1Chapter 5: More Feathery Wreaths and Fashion Issues
Days till wedding: 7
Task: Cake Construction
Location: Kitchen:
"Mika, Are those peach rings? You didn't tell me we had peach rings! I want a peach ring!"
"Kurda, you officially have one second to stop pulling my arm before I kill you."
"Mika, just give him a peach ring so he'll leave us alone and we can finish the cake."
"Yeahh! Puh-leaaaaaaaaaaaase?"
"No!"
"Why?"
"Because they're mine!"
"Mika, think about the consequences of your actions. If you do not consent to providing Kurda with a peach ring, he will most likely report his situation to our supervisor. And if that happens, there is a good chance that we will be reported to Mr. Creplsey. And he is apt to give us a less desirable task than cake creation, so if the sacrifice of a single peach ring will keep us out of the construction room, I would recommend consenting to his needs." said Paris diplomatically.
Mika made a noise that could have come from a tiger at the dentist's. He pulled a peach ring from the container, and whipped it at Kurda's head, from which it bounced off. Kurda happily bent down, grabbed it off the floor, and retreated from the kitchen at top speed.
Location: Larten's room
Task: Dress Fitting
"Please tell me this is not the final product." Larten growled from his bed as his bones slowly mended.
Darren whimpered something incomprehensible.
"Madame Octa requested a halter neckline, Darren. Do you even know what that means?"
"No." Darren sighed. He had toiled all night, gone through 3 energy drinks, and probably wrecked his eyes to sew together a spider-sized wedding dress, only to suffer the displeasure of both the bride-to-be and her caretaker.
"Neither do I." Larten added bitterly, to Darren's surprise. He had no idea his mentor was capable of not knowing something.
"Can she... describe to us what she wants?"
"She said "halter neckline". I do not think it would be wise to trouble her any further."
Darren frowned. "We need someone who really knows this sort of stuff."
"Someone who has every issue of Vogue under his coffin."
"The only living organism in a 500 mile radius who owns a hair straightener."
"It's Kurda time."
Several text messages later, the infamous blonde came cruising into the fitting room.
"Did someone call for assistance from the style master?"
"Yeah... what's an... um... halter neckline?" Darren felt incredibly hopeless asking the Style Master for advice.
"Well." Kurda began, giving Darren the feeling that he was in for a lecture. "There are several types of halter necklines. Many halter dresses have a tie or clasp behind the neck. Other halter dresses have a knot front. The straps on halter dresses can be soft and wide or spaghetti thin. The latest halter dresses feature the cutaway halter neckline. The halter is set with a narrow or wide band on a circular yoke. The wide band on cutaway halter dresses is usually embellished with sequins, embroidery or stones." he recited in one breath.
"Why did you not utilise the words "like" or "totally", etcetera in that speech?" Larten inquired curiously.
"I like, memorized a paragraph on page 47 of the May 08 issue of Teen Vogue! I didn't know where I coulda put them."
"I see... "
Location: Hall of Princes
Task: Feathery Wreath-Hanging
"Higher!"
"Lower, dammit!"
"Don't listen to him! Make it higher!"
"A little to the left!"
"NO, higher, and a LOT to the right!"
"Lower to the left!"
"I SAID HIGHER!"
"That thing is an abomination. An abomination that has to be moved lower and to the left!"
At this point, Arrow tackled Seba. They fell to the ground in a writhing heap, with Arrow's hand's covering Seba's face, so Harkat (atop the famous giant ladder) couldn't hear him.
"Okay Harkat, unless you want that ladder smashed out from under you, put it higher and 5 inches to the right." Arrow growls viciously.
"Arrow, what is... wrong?" Harkat called down nervously. As the wedding plans progressed, the Prince's mood had gotten worse and worse.
"THAT DAMN WREATH NEEDS TO BE MOVED HIGHER AND TO THE RIGHT, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!" he bellowed at the top of his lungs.
Harkat moved the wreath accordingly (one down, 49 more to go), and decided he would talk to Darren about Arrow's rotten mood later. Arrow always had a moody streak, but this was getting ridiculous.
After all, a Vampire Mountain wedding couldn't get much more fun.
Chapter 6: Darren, We Have A Problem
"They see me rollin', they hatin', they hopin ' they gon' catch me ridin' dirty... " Darren mumbled under his breath as he stuffed a bouquet of flowers that was almost as wide as him into a vase that was almost as tall as him.
"I do not think... that is an... ideal choice... for a wedding song, Darren." Harkat remarked as he wrestled another batch of flowers into another obtrusively large vase.
"I like that song." Darren grunted as he stuffed in the last of the heinous white roses. "It reminds me of happier times."
"I know, but... we have to... stay on task. Remember what will... happen if we... don't? Remember what..Mr. Crepsley said?"
"Don't even start, Harkat!" Darren snapped, alarming the Little Person. "You've been the only living organism in this mountain who isn't driving me out of my head with this wedding stuff so far, so please, just let me feel like everything's normal again... for now."
"I know what... you're thinking." Harkat admitted. "We are all getting... a little bit... screwy, I guess. Screwy would be... the word I... would use."
"Agreed." Darren grunted, grabbing another armload of flowers. He thrust it roughly into the last of the vases, and stepped back to admire his handiwork. The wedding stage was completely bedecked with flowerful vases, tall candlesticks, sacks of flower petals waiting to be thrown (by Kurda), a elegant wooden archway draped with white satin curtains, and a little pedestal where Madam Octa and the Grey Spider would officially tie the knot.
Harkat joined Darren as they observed the set-up.
"And we call ourselves Vampires." Darren commented.
"I don't." Harkat chuckled.
Darren was spared answering as the door to the Hall of Princes came crashing open.
"DARREN SHAN, YOU BETTER HAVE AN EXCELLENT REASON FOR THIS!" a shrieking voice interrupted their musings. The junior Vampire and the Little Person did a double-take.
"Oh no... " Darren whimpered. "He's mobilized!"
I want... one of those!" Harkat exclaimed, wide-eyed.
Larten Crepsley was careening into the hall. In a bright red wheelchair. Pushed by Kurda.
"Well? I require an explanation!" the mentor screamed ragefully.
"To what?" Darren yelped, holding Harkat up like a bullet shield.
"Honestly Darren. Even you cannot be so irresponsible. Madam Octa requested to have her shower party tonight, and absolutely zero preparations have been made! You have been aware of this for over a week!"
"I have?"
"YES you bumbling human! We had a meeting about this exactly 8 days and 4 hours ago!"
"That's the one where you were sleeping" Harkat pointed out helpfully.
Darren thought quickly. He was good at that. It was a skill required for day-to-day aversion of disaster
"Um... I have an idea?" he proclaimed after 2.7 seconds of mental brainstorming.
Larten arched an orange eyebrow. Darren proceeded.
"We could have it... the day after tomorrow?" he suggested with a profound lack of control, confidence, and charisma.
"I have a better idea, Darren." his mentor replied in the iciest of tones. "Begin making arrangements, because the bridal shower starts in 3 and a half hours."
Darren assumed the facial expression of a dying fish. Harkat produced his lime green phone and began to spread the word via text message:
All hands on deck. We're screwed. Thank Darren.
7.5 minutes later (which is currently the gang's fastest time for emergency gathering) everyone (with the exception of Larten who had been wheelchaired back to his room to continue recovering free from stress and Darren) was collected in the front of the hall of Princes, being assigned respective tasks, yet again.
"Okay guys, I know this is really short notice, even by my standards, and you're all blaming me for this." Darren began his usual I-need-your-cooperation speech.
"I'm not... blaming you." said Harkat with love.
"I am." Mika glared.
"Weddings suck." Arrow contributed.
"When I was your age, we did not fritter away valuable time on abomination festivities, we got the wedding over in half an hour and went back to our daily lives and continued being productive." Seba felt compelled to add.
"I simply want this over with." said Paris. "And I blame Darren."
"Am I invited to the party?" was all Kurda wanted to know.
"So this is the plan." Darren continued. "Paris, Mika, and Kurda, we need food. A whole lot of food. Some of it has to be spider-friendly."
"And do not forget... the lime green... and hot pink... Vex." said Harkat helpfully. "Madam Octa... requested those flavours... personally. I was awake at the planning meeting."
"Spiders like Vex. Who knew. Next item! The D-word!" Darren continued with slightly more 3 C's.
Everyone looked completely stumped.
"D-word... um... Darren?" Kurda ventured a guess.
"Close enough. DECORATIONS!" he yelled, pumping his fist into the air. The only living soul who shared his enthusiasm was, quite obviously, a certain stereotypical blonde. "This one's going to be in the hall of Khledon Lurt, not the Hall of Princes. We're not taking any chances on messing the wedding stuff up. We're going to need lime green and hot pink streamers, balloons, tablecloths, confetti, whatever you can find. Arrow, Seba, and Harkat, this is your department. I'll be preparing the music table. Go!"
His spectacular conclusion brought forth less enthusiasm than he hoped.
"Did I mention Mr. Crepsley will personally slaughter every single one of us if this party doesn't turn out perfectly?"
The troops mobilized and began to move towards their work stations, but they still weren't moving fast enough for Darren's satisfaction...
"Whoever is the most helpful gets unlimited sharpie for a whole month!"
The room was clear in 3.2 seconds.
Chapter 7: Drunken Uncles and Conga Lines
Darren has seen a lot of scary things in his life. Freak shows, boy-eating Wolfmen, mad Vampaneze, deranged bears and boars, Trials of Death, Pits of Stakes, you name it, he's seen it. But one horrible night, he found himself staring at something too frightening to possibly put into words.
It wasn't Kurda doing a table dance while holding a hot pink drink.
It wasn't the Guardians of the Blood forming a Conga line
It wasn't a colony of spiders "dancing" with one another.
It wasn't Seba and Harkat mixing every liquid they could find, (alcohol, blood, chocolate milk, and everything in between) and chugging them faster than you could flit.
It wasn't Crazy Uncle Vancha bursting into the Hall unannounced. (Although what wedding would be complete without the drunken uncle?)
It wasn't "Boom Boom Pow" blasting over the stereo (song selected by a certain stereotypical blonde).
It wasn't half a clan of Vampires doing party-type things under the same roof.
It was all of these things plus more. So much freakin' more.
"What's Vancha doing here?" Darren groaned as he was almost trampled by a horde of Generals rushing to greet the green-haired newcomer. "He shouldn't be here, there's always supposed to be one Prince away from the mountain, just in case-"
"-the party gets... out of hand?" Harkat finished his sentence.
"Well yeah!" Darren said in frustration.
"Mr. Crespsley, did you see-"
"Nooooo Dah... dah... daaar... uhhhh dear, I seem to has misplaced you... your... "
"Mr. Crepsley, it's me Darren!" he groaned. Despite his constant preachings on the importance of sobriety, it seemed the orange-haired Vampire had been taking full advantage of the open bar at the other end of the hall. Guests could choose from giant fridges stocked with dozens of types of beer, wine, fruity drinks, blood (both in the diet and original varieties), all sorts of juice boxes, great jugs of chocolate milk, and a whole separate fridge full of fruit and whipped cream for topping drinks. (And there was a container of little cocktail umbrellas on the counter, placed by Kurda.)
On the plus side, Mr. Crepsley had been satisfied with the set-up of the bar, Darren had been able to set it up in less than an hour due to Mika and Arrow's knowledge and skill at such things. On the down side, he owed them big for agreeing to share their secret supply of party drinks. On the down side, the supply of beverages seemed to be endless, and of course endless drinks tend to wreak havoc, no matter how strong one's metabolism is. The party had only been raging for an hour, but there were already several Vampires passed out on the floor, and even more running wild throughout the Mountain.
"Never mind!" Darren growled, bypassing the inebriated Larten. If something happened and all 5 Princes died leaving nobody in charge, it wasn't Darren's problem. He opted to take a seat next to Mika and Arrow, who were working the door prize table. Door prizes were a common occurrence at human wedding parties, but it was a new concept to the Undead population, who were having a fabulous time buying as many tickets as they could and distributing them in their respective containers in hopes of winning some of the spectacular prizes that had been ordered on eBay.
"How's it goin?" Darren asked redundantly as he sat on the prize table between a giant package of designer underwear and a bright orange wheelbarrow filled with beach accessories. This must be Kurda's corner, Darren guessed.
"I seriously hate parties." Arrow grunted.
"That's a lie. You had fun at the Festival of the Undead!" Darren contradicted.
"That was a traditional Vampire celebration, not a laughable human fling."
"True." Darren admitted.
"This thing is almost over, right?" Mika added.
"It's going to continue late into the day, actually." Darren answered politely.
Mika made a signature Unimpressed-Mika noise. Arrow gave Darren a look of pure irritability and walked away.
"What's his problem these days?" Darren snorted, "His attitude sucks even more than usual."
"I figured it would be obvious for a smart boy like you, Darren." Mika replied with arched eyebrows.
A mob of hyperactive partygoers dropping tickets prevented Darren from answering. In all honesty, he had no idea, so he moved on, resolving to worry about Arrow later.
His feet carried him over to the snack table, where Harkat, Paris, and Seba were making sure guests didn't take the entire vat of bat broth or the entire barbecue of meat.
"I do not approve of mixing our traditional staple foods with this abomination electric-fired-powered-dead-animal-roaster!" Seba squawked as soon as Darren was within earshot, meaning he didn't like how the Vampire food and the human food were in such close proximity to each other.
"I do not... mind the barbecue." said Harkat, opening and closing the lid to examine the slowly roasting hot dogs, burgers, and steaks. "I can almost... imagine what they... taste like."
Darren selected a juicy hotdog and placed it carefully in the bun (earning a suspicious glance from Seba, who had never seen a hotdog) and topped it with his old-fashioned human favourite toppings. Immediately he was immersed in distant memories from his human life, running around the backyard with his sister and friends at family barbecues...
But he swallowed the bite of hotdog and the memories disappeared along with it. In place of his old friends, he now had Harkat, Larten, Mika, Arrow, Paris, and Seba, and in place of his sister, he had Kurda. He even had a pet spider again... only the thing was getting married.
"Darren, I would like... very much to try... a bite of the... hotdog." Harkat announced, picking a 'dog and placing it in the bun as Darren had, and proceeding to pile on as many toppings that would fit, as though if he added enough flavour, he might actually be able to taste something.
"I like... hotdogs." he reported several seconds and bites later. "Better texture than... dead animals."
"But dogs are Vampire's natural enemies!" Seba wailed, trying (and failing) to rip the hotdog from Darren's fists. "Their blood is poisonous! You are condemning yourself to a miserable dishonourable and abominable downfall!"
"Seba, Seba Seba!" Darren intervened. "It's not a dog. It's... I dunno exactly," Darren admitted, "but it's definitely not a dog... I think." he made a mental note to google that query later, what the heck are hotdogs made of? But for now, he decided to move on again, before Seba could find out that Darren had replaced his coffee with chocolate milk.
He moved slowly through the crowd, on the lookout for Mr. Crepsley. If his mentor had sobered up, Darren could ask him how Madam Octa wanted the wedding gifts arranged. And if he hadn't sobered up, Darren would have to make sure he didn't come to any harm. He felt something slam against his leg, and looked down to see a rather large Vampire General appearing to have a seizure. However, a second glance revealed that he was actually doing the worm. To his right, two Guardians of the Blood were dancing in a way that made Kurda's moves look normal. To his left, on the stage... was the happy couple themselves, Madam Octa and her fiancee of an unknown name. They had their forelegs on each other's shoulders and were shaking and jumping around in a disturbing yet oddly charming manner. They were actually moving to the beat of the music, which was -Darren took a moment to listen more carefully- "Why Not" by Hilary Duff!
"Kurdaaaaaaaa... " Darren groaned, changing his course so he could get to the table where the iPod stereo was stationed. This party playlist needed to be revised, fast. Luckily, nobody present seemed to have a clue who Hilary Duff was. Had they known, Darren would be at the bottom of the Pit of Stakes by now. But by the time he reached the stereo, Mika had already resolved the situation, choosing a rocky dance song, which was far more appropriate for a spider wedding party. Leaving Darren in the clear to continue his search for his mentor. He browsed the Hall of Princes, aka Party Central for almost half an hour, revealing no sign of Larten. What he did find was Harkat and Vancha crowd surfing and having a great time, Kurda trying to crowd surf with less success, Seba stumbling around from caffeine withdrawal, and Mika and Paris leading the conga line, which now included 80 percent of the crowd.
He left the Hall to continue his search more extensively, partly because the giant pile of gifts couldn't just stay in the Hall permanently, partly because he genuinely wanted to make sure Mr. Crepsley was indeed in one piece, partly because he wanted to inquire about Arrow, and partly because he just missed the orange-haired Vampire's presence, however controlling, confident, and charismatic it may be.
A sweep of the kitchen revealed no Larten, although several couples of Guardians of the Blood were using it as a make-out room. Eek. His next destination was the living room, where his DVD collection was being ransacked. The room contained no Larten, but Darren was careful to evacuate his collection of Family Guy DVDs before continuing on his way. However, he had no more luck as he scoured all the major hallways, some smaller ones, and all the bathrooms. Finally figuring his mentor must have gone sensibly to bed, he made his way up to the highest chambers in the mountain to make sure Mr. Crepsley was nestled all snug in his coffin with images of spider wedding dresses dancing in his orange-haired head. But as he creaked open the coffin lid, preparing to be met with a barrage of angry complaints, it seemed he was indeed mistaken, and the inebriated Larten Crepsley was still at large in the Mountain.
Deciding that his mentor must be moving around through the Mountain and they just kept missing each other, Darren decided to head down to the Essie Chamber, where the infamous ivory white Cadillac Escalade was stored. Partly to see if Karten was using the vehicle as a hideout, and partly because he felt like reclining in the driver's seat, blasting "Ridin' Dirty", and letting memories wash over him, or some nice cheesy thing of that nature.
He picked his way slowly through the halls of the Mountain, it seemed the party had spilled out of the Hall of Princes and was officially out of control. He resolved to agonize about the clean-up procedure later. He was stopped several times on his quest, once to wait for the Guardians of Blood's Conga line to pass, once to point Seba in the direction of the restroom, once to greet Crazy Old Long-Lost Uncle Vancha who wanted a hug, once to get a tiny glass of champagne for Madam Octa and her man to share, once to rescue Kurda from being wiped off the face of the earth by Mika after playing a Jonas Brothers song.
When Darren finally reached the Essie, a quick scan revealed that no one was sitting in the driver's seat, but when he climbed behind the wheel, he saw that the front passenger seat was leaned back as far as it could go so nobody could see it from outside the vehicle. And in the seat lay...
"Arrow?"
The moody, bald Prince was holding an old-looking photo, and staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Darren." he answered, sitting up and looking slightly guilty. "Sorry... I thought Mika had the drinks table under control, and I didn't think there was anything else to be done, so I had to come down here and um... think."
"Who's that in the picture?" Darren blurted out suddenly, immediately regretting it when he saw Arrow's eyes suddenly become very dark, looking like they'd seen more than anyone should be forced to see. "I mean, um, sorry?" he squeaked nervously, knowing full well that if Arrow decided to take him out here and now, his body wouldn't be found for weeks. Plus, there would be bloodstains on the Essie!
"I guess nobody told you about this, huh Darren?" Arrow said dejectedly. "But you had to find out sometime. She's my wife."
"The one that got killed by Vampaneze?" Darren blurted out again, instantly giving himself a mental smack that would have come from Mr. Crepsley, had he been present.
"That would be the one." the older Prince confirmed with a desolate expression.
Darren looked at his feet. Arrow heaved a long sigh. All was quiet for a good five minutes.
"I'm sorry." Darren broke the silence finally.
"So am I." Arrow replied stonily. "In over almost 100 years, I haven't gotten over it, and I'm letting my personal feelings impact upon important matters, even if it's only a spider wedding... As a Prince, it is my duty to put the needs of my clan and their spiders before my own emotions."
Darren knew Arrow meant what he said, but there was an undeniable emptiness in the words.
"What was your wedding like?" he ventured a question after another long period of silence. To his surprise and relief, Arrow smiled slightly.
"It was simple but unforgettable." he explained wistfully. "It was on a beach on the North shore, with only her and me, the priest, her family, a few of her friends... and Mika." he added with a smile. Darren couldn't help but smile too at the thought of Mika being a Best Man.
"And her dress... the only thing I remember as well as her face... it was the only thing I saved, after... the attack." he shivered slightly as he said this.
Darren couldn't meet the other Prince's eyes, and they lapsed into another long silence, until Arrow whispered,
"I miss her more than anyone knows."
"You should talk about her." Darren suggested honestly. "It helps." he added, recalling the times he'd stayed up late with Evra or Mr. Crepsley, discussing his old home and family, and his lost friend Sam Grest.
"It is not my duty as a Prince to share my innermost feelings with my clan. To serve, guide, lead, and protect is our goal. Not to talk about stuff that actually matters." he replied bitterly.
"What if you talked to us as your friends and family, instead of as your clan?"
Arrow looked Darren in the eye, long and hard.
"You might be surprised at who might understand exactly how you feel." Darren encouraged me.
"You think like a human, young Shan." Arrow commented.
"Damn proud of it!" Darren snorted.
Arrow cracked a typical Arrow-smile: slightly moody, yet radiating loyalty and friendship. Then he pressed the PLAY button on the Essie's stereo, and leaned back in his seat and pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. Darren did the same.
They see me rollin', They hatin', Patrollin' and tryna catch me ridin dirty, tryna catch me ridin dirty...
Chapter 8: The Calm Before The Fail
You've probably heard the expression "The calm before the storm." and if you haven't, it's quite self-explanatory. In this situation, "the calm" took place on the evening before the wedding. The Calm included Kurda splayed out on the floor listening to his iPod with earbuds, for once, so as not to unleash the wrath of Mika. Larten had thankfully sobered up, and was creating a large poster covered with all kinds of pictures of Madam Octa, from her hairy spider childhood to her last days in the Cirque Du Freak. Seba had been given a task to keep himself occupied: roll out a long red carpet down the middle of the Hall of Princes for the couple to walk down. Harkat was starting to set up some of the chairs in straight, easily accessible rows, every so often reminding Seba not to rearrange them. Paris, Mika and Arrow were constructing a massive cake. (For obvious reasons, Seba and Kurda were restricted from accessing the kitchen at this point.) From what Darren had heard, it was going to be 8 stories tall, complete with models of the happy hairy couple on top.
And Darren was still trying to pick out a perfect wedding song. He racked every playlist on his iPod, searching for the one that screamed "Madam Octa and Scary Grey Spider FOREVER!"
"I love just who you are, I ain't gon try to change it, you are my shooting star, that's why you are my favourite... "
Too trippy.
"We all wanna believe in love, we all wanna believe in something, bigger than just us... "
Too Hanney Montanney. (This, however, was Kurda's first pick.)
"It's a love story, baby just say yes!"
Too... no. Just no. Not for a spider wedding.
"Sweet thing... the moon is high and the night is young, come on and meet me... "
Too twangy.
"I'd give it all, I'd give it to us, give anything but I won't give up... "
Waaait a minute... Darren examined the album information. Nickelback's "Far Away'' had a beautiful ring to it, singing of love that was neither sappy, goopy, gushy, slushy, or mushy, but strong, true, deep, beautiful and genuine. The music was fit for any time period, with no creepy techno or sudden electric bursts.
"I love you... I have loved you all along. I miss you... been far away for far too long... "
With a jolt he realised that he and Debbie had listened to this song together, holding hands the whole time. Suddenly...
"I wanna have your babies! Get serious like crazy!"
An upward glance revealed that Kurda had taken over Darren's iPod, and was injecting the perfectly planned wedding playlist with his most favourite songs.
"There's a baby! Here's one! There's another! Oh there's one! Oh babies babies BABIES babies babies BABIES!"
Darren slammed his head against the table. He didn't want to think about babies until this wedding deal was buried deep in the past.
It was finished. Darren couldn't believe it, but it was true. Everything was done. The cake had been made (and was being heavily guarded), the Hall of Princes had been beautifully decorated to within an inch of its life, Kurda had stitched together a cute little dress that Madam Octa was currently putting on, and everyone had pitched in to turn the Hall of Khledon Lurt into the ultimate reception party pad, complete with more drinks, bigger food, louder stereos, and brighter strobe lights than last week's Buck n Doe party had been. Darren wondered how much it would cost to bring a professional clean-up crew into the mountain when the thing was over and done with.
He wandered up to Larten's chamber, where his mentor was changing out of his red robe-into a red suit with a bright orange tie. Darren was wearing his good ol' pirate suit from back in the day when he was part of Madam Octa's Cirque Du Freak act.
"Ah, Darren. You look sharp." Larten commented without looking up. He was leaning on his desk, flipping through an old photo album. Darren looked closer, it was an old scrapbook full of old pictures. When Larten noticed Darren looking, he slammed it closed, but not before Darren noticed a picture of someone very familiar.
"Hey, that's me!" he protested.
"I have several snapshots of you from years ago." Larten replied, holding his album protectively.
"I wanna see! You know I haven't seen a picture of myself since I was blooded?" Darren begged. (Although he was more interested in seeing what Mr. Crepsley was hiding.)
"No." the old Vampire replied with a smile, replacing the album on his desk and grabbing Darren by the shoulder and steering him out of the room.
They trekked down to the Hall of Princes, where they met up with the rest of the gang. Darren scanned the group, they looked exactly as he had expected them to: Mika (bridesmaid #1) was wearing a black suit with a blood-red tie, Arrow (bridesmaid #2) was wearing a dark maroon one, Kurda (the flower girl) had gone with a powder-blue tux with a hot pink and lime green tie, Seba (the Maid of Honour) was wearing a disturbing purple dress shirt paired with pineapple patterned shorts and Uggs. (and he was prepared to yell at anyone who disagreed with his fashion choices.) Harkat the Usher looked like a cool little security guard in a black tux, a yellow tie, dress shoes, and oversized sunglasses. And Paris (who had taken over Harkat's role of minister due to Harkat's speech impediment and the fact that he was too short to be seen behind the microphone table thingy), who would be presiding as the priest for the ceremony looked the most traditionally Vampiric in a white robe. (However, he was wearing several large and blingy rapper-style rings, earrings, and necklaces.)
Darren smiled and took a picture.
Larten reminded everyone to remain on their best behavior, then left to fetch Madam Octa and escort her up the aisle.
Darren suddenly remembered that he'd forgotten to hold a rehearsal.
Control, confidence, charisma, FAIL.