007's Saucy Anthologies:

James Bond In…


Part 1 – Cock up a Shitty Hole

"Yu wanna me suck yo coock now, mista boond?" A bikini-clad babe purrs in Bond's ear, whilst simultaneously slipping a feminine digit right up his shitter. In a single action, he whipped her granny panties off, like an angry, horny dog and tightened them around her neck. In shock, she felt the lubrication within her vagina get sandy as she collapsed back onto the beach beneath their stinky, bare toes and feet.

"Your boss. Where is he?" Bond interrogated her, tightening the OAP knickers so tightly that they became a G-string, garrotting her like Hitman. "Mista… Boond… I can't… Breeze!" He huffed, loosening the grip slightly. "Now talk!" He demanded, passing the time by sucking her nipples. He then ate a corn on the cob; they'd ordered KFC, but it came with corn on the cob instead of fries, even though he ordered mashed potato.

The thought of this betrayal fuelled a deep rage into his butt hole, and he unleashed it, kicking her cunt. "Mista… Boond… He'll be arriving at my house soon!" She admitted, reaching desperately for his cock. "I guess you deserve it." He affirmed and pulled his budgie-smugglers down, unfurling his veiny, tanned todger. "I sucka ona your dicky dick, mista Bond, your dicky dick!" She did so and he jizzed right down her throat.

She then left the area via a Blackpool donkey, sucking his sheathe as she disappeared into the sunset, never to be fucked again.

A few hours later, what appeared to be a tranny, complete with dress and stockings, and even high heels, entered a grand house. The figure came into the main colouring-in room and sat on the comfortable sofa, legs akimbo. With a swoosh, it swiped a vibrating bullet and began stimulating their taint.

The buzzing and squelching excited a hiding Bond, who was concealed behind a nearby drawn curtain. He was naked for some reason and his erecting cock formed a familiar shape within the expensive satin sheet. The genderless shape noticed the odd patterning and went to yank it toward it. Bond went to cry out in pain as the slimy sucker grabbed his willy, but he instead cried out in pleasure.

The tranny's blonde Marilyn Monroe wig came off, revealing an orange, bald head with several holes for breathing in it. Multiple tentacles grew from the fake hands and mannequin body it was all using as a vessel. The fishy tendrils slashed the curtains to ribbins, revealing itself to the nakey naked Bond.

"Oh, my God! You're an octopus creature!" He shouted before squatting down and losing a log of shit in fear. The creature, which resembled Octodad, picked the, still shitting, Bond up above his head. He screamed like The Predator and released a thick black ink into Bond's cock hole. The log of shit slipped from Bond's shitter and slid into Octodad's eyes, stunning him momentarily.

Bond went to run away, but the thick ink made this difficult. As he recovered, Octodad thrust his own cock forward and fucked Bond's mouth with it. He continued pumping his octopus black spunk into 007's dicky dick. Bond suddenly grabbed Octodad's hanging balls and squeezed them; this gave him just enough cock space to escape from the house.

He leapt into his car and tried to start the engine, but it was stalling. He saw the octopus tranny creature in his rear-view mirror, advancing menacingly – its balls were purple and bruised from the pressure and 007's squeezing. Bond felt another bowel movement begging for attention; he opened his car commode and slipped his little, hairy butt over it. In an instant, he shit out another light brown log. Ring sting hurting, he then pressed a red button just beneath his saggy ball sack. This sent the log of shit flying out from the exhaust with the full force of twelve handicapped guerrillas.

The brown bullet pierced through Octodad's chest, which bled a black spunk. Bond's engine then started; he reversed into the octopus man, to make sure it was dead, then sucked it off massively. Afterward, he had a wank while listening to Smooth FM.

During the intro song, there are multiple penises going into ears, and fannies flicking each other's beans. Stinky feet and butt holes, and smegma and fishy fanny.

He always spunks while others are flaccid;
He sucks cock while other men just don't.
They call him the wanker who fucks them all;
And he shits a log like Thundercunt!

He kisses the penis of a horse;
His balls are big so he spunks less.
He looks at this world and fucks them all;
Then he shits a log like Thundercunt!

Any man he wants, fuck the ear of;
He will break any arse without lube!

His days of raping are not gone;
His shitting goes on, and on, and on.
But he thinks that the fucking log f shit, is worth it all;
So he shits a log of shit

Like Thundercunt!

As the song finishes, we see Bond with a browned-water jetpack up his butthole; he used it to travel to the MI6 pharmacy; he steered it using his overworked, abused prostate. There was a massive queue when he arrived, so he sighed heavily and took a painful seat upon one of the boring chairs.

Meanwhile, in Moneycunt's office…

Man-M opens his adjoining door and looks at his secretary. "Moneycunt! Where's Bond? He should have been here hours ago!" He was obviously in a bit of a mood. "Well, sir, after that fishy business with the Octopus creature, he's contracted a disease that usually only affects fish after nautical bumsex, so he's gone to the pharmacy for butt antibiotics. They're quite good there; it's where I get my Battenberg flavour vaginal pessary from." She said in her most sultry voice, which would give even the limpest of heterosexual cocks a semi.

Man M then went quite and looked around, like he didn't know what to do with himself. "You can help me, if you've got nothing else to do." She suggested, looking over at Man-M, then down to what she was doing; she'd been making a new set of sexy lingerie ready for Bond's return. She was hoping to finally get a great little fuck form that little fuck nugget.

Man-M looked at her suspiciously, before itching his old balls that were stuck to the inside of his leg, in an attempt to dislodge them, to little avail. "I want to see how this looks on, so wear it for me, bitch." She spoke out of character, reacting on impulse from her high of accomplishing something by making this sexy bitch receptionist lingerie for Bond. Man-M looked furious. He pulled his hand back to bitch-slap her.

"If you don't do this for me, I'll tell everyone you touched my minge!" Man-M suddenly stopped. "Bitch." He said simply, before silently complying. He slipped his shoes off, then his sweaty socks. She relaxed into her chair with a comfortable sigh, like a dictator watching an execution. Next his old-fashioned belt came undone with a Ching, loosening his trousers just enough to fall down to his ankles. This exposed his white, old man Y-Fronts, which were stained slightly on the front, with OAP precum.

He slithered out of his suit jacket and shirt; his cufflinks had been smelted in the image of his dirty pussy. He then walked over to the sexy garment, but Moneycunt stepped onto his hand with her high-heeled, stinky foot. "No, no, no! Get naked, slut!" Man M looked bashful. "I know you love It, you little slag!"

Man-M began to cry little, salty tears but obeyed her fully. His knickers dropped like an anchor; his balls unfurled and dropped to at least 3.5 inches below the end of his pathetic chode. It was a buried penis, so it was, mostly, hidden from sight. Just a little bell-end poking through the subcutaneous and pubic fat. His pubis felt embarrassed and hairy. So hairy. Moneycunt laughed in his face. He quickly got dressed into the sexy negligée and bra, in hopes of hiding his little dicky dick.

Upon hearing a bark, Moneyfanny maternally picked up a small sausage dog from under her desk. "Moneycunt! You know you're not allowed pets!" Man-M bellowed, forgetting himself and the situation for a moment. She went and squeezed his big balls. "I mean erm… Nice dog you have there, mistress!" He squeaked as his balls were nearly popped. She smiled slyly, satisfied her dirty plan was working. "That's right, little slut." She then placed her new dog on the desk, so it was facing Man-M.

"Now bend over my desk and do a little, sexy dance for PP Cock here." She patted the dog's butt. Man-M snarled under his breath but complied. He wiggled up and down, then leaned over the desk. Strangely enough, this did seme to begin to arouse PP Cock; his canine sheathe opened on the end, and a candy cane came popping out. Moneycunt instantly bent it backward and sucked it entirely, like it was a Chuppa Chup. PP Cock whined in pleasure, then panted as he felt the pleasure and watched Man-M jiggle around so sexual.

Behind Man-M, and unbeknownst to all present, especially PP Cock, Bond entered the office in a huff. He accurately through his stinky socks onto the stinky socks stand, like he usually did. He then turned to see Moneycunt in her usual, boring clothes, which struggled to incite a boner in even the most pervy of rapists; but saw, instead, her bent over the desk, apparently giving some sort of sexy, sexy, so sexy lap dance for a Dachshund. The real Moneycunt was hidden, accidentally, under the desk and out of sight.

Bond wasted no time; he was annoyed from having to wait so long for his butthole antibiotics, so he grabbed his already erected cock from inside his suited trousers and thrusted right up Man-M's tiny shit hole. Man-M's prostate was assaulted by spunk and something inside of him snapped. He yanked Bond's cock out from his arsehole, then spun around, revealing to Bond who he was. Bond was in shock, then saw the real Moneypenny sucking off PP Cock.

Moneycunt then stopped sucking and saw that she'd just missed an opportunity to get fucked up the ass by Bond. She went off in a mard, leaving PP Cock unspunked. Bond felt bad for the wee dog, and fucked it in the mouth, then the butt. Man-M was also very compassionate where animals were involved so he sucked PP cock's cock, then swallowed his creamy load.

In a dark twist, Moneycunt, the mardy bitch returned and, in her rage and disappointment, threw PP Cock out of a nearby window, and to its apparent death. Little did she know, Bond had placed a mini version of his browned-water butthole jetpack up PP Cock's shitter, so he shit back up and pissed on Moneycunt's hair. She ran off, screaming.

Bond then put PP Cock back into his bed and made sure he always had a fresh supply of clean water and fed him regularly; and he always took him for walks, apart form when he was on missions; Man-M did it then, or they'd go together. They were the perfect surrogate fathers to PP Cock, to be honest.

Bond entered Man-M's office.

Man -M was still wearing the sexy negligée.

He sat on a dildo, and so did bond.

"What do you know about Eyepatch Fuckhole?" Man-M asked like a slut.

Bond groaned in pleasure. "Hm. Smuggler, hot butt, cute willy."

"So, you have heard of him." Man-M concluded.

"A plane has been stolen, along with the two experimental bombs it had onboard. We think Eyepatch Fuckhole is behind it." They then started making out; each one of them stood from their dildos and embraced their arms around each other; their lips joined then their lips and teeth, and germs and saliva. Hot and horny.

"Experimental bombs?" Bond took a breath and asked between kisses.

"The bombs are full of spunk, instead of normal bomb stuff." Man-M answered, enjoying the taste of Bond's mouth and stubble.

"Go to the Bahamas and find those missiles and kill whoever stole them!" He demanded, getting down on his knees; the lingerie seemed to be controlling his actions, like a parasitic worm was embedded within his horny brain. Bond had such excuse, though.

"Your contact will meet you there, I believe you've met Felix Lighter before..." Man-M asked, with jealousy, while sucking Bond's soft cock into a full erection. He felt the veins of it push against the roof of his mouth, like the molten cheese of a freshly cooked pizza.

"That bastard left me on read." Bond commented, but spunked upon hearing the name of the oh so sexy Felix Lighter.

Man-M then spunked into his hand, then drank it, and spat on their together dicks before they finished sexualizing the other.

Man-M flicked the bean belonging to his dirty pussy and fisted his fucked.

James Bond left to finally start his mission.

End of part 1