384Once more, the cupboard under the stairs was occupied by a scrawny, dark-haired youth with odd eyes and a strange scar. Unlike most versions of this tail, said occupant could not have been more thrilled at these circumstances, as was absolutely certain that this was all part of her dramatic backstory. After all, a tragic orphan being mistreated by their relatives was a classic sign that one was destined not just for greatness, but to be the chosen one of some dark and bloody tale of magic and intrigue.
Just as the cupboards inhabitant was dreaming of the day when the mysterious and deadly peril that had killed her parents (or perhaps the same secret organization that had orchestrated their car crash) would return and slaughter her adoptive family as revenge for how cruelly they had mistreated her, there came a knock at the door of the cupboard.
"M-megumin? I-I brought you some leftovers from dinner. Y-you can come out now."
Well, most of her relatives. The future famed star of legend's cousin had a depressing habit of trying to be nice to her.
Sliding open the door of the cupboard, Megumin Potter glared out at the timid girl crouched in front of her. "Yunyun, if you insist upon treating me kindly, how am I ever supposed to awaken my great and wondrous cosmic powers that I might wreak a terrible vengeance upon those who have wronged me?"
Yunyun Dursley's expression fell, and she looked down, lowering the plate of offered food. "I-I'm sorry, Megumin, I just thought, you didn't get any supper and you look so thin…"
Despite herself, Megumin found her mouth drooling slightly as she eyed the plate of roast chicken and mashed potatoes. Yunyun had even added a salad from her garden, as while Petunia and Vernon might not believe in eating their greens, Yunyun was far more health conscious.
"Is there desert?" Megumin demanded, grabbing the plate and poking her head out to look around.
Yunyun nodded. "Um, it's up in my room. Y-you can have some if you promise to come stay there with me tonight. Y-you can even have the bed, I don't mind sleeping on the floor…"
"Never! While your temptations of chocolate fudge cake may lure me from my domain of solitude, I shall never succumb to your attempts to usurp my status as the abused child who will one day become the greatest legend to ever walk the Earth!"
With the allure of sweet desserts, Megumin snuck up to Yunyun's bedroom, where she quickly scoffed down all her food despite the intention of remaining thin and malnourished, as befitted a maligned outcast who would one day become the greatest of them all.
Just as she was finishing her meal, a knock came at the door.
"Yunyun, you haven't invited that horrid cousin of yours to sleep with you again, have you?" Petunia Dursley's voice called through the door.
"No mum!" Yunyun said quickly. "She's still in her cupboard, you can hear her muttering to herself."
Megumin glared at Yunyun and hissed, "I do not mutter to myself!"
"What was that?" Petunia asked.
"Um, I said, I-I'm trying not to stutter myself," Yunyun improvised.
"Well, don't worry about it Yunikins. I'm sure the speech therapy will help. Can mummy bring you anything? There was extra chocolate cake."
Megumin wiped said extra chocolate cake from her mouth with her sleeve, making Yunyun wince at the poor manners.
"Um, n-no, mum, I-I already have it, um, I'm eating it in my room." Grabbing a piece of cake off of Megumin's plate, Yunyun spoke around the mouthful of food. "It's really good, mum, thanks!"
"Oh, I just know you'll get to a healthy weight soon! At least you're not as skinny as that mad ragamuffin. I'll just go check on the miscreant now."
Footsteps echoed away, and Megumin stood with a sigh. "She'll know I'm not in there and make me leave, you know."
"W-well, I, um, I maybe put that tape recorder dad got for me in there, with a few hours of you boasting and bragging on it. They won't know the difference," Yunyun admitted.
"Ha! That is just the sort of devious plan that my wicked and evil cousin would come up with! I just know that you will make a fitting rival, and one day we shall have a climactic final showdown! Good versus evil, as you are manipulated as the tragic pawn of the shadowy force that killed my parents! I shall slay you, but as I hold you in my arms as your life's blood pumps from your chest, we shall reconcile, and I shall go on with renewed vigor to avenge you and defeat the evil that plagues the land!"
"C-couldn't we defeat the evil together? As friends?" Yunyun offered.
With a huff, Megumin turned away. "That's impossible. A hero requires a suitable rival if they are to write their legend in blood and flame across the heavens."
"M-maybe someone else could be your rival, and I could be your loyal friend?" Yunyun offered.
"Hmm. Perhaps. You have a depressing level of normalcy about you. My rival should be someone suitably interesting. Perhaps an evil aristocrat, or a racist blood purist who wishes to purge those with crimson eyes from the gene pool forever!"
"B-but I have red eyes too!" Yunyun reached out, clutching Megumin's greasy and grubby hands. "I-I won't let them k-kill you, M-megumin! You're my best friend!"
"I'm not your friend, I'm your cousin. You don't have any friends," Megumin snapped.
Tears filled Yunyun's eyes, and she turned away, rolling over on her bed. "J-just because the other kids are afraid of my red eyes, d-doesn't mean I don't have any friends…"
Despite her theatrics, seeing Yunyun sniffle to herself did move Megumin, and she slipped into bed beside her cousin, giving her a quick hug. "Oh, I guess I am your friend, or at least your rival. I don't have any friends either, so perhaps this is merely a sign that we both have a tragic backstory and will be whisked away together to an enchanted land where we shall face off against the evil that killed my parents."
"But your parents died in a car crash. You're nearly eleven, Megumin. You can't keep pretending that it was some fantasy event instead of an accident," Yunyun said, turning around to meet her cousin's eyes.
"Hmph. I shall hold out hope forever! Do you not recall the snake that spoke to me at the zoo?"
"You were just making funny hissing noises at it. I couldn't understand it at all," Yunyun protested.
"That is because you are a mere mortal, while I am secretly a…" Megumin considered an appropriate name for her new ability. "What is latin for snake?"
"Um, serpens?"
"Serpen-speaker!" I shall gather an army of snakes, to defeat my foes!"
"Aren't snakes usually associated with bad guys?"
Megumin considered this. "Well, then perhaps I am actually a nascent devil queen, who shall one day use my serpentine forces to subjugate the entire world, while you heroically oppose me!"
"Even if you were evil, I'd still be your friend," Yunyun said stubbornly.
"Hmph. You are a terrible rival."
As the two girls drifted off to sleep, an owl flew to the front door, where it carefully slotted two letters into the drop box. With a hoot, it flapped off, and the Dark Legend of Potter: Crimson Demons Awaken had begun.
Wait, who wrote that title? That's awful. I'm changing it to something- wait, wait, no! Don't!
EXPLOSION!
Author's Note:
Wanted: new narrator. Must be willing and able to read overly chuuni titles with a straight face.