Summary: Vampire vigilantes Edward Masen and Rosalie Hale quench their bloodlust by murdering and feeding on common criminals. When their paths cross with Bella and Emmett Swan—pure-hearted siblings who've never seemed to experience any luck, let alone be down on it—Edward and Rosalie are compelled to help them.

I wanted a small break between my canon divergent fic, and when this story popped into my head, I thought it would be the perfect outlet. We have a human Emmett and Bella falling in love with vampires Rosalie and Edward. It's going to be all my favorite character dynamics crammed into one sweet, silly fic. I hope you enjoy.

A bit of housekeeping: this story will contain some sensitive content. It's a story about vampires killing criminals, after all. Nothing is going to be overly graphic. Please DM me if you wish to know exactly what sorts of criminals I plan to include, or whatever else would help you enjoy this story without fear.

Twilight and its character belong to Stephanie Meyer.

"Come on, Bells," Emmett complained for the third time that night, "I'm starving."

Bella furrowed her brow for the fourth time that night. "We're almost in Portland. You promised you'd wait to eat until then."

"That was right after lunch. I was generous back then."

When Bella said nothing, Emmett huffed dramatically and kicked his up on the dashboard so he could slump into his seat. Only two and a half songs passed before he tried again. "Come on, there's an exit coming up. It says there's food. Can we please take it?"

Bella frowned. Yes, there would be food at the exit. If it were like every other exit off the highway, the food promised would be an absurd amount of fried chicken and burger places crammed onto one street. None of which would accept Bella's reusable containers and cups, blaming their inconsideration on company policy or whatever. Which would only lead to trash, trash, and more trash. "You promised you were going to try!"

"I did," Emmett agreed, "when we got to Seattle. We're not in Seattle yet, Bella Boop."

Bella grumbled at her brother's loophole. He was only going to get more annoying the hungrier he got, so Bella switched into the furthest right lane to take the exit. Her frown became more pronounced as he whooped in victory.

"We should probably get gas while we're stopping," Emmett suggested.

Bella hummed in agreement.

She didn't feel confident driving their rented U-Haul on small roads and hoped Emmett would find something suitable close to the exit. Thankfully, this highway exit accounted for many people in a similar situation to Bella and Emmett and there was a gas station right off the road surrounded by the most popular fast-food restaurants. Once Bella had parked in the spot furthest away from any other cars, the siblings hopped out of the cab simultaneously.

"Oh, look!" Bella gasped at the sight of small, brick buildings smooshed together in a line further down the road, "A main street!" Small businesses were much more willing to indulge Bella's odd requests. "I'm going to look down there for some food."

"Aight, I'll fill her up," Emmett said dismissively, slapping the bumper of the truck like it was the rear of a horse.

Grabbing a stack of reusable containers for her and Emmett both, Bella walked down the sidewalk until the four-laned road filed down into two lanes past a stoplight. She inspected each building—restaurants in particular, but they all appeared to be closed. That was the thing about small businesses in small towns—they were more accommodating, but they would also close at eight at night. Giving up on the main strip, Bella tested out a few side streets, hoping to find something—a bar, a pub, anything that would stay open later. She would even accept a strip club as long as the kitchen was willing to put an order of fries into Bella's tin.

Down an ally and over a few blocks, Bella spotted lit windows that promised an open business. She picked up her pace—a bad idea for a klutz walking in the dark—and turned down another set of streets towards the light. When she was a mere building away, the lights shut off, and Bella skidded to a stop.

She was too late. It seemed that it was often the case in Bella's life. A second too late. An inch too far. A penny too few. Luck had not only avoided Bella, but it often cruelly laughed in her face.

Huffing, Bella turned on her heels to return to her brother, only to realize she no longer recognized where she was. Like a moth, she followed the light without paying her surroundings any attention. She began walking in the direction she thought she came from, when a sound from behind caused her to pause, quirk her head to the side, and turn towards it.


"Gross. What is that sweater she's wearing?"

Edward threw Rosalie a side-eye she didn't notice. "You can't say that about someone who's about to be murdered, Rose."

Rose snorted. The sound was too pretty to be very intimidating—just like everything else about her. It was a constant thorn in her side. "I was just making an observation. It's not like I said, 'she's ugly; let's let her die.'"

"She's not ugly," Edward said, defensively. Even from their perch on the roof high above, he could make out a pair of warm, brown eyes and a set of soft, pink lips, both slightly too large for her petite face. "She's actually quite pretty."

Rose continued with no sign of hearing Edward, "Besides, you're one to talk. What about the thing you said about that last guy we saved?"

"Ugh," Edward threw his head back in annoyance at the memory. "The one who kept thinking that his sideburns finally looked like John Mayer's. We should have let him die."

Rosalie snickered.

The girl below started walking straight in the trap that was set up for her in a messy haste. Edward and Rosalie tensed, ready to move.

"I'll distract the girl, you grab our man?"

Rosalie nodded. "Do we want instant death, or do we want him to suffer?

Edward listened to seemingly nothing for a moment, then visibly cringed. "He's thinking that this girl is a bit too old for his taste."

Rosalie's lip curled in disgust. The girl couldn't be older than twenty-two. Anything noticeably younger than her would be a child. "Oh. He's going to suffer." Edward nodded in solum agreement.

The girl reached the kitchen door their victim was positioned behind, ready to grab her and pull her into the walk-in fridge where he could have his way with her. She stepped past, completely unaware that the door behind her slowly creaked open.

Their victim was about to strike.

But the vampires were faster.

As he opened the door, the vampires scaled down the building, and broke through a second entrance. Before their victim could notice their arrival, Rosalie silenced him with a blow to the head that rendered him immediately unconscious. Simultaneously, Edward emerged from the kitchen just as the girl turned toward the unexpected sound.

"He—hello?" she muttered, more embarrassed to be lost than fearful of her isolation, Edward noted.

"Are you lost?" Edward asked in his most unthreatening voice.

Edward heard the girl's pulse quicken as he stepped into the light. He had done this act with Rosalie enough times to know that the girl's pounding heart and light perspiration came from instinctual fear that she would mistake as attraction.

"Oh my god, yes," the words rushed out of her mouth in relief. "My brother and I had to stop for gas, and he sent me for food, but I got turned around. My mother always warned me that I was hopeless with directions but—oh." The sentence stopped abruptly when she realized she was rambling. She sucked her lips into her mouth and flushed a very attractive shade of pink.

Edward smiled—the perfect picture of patience and kindness. "Do you remember the name of the gas station?"

The girl blew out a breath. "Exxon."

"Follow me." Edward led the innocent girl away from Rosalie. Normally, Edward would have been able to hear the wistful daydreams or clever schemes in the mind of the besotted stranger as he brought them to safety, but he got nothing from the mind of this girl during their walk. A rarity for him, but not unheard of. Whenever he came across a mind as silent as this one, he silently thanked them for reducing the clutter in his.

"Here you are," he gestured when the gas station came into view.

The girl looked up at him with stars in her eyes that Edward had grown used to; being rescued by a handsome stranger often tugged at the heartstrings.

"Thank you," she whispered, clutching empty containers to her chest.

"No problem; stay safe."

As he turned to leave, the girl tried to ask him something else, but her attention shifted to a brawny guy yelling her name near the McDonalds.

"Bells! They were willing to fill your container!"

"Really?!" the girl named Bella yelled back excitedly, rushing back towards him.

"Yeah!" He held up a large Tupperware in the air and gave it a shake. "Can you believe they actually sell people two hundred chicken nuggets?" The guy chuckled, "That shouldn't be legal."

Bella stopped mid-laugh as the words caught up to her, "Wait. Two hundred? Emmett, what are we going to do with two hundred chicken nuggets?"

By the time Bella turned to include the handsome stranger in the humorous situation, he was gone. Edward watched the rest of the exchange from the shadows. He waited until the girl drove off in the U-Haul with her brother before he returned to Rosalie.

Edward found Rosalie with their victim on the roof of a building close to where they abducted him. Edward crouched on the opposite side from her as Rosalie tenderly stroked the man's cheek until he roused. He blinked into the darkness, trying to make out the features of the figure looming over him.

The second he saw Rosalie's angelic beauty, the creep gasped adoringly and crooned, "Is this a dream?" He lifted his hand to her cheek, testing to see she was real.

Rosalie smiled and lightly placed her hand over where his now cupped her cheek. "Oh no. This is very, very real."

And she tightened her grip, breaking every bone in his hand. The man screamed in both pain and horror as Rosalie tore the hand off the wrist and drank the blood gushing out. Edward joined, sinking his teeth into the man's throat. The vampires delighted in the tortured screams of their vile victim as they fed, knowing their dinner had ridden the world of one more monster.