1So, here's another update. I hope the wait wasn't too long.
"My soul
Burns
With a fire of darkness
Quenched only in the pain
Of loneliness
I hold my breath waiting
Until spots appear black as the past
And fill my lungs with lies of hope
I mark myself
Black and jagged
To cover the scars
That make me a monster
A warning
This is not a place of honor
No esteemed dead are buried here"
Jack had let out a sigh.
"All of that, yet it wasn't metered verse so it got rejected. Screw Galactic Poetry Monthly, perhaps just screw poetry all together." Jack's anger quickly turned to embarrassment as she heard approaching footsteps. 'The last thing I need is someone like Zaeed to know about this.' [1]
"I apologize for eavesdropping, but I thought it was pretty good." Shortly after hearing this Samara had walked into view wearing her usual attire: a reddish-orange battle-suit that covered everything, and seemed almost sparse, save an ornate looking neck decoration. [2]
'Her? Now I kind of wish it was Zaeed.' The Justicar was someone who gave Jack unease. Especially since the only thing that seemed to separate them coming to blows was that they were on a suicide mission. "I thought you would be more of the inner calm and peaceful type, like some religious people on Earth."
"I would like to be. Yet, I too am no stranger to personal horror. This poem of yours speaks to me on that level. It tells of someone who suffers from hurt, and yet wears a mask and puts up walls, all so you can never be hurt again. It is painfully familiar."
"What the hell happened to you, you don't seem so messed up, other than you being a ruthless vigilante. But It figures everyone here is messed up in some way or another, except Tali and the general crew." Jack was outwardly nonchalant, but inwardly curious.
"I am a Justicar not a vigilante." The Asari seemed sterner than usual. "Although I can see how one would come to that conclusion. Many would view us as outdated, or little better than the Spectre's in how we operate. Yet a Justicar must give up all possessions and leave their old lives behind. I had lost so much before I became one and gave up what little I had left."
"I lost everything right when I was born, and I only got the slightest glimpses of happiness by being a criminal since. At least you can say you had good memories to go make?" Jack's voice had a tone of bitterness.
"Yes, only for them all to become bittersweet. There are sometimes days where I feel as if it were better to have never had those memories in the first place." Surprise appeared on Jack's face. She thought she was pretty much one of the more screwed up people here, although the jury was out on the Cheerleader still.
"I had something like that, I once ran with a pirate crew, it was a nice operation until we were caught. Our captain said he loved me right as he lay dying. Can you believe such a thing, I'm just a violent bitch out for revenge, and someone actually loves me?"
"Of course I can believe it, someone loved me once." Samara said remorsefully.
"No shit, what did you do?" Asked, almost surprised at herself. 'I never cared to go listen to stories from older people, not since Dahlinda got arrested. I kind of miss that old blue skank. Zaeed would like her.'
"I ran with a mercenary group, they existed a good nine or so centuries ago." Jack raised an eyebrow, she knew some Asari seemed to talk about long ago experiences like they were only a few decades, but this Justicar was truly ancient. "I joined not long after I was forty, and I grew to like the excitement and the danger. Especially when I could win." Jack have a small smirk to the Justicar's disappointment
"Younger you sounds like fun. So how did it all go bad, you got wiped out by a rival, betrayal?" The Justicar's eyes became cold, and Jack was unsure if their color heightened that feeling.
"I Betrayed them. They sold people into slavery." Samara was short, and to the point.
"So?" Jack shrugged her shoulders, but then the Jusiticar's ice blue eyes glared at her like cold fire. "People do horrible shit to each other all the time."
"They were going to sell them to the Collectors. I told the crew to turn around, but they refused. I could not bear to do what I was doing any longer, so I killed them, took the ship to a nearby relay and gave them weapons and credits from the crew."
"Was being a hero really that bad?" Jack wondered what she had to complain about.
"When you had to wonder how many horrible things did you let happen? When you had to kill your own friends, even those who you loved, and wondered if you should have talked them down? Yes." Sadness crossed the Asari's face, before a rare smile replaced it. "Then I met them or her, for lack of a proper human. Janeia D'Sana. Even after the dating, dancing, and the sex a part of me wondered how could anyone love me." [3]
"Then what happened, it couldn't have all been sunshine and rainbows if your here on a suicide mission with us?" The Justicar stopped to think for a moment.
'Damn it she wouldn't know that expression.' Jack mentally scolded herself.
"She died of a condition, we were supposed to have centuries together, we barely had one. Before she passed, she said that our three children would give me meaning in my life, once she passed." An unusually warm smile appeared on her face, Jack felt it seemed so unnatural given how she usually seemed. She almost came off as normal.
"My eldest daughter Mirala was an aspiring artist. She believed that art could reconcile our imperfect world, or allow us to speak from our own souls." [4]
"I take it she died." Jack noticed the use of the past tense. 'Here comes the tragedy, it always comes, doesn't it.'
"Murdered, by another Asari who was close to me like another daughter. Her name was Morinth, she has a genetic condition that causes her to kill, and embraced it." Jack wondered if Samara was uncertain or even sad, but didn't really care to say so. "Now I have dedicated myself to hunting Morinth down, forsaking everything else for almost four hundred and fifty years."
"Even your other two daughters?" Jack felt her eyes well up, before hate filled her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I was taken from my parents so early, that I don't even know their faces or names! Sometimes I wonder what they are doing and if they would even care about me now!" Jack had to force herself not to cry. "Yet when I hear of people like Jacob's father, or you I feel like I am truly better off not knowing them."
Jack expected anger, fury, she was hoping for it. Maybe she would fight her, maybe she could break the Justicar and feel that joyous rush of violence return. However she soon saw that same look of calm return, and it just made her angry.
"Perhaps I am a failure of a parent, perhaps I never should have had children in the first place. However your life has just started, the darkness of your life doesn't have to define it entirely, unless you want it to."
"So what are you going to do? Preach to me that life is wonderful and worth living, or that there is some place of happiness once we die?" Jack scoffed. "One cult was enough for me, and I didn't believe in any of that nonsense."
"No that would be lying, life is a cold uncaring thing, and we are nothing but mere insects to it. However it is the people we know, love, and cherish that can make it worthwhile. But if you accept there can only be evil in your life, you'll never be happy, even if that evil seems ever present."
"Then what about you? you've lost everything, or gave up on what was left like a coward! You are just going to tell me that life could be better or remember better times. Even when all of those better times for you did not matter, when everyone you love is dead or gone by your own actions?" Jack would be eager to see what would happen next. 'Maybe, this ought to set her off. The nerve of her telling me there might be good in this galaxy.' The Asari only sighed and gave her a mournful look.
"That is where you are wrong. Those times did matter. That light, even if it has faded to the point it seems almost alien, was enough to make life worth living knowing that I could find it. You can find that too, even if you have suffered, and I hope that you do."
"Why, what would you gain from it? Some sense of satisfaction so you can say 'Oh you've helped save poor pitiful me? Before you die?" Glaring brown eyes met impassively icy ones. "In this world, there is always someone going to use you, are you going to use me to make yourself feel good?"
"No, only that you remind me too much of my daughter Mirala, of Morinth too, and perhaps even a little of myself. Mirala was passionate in what she put into her art, but always willing to stick by her siblings and her friends. Morinth is brave and strong, but has consigned herself to a life of darkness in the pursuit of freedom at the cost of others." Samara was going to finish but was quickly cut off.
"Maybe this Morinth has a point." Samara's gaze became fierce, but Jack couldn't care less. "Freedom is the only thing I have, and I don't care what I would have to do to keep it. Yeah I ran with others, but it always ends in tears, and this time won't be too different."
"And if this time is different? If it doesn't end in tears?" Samara asked, only for Jack to cross her arms
"What Grunt, Tali, and the chatterboxes live and aren't broken by what we might have to face? I'm only here because I'm dangerous, good at fighting, and was sprung out because Shepard recruited me. What should I do afterward, become a poet?"
"Yes. This galaxy has enough killers, soldiers, and criminals."
"But I am a killer and a criminal."
"And an artist." Jack's anger stopped for a moment. "The galaxy needs more people like that."
"I can't understand why you think I could change despite everything?" Anger and confusion appeared on former convict's face.
"As I said before, I am haunted at times by my past, sometimes twice over. Yet just because my life might as well have been some cruel joke, does not mean I can hope others lives cannot be so dark."
"So to ask you a question, let's say you do kill this Morinth and avenge your daughter. Would you just go back to your daughters?" The matriarch aged asari merely frowned
"I am unsure. As you said before, I am a coward."
"How? You hardly seem to flinch at anything, even my words."
"Fear comes in many forms, and some are more psychological than physical. I fear seeing my daughter's faces again at times. How do I explain what has happened for the last four hundred years? How do I explain that I am no longer the mother they once knew as I stare into old images of me and sometimes see a stranger? Morinth has perhaps been the only familiar constant of my life, aside from the Justicar Order. Hope can be the most terrifying thing to go have, and I do not know if I want that for myself."
"Well, you might have some time to think about that after we stop the Collectors."
"I shall, if I do not decide to find Cerberus and teach them the error of their ways first, I will need plenty of bullets." A cocky smile appeared on Jack's face.
"I hope you're not going to leave me out of that party, if you need another gun."
Before Samara could say anything more footsteps approached.
In stepped Kasumi with her hood down revealing short black hair in a pixie cut.
"There you are, I've been looking for you Justicar." Kasumi stopped as her eyes almost widened. "Oh, I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
"Nah, just some girl talk."
"Then I guess I'll just let you both know, it seems Mordin is expanding his dancing advice for Garrus into a full on class that's going to start the next time we have some down time." Jack leaned in with mischievous smirk on her face.
"Sounds interesting, I may have to investigate depending on the dancing."
"You, dancing?" Jack looked at Samara as if she were crazy. "That would be something to see."
"You do realize, I had a life before being a Justicar. I hope it is not down tempo, or too up tempo, nothing I have is really suitable."
"Now, I have to show up." Kasumi only laughed.
"You do know, that if you show up, you have to dance right?" Kasumi saw the color drain from Jack's face.
"Why he would he do that?" Kasumi only gave a smile. "He knew you would say something, didn't he. At least, I won't be embarrassed alone."
"That's the spirit." Kasumi said giving a wave before moving on.
"I apologized if I have wasted your time, you do not owe me anything Jack, but could you please reflect on my words and continue your poetry if nothing else."
"I'm not gonna make any promises, Sam." The justicar gave a small nod, with a glimpse of a smile on her face.
[1] That poem actually appears in-game in Jack's Shadow Broker Dossier.
[2] Only realizing this later, I've never really liked that someone as complex and deep as Samara was given an outfit that had what was practically just fanservice, which even the Bioware developers admitted to. Especially when her daughter practically dressed more modestly than her, so I made a simple change, that I feel doesn't do too much, but doesn't need to.
[3] The name of Samara's bondmate is never revealed so this is an invention of mine. The initial use of them was more to get across that perhaps the Asari adopted gendered language when interacting with other species, and Asari that go by they/them pronouns do exist at least according to ME Andromeda.
[4] Mirala was Morinth's birthname and you only find that out either through the Shadow Broker dossier on Samara, or her message to her sisters if you spare Morinth in ME 2.
I hope no one mind's my take on Samara, especially because I find her to be a criminally underexplored or even underused character.
I've kind of fallen for the idea of her as perhaps the better fit for Space Batman, well Space Batwoman than Garrus is usually portrayed as, even if she would be a mix of 1989 and Flashpoint Batman. Basically like 1989 Batman her 'archenemy' made her who she is now, and like Flashpoint Batman her archenemy is someone close to her. Especially considering some interpretations have Bruce as a broken person haunted by something they could not control beneath the mask, and I kind of run with that same feeling with Samara.
Also I'm making the next chapter something of a 'breather' as much as I like imagining the conversations they could have or connections they could make. I don't want to feel like I'm writing enough melodrama to make soap operas and telenovela's seem gritty and realistic.