7Hello lovely readers, if you are here, thankyou for giving this a chance. I am definitely still working on TWF, even if it's a few words every other week ha! But this story has been niggling away, as they do, and I'm hoping that writing, and readers (hopefully!) will give me the boost to finish that.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, they do not belong to me, I'm just reorganising them for fun and nothing more…
About Time
"Are you going home for the weekend?"
Sarah sighed inwardly and looked up across the book strewn table. The sophomore she had helped earlier was smiling at her and it took a good deal of well-practised willpower not to grimace.
Somehow this question always caught her off guard. She had no understanding of why that was. After everything that had happened and time that had lapsed there should only have been some vague impersonal regret. Instead, it was clearly some short-circuit direct and dagger-like right into some unprotected spot in her subconscious.
She shook her head, hoping not only to convey her response but to shake the odd feeling that had settled on her.
"No, not this time." Was her good natured and practised reply. "Maybe in the summer…"
Sarah smiled easily enough, and the student seemed satisfied. This time. She was a friendly sort, but they hadn't yet chatted so often that the questions about home and family had started getting complicated.
"Well, hope you have a good Easter. I'm going home but working on this paper there, hence all the books! Fun times hey." She smiled and huffed in playful annoyance. But Sarah was fairly certain that this one enjoyed her assignments. "I'll see you later…" The nice girl attempted a wave as she heaved the pile of hefty books away down the central aisle and Sarah let out a breath of relief she hadn't realised had been holding.
Huh. Fun times indeed.
The family question obviously still struck an unprotected nerve. In other words, she hadn't yet quite sorted out or quashed that messy closet of emotions.
Maybe one day. But there had been so many already and there were an awful lot more of them to come. Perhaps she never would.
It had been several decades since she'd said goodbye. And the hurt was still there. Festering just under the surface, not too far from those friendly enquiries as to her background, family, her whole origin story.
That was expected of course. She had anticipated that, but the reality was so much worse.
It was damn excruciating.
One hundred years had gone by swiftly. She hadn't expected that either. It had disappeared, zipped by, gone just like that. Like a snap of his fingers. Like a blink of those searing eyes.
Well, okay, it might be one hundred. It was hard to be sure now, but it was around that mark. And it no longer mattered anyway. Or at least to her, it was the least significant part.
She had slowed or stopped aging somewhere between twenty-five and thirty years old. It was hard now to remember precisely.
It had begun at a time when her life was just what she had wanted in that moment. Her own books were well received and had a following worldwide. Not quite bestsellers but widely read with a growing fanbase. She was still young and carefree and enjoying life. She had had no big responsibilities while reaping the rewards of her success and enjoying all the benefits it offered.
Life had been fun and her family good too. A loving father who was proud of her, having gotten over his disappointment in her career direction. He had wanted her to follow him into something steady and helpful and become a lawyer. She and her stepmother had become friends and Sarah appreciated how she had been the one who had been there for her and forgave most of her well-intentioned foibles. And the kid brother who had almost grown up but still wanted to spend time with her when she was home. A far cry from the petulant teen she had been before…
They had been good times.
But counting time seemed less important when there was so much of it to be had and no one beside her to be beside her.
It had taken her closest family far longer than she'd expected to notice, or rather, for their minds to accept what their eyes were seeing. To think she had gone from those good-natured remarks about her stellar skin care regime, to later less than cleverly veiled comments regarding her plastic surgeon and whether she could pass on their details. And then the disturbed disbelief giving way to terrified acceptance. And the way they had looked at her while trying not to look at her. Because of course, she was a freak, and it scared them.
It had taken a far shorter length of time to withdraw from her and the absolute strangeness of it all. The weird otherworldliness of her.
Toby had been less bothered. He had long ago accepted her connection to something else and forgiven her for past wrongs. He'd been proud of the strength she'd shown and her steadfastness when faced with her dreams and the promise of the magic she had always longed for.
And then it had happened to him. And when it became clear that he too was not aging in a human way he'd not understood quite so well. He had claimed, rightly of course, that he'd been changed irrevocably, and his life taken from him by one foolish, selfish moment and no, it hadn't been fair.
She understood. He too had withdrawn from their previously close relationship.
He checked in now and again. Often travelling, always unreachable, he kept himself busy, staying away from her, living his life. That hurt too, though some of it was tangled up in petty jealousy. She had done the same initially, but the novelty had waned. What was the point in seeing so many amazing places if there was no one to share them with?
The magic had come later for both. It built gradually, manifesting in small incidents until they were not so small and utterly impossible to ignore.
One reason she had travelled a little longer was to visit the old places in the hopes of sparking some kind of connection or finding some ancient text to guide her. She'd mostly succeeded with only a little experimentation and assumed Toby had done the same. Those were the kinds of details he didn't share. Things which might have reminded him of a time they were close, sharing things like families did. He'd made it clear that was not what they were any longer.
There was no family now and no reasons for the usual human celebrations either. No birthdays these days, or yearly anniversaries to help marker their time together. Who would want to celebrate the endlessness of time that dragged when there was no one to share it with?
She had tried to form meaningful attachments. She really had. At first as a young woman, fresh faced and loving the freedom of college and then afterwards during those carefree years and later on when she had hoped for something more, perhaps thinking to settle down. She had so wanted a real relationship, but there was always some odd niggle in her mind with each boyfriend. Until of course, she had faced the truth written on her anti-aging face and realised she wasn't sure what was real anymore or how she could forge ahead and make a life with someone who wouldn't understand and couldn't understand when she sure as hell didn't.
Only once had she truly tried again. It was about fifteen years ago now, and things had been so good with Matty until she blabbed. Desperate for acceptance and for the truth to be known she had told him a story and watched in sadness as his loving glance had turned to amused disbelief to concern to realised horror. It was all so familiar. Not so was the memory magic she had had to weave that night and then the reluctant relocation, this time so as not to risk undoing her hard work. Memories, she came to know, were a nightmare to manage.
She had had enough of those kinds of looks and all it entailed. She knew who she needed but time had taken that hope from her too.
And yet her thoughts wandered inevitably toward him.
He didn't come. The him of the otherworld who had turned her world and meant much, for a time. Or the idea of him anyway. For so long she had built him up in her mind. Perhaps she had dreamt up the connection between them, or his intent in those last few moments. Had she really imagined his offer and pain on her refusal?
But of course, she'd expected him, and the no show hurt too. There was no blame, having long since come to terms with her own culpability. She simply wanted, needed someone that understood. And there was no one besides an emotionally unavailable brother who was who knows where.
The disappointment was hard to bear, but perhaps she deserved it. A fitting punishment maybe, to be imbued with the magic she had always wanted, when she was young and naïve, only to be denied the kind of connections that make someone human, that define lives with friendship and love.
Sarah had tried to go back there. To cross over to his world, wherever it was. But no matter how hard she tried nothing seemed to work. Her magic did not stretch that far and her tentative connection to her Labyrinth friends had long ago waned with the loss of her vanity mirror. She mused it would have been an accident just waiting to happen on any one of her numerous moving trips but in actuality had happened early on before any of this had blown up in her face. It had just stopped working as a portal one day, about twenty years after her adventure there and with no warning she had been cut off from her occasional chats with them. While they had been few and far between, her ability to call them had been a wonderful thing and she'd always been silently grateful that he had continued to allow it to work.
But no matter it was long gone, and Sarah was very much alone.
Despite this she didn't often give in to melancholy or depression. She'd been there yes, for a time. And turning inward and so focused on her loneliness she had been utterly miserable.
Eventually it had run its course. She had opened her eyes one day and known she didn't want to die, even if that were possible. And she had done research.
She did not want to lie around boneless and brooding either, reminded of an old movie and telling herself to "get busy living," rather than the alternative.
Of course, it was harder to put into action, but she'd found another life, several times over. It was small and satisfying and it had helped too, to be unknown and to build something new. Even when some of it was a lie. Like a necessary evil, Sarah couldn't truly be herself with anyone new and was forced to weave enchantments most of the places she went. The fabricated social security details, as one example, were needed to hold down a job. Her own had long since gone when she'd created the illusion of her own demise. Fun times for sure.
Yeah, she could have conjured a bank account full of whatever currency but there was nothing fulfilling or honest about that. Living meant living, daily triumphs and struggles and failures just like everyone else. And leading a good life was the way forward, a way to feed the real Sarah, the one she had been long ago. Anything else was humanity destroying and soul crushing and she was determined that she retain at least some semblance of herself even if one of those things was no longer applicable.
All of this helped her to fit in that little bit more. And the necessary magic involved was not so momentous or draining on her reserves.
What was tiring was the sorcery to maintain the glamour of her outward appearance. It was amusing and irritating to think she had spent so much time as a child imagining she was a special princess and now she really was this twisted magical being and her reality was spent hiding her otherworldly features in order to appear human again.
He would probably enjoy the irony.
She swiftly clamped down on the thought. Anything that brought him to mind was rapidly stifled in her mind. It did no good to think of him. It had led her down too many dark roads. Ones that led to nowhere good or helpful.
It had been an age.
He wasn't coming.
Well, it had been an age to her. It was probably different for him. He was used to the centuries coming and going. That he was fae was a given, his age less certain but an educated guess would have put him older than many of the civilised societies on earth.
Initially Sarah had gathered as much as she could on his kind. The myths and legends must have basis in truth somewhere. Her travels to old places had taught her some of it as well. She had been so desperate to know. And then afterward, curiosity sated, she had despaired as her status as some odd fae changeling gave her no power in the courts with which they might notice her and because by then it had been so many years and there had been no word from her friends or from their King. She'd all but given up.
So many times, she had been close to saying the words. To making a wish.
Though by then she doubted even the power of those. Perhaps that too was half her problem. Was her lack of belief interfering?
Whatever it was, something prevented her from that goal and now Sarah wondered if this was her ultimate fate, being punished in this way. Half of her soul kindled by the magic she had longed for, and the other half stunted, never quite reaching fulfilment of potential or finding love because she was barred from the world she had wanted so desperately and the effect it then had on her own power.
She shrugged such thoughts away as quickly as they drifted in. It did no good to dwell, so she turned her attention to the job at hand. A regular nine to five employment at Hartford College. She'd always loved and breathed all those books. Her love of fairy tales as a child, her love of literature at college, her love of writing her own stories afterward and then the search she had made of tomes dedicated to myth and magic after that. A library had seemed such a good compromise for her. And her knowledge of lit and mythology was a boon to those who studied it and bothered asking for guidance and yet not so famous that it drew too much attention. Her spell work had worked well this time.
The bonus of thousands of books at her fingertips was a guilty pleasure that thankfully had not waned with the years.
Sarah shut off her reading light and collected the books on the table for sorting tomorrow. Only one would travel home with her instead of being deposited on the trolley. It was another late shift but she rarely minded. It afforded her the opportunity to breathe in a different kind of world. The night had often given her such comfort. The quiet and the stars, the cool air so sweet and fresh, rejuvenating her spirit instead of chilling her bone. And a time of twilight and dreams and…no, not that again, not now.
Just stop.
The last student had left fifteen minutes previously and the night security guard had done a full sweep of the building before she and 'Zara', Sarah's current alter ego, locked up.
They walked in different directions, the guard to carry on her beat around campus and Sarah headed to the small corner apartment she could call home. For however long that might be. These days there was no use in hoping for forever, it was enough for now but could be gone tomorrow. That was reality when you lived as she did, isolated, withholding secrets, alone and lonely. It was what it was and had to be enough. And there was a kind of beauty in such simplicity, provided she could stop herself from delving more than skin deep into her own thoughts.
'Zara' really should have realised by now that nothing was ever that simple.
A lone figure lay sprawled across a strange pointy throne like seat in the middle of a quiet round stone hewn room. His striking face was held in one hand while the other tapped an odd irregular rhythm on his leg.
The room saw little in the way of dancing or shouting or merriment as it had done long ago. Certainly not the kind that had been the norm in centuries past. The goblins actively avoided most of the castle now. And there was a lot of whispering when the King did happen upon them. They huddled in corners, conversing in hushed grunty noises and startled into reverent silence when they noticed him. It was with a sad kind of acceptance that they behaved themselves. And they hopped out of sight rather quickly which only seemed to highlight his lone existence and the stark differences from any life before.
So yes, he had been a King. And was still a King but now, now things were not as they seemed.
She, was hardly ever there with him. A Queen belonged with the King didn't she? And yet this was another strange truth. And something that both pleased and irritated him.
Why had she accepted such a union if she couldn't bear to be near him or his Kingdom? Bloody politics, that's why. It was clear now that more was at play here than their political joining. He had been outmanoeuvred in the courts but again he could not remember why. Someone had clearly wanted control.
At least her absence had created such a void in which he had broken free of most of the bonds placed upon his mind. They had been quite a feat when you considered his power. But there was still work to be done. He was still under virtual house arrest. And there was something he was still missing. Something important just out of reach.
Sometimes he felt tendrils of truth reach out toward him in his dreams and woke, desperate to take them back. Alas they were still just too far to grasp. He kept trying though. He knew he was close
"…Sarah…"
Something grabbed at her through the ether. 'Zara' awoke suddenly, feeling the cold sweat that had permeated and stuck sheets in a horrible, twisted trap. She could barely move. Her heartbeat raced in response. It was terrifying, and yet, not. As it slowed, she closed her eyes and tried to lie back down again. Tried to pretend that was normal. It definitely couldn't have been so, familiar right? That hope had long been lost to her.
And yet, something deep inside her was kindling.
"Sarah…"
This time there was no mistake. She was awake. She knew that voice, that feeling it evoked. And her heartbeat sped once more as fear and something else just as dangerous warred within.
Hope was unfamiliar but powerful. And with it Sarah knew something had changed.
Sooooo what's going on here then? Sarah is a some magical half blood. She hasn't had it easy. And is J actually married *shock horror* I promise this will be a romance, there may be a few tropey obstacles to overcome but yeah.
Please do leave a review if you can and let me know what you think, or what might be coming next. I hope this has sparked some interest for you.
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