42
KAZ
Roeder's body was found ten days later, bloated belly shored up on the Reaper's Barge. He was a mass of broken bones and bloodied loose skin. His tongue, eyes, and the chunks of flesh wrested from his leg, arm and throat were never located, not that it mattered. The signs of torture were evident. Kaz took the loss on the chin, but now he had the inconvenience of finding a new spider. Something else itched at the back of his head, a question he didn't care for:
Did they get him to talk?
By the rate of decomposition, Kaz figured the spider was dead for approximately five days. If the body had been on the flatboat for more than a couple of days, it would already be ash. So, where was Roeder before he was found? More importantly, what did he see that warranted his death?
Kaz wasn't stupid enough to trust Roeder with more than he needed to know. However, intel on pigeons, merchers, and brothel-owners was officially compromised. At best, Umbra had plenty of tips for the easiest pigeons to pluck the feathers off of. At worst, Kaz's private contacts were in insurmountable danger. A far more significant inconvenience.Kaz flipped through the papers splayed haphazardly across his desk. His bad leg was propped up on a small crate, an awful cramp digging deep into the sinew at the crest of his calf and knee. Kaz's fingers threaded through his dark hair, tugging on the knots. Reaching for the bourbon nearby, he took a swig straight from the bottle and reveled in the burn all the way down. His index finger tapped against the worn surface of his desk in a quick, restless rhythm. Suspicious eyes searched through the collection of intel from Roeder over the last year, looking for anything that could bring him closer to finding Umbra's headquarters and the identity of the fresh barrel boss. For all the information his late spider retrieved on Umbra, the majority of it proved to be useless to Kaz now. Maybe it won't be so hard to replace Roeder after all. Maybe he'd thank Umbra for taking out his trash.
Icy sheaves of rain rattled cold, lonely fingers on the dormer window. The Slat was warm and quiet, most of the Dregs either out for the night or resting before the next shift. Kaz breathed in the heady scent of whiskey, smoke, and sweat that clung to the walls of the hideout- trying to stay awake. The cacophony in the streets invaded his attic room, grating on his nerves all the while giving him purpose to keep going. Heavy bags dragged at his eyes and he struggled to focus, but the city never slept and neither would Dirtyhands.
Kaz slid open the drawer to his right and pulled out a folded map. He spread the map out over his desk, ignoring the scattered papers, some of the crinkled parchment hanging over the edge. His fingers traced the path to the coordinates Roeder was last seen. He'd been scouting for something closer to where Umbra's crew liked to gather, which happened to be a block from an old Dregs safehouse hugging the northeast border of the Barrel. The route looked doable, even for a cane-wielding Barrel boss. Kaz would have to go out on his own to finish the mission Roeder failed.
He shook his head, lifting a brow at the next prospect coming to mind. I need my Wraith back. With her, he'd be able to locate Umbra's headquarters and identify their leader before the week was out. Roeder wasn't as good as Inej. No one was. Not even Kaz. Unfortunately, she wouldn't be coming back to him.
Kaz was certain he would be completely rid of distraction when she left. Evidently, he miscalculated. It irritated him how often he remembered convening with her on his plans, watching her feed the stupid birds outside his window. He was infuriated that he pined for her like some love-sick schoolkid. Inej Ghafa became an unnerving reminder that Kaz was nothing more than a twenty-year-old boy.
Brick by brick, Kaz tried to rebuild the wall around his heart again, even as the letters came with unrelenting frequency. He wished she'd shut up.
Yet, Kaz promised to help her take down the slave trade in Ketterdam and he was a man of his word. It was supposed to be better when Inej left- they were supposed to be business partners only. His mind was made up. Then that damned letter came, in her perfect lilted scribble just a few short weeks ago:
'K,
Do you know how often I hear stories about the Bastard of the Barrel now? It seems like every port I go to, I hear about the Barrel boss who's cleaning up the streets of Ketterdam. Funny to think a criminal would want to clean up anything in a city that thrives on debauchery. But you're not just a criminal, are you, K?
Thank you for helping me fulfill my purpose. I don't know how many times I've said that to you now, but I think I'll be thanking you for the rest of our lives. I hope you still remember who you are to me.
It's been a while since you've written. Apparently, you're not even going to see Jes and Wy. You must be very busy. Have you been sleeping?
Anyway, I took down the latest shipment bound for a certain brothel. I can't believe she bounced back from the last heist. Brick by brick, right? Revenge is easy to fall into, but I want to move beyond that. I want her out of business for more than my own selfish inclinations.
I went to Ravka again. I missed Mama's cooking and Papa's laugh, but where I grew up just doesn't fit me anymore. Or I don't fit there anymore. Everything is so different. I'm different. It's like trying to fit a puzzle piece into a puzzle it never belonged in. The world only seems to make less sense now. I hope it doesn't feel this way forever.
I think I'm ready to go back to Ketterdam for a while. I'm ready to see what's left of the Crows again. I'm most definitely ready to annoy you with my own little murder of crows I tamed by your window. Have you been feeding them? If you haven't, I'll gut you. Remember, you taught me how to do it.Also, don't forget to feed yourself too. I'm not there anymore to bring you food. I hope you haven't resorted to eating your paperwork.
I should be there in a month's time. Let me know if you have some work that needs doing.
Your friend,
I.G.'
In an instant, the bricks blew to pieces and his chest felt like a gaping, festering wound. He tried not to let the excitement in his chest bubble up at the prospect of The Wraith's return. Kaz didn't let hope lift the corners of his mouth from the permanent grimace marring his face. Hope was a weakness. Hope would be ripped away from him too. Better to have no hope at all than to watch it be crushed beneath a rubber-soled boot.
Kaz wasn't ready to face her with the reality that The Dregs were under a whole new threat- one that left him burrowed in blood and ink. How would he even have time for her?
In the deepest chasm of his mind, Kaz knew he really didn't want to see Inej because he still had his gloves on. The illusion that they could be something one day would crack when she saw the lack of progress. He wrote back, knowing his words (or lack thereof) would hurt her. She'd recover, but he doubted Inej would try to see him:
'Spider,
There are some new developments in Ketterdam. Don't come back. I don't want you here.
K.B
P.S. Don't tell Jesper I wrote to you.'
Kaz knew it was one of the stupidest explanations he ever made to avoid seeing her. Dirtyhands needed the Wraith for her skills, but Brekker wanted her to stay away from him. Rietveld wanted Inej close. Luckily, Kaz never listened to the naive boy who died on the Reaper's Barge. Dirtyhands could finish the scouting job himself.
She never wrote back after his letter. The woman he knew- the woman who hardly reached his shoulder but stood taller than him in every other way -wouldn't return. Inej would leave the black-hearted, scarred king and his crumbling, rat-infested kingdom behind for good. Either that or she really would come and gut him.
Kaz hated himself for caring about the silence between them. He despised the gaping hole left unceremoniously to bleed out all over his mind. Even pushing her away wouldn't stop him from thinking of her. Kaz felt her slipping away, farther than the leagues the True Sea could take her. Her phantom web that entrapped his heart pulled taut with every one of her silent strides away from him. He wondered how much time would pass until his chest no longer felt like it would cave in on itself.
Pathetic.
His russet orbs flicked to the clepsydra on his dresser, illuminated by the flame of his oil lantern. It was the first gift she sent to him during her voyage.
' Do you ever think of me?
Maybe you could use this to know when to take a break from work. I know you need it.
Or maybe it'll remind you how long it's been since you've written.
I miss hearing from you, K.'
Inej sent it after another three-month stint where he'd been too busy to send a letter. Her words were scathing and soft all at once, just like the Wraith herself. There hasn't been a second that I've forgotten you, little spider. It's annoying.
The water in the timepiece bubbled with each gulp that bottle-necked into the bottom globe. Time was passing and all he could think of was the Suli girl who weaseled her way into his heart. At the end of the day, he still had to be the Bastard of the Barrel.
Get back to it, Dirtyhands. There's business to be done.
Time whittled away.
His spine prickled oddly and he scrunched his shoulders up to his ears in protest. The sensation sent a wave of nostalgia through him that made his heart squeeze in a disgusting way. Kaz rubbed at the back of his neck, stamping down every hair standing at attention.
She's not coming back. Stop being an idiot.
His hand clasped the notes he'd taken down on the most recent intel Roeder scraped up. He needed a plan, a fool-proof one. If he were to go missing after this mission, what would the Dregs do?
Brusque air filtered into his attic room and another shiver inched up his spine. Someone was here. He reached for the drawer to his left casually, making dead certain it didn't seem like he was reaching for a gun. Something bounced off the back of his head. Kaz froze, his fingers halting in mid-air. His eyes narrowed slightly at the sound of water trickling onto his floorboards. There is only one person stupid enough to make a mess of my floor. Only one I'd let get away with it. He turned in his seat, bum leg falling off the crate. A glimpse of damp black locks from beneath a dark hood sent him reeling.
Inej Ghafa. The fucking Wraith herself. Idiot.
He could tell she was angry before her gaze met his, it was practically radiating off of her. He steeled himself against the usual soft brown eyes that turned narrowed and dark. For a moment, Kaz forgot to breathe.
"What business, Wraith?" Kaz kept his rocksalt rasp monotone, gulping down the unpleasant lump that felt like lead in his throat.
"Is that all you have to say to me?" Inej tore her eyes away from him, pushing the hood off her head. One foot rested on the window sill, the other foot barely scraping the ground as it dangled. She stared blankly at the wall, brows furrowed. "After all this time?"
No, I have a thousand words to say to you. He turned back to his desk, picking up his notes. Kaz pretended to read, trailing his hard eyes over the same sentence and seeing nothing. " I told you not to come back."
The window clamped shut and her feet hit the floor, barely audible. He could feel her moving closer. Restrained, aggrieved energy shadowed her as she inched around him, stopping right beside the spot on his desk she used to sit. Kaz raised his eyebrow as he stared at the page blankly, not even sparing her a glance.
Shut this down, Brekker. She's a distraction you don't need. He opened his mouth to speak.
Her gloved fingers snatched away the paper and she sashayed a few steps back. Kaz pushed up from his seat, his face set to stone and a dangerous glint in his eye. His expression faltered for a fraction of a second when he took in the hurt in her eyes and the changes in her face. Her cheeks were tinged pink, weathered by the time at sea. A thin scar traced her right temple, pushing back into her hairline. It looked to be the mark of a blade and he wondered where she'd acquired it. Her ears were pierced several times and her ebony hair hung loosely around her face in damp waves. The very same molten chocolate orbs that threatened to drop him to his knees stared steadily with unspoken resolve.
Inej slipped a folded paper from her tunic and stepped towards him, shoving it against his chest. "Since you're having trouble reading your notes, why don't you read this instead?"
"How long have you been sitting there?" Kaz deadpanned, fighting off the wave of revulsion at being touched. His fingers immediately clasped the paper, unfolding it gingerly. His brow furrowed when his inquisitive orbs found the first word:
Shevrati.
"Long enough," she muttered.
Kaz could hear the strain of held-back tears in her voice.
'Shevrati,
Where did my best friend go?
See me on Berth 22, with your stupid emblem on my ship.
Pistols blazing and knives drawn? What happened to fight our way out together?
I don't want to let you go.
I would rather brave the death of a thousand cuts than spend another second living this half-truth. Whether Ketterdam lies in ash or blooms with the sickness of men, I will always come back home to you. If you turn away now, I will give up on finding you.'
Kaz flicked bewildered eyes up to hers, teeth clenched behind a closed mouth. A ripple of fear rolled through him like a stranger come too close, followed by crushing guilt and longing. Bury it. Burn it. Get her out. Keep her safe.
"My armor is gone, Kaz. I know what I want. Can you say the same?" Inej clutched his notes like a lifeline- like those irrelevant words on paper would be the last piece of him she'd ever get. He noticed her eyes left him in favor of the object of her airborne assault a few moments prior. He glanced over to the crumpled piece of paper and knew immediately what he was looking at. It was his letter, the last one he sent her. When Kaz turned back, a tear slipped down Inej's cheek.
Kaz needed to throw the letter in her face and toss her out of the window, but he wanted to tell her everything he felt. Instead, Kaz stood there with his heart hammering in his chest and his leg threatening to buckle beneath him. He was stronger than this, but in front of her, the walls crumbled every time.
"You deserve better than what I can give you. Get out."
"You're right." Her words hung in the air for several excruciating moments. Inej rolled her shoulders back. She'd leave now. He'd watch her walk away. He'd have to let her go. That was what he wanted, right? No, no, no.
Her voice came too quickly, hanging onto a frustrated sigh, "I deserve the man who believed in me when I had nothing left to give. I deserve the man who saved me every single day since he took me from the Menagerie. Where is he?"
Kaz's eyes were on her again, his face utterly devoid of emotion while he worked over her words. He steeled himself for what would surely break her heart:
"Inej, get out. You're not welcome here anymore."
Her letter crinkled in his fist as he watched her vault out of the window.