3Disclaimer: I do not own the Avatar series or its characters.
Warning: There are some dark themes explored in this fic, including child abuse, disordered eating, suicidal thinking, and some graphic depictions of violence and punishment.
Title Inspiration: "Roslyn" by Bon Iver
When Zuko was five years old, he began to notice that something was wrong.
One minute he was fine, eating family dinner, and the next, he was clutching his cheek, tears springing to his eyes with the sharp sting of nothing.
He ran to his mother, who sat at the other side of the dinner table, climbing into her lap as he sobbed his little heart out. "It hurts! It hurts!" he cried.
His mother took his face gently into her hands; her fingers ghosted over his cheek and he flinched at her touch. "Zuko, my love," she said, "there's nothing there. Why does it hurt? Did you fall somewhere?"
He shook his head 'no' while his little sister snickered at him. He was just sitting there; he was being good. His father glared at him with great disapproval. "Ursa, he is just being an unruly child. Send him away and let us eat in peace."
Ursa glanced at her husband, something dangerous flickering in her eyes, before turning back to her son, her expression softening immediately. "Darling, we are going to go to the infirmary. Will you walk with me?"
Zuko nodded as he jumped off his mother's lap and held her hand while they walked away together. Azula's silent snickers grew into full-blown laughter. "He's such a baby!"
Choosing not to respond, he held his hand to his cheek, touching the raised skin that felt tingly and raw. The pain was ever so slowly receding, but it had come out of nowhere so quickly, Zuko had no way to properly react and respond. When they finally reached the infirmary, his mother dismissed the attendant and chose to care for her son on her own. She chose a blue balm from the bottom shelf and picked her son up to place him on the bed.
"Where does it hurt, Zuko?" she asked kindly, and even though he was only five, Zuko could tell his mother didn't believe that he was actually hurt in any way.
He pointed to his left cheek, his tears still rolling down like giant raindrops. Ursa dipped a hand into the balm and pulled out a small glob of the medicine. Gently, she rubbed the cooling lotion on her son's face, massaging it with tender care. "Better?"
Zuko nodded, his tears starting to slow down as his heartrate reached a semblance of normalcy.
"You want to tell me what that was about?" Ursa asked, no hint of menace in her voice.
The young boy shrugged; he wasn't even sure himself.
"Okay," Ursa nodded empathetically. "Well, next time you feel hurt, use this magic medicine and you will feel better."
"Can I go to my room now?" Zuko asked pathetically; the embarrassment of crying in front of his father had set in and he felt his face reddening in shame.
"Of course, my love. Would you like me to walk you?"
He wanted to say 'no' at first, but his heart won out at the end and he held his hand out for his mother to hold once again. They walked together to his room and once he was tucked in and kissed on the forehead, he was left alone with his thoughts. Despite what he told his mother, while the cooling balm had felt nice, it did not really help. He climbed out of his bed and stood in front of the mirror. With one finger, Zuko outlined the raised skin below his eye.
He wondered why nobody believed he was hurt, especially when he could easily trace the imprint of a hand that had covered his whole cheek.
When Mai was seven years old, she was forced by her mother to come to the palace more and more often.
It was good for a young lady like herself to build an alliance with the royal family and make connections with the young princess and prince. "Who knows," her mother told her, "maybe one day you could become a royal princess just like Princess Azula. She might be your future sister-in-law."
"I don't want to be princess," Mai had protested. Prince Zuko didn't even like her or know her name and Princess Azula was just terrifying. She couldn't imagine being in the royal family.
Of course, her mother had simply chosen to ignore her; she did that a lot nowadays.
So Mai found herself sitting against a tree while Ty Lee and Azula ran around and played with each other. Mai fidgeted, wanting to be anywhere but at the palace. She was so bored.
Then, she saw him. Prince Zuko was just walking by with his mother and Mai felt a blush unwillingly creep up her face turning her cheeks a rosy color. Her mother's words echoed in her head: Maybe one day you could become a royal princess.
Like a magnet, Zuko turned his head and made eye contact with her, both their pupils widening as they took each other in. Mai saw his face blush as rosy pink as her own and she quickly turned away, going back to fiddling with her thumbs.
Unbeknownst to her, Azula had watched the quick exchange between her friend and brother with hawk eyes and decided to take matters into her own hands. She set them up, having Mai stand with an apple on her head while Zuko watched. Azula didn't really know what she had in mind for them; all she knew was that she liked watching them squirm.
Mai really did not want to stand there, but she knew better than to argue with a princess. Plus, she could see her mother off in the distance watching what was happening.
The fire princess set the apple ablaze easily, but Mai couldn't help the fear that gripped at her heart. Despite the fire being on the piece of fruit, the heat was close enough to her hair that Mai could feel a little singe. The smell of fire overwhelmed her nostrils and despite it being a small flame, Mai's heart beat loudly out of her chest to the point of it being painful. She knew the consequences of fire. She knew the power it had. She knew the damage it caused.
Her breath caught in her throat.
She could feel her mother's words breathing down her neck. At least you're standing still, her mother would say. Keep the princess happy.
She couldn't breathe.
Then, Mai imagined her mother frowning down at her. Try not to let your hair catch on fire, Mai. As if she had any say in if her hair would or would not catch on fire. Nobody will marry an ugly girl with burnt hair, especially not the young prince.
She needed air.
And suddenly, all the breath (or what was left in her) was knocked out with a woosh as the young Prince Zuko tackled her and pushed the two of them into the fountain behind them.
The apple fell off her head into the water, taking the fire with it.
And suddenly, Mai could feel air returning to her lungs and her breathing returning to normal.
Mai pushed the prince off of her. "Why would you do that?" she muttered.
Zuko looked at her imploringly with those sparkling golden eyes of his. "You were scared."
"No, I wasn't," Mai protested, watching as Ty Lee and Azula made their way towards the two of them. "Go away. I don't need you to protect me."
"They're so cute together," Azula crooned.
Mai seethed, "You two are such— ugh!" She watched as Zuko walked past his mother, screaming about how girls are crazy— maybe she was.
After that, Mai approached her mother and asked to go home. She thought her mother would finally comply since Mai was soaking wet and in an even worse mood than before. Rather, she was given a new set of clothes, told to change, and meet back at the courtyard for a group picnic with the royal family.
Once she was presentable, Mai walked towards the picnic where her mother and Azula's mother were laying out the food. Azula and Ty Lee continued to play off to the side and Zuko was there as well, glowering with his arms crossed, as he sat by his mother.
When Zuko finally looked up and saw Mai, his frown deepened and he stared at the trail of beetle-ants as they stole little crumbs of bread from the picnic basket to take back to their nest.
She sat beside him, feeling slightly guilty for pushing him off and yelling at him the way she did when all he wanted to do was help. She sighed lightly before admitting, "I was scared."
Zuko continued to stare at the ground, but Mai could see that his expression softened, even if just by a little. "I know."
When Zuko was eleven years old, he was used to injuries appearing on his skin that no one else could see.
He had once told his mother everything, who finally took him to see a professional. The old healer looked him over, frowning as he held Zuko's ankle tightly despite loud protests that his ankle was twisted and swollen. The healer didn't even talk to him; he simply looked at Ursa and shook his head disappointingly, claiming the young prince was lying for attention. "That," the healer said, "or the prince is just mentally unstable believing he has injuries where there are none."
His mother had reacted quite poorly to that, giving the healer a stern talking to that not even he or Azula had ever had to face. She grabbed Zuko off the bed he was being examined on and placed him back on the wheelchair she had brought him in.
The healer had begun to scoff at that action, about to claim once more that Zuko didn't need a wheelchair because he was perfectly fine, but one death glare from the Fire Lady and the healer withered back, allowing her to walk out of the infirmary with no less answers than when she came.
"Mentally unstable," Ursa growled to herself as she pushed her son back to his room. "The nerve of that man." She reached forward, letting one hand go of the handle and patted Zuko's cheek. "You're alright, Zuko. Don't listen to that man."
He nodded, not really understanding what that man had told them anyway and not comprehending why it had angered his mother so much.
Later, when Zuko admitted to Azula what the healer had told him, his little sister cackled hysterically. "He thinks you're crazy, Zuzu!"
Zuko just hobbled away to be by himself, his right ankle throbbing and shooting pains up and down his leg.
After that incident, the injuries were smaller and less frequent. Zuko never spoke a word again about it. His hurt was his to deal with and he would never ever ask for help. Unless someone else pointed out an injury, whether it be a scratch or a bruise, Zuko never complained and he never cried about his pain again.
Besides, now that his mother was gone, Zuko had nobody to go to anyway.
When Mai was eleven years old, she knew better than to have an opinion.
Her mother, who held her hand while they walked to the palace together, stopped in her steps and jerked Mai towards her, who let out a quick yelp in surprise. "I did not ask for you to talk back to me, Mai. You are a young girl, the daughter of a powerful nobleman, so you must act like it. You must be seen and not heard. Your father and I think it is a good idea for you to be friends with the princess and we expect you to listen to us. Do I make myself clear?"
Mai nodded, biting her lower lip to quell the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes.
Seen and not heard. That phrase had been ingrained into her head since she was a toddler, but it was difficult for a girl like her to be quiet. Her mother grew more and more frustrated with her and less and less patient.
Everything was planned out for her. Her clothes, her friends, her future.
Every occasion, every party, every day was scheduled in advance with no arguments.
Her father had just cut another political deal and her family was invited to another celebratory feast so one rich politician could pat the back of another rich politician over the fact that they could now make even more money than they had before.
She sat at the dinner table poking at her bowl of rice. There was lively chatter around her with her father entertaining the older politicians. She watched as her father bellowed out another fake laugh, sucking up to the gluttonous snakes who were so caught up in their own wealth that they did not see outside their little bubble. How pathetic, she thought to herself.
One stab into the rice, but Mai did not have the heart to put the food in her mouth.
Everyone ignored her. As long as she was there and as long as she was seen and not heard, she could do whatever she wanted.
She could eat her food. She could not.
She decided.
It was not that she didn't enjoy the taste of food, but she didn't have it shoved down her throat like everything else in her life. Her mother never badgered her to eat and she never commented on her food choices; Mai decided when and what and how much to eat. Mai had control.
She continued the dangerous practice of not eating when it was planned for her, choosing rather to find inconvenient moments to pick up snacks here and then to feed her hunger. It brought her a thrill when the servants placed a plate of food in front of her and then returned a half hour later to take the dish back with all its content still present. She chose not to eat and nobody stopped her.
But while she had control over her food, one day, she realized that others did not share that same luxury.
The next morning while she was visiting the princess with her mother, Mai overheard a few of the palace servants talking about the poor fire prince and how he was not permitted to have any dinner the night before because of his failure to learn some firebending pose.
Furrowing her brow in thought, Mai took in the information that was provided. She spent most of her time sitting like the prim and proper lady she was, so when she was running low on energy and sustenance, it didn't bother her too much. Zuko, on the other hand, was expected to be a warrior, full of fuel and energy. He was expected to be able to fight and move his body with power that came from the gut. It was rather contradictory to restrict the prince's food intake, when that would have helped him more to learn the firebending pose he was apparently struggling with. Mai rolled her eyes, people were stupid.
Looking out the palace window, Mai found Zuko on the grass below, staring at the flowing water of the fountain. He was slouched over and there were dark shadows under his eye. Mai felt a gnawing at her stomach, which she realized was from hunger.
Before walking out, Mai found the servants who were discussing the prince's status and made them a request. The servants complied immediately and Mai, holding the silver platter, ambled over to join the lonely, dark-haired boy.
Zuko eyed her curiously as she plopped down beside him, but he didn't say a word. Then, Mai removed the white napkin that covered the plate and his eyes widened as he took in the pile of glorious fruit tarts that were delicately placed in a circle. The juicy mangos, the bright strawberries, the plump blueberries…
Zuko's stomach growled loudly, an echo of what Mai had felt only moments before.
Taking a delicate bite of the tart, Mai felt the sweetness fill her mouth and envelope all her senses. The flavor burst as the juices swirled around her tongue and Mai had to shut her eyes to completely enjoy the taste. When she opened her eyes again, she found Zuko staring at her enviously. Swallowing the bite, Mai took another tart and offered the boy one.
He reached out before hesitating and withdrawing his hand to his lap, head bowed in defeat. "I can't."
She shrugged apathetically. "More for me."
Eating the one that she had just offered, Mai slowly began to feel her hunger dissipate, leaving only a feeling of content.
"I can almost taste it," Zuko muttered, so low that Mai thought she might have misheard it.
"Just eat one then." Mai held out another one to him. "I won't tell."
Contemplating, Zuko bit down on his lower lip, trying (and failing) to resist the temptation. "Maybe just one." Even after taking just the one tart that she had offered, Mai began to notice color returning to his face almost immediately.
The two of them lounged around the fountain, enjoying the sounds of the gentle wind and the sights of the colorful garden, until Azula inevitably found her and forced her to come play with her and Ty Lee. Knowing she had no other choice, Mai did not protest and stood up to follow the princess, but she left the plate of fruit tarts behind, hoping Zuko would understand the message and eat more.
When she turned around for a second to check if he did, she found him standing in some strange pose. The princess noticed her distraction and turned to see what had caught Mai's attention. The two of them watched as Zuko spun out of the stance he was in and into a high kick, landing delicately on both feet; there was a bright smile on his face and he did a little celebratory dance.
"Huh," Azula commented. "I guess the idiot finally learned how to do it right. Looks like he'll be eating dinner tonight."
Mai let some hair fall into her face to cover her soft smile as she watched Zuko's victory dance.
So would she.
When Zuko was twelve years, he became a master at hiding his pain.
He practiced daily and now, nobody would see the little winces when he felt like he stubbed his toe (even though he was just lying in bed) or his sharp hisses when there was a little paper cut on his finger (even though he was just petting a turtleduck).
While he had mastered pain, he had in no way mastered firebending. Zuko had to do extra well today. Today was the first day his sister would be joining him for his firebending lessons. Younger than him, but already moving higher up in the ranks, Azula had been declared a prodigy and was going to be joining Zuko in learning from a master firebender.
Not only that, today, Zuko also had an audience who would be watching his performance. Granted, the two girls that always followed Azula around were not watching him specifically, but he still didn't want to embarrass himself. However, things usually never seemed to go Zuko's way.
Azula already seemed to grasp the movements that Zuko had been working on for well over a week. She moved with sharp precision, her pointed nails firing with deadly accuracy.
Zuko tried to keep to himself, but when Azula had turned and bumped into him, he couldn't help the irritation that bubbled inside of him. "Why don't you stay in your own space?" he shot at her.
"Why don't you get your firebending right?" Azula taunted right back. One of Azula's friends, the one with braids, Ty Lee, giggled at that, while the other, the one with straight bangs and bows in her hair, Mai, simply rolled her eyes.
"I am!" Zuko protested heatedly.
"No, you're not!" Azula shouted back. "Dad! Zuko bumped into me and messed me up!"
Zuko jumped back, his head turning wildly to find his father. He did not realize that the Fire Lord was watching and could not stem the fear building in his heart. He finally found him, glaring down at him with stern eyes and a set frown.
His father didn't yell. He didn't scream or flail his arms or rage wildly at him. Zuko was a disappointment. Disappointments weren't worth getting yelled at. Rather, his father grabbed his wrist and held it tightly, his strong fingers being able to wrap and overlap around Zuko's thin flesh.
He did not protest when his father did not ask him what really happened nor did he protest when Azula stuck her tongue out at him from behind her father.
Fire Lord Ozai did not yell, so the prince did not yell.
So when Ozai held his wrist and fire burst from his palm, the prince was silent. The prince grit his teeth and held back the tears that sprung to his eyes. The prince would be strong, as strong as the Fire Lord.
The prince would be a master of pain.
Zuko heard a strangled gasp somewhere around him and saw a flurry of movement from the corner of his eye as a small body ran off.
After his father let go, Zuko released a breath and cradled his injured wrist to his heart.
The Fire Lord did not say a word. And just like that he was gone.
"See," Azula taunted, a haughty smile stretched over her small face, "even dad knows you suck at firebending."
He didn't argue. How could he argue with a statement he wholeheartedly agreed with?
Instead, the young prince ran off in the opposite direction. Somewhere hidden where no one could find him.
Still clutching his wound to his chest, he found an abandoned corner of the castle. He collapsed on the floor and though tears of pain leaked from his eyes, he refused to make a sound.
In the darkness, he heard a tiny sniffle. Zuko turned his head to the side to find the young girl with bows in her hair, who Zuko had only seen roll her eyes and push away when he tried to help, with tears streaming down her face.
The two of them caught each other's gaze and it was like the pain that he felt had intensified and lessened at the same time—like an ocean wave.
The first thing Zuko saw was her fear.
The second was the way she held her wrist.
She had been burned, but it never occurred to Zuko to ask how or why she got the burn.
"Does it hurt?" he asked her.
Her eyes widened in shock, allowing for more tears to escape. She looked down at her injured wrist, red and inflamed, and nodded.
Without another word, Zuko got up, ignoring his own stinging wrist, and ran to the infirmary, taking a small glass container off the bottom shelf before the healer could catch him.
Running back, he sat across from the girl, who had not moved an inch since he left, and took her hand in his. He opened the jar and dipped his fingers in, pulling out some of the blue salve—the magic medicine. He gently applied the salve on her bare wrists, keeping track of her breathing and how it slowed as the salve set in. "My mom would always put this on me whenever it hurt and I would feel better," Zuko explained.
"Your wrist," Mai whispered. He had been so busy tending to her, he had ignored his own burn.
"It's okay," Zuko said. "It's not that bad. I get burned there a lot, so I'm used to it. It'll go away soon."
"No, it doesn't."
"What?" Zuko's eyes lifted from tending to her wound to meet her steel gaze.
"It hurts for at least a week," she said, unflinchingly maintaining eye contact.
Zuko blinked owlishly. "How do you know?"
"He always burns you there and it always hurts for a week. I know it. I felt it."
He let out a little gasp and released her wrist, backing up quickly. "What? How—"
"You can see my burn," Mai stated, wiping away her stray tears. "They thought I was crazy. Nobody else could see it and they thought I was crazy."
"What are you talking about?" He frowned, her story sounding ever so familiar.
"Last year," Mai said, ignoring his question. "I sprained my ankle because I was running and tripped over a rock. I had to be in a cast for a whole month."
Zuko looked at her, unwilling realization knocking at his core. "I hurt my ankle too."
"How?" Mai narrowed her eyes and asked the question as if she already knew the answer.
"I- I don't know." A part of him realized that maybe he did.
Mai dipped her own fingers in the salve and moved closer to Zuko. She began applying the medicine on his burn. "I don't know how I got my burn. But I think you know how you got yours."
"You're insane." Zuko snatched his wrist back and cradled it to his chest. "And- and it doesn't even hurt anymore."
"Liar."
Zuko ran out of the room and away from the strange girl with the bows in her hair.
Author's Note: Just a reminder that this is a three-shot, so the next two parts will continue their story! I will be doing a mix of scenes from the show and scenes that will be AU.
I started this way back in the beginning of quarantine in 2020 and it took me this long to finally finish working on it and post lol. I've never written anything quite like this, so hopefully you enjoyed it! Please leave a review if you did cause it would make my day!