4Author's Note: I did it, I made chapter two and I hope you enjoy it.
Shinji finished buttoning up one of his white shirts and buckling a belt around a pair of black plants that comprised most of his wardrobe as he got ready to head out. Having taken a shower and packed some clothes and other necessities for the night in his bag, he was now ready to go and stay over at Rei's apartment.
It was already almost six pm and he hadn't even asked Misato yet whether he could leave for the night, as he decided the best plan to guarantee that Misato would let him stay out for the night would be to tell her at the last minute and leave before she could possibly protest. Could it possibly irk Misato a little? Yes, and if it did, she would probably lecture him the next chance she got, but he wanted to see Rei more than he did not getting lectured. It wasn't like he was injured or anything from the angel. He hardly even remembered what happened when he was stuck inside of it, other than feeling exhausted and being really scared. But he was fine now, he was safe and sound, and the angel was dead. It didn't bother him now, so he didn't really think it mattered anymore. If anything, it seemed like it effected Misato and Rei more than it did him.
The brown haired boy still felt bad about making Rei worry so much about him however, even if it was by accident, and wanted to try to make it up to her. Shinji also just enjoyed spending time with her, even if it was only when they were alone that she actually acted like they were dating. He just felt happier with her, and she actually appreciated him, having thanked him when he did so little as tidy up a few things around her apartment, something he scarcely if ever gets at home. They also had sex sometimes so that was definitely a plus.
Slinging his bag strap over his shoulder, he walked out of his room, closing the door behind him as he did so. His room was… smaller compared to Misatos and Asukas. While of course Misato has a bigger room, seeing as she owns the apartment, Asukas room was originally his room, but when Asuka had arrived in Japan, Misato had her moved into her apartment as well. And of course, Asuka threw all of his stuff out of his room and made him think he was being kicked out. While he didn't get kicked out, Misato did Shinji move into his current room which is the equivalent of a closet, but at least a large one at that.
Though he'd be lying if he said that it didn't irritate him, but he also wasn't going to voice his opinion as it would probably make him seem ungrateful and only start trouble.
Shaking his head, Shinji just focused on leaving right now. He didn't have to worry about Asuka popping out and questioning where he was going as she apparently didn't come home last night, opting to stay at a friend's house, which probably meant she was at Hikari's, as who else would she stay the night with.
Walking down the hallway and into the living room, he could see Misato in the kitchen as she was drinking a can of beer while sitting at the table in her comfy clothes. He quickly rushed through the kitchen to the front door and slipped into his shoes before quickly blurted out, "I'm going to go stay over at a friend's house. Be back tomorrow, bye!"
And was about to make it out the door before getting stopped by the sound of Misato's voice.
"Now wait just a sec!" She exclaimed, causing the boy to stop in place.
'Dammit, too slow' the boy thought before poking his head into the kitchen and watching as the woman now held her beer on the table as she looked at him.
"You could've told me earlier that you were planning on going over to a friend's house" She said with a lax expression.
"Oh um yeah, It ah slipped my mind" Shinji said as he rubbed the back of his head, trying to appear genuine.
"Hmm…. Well try not to forget next time 'kay?" She told him.
"O-ok, um see you later" He replied as he went to leave, only to be stopped again.
"I can give you a ride if you need one" She called out to him. Making the boy peak back into the kitchen.
"That's alright, I was just gonna walk, I'll see you later Misato" Shinji stated before quickly walking out the front door and closing it behind him, only barely hearing Misato's tell him "Bye"
Letting out a sigh and heading out of the apartment complex, Shinji started to walk in the direction of Rei's apartment, taking the route he has by now memorized to get to Rei's apartment building.
Back before he and Rei started dating, he had only been to Rei's apartment a couple of times. As he didn't want to bother her by coming over and being an intrusion, but it was different since they got together. He always tried to help with something when he went to visit, which was at least once a week. As he thought about it, he actually hadn't been hanging out with Toji or Kensuke all too much recently outside of school. In fact, the only friend he has really hung out with lately was Kaworu, the newest eva pilot.
Shinji liked Kaworu. The gray haired boy was very nice and understanding. It was also nice that he was also a male eva pilot. It was something he was able to connect to, as despite how much he loves Rei, and even though he lives with Asuka, the two female eva pilots have left him more than confused numerous times while working at Nerv. Kaworu hasn't done so nearly as much.
All though, he will say that Kaworu is still pretty odd.
It mostly shows in little quirks of his. He'll often hum the tune of Ode to Joy when doing something like walking, which isn't anything that strange. He also often refers to people as Lilins.
'Or does he say Lilums? Whatever that means, it's hard to tell what he's talking about sometimes'
The boy also has no shame about his nudity, which somewhat bothers Shinji a lot when they have to shower after sync tests and the pale boy tries to make conversation with him or when they use the large bath and the boy decides to sit right next to him.
Shinji can't help but wonder if the boy is gay, and while Shinji has no problem if that is the case, he used to worry sometimes that the boy may have been trying to hit on him or something.
But luckily, Kaworu now knows he is with Rei, so if the pale boy was hitting on him, he now knows he isn't available. Unluckily, however, was that Kaworu had to discover his and Rei relationship when he heard him and Rei having sex in one of the empty rooms down in the geofronts apartment complex when he was walking to his own residence that was right down the hall. The boy, rather than ignore the noises made, decided to investigate.
This whole situation resulted in Shinji having to explain to the boy about him and Rei. The situation was then repeated exactly the same way sans the explanation a week later.
After that, Shinji decided that he and Rei would only have sex at her apartment as that was the best chance of absolutely zero interruptions, even if it meant that they wouldn't do it as often. Something that Rei seemed somewhat reluctant to agree to.
Speaking of, Shinji could see Rei's apartment building down the street. The part of the city it was in was relatively empty, the most noise just coming from nearby construction that was tearing down other empty building due to both city budget cuts and because no one was living in them,
Due to nobody living in them, the buildings in this area were mostly condemned due to being neglected, becoming filthy, and in some cases, just falling apart.
As Shinji made his way into Rei's apartment complex, he still couldn't believe that his father thought it was a good idea to have Rei live somewhere like this. While he was glad that Rei had gotten her lock fixed, so that they didn't have to worry about someone breaking, which didn't seem that likely seeing as how almost no one lived or really came her, he still had to worry that she might get sick from all the filth that line the hallways of the complex. He really needed to talk to Rei about moving somewhere else.
Having reached Rei's floor, Shinji proceeded to apartment 402 until he was right at the door, knowing it was the right one by both the number and the mailslot jammed with way too many papers, before reaching into his pocket and getting his key ring, which only had three keys. His house key, his Nerv locker Key, and a spare key to Rei's apartment that she gave him.
Getting the right key, he unlocked the door and opened it slipping inside before shutting it behind himself. He then took off his shoes and put them next to the door before walking to Rei's room.
Her apartment was very small, having only a kitchen that was connected to the front door, a small bathroom, and a single bedroom. Rei's room didn't even have a door, or much of anything, aside from a bed, a dresser, and a mini fridge. But as he looked into the girls room, he could see that she wasn't in there, so he set his bag down near the foot of her bed, before thinking that she was probably in the bathroom. Though sometimes she wasn't even there when he would come over and wouldn't come back until later, but she would tell him ahead of time when that happens as it's usually her getting called in to Nerv for some tests.
'Something about an automated pilot system…' Rei never really talked too much about what she did in the tests other than that it was for some sort of piloting system for the Evangelions, but then again Shinji didn't really like talking about that kind of stuff. He preferred to just talk about whatever else was going on with their lives.
Shinji noticed the glasses case on Rei dresser, which was something that stirred up many feelings inside him, mostly negative. He didn't bring them up whenever he was with Rei, mostly because he didn't trust what he would say about them, and would rather ignore them than cause any problems with Rei. Though against the black case, he could somewhat see a thin layer of dust that generally appears when you leave something sitting out for a long while. It almost gave him a strange feeling of satisfaction.
He was too engrossed in thought to see Rei walk into the doorframe with a towel around her shoulders and nothing else.
She was initially surprised to see the boy in her room, not realizing he had arrived. She started to feel anxious as she was somewhat hoping that he would have been unable to come visit her today. But… she also didn't necessarily have to decide anything right away, though she didn't know if it would be worse if she waited to do so.
Composing herself, she could tell that he clearly didn't notice her, too busy thinking about something, which was to Rei's benefit seeing as he didn't notice her brief shock.
"... I didn't know you were here already" She spoke up, startling Shinji from his thoughts.
Turning to see her, he saw her state of nudity and moved his eyes to meet Rei's, slightly blushing as he did so.
"O-oh yeah, I just got here" he said as Rei moved to her dresser so that she could put on clothes, to which shinji didn't watch, as while he of course has seen her naked before, that was during sex and not while she was just changing. It didn't feel right to look at her naked when it wasn't her doing so for him. "... anyways, um have you eaten dinner yet?"
"No, I was planning on making something to eat after I finished showering" She told him as she clipped on a bra and started putting on a shirt.
"What did you have in mind?" He asked as he looked at her from the corner of his eye, seeing as how she was no longer stark naked.
"I was just going to make instant ramen, but I did buy ingredients for miso soup if you'll help me make it," Rei said as she finished buttoning up her shirt and turned to him.
"Oh, of course, I don't mind helping you cook" He assured as he and Rei moved to the kitchen.
Rei opened the kitchen refrigerator and a cabinet, pulling out all the necessary ingredients from them. Her kitchen was actually usable since Shinji helped her clean the counters and the pile of all her dishes she kept in the sink. Shinji pulled a cooking pot out of a cupboard under the counter along with a measuring cup.
Putting the pot on the stove, he turned it on, igniting the flame of the burner. He then put the measuring cup under the sink's faucet and filled it up with water. Pouring out the liquid into the pot before refilling it and repeating until the pot was about two-thirds full.
He turned to see Rei who was watching him, though instead of watching with curiosity or interest like she had before when he would cook with her, she seemed almost as if she was thinking about something weighing on her.
"Um, could you hand me the dashi and cut some of the vegetables" Shinji asked her, causing the girl to snap out of her thinking.
"Oh, yes…" She replied as she handed him the container of dashi powder she bought before pulling open a drawer to get a knife and grabbing a carrot out of the vegetables she had gotten to start cutting it.
"What vegetables did you buy?" Shinji questioned as he opened the dashi powder and scooped out a few tablespoons and dumped them into the pot, then using a larger spoon to mix the pot into a dashi broth.
"I bought carrots, mushrooms and corn, wasn't that what you used for your miso soup?" She told him.
"Well yeah, but you can put pretty much any vegetables you like into it, I just like to use those ones" he says while reaching for the miso paste
"I like the way you make it though" Rei responded, to which Shinji felt himself get a small smile.
"I-I'm glad you do" He said as he started to mix miso into the dashi broth.
Rei meanwhile thought back to when she first had miso soup. It wasn't only a couple of weeks after she and Shinji got together, and Shinji had come over to her apartment to see her. He had already done so a few times, but this time he came with a large thermos. When she asked about it, he told her that he made miso soup and wanted to bring her some. She questioned if he did so because he learned that her diet almost solely consisted of instant noodles. He said he did because he wanted to make sure she was eating well.
After that, she remember him telling her "I care about you a lot Rei, and I just want to make sure you your alright"
Thinking about it made her chest feel warm… but it quickly started to constrict with guilt. Despite how much she wanted to put it out of her mind, she could help as her head was plagued with her conversation with the 4th child.
'Am I… am I really not going to tell him?' Rei inquired to herself as she looked at the boy while he cooked.
'I don't want to lose him…' She thought, 'But… how can I not tell him? When he does so much for me… but isn't he happy this way?… wouldn't me telling him only spoil that?'
Rei had put the cutting knife down. The vegetables were forgotten as she rested her hands on the edge of the counter.
'No… I'm being selfish… he wouldn't want to stay if he knew… and I would be alone… but he has the right and reason to leave… '
Shinji noticed Rei had stopped doing anything, and looked to her. Seeing her leaning slightly over the counter, he could tell something was wrong.
"... Rei? Are you okay?" He asked as he stopped focusing on the soup.
Hearing Shinji's voice made the girl tense, her heart starting to beat faster.
'I… I have to tell him… ' She thought, but her mouth didn't want to open, 'but… but I don't want him to go…"
"Rei, what's wrong?" Shinji said with concern as he moved to the girl, grabbing her hands gently, to which he could feel them slightly shake.
Rei turned to look Shinji in the eyes.
Seeing his blue eyes, so full of concern, made her tremble.
"... Shinji… I, I… I have to tell you something…" She quietly told him.
"What is it Rei?" Shinji gave a light squeeze to her hands.
"... you… you won't… want to be with me anymore… " She muttered.
"Rei… I want to be with you, and what you say won't change that" Shinji told her softly.
"No you won't Shinji… you'll despise me" Rei stated which took Shinji aback. He just looked at her for a moment as tears welled in her eyes before reaching over and shutting off the stove. He then gently led her out of the kitchen.
Leading Rei to her bed, he sat her down before sitting next to her, still holding one of her hands lightly.
"Rei, why would you think that?" He asked her as she looked down at her lap.
"... Shinji… I've, I've deceived you… " Was all she told him.
"Wh-what do you mean?" Shinji started to grow more concerned as Rei talked.
"I, I should have told you… but I didn't even realize…" The pale girl felt tears start to trail down her cheeks.
"Please Rei, just tell me what's wrong" He urged as he saw the girl start to cry.
"... you're going to leave…" She insisted.
"Rei, why do you think I'd leave you?" He questioned with confusion.
"... Because I'm not human Shinji… not fully… " She relented.
"... What does that mean Rei?" He said with worry.
"... I, I was made in a lab Shinji… I was created… with the DNA of the angel Lilith… but… " Rei's breathing was erratic as her hand laid limp in Shinji's, " the human DNA… came from the remains of Yui Ikari…"
Shinji's breath hitched the moment she said the name of his mother. Processing what he just heard, he realized that it meant that Rei was made from an angel and his mother. Which meant…
His eyes went wide at the implications.
"... what…? ", His hand unconsciously slipped out of Rei's as he tried to understand what he was just told.
Rei put her face into her hands, ashamed and afraid to look at the boy.
"I'm, I'm sorry Shinji… I'm so sorry…" She muttered as her body started to shake from crying.
Shinji didn't respond right away, the boy standing up from the bed.
"... I need a moment alone…" Was all he said as he walked out of the room.
Rei only sobbed as tears continued to run from her eyes.
Shinji meanwhile walked out the apartment, not bothering to put his shoes on, and closed the door behind him. Wandering into the hall of the decrepit apartment building. Taking deep breaths, he leaned him against the wall and rubbed his face with his hands. 'What the fuck…'
He felt on the verge of a panic attack. Afterall, he just learned that his girlfriend who he has been very intimate with to the point of having sex with for months now, apparently has angel DNA and isn't fully human. Oh, and of course, that human DNA was apparently made from what they could find of his dead mother, making her something of a clone of his mother or his sister, or someone who is apparently partially related to him in blood.
How?
How was that even possible?
And why?
Why would they decide to try and make a person with angel DNA?!
And why was his mothers remains used to make them? Who decided that? Was it his father? Why would he do that?
Shinji banged his head against the wall.
'Why me?'
Why out of all the possibilities in the world was it him who had to end up in a situation like this?
'Fuck My Life!' the boy screamed in his head.
Dragging his hands down his face, the boy slumped his shoulders as he just tried to register the predicament he has found himself in.
Rei is his first girlfriend ever. The first girl to ever be a close friend. The first person to ever be more than a friend. The first person that he has ever kissed and enjoyed it, 'Asuka's kiss wasn't nearly as enjoyable'. The first person he had ever had sex with. The first person he has ever loved romantically. The first person he knows he loves in general. And the first person he can ever remember telling him 'I love you'.
She was the first person to make him feel like his life had actual worth.
The boy felt his eyes start to water, so gritting his teeth, he shut them and tried to push back any tears.
And now, now what? Could they no longer be together? No longer could he kiss her, hug her, hold her, become one with her, show her that he loved her. Was he supposed to just throw all that away?
And then
Go back to listening to his SDAT alone in his small room all the time and being miserable? He didn't want that. And what about Rei? Was she supposed to go back to how she lived before? In a rundown filthy apartment, doing nothing but waiting until she had to go to school or Nerv? She didn't deserve that. And he didn't want that.
He didn't want to have to leave Rei over this.
He didn't want to break up.
But…
Did he have to break up with her for this?
Shinji opened his glistening eyes as he considered that.
Did he really have to leave her over this?
There would be plenty of people who, should they know about this, would say that they absolutely should not be together, and that what they've done already is disgusting.
But how likely was it that people not responsible for her being made the way she was would find out?
And isn't this something she has had absolutely no control over.
Something that was not at all her choice. That she had no say about. Something that was done by other people. So why should the actions of others impact the status of their relationship? It shouldn't matter if he and Rei want to be together romantically despite her nature, not if it's what they want.
No, he doesn't have to leave her, not if that's not what he or Rei want. After all…
Isn't it his choice?
But…
Should he leave her?
Shinji had to furrow his brow at that as he unconsciously flexed his hand in a clenching motion.
Afterall, she didn't tell him this until now, over a couple of months into their relationship. Not to mention, is he comfortable with the matter of her DNA?
. . .
While Rei did not tell him about this stuff until today, she did say that she didn't think about it at all while they were dating. And could he fault her for not telling if she didn't realize that she should tell him?
The answer was most likely yes as it was kind of her responsibility to divulge such information, but honestly… Shinji couldn't really hold any blame or resentment towards her for not doing so because she basically forgot that she should tell him.
As for the whole DNA stuff…
He didn't really care much regarding the whole angel DNA bit, because it's not like she's been like the other ones. She hasn't been trying to end humanity, no she has been actively fighting against the other angels, and outside of that has been just going to school and stuff. So he wasn't really concerned about that bit of information, more just a little put off, but that's about it
The part of her DNA being from his mom however…
Shinji couldn't say he was very comfortable with that, but again… she didn't get to decide where her DNA came from, and they've already fucked so it was too late to be worried about doing anything considered incestueous. And besides, her DNA doesn't change anything at all about her as a person, as at the end of the day, she will still be herself.
She clearly isn't Yui Ikari, a scientist and mother he can hardly remember, who has been long dead.
And she isn't Lilith or whatever she said the name is of some weird Angel that he knows nothing about
No, she is Rei Ayanami, an awkward blue haired teenager, who despite seeming so uncaring and different, is just another person in this world, and is his girlfriend who he still can't help but loves for the way she smiles, for how she has appreciated him him, for how she has shown him more love and affection than anyone he knows.
So should he break up with her?
If he left her, he wouldn't be happy. He would be alone.
And why would he want that?
Because to not do so would be considered wrong?
But… what if… he doesn't care if it's wrong?
Then, should he have to leave Rei over this?
. . .
As messed up as it may sound…
Shinji didn't think he should.
And sure there are many other things that can be used to argue against him being with her, but at the end of it all, only he and Rei could decide whether they stay together or not. And he didn't want to leave her over such a thing as her DNA. He loves her just the way she is. Even if that includes how she is connected to him through blood. Because she is more than just the DNA she came from, she's her own person
'... I … I don't want to give up what we have… and I won't…no matter what it means or if it's wrong. I don't care anymore… I just want to be happy… I just want Rei to be happy… I won't run away, not now' he thought with obstinance, as now… he was determined that he will stay with her for as long as possible, even until he dies if he can have it his way.
Taking some calming breaths and wiping his eyes, Shinji stood up from the wall. Turning back to Rei's apartment, he had to let her know his decision and to console her. Opening the front door and walking back in, Shinji could hear Rei crying from her room.
The sound alone already started to make the boy feel guilty about leaving the girl when she was in such an emotional state, but he needed to think things through. And now that he did, he would try his best to make her feel better.
Standing in the doorway of her room, Rei was too distraught to notice him at all. Despite that, he moved to kneel in front of where she was sitting on her bed.
Reaching up, he gently pried the girl's hands from her face. Making her red puffy eyes visible. They immediately focused on his face, somewhat surprised, but still overcome with sadness.
"Sh-Shinji…?" She sobbed out.
"Rei… " He began as he looked into her eyes, " I… I thought it over and… I don't want to leave you… "
"W-what?" Rei said as her eyes widened.
"I'm not going to break up with you over this Rei… " He reiterated.
"B-but, w-why? Why wouldn't you break up with me? I-I'm not normal, I was made from your mother. A-and I still fell in love with you and had sex with you, even though I knew, and I didn't even think to tell you until yesterday!" She bursted out through her tears, "You should hate me for that, I don't deserve yo-"
But she was cut off as Shinji stood up to pull the girl into a hug. Pulling her into his chest as he rubbed her back.
Burying his face into her hair, he softly told her, "Rei… I love you… and even knowing what I know now, I still can't help but feel that for you"
Rei just grabbed onto the boy as he said that, not able to form words, but still listening to what he said.
"It might be wrong, but I just want to stay with you despite all of that stuff. I'm happy with you. I-I don't want to go back to how I was without you. I was so depressed. I felt so alone. I felt so worthless… " He told her as his eyes started to water.
"... you're not worthless… " She quietly said as she started to calm down.
Shinji gently pulled slightly away to look down at Rei, tilting her head to look back into her eyes.
"Rei… I don't care what your blood says, I love you Rei, and I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me" he cupped the side of her face, wiping away a tear with his thumb, before gently pushing his lips to hers.
Rei felt more tears start to run down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around the boy's shoulders.
Shinji then softly pulled away to which Rei buried her face into the crook of his neck. The brunette boy just kept his embrace around her as she desperately held on to him
"Shinji… I love you… I love you so much" She said through her tears.
"I love you too Rei… nothing can change that…" He told her as he continued to hold her.
Dinner was forgotten and could wait anyways.
Right now, they both just wanted to be with one another.
And at that moment, that's all they needed.
Author's Note: Honestly, i mostly just struggled with writing the filling stuff. As I already had the idea for the end and wrote most of it, but then when I had to actually write a story for how we get to that point, it started to get a lot harder to write it out. But I finished it, and I'm pretty happy about it, and hopefully people will like it. Now I plan to write a sequel for Discussion and Fornication which shouldn't be that long based on my idea for it, but when Ill have that made I don't know, could be in a made in a week, or a month, who knows.