2A Princess's Holiday
Beta'd and Edited by The Grand Cogitator
"Look, Miss Claire! The ocean!" Iris cried, running forward as she clutched her hat to her head to stand atop the bluff.
Panting, her two retainers struggled to catch up to Iris, Rain carrying a picnic basket, and Claire lugging along an umbrella, some towels, and a fully functioning security system.
"Yes, Princess, it's very nice," Claire gasped, smiling fondly at her ward while Iris's back was turned. When the princess spun about to face them however, Claire's face became stern. "Now you remember what you promised, don't you? Stick close to me, your Highness, so that I can protect you."
"Yes, Miss Claire," Iris sighed, turning back and gazing at the water. "That does look refreshing, perhaps I shall go for a paddle later."
"Absolutely not! There are sharks in the water!" Claire said firmly. "You'll stay inside of the defensive perimeter!"
Iris sighed but nodded her acquiescence. She still had fun laying out her towel and helping Rain with the umbrella while Claire constructed her Princess Protection Picket.
"Isn't that a bit much, Claire?" Rain asked, frowning around at the Auto-Magic 3000 turrets, Evil Repelling Barrier, and Anti-Shark spray.
"Nothing is too much to safeguard my princess," Claire said firmly, dusting her hands off and nodding in satisfaction at her efforts.
"Are you certain this is what people do at the beach?" Iris asked forlornly a short time later. Claire was stretched out in the sun with a pair of sunglasses, dressed in, of all things, a literal chainmail bikini. Rain was garbed far more conservatively in a one piece bathing suit, a straw hat on her head despite the fact that she was under the umbrella.
"This is what proper ladies do when they visit the beach, your Highness," Rain said with a smile, looking up from her romance novel. "They take the sea air and relax."
"But those people are swimming and playing in the surf," Iris said, pointing to a laughing group of girls about her own age.
"They're commoners," Claire said dismissively. "And fools. The sharks are certain to eat them all."
"I would like to see a shark…" Iris mused. Claire was unmoved, and Rain looked concerned. Iris tried a new tactic. "What of different kinds of food? Is it not proper for a lady to sample the local fare when she goes on holiday?"
"We have a picnic packed by the royal chefs. We've no need to try tawdry local tripe," Claire sniffed.
Rain, however, seemed a bit more sympathetic. "Perhaps later we can go and try something, your Highness. For now, why don't you sit with me? We could go over some of your lessons."
That didn't appeal to Iris in the slightest, and she was just thinking of a way to talk her way out of her lessons when she spotted a pair of familiar figures. She turned and jumped in the air, waving frantically. "Oh, hello! Fancy seeing the two of you here!"
"Your highness! That is not how a princess behaves!" Claire snapped, sitting up and glaring over the rim of her glasses.
"Yes, but I'm incognito," Iris reminded her retainer. "Hello! Lady Dustiness! Mr. Sato!"
"Eh?" The first of the two newcomers turned towards Iris. Instead of being dressed in a bathing suit, he wore a somewhat stained and worn green tracksuit. "Oh, hey, Iris. What's up?"
"Your Highness!" Darkness gasped. "I did not know-" Hastily, Darkness tried to cover herself. This was somethat difficult, as while her bikini gave her a small dose of modesty, even her hands were not enough to preserve the dignity of a noblewoman. "That is, I did not think you would be here!"
"Oh, do not worry, Cousin!" Iris said happily. "Please, come join us! I did not know you and Mr. Sato would be here on holiday as well."
"You! I thought I told you to stay away from the capitol after the last incident!" Claire snarled as Kazuma and Darkness came forward.
"Sup, Suit?" Kazuma said, giving Claire an indolent grin. "Wow, didn't think a lady like you would show so much skin. Is that seriously chainmail? Seems kind of uncomfortable. Bet it chaffes something awful."
"I am in disguise. Now go away. There must be something defective with my turrets, as they are set to vaporise any scum that approaches," Claire hissed.
"Oh do not be like that, Claire," Rain said, standing and closing her book. "Greetings, Lady Dustiness, Mr. Sato. It is a pleasure to see you again."
"M-Miss Rain," Darkness said, bowing slightly. "Oh, the humiliation to be seen by her highness in such attire! The degradation, the-"
"Yeah that's enough of that. What brings you here, lil' sis?" Kazuma asked, turning away from the irate Claire.
"I am here on holiday, but I was hoping to sample some of the local fare. I don't suppose you could take me to get some?" Iris pleaded, smiling demurely at Kazuma.
"Sure, why not?" Kazuma said at the same time Claire said, "Absolutely not!"
"I-I could go with them," Darkness offered. She straightened her spine. "As a Crusader, it is my duty to protect the royal personage."
"Hmph. Well, I suppose. I'll come as well. Just keep an eye out for sharks," Claire ordered.
After exiting the defensive perimeter, the party walked down the shore to where Kazuma said he had set up a yakisoba stand with his party.
"This 'yakisoba' it is Japannish food?" Iris guessed.
"It's Japanese, yeah," Kazuma agreed. "It's fried noodles; they've been selling like crazy. But with a royal endorsement we'll really move them!"
"Her Highness is not an advertisement!" Claire barked. She was about to say more, when she turned pale despite the sun. "Sharks!"
Out of the surf, a shiver of sharks clambered up onto the beach, jaws wide as they raced for their prey.
"Don't worry, sis, I'll protect you!" Kazuma declared, putting himself between Iris and the sharks.
"No, allow me!" Darkness panted. " I am the perfect shield! I wish to be battered and bruised, gnawed and ripped apart by those vicious-"
"I am Her Highness's bodyguard! Get away!" Claire ordered, raising her rapier. She stepped forward, engaging a shark. It was a hard fought melee, with Claire taking a few knicks, but she brought down her shark.
Kazuma managed to Snipe one shark before it could get to them, then danced around another. He used his Bind skill to hobble it's legs, then slipped around the side and hit the weak point just behind the gills to take out another.
As for Darkness...let's just say she enjoyed herself with three sharks.
"I saved you, Iris!" Kazuma laughed, standing triumphant atop his slain foes
"No, I protected the Princess!" Claire sneered. They both turned around, and their jaws dropped.
"Oh, thank you ever so much," Iris said sweetly. She quickly rabbit punched a shark that she had pinned down, shattering its skull. Another tried to sneak up on Iris as she talked, and she backhanded it, sending the beast cartwheeling through the sand to splatter on the bluffs behind them.
Iris was covered head to toe in gore, and a full dozen sharks lay dismembered on the ground around her. She had been unarmed and wore only a sundress and straw hat, so it had been a completely unfair fight between her and thirteen of the ocean's deadliest predators.
"Truely, I feel very safe with the three of you around," Iris said, prying the three sharks off Darkness and taking them out with one blow each. She smiled happily, her teeth white through the blood that coated her. "I am a trifle messy, though. Let us go for a paddle, then we can get some yakisoba."
"Um, sure," Kazuma agreed.
"I… yes, your Highness," Claire acquiesced.
"Yes, let us hope there are more sharks for me to protect you from!" Darkness laughed.
"Oh, lovely! Come, Big Bro! Let us play as the commoners do!" Iris raced for the waves, diving in.
As she did so, every shark on the beach made for new waters. The news was out: A Belzerg was here, and it was no place for predators.
Author's Note
This story was originally written for the Konosuba: Fantastic Days first fanfic contest, where it took 3rd place. Since the contest is over, I figured I would share it here.