3,254Chapter 126: Reminders of the past
It is an experiment first and foremost.
He is unsure of what the end result of it would be but it is always better to begin from a point of familiarity rather than attempting something different from the onset.
Apparently this spot is frequently used for the purpose, therefore he enacts this as the first location.
His eyes sweep over every detail and determine that everything is in place.
It is acceptable.
No, not quite.
His fingers lower to the table and circle around the rim of the cup, turning it ever so slightly so that the handle is in the optimal position for grasping. He is aware that his guest is right handed and therefore it is logical she will grasp it with her right hand. It would be illogical to assume she would do anything other than.
The assorted confectionery is within the basic standards for what he knows that his guests will enjoy.
Though he is concerned for the sugar content and the effect it will have on her body, it is not as though he is comfortable with her being so reckless with her diet - especially when her life is already so short - but for this single purpose he can at least indulge her addiction. Or so he assumes, this will likely not become a repeated occurrence.
Unless it does.
That will depend on the nature of this meeting and how it progresses.
But there is yet more to be done.
His fingers position the small dish of water further along the table, between the two of them and the small bowl of seed is filled a moment later. But he does not give the command for Flauros to assume his place just yet, it is outside of basic manners to allow such things before the guests have arrived.
Flauros is his familiar and therefore is a representative of him.
What they do reflects his person.
He will not stand being accused of dull savagery.
A final sweep and a nod of the head, he confirms that everything is prepared and with an acceptable margin for the allotted time. He announced that Lysithea should join him in the next five minutes, but if he is correct in his beliefs, she will instead be arriving within the next two minutes, perhaps fewer.
If nothing else, she is enthusiastic.
Holding the chair in his fingers, he pulls it back and sits himself down before pulling it forwards and holding himself against the table. His eyes start to close and he assumes a more meditative posture.
His mind was separated up into different points, dozens of simulated conversations took place within his brain.
He is aware of everything that he can say and that can be said to make this a perfectly acceptable social interaction. There is little that can go wrong within the simulated world of his thoughts. Yet he cannot account for real world actions and there is much that could transpire he cannot account for.
Either because of unexpected variables or-
"Teacher."
His eyes snap open at the word and he turns his head immediately to the direction of the speaker.
She was early.
She was earlier than he anticipated even.
…No, that is fine.
It is acceptable for her to arrive before his calculations, that is no significant blow to him.
"Lysithea."
There, an acceptable acknowledgement and respectful nod of the head. He followed through by raising his hand and gesturing to the space opposite him, the girl was quick to flash a somewhat miniscule smile but it held some level of gluttony as her eyes immediately found the cakes and other biscuits-type foods already assembled for her.
It was nothing more than a flick of the eyes for her, but she did it all the same.
That was much better, within his expected calculations.
Lysithea was quick to assume her seat and pull herself towards the table, the silence falling between them as she quickly glanced about for a moment and seemed to stare in every direction that was not his own before, not so subtly, eyeing the cakes as though she had not eaten anything in days.
Perhaps he should be more concerned for her health than he initially assumed?
"...You are permitted to take as many as you can safely ingest."
Lysithea twitched for a moment, her eyes launching themselves back to him as she straightened out in her chair. For a brief moment it looked as though she was going to say something to him, perhaps something related to the sudden swarm of irritation and shame she felt, before she visibly clenched her jaw and smiled instead.
"Thank you for offering, Teacher."
…That was unexpected.
Or was it?
Was her respect for his position preventing her from openly speaking her mind towards him? He was aware that she held a different attitude towards the other students through nothing more than information via second hand sources.
"We are outside of a professional setting." He tells her instead, keeping his voice level as he moves his hand across and wills the teapot to start boiling. It is better to serve it hot rather than at room temperature. "You may speak to me as you wish without holding the fear that I will recall this at a later date."
Goetia stops, debating what else to say before adding on.
"Especially since I have treated you differently after striking me in my genitals."
Lysithea, oddly enough, chooses that moment to flood her face with blood and turn bright red, her hand - which had been reaching for a cake - snaps back and slams against her chest as she leans forwards, coughing and heaving as though she just choked on something. Yet there is nothing there for her to choke on, therefore she just gasps and sputters loudly.
Through it all, he watches her with a raised brow.
Not the reaction he anticipated.
Her eyes fling themselves towards his own and then immediately part, the shame floods through her mind and the sense of humiliation soon follows it. The two emotions all but dominate her as she presses her hands flat against the table with such force that he is surprised she does not immediately flip it over.
Even with the fact he increased its weight and balance to account for it in the split second before it became clear what she was going to do.
It lasts for a length of time that he was moderately surprised with, especially as it ends with her drawing up to her short stature and giving a smile that was more teeth than lip and looked just as brittle. The way she utterly failed to meet his eyes was acknowledged and he was starting to debate whether bringing up that topic of conversation was the best choice.
…He was sure it was fine.
"I do not hold a grudge."
He felt the need to elaborate.
She twitched again and coughed, bringing her fist to her lips and ducking her head. "P-perhaps we shouldn't speak of it when eating?"
Neither of them were eating at this present point in time.
But he could concede the point.
"Very well." He glanced towards the boiling pot before heading back to Lysithea. "...It is sweet apple blend."
She perked up a little, composure returned to her. "Oh, that's a good flavour."
"I assume you think as much because it contains sugar."
"..."
"There is a very noticeable pattern in your diet."
"..."
"...You do consume a balanced diet, yes?"
"..."
"...I will take that as a yes."
He thought this was going rather well, unfortunately Lysithea was responding less than ideally when he conversed with her. Or tried to.
It was somewhat puzzling.
Conversations with Dorothea were not nearly as one sided as this was shaping up to being and he could not quite understand why that was. Perhaps it was the opening conversation that had thrown her off? Or perhaps there was some personal problem in the background that was contributing? Both were possibilities that he could not dismiss and both were beyond his expectations.
No, if there was a problem he could salvage it.
He twitched his finger and issued a mental command to Flauros.
The finch jumped down to the table and waddled to the small dishes he had set aside for them, assuming its own position and already moving to eat and drink.
Lysithea eyed the bird with some strange sense of detachment, unblinking and stone faced.
"You take them everywhere?"
He glanced at Flauros for a moment before he responded. "Mostly everywhere. Anna has made it clear she does not approve of Flauros being in proximity to her merchandise for fear of waste matter and feathers. I understood her arguments and agreed to them, which means during such periods he is Bernadetta's to watch."
"I see." Lysithea nodded her head slowly, turning to face him. "Your time with the Black Eagles was fruitful then?"
"It was educational." He moved his hand across and procured a strawberry and chocolate biscuit from the pile and set it down on this place, snapping off a small piece as he did so. "Though I am of the belief they would not be so quick to welcome me back to their ranks if I promised to bring with me the training methods. They reacted rather…strongly to them."
He felt that might also be an understatement.
From what he heard, Bernadetta had flown into a terrified rampage at the prospect of fighting Heracles - or imagining she was going to - and then attacked and wounded several knights and Sylvain before she was subdued.
It was as impressive as it was problematic.
Because he felt as though he had lost some of the progress he had made with her as a result of that small issue.
"But I did not call you here to discuss my time with the Black Eagles nor anything wholly related to your academic pursuits."
He dropped the biscuit piece into his mouth.
Hmph.
A curious flavour.
Lysithea raised a questioning brow.
"Tell me of your family."
She blinked several times. "Excuse me?"
"You are more aware of my personal life than most others in this academy with the sole exception of a few others, meanwhile I have little to no knowledge of your own personal life beyond my classes despite being one of the first students I decided to take under my tutelage."
It was a trade that was bothering him.
Or perhaps he felt cheated that so many were aware of his past yet he was unaware of their own.
Whether he truly cared or not was something he did not consider.
For most others, at least.
Lysithea was one of the exceptions, he was genuinely curious as to what her family life was like. How her parents acted and just what sort of upbringing she had before coming to the Monastery and the Academy.
How did her background groom her into the person she was today?
It was the question he was curious about having answered.
"Therefore I would not consider it strange that I am willing to ask questions as to your own personal life. Be assured that it would remain in the strictest confidence if you are concerned as to how your peers-"
Lysithea brought up her hands and held them there for a moment, expression caught between surprise and something different. "No, it is not as though I feel shame towards my past or with my parents. I was just…a touch surprised you wanted to know about that."
She was?
"...Have I given the impression that I care only for your talent and not for you as a person?"
"Not at all." Lysithea was quick with the rebuttal. "But it…no, forgive me for the outburst."
"There is nothing to forgive. I am not offended." He moved to break off another biscuit and stopped as he instead glanced at the teapot.
It was at an ample temperature now.
He flicked his hand and brought it into the air, twisting it around and angling it to pour out into Lysithea's cup.
"I am aware of who you are at the monastery, I have seen and spoken to you often enough that I am familiar with your personality and yet I believe that presents me with only a fraction of the picture. I am curious as to the entirety itself."
He stopped when he felt something different from Lysithea, though her expression showed nothing.
He felt it.
Some deep sense of sadness and sorrow.
A buried pain which she was suppressing.
That…had not been his intention when he diverted to this topic.
Lysithea smiled. "My parents are both very loving towards me. Supportive of all my school accolades and believe wholeheartedly in my abilities."
It was an earnest answer.
And yet the sadness felt more pronounced than before, it was showing in her eyes now as she looked down at her now filled cup. Staring at the contents and likely her own warped reflection as he brought the tea around and poured out his own.
"I suppose…they've had enough problems with the Imperial court after the failed rebellion from House Hrym. I suppose they were lucky to get away with what little they had…"
Goetia frowned as he watched her.
Yes, he was familiar with all of it. He had read all of this in the many books which had been in the library and yet all he recalled was a footnote of the failed rebellion and attempted sessaction. He had known House Ordelia provided support and yet it was strange that he had never thought deeper of it until this moment.
It had been a mere fact.
A detached one at best.
He supposed Lysithea had lived through all of it.
…And he also was aware that House Ordelia had lost…many children to a rather sudden illness which swept through the house not long after the Imperials began a not-so-subtle occupation of the territory for a brief time.
He frowned, more at himself than anything else.
It was not something he was wholly ignorant to and he…hm.
It was almost surreal to him when someone explained a history of pain that he was just unaware of. Perhaps it was the personal nature of it but before he would simply know of everything Lysithea spoke of, would have been aware of every intimate detail and that would have been the end of it.
He would have looked on in disgust at the nature of humans and that would have been the end of it, all would have been made equal at the end.
But…
…He could do nothing at that moment.
It was a different sense of helplessness.
Almost ironic in a way.
Before it was that he could see too much and now he saw almost nothing.
"You still write to your parents?"
Lysithea perked up. "I do, yes."
He nodded his head. "Good. I trust they are proud to hear of the progress that you have made with your studies."
The girl adopted something of a mixture of exasperation and irritation. "They told me they care less about my studies and more about how I'm finding my school life to be. How my classes are affecting me and whether I have found anyone to call a friend. I am not quite sure they have realised how valuable my studies are."
Goetia raised a brow. "Or they are left with the assumption that you are exceeding them because of who you are that they see the futility in asking such simple things."
She blinked and jerked. "W-well…that could hardly be it? No, even if it was then it would still be expected for them to ask, would it not?"
"Perhaps they have more care for your personal well being than they care for the results that you produce."
"...My well being is perfectly fine."
…What a galling lie.
And he was entertaining it.
"Hmmmm." Outwardly he just hummed and set the pot down again, reaching to take the handle of his cup. "Then you tell them even if they do not ask, do you not?"
"Yes." She nodded rather fiercely. "Because I believe it is still better that they know about my academics. Even if I do also tell them about the nuisances that my peers prove themselves to be on repeated occasions."
Nuisances, what an amusing word.
"They have their personalities." Goetia remarked with a sip. "As have you."
At that, Lysithea's eyes widened rather considerably. "Wha-?"
"Your ferocity and zealous approach to your studies can be seen as intimidating to those without the same drive. Especially as you compare them unfavourably to yourself. All humans make comparisons with one another, whether they are aware of it or not, and you are just as guilty of this."
She shuffled for a moment. "...They are older than me."
"Yes." Goetia nodded. "By less than a handful of years. You have your talents and they have their own. At infancy humans are all equal - they still are in my eyes - but there is no denying that some demonstrate a greater skill than others. Such factors are often beyond their control."
Lysithea frowned. "Is that an excuse for Hilda to offload her work onto someone else by batting her eyes?"
He paused at the tone, it was not something that sounded accusing.
Merely flattering or perhaps complimentary.
"...I would argue the same could be said for Dorothea." He replied. "They have understood the strength of natural beauty and have worked to enhance it so that it can be used in their favour."
Lysithea nodded her head. "Hilda always does look very immaculate."
"The…argument could be made, yes." This was a bewildering topic but at least it did not bring the same emotions as before. "You sound as though you are complimenting her."
"Because I am."
Her straightforward honesty was appreciated, but he was left no less confused as her expression twisted in confusion, the ponderous look in her eyes remained as her mind clearly ventured from their present as she continued to eat.
Upon swallowing, she drummed her fingers along the table and thinned her lips.
"I have never put much thought into such things before, but the more I see her the more I can look past her attitude and see that she has perfectly understood how to use people…or at least convince them? No, she often just walks up and then frames something as though she is struggling and then they ask to do it for her instead."
"...Is that a skill you wish to gain?"
Was he supposed to be impressed or disappointed? Goetia remained unsure.
Lysithea, fortunately, shook her head from side to side and saved him the trouble of having that question answered one way or the other.
"No, I am just amazed that she can do something like that. I just thought of something like makeup as a waste of time but seeing Hilda put so much effort into it every day is…I never realised that it required so much thought."
At that, Goetia grunted as he brought the cup to his lips.
The conversation had long since gotten away from what he had intended it to be about, but at least Lysithea was somewhat animated in regards to it. So he could hardly say it was shaping up to be a wasted effort.
"Very few are blessed with peerless bodies that remain unchanged, regardless of the amount of food they consume or the status of their illness. It is sometimes a result of divine blessings or magical work. Whatever the case might be, I can assure you that Hilda is not among those blessed with such an unchanging body. It is only expected that she would need to continue to work hard to remain in her peak physical condition."
He sipped his tea, then met the eyes of Lysithea across the table.
"...Do you have a passing interest in it?"
Lysithea blinked slowly and then shuffled in her chair, quickly breaking eye contact with him and moving her hand to her tea.
"I…I have never thought about it before but I admit that I am a little curious? But I'm not sure that I could put in all the same amount of time that Hilda does and even if I did…I fear it would be wasted on me."
Wasted?
An odd choice of words.
"Who decided that it would be wasted on you?" His question earned a sharp jerk of the head as she looked up towards him, opening her mouth.
But he left her no chance before he spoke again.
"It is your free time to spend how you will and if you wish to explore this avenue of physical appearance then it is for none other than yourself to decide how worthwhile it is. I am certain that you would find many others who would be eager to share their knowledge with you on such topics. Both Dorothea and Hilda."
He stopped, then hummed as an afterthought came to him.
Truly, he was surprised that it never occurred to him in the first place until this very moment.
"I am aware that it is common for teenage girls to engage in conversations regarding cosmetics. None would look at you strangely for becoming curious about the topic."
Lysithea blinked very slowly, then leaned forwards. "I mean I never intended to go anywhere or do anything that would require me to wear makeup."
Goetia kept his face steady.
"...I see."
Well.
"I do not see why that would dissuade you away from such things though. Surely you could be spared an evening for nothing more than the experience alone?"
With pinched brows, a rather thoughtful look fell upon her as it became clear that she truly was debating it.
"I…" The girl sighed after a few moments, rubbing her chin and then slowly nodding her head. "I suppose it could not hurt to ask Hilda a few things about her makeup but I'm worried she would find herself taken with the completely wrong impression if I were to make such a careless mistake."
She shuddered for whatever reason, as though a chill spread through the air and over her skin.
"I fear she has been making some very ludicrous and, dare I say, outrageous conclusions as of late simply because I shared more than a couple conversations with someone beyond our class."
With a huff, her arms folded over her chest and she jutted her chin forwards.
"If anything, she should be expecting me to seek out others who have some sort of worthwhile conversations to be had."
She was speaking with those beyond her class?
Ah, he supposed that he had seen her with Prince Dimitri on some occasions but it looked to be nothing more than him asking questions about the end of the battle. Then again, if it were someone like Hilda and Dorothea, he could see they would be taken with the idea of gossip more easily than most.
It was with good reason that they were closely affiliated with Von Riegan in their spare time.
"Surely they cannot assume you have developed some romantic attachment to Prince Dimitri after so few interactions."
"Exactly!" Lysithea let out a tired sigh and nodded her head, relief spreading over her face and pointing towards him. "They speak with so many people at length and yet not once do I assume that any of them are engaging in…"
She trailed off, her brows slowly furrowing and the relief shifting into confusion.
"...Dimitri? W-why do you say Dimitri?"
Goetia raised a brow "Who else would they be speaking of?" he reached across for a biscuit "You mean there are others?"
"No!" She very quickly denied him and frowned. "But…why was he the first name that sprung to mind?"
"He is the only one I have seen you speak with beyond the mixed lessons." Goetia explained rather slowly before he scoffed. "And I severely doubt that they would be making such conclusions if they caught you in conversation with Flayn."
"Flayn?" Lysithea blinked. "I would think not, we do speak with one another but it mostly relates to your lessons and little else. Though I do recall she mentioned something along the lines of a wooden carving?"
"The fish, yes."
"Ah, so that was true. I had heard but…"
Goetia was surprised it took her as long to confirm it. "I have been present in the markets of the town selling such things several times now. I would have thought it was well known in regards to my affiliation with Anna."
Raising her hands, Lysithea bobbed her head up and down. "Oh, I know about that. I was just a bit…surprised to hear that you were taking commissions…I've heard something about some sort of statue? But that seemed to be little more than gossip."
Ah, the statue of Seiros? It seemed as though there were some whispers about that but as long as they remained as such until his work was completed, then all would be well. He did not appreciate the idea of distractions.
"Hmmm. Regardless, given that we have discussed my out of hours work, what do you do when you are no longer in class?"
"...I study."
Goetia stopped moving for a brief second before he resumed, the answer was unsurprising and yet somehow rather dull to him. His eyes flickered towards Lysithea and roamed up and down as he waited for anything that could be an elaboration. As it stood, she just remained there.
Rather silently watching him in turn.
"You study."
"Yes."
"Nothing more?"
Lysithea looked rather puzzled. "Is there something wrong with that? I've seen the way the others spend their time and, quite frankly, I notice most of them do much the same. Though mostly in regards to training and the like…I believe that some of them have some hobbies but I've never found myself inclined to ask."
It was almost dismissive in the way that she spoke the latter part.
Goetia found himself at a loss as to how best to respond.
He could praise her diligence but at the same time he found himself simply staring at the young girl and measuring the extent of her life. It was difficult to say what sort of life she was leading to him.
"...And you enjoy that?"
"Enjoy?" Lysithea repeated the word as though she was tasting it, a strange look coming over her. "I'm not sure I have any thoughts on it one way or the other…is this you telling me to get a hobby?"
"I am not telling you to do anything." He quickly reassured her. "But I am speculating as to what you will do in the future when you are no longer required to study, or what you have remaining when you have studied all that you wish to."
Lysithea relaxed somewhat. "Oh, I see. My future goals are rather simple. I'm going to achieve all that I can and then settle down with my parents so that they can lead a quiet life without having to worry about anything troublesome like they did in the past. That is truly all I am aiming for."
It was.
Small.
Smaller than he expected it to be.
Was he disappointed in her simple aspirations?
…No.
He knew how strong such basic goals could be and how far they could carry an individual, he still bore the marks from one such person, and yet the more he stared at Lysithea the more he found himself staring at something else.
An image overlapping with her own.
She mentioned living a quiet life for her parents.
…What of her?
"...And for yourself?"
"I will live with them for as long as I can and see to it they do not suffer any more."
As long as she could.
An innocent phrase with disturbing connotations but it told him all that he truly needed it to.
Lysithea knew about herself because of course she did, she had to know with the deliberately vague way she was speaking about it. For as long as she could, with such a short lifespan, and then that was the extent of it.
"...I see."
No, he did not.
His eyes lowered to the table and he found himself staring at the wavering shadow he cast upon the tea.
"...You are talented."
"Thank you-"
"More so than your peers."
"That is hardly a grand achievement-"
"So then-"
He cut himself off and closed his eyes, sitting up straight and keeping his thoughts buried. It was difficult not to ask and yet he was attempting to avoid having it answered for him again because what would he say if she gave the response.
Were her aspirations so low because she had a short life to live?
He did not truly want to believe that she had thrown away so much potential in her achievements simply because she was aware she would live a short life. That did not seem like it would be the sort of thing that she would do. Her personality was strong and determined, resolute even.
There was a fierceness about her that was as though she would never truly give up on her goal for as long as she could move.
He did not doubt that if she set her mind to something greater, she could achieve it.
Goetia took in a deep breath and then looked towards her.
She looked back with a tilted head and such innocent confusion.
"...Have you not given thought to adopting a hobby as you remain in the monastery?"
Lysithea raised a brow at him and then slowly tilted her head. "I've not given it much thought and even then, what sort of hobby would there be for me? As far as I am concerned, the academy is a place of learning."
A frown crossed her face.
"Nor for ruffians to fool around and make menaces of themselves unto their peers who are trying to take matters seriously in life."
"The two are not mutually exclusive."
Lysithea blinked. "Excuse me?"
It was hard not to notice the genuine surprise in her voice from his quick response.
"I might have little patience for the antics of Von Riegan but I have said before that you all have unique talents to you. At the very least I have noticed in the short time I have been a professor for your class that he is keeping himself aware and observant of your peers. He is more shrewd than many would give him credit for."
The surprise remained upon her face and somehow grew with each word he spoke.
"But on the matter of a hobby, it is nothing more than a distraction to ease your mind. I am aware you have interests beyond working, unless your excessive consumption of confectionary is somehow related to a study that I am-"
Lysithea's face turned bright red. "It is not excessive! Don't say it like I am a glutton."
Goetia just blinked at her slowly, then glanced towards the tray of cakes he had brought before looking back to Lysithea.
"...Is that not your third cake?"
"...Fourth."
"Hmmmm."
He raised a hand. "But my point stands. You have a clear interest in sweets and the sort, surely it would not be impossible for someone of your calibre and talent for learning to come to the understanding of how to bake such things. It would at least provide you with the ability to create whatever confectionary you wished for at whatever moment you craved it, would it not?"
Lysithea shuffled. "It is hardly as though I have never thought about such a thing before."
"I did not claim that you had not."
She sighed. "I…it takes a great deal of time and I would need to split my focus between my lessons and mastering the art of baking. I am hardly one who would be pleased in leaving something to be half-done."
Goetia raised a brow. "I am sure you can divide your focus, or enlist the aid of a tutor. I believe that Mercedes has a talent for such things, as rumours go."
"Oh, you heard that one as well?" Lysithea perked up slightly before she dropped her shoulders again. "Well…I…hmmm…I suppose…"
Her resolute determination to study seemed to be rather terrible at defending itself against her addiction to sugar.
Still.
She was only a child, it was to be expected.
"...I suppose it would hardly be difficult to ask her." Lysithea spoke as though she was still somehow making up her mind on the matter, despite the fact her eyes told him that she had come to the decision almost as soon as he had proposed it in the first place.
"Be sure to make an approach to Hilda on the topic of make up as well."
"Yes, I-" Lysithea stopped and stared at him. "You are trying to get me a hobby, aren't you?"
She sounded almost accusing.
Goetia shrugged. "I am making suggestions that I believe would benefit your mental wellbeing in the long run. You cannot argue it is somehow able to distract your focus, given that I am able to maintain several ongoing projects at once without concern."
He paused.
"Not that I expect you to be capable of managing Abyss, working as a Professor and part-time as a merchant at once."
Lysithea flattened her face. "I believe I am aware of my limits."
"Good."
This was a very productive conversation he was having with her.
And yet…
He moved to sip his tea again and then stopped, lowering it back down to the plate. "...Your aspirations are simple."
Lysithea jerked upwards and stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"You wish to live a simple life." He stared her right in the eye.
Truly, it was a conversation that seemed to have been going well, there was truly no logical need for him to pry further into this. When she left the school and moved on she would no longer be his student.
He did not need to inquire further about her life.
But…he could not help but ask.
No, it was impossible for him not to ask.
"Why are you…content with that?"
Lysithea rolled her jaw. "I'm…not sure what you mean?"
"You could achieve many things if you put your mind to them, if you were to put all your talents to them. Your potential is greater than many others could ever dare to imagine and yet you…wish to live a quiet life with your parents as company? I am certain you are aware of the vast nature of your abilities."
His hand pressed itself flat against the table and it was difficult to keep his voice measured and even.
He wanted no ounce of emotion to bleed into this.
He did not want to show just how confused it was making him at this moment.
"Why that sort of life?"
Lysithea's expression was blank, her hands resting on her lap as she looked right back towards him.
"...Are you disappointed?"
It was an honest question.
It was neither accusing nor mocking.
There was no sadness in her tone nor was there excitement.
They were just words.
And he found he could not answer them because he did not know.
"It is your life."
He said after some moments of silence.
But they both knew that was not an answer to her question.
"You should not feel compelled to live it based on whatever expectations I hold."
Lysithea watched him silently.
Then she nodded her head.
"You are right. It is my life. I do respect you, Teacher, but this was always what my plan was going to be. Whether you are disappointed or not, whether it angers you or not, that was always going to be how I lived my life. How I am going to live my life."
She said it with such certainty.
Such confidence.
As he expected.
"I would only be disappointed if you forced yourself into a life that made you miserable."
Lysithea's lip twitched upwards for a brief moment before it evened out, the tension on her face vanished all the same. "I believe I am forcing myself at this very moment, if I can be honest with you."
Goetia thinned his lips and exhaled. "...I see."
"I can hardly say it is because I am young but I sit here and watch so many people suffer for matters beyond their control, I've been raised up by nothing more than some twisted symbol carved into my blood and have so much of my work praised purely on account of my crest."
She raised her head and looked up.
"I suppose it has always been a notion of mine, a little question of thought…What is it like to be a normal person? To live your life without worrying about such things as political intrigue, to have your work praised because it is your work and not for some crest. I've thought about it so often and-"
She might have kept speaking, but he heard very little of it.
He just kept staring at her.
How foolish he was.
How utterly stupid he was to not see it.
Once again it was right in front of him and he just never noticed.
She was never Mash.
She held some similarities, but she was never Mash.
"If that is the life you wish to earnestly live, then that is all you need to say about it."
He might have interrupted her, but he wished to speak quickly and put this conversation to rest.
So many things had been brought up that he had never wished to think of again and yet, here they were.
Perhaps that was simply how life operated.
"Though I would say we have kept one another here for quite a bit more time than I anticipated, but it was a worthwhile endeavour."
He nodded his head, more to himself than to her, and took the final sip of his tea.
"Perhaps we should find the time to do this at another point?"
Lysithea blinked before nodding her head and smiling. "I believe I would like that, Te…Goetia."
They stared at one another.
"...It is strange to have you say my name."
Lysithea rapidly nodded her head, her own lips twisting as though she had something stuck between her teeth. "It is strange to say it as well."
"...Perhaps remaining as things are?"
"Perhaps that is for the best, Teacher."
"Quite."
He nodded his head away. "You may now seek out Hilda or Mercedes."
Lysithea stopped halfway out of getting up from her seat and raised her brows at him before she straightened out. "You seem strangely forceful with these measures, if you do not mind me saying."
"...Your antagonism with your peers concerns me and I would find it preferable if you were on amicable terms with at least some of them by the time your studies at the academy come to an end."
Lysithea held a face without emotion before her eye twitched ever so slightly. "...I see."
The forced calm was back.
"Good afternoon, Teacher."
She turned almost like a golem and marched away with wooden movements.
Goetia was left blinking in her absence before casting a glance towards Flauros and finding himself somewhat puzzled by that interaction.
He did not believe he said anything that would warrant such behaviour.
Still.
All in all, he would call this a success.
Now for Marianne.
She appreciated it when it was quiet.
She was sure that Dorte was much the same, smiling softly to herself as she brushed over the fur of the horse and around the mane as well. Rubbing her hand up and down the face in a calming motion as she continued her work.
It was always an action that brought her back from whatever she was doing and down to Fodlan once again.
At least at this she was useful, and she knew it made Dorte happy.
"Sorry I wasn't able to come around yesterday."
Dorte snorted and pushed against her palm, she stopped moving for a moment and raised her own eyes to meet his. Smiling a little as she shook her head from side to side and resumed brushing him.
"You don't need to make excuses for me, it was my fault that I was caught up with something else at the time but…I'll do better-"
Marianne jerked slightly when Dorte moved his head and nudged it against her shoulder, she glanced at him for a moment and then lowered her own eyes back down and continued on with brushing him, all while whispering between the two of them.
"You say that but I know you prefer it when I'm the one who brushes down you and your friends…N-not that the others are bad, mind you."
She did not want to give the impression that she was trying to badmouth the other stable hands. Especially in front of Dorte because that would have been the last thing she wanted to leave him with the impression of. Especially if some of the others happened to overhear that. Those stablehands had been doing this for longer than her and she was well aware it was not just the horses they cared for.
Marianne did this with her own time, she could spend as much as she wanted on this work.
It was unfair to compare the two of them.
Another snort brought her out of her musings and back to the present.
"Ah, sorry. I was…somewhere else."
Dortea just continued to stare down at her with the silent signal for her to finish brushing him.
She smiled all the same.
He could be quite demanding when he put his mind to it, but that was always just how Dorte was between them.
Certainly not as bad as he really could have been and they both remembered how it was during that time he was splashed over with mud.
He had really hated it then.
Her brushing stopped and she frowned as saw a tangle in the mane, briefly frowning to herself and then reaching up and rubbing at the snout of the horse once again. Rubbing up and down and looking him in the eyes. "I'm going to give it a tug and it's going to be a little uncomfortable, but you'll be fine, Dorte. I'll make it as quick as possible, alright?"
Dorte snorted and closed his eyes.
She pulled and felt herself shuddering at the sensation and pulling through the tangle, it split apart easily enough but she felt the way Dorte jerked under her hold. Quickly pulling the comb away and looking back towards him, whispering softly as she leaned forwards and rested her forehead against his cheek.
"I'm sorry."
Pulling her head back, she glanced up as she felt Dorte move and then twist his head away and look somewhere else.
Marianne moved to follow after him, knowing it was probably one of the stable-
She froze as she saw someone who was most definitely not a stable hand.
Professor Goetia stood a rather impossibly close distance between the two of them and she quickly found herself breaking eye contact with him, something which had been an accident in the first place, but she did not want to appear as though she was trying to be rude to him either.
A more appealing target caught her eye, the little finch that sat upon his shoulder was the easier of the two to gaze upon.
"Professor." She greeted quietly with a slight nod of the head. "Is there something that you need?"
Goetia remained silent as he approached, his eyes wandering away from her own and instead moving towards Dorte himself, slowly the professor drew closer and closer and Marianne found her heart speeding up from the silence which was starting to become more oppressive.
The finch dropped off his shoulder and launched itself towards her, but having experienced the approach of birds before, she brought up her forearm quickly to provide a perch for the little thing and - sure enough - he settled onto the raised limb before quickly clambering up until he settled down onto her shoulder, tilting his head curiously.
She met the eyes of the bird and offered a gentle smile.
"Sorry." Marianne whispered. "I don't have seed on me at the moment."
"Flauros has eaten already."
A flinch shot through her body at the proximity of his words, quickly turning her head towards the general direction of the Professor and lowering her eyes down. Though it was not long before she realised he was not actually looking towards her. Rather his attention was one someone else entirely.
Standing before Dorte, the two of them faced one another without even blinking.
Goetia slowly raised his left hand, reaching towards Dorte very slowly and ensuring the horse could actually see where his hand was at all times. Pausing only briefly when Dorte turned to sniff at the approaching limb. Another snort rumbled from Dorte which Marianne interpreted as being permissive.
With a hum, Goetia moved the hand forwards and rested it on the side of Dorte's neck, not moving it. Merely keeping it there.
"The horses are all well cared for. Dorte, as I recall."
Marianne silently nodded her head up and down, though she was more wondering where this conversation was going.
"You have a preference for stable work then, I assume?"
Once more, she quietly nodded her head.
Professor Goetia only hummed and brought his hand back down, moving it away from Dorte.
"I see. In that case, I shall be sure to assign you to such tasks with greater frequency than the other students."
At that, she blinked and twitched upwards ever so slightly, not quite meeting his eyes by still looking towards his face.
"You…" She wet her lips and shuffled, feeling a bit more confident as the finch - Flauros? - moved in closer and brushed against her cheek. "You don't need to go that far…"
"It is as much for the benefit of the students you will be assigned the tasks with as well. You demonstrate more skill than most at the handling of animals, they will need your expertise in the future if they are to care for their mounts with any degree of competence."
He stepped away and turned towards her.
But Marianne's mind was racing with the implications of what he had said.
Her?
Teach people?
Her jaw clenched and she kept her hands by her side, slowly curling her fingers into her uniform and tightening them about until she was scrunching it up. Though it was hardly as though she could do anything and the more time she spent thinking about it, the more anxious she grew with each passing second.
"I…I see." Her words slipped out as nothing more than a whisper, but she could hear how nervous it made her.
If she messed up then it wouldn't just be her - if it was just her then it would be fine - but the idea of something happening to some of the horses because she was too nervous was such a sickening thought. Yet she was being told that was going to happen, so there was nothing she could do about it.
She just needed to do her work as though she was the only person there but…
…That would be rude to whoever she was assigned with and…oh dear…
Why did it have to be-
"...Does it make you anxious?"
Marianne stilled and dared not raise her eyes.
But apparently she did not need to do anything as Professor Goetia somehow saw through her, it might have been phrased as a question but it certainly was not one. He spoke with such certainty.
"...That is not my intention." His words sounded strained, almost confused? No, that was just her imagination. She was just making him feel put off with her reaction, that was to be expected though. It was her fault for making such a commotion out to such a simple task as this.
"Perhaps…hmmm…"
She heard an intake of breath.
"...How familiar are you with the care of finches?"
Finches?
Her eyes wandered towards Flauros and met the stare of the little bird, he was so terribly cute when he looked at her like that. She could feel his excitement even now as she tilted his head back and forth, looking around and taking note of everything that surrounded him. Then again, she could tell he was very young.
Ah, his question.
"...I know a little about birds."
It wasn't anything close to her knowledge on horses but she knew a bit about it, she did feed the birds around the monastery as well.
"Hmph, that is sufficient enough."
Professor Goetia stepped towards her. "...Consider this an exercise then? An unofficial one. Treat me as though I understand nothing about the care of Flauros. How would I go about ensuring he grows healthy and happy?"
…What?
It was an odd question and given that Flauros was so young it was clear that Professor Goetia had been raising them but…
She wet her lips and rolled her jaw.
It was a request from the Professor of their class and it was hardly as though she could refuse and if it was something as simple as this then…she could probably do that.
Small birds.
What did she know of small birds?
Hmmm.
With that in mind, she started speaking about whatever information came up for her.
Though it likely wasn't a lot.
Professor Goetia probably knew what he was doing so at least it wasn't as though he was relying on her knowledge.