t/w: Sexual Innuendo


"Let's get busy!" Katara said, wiggling her eyebrows at the audience. "Round 2 Questions are all about the bedroom." The audience chittered and murmured with handfuls of catcalls. "Contestant 2: Describe yourself as a lover."

Contestant 2 had to wait for the crowd's various shrieking and wails died down before he could answer. He had a strong fan base. "I am fiery, and I like to take the lead" (more shrieks and wails) "I don't typically plan things out, so I can't guarantee rose petals on the bed or anything like that. But I will grab you when the time is right and sweet you off your feet." It was a very good answer, and Katara smiled widely, scribbling in her notebook.

"Wow. I really like the sound of that!"

Contestant 3 seemed determined to up the ante. "I already told you I'm flexible. I want you to imagine that when I tell you that my favorite thing is scissoring a beautiful woman from Every. Single. Angle. When it comes to sex, I never rush."

Katara blew out a hard breath, blushing deeply. "That...is... really hot, 3." She said, slightly breathless. The crowd was whooping.

True to form, Contestant 4 was ready with a provocative answer, "I prefer to keep my feet on the ground. That's why I'd strap up a big one and take you from behind and rail you until you begged me to stop. You picked a safety word, right?"

"Holy Hei Bai. Okay. Wow. Contestant 5?"

Contestant 5 was quiet for a moment...the crowd was on the edge of their seats waiting for his answer. He sighed with embarrassment before answering, "Honestly, I don't have a lot of experience...I don't give my heart away lightly, and I don't give "it" up casually..." there were chitters of laughter. "But..." he hesitated "Spirits, I'm going to get in so much trouble... Oh well. I really love giving oral."

Katara actually covered her ears, the audience was so loud. A man in the front seemed to respond so violently that his mouth foamed, and he fainted. Contestant 5 must be the type of person you wouldn't ask about their sex life...political?

"And Contestant 6?"

"I would prefer not to answer." 6 demurred.

"Katara, will you now read the answer you provided earlier?" The Boulder asked, handing her the card she wrote Question 1 on: "I don't get many opportunities to be a lover. I tend to get wrapped up in my work, but not because I don't crave intimacy. I like being generous and I get an immense amount of satisfaction when I know I'm making you feel good. I'm adventurous and curious and willing to try pretty much anything at least once." Katara's forthright answer earned her a good amount of crowd praise.

"Question 2: Tell me about your worst sexual experience!" Her request was met with nearly every contestant's groan, and at least one sharp facepalm.

Contestant 2 performed his characteristic throat clearing. "I'm pretty sure mine is standard for a young man—I was making out with my girlfriend at the time and when I realized where things were heading I...didn't make it." It was a simple conclusion, but his deadpan tone made Katara chuckle.

"Pretty standard." She agreed.

"Mine was the one and only time I was with a guy. The missionary was just so boring I actually dozed off." Contestant 3 complained.

Contestant 4 laughed softly. "Okay...it all started when a Water Bender, an Earth Bender, and a Bear walked into the bar..." Contestant 4's story went on for minutes and contained so many lurid, unprovoked details that Katara experienced the entire spectrum of emotion from surprise to embarrassment, to downright terror. She was sure the entire answer would be edited out of the program to save the world's sanity. "...and that's the story of how I was rescued from a volcano by the Avatar wearing nothing but a Fire Nation flag!"

It was a long time before the applause died down enough for Contestant 5 to answer. "...It was a friend of mine's... sister. He walked in on us and did not take it well. There were a lot of fireballs..."

"Because what's wrong with you?! My sister?! Seriously!" Contestant 2 burst out.


"Pretty much." Contestant 4 responded, disaffected.

"This is crazy... okay Contestant 6. Go ahead."

"I'm a virgin." Contestant 6 replied.

"Katara, will you now read the answer you provided earlier?" The Boulder asked, handing her the card she wrote Question 2 on: "My first girlfriend and I went to one of the hot springs in the South Pole caverns and we didn't realize until...after...that a sea lion turtle had stolen our clothes. It was a very long, very cold walk of shame back to the village."

"For Round 2's final question, I'd like to use my wild card." Katara appealed to The Boulder.

"Katara is using her wild card!" The Boulder announced to the audience. "This means she gets to ask any question she wants for each contestant. It also means that THEY get to ask her any question in return."

"Contestant 2: You've mentioned passion on a lot of your answers. What is the source of your passion and how do you keep it alive?"

Number 2 chuckle a little, possibly even smiling. "I believe that was two questions, but I'll answer anyways. I care about being an honorable person. Not for anyone's approval. Each of us needs to look in the mirror alone every day. If you don't like the person looking back at you, then what is it all for? I'm passionate about what I believe in because fighting for it is what makes me worthy to look in the mirror and not feel shame."

"Wow. That's really wise" Katara remarked.

"If you like combat bending more than healing, why did you become a doctor?" Contestant 2 asked.

Katara's stomach lurched. She battled on whether she should be honest or deflect with some type of joke. Inspired by 2's candid answer however, she decided on the former.

"I'm a bloodbender" she admitted to a collective gasp in the audience. "I-I'm not proud of it and I'll never use my abilities to control people. But the urge is always there, you know? It's like being a sober alcoholic—I may not be drinking, but the desire is there. I was afraid that being in fighting scenarios would be too much of a temptation." Her ears were pounding with her heartbeat as she hung her head in shame. "As a healer, bloodbending has actually been a gift. Bloodbenders can cauterize wounds with complete sterility."

"It sounds like you've definitely earned the right to look yourself in the mirror" Contestant 2 said genuinely.

"Contestant 3: You said earlier that you have a tendency to be non-committal. What does that mean in general for your future love life?"

"That's a good question" Contestant 3 rewarded, "I think it means like...there are a lot of things I do that seem like the perfect, right decision in that moment and so I dive right in. But then it turns out to be a really bad choice and I end up ending it when I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by just stopping and thinking you know?"

"Fair enough. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself though." Katara reasoned.

Contestant 3 countered, "Do you get wrapped in your work because it brings you joy or because it helps you escape?" It was a startlingly profound question from the contestant who had bragged enthusiastically about circus scissoring.

"...Can it be both?" Katara asked. "I love my job and what I do. But I would be lying if I said I didn't put in extra hours when I'm having a bad time. Helping others naturally distracts a person from their own problems. I'm not saying I condone that. I'm not perfect."

She thought about Contestant 5's 'But'. "I guess I tend to avoid confrontation, too."

Katara decided to go simple with Contestant 4 "what's your favorite color?" which provoked laughter from all the contestants to Katara's confusion.

"I'm blind, bro. My turn: favorite band? I'm guessing it's not Freedom Fighters." Katara laughed apologetically. "No... it's Bison Parade, actually. I love Ska."

"I LOVE Bison Parade!" Contestant 5 blurted again. "Well, there goes the question I was going to ask you!" she said jokingly, throwing up her hands.

"Do you like Ba Sing Somethings?"

"I just saw them in concert!"

"Wait, was it the one in Yu Dao? I was just there!"

"No way!"

"The Boulder hates to interrupt, but that was more than one question and answer. Please continue to Contestant 6."

"Right, sorry. Uhm, 6. It sounds like you work as much as I do. How would we make the time?"

"I think our time would be fleeting, because that's the type of people we are and the type of people we need." He said matter-of-factly. "It would be good that I understand when you say you need to work late and vice versa. Having someone who understands the demands of our work instead of demanding your time prevents resentment, no?"

"Okay. Yeah." Katara said, unenthused.

Contestant 6 asked, "Are you right or left-handed?"

Katara blinked plainly. "Right."

"Katara, it is now time to send another dashing celebrity to the friendzone. Whose date are you going to pass on?" The Boulder asked. The crowd roared all manner of suggestions, the game was starting to draw more investment.

Katara smiled and performed a dramatic sigh. "You're clearly an amazing, one-of-a-kind person. But you're just too much woman for me, Contestant 4." Many of the audience members seemed genuinely upset at her elimination. There were some boos.

Katara's jaw dropped when Contestant 4 appeared beyond the partition. She recognized her.

"Contestant 4 is Toph Beifong, Undefeated Pro-Bending Champion!" The petite woman approached Katara with features settled deeply into a smug expression. Her cropped black pixie hair hung over her eyes as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket. "Wow! Toph Beifong! You're a straight badass!" Katara exclaimed, fan-girling. Toph laughed and punched her in the arm. It was very painful.

"I like you Sugar Queen. We're gonna be friends. You'll join us at the After Party." Toph stated, more telling her than asking her.