake RumiRumi up?

"Good morning!" I heard Isshiki exclaim. Huh, she's awake. And really energetic for some reason.

"Good morning, Iroha-chan!" Komachi exclaimed back. Why are they being so loud? They literally sit next to each other.

"May you two decrease your volume?" Yukinoshita asked with a sigh. "As we have just woken up, I would prefer to avoid anything too loud."

"Oops! Sorry, Yuki-nee!" Komachi apologized with her head bowed. "I just suddenly feel really energized!"

"Well, I'm not looking forward to whatever the voice decides to show next," I commented. "The thought of that makes me feel the opposite of energized."

"Oh… right…" Komachi trailed off with a downtrodden tone. Wait, I didn't mean for that to happen! Don't make that sad face! As if she heard my thoughts, her expression became joyful again. "I bet Onii-chan will do something stupid!"

"Oi! That's very low on Komachi points!"

"Ehh?! Please forgive your silly sister for her actions!" Komachi quickly bowed her head again. Damn it, that's too cute!

I smiled lightly and gave her a head pat. "Okay." I really am weak to younger sisters, huh…

…somehow, I don't think that sentence came out right. At least no one else heard it.

Hello!

I jumped in surprise. Why the hell did the voice decide now to speak up?! I was not alone in that thought, as I heard the girls next to me groan in frustration.

At the moment, I'm only talking to you six in the theater. The others will be waking up soon, so the show can continue very soon!

How about you take us back home and stop violating my privacy? That would be great, thanks. Of course, I didn't say that outloud. What would be the point? The voice would dismiss it like every other protest I've had.

Anyways, I'm just here to warn you that I'll be taking away those blankets and pillows you have on you. Don't worry, they'll be back in your rooms safe and sound!

If you're wondering why, well, I just felt like it! Hehehe~!

"That's a really dumb reason!" Tsurumi unexpectedly shouted. She had stood up from her seat and glared at the… ceiling? "...And I don't get why I'm here…"

That's a good point. While I had my own theories, I didn't actually have an answer. But considering this was a god…

Ah, what a great question! Why did I bring you, a grade schooler, to this theater? The answer is that I simply felt like it. The more people that see the life of Hachiman Hikigaya, the better!

For some reason, those words sent chills down my spine. You're telling me that some god decided to violate my privacy and take people from their daily lives, all to watch some stupid show, because they wanted to?

Because the voice wanted to?

That made me angry. And, unlike before, I had the urge to do something about it. I clenched my fist and finally spoke up. "What the hell is your deal? What's so special about my own life that you felt taking everyone I knew?" I raised my voice. "I'm proud of my own life, but it's nothing out of the ordinary! Why couldn't you just do something like this to some poor soul who got isekaied instead?! I'm sure that story would have been much more interesting!"

By the end, I was standing up in front of my seat. The blanket that was on my lap had fallen to the floor. Right when I realized that, however, my anger started to fade away. I was not planning on saying all of that. I guess I had a lot of repressed anger. Who could blame me for it though? With that said, I felt pretty embarrassed. I wonder if Yukinoshita thought that was creepy…

…Huh. I was wondering when you'd speak up. Took a bit longer than I expected. Though, I wasn't expecting those words specifically! Oh, how interesting!

I shivered at those words, but I remained standing. Obviously, I had no idea where the voice resided, so I elected to glare at the theater screen.

Around me, the girls looked at me worriedly. I couldn't really blame them. The tone in my voice was probably unrecognizable. When did I ever shout at someone in anger?

Well, perhaps I'll get a little more serious. But do note, Hachiman, that I am only talking to you now. The others next to you will not hear this conversation. After all, you're the star of the show!

I remained silent. I couldn't help but wonder why the voice wanted to keep this private. Uh oh, am I about to be threatened?

As you are now aware, the multiverse is real! Countless realities exist, many of which include yourself! Some of them are… quite interesting. Imagine a reality where you were isekaied!

…That sounds awful. Why the hell would I want that? Well, I suppose my middle school self would have instantly jumped at the chance to be isekaied. Thankfully, that delusion is long gone. I think.

How is this relevant? You may be wondering that. Well, allow me to monologue for a bit. I hope you don't mind!

I am not the only god or god-like thing. That shouldn't be too surprising, but I figured I would make that clear! Anyways, as there are plenty of realities with you, there are also plenty in which you are not there. Instead, a different person is the protagonist!

The wording of that sentence did not go past me. "What the hell do you mean by 'A different person is the protagonist?' Are you implying that I'm somehow the protagonist of my world?"

The girls jumped in surprise at my words. After all, as the voice was speaking only to Hachiman, they had no idea that a conversation was going on.

"U-Um, Yukinon… What is Hikki saying?" Yuigahama nervously asked her seatmate.

Yukinoshita glanced at Hachiman with concern. "I… am admittedly unsure."

Komachi looked worriedly at Hachiman. "Onii-chan, what are you doing…?"

"Senpai is saying something stupid again…" Despite her words, Isshiki was also concerned, especially due to the tone in his words.

Not… quite. After all, you are correct that your life is ordinary. It has its quirks, alright, but nothing supernatural or absurd. I think that has its own charm! But no, you are not the "protagonist of your world," as you called it. As a matter of fact, your world is quite unique in that there is no protagonist!

Well, that's a relief.

However, there are certain worlds that do have "protagonists." In fact, the entire world revolves around these people. They also aren't immune to the powers we have. Actually, I know several god-like creatures like me who have done the exact same thing I have done!

Sure, they had different intentions! One of them wanted to help the protagonist before they were crushed by their traumas, another fell in love with the protagonist and felt like spreading that love to others. There were others who had more nefarious intentions, but I usually avoid those ones anyways.

However, I have no intentions like that. I was simply bored. And I've never been one for "protagonists." You… are far more interesting, Hachiman!

"..." I didn't know what to say. But it confirmed that this voice or god truly did this because they were bored. That bothered me a lot. What could I do about that though? In essence, this voice just dismissed me. I was nothing special, and the voice confirmed it.

Wait, but if I'm the main character on a TV show, doesn't that make me a protagonist? Maybe the voice uses a weird definition of "protagonist?" Okay, I'm going to stop thinking about it, it's giving me a headache.

However, I am not cruel. At least, I think so! So I will apologize for what I've done. But, the show will continue! That will not change.

So don't even try. And I'm sure you're aware that resisting me is futile. That's the end of our conversation, Hachiman Hikigaya.

I waited to see if the voice would say anything else, but nothing came out. I sighed and sat back down with frustration. They were absolutely right. How could I hope to resist a god-like being?

…I'm changing the subject. This is depressing me too much.

The idea that "protagonists" actually exist is an idea that bothers me, but isn't too surprising in hindsight. I'm just glad my world apparently doesn't have one, and that I'm not one. I sure hope my other selves don't have to suffer that fate! Though, if I was isekaied, as the voice claimed, then it's probably an unavoidable fate. Not guaranteed, as multiple people could be isekaied, but it's likely.

"U-Um… Onii-chan?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Komachi. I glanced at her, only to see a worried expression on her face. Oh crap, she and the others must be so confused right now.

"I-"

Whoopsie! I forgot to take away those blankets and pillows! I apologize for my tardiness!

The voice interrupted me before I could get anything else out. I glared at the screen again. At the same time, the blanket on the floor started to fade away. No, seriously. It was literally vanishing in front of my eyes!

"Ehh?!" Yuigahama and Iroha shouted at the same time. "M-My blanket!"

Yukinoshita was also shocked to see her items vanishing, but she didn't say a word. Her mind was more focused on what Hachiman had said a moment ago. She quickly deduced that he had a conversation with the voice, though the subject was still a mystery. I am not too familiar with the multiverse theory, but I suspect the conversation involved it.

Within a few seconds, all of the pillows and blankets had disappeared. I still don't get why the voice thought that was necessary, but I realized that there was no point in trying to find an answer. It was probably some stupid reason.

Unfazed by the disappearing blankets, Komachi opened her mouth to ask about her brother's conversation, but she never got the chance.

"Oh? You guys are already here?"

Oh, they're already awake? I turned around and saw Hiratsuka standing behind the top row of seats. I didn't see anyone else yet, but I assumed they would likely be arriving very soon.

"Good morning, Hiratsuka-sensei!" Isshiki exclaimed with a wave.

"Morning, Isshiki." The teacher walked down the aisle, before stopping at her row. "Oh? I wasn't aware we had a new arrival."

Tsurumi stared at Hiratsuka with narrowed eyes, before they widened. "Aren't you… the one who brought Hachiman to that summer camp?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting you here!" Hiratsuka took a seat next to the girl, rubbing her hair. "Aw, you look so adorable!"

Tsurumi didn't try to move away, but she was glaring at the teacher. "I don't even know your name!"

That made Hiratsuka freeze for a moment. "O-Oh… it's Shizuka Hiratsuka. But you can call me Shizuka-chan if you want!"

Tsurumi narrowed her eyes, before shaking her head. "No thanks. I think I'll just do Hiratsuka for now. But thank you for offering."

For some reason, that made Hiratsuka feel like she had been defeated. "O-Okay then…"

The others and I watched the interaction. Wow, RumiRumi really did that. You know… I feel like if Hiratsuka asked me that same question and I refused, I would have been brutally beaten up. Would that happen if I was a girl? Probably not, but I can't say for sure.

I suddenly saw Hiratsuka swiftly move her attention to me. "Hikigaya, I have a feeling you were thinking something stupid. Can you confirm that for me?"

Esper! Esper! Voice-sama, I'm sure she has had a much more interesting life than me! Violate her privacy rights instead! "No ma'am. I had no such thoughts."

Hiratsuka narrowed her eyes. "I don't like that tone of yours. But since Rumi-chan is here, I'll abstain from giving you your punishment."

Thank you for your mercy! I will not forget this!

As I was about to turn around again, I started hearing more voices. Looks like the others have woken up. Ugh, that means the show will probably continue soon. Woo.

The first group to show up was Hayama's clique. Leading the group was… Kawasomething? Wait, I thought she wasn't in the clique? Don't tell me a loner has been ensnared by Hayama's good looks?!

"Saki-saki! I missed you so much!"

Pestering the blue-haired girl was Ebina. Kawasomething seemed to look irritated. If I had to deal with Ebina's declarations of love for yaoi, I would probably have the exact same look. I'm rooting for you, Kawasomething!

…You know, maybe I should actually remember her name. I'll just have to hope that I don't have to call out her name during the viewing and pray that the name gets revealed during an episode.

After Ebina was Tobe and Hayama, who seemed to be talking about something. I didn't know what, since I was too far away, but it's probably some normie thing I could care less about.

Following them was Miura and… Orimoto? Huh, I knew that she switched seats, but I'm surprised that they're getting along. That… makes me a little happy. What? Even I felt bad for her when she sat all by herself in that corner!

The six of them sat in the same spots they did for the previous episodes. I mean, that's not that surprising. There hasn't been a reason to change seats yet.

Shortly after they sat down (and seemed to ignore us), the silver haired blob and ang- guy entered the theater as well.

"O-Oh! Hello Yui! And Hachiman!" Totsuka waved at both of us. Thank you for not ignoring us! Oh, you fill my heart with joy! E-Er, please forget that. It'll be some time before I can purge those kinds of thoughts completely.

"Ah, Hachiman! It is an excellent day to greet my rival!" Zaimokuza declared dramatically. "I cannot wait to see what endeavors you embark on for today's episode!"

"...Sure," I absentmindedly responded. Look, nothing against Zaimokuza, but sometimes he makes me want to look away in second-hand embarrassment.

Zaimokuza moved to take the same seat as yesterday, but froze when he noticed Tsurumi sitting in it. "...U-Um, who is t-this child?"

The child in question stared at the chuunibyou for a moment. "...You're annoying."

"G-Gah! An unexpected attack!" Zaimokuza grabbed his chest. I rolled my eyes at his exaggeration. "D-Did our glorious Voice-sama summon an enemy to eliminate me?!"

I sighed. "No, Zaimokuza. That's Tsurumi Rumi. Apparently, the voice decided it would be a good idea to bring them here."

"A-Ah." Zaimokuza went silent. "...W-Will I need to sit next to her?"

Tsurumi seemed repulsed by the idea. "No way! I don't wanna sit next to this… guy!"

Zaimokuza dramatically grabbed his chest again. I sighed again. I can't really blame RumiRumi for being so disgusted. Though, in all honesty, I actually feel kinda bad for him. I'd be half-tempted to try sitting next to him, but the voice is weirdly insistent on me sitting here. I'm not sure why though, it's not like sitting somewhere else will change the fact that I'm witnessing my own life.

Also, Komachi and Yukinoshita being my seatmates is an arrangement I'm happy with! Why would anyone want to run away from this?!

"Don't worry about it," Hiratsuka spoke up. "Rumi-chan, do you mind if we switch seats?"

Tsurumi turned to face the teacher for a moment, before meeting with my eyes. Eh? What do I have to do with this? "Mmm… okay."

Hiratsuka nodded, then turned to Totsuka. "Do you also mind moving to the end of the row? Heh, I realized I should have asked that earlier. My bad."

"O-Oh! It's no problem, sensei!"

With that settled, Hiratsuka and RumiRumi switched seats, and the two white-haired teens were sitting one seat over compared to yesterday. Weirdly enough, I swore I saw a hint of disappointment in Tsurumi's eyes. Wonder what that's about?

As this interaction was ongoing, the final two people took their seats in the top row. Both of them looked over the theater.

"My my, everyone seems quite energetic!" Haruno giggled. She, too, was quite excited. Seeing a glimpse into the machinations of Hachiman's mind was something that had interested her greatly. She was rewarded earlier, but she desired more.

Shiromeguri, on the other hand, had a concerned expression. "I-I'm glad everyone's excited. But… I don't like how we're seeing Hikigaya-kun's life without his permission. It feels rude, you know?"

Haruno glanced at Shiromeguri, a neutral expression on her face. "You know, Meguri, I know where you're coming from. It's unfortunate, but I think our overlord isn't going to let us get away with avoiding this. So, we should enjoy ourselves!"

Shiromeguri sighed. "Yeah, I know…"

Haruno returned her focus to the people in front of her. Truly, she wasn't minding this as much as some of the others. Hachiman was someone that had kept her interest for a year, something that very few others have been able to accomplish. She was particularly interested in seeing his thoughts during their first meeting.

Back in the first row, I absentmindedly noticed the two senpais taking their seats on the top row. Pretty sure that means everyone's here. I just gotta wait for the voice to start the stupid show.

"Oh? Is that Tsurumi?" I heard Miura ask suddenly. She leaned forwards in her seat. I'm a little surprised she remembered her name. "Nice to see you again!"

Tsurumi jumped in her seat and turned around in surprise. "...I recognize you."

That made Miura grin. "I'm Yumiko Miura! I'm impressed you remember me!"

"...You're welcome." Tsurumi didn't know what else to say.

"Say, what if-" Miura opened her mouth to say something, but then she stopped herself. "Never mind, all of the seats here are taken…"

Was she about to suggest moving RumiRumi to her row? I highly doubt she would have said yes. Honestly, if the two seats next to me weren't already occupied, I suspected that she would have tried to steal one of them.

Excellent! Everyone has arrived!

All chatter in the theater came to a screeching halt with the arrival of the voice. It was actually impressive how quickly the theater became silent.

I can tell you're all angry at me! Well, most of you, at least! Anyways, I think it's time we get onto the next episode! It's been a while, after all!

It's only been several hours, which isn't "a while." Hell, the rest of my life still wouldn't be long enough!

Enjoy the show!

The screen turned on, fading into a familiar scene.

(A/N: As Crunchyroll took down their official sub, I'm using a different site. I can't tell if it's the official one or not, but I tried multiple sites and this one seemed to be the most… Oregairu-like. I apologize in advance if there are any errors.)

The scene opens to a clock hung on a wall. It quickly switches to show a girl eating a jelly sandwich, who was laying on the living room couch while reading a magazine.

Oh, looks like Komachi's finally being introduced. Frankly, I'm disappointed in whoever made this show for taking so long. She should have been in the first episode!

"Yay! I'm finally here!" Komachi cheered, raising her arms into the air.

Next to her, Isshiki pouted. "I still haven't been introduced… Senpai is really rude…"

"Oi. I don't control who shows up," I retorted. "Otherwise, Komachi would have been in the first episode!"

"Um… What's this about?" Tsurumi asked. Wait, no one told her? Oh, right, Yukinoshita told her we were watching "someone's" life. I guess she doesn't know yet.

Hiratsuka seemed a little surprised. "No one told you?"

Tsurumi shook her head. Then she glared at me, though I wasn't sure why.

Hachiman enters the living / kitchen room with a yawn.

"Oh? Is this your house, Hikigaya-kun?" Shiromeguri called out from the top row.

"Yup," I replied, not turning around. I hope I was loud enough for her to hear me.

Tsurumi looked at the screen, then at me with surprise. "Are you… the person we are watching?"

"Yup," I replied. Unfortunately.

"Using the same reply two times in a row, Hikigaya-kun? My, someone is lazy," Yukinoshita cut in.

Without looking at her, I replied, "There's no point in switching it up. Why waste energy thinking of something else to say?" It doesn't help that I'm not really in the mood to watch this. Though, I am, admittedly, mildly curious what this episode is about. Hopefully it's not something embarrassing…

"Wow," Komachi spoke. Curious, Hachiman walked up to see what she was reading.

"This article looks like it was written for first-graders." The camera panned over a magazine page about girls and guys. "Don't tell me you're seeing things at their level."

"Looks lame," Tsurumi deadpanned. Yikes, even my assumption of that article being for first-graders was off. Then again, you can hardly call Tsurumi an ordinary…. Actually, uh, what grade is she in? She's way beyond a first-grader, isn't she?

Komachi turned around in shock, then looked at me with teary eyes. "Onii-chan! You can't insult my readings! And I don't want to hear those words from a first-grader herself!" She dramatically pointed at Tsurumi.

"What rice-chan said!" Isshiki exclaimed, without pointing. "You can't just insult our livelihoods like that!

"It just means she has good taste," I replied with a smirk. That only made my sister and Isshiki pout, but I had already looked away. If I looked at them for too long, I'd have the uncontrollable urge to apologize, and I don't want to do that!

"I'm not a first grader!" Tsurumi yelled back. "You stupid…" she trailed off with furrowed eyebrows. Wait, are you trying to think of an insult? Sorry RumiRumi, you need to level up to access that ability!

"Don't worry, Komachi-chan, Iroha-chan!" Yuigahama exclaimed suddenly. "I support whatever you're reading!"

"Yay!" Komachi exclaimed back, her "anger" forgotten. Now I don't have to deal with it anymore, so thanks, Yuigahama.

"Yo. Look at the time."

Komachi looks at the clock and sits up straight. "Oh, shoot!" She quickly eats her sandwich and jumps up.

"Wipe your mouth first," Hachiman says as he sits down at the kitchen table.

"Huh? Is it jammed?" Komachi asks as she starts to take off her shirt.

No one better be looking! No one better be looking! No one better be looking!

Thankfully, it seemed like no one was focused on my sister's state of clothing. I'm not sure what I would have done if Tobe said something…

"Is your mouth a machine pistol? That's not how you used 'jammed.'"

"Sometimes the stuff you say doesn't make sense," Komachi says, changing out of her clothes.

"It made sense to me?" Shiromeguri mumbled to herself.

"No, the stuff you-" Hachiman is cut off by her sister's clothes landing on his face.

"Take care of those for me, 'kay?" Komachi says as she runs to her room.

So this is how Hikigaya interacts with his sister, Hayama thought, briefly glancing at the two below him. I already knew they got along very well. But seeing how they interact in private…

Behind him, Haruno watched the screen with glinted eyes. Ooh~! A glimpse into Hikigaya-kun's private life! Though, compared to his thoughts, it's not that interesting. Oh well, I'm sure something will pop up. I haven't been disappointed yet!

"Little sisters are a strange thing," Hachiman thinks as he removes the clothes from his face. "No matter how cute they are, you don't feel anything for them." He stands up to clean up the table in the living room. "Their underwear is nothing but cloth. That's what real little sisters are like," he finishes, grimacing at the magazine from earlier.

Miura makes a disgusted expression. "For some reason, Hikio's words, like, creep me out."

Orimoto laughs. "Haha, I know what you mean."

"Hey, at least he's not a weirdo!" Tobe pointed out. "His taste in women is pretty good!"

That earned him a wordless glare from Miura. "Hey, let's all calm down," Hayama chimed in. "I don't think we need to argue about something like this."

"...Right," Miura turned back to the screen, arms crossed.

Orimoto looked at her seatmate with a neutral expression. Miura is pretty defensive, isn't she? Though, that guy's comment was sort of rude, so I get it.

Down on the first row, I was being subjected to a wordless glare by Yukinoshita. I raised an eyebrow at her behavior. It's not like I said anything wrong there. Eventually, she shifted her attention back to the screen.

Unfortunately, that was when Komachi attacked. "That sentence sounded kind of weird, Onii-chan…"

"What? I didn't say anything weird there," I replied.

"I know I know, but still!"

If you agree with me, then what's the point of speaking up then?

Hachiman walks outside with his school uniform, only to see Komachi waiting on his bike.

"Let's go!"

"Oh, god. Spare me." Hachiman sighs, before hopping onto the bike. Komachi clamps her arms around him.

"You two rode to school together?" Totsuka asked.

I looked at him and nodded. "Her school was on the way, so it was convenient." There was no way I would force my own sister to walk if she didn't have to! Oh, but by riding with me, she doesn't get as much exercise. Oh dear, what a predicament…

Komachi grinned and raised an arm into the air. "Onii-chan did a great job biking! Ah, that must have earned me a ton of Komachi points!"

"You know, I'm pretty impressed, Hikigaya," Hiratsuka cut in. "Riding a bike with someone holding on your back is no easy feat."

"Ho ho, as expected of Hachiman!" Zaimokuza declared with a smirk.

Eh? Is it really that impressive? Huh, I sounded a little humble there. Who would have thought? Anyways, I'd been doing that with Komachi a lot, so I guess I just got used to it.

"Thanks," I replied. It feels nice being complimented for once, even if I don't think it's entirely warranted. But I'll take it!

Yukinoshita opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. She wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to say. Yuigahama also intended to say something, but the others had beaten her to the punch.

"Don't get hit by a car today. I'm riding too, you know."

It was subtle, but the wording of that statement didn't go unnoticed. More specifically, Hayama and Haruno had caught onto it. The older Yukinoshita had already known about the car accident, so she simply dismissed it.

Hayama, on the other hand, perked up. I want to say that was a joke, but I have a feeling that Komachi-san might be referring to something else. Will we see more of Hikigaya-kun's past?

I had also caught it (I was there, duh), but I wasn't sure if the others did. Oh jeez, why do I have a feeling that the car accident is gonna be brought up soon? That's going to be annoying to deal with…

"So you're fine with it if I get hit when I'm alone?"

Komachi sighs. "Onii-chan, I just worry about you because sometimes you, like, totally space out." She suddenly grins. "Oh, that scores pretty high in my book!"

Yukinoshita smirks. "My, Hikigaya-kun, even your sister has noticed your empty-headedness."

Oi… that's cruel of you to say that, partner-san. You shouldn't be saying such things to the person you're dating, you knooowwwww?

"Don't worry, Onii-chan! Even if you space out, I'll still support you!" Komachi exclaimed. "Ah, that's even more points for me!"

Tsurumi looked back and forth between Komachi and I. "What does she mean by points?" she asks, cutting into the conversation.

"Ehh… I don't think I know either," Isshiki joined in, giving me a pout. "Senpai, why haven't you explained this?!"

I sighed. "You didn't ask." Which was fine by me, but I suppose I'll have to explain it now.

"Oh… teehee~" Isshiki playfully bonked her head. She pulls that move off pretty well, eh? Too bad that I don't care.

I rolled my eyes and focused my attention on RumiRumi. "Anyways, it's just a little game between me and Komachi. We 'claim points' if we say something nice about the other person. That's all." A gross simplification, but I'd rather not give more information than necessary.

"So… it's a sibling thing?"

I shrugged, turning to face the screen again. "I guess, though I haven't heard of anyone else doing it." The day Haruno and Yukinoshita start talking about "points" to each other is the day pigs fly.

Tsurumi nodded and put her attention back on the screen. She didn't have any siblings, but for some reason, the idea of doing something like that with Hachiman was… appealing.

Kawasaki overheard the conversation below, which got her thinking. I never thought of doing something with Taishi or Keika, but maybe I could start. Ah, but I feel like Taishi wouldn't be comfortable with that. Keika might jump for joy at that though, especially if I mention Hikigaya somehow.

Hachiman sweatdropped, before looking forward. "On the day I was supposed to start high school, I was involved in a car accident."

The atmosphere in the theater suddenly became much more serious.

Ah.

Shit.

When I said that I had a feeling this was going to be brought up soon, I didn't mean this soon! Where's the mystery factor?!

Next to me, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and Komachi tensed up. They remained silent, but it was obvious something was up.

In the back, Haruno's expression went neutral. Those that knew her well might have found that out of character, but that was not the case. After all, Hikigaya-kun was going to be her sister-in-law. It didn't help that it was her family's car that caused the accident.

Hayama sat up straight, his eyes gaining a glint in them. Hikigaya-kun was involved in a car accident? I wasn't aware of that…

No one said anything, as the theater wanted to know what happened.

The screen shows a scene of a younger Hachiman biking. "I was so excited to start high school, that I left home an hour early."

That got a small chuckle out of myself, but no one else found that funny. Eh, that's to be expected, considering the atmosphere right now. Still can't believe I got up that early for anything back then…

As he bikes, a girl and her dog are walking on the other side of the road. Suddenly, the dog escapes the girl's leash and chases a butterfly into the road.

Hachiman stops biking with concern on his face. At the same time, a black car speeds down the road. The dog stands in the middle of the road, not realizing the danger it's in. The car beeps, but the dog makes no move.

"Eeeeek!" Shiromeguri cries out. "Not the dog!"

"Please live, mysterious dog!" Tobe also cried out, holding his hands as if he were praying.

Next to him, Miura narrowed her eyes. Huh, that sort of looks like Yui's dog. She glanced at Yui, then Hachiman, before returning her focus to the screen. I wonder…?

Hachiman suddenly rushes forward, before the screen goes black with the sound of a car crashing into something. When the screen returns, the bike is laid on the ground with a single wheel spinning.

The theater went silent.

…

This is a little too quiet for my liking… I turned around, half worried that everyone behind me had mysteriously disappeared.

"Is he dead?!" Tobe shouted out, startling everyone. Uh, are you stupid? Oh wait, it's Tobe.

"Are you an idiot?!" Miura shouted back, standing up and glaring at the orange-haired idiot. "Hikio's down there!"

"Eep! Sorry, miss!"

And you!" She pointed at my face. "Are you an idiot?!"

I blinked in surprise. Me? An idiot?

"Why would you jump in the way to save a dog?!"

That's a great question, Miura. Maybe my body moved before I could even think? Er, I'm not a green-haired quirkless teenager, nor an edgy ninja kid, so that can't be it…

Or is it?

Ah, I'm not gonna think about it. I shrugged at Miura.

The blonde-haired girl stared at me in surprise. "You…" She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she didn't voice it. Instead, she sat back in her seat, arms crossed and looking grumpy. What's her deal?

Her clique and Orimoto stared at her in surprise. "Um… are you okay?" Orimoto asked.

"I'm fine," Miura replied unconvincingly. She idly tapped a finger on her elbow.

Orimoto sweatdropped. Yeah, right. Is she mad at Hikigaya? She glanced at the teenager in question. I wasn't expecting him to get into a car accident on the first day of high school. And all because he jumped to save a dog… I never thought he was like this. That's… kind of cool.

The scene changes again to Hachiman reading a light novel with bandages wrapped around his head. He is shown to be in a hospital. "As a result, I broke my leg and was hospitalized. That was the moment my life as a loner began."

The girls sitting in the front row all felt a pain in their hearts at that sight. Even I felt disturbed, and that's really saying something! Maybe it's seeing myself from a third-person perspective?

"Onii-chan, you better not get in a car accident again!" Komachi leaned into my seat, staring at me.

I leaned back slightly and raised an eyebrow. "Oi, that's not something I can control." I highly doubt I'll be the one at fault if that ever happened. If anything, the car would deliberately go after me!

Komachi pouted and looked away, crossing her arms. How cute.

The flashback ends and we are shown Hachiman walking his bike, with Komachi talking to him. "Oh, right. After the accident, the puppy's owner came by to thank you. She brought you snacks. They were really good!"

"I'm pretty sure I didn't get any snacks," Hachiman replies. That caused Komachi to freeze in place, before bonking her head playfully. "She pisses me off so much."

"Komachi-chan!" Yuigahama exclaimed, pouting at my sister.

Komachi uncrossed her arms and scratched her cheek. "Hehehe… sorry about that, Yui-san!" She put her hands together. "Please forgive me!"

The pink haired girl tried to look angry (and failed), before she giggled. "Hehe, it's alright! It's been a long time anyway!"

Little did those two know, their conversation confused much of the theater. "Um, what are you two talking about?" Isshiki questioned.

Komachi looked confused. "What do you- ohhh." She realized what she meant. You silly airheaded sister of mine. "Hehe, um… Onii-chan, you explain!"

"Oi? Why should I do it?" This is your responsibility! Actually, it would be Yuigahama's responsibility, but it would be really awkward for her to explain. Sigh, do I have to? "Fine."

Before I can get a word out of my mouth, Miura abruptly speaks up first. "Yui was the girl in that accident right?"

"Ehh?!" Shiromeguri widened her eyes. "How could you know that, Miura-san?!"

"Like I could forget what Yui's dog looked like," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "And, like, the way Hikio's sister acted was pretty suspicious."

Bravo, Miura. Now all she has left is to figure out who was in that car and she'll have the entire mystery solved!

Yuigahama sheepishly rubbed her head. "Hehe, yeah, that was me."

Isshiki widened her eyes. "So Yui-san and Senpai met on the first day?"

"Erm, not really? Hikki didn't see who I was…"

Isshiki blinked, then glared at me. "How did you not see her?!"

"Why the hell would I be focused on Yuigahama?" I retorted with some frustration. "I was a bit busy focusing on saving her dog." Oops, I put a little too much bite in there. Oh well, it was a stupid question anyways.

Yukinoshita must have noticed my frustration, because she suddenly joined the conversation. "Isshiki-san, I would recommend shying away from such questions. This is a personal manner for Hikigaya-kun."

Isshiki suddenly looked a little guilty. "Oh… well, blame this stupid voice guy for bringing it up! And, um, sorry senpai."

Well, I'm glad she apologized. "All good," I replied.

Zaimokuza, who had remained quiet, had wanted to say something, but even he had the social presence to know that it would likely be unwelcome. So, he remained silent. The same went for Totsuka.

"But you know, the owner went to your school, so maybe you've met her?" Komachi runs to stand in front of Hachiman. "She said she'd thank you at school!"

"Why didn't you tell me? Did you get her name?"

Komachi nervously averted her glance away. "I forgot… Oh, hey, we're at school! See you after school!" She gave Hachiman a mock salute. "Thanks Onii-chan!"

"Komachi-chan didn't remember me…" Yuigahama mumbled, a depressive aura surrounding her.

"Ahh! Sorry, Yui-san!" Komachi bowed towards her (which was somewhat difficult in a theater seat). "I was just worried about Onii-chan!"

The depressive aura disappeared. "Oh, it's okay! I was just joking!" Yuigahama rapidly waved her arms.

"Don't worry, Yui-san, I'll be sure to make it up to you!" Komachi exclaimed, seemingly ignoring her comment.

Hachiman stared at her, then stared at the bag in his bike basket, then back at Komachi. Surely enough, Komachi came back crying, "Onii-chan!"

Hachiman sighs. "What an airhead."

OPENING PLAYS

It's only the fourth episode, yet I'm already getting sick of this opening. It's not even a bad opening either, especially since I'm in it. Maybe I'm just sick of watching my privacy being violated. Hey, how many times have I complained about that now?

Once again, Zaimokuza immediately began analyzing the opening. That makes it four times now. You'd think that he would be done doing that, but nope.

"Onii-chan, you can't call me an airhead!" Komachi suddenly exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at me. "That's really low on points!"

"I don't lie," I smoothly replied. For some reason, that only caused her to pout. Ah shit, that's too cute…

Next thing I knew, my hand was on her head. Oops, Onii-chan mode got activated. Komachi blinked in surprise, before looking away. "Stupid Onii-chan…" she muttered. Oi, I don't see you asking to remove my hand.

Hey, what if I use this on Yukinoshita? I can't tell if she would either get too embarrassed to do anything, or curse my entire bloodline. I really hope it's the former…

Ah well, no point in thinking about hypotheticals. There's no way Yukinoshita would…

My thoughts trailed off as I turned to face the girl in question, only to see her looking at my hand with… a strange expression. I raised an eyebrow at her behavior.

"Hikigaya-kun, may I ask why you are resting your hand on Komachi-san's head?" Yukinoshita asked. To my surprise, it didn't sound disgusted, unlike all of the other times when she used that phrase. Is she actually curious? Also, why didn't you ask this earlier?

"Instinct," I replied by accident. "Wait, let me explain! Komachi wasn't that brave as a kid, so I tended to comfort her with a headpat. I don't really do it a lot anymore though."

Yukinoshita seemed to consider that. "How… intriguing." She looked away from me with a hand on her chin. Is she thinking about Haruno? "Then, would you mind demonstrating?"

…Eh?

"Uh," I turned to face my right hand, which still rested on Komachi's head. "I'm already demonstrating?" She can't mean-

"You know what I am referring to," Yukinoshita cut off my thoughts. To make matters worse (?), she moved her head closer to me. What the hell?! How are you not embarrassed at your behavior?! I sense an inconsistency!

…Well, there's nothing wrong with giving her a headpat, right? With some hesitation (and a mildly red face), I placed my left hand on her hair. Ack, it's soft!

Yukinoshita blinked, her face slowly turning a little red. "...Interesting."

Aside from the sound of the opening playing, the rest of the theater was silent, though I could definitely feel stares aimed right at us. This is really embarrassing! Don't you guys have something better to do?! Er, wait, they probably don't.

Hiratsuka smirked. "Look at you two acting so lovey-dovey."

That seemed to finally snap Yukinoshita out of her mood. She moved so fast that it looked like she had teleported. "I-I apologize for my behavior, Hikigaya-kun," she mumbled, refusing to meet my eyes.

That… was weird. Not that I hated it, but Yukinoshita was definitely acting a little bolder than usual. Maybe giving Komachi a headpat reminded her of cats or something. Actually, that's probably it. Anytime cats or Pan-san are brought up, she becomes much more interested in whatever is going on.

"Hikki!" Yuigahama exclaimed, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I wanna know what that's like too!"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "...The headpat?"

"Yeah!" As if she realized what she said, Yuigahama suddenly blushed. "N-Not that it has to be from you, of course! B-But, um-"

"If you would like, Yuigahama-san, I-I would be willing to provide a… headpat," Yukinoshita interrupted her, sounding mildly embarrassed.

"Really Yukinon?! Thanks a lot!"

I debated listening/watching further, before deciding against it. Rather, I turned my focus behind me to RumiRumi. You know, I wonder how she's handling this. I opened my mouth to ask her, but then I stopped myself. Why? Well, even I know it's probably a bad idea to ask someone their opinion on a show where the only thing that's happened is a discussion on a car crash.

Unfortunately, Tsurumi already noticed my movement and gave me a questioning look. I met her eyes, unsure what to do. Eh, I'll just give her a thumbs up.

Tsurumi looked at my hand with confusion, before hesitantly giving one of her own. I chuckled to myself before turning around to face the screen again. I'm sure that'll confuse her for a bit.

Huh, the opening's almost over. Woo, I can't wait…

In the third row, Hayama was silent. Several realizations spontaneously struck him. That was their car, wasn't it? There's no way I would miss that. Then, that means…

He glanced at the raven-haired girl in the first row, who was still giving Yuigahama a headpat. He silently chuckled to himself. Hah, even before the service club began, their fates were all intertwined. It's almost like they were meant to have met each other.

Throughout the rest of the opening, the others either remained silent or engaged in their own conversations. Those conversations died down as the opening music faded away.

The screen shows a shot of the faculty room, panning over the teachers. "A wise man once said, 'When you work, you lose.' To labor is to take on risk and obtain a return."

Hey look, it's my iconic quote! Er, I mean, wow, what a stupid quote.

Hiratsuka groaned. "Ugh. I forgot I had to read this." Her hand rubbed against her forehead. "I lost several brain cells reading that crap."

Yukinoshita smirked. "Considering Hikigaya-kun's previous essays, that fact does not surprise me in the slightest."

"I've already lost several brain cells just hearing that quote," Isshiki offered.

What is this? Bully Hachiman day?

Hachiman's work study form is shown with his information. "Thus, my decision not to work and instead enter the household is not only valid, but also absolutely and positively legitimate."

I heard someone snort. Who did that?!

Hiratsuka is shown sitting on a couch while reading the form. "And so, for the upcoming workplace visit, I wish to visit my own home, where a full-time stay-at-home husband does his work." The camera shows Hachiman sitting on another couch, fidgeting his fingers as Hiratsuka reads the form out loud.

For a moment, the theater was unnaturally silent. Then Haruno erupted into laughter. At the same time, those around me sighed disappointedly.

"Did he seriously think that something like that would get past Hiratsuka-sensei?" I overheard Kawasomething say. Wow, that's really cruel of you to say, name-I-forget-chan.

"Well, isn't it obvious, Saki-saki?" Ebina giggled. Had I looked back, I would have seen her expression and been scarred for life. "He's planning to become the perfect house husband for Hayato once they-"

"You will NOT finish that sentence," Kawasaki replied in a very scary tone. Oh god, I'm two rows away and I feel like I'm at the foot of the gates of hell. Look, I'm even using Christian concepts even though I'm not a Christian! Er, they're not the only ones with the concept of hell and a single god, but I digress.

"A-Aye aye!" Ebina saluted with a stutter.

No one else spoke, presumably because everyone was terrified of Kawasaki's tone. Well, that or because the show of my life continued.

Suddenly, Hiratsuka dramatically rests her feet on the table in front of the couches. A purple aura surrounds her body. "You do know what I'm going to say," her hand curls up into a fist, "don't you?"

Hiratsuka smirked. "They gave me some nice effects. Imagine if I had those while teaching."

That's one of the scariest scenarios I've ever heard! Please never suggest such a thing ever again!

"I'll rewrite it! Please don't hit me!" Hachiman says, backing up into his seat as far as possible.

"Pfft. Look how scared Hikio looks!" Miura exclaimed smugly.

Tobe shivered in his seat. "I dunno Yumiko, I'd be terrified if Hiratsuka-sensei gave me that look! Actually, how aren't you terrified?" he asked the blonde girl.

Miura shrugged. "Eh, I'm sure the screen is, like, exaggerating it. Besides, only Hikio makes her angry enough to act like that."

Orimoto giggled. "I still can't believe how funny Hikigaya is! I wonder if he would drive my teacher crazy!"

"He really does have his own sense of doing things," Hayama commented with a smile. Those words earned him a confused glance from Miura. He didn't elaborate on his words, so she slowly moved her attention back to the screen.

"You got that right. I thought you had changed." Hiratsuka puts her feet back on the floor. "Hasn't the time you've spent in the Service Club changed you at all?"

I snorted. At that point, barely anything happened. The "big" stuff hadn't happened yet, so I didn't really feel terribly close to the club members yet. Also, I was still looking for ways to get out of the Service Club. I would have gleefully moved on with my life if it had disbanded at that point.

"My motto is to accomplish what I set out to do and all," Hachiman said, returning back to his previous position.

A vein was shown popping on Hiratsuka-sensei's forehead.

"…so my only option is to beat you up after all, huh? People beat each other up on TV whenever they want to get a move on with the story."

"Should a teacher really be saying that?" Tsurumi questioned.

Hiratsuka flinched. "E-Erm, it's just how we get along!"

Tsurumi looked at Hiratsuka questioningly. "...I don't know why, but I don't believe you."

Those words dealt massive damage to the teacher, and she slumped in her seat. "A child… not believing me…"

Well done, RumiRumi! You've done something that very few have accomplished! I'm so proud of you!

"N-n-no, you can't do that to my delicate body. And anyway, the shows on TV lately have been light on violence, y'know. It really shows your age!"

"There he goes again," Kawasaki, Yukinoshita, and Komachi mumbled.

"Why you…! Shocking First Bullet!"

Bonk.

"…urk."

Hiratsuka's fist is shown embedded in Hachiman's stomach. He collapses in his seat. "If you don't want to taste my Annihilating Second Bullet, you'd better not say another word."

"Please spare me your Terminating Last Bullet too," Hachiman weakly calls out.

Hiratsuka smiles. "I like men who are quick to understand."

The reminder of her victory against Hachiman made the teacher sit up in her seat again.

"You know, senpai, you've mentioned Hiratsuka-sensei's age a lot already," Isshiki said with a teasing grin. "Are you sure you're not a masochist?"

I sighed. "I already explained this earlier. No, I am not a masochist."

"Uh, d-did you?" Surprisingly, Totsuka was the one who brought it up. "U-Um, I d-don't remember you d-denying it e-earlier?"

Totsuka?! Don't tell me your memory is degrading… wait, shit, he might be right. I think I only denied it in my head. Oh dear, did Isshiki think I was a masochist this whole time?!

"Totsuka-san is correct," Yukinoshita confirmed. Then she smirked. "Perhaps it is not too surprising to find that Hikigaya-kun would find joy in the misery placed on him."

"Yeah yeah, my memory is failing me. The point is, I'm not a masochist!" I furiously denied. I will never acknowledge it for as long as I live! And I don't need to, because it's not true!

Hiratsuka chuckled to herself and crossed her arms, remaining silent. Hikigaya-kun's already getting his punishment from his seatmates. No need to add to it.

The teacher taps the remains of a cigarette into an ashtray. "Anyway, you're rewriting your workplace visit survey. Oh, and I forgot to tell you." Hiratsuka puts a cigarette in her mouth. "The workplace visit's going to be in groups of three. It's on you to pick who you want to go with, so start thinking of a few people."

"I certainly wouldn't want my classmates to defile my sweet home," Hachiman countered.

Hiratsuka sighed. "Are you still going on about being a househusband?"

"Hikigaya-kun, I am… curious," Yukinoshita began, "Do you truly want to be a h-househusband?"

Huh? Well, uh, hm. I mean, nothing else has piqued my interest. Is that a bad thing? But…

"Obviously, I'd like to, but I'm willing to leave my options open," I explained. With living costs, it might be difficult to find a place on a single person's income. Then again, if it's Yukinoshita, that shouldn't be an issue. Er, not like it'll be her, as much as I'd like that! Ha ha…

Yukinoshita slowly nodded. "I will keep that in mind."

She'll keep that in mind? As in she'll destroy my ideal later, or help make it come true? One of them is depressing, and the other is really embarrassing.

"Whatever choice you make, Hachiman, I will support you!" Zaimokuza suddenly declared. "With your abilities, I believe you will succeed in any endeavor you choose!"

That's… pretty good encouragement actually. But I didn't need that from you. That said, "Thanks Zaimokuza," was what I said out loud.

"Y-Yeah, what Yoshiteru said!" Totsuka piped up. Y'know, it just sounds like you're piggybacking off Zaimokuza's encouragement. But it's Totsuka, so that can't be true! Still, I responded with a thumbs up.

Hachiman worriedly looks at his form, before the scene switches to the service club. He opens the door to a waiting Yukinoshita, who appears to be reading a book. He puts his bag by his chair and prepares to sit down.

"You didn't run into her?" Yukinoshita asks.

Hachiman looks confused. "Into who?"

"There you are!" Yuigahama exclaims, barging into the clubroom.

For some reason, I thought of Yukinoshita barging into the clubroom like that. I nearly snorted, but managed to hold it in. I feel like, even if it was an emergency, she would still look composed on the outside. Then again, nothing that serious has happened yet. Or ever will, hopefully.

Hachiman looked confused. "What?"

Yukinoshita sighs. "You were taking your sweet time to come to the clubroom, so we had to go look for you. Well, Yuigahama-san did."

"You don't need to stress that you didn't by specifying her name. I know."

Yuigahama crossed her arms and looked away. "I even went around asking people if they'd seen you. And everyone was like 'Who's Hikigaya?'" She then gets into Hachiman's face. "It was totally awkward!"

Yuigahama put a finger on her chin. "I wonder what kind of response that question would get now?"

"I'd expect something a lot different," Hiratsuka replied. "He did help set up the proms, not to mention how much of a story Yukinoshita dating him was."

"There's also the cultural festival," I pointed out. "Er, the one from last year."

For some reason, that made Yuigahama look uncomfortable. I'm joking, I know exactly the reason why. "Hikki…"

"Sorry about that," I replied, "But you do know that some people still think about that, right?"

"Well, yeah, but… it's just difficult to think about, y'know?"

I shrugged. "Just answering your question."

"Unfortunately, he is correct," Yukinoshita agreed. "I have heard my classmates remarking about that incident when Hikigaya-kun's name was brought up."

Yuigahama sighed. "Yeah…"

Maybe I should have stayed silent? Eh, not like it's a big deal.

"Well, sorry," Hachiman says with a sweatdrop.

"Well, not like it matters," Yuigahama says, looking away again. "But, um…" The girl twindles her fingers together. "Give me your number?"

Haruno giggled to herself. "Look at her being so forward!"

Next to her, Shiromeguri gasped dramatically. "I can't believe she would do that! Yukinoshita-san must have really challenged her if she was able to get to Hikigaya-kun first!"

That statement made Haruno laugh even harder. "Hahaha! That's pretty far from the truth, Meguri!"

"Oh, is it?" Shiromeguri looked at the ceiling. "I-"

"EHH?!" Komachi exclaimed, leaning over my seat to stare at Yuigahama in (fake) wonder. "I didn't know you were so bold, Yui-san!" With her shouting, she accidentally ended all of the other conversations.

"H-Huh?! N-No! I just didn't want to run around looking for Hikki!" The pink haired girl protested while waving her arms around.

"I mean, like, it's totally weird to have to run around looking for you, and embarrassing too!" Yuigahama tries to explain her motivations. "And getting asked what kind of relationship we're in is like… totally wrong."

"See!" Yuigahama pointed at the screen, before becoming slightly bashful. "And, um, especially now…"

"A wise move, indeed!" Zaimokuza suddenly declared with arms crossed. "By obtaining Hachiman's contact information, you will be able to notify him of any concerns that arise!"

"That's the point, genius," I snarked out. Oops, that was harsh. Eh, he deserved it for saying something so obvious.

"G-Gah! A v-valid point, lord Hachiman!"

Lord Hachiman? It does have a nice ring to it…

"U-Um, anyways, that's the reason I wanted Hikki's number!" Yuigahama exclaimed. For some reason, she was blushing.

"Hmm…" Komachi gave the pink-haired girl a suspicious look. She opened her mouth to say something-

"Can we move on? I'm not really in the mood to hear you guys argue about why Yuigahama wanted my number," I cut in. I just knew Komachi was going to say something that would counter what she said.

"Boo! Onii-chan's ruining my fun!" Komachi stuck her tongue out, before glancing at Yuigahama. "Fine, but I won't let this go Yui-san!" We both know what your feelings for Onii-chan are! And even if Yuki-nee is with him right now, I'll make sure you confess your feelings!

Yuigahama glared at Komachi, but didn't respond.

"Fine by me," Hachiman says without complaint. For a moment, Yuigahama looks excited.

Komachi gave a knowing grin to the pink-haired girl, but Yuigahama pretended to have missed it.

He gives Yuigahama his phone. "You want me to enter it?" Yuigahama asked. "And I'm kind of surprised that you'd hand your phone to someone like that."

"Meh, there's no problem if you see what's on my phone. I only get mails from my sister and Amazon, anyway."

"Whoa! Seriously?! And wait - Amazon?!"

"Leave me alone…"

"Isn't that pretty sad?" Kawasaki said out loud.

Ebina gasped dramatically. "Wow, Saki-Saki, you're so harsh!"

Kawasaki blinked. "Crap, did I say that outloud? Uh, s-sorry Hikigaya!" She shouted that last part.

"Eh, it's fine," I replied without looking back. Not like she's wrong, though I sometimes preferred it back then.

"Weren't you a loner back then too, Saki-Saki?" Ebina asked.

"Er, no?"

"..."

"...Okay, maybe I was. What's your point?"

Ebina smirked. "Tell me, how many contacts did you have last year?"

Kawasaki did not respond. Rather, she turned her focus to the screen, pretending that she didn't hear her friend's words. Ebina pouted, but she didn't pester her any further.

Yuigahama proceeds to type the number into her own phone, her fingers moving at a frantic phase. "You're fast with those buttons," Hachiman observes.

"I'm average. And, like, you sure your fingers aren't just weak because you don't have anyone to text?"

Miura barked out a laugh. "Ha! I didn't know Yui could roast someone. You go girl!"

"Hikigaya really got burned there!" Orimoto said with a giggle.

Ha ha ha. Attack the loner who doesn't text anyone. Go ahead! In the end, I've got a partner, and you guys don't! Weak fingers means nothing to me!

Totsuka glanced down at his hands. "I-Is that speed really average? I must be really behind…"

"I-I was exaggerating!" Yuigahama frantically added, waving her arms. "I'm sure that the average speed is much lower than that!"

"For the average person, Yuigahama-san is correct," Yukinoshita cut in. "However, the speed for a high-schooler is likely to be much higher. Thus, her original claim may not be inaccurate."

"Yukinon! I was trying to be nice…" Yuigahama pouted.

"If anything, that's just proof that Totsuka isn't addicted to his phone," I wisely pointed out. "Er, not that you're addicted, Yuigahama, but you're definitely on it a lot." I wouldn't be surprised if she was addicted, honestly.

"Hikki, you're not helping!"

"How rude. I texted girls in middle school, you know."

The next moment, Yuigahama drops Hachiman's phone with a shocked expression. "No way…"

Komachi smirked evilly in Yuigahama's direction. That only made the girl blush, though most of the theater didn't notice the interaction.

"Eh? What's got Yui so surprised?" Miura asked concernedly.

"Hey! That's my phone!" Hachiman scolds Yuigahama.

"Oh, sorry. I just couldn't imagine you with girls," she explains, going down to pick up his phone.

Understanding filled Miura's eyes. "Ohh, yeah that, like, totally makes sense. I'd probably act the same if I heard that from Hikio."

Oi! You haven't earned the right to mock me! Only a few members of the super-exclusive Hachiman Loyalty Club can do that! Wait, what kind of name is that?

"Maybe senpai and Yukino-san have been pranking us this entire time?" Isshiki chimed up.

I opened my mouth to mock her words, but I was beaten by Yukinoshita, who suddenly became very scary. "I implore you to cease that notion, Isshiki-san," she spoke coldly.

"O-Of course!" Isshiki immediately backed off. "Y-You two would never lie about something like that! Haha!"

…Was Yukinoshita bothered by the idea of us not actually dating? Or was she just bothered by the idea of lying? Somehow, I feel like both of those are true.

Hachiman crosses his arms. "What, are you stupid?" The scene suddenly changes to a flashback. "You see, when we changed classes, I took out my phone and looked around the room."

Instead of complaining like I usually do, I simply sighed loudly. Maybe if I'm lucky, this one won't be very incriminating.

"Thanks," A girl said in the flashback, before noticing Hachiman standing in front of her. He makes a creepy smile, making the girl nervously look away. "I-I guess we should exchange numbers…"

"At the very least, I was that social," Hachiman explains confidently.

"...U-Um, that wasn't v-very social, Hachiman…" Totsuka nervously pointed out.

Miura scoffed. "Pfft. She was just being 'nice.' That barely even counts as a social interaction!"

"Trust me, I was well aware of that," I shot back. And still am, obviously, though I'm cringing at my past self acting like he wasn't aware. Probably wanted to make myself look better than I did. Then again, I don't remember this part very well. I only remember when Hayama eventually came in about that chain letter.

I wasn't aware of it, but Miura glared at my back before returning her focus to the screen. At the same time, Orimoto suddenly felt a brief pang of guilt from Hachiman's words. But… what could she do about it?

…That'll be a bridge she'll cross later.

"'I guess', huh?" Yukinoshita speaks up. "Sometimes, kindness can be cruel."

"Hey, don't look down on me!" Hachiman retorts. "I texted her after that, you know?"

"What kind of girl was she?" Yuigahama asks.

Hachiman seems surprised for a second, before going into his explanation. "She was a very healthy and reserved girl." He made several arm motions as he explained. "I mean, I'd text her at 7pm, and she replied the next morning, 'Sorry, I was asleep. See you at school.' She was that healthy."

"...Are you being a dumbass on purpose?" Kawasaki couldn't help but ask.

"Like I said, I was well aware of her intentions," I replied. Also, don't say that around RumiRumi! She's too young to hear the terrible and horrible words we call swears.

Yuigahama looks away with a tear in her eye. "That's, like…"

"She pretended to be asleep and ignored your text," Yukinoshita interrupted. "Hikigaya-kun, stop averting your eyes from reality. It's time to face the facts," she finishes with a smile.

Hachiman stares at her with a bewildered expression, before standing up. "Oh, I'm way ahead of you." He takes his phone from Yuigahama. "I understand reality so well I could write a Hikipedia article about it."

"What's Hikipedia?" Tsurumi asked.

"It's just Hikigaya here thinking he's being clever by using Hikipedia instead of Wikipedia," Hiratsuka explained, glaring at me for some reason.

"Oh." Tsurumi turned to face me. "That's pretty lame, Hachiman."

"I don't need to hear that from you…" Being called lame by a child is pretty sad, isn't it? Ah, but if that happened to Hayama, I'd be a happy man.

Tobe seemed confused by Hachiman's words on-screen, before he understood. "Ah! That's pretty clever!"

Ebina's eyes gained a glint. "Hmm, I wonder if this Hikipedia site would have a section on yaoi- stop giving that scary glare, Saki-Saki!"

"You do remember what I said, right?"

"I didn't ship those two! I just wondered if it had a section about yaoi! Wikipedia has one, so why not this site?"

Just overhearing that conversation was making me lose brain cells. Why is my clever wordplay the thing getting all of the attention? Well, at least my flashback went mostly ignored.

Hachiman looks at the contacts on his phone before landing on Yuigahama's name, which is surrounded by heart emojis.

"What the hell?! No matter how you slice it, this text reeks of spam!"

"Hikki! So rude!" Yuigahama exclaimed with a pout.

"I'm afraid he is correct," Yukinoshita commented. "I fear that I would assume the worst, had that been input into my phone."

"Yukinon!"

Meanwhile, Zaimokuza leaned down to loudly whisper to me. "Hachiman, you must not fall for it! It's a trap!"

"If I saw someone with that name that wasn't Yuigahama, I'd obviously suspect the worst, Zaimokuza," I replied. Then, to add a bit of flair, "Your lack of faith… disturbs me."

The chuunibyou leaned back, satisfied. "Of course, I should have known that you would see through it! I apologize for my lack of faith, Lord Hachiman!"

"It's all good." Speaking with Zaimokuza is such a chore, yet I can't help but find it… enjoyable? I can't tell if it's the remnants of middle school me, or something else.

Behind me, Miura grumbled to herself, "What's wrong with what Yui used?"

"Ehh, I kinda see what Hikigaya meant," Orimoto replied, making Miura jump slightly. "It sort of does look like something I'd see in a scam message."

Miura looked at the screen again. "...I guess I can see it."

Yuigahama looks at her phone, before sighing with a concerned expression. Yukinoshita seems to notice this and looks away from her book. "Is something wrong?"

"Huh? N-No, nothing's wrong," Yuigahama responds. "I just got this weird text and was thinking, like, what?"

"Oh! I remember this!" Yuigahama exclaimed.

Yukinoshita looked confused for a moment, before she remembered as well. "Ah, yes. Thankfully, this event is fairly insignificant in the long run."

Yukinoshita goes back to reading. "Hikigaya-kun, if you don't want to be taken to court in the near future, I suggest you refrain from sending such obscene texts."

"Are you accusing me of sexual harassment?" Hachiman retorts with crossed arms. "Show me the evidence! Evidence!"

"That sounds like something, the culprit would say, right Hikigaya-kun~?" Haruno called out from the top row.

"Gee, like I haven't heard that before," I sarcastically responded.

"Eh?" Totsuka sounded confused. I simply pointed at the screen.

"We can take what you just said as evidence." Hachiman seems mildly taken back by her statement. "In situations like these, the culprit will say something along those lines. 'Where's the evidence? A very curious deduction. You could make a name for yourself as a mystery writer. Like I could be in the same room as the murderer!'"

"Funny how both of the Yukinoshitas are on the same line of thought?" I smirked. "Also, she got that last line wrong."

"That last one was a victim's line," Hachiman counters. "And he's calling for his own death there."

"Was it, really?"

I proudly crossed my arms. Kind of weird how my memory kicked in for that scene though. It's probably just Haruno annoying me as usual, so my brain had to show her up.

"Fufufu~. You got me there!" Haruno giggled. For some reason, that just made my good mood go away. Dammit, you can't sound defeated for once?

Yukinoshita smiled. "I applaud you for your memory, Hikigaya-kun. Though, the fact you remembered those details may signify something disturbing. Perhaps I should call the police to arrest you?"

"Sure, you could do that, but that would mean that you won't be able to see me," I countered. "I fear that you might get a bit lonely."

Yukinoshita's face went a bit red. "W-Well, while that could be a concern, I do have Yuigahama-san. You, on the other hand, will have no familiarities with anyone in prison. Perhaps you will get lonely before I do."

"Ha! Once I've received my trial, they'll find out that all of the evidence was forged and that I'm an innocent man! I won't be there for long, and even if I end up being alone, as a professional loner, I'm an expert in being alone!" Well, to be fair, I still had Komachi to come home to back then. I wouldn't even have that in prison.

Yukinoshita smirked. "Preposterous. My testimony would be so convincing, the jury would have no choice but to prosecute you. There'll be nothing you can do about that."

I opened my mouth to respond- "Stop flirting with each other!" Isshiki cried out. "We have a show to watch!"

Her words made us both blush. I didn't mean to get caught up in the moment, but I was having fun retorting her words. Oh dear, was that actually flirting? That's embarrassing! Kyah~!

…Never make that sound again, brain.

"Well, I don't think Hikki did it," Yuigahama chimes in, walking towards Yukinoshita.

"Your evidence?" Yukinoshita counters.

Yuigahama giggles. "Well, like… It's about people in my class. So, Hikki can't have anything to do with it!"

"Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!" Komachi exclaimed.

There was a general tone of agreement around the theater. I'm actually disturbed by how everyone is in sync about this. I mean, not like I blame them, but I'm still a bit freaked out. It probably doesn't help that I still feel mildly embarrassed from Isshiki's words.

No! I need to stop being so embarrassed when something like that happens! I forcefully shook my head. Next time someone says something, I'll make sure not to be embarrassed! Probably easier said than done, but I don't care!

Hachiman seems insulted by that. "I'm in your class too, you know…"

"I see." Yukinoshita nods. "Then Hikigaya-kun can't be the culprit."

Hachiman sighs. "And she accepted it without a moment's hesitation."

"Well, it's something that happens every so often," Yuigahama explains. "There's no real need to mind it."

Hiratsuka snorted. "It really isn't that surprising, Hikigaya."

"When did I say I was shocked?" I shot back. "If someone thought I would do something like that back then, they definitely had the wrong idea about me."

"U-Um… what about now?" Totsuka asked.

"Still wouldn't do it. I'm not stupid enough to go through the effort of making a chain letter."

"Eh? A chain letter?" Miura questioned. Oops, I accidentally spoiled that reveal. Eh, not like anyone cares anyways. Other than Zaimokuza, but hopefully he doesn't make a huge fit about it. "How did you know it was that?"

"You'll find out," I cryptically replied.

Miura opened her mouth to reply. "Wha-"

"Man, I remember that one with me in it!" Tobe exclaimed. "That was real nasty! Thankfully, it stopped pretty quickly!"

Uh, did anyone ask? Though, thanks for stopping Miura from speaking, Tobe.

The service club's conversation is halted when the clubroom door is opened. In walks a blonde haired teenager.

"Hayato!" Miura exclaimed happily, before her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Wait, why are you in the service club?"

Hayama gave his "winning" smile to her. "Don't worry, I just had a request from the club. It had to do with that message Yui mentioned." I won't spoil the details yet.

"O-Oh, of course!" Miura looked away with a blush. Silly me, thinking it would be anything else!

"Oh, I just had a request. This is the service club, right?" Hayama asks.

Hachiman nervously smiles at him. "Did my instincts judge Hayama to be higher than me again?"

"Your instincts are right," Miura boldly claimed with a smirk. "No offense, Hikio, but no one can, like, really compare to him."

Hahahahaha, that's really funny Miura. I didn't know you were such a jokester. I heard Yukinoshita quietly snort next to me. Looks like we're on the same brainwave.

Orimoto looked at Hayama, then at Hachiman, before looking at the screen again. I want to agree with her, but something inside me feels like that can't be true. Haha, what a weird feeling!

"Hiratsuka-sensei said I should come here if I have any troubles." Hayama says, rubbing his head. "I couldn't really get excused from club, so-"

Yukinoshita interrupts him. "I don't recall asking you to brag. You came here because you have a request, Hayama Hayato-kun."

Miura glared daggers at Yukinoshita. You bitch! Don't insult Hayama like that!

Hayama sweatdrops. "Oh, about that…" He pulls out his phone and shows it to the two girls.

Yuigahama gasps lightly. "It's the weird text." She pulls out her own phone to read the texts out loud. "Tobe is a delinquent from the Inage area. He beats up kids from West High in the arcades." An image of him standing over some beaten-up high schoolers is shown.

"Hey! That's not true!" Tobe stood up angrily.

"Um, we know that!" Shiromeguri tried to calm him down. "T-This is from a year ago, right?"

"O-Oh, yeah, right!" Tobe's angry expression disappeared and he sheepishly rubbed his head. "Sorry, I just got reminded of how angry I first felt when I first heard that."

"Don't worry, I felt the same," Hayama said with a nod. "It sickened me to hear what they said about you and the others."

Shiromeguri nodded. "I-I don't blame you!"

I raised an eyebrow at Hayama's words. He knows that one of his "friends" was the one who sent that chain letter, right? That's not a good look, you knoooow? Unless he lost his memory?

"Yamato is a three-timer. Scum of the Earth." Yamato is shown doing the deed with a brown-haired girl as another girl watches from the door.

"Oka smashes other schools' star players with his unsportsmanlike tactics." Oka is shown kicking someone in a baseball field.

Still standing, Tobe turned to the screen in anger. "That's-"

"Relax, Kakeru," Hayama intervened. "Like Shiromeguri-senpai said, we know it's false. Now why don't we all calm down?"

"Heheh, sorry Hayato!" He sat down. "It's just, y'know, we're friends now, and I didn't like hearing things they definitely wouldn't do."

"Besides," Ebina chimed in, "I highly doubt Yamato could even get a single girl in the first place!"

Oh my, how harsh!

"H-Hey now, that's a little much…" Hayama sweatdropped.

Notice how he didn't deny it? How harsh of you, Hayama.

"It's a chain letter," Yukinoshita realizes.

"The atmosphere in class has been pretty bad since this started circulating," Hayama explains. "And hearing baseless rumors about my friends makes my stomach turn. Oh, I don't necessarily want to find out who did it, though." The camera zooms on his face as he smiles. "I just want to know how to make it stop. Can you help me?"

"Eh?! Why didn't you want to find who did it?!" Miura shouted angrily.

Hayama gave her a smile. "I didn't want to cause any trouble. I was hoping we could simply stop it and no one would get hurt."

"O-Oh, that, like, makes a lot of sense!" Miura blushed, twirling a lock of her hair.

"Makes a lot of sense" my ass. Geez, Miura is basically defenseless when it comes to Hayama. I mean, I already knew that, but being in this theater has given me a front seat to her shenanigans. It's really impressive how effectively he's able to disarm her. I'm kind of jealous…

Wait, not in that way! I definitely don't want her pining after me! Yukinoshita is the only one for me! But if there was a way to shut off her fire queen mode whenever it's aimed at me, I'd take it.

The camera suddenly moves to Hachiman as the background becomes all dramatic. "There it is. His ultimate technique: 'The Zone.'"

Whoa, that effect was kind of cool. That's not something you see in every romcom. Wait, the screen is violating my privacy again!

"Fufufu~, looks like we're gonna see another monologue from Hikigaya-kun!" Haruno exclaimed.

Hayama didn't show any outward change, but his eyes gained a glint in them. Looks like I'm the subject this time.

Suddenly, Hayama is shown standing in front of a brick wall while looking more buff than usual. On the bottom of the screen is a message declaring, "This is a personal opinion."

"Oh my-! You're so buff, Hayato!" Ebina squealed. "Thank you Hikitani-kun for your blessing! Now I know what your taste is!"

"Hachiman! How could you?!" Zaimokuza cried out. "If you're not careful, he'll replace you as the protagonist! That would be the worst-case scenario!"

This is bullshit! Why does he look like that?! Why is that the illustration the creators of this show went with?! I'm gonna find whoever did that and make sure they regret it!

While I was plotting someone's imminent demise, Miura blushed. H-He looks so hot! I-I… kyah~!

Orimoto was watching Miura in real time, and she couldn't help but giggle at the growing redness on her face. She's got it soooo bad for Hayama. Thanks, Hikigaya, for letting me see this. It's fascinating!

"'The Zone' is a skill that only people who lead fulfilling lives can use." A scene of a bunch of depressed teenagers is shown, before Hayama jumps down from nowhere. "Its most profound characteristic is that it can take any place and make it better. Simply because their lives are so fulfilling."

Hayama gives a cheerful smile, surrounding the place with a yellow background and making the teenagers cheerful as well. "You could also call it the special air about a charismatic and kind individual."

Haruno sighed disappointedly. That was disappointing, Hikigaya-kun. You should have put his mask on full display. I'd love to see how that blonde girl reacts to that.

Hayama also couldn't help but feel disappointed. All he did was explain what other people thought of me. Though, he was spot on about that.

By the end of my monologue, I had calmed down. After all, the creators probably live in some other universe. I can't exactly travel to wherever they reside. You're lucky, whoever made this!

The scene returns to the service club. "In other words, you just want us to put an end to it," Yukinoshita concludes.

Hayama nods. "Well, yeah, you could say that."

"Then we'll have to find out who did it, no?" Yukinoshita says, standing up.

"I mean… she isn't wrong?" Shiromeguri offered. "But I feel like there's a better way…"

"If I was Yukinoshita-san, I'd do exactly the same thing," Kawasaki claimed. She cracked her knuckles. "They wouldn't like what would happen next…"

Ebina stared at her seatmate in fear. "U-Um, Saki-Saki, you're being super scary right now!"

She blinked her eyes. "Oh, um, sorry Hina. I just thought about what I'd do if someone sent a chain letter about me."

"...Y'know what, I get that."

Yukinoshita glanced back at Kawasaki with a smirk. While her methods may be… excessive, I cannot fault her for resorting to such methods. I approve.

Shiromeguri blinked at Kawasaki, then turned to Haruno. "Haru-san, I'm feeling kind of scared now…"

"Ah, don't worry about it!" Haruno giggled. "I'm sure Kawasaki-san is exaggerating." And even if she's not, I won't fault her way of thinking!

"Okay…" Shiromeguri turned back to the screen. I didn't know they were so violent! Even Yukino-san!

"Yeah, thank-" Hayama interrupts himself. "Huh? Is there really no other way?"

Yukinoshita crosses her arms. "A chain letter. It's the worst possible way to destroy a human's dignity." She walks over to the window. "Without revealing one's name or face, they lie and slander for the sole purpose of hurting others. The only way to stop one is to find its originator and eliminate them. I speak from experience."

"T-The worst way…?" Totsuka asked with widened eyes.

"E-Eliminate…?" Komachi stuttered nervously. She grabbed onto my arm. "Y-Yuki-nee is scary!"

Trust me Komachi, I'm scared too.

Behind them, Hayama suddenly felt very guilty. …From experience, huh.

"You've had this happen to you?" Hachiman asks.

"You eliminated them?" Yuigahama worriedly asks.

"Yes. I eliminated them," Yukinoshita casually says with a nod.

For some inexplicable reason (not), that had the effect of the first two rows staring at her with fear. "Y-You're a heartless villain!" Zaimokuza recklessly cried out.

"Oh?" Yukinoshita turned to face the chuunibyou. She smiled. "I am the heartless one? Perhaps you should inform those who sent the chain letter? I'm sure they would appreciate someone who thinks just like them. Am I wrong?"

Zaimokuza was sweating like he was on the surface of the sun. "A-A-Aye Aye! I-I'm s-s-sure y-you're r-r-r-right!"

I appreciate you taking the bullet, Zaimokuza. I'll forever remember you as the one who bravely (foolishly) stood against the evil ice queen!

In the third row, Orimoto shuddered. Yukinoshita-san… she's really scary. I already figured that out, but the way she casually "eliminated" her enemies. How did Hikigaya tame her?!

Miura noticed her seatmate's shuddering. "Oh, Orimoto-san, don't worry about her. I won't let her, like, 'eliminate' you."

Orimoto suddenly felt mildly embarrassed. "Oh, no no, it's fine! I just wondered how Hikigaya was able to, um, befriend her. They still seem like enemies at that point."

Miura crossed her arms and frowned. "Honestly? I'd like to know too. Hikio's cool, but he's nothing special."

Orimoto furrowed her eyebrows. Nothing special? Maybe in middle school, but when I saw him again, he seemed… kind of cool. Wow, what a weird thought!

The camera scrolls up Yukinoshita's body. "Regardless, any such human deserves to die. This is how I do things." She turns her face back towards the group. "I will find who did it. One word will probably be enough to end it. I'll leave what happens after that to your discretion. Is that okay with you?"

Hayama gives up. "Yeah, that works."

"Y'know, I don't remember anyone being exposed for those messages," Tobe commented. "Unless… Yukinoshita-san murdered them in the dark of the night and made everyone forget about them!"

That statement earned him several blank stares, along with laughter from Hiratsuka (and absolute terror from me). "Hahaha! If Yukinoshita could do that, I'd have been gone long ago!"

Tobe finally realized how silly his statement was. "Haha, I was just making a joke!" he claimed. With a sweatdrop on his forehead. "Obviously no one could do that!"

Meanwhile, I felt my blood run cold. If Yukinoshita really was that powerful, I'd have to get out of Japan. Er, wait, she's my gir- partner now. She won't do that to me, right? Right?!

Yukinoshita fully turns around. "When did this text begin circulating?"

"Last weekend, right?" Hayama asks Yuigahama to confirm.

She nods. "Yeah."

"Did anything happen in your class? Yuigahama-san, Hayama-san," Yukinoshita asks.

Hayama goes first. "I don't think anything happened…"

"Yeah, everything was normal," Yuigahama confirms.

"It's the workplace visit, right?" Ebina chimed in suddenly.

"Eh? What makes you say that, Hina?" Miura asked.

"I mean, earlier we saw Hikitani-kun being threatened by Hiratsuka-sensei about that-"

"He deserved that."

"...My point is, it's foreshadowing! And if I remember correctly, Hayato and Hikitani-kun were in the same group!" Ebina's glasses suddenly glazed over. "That means-!"

"Indeed, Ebina-san is correct!" Zaimokuza interrupted before Ebina could finish her sentence. "It is a perfect way to reference earlier events in the episode!"

Miura thought about it. "...Yeah, that does make sense." And, even if Kakeru was acting like a dumbass earlier, he does bring up a good point that no one was exposed for the chain letters. They just… stopped. I don't think that Yukinoshita bitch would have accepted that outcome. So, Hikio probably did something. As usual.

"Just to be safe, what about you?" Yukinoshita asks Hachiman, who stood off to the side.

"What are you trying to imply with 'just to be safe?'" Hachiman retorts, before putting a finger on his head. "Last weekend? So it's something recent."

A flashback of Hachiman's conversation with Hiratsuka is shown. "The workplace visit's going to be in groups of three." That information is enough for Hachiman to connect the dots.

"Workplace visit?" Hachiman says out loud.

"Oh, that's it!" Yuigahama exclaims. "It's because we have to pick groups."

MIDDLE OF EPISODE

"Well, look at that!" Ebina exclaimed victoriously. "Guess who nailed it!"

"Dude, you're good at this!" Tobe cheered her on. "I totally wouldn't have thought of that!"

Kawasaki rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah, good job." Thank god she's not thinking about the yaoi stuff. Hina is much more enjoyable to talk to when she's not on that topic.

In the back row, Haruno seemed disappointed. I was hoping it would be something else. Not… irrelevant school matters. But maybe if I'm lucky, I'll see more of Hikigaya-kun's silliness!

Shiromeguri muttered to herself. "How will Hikigaya-kun solve this? I mean, Yukinoshita-san seemed like she hates chain letters, so I doubt she'll just give up easily-"

"Meguri, you're muttering," Haruno cut in her thoughts.

"Ah! Sorry, Haru-san! It's just…"

Haruno giggled. "Don't worry about it! I'm sure our 'protagonist' will solve it with no issues!"

"Hmm… yeah, Hikigaya-kun really knows his stuff! I'm sure we'll know how he does it!"

Little did they know, I had overheard everything! And I don't appreciate you calling me a protagonist, Haruno. It's just an excuse used by Big Anime to rob the privacy rights of hundreds, if not thousands of innocent people! Also, the voice explicitly called me "not a protagonist," so you're just wrong!

"Hachiman," Tsurumi called out my name, making me turn around, "Do you know when they'll show that summer camp?"

"What? You're finding this boring?" I asked teasingly. That earned me an adorable childish pout (she's a child, duh). "Anyways, no clue. Could be the next episode, could be the next season."

Tsurumi looked disappointed. "This is such a lame show. Especially with you in it."

Whoa, whoa! That was too far! How could a child like you say that?! Crap, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up torturing some poor soul when she gets to my age. Hell, she could be a mini-Yukinoshita in the making. I can't let that happen! I'll save you, RumiRumi!

"What's worse is that I'm not even here yet!" Isshiki cut in. "And I bet it's your fault too, senpai!"

"Yeah yeah, blame me for all of the mistakes," I shrugged her off. "Should have met me earlier if you really wanted to be in the show."

"Oh my, are you wishing you met me earlier so that you could have confessed to me without worrying about your girlfriend? I'm sorry, but I can't engage in that kind of activity without her consent, please ask me again later!"

That's really funny, Isshiki. So funny I forgot to laugh. That said, I feel like something would be missing if she stopped saying that line. "Sure, whatever you say."

Isshiki, however, had her own thoughts. If I had met senpai earlier, I could have easily beaten Yukino and Yui! But Hayama just had to attract my attention first! If we were back home, maybe I could have tried to disrupt senpai's relationship, but I feel like it would have failed. Those two look so close. She glanced at the two in question. I… I don't know if I could do such a thing.

"Onii-chan, you better not cheat on Yuki-nee!" Komachi poked a finger at me. "I'll never forgive you for that!"

"Trust me, Komachi, I'm the embodiment of Anti-cheating," I said with a smirk. "You don't need to worry about that kind of thing."

Yukinoshita chuckled. "Even if he had such an idea, I'd be sure to remind him of his place."

I felt a chill go down my spine at her words. Komachi, on the other hand, nodded approvingly. "As his sister, I approve! You go, Yuki-nee!"

"I'll support you, Yukinon!" Yuigahama exclaimed. "But, um… what do you mean by that?"

"That… is a matter best kept secret."

Now I'm scared. Wait, why should I be scared? There's no way I'd cheat on Yukinoshita! So why are my hands trembling? It must be the cold, yeah! What, you're telling me that the temperature here is perfect? Must be a lie!

"Haa… I'm so proud of you two," Hiratsuka said in… a scary tone? "Yeah, real proud. Real-"

"Excuse me, but you're squeezing the seat, sensei," Hayama interrupted from above.

"Eh?" She looked at her seatrest, which had nailmarks in it now. "Oh, whoops. Just got a little bit frustrated, sorry about that!"

Hiratsuka, I wasn't even looking at you and even I could tell that you were glaring daggers at me. I didn't even say anything about your age that time! While I hate to say it, Hayama did save me from a devastating fate. So, thanks, you riajuu bastard.

I opened my mouth to say something, but the screen chose that time to return. Y'know, it kind of feels like the times during the mid-episode transition are longer than they should be. Must be time madness by that stupid voice.

Hachiman is shown back in Class 2-F, seemingly snoozing off. This is quickly revealed to be an illusion, as he opens his eyes and sneaks a glance at Hayama talking to three other boys.

Ebina's eyes gleamed. "Oh hoho. Hikitani-kun is curious! Maybe he's got a-"

"You were being really nice just now," Kawasaki cut in. "So I would appreciate it if you didn't finish that sentence, ok?"

"-got a really good idea!" Ebina smoothly finished. "Yeah, a good idea to find out who did the chain letter!"

Very funny, Ebina.

The scene switches back to the service club. "I think I know who did it," Yuigahama declares.

"You d-did?" Totsuka asked with surprise.

Yuigahama smiled sheepishly. "I mean, I just had to think about it!"

"A rarity from you," I grumbled. What can I say? Her school grades are abysmal! I think Yukinoshita tried to help her with math once, only to give up after a few days. Well, math is a curse sent by the devil himself, so I really can't blame her for that one. Japanese, on the other hand…

"Hikki!" Yuigahama pouted. "I-It's not my fault that it's hard to think sometimes!"

"Could you explain?" Yukinoshita asks.

Yuigahama crosses her arms. "These group events change people's relationships. Some people are really sensitive about that."

Hachiman chimes in. "The workplace visit is three people to a group. That means one of the four gets left out. Someone would want to get one of the others knocked out."

"So the culprit is one of those three? You have no doubts about that?" Yukinoshita asks to confirm.

"W-Wait a second," Hayama cuts in. "I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet. The text is talking about all three of them. It can't possibly be one of them, right?"

"Who are you guys talking about?!" Isshiki exclaimed. "You're just using 'the three of them!'"

Surprisingly, it was Tsurumi who responded, "Are you an idiot?"

"W-What?!"

The girl crossed her arms. "It was obviously the boys that the blonde guy was talking to. That's why it showed Hachiman looking at them."

Isshiki thought about it for a moment. "Y'know, that makes a lot of sense!" Then she turned to Hachiman with a pout. "Also, why are you letting her call me an idiot?!"

"Why are you looking at me?" I asked with a deadpan. "It's your problem, not mine."

"Senpai…"

Tobe heard Tsurumi's words and was surprised. "W-Wait, you mean they all suspected Yamato, Ooka, and me?! But that doesn't make any sense!"

"But Tobecchi, if I remember, you three weren't really friends before this, right?" Ebina asked.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"...I think the show might explain it, so I'll let it do the explaining."

Tobe looked at her confusingly, before shrugging and focusing back on the screen.

"Are you retarded?" Hachiman insults Hayama.

I felt Miura suddenly glare at me, but I chose to ignore it. What's she gonna do about it, huh?

"You're supposed to do that only when you want to cover your own ass," Hachiman explains. "Besides, I don't think I'd start rumors about someone and then pin the blame on him too."

"Hikki, you're even lower than the sender!" Yuigahama says, covering her chest.

Hachiman smugly responds, "Call me an intellectual criminal."

"More like a braindead criminal!" Miura exclaimed with a hint of anger in her voice.

I blinked with surprise. That seems uncalled for- wait, "It's because I called Hayama retarded, isn't it?"

Miura's eyes seemed to catch on fire. "Apologize to him, now!"

"H-Hey, Yumiko," Hayama intervened, "It's alright. It's just how we interact, ok?"

Miura's anger fizzled away the second he said her name. She looked at the blonde hair guy, then back at me, before crossing her arms with a huff. "Fine, if you insist. But I won't tolerate your behavior any further, Hikio!"

Oh boy, she's not gonna like what happens later.

Yukinoshita ignores the side topic. "For now, could you tell us about those three?" she asks Hayama.

He thinks about it for a second. "Tobe looks like a bad guy, but he's actually more like a cheerful leader." An image of him is shown. "He takes a proactive role whenever we hang out. He's a great guy."

Tobe grinned. "Aw, thanks Hayato! Knew you thought I was great!"

Hayama chuckled. "Of course, Kakeru."

"Easily excited, only knows how to make a ruckus. Is that all?" Yukinoshita concludes, writing down some notes.

Tobe's grin faded away. "...Oi, what's her problem?"

"I merely gave my opinion on the matter," Yukinoshita replied without looking back.

"That's a little rude, Yukinon…" Yuigahama frowned.

Yukinoshita hesitated for a moment, then sighed and turned around. "I apologize for my harsh words, Tobe-kun."

"Uhh, thanks?" Honestly, Tobe was just more confused than anything. I guess Yui convinced her to apologize? Well, thanks Yui!

The room goes silent for a moment, before Yukinoshita looks up from her notes. "What's wrong? Go on."

There's a lot wrong, you bitch! Miura shouted in her head.

Hayama continues with a sweatdrop. "Yamato is a good listener." An image of him is shown. "He's pretty chill and marches to the beat of his own drum. He gives you this sense of security. He's a great guy."

"He's slow to respond and indecisive," Yukinoshita concludes.

"..."

Hayama continues again, his sweatdrop more prominent. "Oka is great with people. I always see him helping someone out. He's got a nice personality. He's a great g-"

"An opportunist who watches others for the right moment to strike," Yukinoshita concludes. She puts her pen on her chin. "Any of them could be the culprit. Hayama-kun's descriptions aren't much help. What do you two think of them?" She asks Hachiman and Yuigahama.

Over the course of the scene, Miura was getting progressively angrier. Finally, she snapped. "What's your deal?!"

Tobe tried to intervene. "Y-Yumiko, it's not-"

Miua glared daggers at him. "Shut up Kakeru! I'm getting pissed off!" She stood up. "Her apology to you was basically nothing! And then Ooka and Yamato too?!"

Oh crap. This isn't good! I wasn't expecting her to get so pissed at that! Hayama, you need to intervene! She cooled off instantly when you spoke up, so do it again!

Thankfully, that was what happened. "Yumiko, I'm sure she didn't mean it-"

"Hayato, why aren't you mad about this?" Miura turned to face him. "They're your friends!"

Hayama was mildly thrown back. "Well, er, I've known Yukinoshita-san for a while. It's just the way she talks about others." He chuckled. "Look how she and Hikitani-kun talk to each other."

Miura glanced at Yukinoshita, then me, then Hayama, before she sighed. "Would it kill her to be nicer?" She didn't wait for a response as she sat down.

I thought that a bomb was about to go off, but Hayama effortlessly disarmed it. Thank you for saving our lives! I'll refrain from insulting you as much if I can!

Before I could focus on the screen again, I felt Yukinoshita grab my left hand. Eh? I turned to her with a questioning expression.

She looked at me for a second, then blushed heavily and forced her attention back on the screen. "...I apologize, Hikigaya-kun, but… I-I need this."

Oh god, that was so adorable! Wait, focus. Why did she want my hand-

Wait, was she actually bothered by Miura's words? Well, actually, that makes a lot of sense. I know Yukinoshita's trying to be nicer to people. Results have varied depending on the person, but even so, it still hurts to hear that, huh?

I can't really blame Miura though. I hardly ever see her, and I'm sure she hardly sees Yukinoshita. She wouldn't really know that she's not the same. Though, their issues with each other don't help either. I really hope they get over them at some point…

…Oh yeah, I forgot I'm still holding Yukinoshita's hand! Kyah~!

Little did I know, Komachi saw the entire thing. She didn't say a word, but she smirked mischievously. I'll be teasing you about this later, Onii-chan!

Yuigahama looks at Yukinoshita. "Huh? I don't know what to think…"

"I don't even know them," Hachiman comments.

"Then could you investigate them for me?" Yukinoshita asks the two.

"S-Sure," Yuigahama reluctantly agrees.

"I'm sorry. This isn't as glamorous as a mystery novel," Yukinoshita looks away.

"I'll do it," Hachiman declares, making everyone look at him. "Not like I care what the other kids think about me. And finding faults in people is one of my 108 skills."

My good mood snapped the moment I mentioned my 108 skills. What was I thinking?! I can't just go around revealing those! That's top secret! If the CIA was here, they'd probably execute me on the spot!

"Oh? Have you been holding out on me, Hikigaya?" Hiratsuka teasingly asked. "I wasn't aware that you were a shonen protagonist."

"Ah, but it makes sense!" Zaimokuza declared. "As Hachiman is already a romcom protagonist, it only makes sense that he would try to expand into other genres! It's all part of his plan to take over the entire industry!"

"...What the hell are you even saying?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Like I said, he's annoying," Tsurumi chimed in. "Why is he here?"

"G-Gah! Y-You are the enemy of the people!" Zaimokuza dramatically cried out as he pointed at the girl. Heh, that's a really funny scene. But was that last question necessary, RumiRumi?

"You know, I wonder about that myself," Yukinoshita added without turning around. "Clearly, Voice-sama must have been mistaken in his inclusion."

"A double attack!" Zaimokuza cried as he grabbed his chest. "H-Hachiman, I-I need assistance!"

Don't drag me into your affairs! You gotta stand up for yourself and stand up against the ice queen and her apprentice! Do that, and you shall find future success.

…Oh whoops, I need to respond. "Uh, stand up for yourself. If you do that, you'll, uh, find great success down the road."

Zaimokuza suddenly looked confident. "You're right! Thank you for your advice, Hachiman!" He turned to face Yukinoshita, then Tsurumi. "I won't fall to you, villains!"

Tsurumi crossed her arms. "Stop being so annoying." She turned towards me. "Hachiman, you should stay away from him. He's gonna make your life miserable."

Seriously, Zaimokuza, did you do something to RumiRumi? She's got an agenda against you! "Trust me, I'm well aware," I vaguely replied.

Tsurumi seemed disappointed at that. "If you insist, Hachiman…"

Zaimokuza puffed his chest out. "This is our victory! Take that, villain!"

You really need to relax the chuunibyou behavior. But a victory is a victory, so I won't say anything.

…W-Wait, why does my left hand feel so empty now?! Oh, Yukinoshita let go of it during the conversation. Now I can't help but feel disappointed…

Yukinoshita closes her eyes. "Thank you, but I won't be holding my breath."

"I'll do it too!" Yuigahama loudly declares with an arm raised in the sky. "We can't just leave Hikki to do it! And you asked me first, so I gotta, Yukinon!"

Yukinoshita lightly blushes, before looking away. "I see."

Yuigahama is overjoyed and hugs Yukinoshita. "I'll see what I can do!"

Miura felt a tinge of disappointment. Yui is a lot more comfortable with… Yukinoshita. I can't really blame her though. I didn't really treat her like a good friend back then. I-I hope I'm not so bad now…

Next to her, Hayama smiled. I'm glad Yui was able to be her friend. If only she or Hikigaya-kun were there in elementary school. Then… maybe things would have turned out better.

Below them, Tsurumi looked down at her hands. Will I ever have a friend like that? She looked up again. I don't really wanna hug, but if someone hugged me, I might enjoy that?

Hayama and Hachiman watch the two from behind. "You sure get along great," Hayama observes.

"They do, anyway," Hachiman replies.

Hayama makes eye contact with Hachiman and smiles. "I meant you too, Hikitani-kun."

Hachiman makes a bothered-looking face. "Who're you talking to? We don't have a member named 'Hikitani-kun.'"

And we still don't! Ugh, I had an opportunity to eliminate that stupid name last episode! Why didn't I take it?!

Kawasaki furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm not really sure Hikigaya and Yukinoshita-san are really getting along yet."

"Ah, don't worry about that, Kawasaki-san!" Haruno said with a teasing tone. "That's just how those two bond!"

"...I really shouldn't be surprised, but still…" Kawasaki frowned. I guess… good for them? Should I have done that too? Wait, what am I thinking?

The scene returns to Class 2-F. Hachiman is startled when Yuigahama walks up to him. "For now, you don't need to do anything, okay?"

"That's good news for me," Hachiman says as Yuigahama sits in the seat in front of him. "So, what are you going to do, exactly?"

"I'll ask the girls what they think. Girls would definitely know more about relationships in the class. And if you talk about someone you both hate, they can get carried away and say all sorts of stuff!"

"R-Really?" Totsuka stammered out. "I-Is that true, Yui?"

"O-Of course not…" Yuigahama trailed off. "...Um, I guess it's true…"

"Yui-san's right!" Isshiki exclaimed. "I remember talking to a few girls about some other kid in a different class. Even I was afraid of what they were saying!"

You know, you shouldn't sound so happy saying that. Totsuka might get the wrong idea, you knoooow?

Totsuka shuddered. "G-Girl-talk sounds s-scary."

Hachiman jumps slightly and looks away. "Girl-talk sounds scary."

"Even Hachiman agrees!" Zaimokuza exclaimed. "Girl-talk is an excuse for the elites to look down on the working class!"

I nearly snorted, but held it in. That's a funny analogy to think about.

Yuigahama crosses her arms. "Anyway, I'll do it, so don't worry!"

"Well, even if I tried asking around, they'd just ask, 'Who are you?' It's all yours."

Yuigahama enthusiastically nods, before she goes over to talk to Miura and Ebina. "Thanks for waiting!"

"Oh, so that's why you talked about them!" Miura exclaimed.

Ebina frowned and crossed her arms. "How disappointing. I thought Yui had finally seen the light!"

Yuigahama shuddered at the thought. "No way!"

The three girls start talking as Hachiman watches from his desk. "Yeah, I mean, like, don't you think Tobecchi and Oka-kun and Yamato-kun have been acting kinda weird lately?" Yuigahama starts.

"...Yuigahama-san, it appears that you have no sense of subtlety," Yukinoshita scolds her seatmate.

Yuigahama sheepishly rubbed her head. "Haha, sorry about that!"

"You have no sense of subtlety," Hachiman scolds her in his thoughts.

Yukinoshita whirled to face me with surprise. I only gave her a smirk. After a moment, she gave a smirk of her own and focused on the screen. As expected of my partner, to have the same idea as me!

…How many times does that make it where someone says the exact same thing someone on the screen was about to say? The amount of coincidences is starting to look suspicious. It's almost as if we've been scripted to say such things because of a lazy author!

…What am I thinking? There's no way the stupid god would script our responses. Wouldn't it find it much more entertaining to see our genuine reactions? Also, I'd have some serious concerns about our free will if a god could do that.

Outside of my thoughts, Yuigahama watched the interaction with a smile. Hehe, those two really think the same, huh? I… I really do want to support them. But, I can't help but feel jealous…

"I didn't think you were that kind of person, Yui," Ebina replies.

"Huh?"

"Eep!" Yuigahama yelped. "A-Ah, sorry about that!"

I raised an eyebrow at her behavior, but didn't look further into it.

"Look, don't you think that's like, kinda totally wrong?" Miura gets very close to Yuigahama. "You shouldn't talk about your friends like that!"

"No, I didn't mean it like that! I'm sort of interested, I guess."

"What? You like one of them?" Miura teases.

"What?! No way!" Yuigahama shouts, before scratching her cheek. "There is someone I'm interested in, but…" She trails off as she realizes what she said.

"Oh, really?" Komachi asked in a knowing tone. "Gee, I wonder who it could be~?"

Isshiki joined in. "Yeah, I really wond~er! There's just so many options~!"

"S-Stop it!" Yuigahama cried out, blushing heavily. "I-It's not the time!"

What are they talking about? From their tone, it definitely sounds like they're being sarcastic. That must mean that whoever she likes is obvious. But who? It can't be Hayama, I've never seen a single sign of anything between those two. And it's obviously not anyone else in the clique. Which leaves me, as the only other guy Yuigahama talks to. Gee, there's just no possible way it could be me! How could anyone- okay, I'm laying it on a bit thick.

…I'm not sure why I needed to go through that long-winded monologue. It was obvious Yuigahama had a thing for me back then. I'm already well aware of that. But at that point, I didn't really see it as "genuine." After I realized Yukinoshita l-l-loved me back, however, I wondered if, just maybe, Yuigahama's… crush? Love? Whatever it is, maybe it's genuine? The signs are there.

Well, it doesn't matter. Wait, that sounds too harsh. I almost sounded like one of those edgy protagonists for a second! I just mean that I'm happy with where I am. That's not going to change. I don't want to hurt Yuigahama. But if she confesses, I'm not going to say yes. I've already got the girl I like.

I glanced at the blushing pink-haired girl. I don't think she'll say anything, but I can't say for sure. After all, I'm not an expert on emotions. I'm quite literally the furthest thing from that. It's also entirely possible that I've gotten too arrogant and that she clearly doesn't feel anything more than friendship. At this point, anything could be the answer.

…Whatever the answer is, I won't run away.

Meanwhile, a few rows back, Miura sighed. It's really too bad Hikio's taken. All Yui had to do was ask, and we'd had him begging for her love! Instead, she waited too long, and now Yukinoshita has him wrapped around her finger!

Next to her, Orimoto watched the interaction between Yuigahama, Komachi, and Isshiki. I thought it was pretty obvious already, but Miura's friend has it bad for Hikigaya, eh?

"You like a boy?" Miura looks at Yuigahama with a teasing grin. "Come on, tell us who! We'll help you out!"

Now that's a terrifying prospect. Thank you Yuigahama for not subjecting me to that!

"Stop changing the subject!" Yuigahama cried out. "I'm interested in knowing, like, what their relationship's like."

"I know what you mean," Ebina cuts in, her glasses clouded over. "Is that what you're interested in? Actually, I am too."

Tobe looked surprised. "You were?"

For once, Ebina actually looked sheepish. "Erm, you might want to keep watching…"

Suddenly, I remembered what happened next. I immediately turned to Hiratsuka. "Put your hands over Tsurumi's ears. I don't think she wants to hear what comes next."

"Eh?" She raised an eyebrow at my words and lack of nickname. Then understanding dawned upon her. "Ah. I get it." Without an explanation, she followed my request.

Tsurumi jumped. "W-Wah?! W-What's happening?"

"It's for your own good, Rumi-chan," Hiratsuka explained sagely. Uh, older sensei of mine, you know she can't hear you if you're covering her ears, right?

"Yeah, yeah! It's like, they're kinda awkward, right?" Yuigahama replies.

"In my opinion… Tobechhi has to be the donut!" Ebina declares with a maniac look.

Tobe blinked. "I'm… the donut?"

My condolences to you, Tobe. This is about to get really weird.

"Huh?" Yuigahama says, confused.

"And Yamato-kun's, like, a freaking monster banana! But then Oka-kun comes into the picture with his Krispy Kreme glaze! I just know there's something going on between those three!" Ebina pushes Yuigahama further back as she declares her heart out. "But you know, but you know! What if all three of them are gunning for Hayato-kun?! You know, like, they're all holding back for each other's sakes? It's too perfect!"

"...Thanks for the advance warning, Hikigaya," Hiratsuka said with a wince.

"Yup," I responded. Gee, I really am a generous man, huh? I spared RumiRumi the crime of having to hear Ebina's yaoi rant! Ah, but Komachi still had to hear it. That's low on points, isn't it?

Tobe blinked. "Huh… it's another one of Ebina's rants? But, man, I didn't know I was in one of them! Super cool, dude!"

Did this idiot not hear a single word she said? Actually, I don't blame him for ignoring it. Still, you should know that it's yaoi related! And she said that you're after Hayama! If you don't deny it, Miura might really kill you!

Miura made a face. "Hina, you're cuter when you're not ranting like that."

"Hehe, you know how it is!" Ebina exclaimed, bonking her head. "Besides, I don't think there's anything wrong with-"

The yaoi lover was interrupted when she felt a cold presence next to her. "Hina. Ebina."

"AHH! Please forgive me, Kawasaki-samaaaaaaaa!" Ebina immediately prostrated herself. "I-It was in the past! I promise it won't happen agaaaaaaaain!"

Kawasaki blinked in surprise. "...Uh, you better keep your word?" I only said her name? Oh well, if it gets her to stop the yaoi stuff, then I'll take it.

"W-What happened?" Tsurumi asked, Hiratsuka's hands still on her ears.

Hiratsuka glanced at me. "Are we good now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we should be."

Tsurumi's ears were freed, followed by her glaring at me. "What was the point of that?!"

"It was necessary," I curtly replied. This was followed by a nod by Hiratsuka. "Let's just say that Ebina said something… ominous."

That didn't seem to convince RumiRumi, but I think she knew when she was in a losing battle, because she crossed her arms and looked back at the theater screen.

Ebina gets a nosebleed as Miura grabs onto her. "Hina, you're cute when you're not talking, so could you try to keep it down?" As she talks, Yuigahama just laughs in the background.

Later, Yuigahama apologizes to Hachiman and Yukinoshita outside of the classroom. "Sorry, I couldn't find out anything!"

"Well, you were going about things the wrong way from the start," Hachiman replies. "My turn now."

"What do you plan to do?" Yukinoshita asks.

"You're going to ask around?" Yuigahama wonders.

Hachiman smugly replies, "No, I'm going to observe." The two girls looked like they were concerned, but didn't say anything about it.

"He's going to observe?" Shiromeguri questioned. "Well, Hikigaya-kun does have his unusual solutions…"

Haruno giggled. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing!"

The scene returns to the classroom again. "Now, let me show you one of my 108 skills, human observation." Hachiman is shown listening to an mp3 player while looking asleep. "Only 30% of human communication is done through speech. We observe the other 70% through eye movements and small gestures. So if we look at this another way, a loner who doesn't talk is still performing 70% of the communication ritual."

Stop revealing the 108 skills, past self! At least this time, it was in my head, so I can't exactly blame myself for not thinking that my thoughts would be revealed. Hopefully it gets ignored.

"Really?" Yuigahama asked with surprise. "I didn't know that!"

"Hikigaya-kun is correct," Yukinoshita said with a nod. "Much of how we communicate is done through body language. If one was to communicate without the latter, the intention behind certain words may be lost."

Komachi pretended to wipe a tear off her face. "I'm so proud of Onii-chan! Now all he needs to do is apply that knowledge to real life!"

"Oi! That's low on points!" I exclaimed. How dare you imply that I don't talk to people, even if it's true! Er, wait, maybe not anymore. Wow, that's a weird thing to think about. The me on the screen would be cursing me right now for sure…

"So, he's going to use body language to find the culprit?" Shiromeguri asked with furrowed eyebrows. "I guess that could work?"

Yuigahama is shown sneaking a glance at Hachiman, before focusing back on the girls in front of her. "Am I wrong? I'm wrong, right?" Suddenly a hand starts waving in front of him, forcing him to redirect his attention.

It's revealed to belong to Totsuka, who happily greets Hachiman. "Good morning!"

Hachiman stares at him with a blush. "Can you make me miso soup every morning?"

"Uh, my bad," I said, my face slightly red. "Didn't know what came over me there." Had to make sure I said anything before anyone could call me gross!

Now understanding what Hachiman meant, Totsuka blushed. "I-It's a-alright!"

Yukinoshita, on the other hand, looked at me with a strange expression. Actually, what's with that? I was definitely expecting a glare there.

"Hikigaya-kun, would… would you l-like me to d-do t-t-that?" The raven haired girl was bright red by the end of her sentence.

Oh. That would explain it. God, that was too adorable! I'm going to die! My face was probably as red as hers.

"You better do it, Onii-chan!" Komachi chimed in. "It's free food! And it'll earn you some points!"

Eh? Since when have you cared about free food? "You just want to eat her food," I retorted.

"So do you!" Komachi shot back.

Well, she's not wrong. I gave her a shrug, before I looked at Yukinoshita again. Better make this quick, before my composure given by Komachi runs out. "If you really don't mind, I-I, uh, w-wouldn't mind…"

Yukinoshita's face still remained red, but a smile formed on her face. "If you say so, Hikigaya-kun."

Oi, where's your stutter?! Wait, that's not important. I'm now guaranteed to get miso soup every morning from Yukinoshita! Did I just win life? I was tempted to pump a fist, but I held in the urge. Someone's going to call that creepy.

"Yippeeee!" Komachi cheered. Why are you cheering? She never said anything about giving you any soup! I'm not even sure what gave you that idea. Unless she's glad that we "made progress on our relationship." That could be it.

"What does that mean?" Totsuka asks him.

"Uh, nothing," Hachiman smoothly dodges the question. "I was still half-asleep. Did you need something?"

"Have you decided on a group for the workplace visit yet?"

"What about you?"

"Me? I've already decided on one," Totsuka replies, nervously tapping his fingers together.

"Eh? I thought you were with Hikki and Hayato?" Yuigahama asked Totsuka.

The silver haired boy blushed. "A-Ah, um, I'll e-explain it later!"

"Well, that's a given. Totsuka's in the Tennis Club. It's not a stretch to think that he'd have friends in the class thanks to that." The scene momentarily changes to a view of the Service Club room, with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama glancing towards the camera, while Zaimokuza peeks in. "But as for me…"

Hachiman looks away. "Now that I think about it- or actually, I don't need to think about it- I don't have any friends that are guys."

"B-But not anymore!" Totsuka exclaimed.

I smiled. "Well, that's true." It's a good thing I've already accepted that I'm friends with Totsuka. It was getting a bit tiring questioning that all of the time. Though, where does that leave Zaimokuza? Eh, that's a question for another time.

"Um, Hikigaya-kun… I'm a boy," Totsuka points out.

Hachiman looks at him. "But can you really call us friends? Friends would probably…" He glances at the clique talking.

"Hayato-kun, where do you want to go?" Oka questions.

Hayama replies, "I'd love to see a mass media corporation or multinational firm."

Like I expected anything different, Haruno thought, glancing at the blonde boy. Of course he'd go there. How boring.

For some reason, Hayama felt a chill up his spine. As usual, he paid no attention to it, though it left him curious where it came from.

"Dude, Hayato, you, like, totally know what you want to do, broski!" Tobe exclaims, pointing a finger at him. "But, like, we have to start thinking about these things too, you know? Lately, like, I've got, like, total respect for my pops."

Yukinoshita pinched her nose frustratingly. "I feel like I've lost several brain cells just listening to that."

Took the words right out of my mouth. Like, what's with their, like, insistence on, like, using "like" all of the, like, time. Even trying to replicate their speaking pattern is exhausting. It's kind of impressive, in a way.

"H-Hey Yukinon, that's a bit harsh," Yuigahama protested.

"I apologize, Yuigahama-san, but I cannot take it back," Yukinoshita replied, holding her ground. "It would be untruthful of me, otherwise."

Yuigahama seemed uncertain for a moment, before she dropped it. "Well, Yukinon is Yukinon!"

Yamato puts a hand on Tobe's shoulder. "You gonna turn into a good student on us?"

"Whoa, hold up!" Tobe moves away from him. "All work and no play makes you an old geezer!"

Well, actually, the fact you're even working in the first place is a loss. So you might as well just go all the way. Especially you, Tobe. Maybe you'll finally attract someone like you said you would?

"Being able to talk like typical teenagers at the height of their youth may be what being friends is all about," Hachiman thinks as he observes the group. "I'd burst out laughing in the middle if I had to do that, though. It's impossible for me. But they're all on a first-name basis. That's a sign that they're friends."

"Is that so?" Hiratsuka chimed up with a smirk. "Curious, then, how you never use anyone's first name, Hikigaya."

"Oh, shut up," I retorted. "You know my feelings on that matter."

"Saika," Hachiman suddenly calls out Totsuka's first name.

For a moment, Yukinoshita was jealous at how easily Hachiman said someone else's first name, but she immediately squashed it. I have not heard him use Totsuka-kun's first name since we arrived here. Alas, it was likely a one-time moment.

Hiratsuka's smirk got bigger. "What did I just say, Hikigaya?"

I rolled my eyes. It was a one time thing, that's not the same!

Totsuka gives a shocked look back. "Sorry. That was-" Hachiman tries to apologize.

"Thank you!" Totsuka interrupts. "That's the first time you've called me by my first name!" Glitters sparkle around him.

"U-Um, I-I noticed you haven't used my name since then," Totsuka pointed out.

Oh dear, I knew he was going to mention that. "W-Well, I'm just not very good with first names…" I mumbled out.

Yukinoshita glanced at her partner. So I was correct.

"W-Well, if you're fine with it, then you should use it!" Totsuka exclaimed.

Seriously? Even after finding out about my thoughts about you? Well, I did call him a friend a few episodes ago. And Totsuka does strike me as someone who wouldn't judge someone harshly because of that. So… maybe I should?

"Uh, I'll try my best… S-Saika." Damn it, even though I've said it before, it still feels super embarrassing for some reason!

It was worth it, as Tots- Saika gave me a blinding smile. He really is a gift sent from- Seriously, even though I'm trying to not have weird thoughts, it's really difficult! Agh!

"Mou, Hikki, when will you use my name?" Yuigahama chimed up with a pout.

"Yeah, senpai!" Isshiki joined in. Oh brother, this is going to be a problem.

"You don't even use my last name," I countered Isshiki. "Seems pretty unfair to expect me to use your first name, you know?" It's not like I mind "senpai," but I turned to Yuigahama. I opened my mouth to retort, but then discovered that I had nothing. We were obviously close enough, so I couldn't use that. And I didn't mind her use of "Hikki" anymore, so that was not an issue either. "...Uh, I'm just a bit uncomfortable…" was my weak excuse.

"Boooooo!" Isshiki exclaimed. "Lame senpai!" In truth, she didhave a few… fantasies of Hachiman using her first name. So she couldn't help but feel some disappointment.

Yuigahama looked pensive for a moment. "I-I guess I get what Hikki means… But it just feels weird, y'know?" She sheepishly rubbed her head. "We've been in the service club for over a year, y'know?"

Excessive use of "y'know" aside, she isn't wrong. Aw man, am I actually considering this? Wait, what about Yukinoshita? She is my partner. Wouldn't calling another girl by their first name basically make me a playboy? Heh, that's a funny thought. Anyways, if Yukinoshita isn't comfortable with me using her first name, then there's no way I can use Yuigahama's.

"I guess you're not wrong," I began, glancing at Yukinoshita, "But, uh, I'd feel a bit weird if I also didn't include Yukinoshita. I technically knew her before you. I-If she wants of c-course." Dammit, I started stuttering at the end there. I really hope my face isn't red right now!

Yuigahama looked surprised, before grinning. "Of course! In fact, if you didn't, I'd scold you!"

"You? Scolding me?" I asked with a smirk. "Like your 'scolding' does much."

She pouted, but instead of retorting, she instead focused on Yukinoshita. "Well, Yukinon?"

Yukinoshita had been following the conversation wordlessly (she was between the two of them, so she couldn't exactly ignore it), not expecting much to come out of it. So she was surprised when Hachiman mentioned her, and she couldn't help but blush. After all, she did occasionally think about using his first name herself at times, though she always found some excuse to do otherwise. So to have an opportunity suddenly show up in front of her? I-I'm not prepared… I need time to think about it.

"I-I will need to think about it," Yukinoshita replied, trying to hold back a blush. Huh, I felt a pang of disappointment at that. Did I really want to use her first name that badly? Well, if she asked me to use my first name suddenly, I'd be thrown off too. Hm, for some reason I feel like I'm forgetting something.

"Ok, Yukinon!" Yuigahama cheerfully exclaimed. "Oh, and don't think I won't make you use my first name later!"

Yukinoshita hesitantly nodded, before we all finally returned our focus to the screen. Say, isn't it weird how our reactions seem to fit nicely in-between scenes? Like how the show seems to pause while we talk about it? Wait, that's breaking the fourth wall a bit much, isn't it? Pretend that never happened! Nothing happened!

…What was I thinking about again?

The camera zooms into Hachiman's eye as the background becomes dramatic. "What… did you say?"

"Can I call you 'Hikki' too?" Totsuka asked.

"Please don't."

"Then… 'Hachiman?'"

Hachiman blushes with a grin and points up three fingers. "Could you say that three more times?"

Totsuka starts to blush too. "Hachiman. Hachiman? Hachiman! Come on, are you listening to me?"

Miura looked disgusted. "That's super creepy."

Orimoto laughed. "Hikigaya is really all over the place!"

"Like, why would someone get so obsessed over a name anyways?" Miura questioned. "Not like it's a big deal anyways."

Hoh? You say that, but I bet the first time Hayama used your name, you probably acted really similar! Wait, am I going to act similar around Yukinoshita if she calls me Hachiman?

"Oh sorry," Hachiman snaps out of his trance as Totsuka looks away with a pout. "What were we talking about again?"

Suddenly, Hayama walks up to the pair. "What do you want?" Hachiman asks unenthusiastically.

Haruno snorted. Only Hikigaya-kun could get annoyed at Hayato-kun after barely talking to each other. I wonder if that annoyed him?

"Nothing, just wondering if you figured anything out," Hayama wondered.

"No," Hachiman replies, resting his head on his hand. He then glances at the three boys, who are standing by themselves without talking to each other. After a few seconds, he realizes what's going on.

Hayama notices this. "Did something happen?"

Hachiman smugly grins. "I've solved the mystery!"

"Eh? What?" Shiromeguri looked startled. "All he did was stare at them?"

"Yeah, dude, I'm like, so confused!" Tobe exclaimed. "I never heard about Ooka and Yamato doing anything!"

Kawasaki looked confused as well. "That's one point for Hikigaya, because I'm still lost," she mumbled out.

Ebina, however, immediately caught on. He figured it out pretty quickly. Heh, that's not surprising at all. The fragility of the clique is obvious to anyone who took a closer look.

Suddenly, the camera pans into the Service Clubroom like it's a dramatic scene. Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, Hayama, and Hachiman are all there.

"So? Did you figure something out?" Yukinoshita questions the loner.

Hachiman crosses his arms with a grin. "I don't know who did it. But I did realize something crucial. Those three are 'Hayama's' clique."

"Uh, yeah?" Tobe sounded like that was obvious.

"Onii-chan, you can't just look cool and then say obvious things like that!" Komachi exclaimed with a disappointed look.

While you earned points for calling me cool, I don't like the tone of your voice, young lady! "Just let me speak," I countered.

"Huh? Isn't that, like, obvious?" Yuigahama counters.

"Um… what do you mean?" Hayama asks.

"That was a bad way to put it. Basically, it only exists because of you," Hachiman explains, referring to Hayama.

Kawasaki's eyes widened. So he was alluding to the fact that Hayama is the one holding it together?

Tobe still didn't get it. "Huh? What are you talking about, Hikitani-kun?"

Miura, however, caught on. Didn't we all meet through Hayato? And, like, if he disappeared back then, I don't think we would have stayed together. That thought made her chest hurt. At least, things are better now.

Hayama gave his typical smile. "I'm sure we'll get an explanation in a moment, Kakeru."

"I wouldn't say that…" Hayama tries to counter.

"Hayama, have you ever seen how they act when you're not around?" Hachiman interrogates him.

"No, I haven't…"

"When you leave them to their devices, they don't talk much. Simply put, to each of them, you're a friend, but to each other, they're friends of a friend."

Tobe's eyebrows were furrowed as he recalled the scene from a minute ago. Then his eyes widened. "Dude! I totally didn't think about that! I didn't really hang out with Ooka and Yamato until the workplace visit! Hikitani-kun, like, you're the man!"

"Uh, thanks…?" I replied with some confusion. Was he calling me smart, or something else?

"Oh!" Understanding filled Shiromeguri's eyes. "So that's what Hikigaya meant!"

Haruno giggled. "Meguri, it took you some time to catch on!"

Shiromeguri pouted. "It's just that Hikigaya-kun is so cryptic! I never knew he was like this!"

Below them, Ebina chuckled creepily. "Ohohohoho. Hikitani-kun was paying attention to Hayato!"

"Ahem." Kawasaki cleared her throat.

"Of course, it means he was making sure to follow the request!" Ebina finished, her hands not trembling at all.

Kawasaki looked satisfied with that. "Yup, that's all he was doing."

Ebina internally sighed with relief. Saki-Saki is super scary…

Yuigahama and Hayama's eyes widen as they realize his point. "I totally know what you mean," she says. "When the person who keeps the conversation going leaves, it gets totally awkward. You don't know what to do and pull out your phone." Hayama puts a hand on his chin in thought.

"Oh, I totally get that!" Orimoto piped up. "It's really awkward, like what she said."

Miura glanced at her. "You've dealt with that?"

"Well, who hasn't? Other than Hikigaya, of course!" Orimoto laughed.

I heard that! I haven't acknowledged you much, Orimoto, but don't think that means you've escaped scrutiny!

Yukinoshita walks up to Hachiman, arms crossed. "Let's suppose what you said is true. It only reinforces the fact that the culprit is among them. I still believe we need to determine the culprit to put a stop to the problem."

Hachiman seemingly ignores her. "Hayama, if you want, we can solve the problem right now. We won't need to find the culprit, and they won't fight anymore. They may even come to be friends." He looks out the window for a moment, before making a creepy grin at the others. "Want to know how?"

The two girls make disgusted looking expressions, while Hayama looks curious.

"That grin of yours made me fear for my life," Yukinoshita commented, hugging her body. "It's quite uncanny how well the screen captured your creepiness. I'll have to congratulate the studio for managing such a feat."

Isshiki copied her. "What she said! Oh, but senpai can't help it, right?"

Tsurumi didn't copy their motions, but she couldn't help but pipe up. "Hachiman did look pretty creepy there."

Was any of that necessary? Especially your comment, RumiRumi! "Oi, it's not my fault that I couldn't smile back then," I replied. "And no, don't ask me to smile right now."

Hiratsuka snorted. "'Back then?' That's really funny, Hikigaya."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I'm being serious! I've noticed that no one has called my smile creepy in months! Unless everyone suddenly became nice and stopped insulting me? Hah, that's funny.

The scene returns to Class-2F, showing the chalkboard in front of the classroom. Various different groups are listed for the workplace visit, including one with Yamato, Tobe, and Ooka.

Hachiman is sitting in his seat, glancing at the group of three, who are happily talking amongst themselves. He sighs and closes his eyes.

"Mind if I sit here?" Hayama asks, taking the set in front of him. "Thanks to you, everything's all good now. Thanks again."

"I didn't do anything," Hachiman says, looking away. "I really didn't do anything. I just thought I'd drag Hayama into the way of the loner. The reason why they were fighting in the first place was because they wanted to be with Hayama. All I had to do was get rid of the cause. In other words, take Hayama Hayato out of the picture."

"And thus, you forced the other three to make a group," Hiratsuka stated the obvious. "Honestly, not a bad way to solve the request," she finished with a smile.

"Even I must admit it was adequate," Yukinoshita added with a soft smile, before it disappeared. "Although, I confess that I am still curious who began the chain letter in the first place."

I looked backwards at Tobe, who appeared to be in a conversation with Hayama. "Well, it probably wasn't him. He genuinely seemed angry at the chain letters, and we all know that he wears his emotions on his sleeve." Unless Tobe is an expert sociopath. That line of thinking is too laughable (and terrifying) for me to think about, so I immediately dismissed it.

Behind me, Miura frowned. "Did Hikio have to, like, phrase it like that?"

Orimoto smirked. "I think it's funny how dramatic he said it. It's like Hayama was eliminated!"

"That's why I don't like it…"

"Oh please. I'm sure if he said that about Yukinoshita-san, you'd find that funny."

Miura's lips curled up. "Heh. You aren't wrong about that. Still, I don't like it."

"I thought it was pretty funny," Hayama cut in with a smile.

"O-Oh. I-I guess if you thought it was fine…" Miura lightly blushed and dropped the subject.

Unfortunately for her, that didn't stop Orimoto from sending her a smirk. "Wow, you sure gave up quickly!"

"S-Shut up!"

Hayama speaks up with a smile. "They were really surprised when I said I wouldn't be in a group with any of them. Well, I just hope this gives them a chance to become true friends."

Hachiman sweatdropped. "Frankly, being as nice as this guy is almost like a mental illness in itself."

Haruno nearly burst out laughing, but she somehow managed to only let out a snort. Oh my god, Hikigaya-kun! I've never heard anyone call Hayato-kun mentally ill! Ah~, this is so refreshing to listen to!

Below her, Hayama heard the snort and flinched. She… she's laughing about that? I… guess it's not surprising. To her, Hikigaya must be an incredible puzzle she wants to solve. I don't blame her, since I feel the same way. He looked at the screen. Even I found his monologue funny. It might not be for the same reasons as Haruno, but she's an enigma. Sometimes, I still don't understand her.

Next to her, Miura's eyes flashed and she opened her mouth. However, Hayama put a hand on her and shook his head. The blonde haired girl looked conflicted for a moment, before she relaxed back in her seat.

"Hikitani-kun, you don't have a group yet, right? How about it?" Hayama asks, offering a hand.

Hachiman gives a horrified look at his hand. "What's up with this guy? Is he American?" He looks away, before agreeing. "O-Okay," he says in English, slapping his hand. "I replied in English, thanks to you."

"That seems like a waste of energy," Isshiki observed, before she whipped her head at me. "And I didn't know you could speak English!"

"Not really," I replied. "I only know a little bit. It's not like I held a whole conversation in English anyways. I bet Yukinoshita's got me beat there." I pointed my thumb at her for emphasis.

Yukinoshita nodded. "Hikigaya-kun is correct. As a member of the Yukinoshita family, it was required for me to learn the language early on, for business reasons."

"Ooh," Isshiki looked impressed for a moment, before shaking her head. "Senpai, you need to keep up with her!"

I glanced at Yukinoshita for a moment. "Maybe one day."

"I'll join in too!" Yuigahama exclaimed with an arm raised. "It'll be fun!"

Frankly, I have my doubts about you being able to learn English successfully. Prove me wrong, and I'll be a happy man! "Sure," I replied.

"Ow…" Hayama said, cradling his hand with a smile.

Suddenly, Totsuka walks up to the two with a determined expression. Hachiman seems a bit confused. "What's up, Totsuka?"

"Hachiman! What about me?"

"Huh? Wait, huh? But you said you'd decided-"

"Because I decided I'd be in a group with you from the start!"

Suddenly, Hachiman, Hayama, and Totsuka's names are shown on the blackboard together.

"Ooooh! That's what you meant, Saika!" Yuigahama piped up.

"Yup!" Totsuka replied.

"Alas, Saika, that may not have been a smart idea," Zaimokuza jumped in. "As Hachiman is a lord, you must have been aware of the possibility that his group would have filled up!"

Totsuka flushed. "W-Well, you're right, Yoshiteru…"

Zaimokuza nodded. "As long as you understand." Then, he smirked. "Had I been in the same class, the three of us would have made for an unstoppable group!"

I rolled my eyes at his antics, yet I couldn't stop myself from smirking. Now that would have been interesting. A group with Totsuka- er, Saika and Zaimokuza would have been… interesting. I'm not sure what other words I can use to describe that, honestly.

"All right," Hayama says, wiping his hands.

"I hope we have a good time!" Totsuka exclaims happily.

"At least you spelled my name right," Hachiman thinks with a mild blush.

Hayama chuckled. "Sure thing, Hikitani-kun."

I'll make sure you regret calling me that! I swear! Even if my actions say otherwise!

"Hachiman, when should we schedule it?" Totsuka suddenly asks, smiling at him.

"Is this what you call 'friendship'?"

Before Hachiman can reply, Miura chimes in. "I wanna go wherever Hayato's going!"

"Wow, no way?" Kawasaki snarked out.

Miura whirled to face the girl. "Excuse me?"

Kawasaki blinked with surprise. "Uh, did I say that out loud? Sorry about that, Miura-san," she replied insincerely.

"That's not the problem!" Unfortunately, Miura was unwilling to ignore what she said. "I-"

"Don't worry about it, Yumiko!" Ebina suddenly cut in. "It's just Saki-Saki doing her thing!"

"But-"

"Also, I wanna finish this episode!"

That stopped Miura for a moment, before she huffed and looked away. Ebina gave Kawasaki a wink, and whispered to her, "You owe me for that one."

Kawasaki blushed slightly. "Sure, as long as it's not yaoi."

"B-But Saki-Saki!" Ebina exclaimed. "How could you?!"

Kawasaki stuck out her tongue and returned her focus back to the screen.

A random group of girls come up to the blackboard. "Hayama-kun, is that where you're going?"

"I wanna go there too!"

"Hayato, you're awesome! Totally awesome!"

"You wanna go too?"

"Yeah! Yeah!"

"Hey, me too!"

By the end, the blackboard is barely visible, as everyone in the class appears to be in the front. The location picked by Hachiman's group is covered in names.

"Well, I'm pretty much invisible 24/7 anyways," Hachiman says as he's jostled to the side by the others.

Miura glared at the screen. "Look at all of those losers trying to suck up to Hayato!"

Hayama sweatdropped, but didn't argue the point. Rather it was Orimoto that spoke up instead. "That seems a bit rude… but from this point of view, I can totally see it."

"Yeah, like, you shouldn't go somewhere just because he's going there!"

"...Do you hear yourself?" Tsurumi unexpectedly replied. "Isn't that what you did?"

If it was anyone else, Miura would have likely yelled at them. As it was Tsurumi, however, Miura actually flushed in embarrassment. "I-It's not the same! We're just friends, so isn't it normal for friends to stick together? The other girls don't even know Hayato!"

Tsurumi looked unconvinced, but she didn't speak any further. As for me, I was very proud of her. Keep calling out the riajuu's hypocrisy, RumiRumi!

The scene changes to just outside Class 2-F, where a blue-haired girl is about to open the door. She stops, then walks away.

On the roof, Kawasaki leans against a wall and bounces a lighter in her hand, before the camera fades out.

4. Basically, He Has Few Friends.

ENDING PLAYS

"And that's the episode!" Zaimokuza declared. "An interesting episode for sure, but nothing too groundbreaking. The most noteworthy part of the episode was the beginning, in which…"

While Zaimokuza was mindlessly giving his review of the episode, the rest of the theater engaged in their own conversations.

"Look at you, Saki-Saki! All dramatic-looking at the end there!" Ebina teased.

Kawasaki uncharacteristically smirked. "At least the show knows what it's doing with me."

Ebina gasped. "Eh?! That sounds so unlike you, Saki-Saki!"

"I'm more curious why she turned around!" Shiromeguri piped up. "It sounded like she heard the sounds inside and decided she didn't want to deal with it?

Kawasaki nodded. "Honestly, I'm pretty sure that was it."

Back in the first row, I was thinking about the same scene as they were. It was the first time Kawa… saki-saki? That's what Ebina used, wasn't it? Anyways, that was the first time Kawasaki-saki has appeared in this show. I'm guessing the next episode will likely focus on her. Unless the show suddenly makes her a second protagonist, it'll likely be about her job. Well, her job at the time.

She won't like that, will she? I hope she's not too bothered by whatever gets shown. The bug and Kei-chan aren't here, so I don't think she should be worried about disappointing them. Wait, why am I concerned? I should be relieved that the focus is no longer on me!

…I can't help it, huh?

"Hey, Hikigaya," Hiratsuka suddenly piped up. I turned around with a curious look. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

Hiratsuka rolled her eyes. "I haven't said a word about it yet, but I can tell you're annoyed by all of this. Frankly, I'd be pissed if it was my life being shown." Then she lowered his voice. "I'm already a little mad, actually."

My eyes widened for a second, before I schooled myself. "Why are you mad?"

"Isn't it obvious? You're still a student, and you never consented to this. Once I found out what we were seeing, I was tempted to boycott it." Hiratsuka frowned. "But I saw what 'Our Glorious Voice-sama' did when we got here. Somehow, I knew that a boycott would be useless."

She's not wrong. There's no way the voice would have let any serious attempts to avoid the show from going through. "Yeah, that sounds about right," I replied.

"So, I figured the next best thing would be to keep an eye on you," Hiratsuka continued. "Thankfully, you seem alright for now. But I know you had a lot happen to you."

I nodded. "Yeah. Honestly, I'm not too concerned, since we're past those events. But… I do appreciate it. Really."

To my surprise, Hiratsuka rubbed my hair with a smile. "It's my job as a teacher to make sure any of my students are doing well." She pulled her hand away. "Just let me know if you need my help, aight?"

I gave her a thumbs up and a smile. "Got it." I turned back to the screen, feeling a little better than before. It feels… surprisingly nice to know that someone's as disturbed as I am. Yeah, I get that everyone here probably has their own reservations, but Hiratsuka's the first to directly tell me about them. I'm… glad.

Eventually, the ending ended, which was followed by a countdown showing up. Hmm, we've got three minutes until the next episode.

Sooooo, how was the episode?

Of course, the stupid voice arrives. Ugh, after what happened earlier, I've lost the energy to deal with… it. At least I'm not alone in thinking that they're extremely annoying, as I heard someone behind me groan.

"It was, like, alright," Miura muttered.

"Nah, it was super interesting!" Tobe exclaimed. "Man, the whole thing with me, Yamato, and Ooka was super interesting! I didn't know that us being together was an elaborate plan by Hayato, but I think it was really great that he did that!"

Very interesting! I'm glad you enjoyed it, Mr. Kakeru Tobe!

For some reason, Tobe felt a bit weirded out by its tone. "Uh, thanks?"

Anyways, the next episode will begin in a few minutes! Hope you enjoy it!

I probably won't, but thanks for your consideration, Voice-sama. Not.

Suddenly, I felt tapping on my left shoulder. Hm? What does Yukinoshita want? I looked at her, only to find her looking at me with a determined expression. And a mild blush too. Uh, what?

Yukinoshita took a deep breath. "I have reached my decision, Hikigaya-kun."

"Uh, what decision?"

"About your request to use my… f-first name."

Oh crap, I completely forgot about that! I heard a gasp from Yuigahama.

Yukinoshita took another deep breath. "I have accepted it. You are free to call me… Y-Yukino. The same goes for you… Y-Yui."

Yuigahama squealed. "Yukinon!" She leaped out of her seat to hug her. "Finally! It's been too long!"

I chuckled. "You sound like you just won the lottery." Admittedly, I felt the same way, though I'm much better at hiding it. Oh yeah, I technically need to give my permission too, right? "Anyways, uh, feel free to use Hachiman now, I guess."

Yuigahama- wait, I have to shorten that now. Anyways, Y-Yui exclaimed, "Hikki's better! But you need to use Yui!"

I sighed. "Yeah I know… Y-Yui." Ah, that's embarrassing.

Yuigahama's face went red, but she smiled. "T-Thanks, Hikki!"

I nodded, before focusing on Yukinoshi- sorry, just Y-Yukino. How am I stuttering this much in my thoughts? "So, uh, you wanna go first, or…?"

"Hachiman."

I blinked. That was Yukinosh- Yukino who said that? Without a stutter? "Uh, I heard that right, didn't I?"

Yukino sighed. "Is your brain deteriorating? A cranial nerve examination may be necessary. I fear for the future of your hearing."

"Oi. I just wasn't expecting you to say it so easily… Yukino." There. I said it.

Her face immediately reddened, but she still smirked. "How unfortunate. Perhaps I'll need to repeat my words for you, Hachiman?"

I crossed my arms and smirked. "Heh, go ahead Yukino."

Yukino opened her mouth-

"W-What about me?!" Isshiki suddenly cried out.

Ah. She's probably feeling very left out right now. "Call me something that isn't 'senpai,' and I'll think about it," I replied.

"Ehh?! But senpai is senpai!"

"And Isshiki is Isshiki."

She pouted, but it had no effect on me. Eventually, to my mild surprise, she relented. "W-Well, uh, I'll maybe think about it?"

Honestly, I thought she would either drop it or continue to insist. I didn't think that my "demand" would actually work. Should I take it back? Eh, she'll probably be annoying if I did.

"I'm super happy for you four!" Komachi barged in out of nowhere. "But the time's almost up!" She pointed at the screen.

Eh? Already? I looked at the screen, and yup, it was already at ten seconds. Huh, time sure goes by quickly. At least I feel a lot better than I did when the episode ended.

Welp, time to see what the next episode has in store. Maybe if I'm lucky, the privacy violations won't be so bad?

Haha, very funny.

---

Annnnnnnnnnnnd done! That's 24.9k words right there. "But superlance909, it says it's 27.4k words!" Well, the author's note is 1k words, though as for the extra 2k or so, you'll have to ask FF where the hell that came from.

I was hoping to have this done by June 7th (2023 for any future readers), in time for this fic's anniversary, but it ended up taking a little longer than I thought. As for why it took me this long to get this out? Well, I was simply busy with college. Engineering truly is difficult, huh? Much of this chapter was finished after school ended, after all.

That said, this chapter was actually kind of fun to write. Well, as fun as writing a reaction fic can be. My hope is to get started on the next episode very soon. Though, I'm likely going to get busy irl again soon, so who knows when that'll come out. 6 months again? I sure hope not!

Also, I do apologize for the interlude chapter. It's definitely the weakest chapter of this fic, considering that I messed up their chapters. I'm definitely not doing an interlude again for a while, even if I decide to add another character. I'll just make it part of the intro for that episode. That said, I'm not deleting it, as I'd have to seamlessly connect the end of Episode 3 with the beginning of this, and that ain't happening. So, it shall remain.

Anyways, onto the chapter itself.

I don't know why, but I have the unsettling feeling that I made a few characters OOC. If you asked me for examples, I couldn't tell you. Maybe everything is perfectly fine and I'm overreacting. I've felt this way in all of the past chapters, so it might just be a me thing.

Speaking of that, I hope Hachiman's rant at the start was okay. I felt like I needed to have that kind of scene in this episode. In addition, I also hope that his "relevation" about Yuigahama's feelings made sense. I personally think that he knew that Yuigahama "liked" him, but he never saw it as "genuine." At least, until the end of season 3. That's partially why I pointed out that Oregairu Shin didn't happen, as Yuigahama confessed to Hachiman in them. I won't lie, I haven't read the novels nor have I watched the new OVA, so maybe my interpretation is just wrong. But that's what I'm going with.

Isshiki's feelings is a whole other can of worms. I'll probably touch on that eventually, but not yet.

Moving on, I'm curious what you all think about the decision to move to first names at the end there. Frankly, if I'm being real, I should have had Yukinoshita already using Yuigahama's first name at the start of this story. But eh, it is what it is. Hachiman using their first names might be a controversial change, but to me it makes sense. I feel like it's in line with his character. But I can see arguments saying otherwise.

Along those lines, I admit that I wasn't quite sure what to do with Isshiki. I didn't think Hachiman using her first name was the right move, but I couldn't really think of a good reason. So if the whole "Use my actual name" thing doesn't really make sense, that's why.

Beyond them, I'm also a little unsure if I balanced the reactions well. Obviously some characters get more reactions than others, but I try my best to cycle through them if I can. And I'm not really sure if I really got it this episode. Maybe I'm overreacting, but that's just what I think.

I think that's it on that front?

Thank you everyone for all of the reviews! I've made sure to read them all, and while there was an uptick in more negative reviews, I still read them! And to those who put a positive review, thanks a lot! I definitely got motivation from those! So keep them coming!

Finally, be sure to check my profile for status updates, as usual! I'll see you whenever Episode 5 comes out (hopefully sooner rather than later).

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