1,151Chapter 31 - Relating Rationalizations
"Do you understand, Mordred?"
"... mmm..."
"..." Kay could feel his temples throbbing, and it took a herculean feat of strength for him to resist the urge to discipline his newest student, even as he reminded himself that this was a favor to his foster sister.
Then he looked at said sister's bastard child, obviously distracted despite baring no visible features, and could only sigh as his temper immediately began to cool.
After all, even if it hadn't been an eventful couple of days since Lancelot's assault on Camelot's dungeons, Mordred's passions, interests, and general demeanour made him ill-suited for the topics that Kay had been asked to teach him, topics that (through no fault of his own) Mordred lacked even the barest of a background in, and which thusly necessitated him to begin with the most basic (and boring) bits for his education.
Also, considering what Artoria had told him of Mordred's upbringing (and he had very little reason to doubt her words), there was hardly anything he could do to punish him that could compare to how Morgan had raised him.
Instead, a different approach would be needed.
"Alright, Mordred, what's on your mind?" Kay bluntly asked as he set aside the parchment he'd been using to try and illustrate his teachings about tracking expenses, opting for the direct approach; while he still couldn't say he knew Mordred very well, what he did know was that the silent and dour knight had little patience for meaningless pleasantries and hollow words (a not-insignificant drawback when it came to politics, but Kay could wholeheartedly empathize with the sentiment).
Mordred's helmet paused, and Kay could feel the gaze levelled upon him.
There wasn't much hostility in it, though, and Mordred didn't immediately make any dismissive noises, so Kay felt somewhat encouraged.
Instead, after a few seconds, Mordred simply exhaled, and his helmet lowered as he tried to brush it off: "There isn't anythi-"
"You've spent more time looking out of the window than at your parchment, Mordred," Kay pointed out, shutting his nephew(?) up, before his tone softened slightly: "Look, I get it; poring over papers is hardly the most interesting way to spend one's time, even for those with such passions. So, let's not waste each other's time, Mordred. If your mind is occupied on other matters, it would be prudent to address it first, rather than allow it to continue distracting you throughout future lessons."
Mordred could only cock her head in confusion at Kay's words, wondering if this was how most normal people did things when a lesson was interrupted by a distracted student.
Okay, granted, Agravain's lessons hadn't involved much more than the occasional implied threat of violence, but she'd figured that had simply been because she and Jaune had managed to focus without any issue.
But still, while she didn't particularly feel like talking to Kay, Father had told to listen to him, and so she reluctantly asked: "... then... why did you just let Lancelot and Guinevere go, just like that?"
Emboldened by the fact that he had actually responded, Kay took a moment to carefully consider his next words, before deciding to pounce on the provided opening, and answering Mordred's question with one of his own: "Oh? Do you think I shouldn't have?"
"Of course," Mordred huffed. "After their betrayal of the King, and especially Lancelot's slaughter of his fellow knights, for them to be able to just walk away..."
"I don't disagree," Kay nodded, before snorting as Mordred's helmet snapped back to him. "Hey, don't look at me like that. The pardon was Arthur's idea, not mine.
"Okay, he hadn't planned for that exact situation," Kay quickly clarified, feeling the gaze upon him intensify. To be perfectly fair to Artoria, he was reasonably sure she hadn't ever considered that the pardon might have been delivered while Lancelot was breaking into Camelot's dungeons and fighting two of the Knights of the Round Table to the death. On the other hand, though, it didn't change the fact that his foster sister was still a naive idealist despite everything that had happened to her, all in the name of the Kingdom. "But it was still his intention to forgive Lancelot and Guinevere, and as such I made the choice in my capacity to fulfil the spirit behind his words, rather than allow for any further bloodshed that day."
"But why?" Mordred questioned, frustration creeping into her tone. "Why would he still forgive them despite everything?"
"Because..." Kay began, before slumping his shoulders and sighing, realizing that he would have to actually praise that damn French womanizer. "You have to remember, Mordred; despite everything he did, Lancelot was still the man who once crossed the sea to serve England. Despite owing no allegiance to us, he still chose to swear an oath to Arthur."
Behind her helmet, Mordred found herself frowning, as Kay's description of that damned traitor brought to mind another man from a foreign land, and the idea of even comparing the two, even involuntarily, utterly irked her.
But externally, nothing changed, and unaware of her expression or emotions, Kay simply continued: "Countless are the times they fought alongside one another, and countless are the times Lancelot and Arthur have saved each other's lives in battle. He was the First Knight of the Round Table, and Arthur's most-trusted knight and good friend.
"Similarly, though Guinevere and Arthur married only for political reasons, and there existed no romantic love between them, she was still a close friend and confidant of his, aiding him in innumerable ways, and Arthur has always acknowledged the depth of the sacrifice that Guinevere made in agreeing to be wed to him.
"In the end, in the name of the relationship Arthur once shared with them, and for the sake of the people they once were, your father chose to grant them a pardon, rather than have them be executed." Kay concluded, all the while discreetly eyeing Mordred for anything that could clue him in on his nephew's current thoughts.
For her part, Mordred found her frown only deepening, though not from distaste, and after a few moments of struggling with the mental image of being forced to condemn her squire (though unlike Lancelot he had been innocent), could only remark: "That... doesn't sound like justice, though..."
"It isn't," Kay agreed, shaking his head tiredly, still unable to glean any hint of what Mordred was thinking at the moment.
Was he disillusioned with Artoria for failing to uphold justice? Disappointed? Furious?
Sure, his words and tone were far less harsh than they'd been when he'd last seen the pair speak, but that honestly wasn't saying much...
And more importantly, how was he supposed to steer the conversation from here?
Should he try to encourage a staunch dedication to justice, a blind and fair ideal that the King was meant to uphold?
Or would it be better if he tacitly acknowledged the humanity behind Artoria's actions, hypocritical though they may have been?
Should he risk eroding Mordred's respect for Arthur (a notion he'd literally never even considered a possibility, let alone a real concern, before two weeks ago), out of the desire to not see another Pendragon heir repress their humanity and emotions for the throne's sake?
As the silence began to stretch on, and Kay's internal debate intensified, Mordred quietly asked a question: "Then... did Father not pardon Jau- my squire, because he did not like him?"
Kay could only blink as he processed Mordred's words, utterly blindsided by both the direction his thoughts had gone in as well as the fact that Mordred had actually brought up his squire.
Hadn't Artoria said it was a very sensitive topic and to never mention Mordred's squire in front of him?
Then he shook his head, and quickly refuted Mordred's misassumptions: "What, no, no, that definitely didn't have anything to do with it; if anything, Arthur had nothing but praise for your squire."
"Then why?" Mordred pressed, remembering the weeks of suspicion Jaune had been forced to endure, treated by others like a criminal. Sure, Father had said back then that he hadn't believed the accusations at all, but...
"Why wasn't your squire simply pardoned?" Kay guessed.
Mordred nodded.
Kay took a moment to think about it, before patiently explaining: "Well, if I had to bet... it's probably because Arthur believed in your squire's innocence, and felt that there was thusly no wrongdoing to excuse.
"Consider Lancelot's and Guinevere's case - their crimes are clear as day, and there are none who doubt their guilt. Even if Arthur may have forgiven their treachery, their honor remains forever stained, and their reputations marred.
"Compared to that, allowing your squire to be tried by our laws and have his innocence conclusively proven, which Arthur probably believed the most-likely outcome, would have cleared his name without any further controversy."
"I see..." Mordred nodded again, this time both in understanding and approval. "So it's all because my squire did nothing wrong after all..."
Kay wasn't sure he'd go quite that far, but Artoria had mentioned being completely confident that John had, at the very least, held no ill intentions towards her or Camelot, and more importantly this was the first time Mordred was actually engaging in a conversation with him; there was absolutely no way he could pass this chance up!
"And speaking of your squire..." Kay innocently changed the subject. "Did you know he had a hand in Lancelot's pardon?"
"He did?" Mordred leaned forward, taking the bait.
"Apparently Arthur asked for his assistance in preparing for a private confrontation with Lancelot and Guinevere at first," Kay nonchalantly recounted, "and when that option became unavailable, he used his prior aid to craft Lancelot's pardon."
Instead of the pride he'd have expected, however, Mordred's tone was tinged with a trace of dissatisfaction as he remarked: "Huh... he never told me anything about it, though..."
Kay mentally revised his prior assessment of Mordred's relationship with his squire; evidently, the two had been close enough that Mordred found the idea that John had kept a secret from him displeasing.
That... wasn't exactly common of the average relationship between a knight and his squire, but neither was it unheard of.
It certainly wasn't what he'd expected from Mordred, however, and a wild suspicion began to nag at him once more.
He ignored it for the time being, however, lacking anywhere near enough evidence to even entertain it for the time being; it would have been much easier to simply explain it all with acknowledging that Mordred and John were not common knights and squires.
Of course, he communicated exactly none of these thoughts to Mordred, and instead kept his voice level as he quickly explained: "Well, Arthur said he requested your squire's silence on the matter..."
"And an Arc never goes back on his word," Mordred mused nostalgically, the bittersweet smile on her face hidden even to her. Well, she supposed that answered the question of why Father had kept seeking Jaune out in the weeks between her finding out that Arthur was really her Father and Gareth's knighting ceremony.
And while she still wasn't exactly thrilled to find out that he'd kept it a secret from her on Father's orders, that it had concerned Lancelot's and Guinevere's treachery made it at least understandable. And considering how he'd helped her and Father reconcile somewhat (before Father had allowed him to leave without telling her, of course), it did alsl make sense that Father would trust her squire with such a task.
(It also helped that Kay had explained that Father hadn't abandoned Jaune (though she still didn't like that she hadn't been allowed to go after him), and that Jaune had done it for Father (and not, say, Gareth).)
Kay, for his part, barely suppressed the thoughtful frown that almost crossed his face, and his brows still furrowed despite his best efforts.
Fond exasperation was certainly not uncommon, but there seemed to be a little bit too much longing in Mordred's tone to be proper.
Well, there was only one way to find out.
"So..." Kay casually began. "Your squire... John Arc, right? Can you tell me more about him?"
Sure, Artoria had told him not to bring it up... but she could hardly blame him if Mordred mentioned his squire first, right?
"Yeah, Jaune Arc!" Mordred nodded rapidly, and as Kay took a mental note of the slightly-different pronunciation (sounded vaguely French to him, though Artoria had said he was from a land beyond the Old Empire's borders), Mordred eagerly began to tell Kay all about him.
By the time the conversation ended (and it only ended because a fearful page boy had been sent to remind them that the cooks wished to retire for the night), a stiffly-smiling Kay found himself no closer to having his suspicions alleviated (but a lot closer to being confirmed), and in desperate need of a strong drink.
-FOREST, SOMEWHERE IN CENTRAL ENGLAND, AROUND THE SAME TIME-
As Jaune absently swung his sword left and right, he couldn't help but dwell on the rumors he'd heard, when he'd passed through the market in the town to the South earlier in the day.
Sure, he knew just how much he should trust rumors, having grown up with seven sisters and all, but Arthur's Knights of the Round Table were all viewed as heroes, even as far out as here, and most of what he'd heard in his travels had been nothing but praise.
Which was why, when he'd heard people whispering that Lancelot had gone mad and murdered scores of knights in Camelot, including Agravain, before fleeing justice, he hadn't been able to stop himself from pausing and doubling back, trying to listen for more details.
In the end, though, they'd been nothing more than the usual reliable "he said she said" or "a friend of a friend of a friend", and so he'd promptly dismissed them, and had since been busy focusing more on why and how such absurd rumors could have even started.
Sure, when he'd left Camelot he definitely hadn't been able to exactly say he liked Agravain as a person anymore, but he was still Sir Mordred's older brother, and Jaune definitely wouldn't say he wanted to see him dead of all things.
And while Lancelot may have been having an affair with the Queen, Arthur had made it clear that things were a lot more complicated than they'd looked. Moreover, while he was reasonably sure Lancelot could take on multiple knights at once and win, he just couldn't imagine Lancelot actually butchering his fellow knights and comrades-in-arms.
Belatedly realizing that the clearing around him was still, Jaune sighed and lowered his sword, mentally berating himself for paying so much attention to vague and unreliable rumors.
Sure, he wanted to know how his friends in Camelot were doing, but with the way the rumor mill was churning, for all he knew the next thing he heard would be something utterly absurd and unbelievable, like Lancelot's next victim being Gareth or something!
No, next time he'd make sure to remember to take anything he heard with lots of salt.
In the meantime, though...
Jaune scanned his surroundings, mentally noting the number of dead bears around him.
The first time a village had asked him to help them clear out some predators that had moved into a forest, he'd been expecting something more like the Addanc, rather than, well... something that felt closer to pest control.
Frankly, boars, wolves, and bears had absolutely nothing on Boarbatusks, Beowolves and Ursai Major; if anything, he almost found them cute and cuddly...
Well, at least this village probably wouldn't have to worry about wild animals for a while.
He, on the other hand, had to figure out how to dispose of a dozen bear corpses.
... would the village mind if he cooked up some bear meat for them?
Notes: Something something hate dialogue something something loathe dialogue something something cover dialogue in pitch set it on fire and kick it into the Grand Canyon something something my next story will only have mute characters something something.
We've previously seen Kay as the sarcastic and bitter older brother watching his younger sister work herself to death; now enjoy Kay as the awkward uncle trying to figure out how to get his nephew to actually engage in a conversation with him, as well as learning... well, anything about him (such as whether or not "he's" actually his niece).
Mordred, meanwhile, gets to learn about this little thing called "empathy". And before anybody brings it up, while FIIIP!Mordred has thus far never been particularly self-absorbed or cruel (just petty and childish at worst), as mentioned before her extremely-stunted upbringing (thanks, Morgan) has left her very lacking in experience, which means it's definitely not easy for her to contextualize and understand how people are feeling from their point of view.
To be fair, though, she barely even understands how she feels most of the time.
Anyway, as you may have noticed in the past few chapters, however, she's actually slowly getting the hang of it... namely by projecting herself and her squire onto others. Somehow I doubt that any of this is going to end well...
Also, ironically enough, when Artoria mentioned fearing that Kay would learn about Jaune from less-objective sources than her, I'm pretty sure she was referring to the people who were suspicious of Jaune, like Gawain, rather than... well... Mordred...
On a side note, one of the earlier drafts of this chapter had Kay finding out about Mordred's true sex in it already, beginning with Kay asking Mordred if she can piss standing up, Mordred blinking in confusion, Kay outright asking if Mordred has a manhood, Mordred laughing and saying something along the lines of "of course not, silly! Doesn't the manhood only grow after puberty?", and finally ending with Kay essentially getting a stroke. But it just didn't fit with the tone of the chapter, and so I scrapped it (also, Mordred may be naive, but not knowing the difference between boys and girls is probably a bit too ignorant, even for her. Of course, there's also a difference between knowing on an academic/intellectual level, and actually understanding it...).
As for the Jaune snippet... like I said, this arc isn't going to be focused too much on what Jaune's up to, as its focus lies instead on how Camelot has changed thanks to both his appearance and his absence. So, instead, here's a small segment showing Jaune living his best life as a wandering knight and hero, utterly unaware of how bad things have gotten.
And to be fair, why would he believe that things got worse while he was gone?
As far as he knew, when he left, the King had already prepared to address Lancelot's affair with Guinevere, which nobody else knew about, and public opinion was firmly against him.
How would he have been able to know that Agravain was aware of the affair, that Agravain would blow the lid on it a few days after his departure, while the King had been too focused on minimizing the damage to him to talk to Lancelot and Guinevere, or that Lancelot would murder Agravain?
Similarly, as far as he knew, Sir Mordred was a man, a Knight of the Round Table, at most a year younger than Gareth, a reliable mentor and close friend despite being slightly immature, hot-headed, and emotionally-stunted due to his rough upbringing, and had mostly reconciled with King Arthur.
As far as he knew, Sir Mordred was not a girl with much, much, much less life experience than her physical age would otherwise imply, who'd latched onto him simply for being her first and only friend (to say nothing of being the first and only person up to that point in her life to show her some faith), whose attachment had only grown even stronger after having been thoroughly disillusioned of Artoria by Artoria and comforted by him (such that she was pretty much willing to cut ties with Agravain, one of the only other people who'd been aware of her actual identity, becauue of Jaune), or that his departure ultimately created a massive rift in her relationship with Artoria.
Also, just to remind people, in this era the main method of communication is the courier. More over, while Imperial Rome had a pretty good courier service, Rome has already fallen, and abandoned Britain (though Lucius Tiberius might want to change that). In other words, long-distance communications are slow and unreliable at best, which is why Jaune is only now hearing about Lancelot's murder of Agravain (and promptly dismissing it, since... well... look above).
(And how Lancelot managed to find out about the attempts on Guinevere's life while in hiding within a week of them happening (with Artoria's departure) is probably a question people should be asking).
Anyway, don't expect anything anytime soon; at most, I might post some non-canon snippets on the SpaceBattles forum to celebrate the fic's birthday on the 16th of Jan (but I definitely won't be able to finish a full-length omake in time, which is why AO3 and FFN won't get them yet).