Rodolphus's Birthday Chaos and Blaise and Millicent Pay The Price For Their Latest Paint Job
When the Death Munchers had cheerfully admitted to Rodolphus that they had intended to ignore his wishes for a nice, quiet birthday, the Lestrange Heir thought he knew what that meant. He had braced himself for horrible music, ugly decorations and everyone singing Happy Birthday deliberately very badly. Unfortunately for him, that was just simply the baseline of what everyone had planned. Antonin had taken his job assigned by Thalia very seriously, and went beyond the line of duty. He had made sure that Rodolphus would want to bury his head into his pillow and weep in despair. The Russian Death Muncher had gone out and bought enough dinosaur balloons and banners to cover the entire Manor so that it was literally impossible to ignore, even on the lavatory. Antonin had risked neck and more Boglins to also decorate Voldemort's study, much to the Dark Lord's bristling irritation. It was an inflatable Jurassic Park, except less cool.
Where Antonin had gotten the decorations from, Rodolphus had frankly no idea and he really did not want to know.
At breakfast, Rodolphus was forced to endure the predicted horrendous chorus of 'Happy Birthday', with the werewolf children being the most in tune and the melodious howls that now and again came out at the high notes being the only good thing about the song. Rodolphus sank even more into a birthday grump when Izzy put a ridiculous birthday cake shaped hat on his head. One that had been enchanted by Macnair to make sure that the hat could be taken off by anyone save for the fuming birthday boy.
The food was not left unblemished by birthday cheer. Nansi and her friends had made pancakes and waffles with all kinds of different toppings, but it seemed someone had either bribed the elves or had snuck into the kitchens, because all the waffles and pancakes were in the shape of dinosaurs, Disney characters and snakes. Lots and lots of snakes; Rodolphus narrowed his eyes in the direction of Nagini and Thalia at the sight of the food. His Lord's familiars had the temerity to attempt to appear innocent when they noticed him glaring at them. He had been tempted to question them, but Voldemort's thunderous countenance put a stop to any interrogation Rodolphus had planned.
Rodolphus had hoped that breakfast would be the last of it, but Rabastan had more than happily betrayed him by assisting in making a red velvet birthday cake, decorated by wild fruits, and making Rodolphus's favourite smoothie: wild berries with strawberry and blueberry.
Thus, he was forced to stew in irritation and grumble incoherently as he drunk his smoothie.
Nagini and Thalia both tittered at his expense.
*Nagini thinks Rodolphus thinks we cooked his breakfast.*
*That would require us to know how to cook. Hey Nagini, Thalia just realised – if Rodolphus ever casts a Patronus he is going to hate it!*
*Why is that, Thalia?*
*Because it's a giant Eeyore, like him!*
Titters ran about the room; the wolves happily laughed at his expense. Voldemort glowered at his snakes while tucking into a dragon-Maleficent shaped pancake. Rodolphus himself forced down his Grumpy-shaped pancake – Mr. Mupples had plated it up for him and it had taken Rodolphus every ounce of self-restraint not to throw the plushie Death Muncher out of the window and risk the ire of his wife – while hoping and praying to anyone who would listen that this would be the last of it until they were forced to go on his birthday trip.
However, all of his prayers fell on deaf ears.
After breakfast, everyone in the Manor – Wormtail and the junior Death Munchers included – was forced into the parlour, where someone had erected a stage. Pre-emptively, Balthazar had put Rodolphus under a Body Bind Curse to stop him from escaping and plonked him down near Voldemort on the front row, and next to Bella. Avior had taken to the stage with a grin, wearing one of his top hats, together with Izzy.
"My Lord, ladies, gentlemen and gentle-snakes, welcome to Rodolphus's birthday magic show!" Avior announced, ravens releasing from both his and Izzy's hat.
Kill me now, was all Rodolphus thought as whoops and cheers went around the Inner Circle. The Outer Circle had no idea what to make of this but clapped politely.
Izzy then started to sneeze.
"Oh, what's the matter, Izzy?" Avior asked kindly, but knowingly.
I have something up my nose, Mr. Avery sir – AAAACHOOO!"
If Rodolphus had the ability to roll his eyes, he would have. As Izzy sneezed a second time, clouds of pink started to fill the room and pink and purple butterflies started to fill the room, causing surprised and awed gasps from the wizards. Most of the werewolves grinned, since they helped Avior and Izzy practise their little routine. Thalia and Nagini could not help but boop a few of the butterflies with their snoots, causing the butterflies to explode into pink and purple sparkles.
As soon as one butterfly exploded, the others soon followed suit. Rodolphus hated to admit it, and he never would have done it out loud, but it was a very impressive trick.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, the trick is very pretty," Bella giggled quietly next to him. "Is Rodolphus enjoying it? Well he doesn't look unhappy – yes, Mr. Mupples, I know he cannot move!"
Yes, and I am going to make Balthazar beg our Lord for a Boglin by the time I am through with him, Rodolphus growled internally.
The birthday grump stewed the entire time through Avior and Izzy's magic show. Rodolphus was unimpressed with the clothes-changing trick, and thought that the creepy-photo trick was not scary enough. The dove-conjuring and doubling trick was OK; he found himself actually chuckling when Izzy turned the doves into a feather dancer.
The children were all suitably impressed, some of the adult werewolves too. Even Fenrir cracked a rare smile. The Death Munchers tried to appear uninterested at points, but they failed miserably. Rodolphus even spied some members of the Outer Circle peer in through the windows to watch the show.
This had better be the only birthday show, or I will throw myself out of the window, Rodolphus vowed to himself. I don't care if I fall in the damn rose bush at this point!
He was not prepared for his ears to bleed further or watch juggling and pretend to enjoy it!
Rodolphus was very relieved that there was no birthday concert, but his good mood was quickly dissolved when presents started to be piled up in front of him; only when Mount Saint Birthday Presents had been fully formed did Bellatrix undo the Body Bind on him.
"Come on, Dolph! You used to love presents!" Augustus teased him lightly. "Start opening them."
Rodolphus glowered at his friend for that.
"Dolph, darling, our Lord's present is right on top! You will start with that one. Now," his wife insisted firmly, giving him a look that dared him to try and argue with her.
*Thalia is of a mind to paint a smile on Rodolphus's face,* the banana-coloured ball python commented. *Thalia does not care if it makes him Rodolphus LeCreepy.*
"You might not, Thalia, but the children do," Hannah pointed out crisply.
*If you're talking about nightmares, Hannah, Tom gives them enough of those already.*
It was Voldemort's turn to glower at Thalia.
In order to try and avoid his Lord's irritation as well as any more opportunities for Thalia to give him any more nicknames, Rodolphus reached for his first present, making sure to pick Voldemort's first.
And what it was, made Rodolphus almost faint.
Chocolate frogs.
His Lord … had bought him … a whole box … full of chocolate frogs.
Thalia must have had a hand in this … or a tail, the eldest Lestrange decided. He could practically hear the chiding and sniping and teasing coming from the banana-coloured ball python until his Lord complied with her demands.
Rodolphus thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn't. As if he was not concerned about his Lord's mental health enough as it was – those damn self-help books were really starting to get to his head as well – the box of chocolate frogs came with a card.
A birthday card – with two snakes cutting the birthday cake on the front.
You have done passably so far. I hope you survive your birthday, Rodolphus
"Well?" Bellatrix started prodding her husband when he continued to remain rather unresponsive, causing everyone to become ever so slightly nervous. "What do you say to our Lord for giving such a thoughtful present?"
Rodolphus gulped when he saw the rather expectant look in Voldemort's eyes and bowed his head respectfully. "Thank you, m-my Lord. It is very gracious of you."
While the Dark Lord basked in the albeit forced gratitude, Thalia huffed. *Thalia has no idea why you are so pleased, Tom. Your birthday message was a let-down.*
*No it was not!*
*You can never just say 'happy Hatching Day! Eat lots of cake – you earned it'. No, you just have to be Lord Mopeymort!*
*I am not-*
*Hey Nagini, what is another name for a party organised by Tom?*
Uh oh. Rodolphus quickly grabbed another present, hoping that was enough to distract everyone. Alas, it was not.
*Nagini doesn't know, Thalia, tell Nagini!*
*A slumber party.*
A few stifled snorts rippled around the room while Voldemort glowered at his snake. *At least I don't make people need to go to the spa!*
*Are you sure about that Tom, because Boglins and the Cruci-what-us Curse are very stressful.*
*So is dealing with you!*
*How do you even know what a spa is, Tom? Have you been peeking into people's heads again?*
"I want to go to the spa," Hannah commented.
"Hannah," Fenrir sighed warningly.
Rodolphus continued to open his presents while quietly wishing to go to a spa – he had no idea what it was but as long as it got him away from his very stressful friends and family for a moment, he frankly didn't care. So much so that it took him a moment to consider that a spa was perhaps a Muggle thing.
Again.
Bella had given him new robes and a book called A First Time Father's Guide To Raising A Good Pureblood Wizard. Mr. Mupples had risked defenestration by giving Rodolphus some rather risqué books on how best to pleasure one's partner and some questionable colouring books. Antonin had pushed Rodolphus's buttons further by gifting the Lestrange Heir a bunch of skull hookahs that started to sing Happy Birthday rather obnoxiously the moment they were unwrapped. Walden had given Rodolphus a mirror that enjoyed taking the absolute mickey out of his appearance. From Augustus and Thorfinn – apparently, they had worked together – he had gotten a magically modified crossbow that shot lightning instead of normal crossbow bolts.
Rabastan had given him jars of Muggle sweets with a Calm Down Medication label stuck to the jar. Basti had the nerve to attempt to look innocent, which made Rodolphus want to kick his younger brother. Lysander had somehow got his hands on the owl that was rumoured to be possessed, which caused a good laugh to ripple around the room. Alecto and Amycus had gotten him some ugly bamboo socks with ridiculous patterns on it; Rodolphus wanted to sell both of them back to Azkaban for those. He quietly hoped that Avior and Balthazar would have some mercy on him, but Rodolphus had forgotten that his father's friends had a mean streak of their own.
An eagle grooming kit. Brilliant; Rodolphus almost forgot that he had another bloody bird to consider.
Fortunately, Jugson and Travers had stuck to gifting him Firewhiskey. Rodolphus spelled that bottle in an instant to make sure that Lucius could not get his well-manicured hands on it.
Speaking of the Malfoys, he had gotten a bunch of scented bath potions from them – well, Narcissa and then forcing Lucius to sign the card. Never in a million years did
Rodolphus believe he would use these, but he had gotten to the point where he might join Hannah on that spa trip.
Already Rodolphus wanted to go to bed, but couldn't. He knew that there was no way in Hell that any of his treacherous family and friends would cancel this stupid paintball trip, especially since Rabastan and Augustus 'prepared' for it, but that couldn't stop him from taking a nap until then.
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"Sooooo, how much are we betting that these weirdos are going to show up?" Gordon asked as he swigged back his Cola.
"A cake, courtesy of Potter," Piers smirked. "He still owes us cake!"
Dudley scoffed. "You can't bet something that someone else is giving, Piers!"
"Just did," Piers petulantly answered.
"I bet a ride on Dud's new bike that they will," Malcolm added with a grin.
Dudley huffed again. "Leave me bike out of this, Malcolm."
Dudley was of half a mind to buy some more burgers and fries just to keep his friends quiet. His eyes travelled more than a couple of times to the entrance of the paintballing centre, looking for anyone who looked remotely like a Dark wizard or a werewolf that was trying not to draw attention to themselves. He was a little disappointed that Dennis had called in sick. It meant they were down in numbers, which could make things tricky.
Dudley tensed a couple of times until he realised that the people coming in were dressed up as a group of reapers, which made him scoff at himself.
"They could have gotten lost," Gordon threw out there, drawing Dudley back out his train of thought.
"Could be. Hopefully not – Dud, did Potter say if these guys are good at driving?" Malcolm asked.
"According to Harry, none of them know how to drive," Dudley responded honestly.
"Oh boy," Piers cackled. "They better hire a bus then!"
"Or ask someone else to drive." Gordon pointed out. "They must have a neighbour or something who knows how to drive."
Before Dudley could get his friends to stop listing the rather amusing, normal ways the Dark wizards could take, the lobby of the paintballing arena was soon buzzing with noise. Noise that he recognised in an instant.
"-Bella, for the thousandth time, Mr. Mupples will not be joining in on account that he is a plushie!"
"I will not leave Mr. Mupples with the Mug – I mean, unattended!"
"Put him in a locker then!"
"Basti, don't be heartless. Mr. Mupples hates the dark!"
Yep. Lord Voldemort and his Death Munchers had finally arrived; Dudley smirked to himself as he sipped the last of his Coke. It seemed that he was going to be able to have his fun after all.
Dudley had made a list of targets for himself. Captain Red-Eyes on behalf of Uncle James, Aunt Lily and Harry. Rodolphus and Rabastan were both on list on behalf of Neville, together with Bellatrix. Though Neville was a little dorky and weird, no one deserved to lose their parents to Curse happy Dark wizards. Dudley had been more than happy to promise Longbottom to give the three Lestranges a spraying each.
"I need coffee," came the firm, crisp statement from one of the witches. Dudley and his mates watched as a rather elegant woman strode into the cafeteria, headed straight for the workers while huffily taking off her black velvet gloves. Her face and posture exuded status and refinement. Dudley had a sneaky feeling he had just seen Narcissa Malfoy willingly come into a Muggle packed area, and talk to a Muggle in order to get a drink. Problem was this woman was not blonde at all so Dudley could not be certain.
And then he remembered something about Glamours …
Bugger. That could throw a spanner in the works.
"An excellent idea, Narcissa."
The next gentleman was kind enough to confirm Dudley's suspicions. This man was perhaps in his late sixties, early seventies. He had a rather sharp but decent looking face for his age with dark hair that curled a little. He was dressed in a crisp pair of black trousers and a black shirt. Still rather uptight for a paintball fight but definitely more appropriate than what Narcissa was wearing.
There was a dangerous calm tone to this man's voice – one that fortunately rang familiar in Dudley's ears. This time, he was willing to bet that this man, was the most feared Dark Lord that had the wizards going barmy. Dudley smirked to himself a little; perhaps the Glamours would not pose much of a problem after all.
He had heard their voices before.
While Dudley continued to study the disguised Death Munchers closely, his friends were more absorbed by Narcissa and Voldemort attempting to buy a cup of coffee, and then being absolutely flabbergasted that there was … more than one type of coffee.
"I … I do not know what to pick…"
Voldemort clearly had no idea how to handle this situation well. "Narcissa, just pick one – people are staring!"
"Good grief, they really do not go out much, do they?" Gordon commented, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Surely they have had a cappuccino before …" Malcolm really did not know what to make of this situation.
"Apparently not," Piers snorted. "Good grief."
Dudley tried to ignore his mates as he watched the Death Munchers and the disguised werewolves register themselves at the desk with a very tired and perhaps slightly underpaid employee dressed up as a ghost. Fortunately it seemed the one of the more level-headed of the group – Rabastan or Augustus – was sorting that; Dudley could practically dance when he heard that the Munchers would be in the arena at the same time as him and his friends.
Perfect.
"How long do we have to wait?" Dudley heard one of the kids ask.
"Another fifteen minutes."
Also perfect.
Narcissa had finally settled on a cappuccino, much to the relief of Voldemort. The pair had settled with their coffee at a nearby table, which made Dudley really regret not bringing a camera, because he knew that his mad cousin would have loved to see this rather terrifyingly normal images. He noted that the pockets of the Dark Lord's robes moved, no doubt Nagini and Thalia getting cranky that they had to stay hidden.
This idea made Dudley grin a little.
"Hey! I know you boys. You're the kids from the bowling alley."
Dudley, Piers, Gordon and Malcolm all looked up to see Rabastan grinning at them, looking a little surprised. Gordon was the first to answer. "Yeah. You remember us, sir?"
"How could I forget that fun competition? It was quite fun. Sorry, though, if we were a little vicious. The other group – well, let's just say we have history with them."
Piers smirked a little at that. "Yeah, we gathered as much, sir. It's OK, though. Made it a lot more fun."
Rabastan looked rather relieved at that. His 'friends', though, were not too happy that he was bothering the boys though. "Rabastan," Voldemort stated in a voice full of authority, "come away. Don't bother them any longer."
The younger Lestrange obeyed, but his verbal remark was noted. A few of the Glamoured wizards paid better attention to the Muggle boys, though, Dudley tried not let get to him. After all, these parent-killers and parent-torturers could potentially look inside his head.
"So, we're stuck with those Mug- I mean, boys again? Brilliant," Alecto – Dudley suspected she was Alecto – grumbled.
"Alecto, shush," Balthazar Mulciber sighed, already looking like he needed a stiff drink, or five of them.
If everything went according to plan, you won't just be dealing with us, you stupid wandwavers, Dudley sneered internally.
The Fates really had learned from the best about how to take cues, because precisely after Dudley had that thought, the third group in their section arrived. Loudly, obviously – and soon had Rodolphus Lestrange putting his head on the table in absolute despair.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" the older wizard wailed, making Dudley have to pretend to sneeze in order to hide his grin behind his hands.
Much to Dudley's disappointment, Dumbledore was not amongst the group; instead this time, the Order was led by none other than Nymphadora I-Hate-The-Name-My-Mother-Picked-For-Me-With-A-Flaming-Passion Tonks, which made Macnair, Dolohov and Rabastan smirk not so subtly in the direction of Corban Yaxley. The latter's face looked redder than a tomato. With them was the wizard with dwarfism from last time – Flitwick? – as well as Arthur Weasley, Kingsley, Mad Eye Moody and two women Dudley did not recognise.
However, Bellatrix kindly identified one of them for him. "ANDIE! Look, Cissy, Andie is here! Yes, Mr. Mupples, Aunt Andromeda is going to play the filthy Mug- mundane game too!"
Piers, Malcolm and Gordon had no idea what to think; Dudley very nearly stabbed himself with a spoon to stop himself from laughing.
"Bella, settle down!" Narcissa chastised with a sigh.
Dudley took a moment to look at the new witch. Now that he actually looked at her, he could see the uncanny family resemblance, even in the Glamour, especially between Bellatrix and Andie. Andie was a copy of her sister except she didn't look manic, or skeletal. Plus, Andie dressed more normally in black jeans, a shirt and a black denim jacket.
The other witch, was apparently one Alice Ferrars. Avior Avery was promptly met with knowing looks as well.
"Where's the old coot, Nymphadora?" Rodolphus sneered. "Stuck knitting a new pair of socks?"
"It's Tonks, Uncle!" Tonks answered brightly. "Since it's your birthday, I will let it pass. As for Dumbledore, he is making a new outfit for Fawkes. Apparently, someone has taken to dressed the phoe – I mean, pet bird up in weird shepherdess clothes and Fawkes now likes it."
Piers, Gordon and Malcolm all snorted at hearing that. Fortunately the Death Munchers snorted at hearing that too.
"Plus, Severus tried to hex me when I tried to get him to come, so I decided to ask Mother to join us," Tonks continued. "Our mysterious benefactor had an extra ticket in our packet so I thought Alice might enjoy a good game of paintball."
"Have you ever played paintball, Miss Ferrars?" the disguised Lord Voldemort asked curiously.
"Once or twice, but it has been years," Alice answered, not in the least bit intimidated at the fact she was facing a murderous maniac. Dudley already liked her nerve; he could see why a Death Muncher would fancy her.
"This should be interesting then," one of the older werewolves commented.
"Who are your opponents, Flaming Chickens?" Macnair sneered lightly.
"Rather fittingly, you," Arthur Weasley informed brightly. "And a group called the Ghostbusters."
Piers, Malcolm and Gordon waved cheerily the moment they were mentioned. The Weasley patriarch waved rather back. Yes, Dudley let Malcolm pick the name, and yes – Dudley regretted that decision almost immediately. Still, it was better than Paintball Nightmares, which is what Piers went with.
"Fuck me," was all Rodolphus had to say to that.
"Lighten up, Uncle! Who knows? You might actually get a shot in," Tonks could not help but tease.
Rodolphus glared at his niece for that comment. Dudley could have chuckled to himself; this was going to be good!
When finally it was their group's turn to prepare for 'battle', Dudley watched the wizards prepare. Most of them really did not know how to handle a gun! A few misfires went off, loud enough to sound like fireworks. Also, cases of friendly fire, which made their instructor look like he needed a drink.
"OWWW! Amy, you rotten cabbage! That was my butt!"
"Antonin, watch where you aim that thing!"
"I thought you guys played DOOM! That's not how you handle a gun!"
"Fenrir, that was my foot!"
"Filieus, you are lucky that was not my good leg!"
This was going to be absolutely chaotic, and Dudley already revelled in it. He almost didn't pay attention to the instructions. Even more so when he saw the arena. A haunted house with haunted graveyard – plenty of running space and plenty of hiding spaces for snipers. Instructors and referees were dressed as various monsters; pumpkin skeletons, werewolves, vampires and botched monsters of Frankenstein.
The werewolf costumes were funnier than usual because Dudley spied several werewolves having to cool Fenrir's vexation at the grotesque misrepresentation of their kind.
To make things a little fairer, the three groups were released in different areas of the house. Dudley tried to keep somewhat of an eye on where the Lestrange brothers, Bellatrix with Mr. Mupples on her back and Lord Voldemort went, but he was not entirely certain if they planned to roam around or go for the sniper strategy.
So, Dudley decided to get an ally. Dudley knew that Piers's great ambition was to join the army as a sniper, and his mate had a pretty decent aim.
"Piers, ya want to earn an extra cake?"
His best mate lit up in an instant as they entered the haunted kitchen. "I'm all ears, Big D."
"If you manage to shoot Rodolphus, Rabastan, Bellatrix and the aloof creep seven times each, I will get ya another chocolate cake."
Piers cackled manically. "Ooooooo you are so on, Big D!"
Then, the claxon sounded and Malcolm whooped. "It's on, boys! Let's get 'em!"
Dudley knew that his team were at a disadvantage when it came to the small amount of team members. But they had the advantage in that this was not their first time paintballing. Plus, because of Piers wanting to go into the army, they also knew how to properly scope a room. The wizards … did not.
This was evident within the first ten minutes of the game. You see, for whatever reason, Dolohov, Macnair and both Carrow twins thought it was be a good idea to stick their heads around the doors before entering a room to check for potential enemies. All four of them were met by offensively orange, yellow and white paintballs straight into their masks, forcing them to put up their hands to signify they were out. Yes, Alice, Flitwick, Gordon and Malcolm were very smug at their hits.
Some of the younger werewolves, such as Izzy, Phoebe and Sebastian had undergone a kind of berserkergangr and refused to listen to Crystal, Lydia and Rhydian when they said to not simply rush into a room. Cue a lot of werewolf children moping because they got splattered in an instant by a rather vigilant and well-hidden Piers, lurking on a balcony above the graveyard.
As for Dudley, he caught Tonks by surprise, had to dodge Andromeda's shot and managed to shoot Arthur Weasley in the haunted parlour just as the strange wizard was going on an enthusiastic babble about the 'ingenuity of Muggles turning weapons into something fun' to Flitwick, who quickly made his escape before Dudley could get him too. But Dudley didn't bother chasing after Flitwick. The little wizard was not his main target.
He found one of them fast enough. Bellatrix, it might not be surprising, was a little trigger happy and was cackling away as she tried to chase down Alice Ferrars while singing creepy horror movie songs. He knew it was Bellatrix because of Mr. Mupples bouncing up and down on her back as she ran. Dudley was sorely tempted to just let the manic witch just have her fun because he saw some of the instructors pause with concern.
But no. Dudley was in no mood for mercy. He followed Bellatrix as carefully as he could, actually shooting two disguised wizards before they even knew what was happening and finally took aim when Alice led them both into one of the haunted bedrooms. Dudley first shot Mr. Mupples and then hit Bellatrix on the shoulder.
Bella pouted. "Awwwww, I have been hit by the filthy Mug- normal boy! Are you OK, Mr. Mupples?!"
Dudley did not wait around to be shot by Alice. He fled further down the corridor, keeping his eyes open and watching himself near open doors. A good thing too because several times bullets flew past his head from a sniper. It seemed that one or more of the wizards were rather fast learners.
But not fast enough. Soon, Dudley came onto one of the balconies and saw a gun battle between Mad Eye Moody, Andromeda Tonks, Voldemort and Balthazar Mulciber. He very nearly wished that he had smuggled in some popcorn because the battle was rather good. It seemed the wizards were playing some kind of game of Predict Where The Enemy Would Go because no matter where Captain Cueball and his ally hid, Mad Eye seemed to know exactly where they would be.
"ANDROMEDA! MULCIBER TO YOUR RIGHT! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" the strange man barked.
"Alastor, STOP SHOUTING AT ME!"
*Tom, STOP MOVING SO FAST! YOU ARE MAKING THALIA SEASICK!*
*Thalia, we are not at sea!*
*Thalia is going to upchuck! Not good! Thalia vomit is very difficult to remove. No amount of washing will make Tom's clothes smell nice. Tom will be stuck as Lord Stinkycloak!*
Dudley desperately tried to think of his Maths teacher's boring drawl to stop himself from laughing as he already took aim at Lord Voldemort. He had no idea how he was able to understand the snakes but he guessed it had something to do with that translator Luna sent. Dudley waited …
He then fired once he knew the Dark Lord's back was turned. His head became splattered in orange and white, causing Mad Eye to chuckle and Andromeda to whoop. Dudley smirked to himself, even as Grandpa Tom turned around and glared up at him. He made his escape just as Balthazar shot up at him but Dudley didn't make it into another room.
In the corridor, Rabastan had his gun directed at Dudley, and Dudley had his gun trained on the youngest Lestrange. The Dark wizard chuckled a little. "You boys are rather good at this. You're the first Ghostbuster I've caught!"
Dudley smirked. "Yeah? Well, numbers ain't everything."
"True," Rabastan didn't move. "So, how do you want to do this, boy? Temporary truce, or shall we see who gets the other out first?"
"You think your reflexes are up to it, old man?" Dudley could not help but challenge. Clearly, his mad cousin had been rubbing off him!
For a moment, Dudley thought he might get cursed or hexed or jinxed, but Rabastan pouted a little playfully. "I am not that old, cheeky shit!"
"We'll see," Dudley smirked. "On the count of three. One … two … three!"
The Muggle and the Death Muncher fired at the exact same time. They both got splattered with orange, yellow and white, but Dudley smirked when he noticed that Rabastan got painted first. They both staggered back a little but put their hands up into the air.
"That was fun!" Rabastan whooped. "Best birthday outing ever and it's not even my birthday!"
Dudley chuckled.
Soon, a vampire and pumpkin skeleton came to collect them. As they were being led to the exit, Dudley prayed that Piers had not gotten himself shot as well and could get to Rodolphus. But he wasn't entirely dissatisfied. He had gotten three out of the four of his targets.
One of whom was glowering at him the moment he and Rabastan were brought into the waiting area with the other people who were out. Arthur Weasley was listening intently to the werewolf children explain different Muggle games. Other kids, such as Izzy, were being entertained by Tonks literally pulling duck faces and rabbit faces, giggling away. Dolohov, Macnair and the Carrows were quietly bickering. Bellatrix was talking to Mr. Mupples about 'Cousin Dora's funny faces' Lord Voldemort glared daggers at Dudley who decided to join Tonks, who stopped using her powers when the Muggles came in. Avior Avery and Corban Yaxley were also not too happy with Dudley; as it turns out, he had shot them out of the game.
"Boy, I could go for McDonald's or something after that!" Rabastan commented happily.
"At least you got to play properly!" Dolohov sniffed.
"That's because he wasn't being a dingbat," Tonks commented. "Who sticks their head first into a room anyway?"
"Him, apparently," Dudley smirked.
More bickering ensued and Dudley sat back and relaxed while trying to ignore the daggers being shot at him by the Dark Lord sitting on the opposite benches.
Damn, the guy really is a sore loser! Dudley thought to himself, wondering if he would even wake up tomorrow.
However, it seemed his sentiment was shared by Voldie's snakes.
*Tom, Thalia knows you are being Lord Mopeymort right now. Stop it!*
*Look at the bright side, Tom. Now your cloak doesn't smell of Thalia puke and Nagini tears.*
Dudley bit into his cheeks to stop himself from laughing in the face of Lord Voldemort. Now that would definitely be worth something on a gravestone!
Here lies Dudley Emmanuel Dursley,
Beloved son and absolute legend who laughed in Lord Voldemort's face
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By now, it will come as no surprise to anyone that Draco Malfoy could smell trouble from about two miles off. If Saint Potter and Team Prank had taught the Malfoy heir anything, it was to keep a sharper eye out for mischief and smell a plot begin in its infancy. However, that day his Harry Senses had not gone off, which was surprising considering it was Uncle Rodolphus's birthday, but his Blaise and Millicent Senses were blaring in his head.
The entire day, something had not been right at all with his childhood friends. Most of the day, both Blaise and Millie would be their usual, peppy, cheeky and sassy selves, but then the next minute, it would change. There would be moments in the day where, both of them would get this vacant expression in their eyes, as they would be put under some kind of trance. Daphne, Pansy and Theo had tracked them and stopped them several times that day, heading back towards the dungeons and towards this desolate area near the Slytherin dungeons instead of heading to class. Each time an Aguamenti to the face had to be used in order to knock Blaise and Millie back onto earth and back to their senses.
More importantly, each time Blaise and Millie would get annoyed at being soaked to the bone, and would not remember a single thing about what they had been doing.
Though he had his own problems to deal with, when his friends brought this problem to his attention, the Vanishing Cabinet took a little bit of a back seat in Draco's mind. This one was a persistent problem, and Draco had a funny feeling that it was not going to go away any time soon.
Indeed, Draco suspected that it was only about to get worse.
It's like they are acting like Princess Aurora with that spinning wheel, under Maleficent's curse, he found his internal monologue musing to itself.
Draco pushed that thought away from the forefront of his mind, blanching at himself for the ridiculous comparison. Or at least, he tried to convince himself that it was ridiculous. Hedwig certainly did not think it was ridiculous when Draco told her about what had been going on.
For once, the owl contemplated telling Harry what was going on because this did not sound good at all. However, Hedwig did not need to betray her friend because Justin, Luna, Colin and Dennis had done her job for her. Justin had witnessed a Blaise and Millicent Go Aurora episode in Ancient Runes; Hermione had been too absorbed in her translation to notice anything but Justin had been having a migraine and thus had been happily distracted. As for Luna, she had been trying to put XM's music pieces together up in the trophy room while hiding away from the Nargles when she had seen Blaise and Millicent attempt to give the trophy cabinet a new lick of paint – until she saw this eerie blue light enter the room, the two Snakes go completely ga-ga and would have followed that odd light had Luna not put them under a Body Bind.
Luna had seen a lot of things in her life, and had a very good idea that the blue light was not a good thing.
Colin and Dennis, on their part, had been the ones to capture a photo of Daphne, Pansy and Daphne's little sister Astoria Stupefy Millicent after the latter had tried to jump from staircase-to-staircase mid transition of the staircases. The Creevey brothers had not the foggiest idea what the heck had been happening but it was clear that Millicent Bulstrode was weirder than normal.
Draco suspected he would beat his father already to getting silver hairs. That evening he, Vincent, Gregory, Theo, Daphne and Pansy kept a close eye on Blaise and Millicent – Vincent looked ready to sit on Blaise at any given moment – while attempting to get some work done. Well, Blaise, Vincent and Gregory were playing Exploding Snap, but Draco supposed it was better than nothing. He was just glad that Blaise and Millie had been relatively normal from dinner until now.
He had been tempted to bring Uncle Severus into this matter but held off, thinking it was not necessary.
Poor Draco. He should have gone to get help.
After about an hour and thirty minutes of peace, Theo put down his Arithmancy work and yawned. "So, are we still raiding the kitchens tonight?"
Bloody hell, Draco thought to himself.
Raiding the kitchens was a time-honoured tradition at Halloween in the Slytherin dungeons. No one fully remembered the reason why the Snakes always chose Samhain to raid the kitchens; rumour had it, it all started with a race between the Badgers and the Snakes to get the most food before the Halloween sprites could get to them but Draco did not think it was true.
"Aren't we getting a little old for this game?" Daphne rolled her eyes.
"No one is too old for cookies and cake, Daph," Blaise shook his head at her in mock disappointment.
"And it means less cookies and cake for the Badgers," Vincent smirked.
"To be honest, I am getting slightly peckish," Pansy added, looking a little embarrassed.
"OK, that means Daphne is out-voted!" Gregory was soon up on his feet. "Let's go raiding!"
"I did not get a vote!" Draco protested. "And I agree with Daph."
"OK, so your vote is vetoed."
"Blaise!"
"Drakey-poo, you and Daph are still out-voted."
"Excuse you, Millie still needs to vote!"
Unfortunately for Daphne, her friend did not concur with her at all.
"Joke's on you, Daph, I want my cookies!"
Daphne and Draco huffed in exasperation in perfect unison. Both of them were forced to tail after their friends towards the kitchens, having to hide on one occasion from Dumbledore, who had come out of the kitchens, whistling a jaunty tune while levitating several mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows. At first, the Slytherins all believed that those mugs were all for their rather kooky Headmaster, but then they all spied the names of the rest of the faculty on the mugs.
None of them knew quite what to do with themselves when they spied their Head of House's name in an offensive lilac colour on a green mug with a sleeping dragon under the name. Blaise had been fighting the urge to guffaw out loud; Theo assisted his friend by kicking him in the shin. Blaise winced but kept the volume down.
"What the hell, Theo?!" Blaise demanded once the coast was clear.
"Your laughter sounds like a seal dying. You would have gotten us all caught!" Theo attempted to look innocent. It did not really pan out as he had hoped.
"I'll get you back for that," Blaise vowed.
Daphne huffed and gave both boys a pointed look, which was the pureblood equivalent of giving someone a whack around the head. "Could we please compose ourselves for one minute?" she demanded. "Let's get the food and get back before the Badgers come out for their raid and war is waged in the kitchen."
No one argued with that point. The Snakes cautiously opened the doorway to the kitchen and carefully stuck their heads around the door to make sure that the coast was clear. Apart from the crackling of the huge fireplace, there was not an elf in sight to guard the vast array of Halloween goodies that had been prepared. Plates full of Cauldron Cakes, Pumpkin Pasties, orange and black lollipops, spider-shaped cakes, bat cakes and cat cakes were left out on the table, causing mouths to water, including Draco and Daphne's, though they would be the last to admit it.
Indeed, if one would take a deep dive into Draco Malfoy's pockets, one would always find some sort of cake or sugary treat hidden away in there, including in the inner pockets. Draco had earned himself more than a few detentions and a threat to sew all of his pockets shut by Professor McGonagall with the number of times he had been caught bringing food in his pockets.
Thus, those well-trained pockets were put to very good use on their sixth annual Halloween kitchen raid. As he filled his inner pockets with lollipops and bat cakes, Draco perhaps internally rescinded the sentiment that he was too old for these raids. He thought that they would be boring by now, but they were not.
Even Pansy and Daphne getting hit in the face by fairy cakes that had originally been aimed at Theo by Blaise still got Draco to splutter at the expense of his friends.
Neither heiress, however, were amused.
"Blaise! Theo! How old are you two exactly?!" Daphne thundered. "We are here for the goodies, and not to leave a mess for the elves!"
"Why do you boys always have to be so immature?!" Pansy added, glaring at the both of them.
Blaise chuckled. "Oh come on, girls! Lighten up. We're just having fun; to be fair, you got hit because Theo dodged."
"This isn't funny!" Pansy snapped.
"Panse, it is just a bit of icing, and it didn't even get in your hair. Calm-"
Blaise abruptly stopped defending himself. Suddenly, his whole body language went rigid and that vacant look that Draco and the others had come to dread took hold in his eyes once more. The jovial expression that had been there was wiped away, leaving nothing but eerie stoicism that did not look right on Blaise Zabini at all.
Heart pounding in his ears, Draco turned to look at Millicent, as did the rest of the unenchanted Snakes. Once more, the Bulstrode heiress was in a state not too dissimilar to the one Blaise was in, staring ahead of her at nothing in particular.
"Oh no. Not again," Vincent groaned, verbalising everyone's inner thoughts.
"Does anyone know why this keeps happening?" Gregory asked as he readied his wand.
"No," Draco answered coolly, "but I say we find out and put an end to this. Once and for all."
Theo turned pale at that suggestion just as Blaise and Millicent turned tail and headed straight for the kitchen door. "Draco, are you mad? What if they lead us to some kind of opening to the Otherworld?"
"Then we will deal with the fairies," Draco stated simply as he started to follow Blaise and Millicent out, followed closely by Gregory and Vincent. Daphne was the third to follow, only then followed by Pansy and Theo, both of whom thought this nonsense was at least going to cost them an eye.
Of course, Draco hoped and prayed silently that fairies had nothing to do with this. He knew he was cunning, but not cunning enough to deal with the slippery nature of the Fae. Plus, he also knew that his magic was not powerful enough to fight a being who had the ability to put two people simultaneously under compulsion. Draco had tried not to audibly gulp when his silvery-blue eyes rested on the size of the blue orbs that held Blaise and Millicent under its power.
This one was far bigger, and crackled with power.
"Ah! Would you look at that! Did I not tell you, Luna? Told you that the Snakes have gotten to the kitchen before we did!"
As if Draco truly believed that this night could not get any worse, there came the irritatingly refined notes of Justin Finch-Fletchley with one of the creepiest, scariest Ravenclaws that Hogwarts had ever produced next to him. Draco and his friends attempted to pay them no mind.
"Sod off, Finch-Fletchley! We have bigger concerns right now," Theo snarled at the Muggleborn Hufflepuff.
Justin noted immediately. "Zabini and Bulstrode are acting strangely again?"
"It is none of your concern, Mudblood!" Pansy sneered. "Go and poke your muddy nose into someone else's business!"
It seemed that Pansy Parkinson had forgotten one very important thing; both Justin and Luna were members of Team Prank. They were not particularly good at minding their own business anymore. As such, as the Snakes tailed their two friends down further into the dungeons, Justin fished out his own magically-enhanced mobile and dialled Harry's number.
He did not need to wait too long for the Boy-Who-Had-Been-Trying-To-Make-Sure-That-This-Halloween-Would-Be-Quiet-and-Uneventful to pick up.
"Tell me, Justin."
"It's happened again, General, and this time it seems to be going away," Justin responded simply. "Bulstrode and Zabini have gone ga-ga again."
"Are you alone?"
"No, I am with Luna. I was going to teach her how to do a Halloween kitchen raid."
"Follow the Snakes, but don't do anything that will start a fight you can't win. I am going to round up the others – we're coming your way."
Harry had hung up the phone before Justin could get another word in. He and Luna exchanged a look, before they did as they were told and hurried a little to catch the tail of the Slytherins.
Perhaps they would regret it later; Draco certainly did. The orb had led Blaise and Millie – and thus their pursuers – down a corridor near the Slytherin common room that no one had dared to traverse. Next to Serpent Corridor, this particular corridor carried more rumours and legends than was comfortable. All the while, Draco felt his heart try to escape his chest in pure fear and dread. He could practically feel his friends begin to bunch up to make sure there were safety in numbers.
What in the name of Morgana have these two done? Draco's mind started spinning. Where is this orb taking us? Salazar Slytherin's secret bathhouse?
The Malfoy heir got his answer soon enough when they came to an abrupt halt in front of a heavy stone door, embedded with effigies of dragons and snakes. The sight of it made him whiter than freshly fallen snow.
This was not good …
He was doubly convinced that they were in about three mountains of hippogriff dung when he saw the inside of the room. Rows after rows of books that were hundreds of years old; manuscripts to the first bound printed books. Most of them Draco found that he could not read at all, and he had a sinking feeling as to why that was, but that was soon of very little concern to him.
Blaise and Millicent headed straight to two stone statues of a goddess Draco did not recognise. His eyes almost bugged out of his sockets when he realised that the eyes of the statues were glowing the same eerie blue colour as the orb had done. The air hummed and pulsed with a kind of dangerous magic Draco had never felt before; Blaise and Millicent stretched out their arms, both reaching towards the heads of the statues, suddenly chanting in a guttural, hissing language.
Oh no.
Gregory and Vincent leapt into action, determined to try and stop their friends from doing something foolish.
The magical presence in the room did not like that one bit. The next thing that the Slytherins knew, was that the snakes and the dragon effigies around the room, had come alive and wrapped themselves tightly around the interfering interlopers. Gregory and Vincent tried to squeeze out of their captors, but to no avail. Daphne and Pansy tried to get their dragons on fire but their magic just bounced limply off them. Theo tried sticking his wand in the eyes of his dragon; that only served to ensure the dragon squeezed even more tightly on him.
Draco surprised himself that he did not fight his snake as it wrapped around him. Instead, he focused his energy on trying to knock sense into Blaise and Millicent – by shouting.
"BLAISE! MILLIE! SNAP OUT OF IT!"
"Draco, save your breath!" Gregory shouted.
The eerie chanting continued, and that was how Justin and Luna found them. The Hufflepuff paled dangerously, while Luna's eyes were immediately drawn to the strange, glowing statues.
"What the Dickens …" Justin managed to utter.
"Don't you two knuckleheads just stand there! Do something!" Theo wailed as he continued to bully his captor with different spells.
"No," Luna replied serenely, not looking away from the statues. "We cannot – if we do, we end up like you… We need to let this happen…"
"I knew your name was Looney, but I didn't think you'd live up to it!" Pansy snapped.
Luna did not answer. Draco wanted to agree with Pansy, but he found that he could not disagree with Luna; whatever it was, would just do the same to Finch-Fletchley and Lovegood. They simply needed to sit back and watch.
Suddenly, the magical light in the tiny room got intense. So intense, that everyone needed to squint their eyes. But once it was over, once the light had died down, Blaise and Millicent had slumped to the floor, limp, like puppets whose strings had been cut. That would have been their friends' main concern, had their eyes not met with a sight they never thought they would see.
Spirits. The whole room was filled with spirits, about a dozen of them, but these were not just any ghosts. There were many Draco did not recognise, but there were also plenty that made his heart skip a few beats. One, was Cedric Diggory – unmistakably so. Two others; one looked so much like the Boy-Who-Makes-Dark-Lords-Lose-Their-Non-existent-Hair that Draco thought for a moment that the Dark Lord finally had enough of Potter's shit, and the other, a woman with red hair, and eyes with the exact shame shade of green in Harry's eyes. They were both no older than twenty-one, at the least.
"Shit," Draco verbalised his thoughts out loud.
James and Lily Potter!
Next to them, was the ghost of Sirius Black, smiling as broadly as ever, and his mother's favourite cousin, Regulus. Draco recognised him instantly from photographs around the house. Standing there with that cherubic face, a bow-lip smile and black curly hair, dressed in black.
No one dared to move, no one dared to say anything. This was how Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Dean, Neville, Seamus, Collin and Dennis found everyone and were soon frozen to the spot, eyes bugging out of their sockets at the sight of several familiar and unfamiliar spirits.
There was another moment of silence.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Ron's exclamation was rather apt.
######################################################################################################### Let's just see how he deals with the Halloween chaos first! Muhahahahahhahahaha cough, cough. Yes, I am alive. Only just. I want to also thank everyone who continues to give their ideas! I have saved a few of them again and want to try and incorporate them as best as I can, but I hope this chapter has given all of you a few more giggles! Kingmaker'sUmbreon
Yep, Blaise and Millie really did fuck up this time, didn't they? This Halloween is going to be fun! Hehehehehehehehe! And Dudley might have caught a tinge of the Harry Mania; I don't think Voldie is simply going to take this lying down …