10Even the best of bladers have issues in the bathroom…
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Kai grumbled under his breath. He couldn't believe his luck. Out of all the places he could've gotten stuck in it had to be a toilet. A public toilet. How embarrassing. And that was not the worst of it. The toilet would not flush. He had spent several minutes pressing the flush button but the stubborn loo refused to obey. "This sucks!" Kai muttered, kicking the toilet with his right foot. Bad idea. "OUCH!" he yelled. "Stupid toilet!"
He sighed loudly and sat down on the floor. What on earth was he going to do? He certainly would not call his lovely friends for help. They'd be too busy laughing at him. "Why won't you flush?" he whined, daring himself to look into the bowl. A shudder of fear ran down his spine as he looked at the disgusting crap. "Ew..." he shuddered again. "That shit is nasty."
He suddenly cackled to himself like he had heard a very amusing joke. "Shit – ha ha ha," he laughed to himself, not caring if anyone heard him. Suddenly, he heard footsteps. By the sounds they were making, Kai could tell they were a couple deep in love. It disgusted him. Why would a couple making out in a toilet? A public toilet? He wasn't sure what was worse; his crap or the dirty couple making out in the loo? Kai leaned towards the latter.
"Oh baby... undress me now and blow me," the man cried.
"Yes honey," his girlfriend replied. Kai could hear a zip being undone. He cringed. They weren't doing what he thought they were doing right? He certainly hoped not.
"Oh yeah... keep on sucking honey that feels so good..." the man replied like he was in ecstasy.
Kai shuddered. This was worse than that porn movie Tala bought the other day. Several more minutes of groaning and moaning were heard when the couple decided to stop. Kai could hear a zipping of pants and he sighed with relief. "God that was disturbing," he mumbled. "Now what to do about this crap?" He sighed again and scratched his head. He 'hmmmed' loudly. "Taking a shit outside would've been smarter..." He was about to say more when another person walked in.
"Okay, time to choose a toilet cubicle to take a piss in," the male said. "Hmm, that one looks fine." The male whistled happily under his breath, unzipped his pants and peed. Kai could hear the urine and he shuddered with fear. Poor toilets, he thought. You have miserable lives. "Oh yeah... that feels good..." Oh god, not another jackass, Kai thought. The man flushed the toilet, zipped his pants and washed his hands. "Okay ladies, the Italian Stallion is coming back out!" Kai could hear a couple of girls squeal with delight. He brought a hand to his forehead. Enrique.
Once Enrique had walked out, Kai returned back to his toilet dilemma. "This is awful. The toilet door won't open, the flush button is being stubborn and it smells in here." He knew having a can of beans was a bad idea. Never trust Bryan, he noted mentally.
"Hello? Anyone in there?" A voice asked.
"Are you talking to me?" Kai replied.
"I need to take a crap," the voice replied.
"Ew."
"It's a natural part of life." The man replied sounding defensive. "Birds digestive traits..."
What the fuck? Kai didn't want to hear about some loser prattle on about birds and crap. Who was this fool anyway? "Get out of here!"
The man grumbled under his breath and stomped outside. "Brooklyn, I thought you needed to poop?" a girl with a high-pitched voice asked.
"Gotta find another loo; this one is occupied."
Kai stifled a giggle. Brooklyn was that loser? Sounded about write. Being locked in the toilets was proving to be quite interesting and entertaining even. He wandered what other weirdos would come through. "Time to pull out the meat!" a very familiar voice said. Kai felt his body tense. Meat? What meat? He didn't want to know. "Fuck that's good," the voice said sounding almost orgasmic. "Fuck yeah."
Kai's eyes widened. The voice sounded like it belonged to... Bryan. What the fuck was Bryan doing in here? Was he really spending his time in the toilet playing with his little friend? Apparently so. Bryan made a few more disturbing noises and Kai decided he couldn't take it anymore. "BRYAN!" he screamed.
Bryan jumped, screamed and zipped up his pants and screamed again. "AAAAHHHH! I zipped my dick in my pants! And the toilet speaks!" Bryan panicked again.
"Shut up Bryan!"
Bryan froze recognizing the voice. "Kai?"
"It's me and I need your help." Kai didn't want to spend anymore time in the toilets. The place was beginning to scare him. "I have serious issues."
"Like what?"
"The toilet door is stuck and flush button won't work," explained Kai as calmly as he could.
Bryan nodded matter-of-factly understanding his dire situation. He had been in this situation many times before. "You clogged the loo right?"
"WHAT?"
"You did a crap so big it won't go down."
"I did not!" Kai protested. He glanced down at the bowl again examining his crap. It wasn't that big. It was certainly odd-shaped though. No wonder it wouldn't go down. "Kinda looks like a radish..." he mumbled. "That's pretty impressive."
"Kai you need to work with me here. In order to flush the loo, you need to break down your crap so it goes down," explained Bryan. "Usually, you'd just use a plunger... but since you don't have one, you're gonna have to use other methods."
Kai shuddered. He hoped these other methods didn't involve using his hands. That would be beyond gross. "I need a doctor!" he whined. This was becoming too much for him to bear.
"Well just keep flushing or find something that can break down your shit. I'll go find a stick or something," he said, exiting the toilet.
"Hurry up Bryan, it's beginning to smell," Kai said, sounding fearful.
Outside, Bryan searched for a stick. He found one, picked it up, headed back inside and gave it to Kai. He then pulled out his phone and dialled Tala's number. "Yo Tala," Bryan greeted, trying to sound gangsta. "You have got to hear this."
"BRYAN!"
"Kai clogged the toilet."
"Shut up Bryan!"
"He pooped... must've been pretty big too," said Bryan, snickering into the phone.
Kai grumbled. Why was a he friend of this guy again? "Stop teasing me and open this door!" he yelled, poking his crap with the stick trying to break it down like Bryan suggested. He hoped this worked.
"Kai's yelling at me, gonna hang up. Bye." Bryan placed his phone back into his pocket. "Tala sends his best wishes and congratulations to you Kai," he said, laughing. Kai growled. Bryan laughed again. "Sorry Kai, but it's just too funny. The mighty Hiwatari defeated by a toilet." Bryan snickered again. Toilet 1, Kai 0. "How's it going Kai? Did you break down your fucking shit?"
Kai glared even though Bryan couldn't see him glaring. It seemed like the perfect natural thing to do. "It's harder than I thought," Kai replied truthfully. "But I'm making ground. Now can you break down the door or something?"
"Do you think I'm a bulldozer or something? Just climb the door. Hop onto the toilet and pull yourself over the wall," Bryan replied.
Kai grumbled under his breath and poked his crap a little more. He broke it down into little pieces so it was now flushable. Kai pressed the flush button and let out a small cheer as the crap went down. "Woo hoo!" he whooped, pleasantly surprised and happy at this small victory. Kai 1, Toilet 1. "Take that loo!"
Bryan raised his eyebrows. It was official. Kai was insane. "Okay Kai, climb onto the toilet and pull yourself over the wall. Or you could squeeze under..." Bryan said, looking at the gap underneath the door. He didn't think Kai could fit though but it would be funny to see him get stuck.
Kai wasn't stupid. At least not that stupid. He wasn't going to attempt to crawl under the door. Instead, he hopped on top of the toilet lid and jumped up at the wall. Using all his strength he hoisted himself up over the wall and fell down on the outside. With a loud THUD he hit the floor. "Ouch," he muttered, rubbing his head.
"You made it over Kai, well done," said Bryan, clapping his hands.
Kai glared and picked himself up from the ground. "Let's get out of here alright?" He shuddered and washed his hands. Bryan nodded and followed Kai out the door. He couldn't wait to tell Tala the events of the day.