582Chapter 1: Meet Xander
This is a fanfic of a fanfic. The original is mjimeyg's, Potter's Protector. Story number 7665632. I've read it a billion times, it's one of my favorites, and have been itching to rewrite it. I recommend that everyone go and read it and the sequels.
If you go to her webpage, on ffn, you will see that she gives blanket permission to do so. I didn't ask for permission since she is agoraphobic and does not want to be contacted in any way. As long as we give credit where credit is due, she gives the all clear. I double checked before I posted this. She, of course, is more than welcome to contact me and tell me how she feels about it.
This fic will be teen rated, because I write that way best. So, some things are going to be taken out, others added. The first two chapters are pretty much the original with added bits. Things start to slowly change and will be drastically different as time goes on. There will be a lot more Buffy the Vampire Slayer references, a lot less inuendo and gore. Mjimeyg went for slap stick comedy, while I'm going for more serious.
There will be bashing in this fic. I hope it is not stupidly so. Snape, Ron, and Dumbledore fans will not like this one. I'm unsure about Molly. In the original she was treated badly, but I might just write her out. I'm still plotting.
I do take comments and suggestions in reviews.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Harry Potter. They are written, published, produced and owned by much richer people than I. I don't even own the original plot. I make no money off this. This will be the disclaimer for the entire story.
DaughterOfIris23 and Dashti-the-dramione-shipper are the betas for this chapter.
HP-BTVS-HP-BTVS
It was Halloween night and Harry James Potter, newly minted wizard, hurried down the hall. He was worried. One of the girls had told him that his new sorta friend, Hermione, was crying in the bathroom, so when he heard about the troll, he left to find her. He'd sent his other friend, Ron, off to find his older brothers while he, Harry, went to get Hermione. He really hoped he wasn't too late. The troll was supposed to be in the basement, so hopefully it would be a simple task. Those thoughts were negated when he heard a scream.
He quickly ran towards the sound. He got to the door of the bathroom and peeked inside. He looked behind him in hopes that an adult had found them and was quite disappointed to realize he was alone. He then turned to look at the huge monster in the bathroom. He had to figure out how to help Hermione. He wasn't sure what he could do, small kid that he was.
That, and the bloody thing was huge!
Still, Hermione was in trouble, so he needed to do something. Maybe distract the beast. Gathering up his Gryffindor courage, Harry flung the door open and ran inside. He yelled as loud as he could to try and distract the troll, then somehow leapt onto the huge beast's back and began pounding away. It didn't hurt the troll at all, probably no more than an annoying mosquito, but at least now the club wasn't aimed at his friend.
The mountain troll paused at his actions, and then he began spinning in circles, attempting to see what was tickling his back; whatever it was, was turning with it. The troll reached behind to try to grab the annoyance, but it was out of reach. Round and round the two went, with neither having any luck.
Harry was hanging on for dear life. His legs flew through the air, while his arms were locked firmly around the troll's neck. The smell was still awful. He didn't think he'd be able to hold his dinner, especially since it was mostly sweets. And eww the dirt and slime on this being's neck was horrible. He might have to take a shower for a week. His wand was stuck in the troll's nose, but he wasn't going to let go to try and get it. The fall might kill him.
Hermione saw her savior, and it looked like he might be in trouble. It was quite foolish of her year mate to try and take on a fully-grown mountain troll. Still, he was doing it for her. So, she gathered her Gryffindor courage and started hurling nearby pieces of porcelain debris at the creature.
"Leave him alone!" she screeched, throwing a piece of the privy at the troll's head. She hit her target, making it turn its attention to her. She quickly grabbed more pieces and threw them at the beast's face, hitting him in the eye. The troll roared at her, but that didn't stop her from throwing more. She still feared for her life, but she wasn't going to let Harry get crushed.
Just when both kids thought all was lost and wondered where the staff was, there was a strange noise. A loud bang and a flash of bright lights came from the only stall still standing.
"What the heck?" a male American voice queried to itself from inside the cubicle. "There are no bathrooms in this cave, or any cave come to think of it. Willow, did you cast a spell? I know you like your luxury, but…" the voice called out as the door opened. "Aw, man. Just my luck. How the hell do I wind up in these messes. And no Buffy either. Anyone want to tell me what's going on?" the tall man with longish brown hair asked. He had a sturdy build, and one eye. The other was covered with a patch, making him look handsomely ruggish.
The three combatants looked at one another. The troll roared, Harry squeaked and fell off its back, and Hermione cried, "Help us, please!" She grabbed Harry and the two went to the corner, hoping the man could take care of the troll. She didn't know who the man was, but he reminded her of Indiana Jones, so she was going to trust that he might know what he's doing. At the very least he might be able to stall until the professors get here.
The man peered at the troll and then he waved his hand in front of his nose. "Dude, you reek," he complained, and then he reached up and ripped the wand from the troll's nose, causing it to whimper. The one-eyed man threw the stick away. Fortunately, towards the two kids.
Harry quickly picked up his wand and pointed it at the troll. He didn't know what he could do, but if he could, he was going to help. Maybe throw an overpowered Lumos or something.
Hermione drew her wand as well. She was far more knowledgeable than Harry. He had wasted most of his time hanging out with Ron and practicing Quidditch. Still, she was sure that the young man was far smarter that he let on. It was little things, like the understanding look that came over his face when the teachers explained something. Though, he never raised his hand to answer.
"Any chance you're gonna walk away peacefully?" the man asked, still wrinkling his nose at the odor.
The troll bellowed in anger at the newcomer.
"Yeah, I thought not," he sighed as he reached over his shoulder, making a sword appear from nowhere. The man sprang into motion as he shot between the beast's legs and sliced at the back of its knees, causing it to topple to the ground, roaring with pain. The large creature had only its arms to hold it up, but the man sliced away at its elbows, causing the troll to fall to the floor. The man then placed the sword back over his shoulder and it vanished. He reached over his other shoulder to make an axe appear. With one single swoop, he chopped the defeated beast's head off. The man placed his axe back over his shoulder, making it vanish just as several of the professors burst into the room. There was no pause as the rescuer made two guns appear from his side, pointing them at the new intruders. His stance was firm, and he wasn't going to let anyone harm the kids.
"What in the name of Merlin is going on in here?" Professor McGonagall demanded, taking in everything with a rapid glance. She sighed with relief at seeing her two lions unharmed but glared suspiciously at the unknown man in the room.
Confused, the outsider looked at the dead troll and the two scared kids and shrugged. "It looks like I am being a hero again. Stupid Scoobies," he grumbled. "And, the next person who pisses me off is going to get what he got," he said seriously, waving one of the guns towards the dead troll.
"Please, professors, he saved us. We tried to fight off the troll, it was just so big, we were about to get crushed, and then he came along and killed it. It was very brave of him," Hermione said as Harry nodded in agreement.
"We do not know who 'he' is, Miss Granger. We do not know if he is friend or foe. 'He' should not be here," Professor McGonagall said primly.
"Back at you, Lady," the still unnamed man stated, not lowering his guns at all. "I have no clue who you are either. Though, the kids seem to know you."
"I am Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster of this school," the elderly man said placatingly. The man had, after all, just killed a mountain troll. "The lady you spoke to is my Deputy, Professor McGonagall. The other two men are Professors Snape and Quirrell."
"I'm Harry, and this is Hermione," Harry politely offered to their savior. He did have manners beat into him, after all.
"This is a school?" the man asked dubiously as he looked around the demolished bathroom.
"One of the finest in the world," Professor McGonagall said proudly, which was rather ironic really after what had just happened.
"Okay, if this is the finest school in the world, then why are these two kids locked in a bathroom with that thing? You guys aren't part of the Council, are you?" he asked, giving them the hairy eyeball. They looked like the old Council, with the calculating look. Plus, the fact that the old guy seemed happy that the kids were here. Like they had passed a test or something. It was something Travers would do. The last thing he needed was to run in to those guys. He thought most those control freaks were dead, but some could have survived the bombing.
"Do not take that tone with me, young man. We were seeing to our duty and escorting the children to safety. Mr. Potter and Miss Granger left the group on their own. It is their foolishness that landed them in trouble," McGonagall declared angrily. While she was relieved to see them unharmed, she never did suffer fools, and only a fool would run around when there was a troll about.
"Since when is taking a leak foolish?" he asked derisively.
"Mind your manners," the black clad greasy-haired man —Snape— snarled.
The man cocked one of his weapons, raised an eyebrow and asked, "Or what?"
"Or I will take away your muggle weapons, and throw you bodily from the castle," Snape growled, raising his wand in the man's direction, only to jump when he heard a loud crack, and a slight wind whistle by his ear. Bits of stone peppered his head, making everyone turn to see a hole in the wall behind the snarky man.
"I'd like to see you try. I can put a hole in your head before you even move. Are you feeling lucky?" the man asked calmly, still not lowering his guns.
Harry dragged Hermione quickly to the corner. It should be safe there. Guns weren't something you messed with.
"This seems to have gotten out of control. Perhaps, we can speak in my office, Mr.…?" Dumbledore stated leadingly.
Xander didn't like the look in the man's eyes. He felt like if he gave the guy and inch, he'd take a mile. "Xander. Just call me Xander," was the curt response.
"Mister Xander… I apologize for the misunderstanding. When we were informed that the children were missing, we did endeavor to find them. As you can see, we arrived a tad too late. I am most happy that you came across them when you did," the old man said, trying to reclaim the situation.
"Yeah, a tad. So, kids, what were you doing in here?" Xander asked, keeping his guns pointed at the slimy man, who was still glaring at him and pointing a stick at him. Xander had no clue what a stick could do, but after his life on the Hellmouth, he wasn't taking chances.
"Hermione didn't know about the troll. She missed the feast, so I came to warn her. Ron was supposed to find his brother to let him know where we were," Harry said quickly. "I'm not sure what happened to them, though. Maybe they went to the wrong bathroom," he added to explain why they weren't there.
"So… no kissy, kissy?" Xander asked with a smirk.
"Eww," came the disgusted response from both the pre-teens.
"You were saying?" he asked the supposed teachers.
"Of course, they wouldn't tell the truth. That boy was probably setting up a prank, just like his father," the dark-dressed man said, turning his wand to Harry.
"I do believe that is quite enough, Severus," Dumbledore said quietly, causing Snape to drop his wand, but not his glare.
Harry frowned. He wasn't angry at the slur, not really; he just wanted to know what that meant. He wished someone would tell him about his parents other than he looked like his dad with his mum's eyes. He wanted to know what they were like. Simple things. When did they graduate? When did they get married? What did they do for a living? Did they have any friends? Where were those friends now? He just wanted to know.
"So, where are the rest of the kids? And who's looking after them?" Xander asked, relaxing his arms and lowering his guns. Though he still kept his eye on 'Severus'. His creepo radar was blaring. And if there was one thing Xander trusted, it was his creepo radar.
"They are safe in their dorms," McGonagall answered as if it were obvious. "They were escorted there as soon as we learned about the threat. We had no idea Mr. Potter and Miss Granger were missing until we got to the dorms."
"You guys didn't go looking for the troll. You just moved kids around? And didn't go after the bigger threat?" the one-eyed man asked in disbelief.
"We had to find it," she said defensively, glaring at the man as if she didn't like what he was implying.
"Lady, how could you miss it? It stank and was extremely destructive. Or did you think this bathroom came like this naturally?" he argued, waving his arms at the destroyed room.
"It's not easy to kill mountain t-t-t-trolls," the man in the turban stated fearfully. He eyes fearfully drifting from the dead troll to the armed man.
"Well, given I did it in under ten seconds, I'd say it's not that hard," he said, kicking the corpse.
"Actually… less than five," Hermione corrected timidly.
"See? Less than five seconds."
"Lies," Severus snapped. "These children wouldn't tell the truth if…"
"Severus," Dumbledore interrupted firmly as he realized his Potions Master was not going to be helpful at the moment. "I do believe the rest of the staff should know that the danger has passed. Perhaps you and Quirinus can do this."
"Headmaster, you can't be serious. This man just-"
"Professors," was all Dumbledore said, causing the two men to leave. Well, one stormed and the other slinked, never turning his back on the rest. "Now, Mr. Xander, how ever did you come to be in this school?" he asked, after a minute of silence.
"I walked into a cave," Xander said bluntly. "In Africa."
"That is… most disturbing," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard with a frown. "A portal that leads from Africa to this room," he hummed in thought. "It would have to be a new portal, since it has never happened in all my years here," he mumbled just loud enough to be heard.
"I don't think it was a permanent one. There were people ahead of me, and a few behind me, but I'm the only one here. I'm just Fate's butt-monkey," the young man sighed, wondering why everything seemed to happen to him.
"Still, best to be sure. Minerva, would you escort Mr. Potter and Miss Granger to their dorms?" the headmaster suggested to his deputy. He looked over at the young man, his eyes took on a calculating gleam that Xander didn't like.
"Of course, Albus. Follow me, children," she ordered crisply and turned smartly out of the room.
Harry and Hermione reluctantly followed. They appeared very curious about the man that saved them. They gave one last look and trailed after McGonagall.
"If you would follow me, I will seal this room and we can adjourn to my office to discuss this further," Albus offered, waving his hand to the doorway.
Xander shrugged and put his guns into his pocketspace.
Dumbledore lifted an eyebrow but held off his questions for now. He turned and sealed the doorway. "This way," he said as he turned right.
As they walked, Xander noted there was no indication that electricity was used in the stone castle. There were no lightbulbs, sockets, or wires of any kind. He had a sinking feeling that phones would not be available either. Heck, he wasn't even sure he was in the right dimension. The portraits followed them as they moved along. And he was sure he saw a ghost or two. This was creepier than Sunnydale at night on the full moon.
Eventually, they arrived at a stone gargoyle that moved out of the way at Dumbledore's password. The old man showed him to his office and offered him a seat, which he took. The office was just as disturbing as the walk there, with the mumbling pictures, and the large fire-red bird. Xander's hand kept itching to grab his axe and start chopping.
"Can you tell me what year it is?" he asked as politely as he could. Hopefully, it wasn't as bad as he thought.
"October 31st, 1991," the headmaster informed him, with a tilt of his head.
"Shit," Xander muttered, doing some minor calculations.
"You believe you have traversed time?" Albus postulated. Time travelers were rare indeed, and for a muggle to travel time was unheard of.
"Yeah, from the look of this joint I thought it was much further. I'll just have to wait a little while to contact my friends," Xander sighed, a bit put out that he was alone. Too bad he was in the wrong country for the lottery numbers; he'd make a killing.
"Actually, you're in the wrong reality," a familiar voice said as a slender woman with strawberry blonde hair appeared in the chair next to him. She gave him a bright smile and it was reassuring.
"Mrs. Summers?" Xander said in shock. He hadn't seen her in years. Not since she died. He truly hoped she wasn't a ghost or going to haunt him.
Albus started slightly, but the strange red bird started chittering happily.
"Oh, I think after everything we've been through you can call me Joyce!" she stated, wagging her finger at him with a mock frown.
"Yes, ma'am," he said, grinning madly. "Anyway, can I get back?"
"No, I'm afraid not. I need you for a mission," she said, sitting back and adjusting her skirt as she crossed her legs. She cut a glare at the headmaster, which only Xander caught.
"And the mission I was on?" he asked warily. In his previous mission, he was baby Slayer recruiting, and demon slaying. Who was going to take over for him? How long would it take until they knew he was gone? Well, he would miss his check-in call tomorrow, so it might not be too bad. However, Buffy and Willow will fret, Giles will clean his glasses, and Dawn will cry.
"Don't worry, I let Giles know," she informed him, patting his leg at his loyalty. And hadn't that taken a bit of magic? Not to mention the portal. It wasn't as if she could pick up a phone and call. No, she had to make two portals, the first small, so only voices could get through. And then the second one to bring Xander here.
"You drafted me?" he asked in outrage.
"I am so sorry, honey," she said, looking very contrite. "I know what you were doing was important. But Xander, I really need help and you are the only one I knew who could handle it," she said, pleadingly.
"Damn, don't look at me like that. You remind me of your daughters," he whined, still somewhat annoyed at being manhandled across realities. But for Joyce, he'd listen.
"Sorry, but could you see Buffy and Willow just letting you go?" she stated with understanding eyes. She loved her daughter, she really did, but the way she and Willow treated Xander was appalling sometimes.
"Point," he conceded. If they knew he was leaving, they'd never let him go. For some reason, even though he had been in Africa for years, they still felt he couldn't take care of himself. Sometimes their smothering was overwhelming.
"Excuse me," Albus stated, bringing the other two's attention back to him, "I must ask, who are you and how did you come to be in my school?" He seemed a bit angry, like he didn't like that there was someone in his office that he didn't know. His eyes were narrowed, and the red bird trilled.
"My name is Joyce Summers, Xander is one of my daughter's best friends," she said fondly as she reached over and took Xander's hand.
"How does that pertain to you being in my office?" the old man asked gruffly, looking back and forth between the two strangers.
"That's because I am your office. You may call me Lady Hogwarts," Joyce stated airily as if he should have already known that. Though the smirk on her lips belied that he would have known. The mischievous twinkle indicated that she had never informed him, and that she was enjoying the fact that he was in the dark.
To say the headmaster was gobsmacked was an understatement. The look on his face made Xander smirk. "That sounds like something that crawled out of the Hellmouth. Hogwarts, really? Maybe it's a description of something Buffy would cook," he said with a disgusted look.
"It is the name of this school," Albus said somewhat absently looking like he was still going over the woman's claims of being the embodiment of his school. His forehead was wrinkled, and his lips were pursed. He was staring at his desk as if it had the answers.
"That doesn't make it sound any pleasanter," Xander declared with a raised eyebrow. Turning to Joyce he asked. "So, what mission? Does it involve demons? Cause, I got to tell you, I'd rather Buffy were around if it does. She's the leader of our little army."
"No, no demons. Unless you classify Harry Potter as a demon. He's just coming up the stairs." Joyce smiled fondly at the door.
A few seconds later, an irate Minerva McGonagall burst through the doors with Harry and Hermione behind her. She was just about to start ranting when she noticed the strange woman.
"Harry is my mission?" Xander asked with a sigh. He made the leap from teenage girls to preteen boys… at least he wouldn't have to worry about female problems this time.
"Yes," she concurred. "He has had a hard life, and there's a prophecy."
"Ms. Summers, I must ask that you stop right now. I do not know how you came to have such knowledge, but it should not be revealed at this time," Albus said sternly. There was no way he wanted that bit of news to spread. He'd have to figure out how she knew.
"I know everything that goes on in this building. Well, when I'm awake that is. I know far more than you on current events," she said smartly.
"Oh, Joyce, hold back the claws," Xander said with a satisfied grin. He loved it when the women he knew tore into someone not him. His fondest memories were when she laid into one or the other of Buffy's vampire boyfriends. Though, she liked Spike for some reason. Well, no one is perfect. Still, she did hit him upside the head with an axe, so Xander could forgive her.
"I could tell you some stories about this man's hubris. He keeps things quite close to the vest. Things about Harry, and the poor boy deserves to know. His saving people instincts are just as bad as yours!" Joyce said angrily. "Just look what happened tonight. He didn't even like Hermione that much, but he still went to save her."
"I don't want people to get hurt or die. Besides, they're my friends! Well, now at least," Harry said defiantly, glaring at the older woman, as if daring to say he was wrong.
"Harry, dear, I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying that I don't like the way some people treat you. You remind me so much of Xander. He is always going off saving others with little thought to his own wellbeing or little reward," Joyce said, pulling the small boy into a hug.
Xander noticed Harry's reaction. He stiffened up so much, the one-eyed man was afraid he might break.
Joyce looked over at Xander as if to say, 'See what I mean', knowing what the one-eyed man had noticed. The motherly woman then released Harry as two more chairs materialized in the office, and she led the two children to sit down. She then waved her hand an made a chair for Minerva next to Albus'. The prim woman sat, looking very putout, and confused.
"Harry, Xander is here to protect and train you. The man who murdered your parent is still… well, not alive, but around. Xander is going to help you. He's going to teach you how to be safe, and keep your friends safe," Joyce explained softly, hoping the boy didn't feel crowded, or overwhelmed.
"Ms. Summers!" Albus bellowed, making everyone jerk in reaction. "I must insist you stop at once. I will make you do so if I must," he stated firmly, lifting his wand.
"You know what? I'm tired of you. I think it's time you took a vacation. Perhaps you could use the time to reflect on how badly you screwed up, and how you might fix that in the future," the embodiment of Hogwarts stated, waving her hand and making the old man disappear.
McGonagall looked poleaxed, she looked around like she was trying to grasp all that was happening. "Excuse me, but just who are you people and what did you do to the headmaster?" she asked.
"Don't worry, Minerva. I just sent Albus outside the school gates," Joyce explained at the woman's worried look. "He'll be back, ruining people's lives in no time."
"That does not explain who you are."
"For all intent and purposes, I'm Hogwarts."
Minerva looked to Xander hoping for an explanation… or even a pinch to wake her up from this surreal dream.
"Don't look at me, I just got here." Xander shrugged as he looked expectantly at Joyce.
Joyce sighed. "When I was dying a funny little man named Whistler came to me and told me my time was up… there. He said the Powers That Be had use of me elsewhere. That I could help a magical community in a different dimension flourish. I came here a thousand years ago, and one thing led to another and now I am Hogwarts. I usually stay asleep, more like a light nap, but when war comes, I awaken and help protect the castle. I think I've been completely awake five times over the millennium. Anyway, I woke up when that Voldemort man was causing havoc," she explained, hitting the highpoints. "That man was sneaky and cunning. A true Slytherin. The things he did in this castle without my knowledge is beyond frustrating," she huffed, crossing her arms around her chest.
"So why am I here if you protect the castle?" Xander asked her.
"Part of my duty is to ensure the safety of my occupants. The last decade or so, I have tried to subtly communicate with Dumbledore, but he is too caught up in making Harry a martyr. If I had come out and said, 'Hey, I'm the school, and you should listen to me,' he would have dismissed me out of hand. Now his plans include Harry, and I won't stand for it. Harry comes from a home that is far more abusive than yours. It was what I learnt from Albus Dumbledore that made me ask for you. You see, Harry's parents died trying to protect him when he was a baby, ten years ago today. Voldemort, the man who killed them, used the same curse on Harry. It's usually instantly fatal, but it backfired and destroyed his body leaving him a wraith. Unfortunately, this made Harry part of a prophecy that says Harry has to vanquish Voldemort," she explained, holding Harry loosely about the shoulders.
"I have to kill someone?" Harry asked in horror as Minerva and Hermione gasped.
"Not if I have anything to say about it. Xander here breaks prophecies, which is why I brought him here," Joyce told the young boy, giving him a gentle squeeze.
"It's getting late. Perhaps we could continue this tomorrow?" Minerva suggested as Hermione failed to stifle a yawn.
"That's a good idea," Joyce stated, seeing everyone trying to keep awake. "I'll take them to where they are sleeping. You should go as well. We'll talk about Albus tomorrow."
"We're not sleeping in our dorms?" a confused Harry asked.
"No, you're not, but Hermione will be, but let's talk about it when we get there," Lady Hogwarts stated, shuffling everyone out the door.