Buckle up for some Sad Sho Hours! I own nothing except for the song. :)

It took Sho a long time, longer than it should have, to realize what he had lost in losing Kyoko. Oh, sure, he had noticed some things right away - for one, Shoko did not know that he loved pudding, and he was not about to ruin his shot by telling her something so uncool.

There was also the fact that the apartment was just… cold. Not temperature-wise (the fancy building took care of that), but in feeling. He was not sure how to describe it. Maybe it was just knowing that there would be no one waiting for him with dinner ready. But that did not bother him much at first, since he spent so much time over at Shoko's place.

Then there were the smaller things. Small, stupid things that did not have the right to upset him. Like having to get a laundry service, or the fact that if he put a dish on the counter, it would stay there. Or that he could never find anything when he was looking for it.

Plus, he never liked the bentos the crew provided for him as much as he had liked hers. He told himself that it was just because hers tasted familiar, and because she knew better than to make the tamagoyaki sweet. Eventually, he forgot what her cooking tasted like at all. He should have been happy about that, but it just made him feel like he was straining to hear an echo that would never come.

He would be sitting up late some night, working on a song, and forget himself. He would turn and ask empty air what they thought of a verse, eager for praise. But the air never answered him. Then he would go to the fridge for a beer to help him ignore his embarrassment, only to find it sitting empty. He would slam it shut and return to his song, but could never quite keep the same groove he had been in before that.

Or there were times when he was upset, and no one knew what to say to make him feel better. No one knew how to flatter and soothe like Kyoko did. Sure, Pochi was decent - and had a much better chest - but she could be so annoying. She never knew when to shut up or how to read his mood. Plus, she was always begging him for something. Kyoko had never asked for anything.

Then after the incident with Vie Ghoul, he realized something else. He realized that no one knew how to push him forward like Kyoko did. She had done it gently before she'd left; back then, she would encourage or distract him as needed when he hit tough spots in his budding career. She had bribed him with pudding to keep trying when he had writer's block on what had later become his first big hit. After she'd changed, no one could get him fired up like she could. No one else knew how to drag him out of a rut, how to make him want to fight. And boy, did she ever. This new version of Kyoko was a spitfire who never bothered to sugarcoat her words the way she did back when she knew she was his.

Valentine's day had him thinking that he had lost his control over her, her obsession with him. And if his first fan could abandon him for a cheap knock-off, what was stopping the rest of them? Luckily, that had all been a misunderstanding. He was still able to tell himself that she was his. It was just a matter of time until she realized it, too, and came crawling back.

How wrong he had been.

What took him the longest to realize and even longer to admit was that he had lost his best friend. For a long, long time, he was the person who knew Kyoko best, and she, him. He could not say that anymore. He did not know where she was right now, if she was even in the country. For all he knew, she was in Hollywood, filming something with that pin-headed actor. She did not even think about him anymore; he knew that now. The last time he had seen her, she had just been mildly surprised to see him, and then smiled - smiled - and asked him how he was. As if she was asking an acquaintance, not the boy she had grown up adoring.

The night after that happened, he sat down and wrote a song that would not see the lights of a stage for a long, long time. Not until it stopped hurting.

Here's to lost love,

here's to love that never could've,

never should have been

Here's to a love that shaped us

Here's to a love that broke us apart

Here's to a love I wish I'd shared

Wish I'd returned from the start

He wondered, sometimes, if things could have ended differently for them, or if they were fated to fall apart the way they had.

Here's to the love that built my soul

Here's to the love that broke your bones

Here's to the love that never could have

Never should have been mine

And here's to a boy singing onstage

Here's to a girl who knew how to wait

Here's to a love that shattered that day

And lodged itself inside my mind

Maybe, if he had been a better friend, Kyoko could have broken out of the shell he had helped her situation shove her into - without wrecking everything they'd had in the process. If maybe he had paid attention to her during his rise to stardom, he could have seen how badly she wanted something as simple as a little makeup. If he had not talked so callously of her to Shoko, he might have been able to find out.

Here's to lost love

Here's to love that never could've,

Never should've been

Here's to the girl whose heart I broke

Here's to the girl who kept me afloat

Here's to the girl whose songs I wrote

And erased night after night

Here's to the girl who broke my heart

Here's to the girl who doesn't want it anymore

Here's to the girl could not stay

And to the boy who is too late

But there was no point in thinking about that now. He had made his bed, so he had to lie in it. There was no point in thinking about how her eyes sparkled when she laughed, or about how happy she looked in her interviews. Thinking about the what-ifs did nothing but blur his vision.

Here's to lost love

The kind that could've been

The kind that should've been

If I'd opened my eyes

Here's to lost love

The kind you have to choose

To throw away or keep

And haunts you as you sleep

He could have had her forever, he knew that. If he had not been so cruel, she would never have strayed from his side. She would have waited for him to wake up and realize what he had until her dying day. It was selfish of him, a waste of her potential, to wish for that. Even he could admit how spectacular, how talented, she was. And if he had paid her a little more attention, they could have risen side by side.

Here's to the girl who has my heart

Here's to the girl who lives apart

Whose life I'll never know


Here's to lost love

Here's to love that never could've

Never should have been

He had shoved the song into the drawer with the rest of them. The lock for that drawer was under the toothbrush cup, right where Kyoko had always kept her spare key to his guitar case. Someday, he would sing her songs for the world to hear.

The whole world, except for Kyoko.