I wrote this story whilst recovering from knee replacement surgery last year. It was a nice distraction between therapy, doctors' appointments and pain management.
It takes place between seasons 3 and 4, a few weeks after, "The Pain in the Heart." My friend Jenmaccun is my Beta this time. Finally, a Beta who lives in the same time zone and continent as me. I am so thankful that she agreed to step in. She still has to learn how bad my writing is. Seriously, you should read some of my scripts before a Beta gets her hands on them…
Disclaimer: Bones is not mine, I'm just using the characters for this story.
The Love in the Lovemaking
Seeley Booth entered the medico-legal lab through the sliding glass doors of the Jeffersonian Institution and his eyes instantly searched the platform looking for his beautiful partner, but saw no one there. So he strolled over to her office with the intention of taking her out to dinner that Monday night.
Recently, they had started spending more time together, sharing meals and watching movies. Booth still felt bad about the two horrific weeks she'd gone through because of his fake death, and it was Sweets' fault for not telling her that Booth was actually still alive. The loss of her intern, Zack, took even more of a toll on her wounded soul. It was just too much for her at once.
Booth wanted to make things right, whilst also satisfying his growing desire to be with her, always hoping that there would be a chance that they would be more than just partners and good friends in the near future. Loving her from afar was getting harder and harder every day. The need to get closer to her, to take her in his arms, to hold her tight, was always there.
He wanted more but had absolutely no idea how she felt about it, about a romantic relationship, about him. Yes, he knew he was her friend, but did she have feelings for him beyond friendship? Sadly, he knew she was afraid to love someone. She had built walls around her heart for fear of getting hurt. He knew he'd broken down some parts of those walls over the years, but still not enough to finally let him in, to be open for him.
He stood on the doorstep of her office to check on her to look for her, but it was dark and deserted. He was about to turn and head towards limbo when he heard his longtime friend's voice calling out to him.
"Seeley, hi, are you looking for Dr. Brennan?" Booth turned and saw Cam standing right in front of him. "Um, yes."
"She's not here.'
"I see that...did she go home already?" Booth was surprised that Brennan had apparently already left; it was just after 5pm and not her normal time to leave work.
"Let's see, what's the best and quickest way to explain this?" Cam continued walking towards her office and Booth followed her. "Just after lunchtime, she got a call from her publisher." Cam shrugged. "I don't know the details of the call, but Dr. Brennan was really upset afterwards."
Booth knew that she had just finished her fourth book and it had to have something to do with it. They had reached Cam's office and Cam sat down at her desk, as Booth leaned against the doorframe, his hands in his pockets.
"She mumbled something about some changes that needed to be made to the book and that the publisher would only give her 10 days to make them." Cam looked at Booth and held up her hands helplessly. "I have absolutely no idea what it was about. But we don't have a current case, she's working a lot of overtime and so she asked me for some days off, which had to start right this afternoon. So I gave her the rest of the week off." Cam turned to her desk. "I suppose Dr. Brennan is at home, maybe you could look for her there.'
Booth said goodbye quickly and left the building immediately. He drove home, changed into comfortable clothes and at the same time ordered Thai food from their favorite restaurant. From what he'd heard, Brennan wouldn't be going with him to dinner, that was for sure. So he had to bring dinner to her.
Shortly after 7 pm, he knocked on her door, a six-pack of beer in one hand, a box of food in the other and a big smile on his face. As she opened the door, she looked at him wide-eyed, irritated because she didn't remember they had an appointment that night.
"Booth, what's going on? Do we have a case?" Without saying a word, he walked past her, food in hand, and went straight into her living room. She closed the door behind him, shaking her head as she followed on his heels.
Finally, he turned to her and answered her question. "Bones, does this look like a case?" He wiggled the food and beer in front of her and started to place the items on her dining table, only to find said table occupied. Her laptop was in the middle of the table and small index cards, similar to the ones he used for his case notes, were spread all across the surface.
He glanced at the cards and blushed slightly, but quickly turned and placed the food on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Later he would confront Brennan about what was going on with those cards; but they were supposed to eat first. He ran into the kitchen to get some plates and his gaze fell once more on a card on the table - "fellatio". He shook his head: not now. Later.
"Booth, I didn't expect you to come?" Brennan was still a little surprised why he'd stopped by. "I'm really busy right now." She pointed to her dining table. "I had to make some changes to my book." Ignoring her explanations, he placed the plates on the coffee table and pulled at her arm to make her sit on the couch with him. "But you have to eat, right...you can tell me more while we eat." He opened the containers and began filling their plates. "I'm starving: here!".
"Booth, how many times do I have to tell you that you won't starve to death because you skipped one meal." She shook her head at his constant tendency to exaggerate when it came to his food, but reached out for the plate he offered her.
"Feels like it, Bones. Feels like it."
After eating a few bites of food and taking a few sips of beer, he gestured with the bottle at her dining table. "So Bones, what's the matter, why are all these cards on your table?"
"Um, let me explain...um, my publisher isn't happy with the new book." She took another bite of her meal and, after gulping, continued. "They want me to change some things.
" Mixed up some bones?" Booth grinned and took another large bite, chewing hard.
"Of course not!" she retorted, sounding offended. "I never do that!" She had emptied her plate and placed it back on the table. "It's about the relationship between Kathy and Andy."
Booth chuckled. "What did you do, let them fight?" He suddenly remembered the cards on the table and leaned against her and nudged her shoulder, his voice getting a little hoarse. "The sex scenes not hot enough?"
Brennan looked down at her lap and rubbed her hands up her thighs. "No, obviously I'm not advancing their relationship. They want more romance and a deeper relationship."
She shot Booth an indignant sideways glance. "The exact words were, 'Maybe they should stop having great sex and start making love.'" She was a little angry. "What did they mean by that anyway?"
Booth put his plate on the table as well and wiped his mouth. "Maybe they're right." He looked into her eyes, so stormy, so blue and so vulnerable.
"What?" She jumped off the couch and paced the room. "Do you agree with them?" Now she was outraged.
"Actually, I do, yes?" He motioned for her to sit back down on the couch. "They have great sex and all, but it's not real love."
She flopped down next to him. "I don't get it, Booth. What do you mean, what are you talking about?" she asked, gesturing with her arm. "Great sex, making love...isn't it all the same?" She stared at him questioningly.
Booth was amazed. "Bones, you actually know that's not the same thing, right? We talked about the difference between crappy sex and making love after the pony play case, remember?" He gestured at her. "You agreed there was a difference, didn't you?"
"Yes, I agreed with you, back then." She pursed her lips. "I agreed that there's a difference between crappy sex on one end and good sex, or whatever you call making love, on the other." She shrugged. "I thought we were talking about the same thing; you're just using a different term."
He shook his head and waved a finger in front of her face. "No, no, Bones, that's completely wrong. There's a big difference between good sex and making love: big, really big. And you know it, don't you?"
"No, I don't know. I really don't know what you mean!"
He sighed slightly. "Really Bones?" He rubbed his face. "You really don't know the difference?"
She shook her head, her eyes wide staring straight at him. He took her hand. "Love, Bones, the difference is love...like making love.
"You can have sex, actually great sex, but if you don't love the person you're with, if there's no connection, no deeper feelings...then it's just sex...or as you might put it, 'satisfying biological urges.'" He made air quotes with his fingers.
"But if you love that person, have a deep connection, are open and vulnerable at the same time; if that person means everything to you…that's making love."
"Love doesn't exist. It's only attraction, mixed with dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. It lingers for a time and then it's gone." She jutted her chin forward, insisting on winning her argument.
"That's crap Bones, a big pile of crap...and you know it." He took her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. "How long do you want to keep telling yourself that?" She couldn't hold his gaze, her voice not as steady as she would have liked. "I don't know, my experience has been that people who tell you that they love you leave, and you get left behind and hurt, so I think my attitude, my view, is more logical." She paused, continuing in a low voice, "And safer."
She pulled her hands away, folding them in her lap and stared at them. "The same goes for lovers. They come, they go. Sex…making love…I don't see the difference."
Booth couldn't sit still. He leant forward, held out his hand, curled his index finger below her chin, and lifted her head, causing her to look into his eyes. "Bones." His voice was warm and caring. "You've actually never felt the difference?"
She tried to shake her head as much as his finger under her chin would allow, but said nothing.
"Not even with Sully?"
Another shake of the head. Straightening her shoulders, she pulled back completely. She was trying to win an argument here: absolutely the wrong time to get soft and vulnerable. "You know, I liked Sully. I really liked him. He was a great guy and the sex was…" She hesitated a moment, searching for words:
"He's a very experienced lover!
"Very well endowed!"
She stated all the facts that came to her mind that were important to her. Booth sneered.
"I know his nickname at the FBI, Bones, you don't have to point that out to me explicitly!"
She tried to calm him down quickly. "I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about in that regard."
"Huh?" Booth turned his head abruptly and gave her a questioning look: what did she mean?
She shrugged. "I mean, I only saw you flaccid...but I imagine you're not far from his size fully erect."
Booth suddenly felt very hot. "Bones!" His voice was a little louder than intended. "Are you comparing the size of our penises now?" This woman had no filter at all. "Can you please just think about how the words may affect the other person before you blurt out something like that?"
He shook his head, got off the couch and paced restlessly around the room. She stayed on the couch but kept talking to him.
"Um, I thought we were talking about sex: doesn't a penis play a very big part in that?"
He groaned. "Bones, in general, yes. But there's absolutely no need to talk about specifically…" He gestured towards his crotch. " Mine..." He shook his head. "One day you'll be, the death of me, you know that, don't you.." He walked back to the couch, wanting to change the awkward subject. "We didn't actually talk about your book, huh?"
"Yes, we did talk about that." She pointed to her dining table." They want me to change the sex scenes into scenes about making love." She stood up. "I have no idea how to do that, what I'm supposed to write!" She turned to him. "I think I might need your help with that."
"Whoa, Bones, what are you talking about?" For a moment he thought she really wanted him to make love to her just to have something to write about in her book…but she couldn't mean that, could she? He suddenly felt very hot and tried to clear his head, pushing those thoughts aside. He was so busy that he almost missed her next words.
She pointed to the cards on her table. "You tell me the difference and how to make it... I mean make love!" She sat down in front of her computer and pointed to the chair next to her, motioning for Booth to sit there.
He got up off the couch and slowly slid into the chair next to her, still a bit red in the face and feeling a little uncomfortable. He really wanted some more time to think about what she had just told him. He was flabbergasted that she obviously didn't know how to make love and that she hadn't really experienced it either. He was totally amazed at this, but one thing was certain to him: it would be him showing her how much she was loved, and it would be him who made love to her - only him. He was more than determined, and that thought made him very happy…
But now he had to focus on the task at hand. He finally took the time to scan the notes she had placed on the table. "So what do we have here?" Booth, don't let the issues here sway you, just consider these cards as "facts." He repeated this as a mantra over and over.
He made categories of where to place them.
"Sexual Positions!" He looked around and collected the cards that went with that topic. He reads them out loud.
"He on top, she on top, doggy style, straddling, spooning, against a wall..." He turned a card in his hand to show Brennan. "Bones, really? 69?" He shook his head and turned back to the cards on the table.
"So now we sort places." He let out a deep breath.
"In the shower, in the bath, in the car, on the kitchen counter, at the desk, against the wall and on the couch can also fall into this category."
That left two cards. "Hmm Bones, I'm not so sure about that. ' He looked at her, his ears still pink from the delicate subject they were discussing. "Fellatio and cunnilingus." He cleared his throat. "These aren't actually positions and it's more in the direction of lovemaking." He moved the cards to a different spot on the table. "Wouldn't you agree?"
She met his eyes, shifted her gaze to the cards in front of them and shrugged. "I don't know, although I love doing fellatio on a man." She turned her head to fully face him and stared at him. "I am actually pretty good at it; my knowledge of the human body comes in handy here." She stopped and took a deep breath. "I am not really comfortable with cunnilingus though."
"Bones," he whined. "Remember… too much information…death of me... right?" How could he get that image out of his head now? The urgent need for a cold shower crossed his mind...cold, freezing cold.
It was fitting that she wasn't comfortable with a man pleasing her, because it was too close to making love, something she didn't know about or, he felt, didn't want to know about. There were far too many risks involved. Oh Bones, you make it so difficult for yourself and miss so much when you ignore feelings or emotional connections. But he wasn't so sure she always meant what she said, or was aware of what she really said. There were enough situations he could think of, where she showed empathy, feelings, and connection. Maybe she didn't even realize that. He was on a mission here now: Bones had something to learn from him!
"So, Bones, you wrote down all these bullet points, but how do they help you with your book?"
He looked at her again, despair written all over her face. "I don't know, I just felt like I had to start somewhere, but I really don't know where to go from here, how to change anything." She let out another deep sigh. He pointed to the cards with his hand.
"You know, Bones, all these positions, all these places, they don't really matter or can be attributed to one or the other. The difference between sex and making love isn't in these cards. It can be both." Her eyes widened, but she let him talk.
"The difference is LOVE Bones. You can have the best sex in the world, know the most exciting positions and techniques and even experience tremendous orgsams; but if the two people having sex have no connection, no attachments, no feelings for one other, it will never be making love because one thing is missing: the love.
He looked at her with empathy. "As I told you months ago, making love is the most wonderful moment people can experience: two people become one, Bones. And not only with their bodies, but also with their souls."
She blinked her eyes, obviously touched by his words. "How can I put this into words? Will you help me to get it right?" Her beautiful, blue eyes shimmered wetly, begging him to help her: how could he say no?
He reached out, needing to feel her, the need to touch her becoming overwhelming, so he placed his hand on her arm. . "Yes Bones, I'll help you." He looked around the table. "Actually I already have a few ideas we need to talk about but first I think we need to get your books and write down what is happening between Kathy and Andy and where to start. Watcha think?"
He looked at his watch, surprised at how late it was. "But not now, not tonight. It's quite late and I have an early meeting with Cullen in the morning." He smiled at her.
"I promise I'll think about everything we've talked about and we'll catch up tomorrow night, okay?" She turned to him.
He got up from his chair. "What do you say: 7pm again?" He nodded at her.
"That would be fine with me." She stood up and stepped in front of him. "Thanks."
Her eyes found his. "You've given me a lot to think about and I'll take your advice to review my former books."
He headed for the door but turned around in the doorway. "Is pizza ok for dinner?"
Brennan smiled at him. "That would be great," she replied, waving at him. "Night Booth."
"Night Bones." One last smile and he was out the door.
AN: So, are you interested in reading more? Please let me know in a review. Have a nice weekend.