20Chapter 2: He Returns to Me
It was turning out to be a relatively uneventful day at the pie shop when Nellie was placed beside the counter peacefully left alone in her favorite preoccupation – people watching. That was until she saw a man through the windows, about to enter her shop. She stood rooted to her spot, unbelieving the scene unfolding before her. How could this be true? Before long, the man stopped in front of her, only the counter serving as the barrier between them. Nellie could only do so much as to stare at him.
"How are you, Mrs. Lovett?" Nellie was only able to manage a nod, her ability to speak still eluding her.
So, the man continued, "Mrs. Lynde came by my shop yesterday advertising your pies. I'd figured I'd make a visit today, so here I am."
How could this be happening to her? Had she not suffered enough humiliation in her life? She would curse Rachel Lynde to death for this. The intensity of her anger towards the old busybody had shook her out of her temporary muteness.
"And how are you too, Mr. Oakley?" Without waiting for his response, she shooed him to one of the empty booths. "You may sit wherever you like. My daughter will be with you shortly to take your orders." The man proceeded to occupy the nearest empty booth, giving him ample view of Nellie on the counter.
"Lia, Lia, come here," she called her daughter, but the girl was purposely ignoring her call. Deciding that she would rather deal with the girl later when she had more patience, she resigned herself to serving Mr. Oakley.
Nellie wasted no time and went straight to the man's table. Hands on her hips, she asked, "So, what'll you be having, Sir?"
"I'll get the house special and a glass of ale, Mrs. Lovett. Thank you very much," the man said with a small smile, unknowingly adding to Nellie's irritation.
"You could have told me that by the counter, Mr. Oakley."
The man shrugged in response. "Didn't get the chance, I guess. You hurried me to sit."
"Hmmm, hmmm." Nellie's irritation subsided—just a little. A paying customer is a paying customer no matter the circumstances that brought him in the pie shop. She should have been a gracious hostess from the start.
"Lots of things to do around the shop, you know. Always in a rush. That's rhubarb pie for you then—our special. Unless you want something savory? No meat, of course."
"Rhubarb pie sounds fine. Actually, Mrs. Lovett-"
Before the man could start a new conversation, Nellie took leave of the table. "I'd better get your pie then." Although she had somehow reigned in her irritation, she had no wish to get trapped into some awkward small talk with the butcher. So, she dragged her daughter by the arm as she passed her by on the way to the counter.
"You're serving him, Lia. I'm not going back to that table."
"But mum-"
"No buts. Don't test my thinning patience now, Cordelia." The accompanying glare was enough to put the girl into action that she immediately grabbed the tray her mother prepared and marched down to serve the butcher.
As Nellie had expected, Lia did not just leave the food tray as she would, but her daughter had actually started having a chat with the butcher. She was not close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation and cursed her diminishing eyesight for not being able to lipread either. She was so very tempted to inch closer to the pair, but she knew that one wrong move on her part and Lia would readily pounce to loop her in their chat. That had Nellie content herself to observe the pair from the counter.
From what Nellie could remember, her daughter had never been acquainted with the butcher. What little meat they were having, they get it from the Blythe's right there at Fleet Street. And the butcher was really not known in these parts as a social man. No gossip had ever circulated about him except that mandatory welcome tidbit for newcomers. The basic background details spread about by the old church bells in their neighborhood then—when he moved to the meat shop at Newgate—was that he was recently widowed and without children. Certainly, a good prospect for the widows and spinsters of the area but he had never shown interest in pursuing relationships. Until now. Nellie dared not fathom the things Rachel Lynde might have said to the man for him to darken her pie shop when he had not even set foot in the local pub!
Although hazy from her narrowed vision, Nellie was sure that Lia and Mr. Oakley were certainly giving each other a good first impression by the pleased looks the two were wearing. From what little conversation she had with the butcher, Nellie was able to sense that he was a decent man—and she prided herself for having the ability to almost always correctly judging a person. He was also not bad to look at, she would give him that. The years have more or less been good to him.
But there was a man far more decent, far more beautiful than the butcher—her Benjamin. No, not hers. He was Lucy's. Be that as it may, Nellie's heart would always be his. The years were certainly not as kind to Benjamin as with the butcher here, but she knew she would choose Ben over even if he would not want her. She loved Ben even before she understood what love was. It sounded pathetic when she thought of it that way, but it was the story of her life.
When she was a little slip of a thing, she would always encourage her mother to visit dear Mrs. Barker so that she and little Ben could play as the two women wiled away the ours knitting and having tea. Her mother had suffered numerous headaches every time she threw out tantrums when the lady refused to bring her. But her mother would always reward her with a tender smile when she volunteered to do errands to the Barker's place, not knowing that Nellie was doing herself as much favor as her. Then she would rather spend her free hours accompanying her dear old Da to his trip to the barber's just so she could catch a glimpse or say hello to the apprentice.
She did not understand what her feelings were back then. All she knew was she craved his company. One glance of him was enough to right all the wrongs in the world no matter how hard she was spanked, or how deeply her pals betrayed her trust. He was balm on her heart, only she had been too late to understand that.
Nellie's greatest regret was failing to learn how to seduce him before Lucy even entered the picture. She could have compromised him; trapped him into marrying her but she let all those chances slip away. She let him marry Lucy believing that she was only infatuated with him as he was with his golden-haired belle. How she had underestimated then her love for him. Now, if chances again were to present themselves, she knew she would stake everything not to let him go.
When Mr. Oakley finally turned to leave, he tipped his hat to Nellie and Lia who waved him goodbye. "I'd be happy to return again soon. In fact, I'd be very much looking forward to it. Maybe we can also get a chance to chat." His eyes were trained to Nellie.
Lia cornered her immediately after the butcher was out of sight. "Because you wouldn't chat with him, I've sized him up for you, mum. And I'm happy to announce the verdict that he passed. With flying colors, I might add."
"And when did you have permission to 'size up' the butcher for me, hmmm, my darling girl?"
Lia let out a deep sigh. "I'd just thought he might be good for you, mummy. Well, for us, really."
"Who says I'm interested?" No, Nellie did not think she would really be interested even when the butcher did visit the shop every dinner.
And so, she started to see the hope vanished in her daughter's eyes. "Would there be even a teensy-weensy chance for men other than your Mr. B?"
"I would very much want to say yes if only for your sake, poppet."
Feet propped up on a stool, Nellie was still in the pie shop, nursing her second glass of gin. She did not plan on getting drunk that night, just wanting enough to calm her strained nerves. When the tables were wiped clean and the floor was mopped, Lia elected herself to sort out the mess in the kitchen. She was probably trying to make up with all the unsolicited meddling on Nellie's love life earlier. And so, Nellie was left alone to mull over the turn of events.
She was guilted by the look on her daughter's face ostensibly begging her to at least give the butcher his one chance. The begging, the guilt—it had always been a never-ending cycle between the two of them. Lia would always get her hopes high whenever a kind man would dare get close, and the butcher was no exception. But always, that hope would disappear, as if pounded by Nellie's rolling pin. It had always pained her to be the cause of her daughter's disappointment that twice, she had relented to give the suitors their chance. But both men failed to even get one step closer than the rest. That was when she decided she had enough, and told her daughter that her heart is under lock and key, willingly given to a man that may not even want to possess it.
Lia was twelve when she told him of poor Mr. B. With all the maturity the girl could muster, she held her mother's hands as Nellie tried bravely to explain that she could not let anyone take Mr. B's place in her heart. That she knew he would return, and when he did, they would be here waiting—unlike his wife and child. That was why all these years, Nellie made her peace with only the company of her girl and her phantom lover. And as a young girl, Lia had always enjoyed the company of her imaginary friends. Nellie thought that perhaps her daughter could content herself with a phantom father too? Perhaps not. The girl was keen on the butcher.
If only Ben was here, Nellie thought he could fill the missing role in her daughter's life and the relentlessly aching gape in Nellie's heart. As she would always do when her thoughts drifted to him in the pie shop, she moved her eyes towards the windows, expectantly willing his return. Her eyes, however, did not make it to the windows. There he was, unmoving, sitting on the other booth across her. Was he a mere mirage? An illusion that the alcohol made her eyes see based on the deepest desires of her heart.
She stood shakily on her legs with both hands firmly gripping the table to keep her balance. She slowly made her way towards him, holding to every furniture she passed to keep her standing. Her arm was outstretched wanting to touch him, but she was afraid that when she did, there would only be air to grasp and this illusion would vanish. Finally, the moment came when she could no longer refrain herself from wanting to touch him. And as her hand made contact with his shoulder, she felt someone solid before she saw him visibly flinched and inched away from her hand. So, it was true then—the man in front of her was real.
This was the pinnacle of her dream; her Benjamin has returned. She felt her heart burst and her senses overwhelmed, but Nellie knew she must gather her wits about her. This was the moment her dream was coming true and she would not ruin it by fainting like some damsel in distress. For what she was worth, she cleared her head and really looked at the man past her dreamy eyes.
When she thought that years would have been hard to Benjamin, she had not imagined the extent of the difficulties he must have endured. The lines on his face have hardened, and there was no questioning her when she thought that not even one smile had graced those lips in the years he was away. He was not looking at her but she would not need that to know that his eyes have lost their sparkle.
"What did they do to you?" It came out as a whisper though she had not really meant for him to hear it. She knew it was useless to ask that now, that no response would be forthcoming.
"How did you get here?" Time had passed, or maybe not. She thought there would still be no response to come.
He remained still when he finally addressed her. "Through the door. You were lost in your thoughts. I tried the door upstairs, but it was locked. Where are they?"
"Benjamin-" This has spurred him into action. He grabbed her by the arms and what she saw panic most prominent among his other emotions.
"No, no! You must not call me that. I'm not him. Sweeney Todd. It's who I am." He had only let go of her arms when she gave him a nod.
"Mum!" Lia's cry rang out in the pie shop, her voice alarmed. The girl was making her way towards them, her eyes trained to the strange man.
And the man returned her look, if only a bit dazed. "Johanna."
"No, no, not Johanna. She's Cordelia, my daughter."
"Where is she?" Nellie shook her head to stall the next set of questions she was sure would come out of him.
"Lia dearest, this is Mr. Todd, our new tenant. I would just be helping him to get settled upstairs."
Lia was not able to mask the shock from her face but she managed to recover quickly. "I'll help you then." Nellie glared at her and with a tone that invited no dispute, she told the girl, "To bed with you."
It was Nellie's turn to grab the man's arm and what little rucksack he has with him. "Come, Mr. Todd dear, I'll show you your rooms."
She was in no hurry to lead him to the outside stairs, in part to made sure that Lia was staying put and mostly not wanting to tell the story she would be asked to recount. Although she knew that there would be no ideal way to tell what needed to be told, she ran through dialogues in her head that may lessen the blow of the tragedy-if that was possible at all. She was thankful that her feet had memorized how to ascend the stairs leading to the barbershop for they were left working on their own. It was only at the door that she let go of Ben—Mr. Todd now, was it? —to fish out the key from the bodice of her dress.
Nellie went straight to the candle she had always kept near the door, especially used for her late-night visits, when he visited her in her dreams. The apartment had looked as well as it could, withstanding decades of unused. For the past years, she and Lia would regularly come up here to clean, on the pretense of having it ready for possible tenants. Handful of prospective renters have come but none would meet her standards. She was sure that Lia eventually figured out that all those cleanings were for Mr. B's hopeful return.
And now, the man was here. All those hours spent on her knees scrubbing the floors have surely paid for this moment. She looked at Mr. Todd who stood frozen at the threshold, his shoulders remained as stiffed and his jaw was set as hard as she found him earlier. However, as she looked longer, she could see something had changed in his visage. It has given Nellie every bit of hope she needed when she realized that his eyes carried the look of a man whose long-held wish is within his grasp. She imagined her eyes mirrored the exact same look when she first realized his return was real. Only she would make sure that her dreams would not be crumbling around her as she was sure his would in just a moment.
Sweeney Todd took tentative steps entering his old abode, then he went straight to the dresser. There, displayed prominently, was the framed pictured of his wife and daughter. Nellie's eyes followed him as he took the picture seeming to memorize the faces in it. She welcomed the long time that passed with him like that, staring at the picture as she was still mustering her strength to talk. But when he finally turned to look her way, his stare was enough to convey to her that it was time she started responding to the question left unanswered in the pie shop.
"Ben-, Mr. Todd, love," she let out the sigh she had been holding for long. "When you were sent away, Lucy was inconsolable. But she did all she could to bring you back. She did that."
There was no interruption coming from the man. She guessed it was just as well as she would be unable to continue should she stop now. "She went to Turpin for help, convinced that if persuaded, he'd get you back here. But he—that devil—he, he took advantage of her. She couldn't live with herself. Two days after…she took…she took the arsenic. She died, Ben. And Turpin got Johanna."
As she had foreseen, all light from dreams coming true went out from his eyes. He hadn't moved, he hadn't uttered a word, was it possible he even stopped breathing? She longed to embrace him, comfort him. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself. She knew her intrusion would not be welcomed. The man needed time alone to process the blow and confront his emotions; to start grieving.
Yet Nellie could not contain herself, after all, she did wait for fifteen years for him. She went to him and touched his hands, willing to convey to him at least some of her feelings. "I am sorry, Ben." He did not flinch this time but that was because he was trembling. He had not acknowledged her for he was a man lost to the world—for now. Would she ever be able to get him out of this stupor? He could not be Benjamin again, that much was certain. Maybe that man he made for himself—Sweeney Todd—maybe he could live his life.
She should have expected that her daughter would be waiting for her. When she entered her bedroom, there was Lia sitting on the bed, picking on the thread of the blanket. The girl was unusually silent and this did not bode well for them.
"It is quite late, poppet. Off to sleep." But the girl did not move from her place. So, she went straight to her dressing table and started pulling out the pins on her messy buns. If Nellie could have her way, she would rather not have this conversation surely brewing in her daughter's mind tonight.
"Do you know him, mum?"
"Mr. Todd? Certainly not, or you've surely have heard of him from me, yes?" She was met with silence. She hoped that the girl would just let it off for she actually had not an ounce of strength left to play diversions.
"Please, spare me the lies. I'm sure you knew him." It came out as a whisper. "You wouldn't even rent the room to Mr. Sloane; said you don't trust him. And he's been frequenting our shop for months and doesn't cause any trouble."
"Lia, I've told you time and again that that Mr. Sloane looks trouble."
"That man you just ushered upstairs looks way more sinister than Mr. Sloane, mum. Don't you tell me he's a stranger because I'd be forced to believe then that you've banged your head somewhere." Lia was starting to have trouble to keep her temper checked, but with a big sigh, she deflated.
"We both know he's no stranger to you, mum. Please just tell me."
Lia was practically begging now. She knew the girl would figure it out sooner or later. Better to save them both headache and heartbreak now. There were far weightier truths that should be kept. And she hoped against hope that they remained untold as they were. She would hold out until forever if she could. So, for now, she told her daughter this truth. "He was Benjamin Barker."
"No. He can't be your Mr. B…"
"No. He can't be Benjamin anymore."
Nellie took herself to sit beside her daughter on the bed. "He wasn't Benjamin. Sweeney Todd, that was what he calls himself now. And that's who he'll be." She holds the girl's face so she could look her in the eye, wanting her to understand the gravity of her next words.
"Benjamin was sent away for a crime he didn't commit, you know that. He can't ever be found out or he'll be sent back or worse. We must help him."
The girl nodded. She ran her thumbs against her daughter's cheeks and gave her a sad smile. "I can't bear to be away from him again."
"What did they to him, mummy?", unknowingly mirroring her mother's earlier words.
And then there was crashing from upstairs. They could definitely hear things being thrown out and smashed. The man upstairs must have just come to terms with the story she told. Nellie was relieved she was with Lia now for she knew that girl would run straight to the commotion if she was not there to prevent her. So, she gathered the girl in her arms and tucked her head below her chin. As she would always do when one of them needed comfort, she started slowly rocking the girl in her arms.
"We would never know what happened to him back there in Australia. Just that they changed him. Ben is gone. But we can help Mr. Todd. He was never a bad man. He was a wronged one."
She felt dampness against her neck and realized that the girl must be crying. She started rubbing circles at her back and keep on with her rocking. But she would not ask her daughter for whom she was shedding tears that night.
There's not much Sweeney yet, but there he was as promised! I would very much appreciate to hear what you all think.
Again, much love to Angelfire274 for all the cheering and editing! Where is Chapter 25, love? x