7Disclaimer: I do not own 9/11
Warning for swearing and blood. Plus this is kinda rushed and cringe. I think Buck is naturally cringy sometimes so this shouldn't be too bad on my part.
It was a sunny day, a nice one for a day off. Buck was happy for some time away from the station. After the lawsuit it became hard to comfortably stay in the same room with any of the team members. Chimney and Hen were the only two that didn't despise his presents. No matter how many times he apologized it didn't change anything. No matter how many times he internally cringed and punished himself whenever someone on the team was affected, it didn't make it any better. Nothing would change what he had done and how selfish he felt.
After several weeks of the cold shoulder and scut work, today was finally going to be relaxing. At least that's what he told himself. Buck knew that a day off wouldn't fix anything, but it would definitely take his mind off of everything for a while. Buck yawned and slowly made his way down the steps and into the kitchen. He decided to treat himself, make a nice array of foods. Being treated like garbage doesn't usually give you a big appetite.
The smell of eggs, bacon, and sausage wafted in the air giving it a pleasant aroma, and he smile.
" Shit," Buck opened the fridge and grabbed one of the potatoes he had intended to make home-fries with. He washed it then placed it on the cutting board readying it for slicing. With the help of the sooth cutting knife, he was able to cut it into small pieces until the last cut. When the knife came down, his attention had drifted to the sizzling bacon and smell of burning while the knife sliced into his palm.
" What the hell?!" Buck groaned as he reached for the nearest dish towel. If this was any cut, he wouldn't think much of it. But, it wasn't. He was on blood thinners, and a simple paper-cut could fill a shot glass in 10 seconds. Moving the towel away, it was clear the wound was deep enough for stitches and already bleeding a considerable amount. This was nothing that could be dealt with with home supplies.
'So much for a nice day off'
Shutting the stove off Buck quickly grabbed his keys and fled to his jeep. Looking at his phone, he considered calling someone. Was it even safe to drive when one was heavily bleeding like this? Would anyone even pick up? Probably not, especially not Bobby or Eddie. He would just have to do this himself, and so he started the route to the ER.
It wasn't that bad, even with the shakiness and pain. He was used to pain, this wouldn't kill him. The dizziness however just might. Several times he caught himself slowly steering into the yellow lines and getting honked at. It was like a godsend when the bright, illuminated red ER sign came into view.
Red, hot and flustered, Buck started towards the doors and signed himself in. The front desk lady could see he was on the verge of passing out.
" Oh my, are you alright?"
' I wouldn't be here if I was alright' he though but didn't say it out loud.
" Yeah, just-just a bit dizzy is all,"
" What is your name and what has happened hun?" The woman said in a motherly way. It was surprising soothing, he hoped the other nurses were that way too.
" Buck, well, Evan Buckley. I- uh cut my hand while cooking. I should probably mention, I'm on blood-thinners,"
Her face went a tad paler as her eyes finally focus on the blood soaked towel. She could hardly tell the original color, there was so much red.
" Of course, I'll let them know and ask that you get bumped to the top of the waiting list. It should be no more than a 2 minutes," She said with a sympathetic smile.
" HEY! I have been here for two hours, where's my bump?" Said a skinny framed man who sat in the closest seat to the desk. He looked quite argumentative.
" You are here every week Gary, they can't find anything wrong with you. This man needs immediate help." She said with little comfort in her voice. Her sympathy was greatly appreciated. Before he even got a chance to properly sit, an older gentlemen called his name.
" Uh, yeah, th-that's me," Buck got up, but before he could, he could feel the heat invade his ears and cheeks. A black vail covered his vision and the whole world tipped on it's axis. He knew no more.
The next thing Buck could account for a memory was the slight pain in the nook of his elbow. Immediately his eyes tracked the sensation and could see the tape and tubing of an IV.
" W-what happened?" He whispered.
" You passed out. Have you been eating much lately?"
Buck paused and reflected on the past few months. How many times was he excluded from the meals Bobby prepared? How many times had he been so busy mopping the floor and missed a meal because he didn't want to upset the captain when he came back from a call? How many times did he just decide not to cook because he was too depressed to go out shopping? The answer, all the time. Practically everyday in fact. Did any one care to notice? Hardly not. Not one ever noticed.
" I don't think so," Buck admitted shamefully. He stared at his hands, fumbling them pointlessly.
"I suppose then I need to remind you the dangers of not getting enough nutrients, especially when blood-loss is never a rare possibility?"
" Yeah, I guess," Buck smiled at her. Not in a flirtatious way, hell no. More of a friendly and understanding way.
" Well then, start with eating this," The nurse said, pulling up the tray containing several cups of jello and crackers.
Within moments after consuming the snacks, Buck's entire energy level changed. Mixed with the fluids and nutrients, he felt better than he had in a while. The only thing that nearly undermined that was the slight throb of his bandaged palm. The thick white bandages covered the two inch slit easily.
As Buck started to reposition himself on the bed, the doctor came in.
" Hello Mr. Buckley, how are you feeling."
" Great actually, uh, when can I get out of here. No offence, it's nothing against you, I just haven't had the best experiences in hospitals,"
" No offense taken. I suppose now that you have more or less recovered from your spell," Buck blushed at that," You may be sent home."
The smile on his face was wide, but was quickly dampened when the doctor gave a scowl.
" But, not before you are given specific instruction for sustainable living conditions." The serious sarcasm was dripping off his tone. Again, the young firefighter was embarrassed, but would do anything to go home and flop in his bed. Maybe eat a descent meal. Anything but rough sheets and lukewarm jello.
Just as Buck changed back into civilian clothes once more and was being given instructions, someone called out his name. It was rather loud and familiar.
"B-bobby?"
" Buck, are you alright?" Said Bobby, who surprisingly had a terrified look on his face.
" Yeah, I just cut my hand," He said moving it a bit to prove his statement. The nurse gave him a glare. She knew he was not being totally truthful.
" Really, because the front desk lady said you passed out,"
Now it was Buck's turn to glare. He hated the pleased look on the nurse's face as the entirety of the situation was relieved.
" Well, yeah, that happened too Cap." Buck didn't want to lie. He was tired of lying and frankly, if he was more mature, would never do so again. He hated how he hurt his friends and hated how it hurt him back. He just hated everything.
" You didn't think to mention that part?"
" Sorry, Cap-I just didn't-"
" Just tell me if you'll be alright," Bobby said in a fatherly way.
" He will be, if he takes care of himself," The nurse chimed in. Although her intentions of keeping her patient safe were clear, the fact that she was doing so so abruptly angered Buck. He kept his lips shut though. He was already embarrassed enough, it's not like he needed to say anything to create more.
" What does she mean Buck?"
Silence answered him. The glare pointed at the younger man, he couldn't help but to confess.
" I have missed, a few meals and was lacking some energy. That's all,"
" Hardly," The nurse scoffed. It surprised him because of how unprofessional it was. He didn't like that, definitely not.
" Why are you even here Bobby," Buck questioned, exhaustion obvious in his voice.
" I got a called you were injured,"
" I don't need you here, I highly doubted you would anyway," He said mumbling the last part.
" Regardless of what you think, you are a part of our family, and that mean's we take care of each other," After all the kid had put him and his family through, no one would have blamed him if he hadn't of shown up. But, he did.
" Does taking care of each other include excluding them from get-togethers and jokes? To constantly leave them behind like garbage, and treat them like scum? No matter how many times I give my apologies or swear my devotion, it never changes anything-"
" That's because what you did hurt us Buck! You were childish and inconsiderate. You shared out secrets with the most corrupt type of person and betrayed us. We have the right to be hurt and saying otherwise is cruel," Silence followed them all. The nurse felt like she was finally intruding in the discussion and slowly walked away as to give them to some privacy.
Water clouded Buck's vision. He knew, oh man how he knew. He already knew because he beat himself up over it daily.
" I-I just wanted you back. I know I'm stupid and foolish from trusting a man like that. I was so clouded by my anger I didn't think,"
" No, you didn't think."
" I know, and I'm sorry," Buck's voiced hitched as he slightly turned his face away. He didn't want to see that man he though of as a father, a mentor to see him in such a state. He was shocked when the sensation of strong, confident arms wrap themselves around his dwindling frame.
" I know you are Buck. I'm sorry too,"
This time was better than ever to break down. Buck's entire body shook with silent sobs. They stayed that way for god knows how long. When the nurse walked back in, it was a better time than ever to let go of one another and see what she had to say.
" Here's the discharge papers when you're ready," She said.
" I was admitted?" But asked, nose stuffy and noticeable.
" Well yes, you've been here for hours." She said and handed the clipboard in their direction. It was Bobby who took ahold of it and took the responsibility of filling out the information. It struck Buck when he realized how much Bobby knew about him. He had all of his information. He knew everything about him, took care of him. He didn't deserve such loving people in his life. He didn't deserve much of anything anymore.
Setting the pen down, Bobby turned to his younger colleague.
" Let's get you home," Buck nodded in agreement and risked a glance into Bobby's eyes. They were sincere and light.
" Please,"
Bobby placed his hand in the middle of the younger man's back and steered him towards the exit.
Once in the car and cruising down the busy streets, Buck couldn't help but notice they were going the wrong way.
" Uh Bobby, I think you missed the turn. My apartment is that way,"
" I know Buck, I'm bring you home,"
He wanted to protest and insist that he go back to the bare and emptiness of his apartment. But was that what he really wanted?
" Okay," He whispered instead. The exhaustion was returning. Though now only evening, the day's events all came rushing back and Buck couldn't help the drooping of his eyelids.
" You gonna make it?" Bobby said smirking.
A hum was the only response he got.
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