I Wasn't Ready
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! in any way or fashion.
Summary: "I was ready for it." He tells her in an honest, soft tone. Haru looks at Hayato, tears brimming around her eyes. She grasps his hand tightly, clinging to him like it was the last time she'd see him again. "I wasn't ready for it." She cries. "I wasn't ready."
(A/N: Sorry I've been MIA for a while. Earlier this year, my entire household, besides myself, had COVID-19. So I became the primary caregiver and provider for my parents, siblings, and dog. It was harder than I thought and it really took a toll on my mental health. I was worried, wondering if they'll ever get better, if I'd lose someone, what I'd do if something unexpected happened. I took time off of work for a while and it was just really taxing. Thankfully, they're all 100% better. But it took me a while to recover from taking care of everyone. Mainly, I needed to relax, lol.
Shout out to all the caregivers out there because it's not easy. Neither was running around. Sighs... But I'm back now! I wrote this piece to kind of...get my feelings out? And to get back in the game of things.)
The first thing he hears when he comes first is the sound of beeping from a heart monitor. It's strikingly loud and he's already annoyed by the time he fully comes into consciousness. Once he does, he looks around and notes that he's in the hospital. 'Damn.' He thinks. 'They must have really done a number on me.' He doesn't feel any pain right now, indicating to him that he must be on some really heavy meds. But at least his brain is functioning properly.
"A-Ah… Hm." He opens his mouth to talk and feels that his throat is very dry. 'Thirsty.' He thinks to himself, working up the energy to talk. Suddenly, the door to his room opens and he can see a welcoming figure enter. A small, petite woman who he knows has a really big personality. She's dressed in comfy clothes, some loose pants and his maroon crewneck. Just the sight of her backside tones down his earlier annoyance and Hayato feels greatly relieved.
Haru is talking on the phone, her words slow and precise. "Mm hm, of course. I'll let you know." She nods. "Yes Tsuna-san. And…" A deep breath. "Thank you." Hanging up, she turns around and is surprised to see Hayato with his eyes open. "Oh my God." Is all she can say.
The Storm Guardian manages a small but strained smile. "H-Hey." He actually manages to say clearly. Haru blinks at him, staring at him with some kind of form of disbelief. 'That's not good.'
A silent Haru never is.
Not much time passes before she snaps out of her gaze. "Oh my… Water, you're probably really thirsty. Here, I'll go get you some." She's already out the door. Hayato furrows his brows and frowns. Managing to get a good look at her before she left, he could see the really dark bags under her eyes. Her short, black hair was messy (and looked a little oily), the hallow of her cheeks emphasizing exactly how tired she really was. She also seemed really soft and frail, almost like she could shatter at any moment.
She must have been waiting for him for a really long time.
'How long was I out?!' Fiercely, he scolds himself for worrying her so. But then he remembers his mission, bits and pieces coming together slowly.
There were gun shots, flame battles, and a really powerful mafia man. A man who was after Tsuna and almost got him until he…
"Here." A white cup is presented before him. "I'll help you, ready?" Asks Haru, her voice soft. Groaning a bit for an answer, Haru carefully pours the water between his lips. He relishes the cool liquid and his throat is already feeling better.
"Th-Thanks." He says with sincerity. Haru only nods her head before placing the cup on the table nearby. Then she grabs a chair and scoots forward until she's right next to his bedside. Her hands are placed neatly in her lap and it's quiet between them. Only the steady sound from his heart monitor fills in the gap of silence. Strangely enough, Haru seems to relax the more time passes.
"A-Ah, I'm glad you're awake." She begins, her greeting late. "You were out for a really long time."
Hayato's almost scared to ask but he has too. "How long?"
"A-Ah… Umm…" The hands in her lap begin to shake and Haru fights the tears that are threatening to come out. She has to take several deep breaths to calm down, only for her attempt to end in failure. All at once, it's like she falls apart. "…hic… Hic…" Looking down in her lap, she purses her lips, trying to get the words out.
Her answer makes Hayato's stomach drop.
"1…111 days." She answers tersely. "Tsuna-san told me everything." With a shaky sob, Hayato lets Haru cry it out. He feels for her, he really does. Usually, coming back from missions that have him end up in the hospital, he's in there for 2 weeks at the most before struggling to break free. He knows how worried she gets. How sleep deprived she can get. But he always comes back in a condition that tells her he will be okay.
Looking down at his body, all bandaged up and with no feeling, Hayato knows that that's not the impression she got from him when he came back. Especially, when he thinks back on it, he was willing to put his life on the line for Tsuna.
'But 111 days?' Hayato gulps, his throat feeling dry again. Gazing at Haru with sorrowful eyes, he wants to reach out to touch her but he can't. He can't move. "I-I'm sorry." He apologizes, meaning it with every fiber of his being. "Haru, I can't imagine what that must have felt like."
At those words, Haru ferociously rubs at her eyes and glares at him. He gulps again. "That's right, you don't know how that feels like!" She hisses at him. He winces at her tone and Haru notices that. "I-I'm sorry." She shakes her head, sighing. "But Gokudera-san… I-I almost lost you."
He smiles wryly at that. "But you didn't, I'm still here."
She looks at him again, perturbed. There also seemed to be a trace of anger underlined through all her worry. "No, sometimes you weren't." She states, tone flat. "You weren't here anymore." Her words turn his blood ice cold.
"Wh-What?" Gasps Hayato, not believing her. Haru just nods once and sniffles.
"It happened a couple of times, especially in the beginning. And then you always had these attacks in the middle of the day. I was so scared, all the time." She sighs, deeply and tiredly. "And it took so long." She brings a hand to rub her forehead, effectively hiding her face from him.
"Haru…" Her lower lip trembles at the way he says her name. Soft. Affectionate.
And very guilty.
She doesn't want him to feel guilty. Not at all. But she just can't seem to stop the anger that has been festering in her heart the moment he awoke. Part of her feels like he should be guilty. And she hates herself for it. Because she loves him.
The engagement ring on her finger is proof of that.
Still, Haru tries her best to get her feelings across. "I-I'm angry at you, Gokudera-san." She confesses and he can feel the weight of those words. They're very heavy on his heart. "But more than angry, I'm really worried." Haru can feel herself breathe easier after saying this. "And really glad that you're awake."
He can't help but to grin at that. And he wants her to see him smile so he calls out her name. "Haru, look at me?" He asks quietly. She looks up at him, tears in her eyes again. Hayato's sloppy smile does something to her heart and she can't help but giggle. "That's my woman." States Hayato, proudly at that.
"Bakadera." She whispers her old nickname for him before leaning forward and pressing a light kiss on his forehead. Hayato hums at that touch and pouts a little as she pulls away.
"My lips are down here, you know?" He puckers his lips.
"No, I'm angry, remember?" She shakes her head and Hayato frowns.
"But it's been over 100 days since we've kissed." He fires back. Haru makes a face at that.
"Yeah, and who's fault is that?" She retorts, her playful mood disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
'Okay, walked right into that one.' He thinks. After apologizing again, he watches as Haru looks at his lips. She seems deep in thought and his hopes rise once more. Deciding to risk it all, he makes a "kiss me" face again.
To his delight, Haru relents and does kiss him. It's quick and so light, it's hardly a kiss. But he'll take what he can get. "Wonderful." He sighs, a bit dreamily.
Haru feels herself smirk. "Your breath smells like it hasn't been brushed in 111 days."
She giggles again before leaning forward, resting her head in his lap. It's quiet between them again, only less tense and more comfortable. "Gokudera-san?" Haru says out loud.
"Yeah?" Answers Hayato, wanting more than anything to run his fingers through her hair. All he can do is stare deep into her eyes as she looks up at him.
"Tsuna-san told me how the mission went. You risked your life again, didn't you?" She doesn't say it as an accusation but it kind of feels that way. However, he can't lie to her.
"I reeeally wish you wouldn't." A wish within a sigh.
His heart wrenches at that because he knows this. He knows she knows this. But concerning Tsuna… Haru definitely haves his love, but Tsuna will always have his loyalty. "I was ready for it." He tells her in an honest, soft tone.
Haru looks at Hayato, tears brimming around her eyes. She grasps his hand tightly, clinging to him like it was the last time she'd see him again. "I wasn't ready for it." She cries. "I wasn't ready." Her cry turns into a sob and he lets her. He wonders if she was like this everyday because of him.
Crying all the time for him. Because of him.
For 111 days.
All of his "sorry's" aren't enough in this world to let her know just how apologetic he feels. But it's all he can offer her right now since hugging her isn't something he can do at the moment. "Sorry, Haru. I'm really sorry."
She nods into his lap, accepting him. And thanks to that, despite all the pain he feels for her, that's enough to wrap his heart in a warm shell of an embrace.
"I won't ask you to stop because I know that's how you are." Whimpers Haru. "But you have to at least marry me first, okay? Can you promise me that?"
He'd nod his head if he could. "Definitely." He tells her.
This makes Haru smile. "Good. I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep here tonight."
"You can get in the bed with me." Suggests Hayato.
"No." She replies, sternly. He frowns at that. She shoots him a mini glare for even suggesting the option. Before he can ask why, Haru speaks once more. "You're super hurt and I'm not moving your body just so I can lay next to you. You need rest more than anything."
"Bu—" He tries. Haru sits back up, scowling now, despite the trail of tears continuing down her cheeks.
"I can't believe you're even willing to argue with me right now." Growls Haru lightly. He immediately shuts up. "That's what I thought." She nods before placing her hands in her lap again. "Now, I'm going to sleep here like this, in this chair, and when I wake up tomorrow morning with a crick in my neck, I'm really going to let you have."
"Yes Haru." Answers Hayato.
"Good. Now…" Settling into her said sleep position, Haru reaches for his hand again. With a wet smile, small but tender, Haru whispers with great affection, "Good night Gokudera-san. I love you." She closes her eyes.
Hayato grins. "I love you to—are you already asleep?!" His reply comes in a silent snore. Hayato just looks at Haru. Blinking twice, a little dumbly at that, he chuckles. Already, the love of his life looks serene, content, and most importantly, not worried. The light that wasn't there earlier is already coming back to her face and he's more than glad for it.
He thinks of what he can do to make it up to her after this. And then he swears to himself. And to her. "I promise to always come back to you." He tells her, even though he knows she can't hear him. It's fine. It's a little less embarrassing this way. "No matter how raggedy I come, I'll come back. I won't die before you, no matter what." He won't break her heart over this again. "Whether you wait for me for 100 or 1,000 days. I. Will. Live. So you have to live a long and happy life too." He closes his eyes. "I will definitely die right after you, it's a promise."
A promise filled with all the love in his heart.
He's not sure if he's getting feeling back into his body, but he swears he can feel Haru tighten her hold onto him.
"Good night Haru. I love you."
(A/N: I wrote this in one sitting. Apologies for any mistakes in here. Also... *sucks in breath* IS THIS NOT THE SWEETEST THING EVER?! IN A VERY….WEIRD WAY? I enjoyed every minute of writing it, at least. Lol. Please let me know what you think, thanks for reading!)
"I can't believe I woke up with a crick in my neck because of you!" Yells Haru. All of the doctors, nurses, and volunteers in the hospital have purposely ignored his room for the past 15 minutes. "This wouldn't have happened if you just did what you were supposed to do on that mission in the first place!"
Hayato lets her yell at him. He's a little bit in disbelief. The moment she woke up, she woke him up, very sweetly mind you, before really letting him have it. 'I should have known.' Hayato thinks to himself, not able to do anything since he still can't move. 'She's not the type of woman who's all bark. Of course she meant what she said last night.'
"But noooo! You just had to go ahead and be a big, freaking idiot! Ahhhh!" She screams. "I am so mad at you! Ugh! Just the sight of you makes me wanna…wanna!" Not knowing what else to say, Haru fumes silently. "Grrr… So lucky I love you. I'm not even married to you yet and I already want a divorce."
Hayato's heart drops to the bottom of the floor. "No! You can't do that!" He cries. "I already promised last night to die after you!"
"So you definitely can't divorce me. Not since I swore you'd die before me!" He reasons.
"Are you going to kill me before you die?!" Haru misinterprets his words.
"Wha—no! Listen to me woman." The two argue for a while more.