Shot of Randy Marsh next to an old lady pushing a trolley on a train, "Welcome to the Hogwarts Express." He flings open a cabin door revealing several violated-looking pre-teens. "Most people on this magic school train are on their way to get an education in witchcraft, but for twenty of these people." Randy steps forward to four adjacent cabins with their doors all open, all full of people sitting in intense silence, "they're about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime."

The camera pans into a train cabin, and a skeletal pale waif is chomping on her fingernails. A handsome twink sat across from her; his skin glittered in the sunlight. Cut to an Asian girl glancing out the window pensively. Randy, in voice-over, "They'll be divided into tribes, put through grueling challenges, and forced to build a new society. They must adapt, or they'll be voted out of the tribe." Shot of a huge homeless-looking older man, an Indian girl sits next to him uncomfortably.

"I may not have done as well in school, but I make up for it in practical knowledge," Ron making some gay sparkles with his wand.

"I'm a prefect, star athlete, and top of my class. I think I'll be looked to as a leader," Cedric's smoldering eyes piercing into the camera.

"My name is Minerva, I'm sixty-two years old, and I'm a teacher," McGonagall folding her hands neatly in confessional.

Randy jumps onto a tea cart, "With magic involved, ANYTHING is possible." The camera lingers on a ginger boy cracking his knuckles.

"I dropped out of school to open a weed store; I'm a natural hustler," George gave the camera a cheeky wink.

"Name Winky and Winky cooks for a living," Winky looking very tired and malnourished, brushing some dust off her tunic, "Once they get a taste, Winky won't go anywhere."

Hermione stroked her cat Crookshanks, "Survivor is a crooked mistress, thankfully I have perfect balance."

Randy steps out to the back end of the train, where he coughs on the thick smoke. "One by one, they will be voted out until only one remains to claim the thousand pound sterling prize, seventeen days, twenty people, one SURVIVOR!" the camera dramatically zooms out, showing the castle on the horizon.

The Sorting Ceremony

Day 1

Shot of the twenty castaways all lined up outside the front door of the castle. Close-up of Parvati clapping her hands together and grinning as the big doors open up, revealing Randy Marsh inside.

"I was so excited," Parvati said in a thick Indian accent, "I am a huge fan of the show. Randy Marsh is my hero!"

"I wasn't too sure what I was getting myself into..." Luna brushes some of her long blonde hair away from her face, "but the host is smashing."

"Welcome to Hogwarts," Randy flinging his hand toward the castle, "This is where you'll be spending the next seventeen days, but before we get to your camps, we're going to partake in a traditional local ceremony, follow me inside,"

Randy leads the castaways toward the Great Hall with its four big tables; the contestants are all seen lining up by the headmaster's podium, where Randy is standing with a tattered black witch's hat.

The hat coughs as Randy sticks a finger in its b-hole. "The Sorting Hat is going to tell you what house you are in; we are splitting into four tribes of five. The Gryffindor tribe represents the five of you who are brave and tenacious, blue-collar values. The Ravenclaw tribe represents the intelligent and sly they're the brains; Slytherin will inhabit the ones who are devious and daring, the villains. Finally, the Hufflepuff tribe represents the ones who are most like a badger, healers? Got it?" He slaps the hat on the head of the tall skinny boy with the scarred forehead in the front of the line.

"I deserve to win because my parents fucking died," Harry looking emo as he stares into the camera.

Everybody heard a gasp from the hat as it feels Harry's moppy hair, "It's Jesus! Gryffindor!" claps from the cast as Harry takes a seat at the big red table.

Dobby is gaping at the large columns in the Great Hall as Randy pulls him by the hand into the pulpit.

The sorting hat belches, "Ahh, this little elf has a lot of bitterness inside of it." Dobby giggles, "SLYTHERIN," echoes from the hat.

As Cho Chang steps up to try on the hat, it immediately screams "Ravenclaw!" upon touching her Asian locks. She nods with a condescending smile.

"I come from a good family, not a ping pong Cho family," Cho wags her finger as she sits cross-legged.

Ron blushing accentuating his freckles as Randy places the Sorting Hat on him, "Hmm. This one can't afford college, GRYFFINDOR!"

Laughing maniacally, Trelawney throws her arms in the air, "I already know I'm on Hufflepuff." Randy shrugs as he places the hat on her crazy afro hair.

"I have been blessed with the gift of Sight," Trelawney reclining serenely holding an empty teacup, "They shouldn't mess with me; I can hear colors."

The Sorting Hat hums before announcing, "Hufflepuff!"

Draco steps up next, loudly stomping the designer boots his daddy got him. The Sorting Hat curls his lips disgusted at the high-maintenance boy, "Slytherin!"

Hagrid crouches down so that Randy can reach his greasy head, "Your dirty blood has made you stronger..." The Hat trails off eerily. "Gryffindor."

"I was right scared when that Hat opened its damn mouth," Hagrid spitting indignantly, "I'd be voted out first if they knew me mum was a giant! I'll have to say I'm just Mexican."

Cut to Snape's big ugly nose flaring as the Hat settles its ass on his head, "Ooh, you a bitch, Slytherin," Snape dramatically tosses his long cloaks behind him as he walks away.

Close-up of the Sorting Hat pans downward to show Hermione making an active listener face, "Ravenclaw!" the Hat says, slightly annoyed.

Hermione laughs as she takes a seat next to Cho, "I had a feeling!"

After Randy summons Cedric up to be sorted, it's seen frowning with its little tear, "I'm picking up gay vibes from you. Hufflepuff."

Minerva closed her eyes with the exhilaration of a young schoolgirl as she waits to be sorted. The Hat glances down at her crusty face thoughtfully, "Ravenclaw!"

A small montage set to yelling tribal music shows Parvati giggling as she is sorted into Ravenclaw.

Winky stumbles to the Hufflepuff table after being sent there.

George doing a little dance over to Gryffindor, and Dolores giving the Slytherin table a cunt smile as she adjusts her pink cardigan and takes a seat.

The music settles down on a shot of Dumbledore giving a warm chuckle as he tries on the Sorting Hat, "He's the voice of a generation, Gryffindor!" cheers from Harry, Ron, George, and Hagrid as the old man slowly makes his way over.

As Albus - Headmaster is displayed on the screen, "I think I know a thing or two about keeping a child in line," his eyes glimmering.

Ginny steps up, looking insecure, and Randy places the hat on her ginger hair. "Ooh, the fattest grape of the bunch, are we?" The Sorting Hat remarks, "Hufflepuff honey."

"I may not be the prettiest girl out here…" Ginny's voice-over trails off as she is seen walking over to the yellow table.

Luna anxiously tugs on her blonde hair as the Sorting Hat contemplates, "I see you're smart enough to know that skinny is better," it whispers to her. "Ravenclaw!"

Lavender Brown steps up, and the Sorting Hat exhales in surprise, the nappiness of her hair a rarity at Hogwarts. "Aye, this one is black of skin and black of heart as well... Slytherin!"

"The fuck did he mean black of heart?" Lavender's mouth shrinks to the size of a butthole in offense.

"That leaves only one left," Randy beckons to Neville, a pussy looking boy at the back of the line, he steps up shakily, and Randy plops the hat on him.

"Well, the rest of the houses are full, boy, thankfully this one will take even you," the Sorting Hat burns the fuck out of him. "Hufflepuff!" Sybill rubs his shoulder approvingly as he sits down.

Long shot showing Randy addressing all four tables, "You've been divided into your tribes… Now it's time to get to your camps. We're going just upstairs." Randy grinning shittily as he gestures for the castaways to follow him, cut to a close-up of Parvati making a confused face.

Parvati voice-over as Randy leads the castaways up the magical moving stairs, "When I heard that, I was so excited to be living at the school, school makes me feel safe and important. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next."

Randy stops in front of a sketchy-looking crooked piece of wall in a third-floor hallway. He reaches for a doorknob hidden in the breast of a painting of a woman; she gasps, "Oh!" in surprise.

Still not opening the door, Randy turns to the twenty castaways. "This is the Room of Requirement. It has anticipated our arrival and adapted accordingly. Here are the maps to your camps." He hands a little curled-up piece of paper to George, Minerva, Cedric, and Draco, "The game will start tomoz, BYE."

Randy finally flings open the door to reveal a gorgeous tropical island setting. He runs inside to a helicopter waiting for him in a jungle clearing and flies off.

Shot of Ginny's mouth agape in surprise at her beautiful surroundings as Snape shields his eyes from the sun. Lavender chucks up a deuce as the tribes each go their separate ways.

"I love magic," Harry sounded developmentally disabled in voice-over as stunning helicopter views of the jungle setting are shown.

Gryffindor Tribe

Day 1

Hagrid clutches the map with his dirty giant hands, "I really don't know how to read everyone."

George and Ron snicker at this, and George grabs the map from him. "Oy, the camp should be only a kilometer that way." George extends his long, twink arm out.

"Seeing all these young whippersnappers, I was hoping that perhaps I could work with Hagrid. Fucker can't read?" Albus shakes his head, and his frosty beard shakes back and forth. "I'm doomed."

Harry sighs in anguish as he, Ron, and George arrive at the big red flag on a beach, "Wonder how long until they show up," he quips bitchily, an intense sound effect plays as Hagrid and Dumbledore are still seen trekking through the jungle.

Ron's eyes gape into the camera. "When I first got my buff, I was like fucking banger, George and Harry are right fit, yeah? Then we have those two old fucks. It's a bit of a downer."

"I'm glad those children ran off ahead. I have a proposition," Albus reveals his wrinkled, bony hand from his robe. "Final two?"

"Sounds good to me, old chap." Wiping some sweat from his brow, Hagrid smiles placidly, ignoring Albus' handshake.

Once Hagrid and Albus get closer to the tribe flag, George begins rubbing two sticks together eagerly.

"Getting fire early is super important; I'm not giving up until my hands bleed," George explains while spreading out his fingers for emphasis.

Hagrid lingers, glaring at George's struggle at getting some sparks.

"George is twenty-one, George is full of wise words, and George is full of advice, but George doesn't have the life experience that I have." Stroking his long beard, Hagrid winks at the camera.

"Right on it, I'll go find the water well." Dumbledore slinks away from camp.

"In my old age, I should be wary of burning too much energy. I need to save that shit for the challenges." He mentions as he draws his canteen into the watering hole.

The camera cuts to some waves smacking the shore dramatically.

Ravenclaw Tribe

Day 1

Flutes play in the background as Cho and Parvati toss palm fronds lazily on the shelter. Hermione in the distance, laboring over the fire.

"A tribe consisting of only women was my wish!" Hermione twirls her little wand around.

Extreme close-up, on Cho's eyes, "I watched the first season. A girls' alliance would never work. Too many unruly emotions."

McGonagall saunters into camp wet as fuck from the ocean, "So I wanna hear about everyone's families, my children are 22 and 24 and wanna have children soon, but I wouldn't allow it until they are at least 30."

Parvati brightens up, "I'm the mother of three children."

"Oh honey, aren't you a little young for that?" Minerva's face becomes relatively severe.

"Aren't you a little old for this?" Parvati gestures wildly around her.

Minerva stankly transforms into her cat version of herself and scampers away.

"So we had just arrived at camp, and already I hear these loud screeching meows," Luna's pale eyes pop out of her low melanin head. "I know Hermione brought her cat as a luxury item, and I hope he's okay."

A cameraman rushes into the forest to catch some of the sweet cat rape; however, Minerva scratches the fuck out of Crookshanks and gets away.

"The old lady in our camp, she's kind of annoying, but nothing prepared me for what she said next." Parvati braids her very long Indian hair.

As Cho was making the blueprint for building the shelter, Minerva came in hot, yelling, "Who the bloody hell brought their cat!?"

Hermione, who took a nice dump in the ocean, comes back and is all like, "What happened to Crookies?"

"He violated me while I was doing my business in the woods! I couldn't even bury my droppings."

"Having a skinwalker amongst the tribe is troubling," Parvati ponders, "Minerva's also a huge bitch."

Luna came over to lend a supportive hand on Minerva's wrinkled shoulder. Luna whispers, "Hashtag me too," in her ear.

"Just like that, my assault became a blessing. I guess the anorexic blonde girl is my first ally of the game." Minerva smugly carves a piece of wood.

Cho flaring her nostrils, was not having this, "Ladies, let's just try and make sure we win this first immunity, okay?"

Hufflepuff Tribe

Day 1

The camera closes up on Winky being carried by Neville.

"Winky's legs got tired, so Winky needed ugly boy to carry Winky to camp." She says as she brandishes her flask that she brought as a luxury item.

The sun shines on Cedric as the tribe arrives at their flag, "We made it!"

Ginny flops herself down on the sand while heaving, "I'm so tired."

Sybill frantically gathers as many sticks around the base of the camp, "We need fire, stat! I am just dying for some freshly boiled water."

As Neville dumps Winky onto the ground with exhaustion and rubbing his sore shoulders, Cedric addresses the tribe with a warm smile, "Who wants to help me with the shelter?" He grabs hold of Ginny's pale flabby arm to help her up.

"I wouldn't say the tribe is weak. We have other strengths like puzzles." Cedric's voice wavers as the camera cuts to Winky and Sybill laughing at the well.

While Neville and Ginny are shown noncommittally tying some sticks together, the tribe is interrupted by Sybill shrieking and convulsing as she returns to camp.

Everyone crowds around the older woman, "This piece of parchment I found in the jungle has struck me with a most unsettling prophecy!"

She collapses into sobs on the ground as Cedric grabs the parchment from her hands and reads it aloud, "The stairs will twirl and whirl, get good footing as you climb and climb. The spinning may make you hurl, however avoiding tribal council will be sublime."

"Isn't the challenge tomorrow?" Ginny stankly crosses her arms.

"Well, knowledge is power, right, Cedric?" Being a desperate skank, Neville bashed his eyelashes at Cedric.

A parliament of owls flies by ominously.

Slytherin Tribe

Night 1

"We spent most of the day building our teepee. I still don't even really know everyone's name." Draco smirks, "I mean, do I care? No."

"So it's not even twenty-four hours, and I already heard Snape and Dolores say...:" Lavender narrates as it hard cuts to Snape and Dolores sitting in the shelter.

"Be careful what you say in the dark. You might not see the bitch." Dolores chortles,, and Snape coughs a little.

"And I knew that old cunt was talking about me." Lavender drops her head into her hands as an emotional track picks up, "It's always been clear there aren't a lot of black witches. There's only me and the black girl who's cousins with Sabrina Spellman," laid over a shot of Lavender carrying some long sticks down the beach. "

"I'll be back; I gotta take a wicked piss," Draco announced as he rolled out from the teepee. Dobby instinctively followed him.

"Master Draco, Dobby is so thirsty." Pitifully slouching over in the night vision, Dobby's concave chest caught the camera.

Scoffing, Draco retorts, "drink this slave," and whips out his dick to piss all over Dobby.

"I can't believe Master Draco blessed Dobby with his fluid!" Dobby, drenched in piss, jumps with glee in the night-vision lens.

The camera cuts back to the shelter with Lavender sound asleep. Snape and Dolores are sitting by the fire.

"Our tribe looks pretty weak in comparison." Throwing a stick into the fire, Snape smirks at Dolores.

"Oh well, we only need to beat one of them to be okay." Dolores shivers as a gale of wind blows through the camp.

Immunity Challenge

Day 2

"For the first time, come on in, gays!" Randy shots as the four tribes file out of the Room of Requirement back to the giant magical staircases that spin around.

"How was everyone's first night on the island?" Randy asks the islanders. "Blonde girl, what's your name again?"

She frowns, "Luna Lovegood, and it was pretty bad, honestly. There's already drama in our camp." Parvati mouths, 'what the fuck, girl,'

"Oh, between whom?"

Minerva coughs, "Moi and Lady Hermione. There was some cat scratch fever going on that I did not appreciate."

"Well, no one cares. For today's first immunity challenge, the entire tribe must climb to the top of these magical spinning staircases. The first two tribes to do this win immunity." Randy reveals two musty-looking boots as the immunity idols.

Lavender makes a stinky comment, "Only two?"

Harry makes an 'oh' face.

"The losing two tribes will go back together, and potentially one or two people will go home each round. You will only find out once you reach the dreaded tribal council." Randy also grabs a sheet to reveal the reward, "the tribe that gets first wins three chickens, second place will only get sweet immunity." The chickens begin to cluck excitedly.

"Very interesting," Snape brushes some oily hair out of his face.

"So, we'll give you some time to strategize and then get to it." Randy claps his hands.

The paintings all begin hooting and hollering as Randy pulls out his gun, "Survivors ready? Go!" Randy shoots the opera singing painting in the tit.

The young non-disabled men quickly climb up the first set of stairs.

"Cedric is carrying Winky on his back, and the same can't be said for Dobby, who was left in the dust!" Randy narrates from his flying broom.

The second set of stairs began spinning rapidly. Ron and George are the only brave ones and jump. Harry and Draco hesitate like pussies.

"Jump, Potter!" Draco gives Harry a hard shove, and Harry takes a tumble back down the stairs, knocking Parvati right on her tuckus. Luna squawks at all the people slipping down the stairs.

"Wow, Ron and George whipped through this challenge! They're both already near the finish line!" Randy screamed as the older people were all clinging onto the railings.

"I can't break my hips this early, dear!" Dolores laughs as Snape holds her hand before transferring to the next staircase.

The camera spins around to indicate a timelapse, "So after ten minutes, Harry, Ron, and George lead for Gryffindor, Cedric and Winky are in second for Hufflepuff, and Draco and Parvati are the only ones up for Slytherin and Ravenclaw."

Cho climbs on all fours desperately.

"It was like my shoes weighed ten pounds. I just couldn't get to the top," Cho explained in a voiceover.

"And just like that Neville and Lavender are the next two to cross the finish line." Randy narrates. "It's becoming the battle of the slow olds!"

Minerva transformed into her cat form to try and catch up with her tribe.

Ginny's thighs clapped together as she celebrated crossing the finish line.

Sweat dribbled down Hagrid's face as he threw his ginormous body, using the railings as leverage.

A camera swirling around the challenge indicated a time-lapse.

"It looks like a foot race between Albus and Sybill for the chickens!" Randy blandly narrates as Sybill lurches across the finish line.

The Hufflepuff tribe erupts in ecstasy as Trelawny collapses onto the ground. Randy gaily throws his arms and announces that "Hufflepuff wins immunity!"

Dumbledore quickly trots up the last couple of stairs, shrugging his shoulders underneath his gaudy robe.

"Gryffindor also wins immunity!" The camera closes up on Lavender, making a terrifying face.

The intense soundtrack changes into triumphant piano chords as the contestants return to their respective mats at the bottom of the staircase.

"Harry, Cedric, come get these immunity boots. Hufflepuffle, don't forget your chickens either." The portkeys teleport Gryffindor and Hufflepuff back to their camps.

"Slytherin, Ravenclaw, I'll be seeing you tonight at tribal council."

"Losing already is something that I hadn't anticipated, yet the vote should line up in my favor." Dolores smiles devilishly.

Ravenclaw + Slytherin

Day 2

"Coming back to camp with the green tribe spooks me. The game is already happening." Luna placed her hands up to her face. "We need to stay strong and unified!"

The Slytherin tribe quickly separated themselves, and all stood at the beach's edge, allowing the waves to crash into their ankles.

"Now, look here, children, we need to vote out whichever girl is strongest." Snape dictated, and Draco nodded furiously.

"I had to get my orders from big nose before I could go be a turncoat." With a shit-eating grin, Lavender lounged on the beach, "that other brown girl looks trustworthy to me."

Minerva looked perturbed as the rest of the Ravenclaw girls sat in their shelter. "We need to discuss what happened to me yesterday."

"Here we go again. McGonagall is making a huge deal out of what happened with her and Crookshanks." Hermione looking done as fuck as she sits on a tree stump.

"Well, it's probably for the best if we all agreed on which Slytherin to vote for." Cho tried being diplomatic.

"I'm sorry, but if you're accusing my darling Crookies of something heinous, I don't think I can work with you." The soundtrack played a scathing violin as Minerva's mouth was agape.

"Ms. Granger, I think you're playing with fire," she squawks, transforms into a cat, and runs off.

"The other professors will have my back," Minerva meows to the camera and licks her butthole.

The Slytherin tribe had dispersed along the beach, but Snape and Dolores were chit-chatting and being judies, Minerva trotted up to them. "One of my students is causing me trouble,"

"These kids are so crazy, they are so crazy," Snape says in a gay tone.

Dolores cuntily giggles, "They all cause trouble, dear, but we will smite them all."

A fierce transition of a unicorn racing through the jungle, the camera follows Draco skulking amongst the trees as he stumbles upon Luna L. talking to herself.

"When I first saw Luna, I thought she would be great for the Aryan bloodline, so I had to break her in." Draco smiles.

"La la la," Luna twerks in her school skirt, oblivious to Draco, who then tackles her to the ground.

"Luna! I saw some wrackspurts near your vagina, and I just need to check them." Draco said as he inspected for wrackspurts with his cock.

"Oh wow, but I don't- know- ah! I'm okay! Get off of me!" Luna struggles away from him with tears in her blue eyes. She runs to the medic tent.

As Nurse Goodly gives her a band-aid for her oopsy, Luna sits on a cot, "I wasn't wearing my diva glasses. I don't know if Draco was telling the truth or not. Wrackspurts do hate spum after all…" She says in a singsong tone.

Standing in a clearing near a big tree, Cho and Parvati had an alliance meeting. #asiangirlalliance

"We need a plan if we're voting in our house or outside of it," Cho explains.

"That sounds like a good plan. Do you think Slytherin will target us?" Pondering, Parvati braids some of her hair.

They get interrupted by Luna sputtering in with her diva glasses on, "Help! I don't see any wrackspurts in my vagina...Ooh, Draco lied!"

Jumping on the opportunity, Cho says, "Then we can vote for him!"

Parvati nods.

Some tribal music plays as everyone carries their torch to the tribal council.

Snape sweeps his handsome bangs from his eyes, "If Slytherin is unified, then this should be simple." He says as he stomps his boot into the sand.

"Everyone is so angry at my pussy cat, and it's so absurd. They just want me out because I'm a mud blood." Hermione makes a stank face at the camera.

"Dobby doesn't know what to do, and Dobby doesn't think for Dobby." A gong was hit as he struggles with a torch that is double his size.

That dragon flies around and blows some fire at the drone.

Tribal Council

Night 2

The ten castaways march into the grand hall, which was now decorated in tiki torches with ten seats in front of the grand fireplace. Randy stood in the pulpit, grinning shittily in his button-down blue shirt.

"Everyone grab a torch and dip into the fireplace because once it is out, so are you."

Snape smirks as he dips his torch in, and quickly, everyone is in their seats, ready to be interrogated by the one and only, Randy Marsh.

"Before we get started, I will announce that only… one of you will be going home tonight," Randy says.

McGonagall makes a curt smile.

"How did the tribes convene today?"

Giggling, Dolores elaborates, "Well, we didn't really. All five of us will be voting for one of the Ravenclaws."

Lavender adds, "Like duh."

Randy nods, "Ravenclaw, how do you respond?"

The girls all stay quiet, but then Hermione laughs, "that's fine with me."

A dramatic violin plays.

Dobby hops out of his seat, "Master Draco, tell Dobby how to vote."

Draco whispers in his big elf ear.

"Randy, Hermione refuses to take responsibility for her cat violating me earlier. It's truly sick."

Randy gasps, "Wow, any corroboration on this allegation?"

Luna raises her hand.

"I don't see why the professor would lie, and I don't know, though; I'm pretty crazy."

Hermione outbursts, "She's lying! She's trying to make me look bad! She's faking!"

"Feline trouble...harumph." Scowling, Snape crosses his legs.

"Well, that sounds like the verdict tonight will be the vote, Minerva. You're up first." Randy ends the questioning.

Minerva walks out of the grand hall into the room with the Goblet of Fire and a small voting stand.

"I will have Crookshanks put to sleep, you harlot." Minerva holds up a vote for [Hermione] and places it into the goblet.

Brushing his greasy hair out of his eyes, Severus writes a name in fancy calligraphy.

A producer runs over to lift Dobby to the voting podium due to his stature and malnutrition as a slave.

"Well, it was nice knowing you, you disgusting mongrel," Draco gives a stank white man smirk and folds his vote up.

Luna votes and looks fucked up about it.

Curtly smiling, Dolores takes pleasure in ending someone's dream of winning the prize money.

"All in due time, we will have some black girl magic in that final two." Lavender votes for [Minerva]

Smiling asianly, Cho writes a name down in cursive.

Stomping over to vote, Hermione screams at the top of her lungs, "I'm voting for you, Minerva!" [Minerva]

Parvati is cheesing and laughing at all the drama as she places her paper into the magic fire.

Skipping back to her seat, Parvati ends the voting.

Randy states, "I will go tally the votes."

Dramatic close-ups of Cho's solemn face and Draco's aroused mouth.

"If anyone has a hidden immunity idol and wants to play it, now would be the time to do so."

The camera lingers on Dolores for some reason, and no one stands.

"I'll read the votes,"

Randy flips over the first vote,


Minerva makes a deep frown.

"Next vote,"


He mumbles, "why would you do that?"


She nods. The music gets louder as Randy notes, "one vote for Draco, Minerva, and Hermione."

He reveals the following three votes in quick succession.




Minerva scowls as Draco says to everyone, "You would vote out royalty first! How dare you, jealous cows." A very pointed comment to the Ravenclaw girls.

Randy smirks at the next vote.


"Three votes for Minerva, two votes for Draco and Hermione.


A gong sound effect plays as Luna smirks at these votes.


"All tied up with one vote left."

The camera zooms in on Minerva, who's smiling, Draco, who's pissed, and Hermione, who's nauseous.

"And the first person voted out of Survivor: Room of Requirement…."


Giving a shrug and standing up, Minerva takes her boot in stride. "Now, before I depart, I do wish the Ravenclaw tribe luck. I hope one of you takes it all the way."

Cho and Parvati nod as Luna breaks down into tears. Hermione does not give a fuck.

"As for you, Slytherin scum? Eat my asshole." Minerva collects her torch and brings it to Randy.

"Well, Minerva, it looks like two tribes have spoken. Head on out." He snuffs her torch

That sad vote out music plays as Minerva walks out of Hogwarts.

"Tonight, it appears as Ravenclaw lost the battle. However, this war is just getting started. Head back up to the Room of Requirement. See you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, everyone." Minerva just turns into a cat never to be seen again.


A big storm sweeps through Ravenclaw. "Let the ocean sweep me away!" Parvati laughs at her suicidal ideation.

Dumbledore catches people in flagrante! He strokes his beard as he hides in a bush.

And the challenge is a screamer! AHHH!


Minerva- Hermione, Draco, Dobby, Lavender

Hermione- Snape, Dolores, Minerva

Draco- Cho, Parvati, Luna