17I decided to walk home. Drew argued with me, insisting on driving me home, but I convinced him that I just needed the fresh air. It was only a twenty minute walk anyway. So I'm walking, past the park, which is empty and completely pitch black as I look out over it, turning the corner and-
I bump into a person standing by the fence and stumble back, almost falling onto the concrete. Embarrassment floods over my whole body, and I'm scrambling to regain my balance so I can apologise profusely when he speaks.
"We have to stop running into each other like this." It's Ash. The tingling sensation spreads over my body again. He's smiling down at me, completely unbothered by it all. I feel my face heat up and quickly turn away.
"I'm sorry," I say, but he just smiles brighter.
"It's fine. Are you headed home?"
"Yeah, are you?"
He nods. "I'll walk you." We start walking side by side.
"Where did you live before here?"
"A small town. You wouldn't have heard of it."
"Mysterious, huh?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "Must be hard leaving your hometown," I say, my mind trailing off. I wonder if I'd be okay doing it. I feel guilty for thinking it, but I think I'd be okay without Drew. It's Dawn I wonder about. We've been friends almost our whole lives. She's my other half. The thought pains me a little.
"It's not so bad," he shrugs. "This place seems nice."
It's my turn to shrug. "Sure, if you like boring towns with nothing to do, it's nice." He laughs a little, and my heart flutters, and I don't know why. He's about to say something, when a crash of loud thunder makes me jump and squeak, and he puts out his hand and rests it on my arm to calm me. "Wow, that was loud."
He nods his head at the sky and I look up to see that while I wasn't paying attention great grey storm clouds have dominated the sky. I open my mouth to speak, but before the words come out the sky opens up, and the rain falls so heavy it's the only sound I can hear, the only thing I can feel. Ash grabs my hand and starts running towards a pavilion in the park. By the time we're under it he's dropped my hand, and I'm already soaking, wet hair sticking to my neck and cheeks. I look up at him, his wet hair stuck to his forehead, and laugh.
"You're laughing at me," he says, but he's smiling. I shake my head.
"No, I would never, I mean-" I laugh again, cutting myself off. He laughs too, and when we stop I wander over to a bench and sit on it, looking out across the street. I can barely see through the rain, and the sky lights up every few seconds with lightning. A summer storm, and we're stuck in the middle of it. "I'll call my mom, ask for a lift."
I reach inside the back pocket of my jeans and pull out my phone, tilt it up but it doesn't light up. Dead. Of course it's dead. I lean over and place my forehead on it, trying not to laugh again at the ridiculousness of this whole situation. I sense Ash beside me, sitting down.
"Dead? Well, to make things worse, I don't have mine," he says. "We could run? Or wait for it to pass."
It would probably pass quickly, and even though we were basically strangers still, it somehow wasn't awkward to sit beside him, even in silence. "Wait for it to pass?" I say, turning to him, and he shrugs, nodding. We sit in silence for another few seconds.
"So, what's your story?" He asks, and I know he's asking about Drew without asking directly about him. I throw my head back and sigh, wondering how much information to give away. I barely know him, and yet I have to stop myself from spouting out everything.
"Eighteen. Don't have a clue what I want to do with my life. Dating a guy that I argue with all the time."
"Why don't you leave him?" He asks, and it's so bold that my jaw drops open a little and I say "who?" even though it's dumb and I know exactly who. Ash is pulling a face like he feels sorry for me, and I hate it.
"I… We're alright. He's my boyfriend."
He doesn't look convinced, but he nods anyway. "I had a girlfriend back in my hometown."
"Had?"
He nods. "Lyra. It was fine until I told her I had to move. I caught her with my friend, Silver."
"I'm so sorry." There's nothing else I can say, because that sounds awful. I can't even imagine the pain of finding your partner with someone else, betraying you like that. He shakes his head, and I notice he's smiling.
"Don't be. I caught her, and it made me realise I didn't even like her all that much. It wasn't… It wasn't really a real relationship. It was just a friendship with another label stuck over the top of it. We barely even kissed, and we dated for a year."
Just like Drew and I. I bite my lip to stop myself admitting that I'm the same. If I caught Drew with another girl, would I come to this grand realisation like Ash? I mentally shake myself. Of course I wouldn't. I actually like Drew. I do.
Ash accidentally brushes his knee against mine and I bristle, not uncomfortably, but in shock, because I don't understand what's drawing me to him. Sure, he's hot, but when I dare to look up at him, he's looking back at me with an intensity I wasn't expecting, and it knocks the breath right out of me. We've barely known each other for two days, it's ridiculous, but if I'm being honest… I'm getting the feeling I'm supposed to get with Drew. The feeling that would be the solution to our whole problem. I'm riddled with guilt and disgust at myself, and I turn away quickly, wondering what's wrong with me, realising I'm not broken, I am capable of feeling that way, but why now?
The rain stops just as suddenly as it started. A short summer shower. The air feels clearer, less heavy, but I feel just as heavy. I stand up suddenly and brush myself off. "Looks like it stopped."
Ash nods. "Better get back before it starts again." He sticks his hands in his pockets and walks alongside me. There's something mysterious about him, some weird energy flowing from him, and it sounds crazy but that's just how it feels. I can't ignore it.
"Your friend invited me to her party this weekend," Ash speaks up after a minute, snapping me out of my trance. At first I'm confused, but then I realise he means Dawn. Dawn has a party at the end of the first week of school every year. She lives in what can only be described as a mansion, and her mom works all the time, is always out of town, leaving Dawn on her own. The party usually gets a bit crazy, lasts well into the next morning, and is the talk of the whole school for weeks after. Last year someone set fire to the forest behind her house. She caught two people having sex in her bathroom. I'd gone home long before any of that happened. Except this year, Dawn had begged me to stay longer already, and I'd promised I'd try.
"Are you gonna go?" I ask. He shrugs.
"Should I?"
"Yeah," I say quickly. "You should."
"Alright." His lips twitch up into a smile it seems like he's trying to hide. "I'll be there, then."
We turn the corner onto our street soon after, and reach Ash's house first. I give a little wave as he heads inside and then feel my whole body relax. I hadn't even realised I was so tense. I barely greet my mom when I open the door to my house, just head right up the stairs and throw myself down on my bed. It's only after I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes that I realise I need to charge my phone. When the screen finally lights up again I reach for it and check my messages. None. Drew didn't even text to see if I got home okay.
Lying in bed at 10pm, I jump when my phone goes off beside me. I'm exhausted from the forced family meal that consisted of my mom asking too many questions about school, about Drew, and even about Ash. I'd almost fallen asleep, and I pat my hand along the covers, feeling for my phone. I hold it up above me, the brightness blinding for a moment, but when my eyes adjust, I see the text is from an unsaved number.
Hey, it's Ash, just in case you ever need my number, like idk why you would but just in case
I re-read it a few times, then sigh and throw my phone back down without answering. I can't reply right now, not when my mind is spinning about Drew. And Ash… Ash seems like the sharp blade of a beautiful sword, or a knife. I want to reach out and touch it. It's shine is drawing me in, even though I know the moment I do, I'll cut myself. It'll only hurt in the end.
I don't know what's happening, and I don't know if I'm awake or sleeping, but it's dark, and I think I'm standing up but I can't be sure. I reach out, feeling for a wall, anything, but my hands only find air. I'm about to call out for anybody when a flicker of light in the distance grabs my attention. I'm in a hallway, a long hallway, and a single candle is lit at the end, the flame licking and dancing in the air. I freeze up. Something's very wrong. When I listen closely, I can hear a chorus of whispers, like a hundred people trying to be heard at once. Tears are streaming down my cheeks but I don't make a sound as someone steps in front of the candle- a man, blocking out the light, wearing a mask. I can't move as he starts to approach me, his footsteps so loud, and the whispers getting louder.
He's close now, I can hear him breathing, but then the whispers turn into frantic shouts, but they don't make any sense. I can't make out a single word amongst it all. I try to scream but my mouth won't even open, and I must be paralysed because I can't run. I can't move at all. Right as he comes up to me, towering over me, I drop to my knees. They hit the ground hard, but I don't care. I look up and see a single lock of purple hair fall out from under the mask. I'm going to die. It'll all be over soon.
I wake with a gasp, and choke for air, my eyes shooting wide open. My chest is rising and falling in sheer panic, and then it hits me. I'm outside. I'm in the backyard of my house, kneeling in the grass. The moon is bright high in the sky. Something's happening to me. I feel strange, not myself. All my limbs are tingling, my chest is on fire. It feels like someone's reaching inside me and twisting everything at once. Completely terrified, I start to scream.
I think I'm going crazy, and it's the only thought in my head as I head to school. Mom tried to get me to stay home so she could keep an eye on me, but sitting in my bedroom all day sounds like a nightmare right now. She found me in the garden just minutes after I started screaming and dragged me inside the house. It was 3am. She had to hold me for ten minutes before I stopped crying. I never went back to sleep. Something was different. I probably woke up because my knees hit the grass hard, she'd said. I'd been sleepwalking. It was crazy, but it felt like there was more to it than that. I'd never been a sleepwalker, and when I woke… It felt like a jolt went through my whole body. Like a bullet had pierced through my chest and come out the other side, just for a second.
I can't tell anyone that. I can't tell anyone that every sense of mine feels heightened now, like I could pick up on the faintest of sounds, of smells… A thrum of energy moving through my whole body, making me feel more alive than I ever had… Well, that is just insane.
My mind is distracted, which is why I don't notice the squad of police cars until I'm almost right beside them. Then I freeze, taking in the scene before me. Hundreds of students are gathered around, trying to peer over each other for a look at something. Some are crying. Someone's screaming. The police officers are holding up their arms, telling everyone to back off, trying to get everyone away.
I notice Drew in the crowd. As I do he turns to me, moving his shoulder just enough to reveal the scene in front of him. My hand flies up to my mouth as I catch the briefest glimpse, but it's enough. It's enough for me to see it's a body, dashed across the brick steps that lead up to the main doors. Blood everywhere. My head spins, and I'm light-headed. I stumbled back, only to be caught by strong hands.
"May, are you alright?" It's Ash, but my mind can't form words right now.
"May," Drew says too, coming up in front of me. I'm staring blankly ahead. I can't focus on anything. He puts his hands on my arms and I let myself fall into his chest.
"What's happening?" Dawn's calling, running up to us. I try to focus on what they're saying. I try to take it in.
"It's the janitor. A student coming in early found him there this morning… They're saying his… Well, they're saying his throat was cut," Drew explains. He sounds like he's going to throw up. I think I might too. "It happened last night."
I make a noise without meaning to, a squeak that I can't control, and everyone's eyes fall on me. It can't be a coincidence. It just can't be. I'm shaking, the tremors taking over my whole body, and Drew guides me away from the group gently.
"I'm taking you home," Drew says. "No one's allowed in today anyway. Not until they figure out what happened. It's not safe."
I don't say anything. I don't move. I just stare ahead. Then, I make myself speak. "Drew… Last night, at 3am, I woke up in my garden, screaming."
Drew scrunches his face up. "In the garden? You mean you were sleepwalking?"
"Yes. No. I don't know," I scramble for words. "But that's fucking weird, right? That they're saying this happened late last night too?"
Realisation falls over Drew's face and he looks at me the exact way I'd hoped he wouldn't. Like he thinks I'm crazy, but also like he pities me. "It's just a weird coincidence then, May. Come on, let me get you home."
Dawn puts her hand on my shoulder as we pass her and Ash. I smile weakly at her, and carry on letting Drew guide me to his car. I notice he's parked beside Ash. He reaches into his pocket for the keys then curses.
"Shit. I left them on the wall. I'll be right back," he says, jogging off to collect his keys. I don't even notice Ash coming up beside me and unlocking his car. I don't look up at him.
"You look terrified," he says. There's something in his tone that makes it seem almost accusatory, and I don't like it. I cross my arms.
"Someone just died on school grounds. I am."
Ash shakes his head. "Not that. I heard you."
I do look up at him then, blinking blankly. "You what?"
"I heard you screaming last night." He stares back at me, his face cold. I feel the blood drain from my face. My heart is pounding so hard against my chest I think he might be able to hear it. I open my mouth to speak, but I don't know what to say; don't understand why he's looking at me this way, his eyes narrowing. Before I find words he opens his car door, gets in, and starts it. He's gone before I realise what's happening.
"Ready?" Drew asks, finally back with the keys. I'm too overwhelmed to do anything but sit in the seat and wait to be home.
I'm aware that it's warm outside, and yet I'm cold down to the bone, so cold it's sending shivers across every inch of my skin. I'm sitting in my living room, on the sofa beside Mom, who's talking across the room to Dad, who has his arm around Max. They're explaining why school's closed for a couple of days. He's home-schooled anyway, so it hardly matters to him, but already his friends have told him about the body.
There's something wrong with her, I hear Mom say, but when I look up her mouth is closed, and she's looking over at me intensely.
"What?" I say, thinking I might have heard her wrong.
"I didn't speak, honey," Mom says, giving me a pitying look. I blink blankly over at her. I know I heard her speak.
My phone starts ringing loudly in my lap and I jump, but it's only Dawn. Grateful for the excuse to leave, I hurry out of the room and pick up once I'm sure they won't be able to hear.
"Hey, are you okay?" Dawn's voice is frantic on the other end of the line. "My mom heard already, she's threatening to come back early from her trip, but I told her not to, or the party would be off."
I want to shout at Dawn for being concerned about her party right now, but I don't have the strength, and I don't think I can deal with the stress of falling out with my best friend, so instead I say "I'm okay. Are you?"
"Mhm. I just don't think I'll ever get that sight out of my head…" I can almost hear her shudder even through the phone. "Do you think we're safe?"
I've been wondering the same thing. We live in a relatively small town. There'd been no major crime here in the whole of my life. Nothing more than petty thievery, and even that was rare, mostly teenagers trying to steal alcohol. A murder like this… Well, they probably weren't even equipped for it. Until they find the murderer, I don't think anyone will feel safe again. "I hope so."
Ash's words come flooding back to me suddenly. They're bothering me, the way he spoke them, the look in his eye as he said it… I have to figure out why he said it. Just as I think it, a knock sounds at the door, and I'm the closest to it. I tell Dawn I have to go and barely let her say bye before I hang up and pull it open. It's Drew. He's barely been home an hour.
"I just wanted to check up on you," he says, and I feel warm affection for him in the way I do when his kind actions make me forget his less kind ones. I let him sweep me up into a hug.
Don't grope her you moron, Drew's voice washes over me so fast that I jerk away, and he raises a puzzled eyebrow at me. What's wrong with her?
Now I'm certain. I just heard him speak, and yet his mouth was closed. I'm going crazy. I'm really going crazy.
"May?"
I snap out of it, and force a smile. "I'm fine. Just a little shook up, I guess. Any news?"
Drew would know if they'd discovered anything. After all, his dad is the sheriff. He shakes his head, and I'm disappointed. "They're busy trying to figure out if any of the blood isn't his… Isn't the janitor's. If it isn't all his, they'll have something to go off. Otherwise, there isn't much. They left no evidence."
Realising we're still at the door, I invite Drew in, and call to my mom that we're going upstairs. We head up into my room, and he switches my TV on, huddles under the covers with me, and holds me tight to his chest. It's warm, and for a minute I feel at ease, like I could forget what had happened the night before, what I'd seen that morning. Overcome with exhaustion, I let myself fall asleep on his chest, his arm tight around me.
When I wake, I have no idea how much time has passed, but the TV has turned itself off, and Drew is asleep beside me, his arm still around me, the other in my hair. The silence is a little unnerving, but I don't move. He looks peaceful, and I don't want to wake him. I don't want to be awake myself. I close my eyes and try to drift back off, but it becomes clear that I'm awake as can be now, and there's no getting back to sleep. Sighing slightly, I look for the remote and notice it's across the bed, and I can't get it without disturbing Drew.
I curse in my head and raise my hand gently to rub my forehead, when the remote lifts off the bed and flies into my hand. I bite back my yelp but immediately drop it and stare in horror. What the fuck. What the fuck.
My mouth agape, I sit up, stirring Drew awake. My hands are trembling in front of me. Am I still sleeping? Drew's eyes flutter open and take in the sight of me staring at a TV remote. "Am I sleeping?" I ask, blinking.
"No?" Drew says, and sits up. I flop back against the pillows behind me, still staring at the remote. Drew places the back of his hand on my forehead then quickly withdraws it. "You're burning up. I'm going to get your mom."
He's gone before I can protest and returns with her in tow. They both agree I must have caught a cold while I was out the night before, and she fusses over me, making me get into bed, bringing me hot tea, tucking me in like I'm a small child. I let her because it makes her feel better, and because my mind is absolutely whirring. She lets Drew say goodbye before ushering him out, announcing that I needed rest.
The door closes behind them, and I'm alone in the silence with my thoughts. A wild exhilaration runs through me as I think about what happened, along with a deep, deep fear. Sitting up amongst all the pillows I've been placed upon, I focus my eyes on my phone, sitting on the dressing table across the room. At first, nothing happens. Then I focus, and it feels like I'm pulling on something I can't explain, can't describe, and the phone moves across the desk, scraping on it until it's over the edge, but it doesn't fall. It moves right through the air to me. So, I wasn't imagining it.
I'm breathing heavily as it settles in my outstretched palm. I sit silently. Then I laugh. A wild, animal-like noise. I can't form rational thoughts. I can't think of anything but what I've just done. It isn't possible, and yet…
I pause. I want to scream it, want to show this off, but I stop myself. Can I even tell anyone about this? I stand quickly, the movement making me dizzy, and hold out my hand. The book that I was looking at floats into my hand. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and almost let it drop. My eyes are burning the brightest shade of amethyst. Clutching the book I stop and turn, but my eyes have faded back to blue by the time I can take myself in.
I don't know what this means. What I am. A thick fear is coursing through me, and yet I'm exhilarated, pure adrenaline filling me up. If I can do this, what else can I do?
That night, after I fall asleep, I dream of roses. More roses than I could ever count, as far as my eyes can see. Before we were together, Drew would bring me a rose every single day before school. Every one came with a new compliment, written on a piece of paper tied around the stem. I picked up the one closest to me, reading the little note.
The single freckle on your nose is the cutest.
I drop it into the pile again, and go to pick up another, a smile spreading over my face, but as my fingers find it, they brush against a thorn. It pricks me and I hiss, drawing my hand back. A droplet of blood forms quickly and falls, landing on a petal. Suddenly, the roses are wilting, dying faster than I can keep up with, draining of their colour, until I'm standing in a sea of black, wrinkled corpses. I drop to my knees. The compliments are the only things left, so I reach and pick one up.
I can't wait to get into your pants.
I toss it and pick up another one. How many more of these fucking roses until she lets me fuck her?
I try a third one. Not only am I not getting any, but she's fucking crazy now.
In horror, I look around at the pieces of paper littered around me, each of them with a new truth scribbled across them. I fall down to my knees and start to cry.
I wake up suddenly, icy breath flooding into my lungs. I feel the cold beneath my knees again, and I know what's happening before I come to. I open my eyes, and I'm in the backyard again. My hands are out, hovering over a spot in the grass. When I lift them up, there's a single red rose, grown from the grass, blowing gently in the breeze.
It wasn't there before. I grew it, I realise with a jolt. My hands tremble as my instincts make me twist my head, looking up over the fences, to Ash's house. I freeze, my blood going cold. He's standing in the window, looking back down at me.