4A little late for April Fools' Day, I know, but then again, I don't think you would've trusted anything uploaded on that day.
I came up with this idea last year, when I learned that Dementia's birthday is April Fools' Day, and only remembered it recently. So, I decided to finish it. Just for fun.
This one-shot takes place in my "The Girl in Black" universe. I'd recommend reading that first, as it features my OC Lita Gris. This takes place sometime between Chapter 21 and 22.
Lita Gris knew it was going to be one of those weird mornings at Black Hat Manor when she walked into her bathroom and a bucket of water fell on her head.
"At least I don't have to take a shower," she said, grabbing a towel.
But as she dried herself off, her pure white pajamas started turning blue. The towel was completely soaked in blue dye.
"Guess I'll be taking that shower after all."
After getting dressed, Lita put on her sneakers. Only to discover that they were filled with whipped cream. Luckily, she had a pair of cream-free flats to change into.
As if the day couldn't get any stranger, Lita opened her bedroom door and was met with a thin tripwire at her ankles. Being the stealthy cat burglar she was, she carefully stepped over it. Yet as soon as she put her second foot down, the carpet gave way beneath her, revealing a hole in the floor. Lita quickly grabbed the edge of the hole before she could fall to the next floor.
By the time Lita finally got to the kitchen, she was anxiously keeping a lookout for any more traps. 5.0.5. was seated at the table. Dr. Flug had his back to Lita as he served waffles. Dementia was nowhere to be seen, which was suspicious.
"Hey, guys," Lita said. "So, a funny thing happened on my way—"
"She got you too, didn't she?" Flug turned around.
Lita put a hand to her mouth to suppress a chuckle. A mustache and tongue had been drawn in black marker on Flug's paper bag.
"Yes, yes, I know." He sighed. "I'd change it, but she thought ahead and left doodles on all my bags."
Lita checked her chair before sitting down. "I know Dementia likes to pull pranks a lot, but this much, this early?"
"Haven't you guessed?" Flug set a plate of waffles before her. "It's April 1st."
A quick glance at her phone confirmed it. "Damn. Why do I always forget April Fools' Day?"
"Dementia's favorite holiday." He sat down, setting off a whoopee cushion, but did not react. "Every year we get into a prank war, and no matter what I come up with, she always wins. Until Black Hat gets involved, of course. When she starts annoying him."
"So this is gonna be going on all day?" Lita asked as she cut into her waffles.
"No way around it." Flug shrugged. "It's either fool or be fooled."
Lita took a bite of her waffle, then spat it out. "Geez, Flug! What'd you put in these?"
"Huh?" Flug took a bite himself and gagged. "What in the world?"
He stood up and went over to the cabinet. He took out the flour and sugar, dipped his finger in each and tasted them. Groaning, he slammed his hands on the counter.
"Dementia! She switched the flour with talcum powder and the sugar with salt!"
There was a cackle from above. Everyone looked up to see Dementia crawling on the ceiling.
"The Queen of April Fools' reigns supreme!"
Flug shook his fist at her. "I swear I'll get you for this, Dementia!"
"Ha! Just try it, nerd!"
Lita sighed and stood up. "I'll just get some cereal."
But all the cereal boxes were filled with nuts and bolts.
Yup. This is gonna be one of those long, weird days.
Lita didn't have time to get caught up in the others' April Fools' antics, as she had a training session with Black Hat in the gym. Only he wasn't there when she arrived. While she waited, she warmed up with some stretches.
An explosion echoed throughout the manor, followed by Dementia screaming, "Flug!"
Lita could only imagine what sort of revenge prank the scientist had enacted.
It wasn't like the boss to be this late for a training session. She figured she might as well practice her bo staff techniques.
But when she picked up the staff, it transformed into a hissing black cobra. Lita yelped and dropped it. The cobra then laughed and shapeshifted into Black Hat.
"April Fools!"
Just about done with this day, Lita grabbed a dumbbell and hurled it at her boss. He caught it with one claw.
"And just for that," he said, casually tossing the dumbbell over his shoulder, "bench press. Fifty reps. Now."
"Fine."
She went over to the bench press. Once she was on her back, Black Hat snapped his fingers and added extra weight onto the barbell.
"You'll be doing fifty kilograms today."
Lita's jaw dropped. "But that's ten more than I usually do! I could pull a muscle!"
"You should've thought about that before you threw that dumbbell at me." He gave a toothy grin. "Of course, if you think you're too weak to do it…"
Admitting defeat, she began her reps while Black Hat spotted her. With the additional weight, she had to lift at a slower pace.
"Can't believe," she said between grunts, "you're into this…April Fools' nonsense too."
"Not in the holiday spirit, I see," he said.
"Don't see…what the big deal is."
"Really? As a villain-in-training, I thought you'd leap at the chance to humiliate your colleagues with diabolical pranks."
In truth, the last time she had bothered with April Fools' Day had been when her mother was still alive. As a child, Lita's pranks had never extended beyond shock gum and joy buzzers. But after her mother died, forcing her to become a thief to help her father, there had been no time for childish things like pranks. Besides, with her family's reputation, she'd already gotten into enough trouble at school.
To Black Hat, Lita only admitted, "Just seems like…a waste of time."
"Oh, but with your thieving skills, I'm sure you can come up with something clever and sneaky. Like when you swiped my Fabergé egg to get my attention."
"That's different. I don't steal…for fun. Only to…survive."
She stopped talking for a minute, as her arms felt like noodles. And there were still twenty reps to go.
"Yes, that's your problem, isn't it, Miss Ladrona?" Black Hat asked. "You fail to see the fun in this new career path of yours. While you've shown great promise in these past three months, you lack passion. Do you think I'm in the evil business just because I'm good at it? As true as that is, I also take the time to enjoy it. Even the little things like April Fools' pranks are for no real purpose other than fun."
Once Lita finished her fifty reps, she handed the barbell off to Black Hat and allowed her arms to drop to her sides as she caught her breath.
"You saying I should get involved in this prank war?"
He smirked as he threw the barbell over his head as if it were no heavier than a beachball. "I'm saying I'd like you to do something today that doesn't make you look boring."
"Even if I felt like it, how am I supposed to compete with what you guys do?" She sat up. "I'm no super genius. Don't know a thing about building traps, just how to avoid them. And I can't turn a staff into a snake."
"Be realistic, Miss Ladrona. To reach my level of evil is impossible." Black Hat took her hand and lifted her to her feet. "The doctor, Dementia, and myself each have our own brand of evil. If you wish to participate in today's mischief, I suggest you find your own."
"But what can I do against killer robots and holes in the floor?"
"You're a smart girl. Figure it out. Now." He shoved her forward. "Go get your bo staff before I turn it into a snake again."
By lunchtime, Lita was thoroughly exhausted. After the bo staff lesson, Black Hat had made her run twenty laps around the gym. She sat down and plopped her face onto the kitchen table, not caring that her chair was covered in mayonnaise.
"What's for lunch?" she grumbled.
"Pizza," Flug replied. "I'm not trusting anything Dementia's making. Should be here in a few minutes."
She looked up to see the scientist covered in ashes and paint splotches. "What—?"
"Don't ask." He sat beside her. "5.0.5. is still in the shower. Poor thing sprang one of Dementia's molasses traps."
"She's really going all out with this April Fools' stuff, isn't she?"
"Yes, if only she put this much effort and planning into actual missions." Flug rolled his eyes. "Although, I can't say I exactly blame her for wanting to make the best of her birthday."
"Whoa, whoa." Lita straightened up. "Birthday? Today is Dementia's birthday?"
"Well, her unofficial birthday. She doesn't remember her real birthday, only that it's in April. Since she gets such a kick out of April Fools' Day, we decided to kill two celebrations with one stone. Besides, Black Hat doesn't really approve of stuff like a happy party with cake and presents, but he does approve of an elaborate prank war."
"So, Dementia's never had a real birthday celebration?"
Flug shrugged. "She's too busy trying to April Fool everyone to really care. At least one of us gets to have fun on their birthday."
Lita considered that a shame. While her own birthday celebrations had been small, she'd at least had some cake and presents from her parents. She didn't know much about Dementia's past, but was getting the sense that the Black Hat Organization was the only life she'd ever known. Did Dementia think about mundane, arbitrary things like birthday parties?
"The boss thinks I should pull some pranks of my own," Lita said. "But I'm not exactly the prankster type. Definitely not as much as you guys."
"Well, there are different types of pranks," Flug said. "My own tend to be calculated and complex, while Dementia's don't require much thinking, but are highly effective in terms of annoyance."
"No kidding." Lita glanced down her mayonnaise-smeared bottom. "But I don't know how to top this."
"That's cuz you're too much of a goody-goody!" Dementia sprang out of the cabinet. "No matter how many shiny diamonds you steal for my honeybun, you're still the least evilest person in this house!"
At that moment, 5.0.5. entered the kitchen, giving a friendly smile and wave to everyone.
"After Bear Boy, of course."
"There's no need to be so condescending, Dementia," Flug said. "Lita's only been here for three months. You can't expect her to develop a conniving mind that quickly."
Dementia huffed as she hopped to the floor. "I wrestled a giant snake when I came here! And you crashed a plane full of people! All this chick has done is swipe a diamond!"
Flug stood from his seat. "She bested my security system!"
"That just means your security's garbage, nerd!"
"And she disintegrated Black Hat!"
"Accidents don't count!"
"Alright, so she lacks malice, but is still a better team member than you! At least she's got brains!"
Even though Flug was trying to defend her, Lita couldn't help but feel belittled. While she didn't care about being evil, as she held firm on her belief that there was no such thing, there had been a lot of people who'd thought her unfit for certain jobs. She would do everything asked of her, and there would still be something lacking.
It was stupid. The argument was on whether or not Lita could pull off a dumb prank. But something about not one, but two of her colleagues declaring her incapable of such a feat, made it sound like a challenge.
And Lita Gris didn't back down from challenges so easily. Especially when her competence was in question.
While Flug and Dementia continued their quarrel, Lita pulled 5.0.5. aside and whispered, "Hey, Pachoncito,could you teach me how to bake a cake?"
That evening, when Flug and Dementia entered the kitchen for dinner, they were met with a blast of confetti.
"Seriously, Dementia?" Flug said.
She held up her hands. "Wasn't me this time, Doc."
"Surprise!" Lita shouted.
She and 5.0.5. stood at the table, holding confetti cannons.
"Really?" Dementia spat out the confetti. "This was the best prank you could come up with? A kindergartner could pull this off."
"It's not a prank," Lita said. "What's a birthday party without confetti?"
"Birthday party?"
Then Dementia saw the green-iced cake on the table, which said: Happy Birthday, Dem!
"Huh?"
"Flug said today was your birthday," Lita said, "and that you're so busy pranking everyone you never have time for cake. So, 5.0.5. and I made you one!"
"Bow!" 5.0.5. pointed to a bowl of punch beside the cake.
"Oh, and punch too. I would've gotten you a present, but I only just learned this last-minute."
"Wow. You're being…really nice to me." Dementia narrowed her eyes. "What's the catch?"
"No catch." Lita smiled. "Just think that everyone should have cake on their birthday. And you know I'm not into the April Fools' Day thing to pull any pranks."
"That's true." Dementia leaned forward to examine the dessert. "What kinda cake is it?"
"Proo!" said 5.0.5.
"Pistachio," Flug translated.
"It was the only green flavor I could find on short notice," Lita explained. "I know green's your favorite color."
"It is." Dementia grinned. "And I do like cake!"
The mutant stuck her hand into the cake and scooped a chunk the size of a football into her mouth. Flug crossed his arms.
"Ever thought we might want some of that cake?"
"Shut up, Doc," Dementia said with her mouth full. "Mmm. Doesn't taste like pistachio. Kinda tastes like…"
She stopped. Her pupils shrank. Her eyes watered. Her face turned red.
Then Dementia spat out the cake. "W-Wasabi!"
"Oops." Lita put a hand to her mouth. "Right, it was wasabi frosting, I forgot. You know? Now that I think about it. I may have added too much Carolina Reaper hot sauce."
Flug gasped. The Carolina Reaper was the spiciest chili pepper in the world.
"Hot!" Dementia's tongue was steaming as she flailed her arms. "Hot, hot, hot, hot!"
Spotting the punch bowl, she dunked her head in. Two seconds later, she emerged from the punch screaming.
"How the heck did that make it worse?!" Dementia covered her eyes. "And now my eyes are on fire!"
"Oh, sorry," Lita said innocently. "Did I forget to mention we made alcoholic punch?"
Even Dementia knew that alcohol and spicy food did not mix.
Her red face was wet with tears as the mutant rushed to the sink, stuck her head under the faucet, opened her mouth and switched the water on.
"Uh, Dementia." Flug snickered. "Water won't counteract the spice either."
Dementia turned off the water, panting and glaring. "You could've told me that sooner!"
"Moo!" 5.0.5. said, holding up a carton and glass of milk.
The mutant ignored the glass in favor of the carton. She chugged it down her throat. Once she'd emptied the carton, she heaved a sigh of relief. The spice had finally subsided.
Dementia turned to the other woman. "What was that?"
Lita smirked. "April Fools."
Flug held his stomach as he keeled over laughing.
"You mean," Dementia said, "this whole birthday party thing was a setup?"
At her heartbroken tone, Lita's smile disappeared. Had she gone too far, playing with Dementia's feelings, all for some prank that could've damaged her tongue and throat?
Then the mutant cackled and slapped Lita on the back. "Oho, you really got me, kid! I did not see that one coming!"
This eased Lita's conscience. "So, you don't think I'm such a goody-goody anymore, huh?"
Dementia shook her head. "Nah, you're still a goody-goody. But I'm gonna keep an eye on ya from now on."
"I was serious about celebrating your birthday though. 5.0.5. and I have another cake ready. No wasabi or hot sauce this time."
"Why?" Dementia licked her lips. "Once ya get over the searing hot burning sensation, that stuff's actually pretty good!"
As Lita headed to her room, ready to turn in for the night, she ran into Black Hat in the hallway.
"I saw that prank you pulled on Dementia."
She crossed her arms. "Spying on me again, are you?"
Instead of answering, he clapped. "Masterfully done. Using Dementia's birthday as a ploy to lull her into a false sense of security, earning her trust just enough to get her to fall for your trap. The wasabi and Carolina Reaper sauce were exceptionally clever, but combined with the alcohol in the punch?" He gave a chef's kiss. "That was the icing on the cake, so to speak. There's hope for you as a villain yet."
Lita probably shouldn't take that as a compliment, but her cheeks flushed all the same. "Thanks, boss. Actually, I wouldn't have come up with that if it hadn't been for your advice."
"Oh?" He placed his hands behind his back. "Care to elaborate?"
"You told me to find my own brand of evil. I still don't believe in the concept, but I think I figured out what gives me an advantage on this team."
"And that is?"
"No one expects me to be capable of anything." Her voice lowered. "Nothing worthwhile, anyway. Dementia didn't expect me capable of one-upping her, which made her blind to my prank."
Black Hat nodded. "I thought the same of you when you first came to my manor. That a small, innocent thing like you wouldn't stand a chance against me. Then you managed to bypass my security system. You surprised me." He pointed at her. "And that, Miss Ladrona, is what makes you the ideal candidate for my organization."
"Thanks." Lita glanced down at her feet shyly. "I know I don't match your level of evil, but…I do try, boss, to meet the approval of everyone here. Especially yours."
She lifted her head. "You say you didn't expect anything from me, but…you do now. That's why you push me so hard, isn't it?"
He smirked. "Yes, Miss Ladrona, I expect quite a lot from you."
"Really?" Her expression turned hopeful as she approached him. "You think I'll…make a great villain someday?"
Black Hat backed up as she invaded his personal space. "Err, perhaps. With proper training. And provided you develop a passion for evil."
"Oh," she said in a sultry tone, "I don't think we need to worry about passion."
Black Hat hadn't realized how far he'd backed up, and hit the far wall.
"I'm afraid I do have evil thoughts, boss." Lita pouted as she leaned towards him. "But they just make me so…embarrassed."
His cheeks darkened as her hand touched his chest. He was too alarmed to move.
"But you're such a good teacher. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually." Her other hand slid onto his shoulder. "Maybe…you could teach me…other sinful things?"
The demon gulped. She wasn't implying what he thought she was implying, was she? He couldn't afford to have another lovestruck fangirl under his employment.
"Oh, and boss?"
Unable to process what was happening, Black Hat could only whimper in reply. He shivered as Lita fully embraced him, pressing her body against his, then whispered in his earhole.
"April Fools."
Snarling, Black Hat pushed her away. "I-I knew you were faking the entire time!"
Lita giggled. "Whatever you say, boss."
As Black Hat watched her retreating form, he grumbled in annoyance.
Evil or not, this girl was going to be the death of him.