Authors' Notes: Ello and welcome to another thought experiment by yours truly and AdVictoriamCustodes that spiraled outta control, lol.

AdV: So… this was a one shot DrunkManSquakin and I shat out in about 12 hours. What the fuck am I doing with my life?

DMS: Doing things you shouldn't be while taking a break. XD

Not entirely sure how this happened, but AdV and I did a little brainstorming on how the NaruKaru interaction would play out in canon if it was competently written, lol.

AdV: Also, fun fact, this chapter's totally not our for shtick this month, because I've been too busy to edit next chapter of VO… honestly, originally I wanted to post it on my own account to finally get something out there, again, but having this instead of VO was a sound argument xD.

Actually, I might post it regardless xD.

DMS: I look forward to seeing the interactions in both cases. =3

Summary: Soon after joining Akatsuki, Sasuke's crimes against Kumogakure no Sato have… consequences. Now, a hot-blooded redhead with familiar birthmarks is out for blood.

Disclaimer: Neither I nor AdVictoriam Custodes own Naruto… sadly. This was just a fun, little thought experiment written for shits and giggles. Please support the official release.

Content Warnings: Alternate Universe, Out of Character, Altered Character, Impregnation, Harem, Incest, Character Death (tho considering who it is, I see it as a plus), Dubious Consent, Implied Rape.

When the dust settled after that boy and his entourage decided to be a thorn in their collective ass, the Yondaime Raikage let loose a heavy sigh as he read the report. It had been three days or so since Bee went missing. No less than ten of their chuunin and jounin were now dead and one name he saw in particular was going to have… consequences.

"That girl's going to be on a fucking warpath…" Ei muttered, already feeling the oncoming migraine once she found out, wanting nothing more than to crush the Uchiha boy's head with his bare fingers. "Dammit she'd just settled down for a bit too…''

That damned Uchiha was going to pay.

And the Leaf along with him if they didn't fess up any information they had on him.

Mind set, the Raikage hollered out loud enough for his secretary ― and a decent chunk of Kumogakure for that matter ― to hear.


Moments later, the platinum haired secretary poked her head in and deadpanned at her boss.

"I'm pretty sure they heard you, Lord Raikage."

Ei grunted and went back to reading the reports. Cheeky bitch.

…Though he loved that about her, in all honesty. (1)

Two weeks later, a pair of familiar faces stood guard at the eastern gate of their village: one of them being a young kunoichi with forest green eyes and pink hair, garbed in a red and white outfit. Her locks were still a bit shorter than in her youth, but after a certain, lovable dumbass decided to comment on how much prettier she looked with longer hair, one Haruno Sakura simply couldn't help herself.

And thus, it now reached just under her shoulders.

It was still ways away from the length she once had, but Naruto definitely approved.

Oh, the things she did for love… (2)

Her attire was a sleeveless red top and white skirt with matching, knee high boots. Her red-cloth forehead protector was worn more as a bandanna to keep her hair mostly back. Those pastel locks were usually done up in a ponytail but she didn't feel like pulling it back today.

Her… companion, meanwhile, was a blue-eyed blond with three whisker-like birthmarks on either cheek. His wild, bristly locks were unkept, but well-groomed, and his attire was the usual chuunin jacket, left open, with a burnt orange tee underneath, black trousers, and matching combat boots.

Sakura had been trying to get whatever they had going further, especially after Pain's assault made their mortality far more… visible… but, neither one of them knew what they were doing as far as romance went… which of course resulted in no shortage of awkward pussyfooting.

But, in the end, they just needed to become more comfortable around one another… all over again, that is.

Training under a sannin each, and their respective duties in their own branches of the shinobi force had put quite a distance between them up, much to her annoyance, but now was as good of an opportunity as any to rekindle old bonds.

But first she had to break the awkward silence that had settled between them…

"So… Village Heroes get gate guarding duty now. I feel so accomplished." Sakura said half-jokingly.

"Tsunade-baa-chan's just being cranky." Naruto grumbled, his forehead thumping against the desk dramatically, "She's mad that I agreed to continue Pervy-Sage's stories now that he's gone. Damn hag."

"Maybe you shouldn't have pissed her off, then." The pinkette quipped dryly.

They wouldn't be stuck doing peon work if the blond hadn't opened his big, dumb mouth right as her master got into one of her thorny moods.

"Whatever." Naruto practically sneered into the desk, before chuckling, "She'll get over it. Or I'm not smuggling any more mount myboku sake for her."

Sakura stared at the back of his head like he'd just proclaimed the dumbest idea ever.

"She'll kill you if you do that, you know that, right?"

Naruto snorted, and glanced at her from his desk-planting position to wink. "And risk pissing off Mom? I don't think so."

Sakura paused at that.

Then shuddered.

''...fair point."

Lady Kushina was scary. (3)

Then, Naruto suddenly looked up, still bent over at the desk, and squinted down the long road leading into the village.

Leaning back into her own seat and crossing her arms and legs, Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Sense something?"

"Yeah. Nine Ninja, fast approaching." He responded, then added, "I don't recognize 'em."

Sakura looked thoughtful, "Could it be some of the rookies?" It was about time that the newest ninjas of Konoha started doing some higher-tier missions… missions that took them beyond the village walls.

Naruto shook his head. "Not with those signatures. One of them is bigger than Kakashi's." And oddly familiar...

That odd recognition nagged at him, but for the life of him Naruto couldn't place what it could mean. His natural sensory abilities as an Uzumaki were rather potent, but his own skills with them were… quite thoroughly lacking.

It's not as badass as punching people… or making things go boom, so Naruto quite predictably neglected his training in that field.

Sakura hummed.

"Should I signal for a patrol to intercept?"

"...Have them on standby?" Naruto's response was… uncertain. "They're slowing down. I get the feeling they're not hostile, but better safe than sorry."


Meanwhile, off in the distance, nine ninja largely garbed in black and white dashed towards their destination. Spearheading the wedge formation was a cool headed blonde with icy eyes, a pale complexion, and tits the size of her damn head, much to the envy of her female compatriots.

One of them called out to her―a dark-skinned redhead with orange eyes and distinct birthmarks upon her cheeks.

"Samui! We've been spotted."

She and one of the dark-skinned males flanked the blonde directly and the trio were flanked by two squads of three.

The male in question perked up, looking worried. "This far out?"

"We are near the village," Samui replied, "I'm amazed we got this far without encountering a patrol."

"Konoha's slacking," the ginger growled, doing her best to contain herself.

"Try not to lose your shit, Karui," the male told her. "The last thing we need is for you to start a war."

The redhead scowled at him. "Fuck off. I know what I'm doing."

''...right." Sharing a look with their leader, the chunin shrugged his shoulders.

"In any case," the blonde told them, defusing the argument before it could escalate, "we should slow down. No need to alarm them."

It didn't take long for the Kumo-nin to arrive, eliciting some surprised looks from Naruto and Sakura, as well as the squad they had on standby.

Thanks to his tutelage under Jiraiya, Naruto was quickly able to discern that they were a standard Kumogakure platoon: three chuunin or one jounin and two, accompanied by two squads of three genin. It was hard to tell what rank their leader was, but she definitely carried herself like a seasoned veteran one way or the other. (4)

Glancing at Sakura, who glanced back, a silent conversation ensued.

Then the pinkette got up and walked around the desk to greet them.

"Welcome, Kumo shinobi. What brought you to our village unannounced?" Even though Sakura was smiling pleasantly as she asked that, there was no denying the undertone of her voice.

They better have a good excuse or Kumo was liable to lose a platoon, especially with tempers in the village being what they were.

A woman with the biggest pair of tits she'd ever seen ― and she studied under Tsunade ― stepped up from the group and walked up to them.

Sakura couldn't help but stare even as the woman spoke.

"Official missive from the Raikage." She held out a sealed scroll, bearing the seal of Kumo, and the Raikage's personal stamp, "We've been asked to report directly to the Hokage."

While his teammate and the platoon's leader spoke, Naruto found himself a bit… distracted. He eyeballed the solitary redhead of the bunch, drawn towards her for several reasons.

First of all, she was the most dangerous of the lot as far as raw chakra went―a chakra that felt familiar.

She was clearly the one he'd sensed earlier.

Secondly, well, she was hot. Red hair and dark skin was quite the exotic combination… and those piercing, orange eyes were just so pretty!

Thirdly, she had the same sort of birthmarks he had. Being the student of Konoha's spy master, he was given a crash course of the world's more secretive history. As such, Naruto knew all about the Gold and Silver brothers and their status as pseudo-jinchuriki… of the Kyuubi. Perhaps she was a descendant?

If so, that meant she was indeed the most dangerous. He would know, his mother's a full-blown jinchuuriki and he wasn't far behind her in regards to threat levels―something Pain learned the hard way. Among others.

His staring, apparently, did not go unnoticed.

"What are you staring at, huh?" The redhead glared at him with a scowl to put Neji to shame.

Naruto blinked… and put his training under Jiraiya to use.

"Oh, sorry. Your eyes are really pretty, I couldn't help myself."

Her cheeks visibly burned at that. "Y-yeah? Well fuck you!"

Naruto smirked. Oh, she's one of those, is she? Naruto just couldn't help himself to save his life. "Well, if you're offering…"

Unnoticed by him, Sakura twitched. Violently. A sudden murderous urge proving rather diffucult to contain at the moment.

The platoon leader, meanwhile, saw it plain as day. A quick glance back and forth, she quickly assumed the two were lovers and cleared her throat. "Karui," she called out, cutting the redhead off before she could retort. "Save your energy for when we find that Uchiha boy."

She immediately took notice of how Naruto and Sakura… twitched.

The light in the pinkette's eyes faded as she took a moment to calm herself. "What did he do this time?" Her tone was cold… chilling and the aura she gave off left the genin present suddenly aware of how… fragile they were.

Samui was hardly affected.

"You know him personally, I take it?"

"You could say that." Naruto piped up, with a sarcastic drawl.

"The son of a bitch killed my fiance," Karui growled. "If you have any information I can use to shove my katana up his ass…"

"I'd say sorry for your loss, but I have a feeling you'd just try to chop my head off." Naruto quipped, eyeballing the aforementioned sword on her belt.

"I'd be tempted, admittedly." Who the fuck was he to pity her?

"In any case," Sakura interjected, "you'll have to ask the Hokage." She then turned her attention to the leader. "I take it that's why you're here?"


Wasting no time, Naruto looked at Samui and held out his hand. "Give. I need to check for traps."

"You think we'd―''

"Karui," the male chunin said, placing a hand on her shoulder. The redhead fumed, but kept quiet.

"I don't see why you're so angry." Sakura chidded, her opinion of them dropping. If this was an ambassadorial mission, they should've picked someone smarter and less danger-twitchy. "It's just standard procedure. You would do the same."

The redhead took a deep breath and averted her gaze.

"Apologies for my teammate here." Samui said with a respectful bow. "Like she said, her fiance was killed by that man. And he wasn't the only one, so we've been sent to receive any information on him that could be used to bring him to justice."

"And if she's anything like a certain someone I know," Sakura muttered, eyeballing her teammate, "I assume she was sent to keep her out of trouble in the meantime."

Naruto couldn't keep the sheepish look off his face to save his life, grinning and rubbing the back of his.

Samui said nothing, all but confirming their suspicions.

"Here." Instead, she approached Naruto and handed him the scroll.

The blond took it and placed it on the desk. A seal array briefly lit up once he went through a short sequence of handseals… and then secretly, added several more seals to the mix. Jiraiya's own little twist on the jutsu.

It went completely unnoticed.

"It's clear."

"Of course it's clear," Karui grumbled. "Can we get on with our business now? I have a bitch to make outta that bastard!" She all but shouted that last part, pointing an angry finger at the two. "And don't you guys think I won't come for answers from you once we're done with the Hokage!"

The duo, much to her annoyance, was not at all intimidated.

The pinkette looked at her with boredom, which only served to piss her off.

Naruto, instead, chuckled. ''I like you. Tell you what, our shift ends in an hour. If you think you can find me, gorgeous, be my guest." He tossed the scroll back at Samui, who deftly caught it and stowed it back on her person. "Hokage's at the tower," he told them, winking at Karui. "Town square, big and squat, massive kanji for fire on it. Can't miss it, beautiful."

Sakura resisted the urge to whack him, cursing Jiraiya-sama for getting his claws into the blond. Why did he have to become a shameless flirt with every other small-chested girl but not with her?! (5)

Karui, meanwhile, visibly restrained herself from punching his teeth in.

Once the Kumo platoon went through, shadowed of course by the standby team just in case, Naruto leaned against Sakura's ear and whispered a crucial bit of information he'd spied from the scroll. It had a cipher, of course, but he wasn't the student of Jiraiya and a budding seal maker for nothing.

"Seems Sasuke went and attacked one of their Jinchuuriki."

"And he's alive?" The pinkette whispered back, utterly incredulous.

Everyone knew about the 'perfect jinchuuriki' Kumo had, mostly thanks to the Third Great War. To go up against him and leave alive was… well, certainly something. A flee on sight order was issued for all personnel below A-Rank for a reason after that first encounter.

And he was apparently not their only one, though they lacked intel on the others, if any.

"He had help," Naruto elaborated with a shrug. "How much wasn't clear, but I'm guessing they're why he's not dead."

"Well, whatever. It's none of our concern." Sakura brushed the topic aside like water off a duck's back. Still though… "What was he even doing there?"


"...Fuck." Sakura suddenly looked murderous. "Guess he's more like his brother than he cares to admit."

"Well, he did go and cozy up with Orochimaru. Rot must be in their family." The venom in Naruto's voice was palpable. He hated the snake sannin. For a number of reasons. "Not sure what he's doing in the same organization, but if anything, I'm more shocked that I'm not surprised." (6)

"...Probably shouldn't be gossiping like that, you two."

Naruto and Sakura flinched, the latter especially, though the former was more surprised.

"G-gah! Kakashi-sensei!"

"How did you sneak up on me?"

There was a pointed pause…

"Hmm… That's a secret."

The man in question, despite his name, more resembled a broomstick than he did a scarecrow. Tall and lean, but athletic enough, with silver hair that seemed to stand on end. His face was covered by a half mask and his tilted forehead protector covered one eye. He was otherwise garbed in standard, blue fatigues and a flak jacket.

Clapping his hands, the jounin eye-smiled at them.

"So, my cute little murder-minions, what's got you two up in such a tizzy?"

Sakura smirked at him.

"I thought we shouldn't gossip, sensei."

"You're not gossiping, you're reporting."

"Uh-huh…'' Naruto deadpanned.

The Hatake continued to eyesmile.

"Turns out our former teammate got himself in trouble with Kumo," Sakura replied. "He attacked one of their jinchuuriki and killed some of their ninja in the process from the sound of it."

"I see…''

"And he's joined the Akatsuki." Naruto added, for clarification, "Hence the attack, probably."


"For what it's worth, Sensei, nobody blames you."

"Hmmm..? Did you say something?"

Sakura's brow twitched. That's what she gets for trying to be nice.

Sometime later, the Kumo shinobi busied themselves with pouring over records provided by Konoha's military intelligence department and taking notes.

They were, of course, being watched as a precaution.

"I'm booored," one of the genin groaned, that being a young boy with orange hair and mocha skin. "Can we just go back to fetching that demon cat? Even that was more eventful than this."

One would think only Konoha's genin had to deal with Tora, but nope! Sometimes, the little shit got as far as their village in her attempts to escape those bone crushing hugs. Especially whenever the feudal lords were hosting one of their innumerable and lavish parties.

It paid well, if nothing else. And made most munchkins eager to kill something.

The boy's female teammate, a pink-haired girl with dark skin, gave him a whack on the head.

"Zuroi, quit bitching and get back to work," Karui barked.

"Don't be too hard on him, sis," the male chuunin of their group commented. He had a darker complexion than her, but not by much, with dark brown eyes and platinum blond hair. Whipping out a lollipop and unwrapping it, he then gave her a look. "He's still young and hot-blooded, after all. Just like someone else I know."

"Fuck you, Omoi."

"Proving my point." He pointed his lollipop at her, making her glare and growl at him.

Samui, meanwhile, bit back a sigh. The two were only half-siblings, but they rightly fucked with one another like a real family.

"Get that thing out of my face, brat."

"Right, right. Just, y'know, be more like Samui-senpai. Be cool."

"Kinda hard to do, considering how flat she is," one of the genin snickered.

"Yeah, well, fuck you too. Oh, that's right. Nobody does. You're too damn ugly."

"That's my decision and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah, fucking virgin. Blow me."

Safe to say, the military intelligence spying on them were having a field day.

But alas, the banter was short lived as they got back to work.

Omoi rolled the lollipop in his mouth around and frowned as he took notice of something.

"Hey, sis. Come over here for a moment."

"What is it?"

"Just come and see. You're gonna want to know before your little date."

The redhead marched over to him, face set in a scowl. "What date you little sh― oh."

"Look familiar?" He asked, holding up a picture found in the records.

A simple picture, practically every ninja ever had one.

A team picture.

"Those two…'' Karui growled angrily, "They're his fucking teammates?!"

"Makes sense, in hindsight," Zuroi commented. "They were really unhappy when the captain mentioned him,"

Another, this time a sliver of a girl with darker skin than the rest, decided to insert her own speculation on the matter. "Yeah, they, like, probably took his betrayal personally."

The girl then cowered underneath Karui's withering glare.

Grabbing the picture, the redhead turned towards the guards and marched up to one of them. The ninja in question was about her age, his black hair pulled back into a ponytail that left his head vaguely resembling a pineapple.

"Hey, you. Konoha ninja!"

"What is it?" The chuunin let loose an annoyed sigh as he replied.

"The dumbass in this image." Karui held up the picture and pointed at the whiskered blond, "Where the fuck does he live?"

His eyebrows narrowed when he saw who it was, and he looked back at her skeptically. "Naruto?"

"Whatever his name is."

"Why do you want to know?"

She sneered at him. "Because he knows the Uchiha, obviously. Do try to keep up!"

"I don't see why I should tell you. All materials approved by Hokage are here. Any further inquiry is… outside the rights given to you." He huffed, looking bored, "Please don't. Detaining you would be a drag."

"Eight-five-oh-one, Ozai street," the woman to his right, a purple haired woman wearing scandalously little beneath her trench coat, stated flippantly, leaning against the wall without apparently any care in the world. "Complex 11, second floor, first door on your right. Can't miss it." (7)

The chuunin paused, and turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow.


"Don't worry about my Gaki, Nara-chan." She grinned, "He can handle a little sexual tension."

"WHAT?!" The redheaded kunoichi exclaimed

Anko grinned at her. "Girl, you need to get laid~!"

It took every fiber of Karui's will not to break the woman's face in.


Not even ten minutes later, Naruto choked on his ramen at the sudden noise. He was relaxing inside his apartment, enjoying his time off, when hell itself apparently decided to pay him a visit.

"Open up you little shit! I know you live here."

"What girl did I piss off this time?" He muttered, not recognizing the voice and not bothering to focus enough to sense for chakra signatures. Kagura Shingan was powerful, but it gave him a headache.

The banging returned and he sighed, getting up to answer.

"Coming, coming," he called out.

Oh, he would be… but he didn't know that yet.

And soon enough, Naruto found himself face-to-face with the redhead from earlier. "Oh! Pleasant surprise. What brings you here?"

Karui slammed her finger against his chest.

"Tell me everything you know about your traitor teammet, or gods help me…''

"Ah… I see." Rather calmly, he reached up and took hold of her hand. Karui wanted to deck him right then and there as a result, but something stopped her, "Okay. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but how 'bout you come inside first." He attempted to calm her down, "I ain't got much but I can offer some tea… or sake. Some strong sake." He added as he eyed her, "Somehow I think you'd prefer that."

She seemed to need it too… and if her slightly-softening expression was anything to go by, she unknowingly agreed with his assessment.

"...How strong?"

He puffed his chest out proudly. "Strongest in Konoha."

The fiery ginger was decidedly unimpressed. "Whatever," she grumbled, pulling back her hand and pushing past him into the apartment. "That's not saying much. You tree-huggers can't hold your liquor for shit." (8)

"You'll regret thinking that," Naruto chuckled as he closed the door. "At least in this case."

"Experience says otherwise, but I'm not one to turn down a free drink."

The blond chuckled at that as he set out to fetch his drinks. "Might as well get introductions outta the way," he said, giving her a smile over his shoulders as he reached for and rummaged through the cupboard. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. Going on 17 years old."

Karui stopped abruptly, and stared at his back wide-eyed.


It took her a moment to gather her wits. "...Charmed," she admitted grudgingly, as she finally sat down on one of the two couches. "My name's Karui… Just Karui. I recently turned 19, if you must know."

"Ah, so you're older than me, then? Never woulda guessed. You look younger." He then gave her another grin, this one more impish. "Should I call you Karui-senpai or Karui-baa?" He teased as he walked back over, two cups and a ridiculously large sake bottle in hands.

Her brow twitched.

"Just Karui."

"Surething, Karui-chan."

She twitched again. This was going to be a long day, wasn't it?

"A-a-and we already had… sniff… already had names planned out and everything." A very drunk Karui sniffled, bawling her eyes out as she metaphorically spilled her guts out in front of Naruto.

She spoke of how she and Jin-chan were going to have a big and happy family. How many names they already picked, the nice house they were thinking of buying, and so much more.

But then, well… Sasuke happened.

Naruto sat beside her on the sofa as they spoke, frowning sympathetically. Cursing himself for not stopping Sasuke, despite there being nothing more he could've done already. He reached out and rubbed her back, even adding some chakra in hopes of soothing her.

He hated seeing girls cry.

She shuddered on contact, but seemed to calm down a bit after a moment or two.

The sensation was… pleasant. The chakra had a very welcome feel to it, but an odd one: similar to her own, yet different. And it was so… warm.

A nice, tingling warmth…

Her cheeks burned as she leered at him, feeling butterflies in her belly and a need in her crotch, suddenly aware of his scent. It was also oddly familiar.

Naruto was visibly taken aback by her pupils narrowing into slits as she gave him a heated look. He withdrew his hand and an awkward silence soon followed.

"...Thanks," she grunted hesitantly.

"Hmmm…'' Naruto leaned closer, squinting at her.

''...What'cha lookin' at?"

"Oh, just admiring your eyes." Not quite. He was trying to remember where he seemed to remember them from. Something about her was just so darn familiar. Not so much their color, but more their shape.

"O-oh…'' Karui blushed.

Truth be told, the first compliment she'd ever received from a boy was not too dissimilar from Naruto's comment. Of course, it was Jin who gave her that compliment when they were children, not long after the two of them had enrolled.

"Jin-chan tended to say that a lot," she admitted. "He was a bit of a charmer… annoyingly so at times."

And truly skilled in the sack… even if he couldn't keep up with her, no matter what drugs he took in his many attempts.

"...Just like someone else I'm getting to know." She noted out loud.

Naruto smiled at her.

"Anything for a pretty lady." He chuckled. "I also hate to see a girl cry."

Karui pursed her lips, staring at him for a long moment. Gears in her head were spinning, but their grease was far from sound or logical…

Until finally, she leaned forward, closing the distance and taking in that familiar scent. It was so pleasant… The sudden closeness took Naruto by surprise, causing his cheeks to burn.

"Uh, Karui, what are you doi-mmmhmphh?!" His words got muffled as the redhead grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him towards her, pressing their lips together in a heated exchange of kisses and salive.

Almost half a minute later, she let go, in urgent need of air.

Naruto stared at her wide eyed.

"Karui, what was that-mmhp?!"

Finding his voice and need to talk at the moment annoying, Karui pulled him up again and locked their lips together, pressing hard against his, pouring all of her frustrations into that moment.

Karui finally pulled back, pushed him down, and glared. "Shut up."

Naruto's mouth closed with a click.

"I'm drunk. I'm angry. And I'm horny." She snapped, crawling atop of him, already loosening her dress, before pulling it up and over in one swift motion and tossing it into the corner of the room, "Something about you is making it worse. Are you gonna take responsibility or shall I look for a real man in this hippy village?"

Naruto was hard as a brick the instant his eyes fell upon her orange bra and those small, but delightful breasts.

"Well… can't say my answer's gonna be no." Naruto answered honestly, looking up at the redhead looming over him with desire in his eyes. The hunger in Karui's eyes was enough to make him shudder in wanton expectation. He doubted he'd get any sleep tonight.

Romance? He had no clue what to do. Any advice he got from his mother was more about bedding than actually loving.

But one night stands? Oh, he knew plenty about those.

Sakura-chan was well aware of that, in fact… and he was convinced that she found it hot.

Naughty, naughty, but honestly, expected from a kunoichi. It was only natural that a stronger male would get more chances, and Naruto was arguably the strongest of his generation, and in the whole village…

His mother certainly hadn't been shy about teaching him the birds and bees, either, and was constantly goading him into giving her some grandbabies to spoil.

Oh, if only she knew how many she already had…

Chuckling, the whiskered blond reached up and grabbed that nice ass of hers, pleasantly surprised by just how soft it was under his fingers and giving it a good swat. The loud smack was accompanied by a pleasured yelp as the flesh wobbled, and followed by a growl.

Karui wasted no time in undoing his trousers. She was too riled up to bother with foreplay. She straddled him while stroking his impressive shaft through those obscene frog print boxers, before fishing it out and licking her chops like a feral cat.

"Mhmm… quite the cock you've got there, Whiskers."

"Think you can handle it, missus Whiskers?" He teased her.

Karui rolled her eyes, "Bitch, please." She growled, raising her hips and signaling him to take off her modesty shorts and panties, "I lost my virginity when I was 8. Nearly killed my sensei."


Karui gave him an unladylike snort. "Don't you mean slutty?"

"Yes. Hot."

She snickered, bending down and pressing their lips together again. At the same time, she ground her arousal against his own, ostensibly pleased that it was still growing in her hands. In the meantime, Naruto dug his fingers into her ass and played with it like it was baking dough, pulling and pushing, squeezing and teasing.

"That girl, she your woman?" She asked, breaking the kiss and going for his neck. She inhaled, drinking in the scent that was driving her insane. Her fingers twitched, her chakra rousing… she wanted to claw that stupid shirt off and get to his skin

"Work in progress," he told her. "Sex is one thing, but romance is…"

Karui purred.


''...Sure, let's call it hard." He quirked an eyebrow. Did she have any right saying that, considering she had had a fiancee up until that fiasco?

Also… damn, he was her rebound fuck. Talk about a lucky score. Naruto was deeply into redheads, and she was the most exotic he'd ever seen, even more than Sakura with her pink locks.

"Off." Karui grunted, annoyed by the persistence of the shirt.

"The shirt? Sure." Naruto leaned up and to the front, practically mashing his chest against her breasts, and pulled his hands up to remove his tee.

Karui stared at him with wanton eyes, still rubbing her sex against his cock, lubing it up so that he could penetrate her in one firm stroke… and well, she was gonna need a lot of lube.

By the time he'd divested himself of his shirt and undershirt, she was grinning at him with her hips raised above his cock. Her eyes met his, pupils slit once more and irises now glowing, all but confirming his suspicions that she was a descendant of Kinkaku or Ginkaku. Possibly both.

"Fucking… take it!" Karui growled as she slammed her hips down, tossing her head back, her hair flying wildly as she let out a wanton, whore-worthy moan. Everyone within the apartment complex would know without a doubt what they were doing… and she didn't care.

She didn't want to hold it in. She couldn't even if she did! Her eyes met his once more and he shuddered, that third leg of his twitching within her so delightfully.

His hands went to her hips and he started moving his underneath her, pulling another moan from her as the slow movements brought her more pleasure than just her walls being stretched so much did. She rolled her own hips in turn, her hands now upon his chest as she rode him raw with nary a single care in the world, speeding up as her lower lips cried out needily, wanting to swallow the rest of the cock that remained outside.

His hands then trailed up, coaxing her in closer and undoing the clasp of her bra. She gladly helped him in removing it, tossing the garment aside, the two of them not once breaking eye contact.

Then, his hands started pawing at her bosom, drawing out another delighted moan.

She clamped down hard around him, sending hot shivers up his spine, drawing out a grunt that made her shudder with lust.

By now, they were in perfect sync, moving in complete unison, meeting each other at the apex of Naruto's thrusts, before separating as one and slamming into each other once more again and again at speeds that would drive any lesser man or woman insane. The wet slap of skin on skin filled Naruto's apartment and mingled with their moans in a lewd melody as the two of them enjoyed their basest desires.

Many, many minutes later, neither of them could believe the other was lasting this long.

Karui had never cum first in her life. Every last partner she'd had, even those with far more experience, never lasted as long as she did. Not even Yama-sensei, her very first.

She was so very pleasantly surprised…

Naruto in turn was just as shocked. No other woman he'd bedded ever lasted this long! Hell, if anything, even the most experienced, literal, professional whores he'd enjoyed came two or three times by now!

This girl… she was amazing.

She was perfect!

He had to have her… he had to keep her somehow!

Karui felt the same… Her lip trembled, her glowing eyes starting to burn in utter bliss as she felt her end coming near… and his. She could tell that he was close as well…

Before she even realized it, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his and nirvana took hold. At the same time, Naruto wrapped his arms around her, letting the exotic woman swallow his primal grunt as he let loose.

At the exact same time, the two of them came… and they came hard. She squealed and he moaned, their lips never separating as the two of them clung onto each other for dear life, twitching and writhing until their respective orgasms subscided.

Karui delighted in the feel of his warmth flooding her loins, pouring deep within her with no regard for consequences… not that there would be any. No man could ever hope to impregnate her unless she wanted him to. Her chakra alone made sure of that, killing his seed before it had the chance.

It's why she only had one kid. The only reason. It took her years before she could figure out how to let Jin-chan impregnate her.

Naruto similarly delighted in the first creampie he'd been able to give in some time, not giving a single damn about what he would knock her up in all likelihood.

Only Sakura-chan was capable of preventing his seed from taking root, thanks to the tutelage and raw talent she had as a med-nin. As for anyone else… Well… it had long since become clear to him that no other contraceptive worked. His chakra empowered seed was far too much for some measly pills or jutsu to affect it and it always lasted long enough to find and attack her ovum, no matter how "safe" it was for her to take it at the time. Naruto suspected it was thanks to the Kyuubi, but didn't really care. It meant the Uzumaki Clan could grow with ease, even if none of the bastards carried his name.

Because of that, whenever he fucked a woman these days, he did so knowing that he would knock her up… and this foreign redhead would be no different. Just imagining her half a year from now, cursing up a storm as her belly grew gravid from their kids made his toes curl and balls ache.

Oh, but he so wanted to keep her…

And the feeling was mutual…

He knew the instant she pulled back and locked eyes with him once more, hers having returned to normal.

Then, her cheeks burned as she pulled away, whimpering pathetically as she allowed his still rock-hard cock to fall out. She then climbed off, but Naruto pulled a yelp from the ginger, hugging her from behind.

"Satisfied?" He chuckled, hands roaming her sides.

Karui whimpered.

His one hand cupped a tit, the other, dipped down to her dripping folds and attacked the little nub, drawing out a yelp.

"I said, 'are you satisfied?'"

"Not in the slightest," she growled, shuddering at his caress. She felt him poke her, throbbing in approval, no doubt.

"Then why are you leaving?"

"T-trying not to fall for a certain, lovable dumbass before it's too late."

Karui yelped, feeling him push her down onto the coffee table, his hands gliding down to her ass and feeling her up.

"Well, we can't have that, now, can we~?"

The way he said that sent hot shivers up her spine.

To 'ease' her decision, Naruto used chakra and concentrated it into his dick, making her moan beneath him as he poked her folds, letting the contact with her needy twat do the rest for him.

"We both know you want it," he whispered, licking her ear."

"N-nhmm…'' Her back arched, and she started leaning backwards… before forcing her body to freeze. Glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes, she whimpered. "L-lemme go."


That one word sent a shockwave of pleasure through her loins. She trembled, her eyes glowing once more.

Her arms buckled and she instinctively raised her hips.

With a satisfied growl, Naruto accepted the invitation and sank back into her, properly taking her from behind. He reached around, leaning forward so he could reach, and started toying with her clit once more, before thrusting into her anew.

Karui couldn't have stopped him if she wanted to…

Literal hours later, Sakura felt the need to check on her teammate, just a little worried that he didn't show up at Ichiraku's when he usually did. It was the one routine he almost never deviated from, even more so than his absurd levels of training.

Really, was it any wonder he could defeat the likes of Akatsuki on his own and lonesome?

Several steps from the door, however, Sakura suddenly stopped, shocked to the core as the same redhead Kumo kunoichi from earlier today emerged from her teammate's apartment, looking worn and exhausted, but much calmer.

''...what…?" Sakura muttered.

The redhead spotted her, sneered, and proceeded to limp past her and down the complex stairs…

Sakura called out to her, but she seemingly ignored her… before stopping at the very bottom of the stairs to glare over her shoulder at the pinkette.

"You'd fucking better take good care of him or so help me…" She let the threat hang, her eyes glowing with slit pupils as she did, sending a shiver down the pinkette's spine.


Karui's hackles rose in annoyance.

"Woman up, or I'm going to come back and claim him for myself!" Then she tilted her head, and chuckled nastily, "Then again, I might do it anyways."

And with that, she turned and walked away, ignoring the pinkette's indignant shouts, limping with every step.

Hearing the racket, a certain blond came out to investigate… and immediately regretted it upon seeing the rage in her eyes.

"NARUTO!" Sakura grabbed him by his shirt… and crinckled her nose, "What the fuck, did you have a fucking orgy?! You reek of sex!"

"Well, I did use clones if that counts." The blond muttered, his post-nut haze so blissful, he didn't even realize what he was saying… or to whom he was saying it to.

"Y-you― her― you two―?!"

Somewhere in the village, an older redhead had the urge to cry out 'That's my boy!' thought she knew not why.

Naruto suddenly adopted a dreamy smile. "Oh yeah, she's amazing. Never had such a good lay… I wonder if she'd let me keep her."

Saying that to Sakura's face was like a physical blow… one which only poured oil to the already raging fire that was her jealousy. Sakura was livid.

Before he realized what had happened, she was dragging him back into his apartment… only for her skin to crawl at the sight of a pair of soaked panties that clung to the doorknob of his living room closet, like a flag waving overhead a conquered castle.

Mount Sakura erupted. (9)

…And neither of them left that apartment for the next three days.

It would be more than a year before Karui, her body obviously more filled out, gazed upon that familiar village gate once more. She wasn't with the rest of her platoon this time though…

Accompanied by a squad of genin and their jounin instructor, whom she commissioned to watch her back on the way here, the fiery redhead approached the village guards with a scroll in hand.

"Oh, hello! What brings you here?"

"Turning in a bounty," she grunted. "S-Rank."

That caught the guards by surprise.

"Really? From what village?" The chunin clearly doubting she could fight anyone of the 3 S-ranked criminals they had in recent history. Two were already dead and the third was… well, stories of him turning into a colossal chakra giant the size of a tailed beast and laying waste to his enemies had certainly spread across the nations.

"This one, of course," she told him, presenting the scroll.

He accepted it skeptically, but checked it nonetheless. It was indeed a storage scroll and when he undid the seal within…


…There it was… the severed head of that third criminal, Sharingan eyes still glaring out at the world around them…

''...Give us a moment."

Karui smirked, basking in their incredulousness. Granted, she had help: no shortage of it, in fact. But she was the one who landed the killing blow, so credit went to her.

"I've got all day."

Later on, back at… the apartment, not just Naruto's anymore, but the one he shared with his wife and their newborn twins. Here, another redhead was gushing over them while Naruto shared the news with her, a familiar pinkette in his arms.

She didn't look nearly old enough to be his mother, but she was.

"Also, a certain someone already has another on the way," he boasted.

"Oh, really? That's wonderful news~! I'm so happy that you finally pulled your head out of your ass, Sakura-chan!"

Naruto facepalmed, while his wife twitched.

"Not in front of the kids, please," the pinkette grumbled.

Kushina didn't give a damn. "Oh, please," she chuckled, waving her hand, "It's not like they can understand. And Naruto-kun turned out just fine, didn't he?"

Sakura gave her a baleful look. "That's highly debatable."

"Ouch," the blond grunted half-jokingly. "Y'know, I―"


His words died on his tongue at the sound of someone banging on his front door.

"Who could that be…?" Kushina mused aloud.

"You expecting visitors, Sakura-chan?"

"Why do you assume I would be―''

Naruto quirked a brow at her.

She huffed. "Fine." Between the two of them, she was much more of a social butterfly… Her husband was only concerned with a few things and making casual conversation with their comrades or other villagers wasn't one of them.

Together, the two made their way to the door, Naruto's mother eyeballing them out of curiosity as she continued playing with the twins.


"We're coming, we're comi―'' Naruto pulled the door open, and blinked. "Karui-chan?"

Sakura's smile dropped like a brick. A brick made of lead.


Karui quirked an eyebrow. "Sup?"

Naruto had a grin on his face. "Damn, you filled out." He commented, smiling knowingly. "Hasn't she, Sakura-chan?"

"Hmph. Quite." Sakura said sourly. She was pleased to note that she now had a larger chest than the bitch, if nothing else…

"I have you to thank for that," Karui muttered, her cheeks flushing slightly. She averted her gaze. "You and your triplets."

"T-triplets?!" Sakura looked horrified… she'd barely managed twins…

But beneath that, a new feeling of jealousy simmered… this foreign skank got more babies out than she did. It was insulting to her pride as a woman!

"Did I hear that right? Did someone say triplets?" Kushina chirped excitedly. "Naru-chan, do introduce me to your other baby mama, would you?"

However, once Kushina got a good look at Karui's face, her jovial expression melted into something more… odd.

"Kumo headband." She muttered, eyeing the girl up and down, but mostly focused on her face, "I wonder…''

The girl was a spitting image of her at that age! Albeit with some tweaks here and there, but still!

And those whisker marks… It couldn't be… could it?

"Kaa-chan, meet Karui. The hot bombshell from Kumo I probably knocked up on the same day as Sakura-chan. Definitely in the same week." He ignored the kidney punch from his wife; he knew she found his sexual conquests hot. "Karui, this is my mother. The main reason I'm such an oddball."

"Oh please, that's all on your father. His blood is strong, and so is his stupidity." Kushina waved all responsibilities away, "But you… Karui-san was it?"


Kushina's expression turned more serious… almost dire. "Tell me, girl, who's Ei to you?"


"Just answer the question, girlie." Her tone left no room for argument.

"...My father."

"I see…''

A moment passed… then Karui was suddenly being hugged by Kushina, who smothered her face into her bosom and turned towards Naruto and Sakura, ignoring the younger kunoichi's desperate struggles. "Congratulations, Naruto-kun! You knocked up your sister. I have no idea if I want to be proud or punch you~!" (10)

Karui went utterly stiff and a long silence filled the apartment.

A moment passed.

Two moments.



All three of them cried out in shock, although Karui's was more muffled.

"I was captured by Kumo for about a year," Kushina elaborated, her expression and tone suddenly hollow. Then, her smile returned, the light shining in her eyes once more as she continued. "Oh, you have no idea how much I wanted to see you again!" The poor ginger squealed into Kushina's chest from the bone-crushing hug.

Though she didn't want to think about that time, this was still her baby girl! Her own flesh and blood! Her firstborn that she missed ever since Minato-kun saved her! She'd been so distraught that she'd immediately tried for another, not even waiting to get back to the village in her beloved's arms.

Thus, Naruto-kun was conceived.

She had never told Minato about the girl. She saw no point.

"And now you're here… Oh, I'm so happy. Finally, my family's all here." Kushina hugged Karui again, almost crushing her.

"I― I see…'' Karui mumbled, exchanging an awkward look with her lover-brother.

Truth be told, she knew what sort of baby she was. It had never bothered her, simply meaning that her mother must've been too weak to let it happen. And she loved her father… to a point.

He was distant, and didn't really interact a lot with his kids, considering just how many he had, but he was understanding… and made damn sure they were all being taken care of.

"So… you're my sister." Naruto said awkwardly.

''...I actually suspected as much." Karui admitted.

"You did?"

"Well, there's not a lot of Uzumaki's arou―''

"Bullshit." Sakura coughed politely, looking at Naruto. The blond shrugged, not the least bit sorry for his lifestyle. She knew damn well about it, and he knew damn well how horny it actually made her.

"...I still want another, by the way." Karui couldn't look him in the eye.

Naruto stared at her, amused at her sudden shyness and awkwardness. It was honestly cute.

''I wouldn't mind giving it to you, not gonna lie."

"I do hope you don't just mean one." Kushina quipped, still hugging onto Karui, her face practically carved into a shit-eating grin.

"They are siblings," Sakura grunted.

"Only half."

"Mother." Sakura stressed her words.

''Oh please, calm your tits, Sakura. You should know better, considering your medical profession. Plus, that just means my grandbabies are twice as grandbaby!"

''...I don't even want to know," the pinkette sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, before glaring at her husband. "For every one you put in her, you will put two in me. Got it?!"

''...You do realize that's all upside, right? Two girls I get to fuck and knock up on the regular?" He grinned happily at the thought, hugging and squeezing Sakura's waist while leering at Karui, who chuckled in return.

Sakura growled at him, sounding much like a pissed off cat.

"Make that three!"


DMS Notes and Trivia:

1: I totally see him banging Mabui if anyone. I mean, who wouldn't? XD

2: I could see that being a thing if they started a relationship. If anything, I'm surprised I didn't see Sakura growing her hair back out a whole lot in NaruSaku fics… is it more common now? I should definitely check.

AdV: I just like the fanart that has longer hair / ponytail. Bite me.

3: Yup, she's still around in this one. Fight me.

AdV: Us. Or me, specifically.

4: Ninja being deployed in what looks like strictly three-to-four man cells is nothing short of stupid in my opinion.

AdV: To be fair, a 'standard fireteam' is made up of 4 blokes. Two make a squad, four make a platoon. So maybe that was the idea?

DMS: Hopefully, lol.

5: I don't care what anyone says, I declare it canon that Naruto has a thing for flat-chested women. It is the only explanation for all the shit he's willing to put up with. XD

AdV: Meh, headcanon has Sakura making use of whatever Tsunade did to get that rack. Call it perks of apprenticeship xD.

DMS: Mine is that he's not picky in that regard, to be fair, but has a weakness that Sakura unwittingly utilizes. Never underestimate the power of boners. XD

AdV: True… and I always did imagine Naruto as an ass man regardless xD.

DMS: …two weaknesses, lol.

6: Probably gonna get a lotta complaints about this, but let's be honest. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and neither of them saw him being unable to finish the job. Shit like that has consequences… and don't get me started on their willingness to ignore all the shit he does thereafter.

7: Seems in character. I always imagined her and Naruto being a thing because of their similarities.

8: Not sure why I find that easy to picture… O.o

9: I just loved this reaction. XD

10: Not gonna lie, writing Kushina in this was such a treat. I look forward to doing more with her in other fanfics. XD

Parting Notes: And that's another one done!

To the readers of Vulpine Overlord and The Mirran: rest assured, those stories will be updated as soon as I can. This was just something we shat out in one sitting after finishing the last chapter of the former and taking a short break. It was going to be posted as a bonus in addition to a regular update, but life happened. Won't be posting the next chapter of VO this week as a result. We shall see what happens later, when AdV is on summer break.

I also underestimated the amount of research needed for the next arc of The Mirran. That one's still a work in progress, but it's coming along. Slowly, but surely. Still not sure when I'll be able to update it, but it's not dead.