Title: Night Musings

Author: Old One Fire Goddess

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters...Though I would dearly love to own Gavin. And I made no money off of them please don't sue.

Summery: Rachell reflects on her feelings for Gavin. This is befo Steve came to theBay (whoopie...sorry)

Rating: R because of some naughty words and rape is mentioned not to mention sexual thoughts.

Feedback: Loved it , Hated it, thought it was depressing as hell? Please let me know. Just be warned that flames will be used and the next Campire Girls cook out ;).

'He is beautiful, I mean most people would think I was weird for noticing that about my best friend, but it so very obvious. Besides , Gav is more than my best friend. He is my life. I mean he was there with me through everything. He has been there since I was five and he was four. Most people don't know that he is younger than me. Most people don't really give a damn. I mean , laying hear next to him and watching him sleep is better than any drug that the world can come up with. He was the first person who I told about my Mom and Dad splitting . When I was seven , I told him about how my dad would try to kick the shit out of me. Oh god ,he wasn't pleased. He almost went down there and tried to kick the shit out of Dad. Try be the operative word , my Dad was a big guy. Was being yet another operative word. Dad ran off when I was nine. When I got tits and my rag , Gavin came to the rescue with one of his shirts , both to cover up the stain on my jeans and to cover the fact that I had to large mountains springing forth from my chest. Then when I was thirteen , he was there again. When I told him that Chug had raped me ; he was the only one who would listen...He was the only one who gave a damn. Even back then Chug was bigger than scrawny Gavin , but Gav still beat the Hell out of him for me. So many times he has come to my defense , and now I watch him sleep. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be held by him; have him pin me down underneath him and not just in a goofing way. Let me tell ya I got this one fantasy where he comes and slips his cock inside of me and starts slamming me in to nearest door/wall/locker/floor. He always makes me come in them too , when you are a high school girl that thought is pretty much enough to be a fantasy on it's own. Don't get me wrong , I am not complaining about the sex I get now...though it's been at least a year since I got any...it's just that I have always pictured sex with Gavin different. For one I have happened to have stared discreetly at his bulge a couple of times and it don't look small...I think we can just leave it at that. But still yanking my mind away from the 'dirty' and 'naughty' part of what I wish our relationship could be. Yeah, thinking about it ; I would love to be with Gavin in a classical cheesy high school "I am going with him" letterman jacket , not that Gavin would dream of having one of those, kind of way. So that's the reason I don't let myself think about it that often. Because , if we did get into relationship, and I fucked it up or he somehow screwed it up ; and I lost my bestfriend , it would kill me. So , on nights like this when we are laying together and his breathing is at this slow place ; I let my thoughts wonder over the idea a little bit. I mean hell isn't everyone allowed to dream. Even sarcastic angry detached people like me...Still it would be nice to here him say 'I love you Rachel' and not mean it in a friendship way. Well I guess I will never know , but that perfectly Alright with me. At least we have each other in this way , and in some ways this is more important than any other way. Cause at the end of the day what is a boyfriend going to give you but a romp in the car and possibly an STD or a very much unwanted bun in the oven...' Rachel's thoughts where cut off as Gavin stirred and looked into her beautiful eyes.

'Man she is gorgeous,' He thought lovingly to himself.

"I see I have caught you staring at my beautiful self yet again. Oh Rae when will you let the passion override you schoolmarmish ways and go at it with me in your truck like the brainless teenagers we are...oomph."

"Fail to be a tumor Gav," Rachel spat at him.

"Fail to be a bimmy bitch," he shot back at her; rubbing his side where she had elbowed him at.

And so the two went on bantering carelessly not knowing that soon a change was coming that would collapse down both their lives , and change them forever.