2Authors note - if you want the uncensored version of this, it's on my AO3. This one is carefully changed to meet the requirements, because I'm too much of a goody two shoes to post something that's too drastically against the TOS. If that kind of content interests you, really, go over to my AO3. I've got a One Piece story you'll just love.
Wren had never been what you'd call a good sleeper. She'd had too many years of rough sleeping, of stakeouts and missions in enemy territory, of being both predator and prey to ever truly rest.
To allow herself to be completely unguarded.
So the moment the door to her room creaked open, the dark void left in its presence filled with broad shoulders, she had her hand on her gun; ready to fire. Ready to take out whatever imperial sympathiser had come for her.
No.
She softened with a sigh, sagging back down into the mattress for a moment; her groan filling the small room. She let it echo into the darkness before rising and shaking her head with humour; holding the covers to her chin as she moved to preserve some modicum of modesty.
"Din, don't sneak into armed people's rooms in the night" she huffed, leaning across and switching on the small lamp. It was dim but did the job, casting wide shadows across the room and bringing the shining bescar of his helmet to life - having previously only been a void in the encompassing darkness. He didn't move, simply lingered in the threshold - and she rubbed at her sleep-crusted eyes with a grimace.
"Din, you're not a vampire, you don't need to be invited in - come in "
For a moment she wondered if he was leaving. If he'd decided overnight that he couldn't do this, that he'd made a mistake in the heat of battle allowing himself a small amount of emotional intimacy - but as she blinked away her tiredness she realised only his helmet was reflecting the lamplight; otherwise, he was soft, clothed in the pyjamas she'd left in his room. Loose-fitting trousers and a tighter t-shirt; the cotton clinging to the wide plains of his chest in a way she quite enjoyed in the low light.
The juxtaposition was jarring, though if she had to be woken up at…she glanced at the clock, three in the morning, at least she'd been woken by low-slung trousers and a deliciously tight top.
"Din, are you okay?"
"I…" his voice crackled through the modulator. She wanted to fire questions, to ask if he couldn't sleep, if he was injured, to dart around him like a hummingbird, but forced herself to simply sit there in silence, to let him speak when he was ready.
She could feel her eyelids grow heavy but blinked away the fatigue. He obviously wanted, or needed something, if it couldn't wait until morning - she could hardly fall asleep whilst he tried to pour his heart out.
"I'll be leaving tomorrow, with the Kid"
Wren nodded, trying to fight the sadness that pooled in her stomach. How many years would it be this time, until they saw each other again?
"Okay. If you think that's for the best. You're welcome to stay as long as you need though, as long as you want"
"Thank you"
They lapsed into silence. Earlier, downstairs, it had been comfortable…but now it felt cloying and awkward.
"Din, was there a reason you came to my room?"
There was no point beating around the bush - she was exhausted, and half sitting up whilst an incredibly awkward man loomed in her doorway wasn't exactly how Wren had pictured her nocturnal activities going. She tried to sound gentle but knew she'd failed as she heard the words leave her. Years of social living weren't quite enough to stamp all the isolated behaviours out of her, and keeping her voice soft was still on her 'to master' list.
"Can I lay with you?"
He said it slowly, almost reservedly; and each syllable was measured and precise. There was no rush, no sudden exhalation of words, blurring together…she blinked, swallowing heavily. Did he mean…or was this innocent?
She wasn't fully dressed. Wasn't dressed at all, really. She'd had one of those nights where her tired, sore body had refused to switch off. The cuffs of her trousers had felt too tight, the slight raise of one trouser leg driving her mind to distraction. The cut of her sleep shirt refusing to lay comfortably.
She'd stripped down, glad for the warm weather, and had crashed to unconsciousness the moment her head hit the pillow; distractions gone.
But if he wanted to come lay with her…she'd have to get re-dressed. But if he meant it in…the other way, and she said 'let me put some clothes on', she'd essentially be taking sex off the table, and she…
Well, she didn't want to push for it, but didn't want to take away the option, either.
Fuck.
"I…" she hesitated, tired brain tripping over words, the opposite of his perfect composure.
It was the wrong thing to say.
He turned and left, wordless.
"Din, wait!"
He didn't stop, she didn't know if he was walking or waiting, his stupid, perfectly balanced steps silent down the hallway, but she groaned, grabbing one of the blankets that lay slumped at the end of her bed and trying to run after him, tripping over the trousers she'd wiggled off before sleeping.
"Din, wait!" She called again, kicking away the fabric and chasing him down the corridor. Skutting stars he was fast, why was he so fast?
She finally grabbed him by the back of the sleep shirt, smacking her hand against the wide, strong expanse of his back.
"I said wait"
She stepped back as he turned, the floor cold against her bare feet even in the summer warmth. Looking down, she realised his were bare too and distantly realised the sight of them was almost…erotic. She'd never been a foot person before, but there was something about the perfectly ordinary limb that felt sinful, considering how much of his skin he always kept covered.
"I wasn't saying no, Din"
"I was too forward, I shouldn't have woken you"
"I just didn't know exactly what you were asking, and-"
He finally lifted his face to look at her as he cut her off. "It was rude of me. I'm…sorry. I'm going back to my room and I'll see you tomorrow"
Sod it.
She dropped the blanket.
The moonlight was coming through the side window and likely hitting her at all the wrong angles, but she gestured down. "This is why I hesitated, you big dummy. I'm not fucking dressed!"
"Oh"
His voice crackled a little, only heightened by the modulator.
"Were you asking whether you could sleep next to me, or were you asking whether you could sleep with me"
"I don't know"
He didn't know?
He didn't know?
She wanted to scream at him.
He woke her up in the middle of the night to say he was leaving tomorrow, and could he come in and sleep with her and didn't know how he meant it? What was he thinking, that he'd palm a breast then roll over to sleep, or that they'd cuddle up and drift back off, but she'd be woken up by an erection between her cheeks when he decided he wanted her an hour or two later?
A woman could only be woken up so many times in the night before losing her mind!
"I wanted to…feel you" His voice finally cracked, and he rocked slightly as if unsure whether to step forward or back. It had cooled, and she was dimly aware her nipples were peaked below the slim camisole she'd kept on.
"Am I putting more clothes on, or not, Din?"
"What do you want?"
Oh no, he was not turning this around onto her.
"Din, I'd climb you like a tree. But if you're not ready for that, if you just want to hold each other that's fine too. I've just realised though I've probably made you uncomfortable, let me grab the blanket and wait outside and I'll find something more comfortab-"
She'd been rambling, and the words drifted off as his hand found her waist, firm.
"I want that too"
4 words. 4 little words and all at once the night chill didn't exist at all. No, there was only the flaming heat of her own blood under her skin, only the soft sound of his bare feet shuffling forward against the rug. Only the sensation of his bescar against her forehead.
As close to a kiss as Mando's got.
She'd grown to love kissing since removing her helmet, but there was something so intimate about his forehead against hers, the kind of intimacy she'd always imagined when she was younger.
His hands skimmed down towards the flare of her hips, simply holding her there for a moment before pressing her firmly against his front. He was smaller without his boots, without the thick soles all Mandalorians wore, but it just meant they fit together better. That she didn't have to crane her neck so much to keep pressing her face against his helmet, that she could feel his chest against hers - that she didn't feel too tiny against him.
"Come to bed with me, Din"
Her words were gentle, as if all the softness she'd tried for earlier had saved itself for just this moment, this perfect; years-in-the-making moment. This wasn't like one of the many, many romance novels she'd collected and practically consumed over the years, where they'd fall into the room laughing, lips never parting, no - this was a calm, sensible walk. One full of fluttering nerves and pent-up anticipation, where he followed behind her back into the comfortable bedroom she'd built for herself, picking up the abandoned blanket as he passed.
She caught the action from the corner of her eye and smiled, he always had been neat, hadn't he?
He didn't push her onto the bed, caging her in with his body; instead, he lingered almost awkwardly as she sat on the bed, not moving forward until she patted the mattress; and even then he stopped to fold the blanket and lay it gently on the end of the bed before joining her, finding her hand and holding it in the honeyed light of the small bedside lamp. Wren lifted those entwined fingers and kissed them gently, squeezing his hand to let him know this was alright, to reassure him that she wanted to be there.
"I've always-"
"I know" she interrupted, not sure she could handle such heartfelt emotions without bursting into tears - as she almost had earlier. "Me too"
It was his turn to laugh, now. "I'm a grown man, but I feel like a nervous teen all over again"
She shook her head and told him to stop thinking, to just lay back and join her. Smiled as he did, just a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth. They were both grown, both likely experienced - longing didn't equal chastity, after all, but she felt the same. Felt all those years of wishing and hoping bubbling within her.
It was odd. When she'd been younger she'd only ever pictured the helmet, pressed against her own -faceless. But now she'd experienced life without, there was a guilty part of her that longed for more, longed to see his face. Was he blushing, as she was? Would he bite his lip or gasp, slack-jawed?
There was no point longing for the impossible, though. She'd save those thoughts for her daydreams, when she would no doubt return to this moment again and again.
For now, under the cocoon of darkness, they could finally experience what she'd wanted so long ago. What they'd both wanted, so long ago. That still felt...impossible. That he'd wanted her for as long as she'd wanted him. Right now though, she selfishly just wanted to kiss him so badly.
Instead, she pressed her lips to his chest, glad for her extra flexibility as it allowed her to explore the hard, glorious plains of his chest. He was such a strong Mandalorian. She could see it, plain as day - etched into each healed wound. He'd fought hard for his life, for his purpose.
Together, they'd have been unstoppable. She should have been there for each of these wounds. Should have been the one to seal them up, to prevent them from happening in the first place. She'd asked, she'd begged to be paired with him…and had been refused, time and time again.
It was unfair…
Her mind reeled though, as she pressed her lips to his heated skin, almost absentmindedly kissing the salt of him as her mind worked overtime. If they'd been together, she'd have never experienced her wonderful, blessed life. She'd not have her ladies, outside. She wouldn't have her cantina, or her friends.
But she'd have had this , as often as she liked.
His hands caught her upper arms, stilling her in an instant. "Do you want to stop?"
"What?"
Her voice was thick with emotion, and confusion in equal measure.
"You're crying"
It wasn't a question, but a statement, and she huffed at her own idiocy.
"No, I absolutely don't want to stop, I just need to stop thinking "
She could hear the childish whine in her voice, but Din didn't care, pressing his hands to the mattress and pushing himself backwards until he sat upright against her headboard, looking right into her eyes.
He was calm as a cucumber, voice impossibly caring and concerned. "About what?"
She was ruining everything. This was supposed to be sexy, and here she was both mourning a life she could have had, and the one she would have lost if she'd gotten it. She said both aloud, rubbing at her eyes angrily with the heel of her hand.
"That's just how life works, Wren" he finally said, moving to wrap his arms around her, to press her to his chest. "Every choice matters. The Kid, your cantina, your friends here. If you'd stayed with me, if we'd…spoken…back then. I don't know what would have changed. I could have lost you in battle. I…wouldn't know what you looked like"
She bit her lip, glad her face was pressed against his chest. He was warm and smelled comforting - like bescar oil and her soap.
"There's a very selfish part of me that wants to know what you look like, in return" she muttered, wishing she could take the words back as soon as they were out. It seemed like 3 am was the time for all confessions, for all emotions to come to the surface.
She felt his hands move, heard the first hiss of his helmet clasp opening and gasped along with it, surging up to hold it in place. His chin was showing, a bottom lip just within grasp and she shook her head.
"No, Din. Just because I want it, doesn't mean this is the right moment for it. One day, if you truly want to take it off, I'll be here. But don't break your creed for this, okay?"
She tucked in low and pressed her lips against his bottom lip. Not a true kiss, not by a mile, but enough. She pressed the helmet back down alongside him, then pressed those lips right to his helmet, over where she knew they rested, beneath.
"Do you want to stop?" he repeated, squeezing the soft flesh at the small of her waist, and she shook her head.
"No, Din, I just want to feel you"
"Then we can, Wren"