Hilary tries to understand the conflicting emotions she has regarding a certain world champion blader.

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It was a difficult feeling to explain - the way her mouth curved upwards whenever she heard his name, the way this foreign feeling invaded her body and mind, and the way just hearing his voice made her day so much better.

But he was just a friend. Right?

So, why was she so damn nervous?! It was just Tyson. A friend she had known for years. It wasn't as if he were some random dude she had met on OKBladers. She had always felt comfortable with him.

Yet something had changed.

And that change disturbed her.

"I'm in control," she told herself, speaking through clenched teeth. She looked at the screen. Mariah was typing a message.

Girl, you totally like him!

Do not, Hilary typed back.

She didn't like Tyson. As a friend, sure. He was funny. He could be trusted. He listened to her. He made her feel valued in a way no other male friend had. As much as she loved the company of Daichi, Max, Rei, Kenny and even Kai, they didn't have that chemistry. Great, she scolded herself. Now I'm bringing science into this.

Just admit it, Hilary! He makes you happy. Why does that make you feel depressed?

"Because I don't deserve it," Hilary read aloud as she typed the words into the messenger box. "I'm not good enough for him. He's rich. He's famous. He's the three-time world beyblading champion and I'm his number one cheerleader."

And she wasn't anything special to look at either nor did she have any other amazing skills and achievements to boast about. No. She was just the average Jane. The girl just struggling to survive and get by.

Are you crazy? You deserve it!

"I'm a nobody, Mariah. Why would he even like me?" Although Mariah couldn't hear it, Hilary sighed. "Besides, how can we even be sure if he sees me that way? He's nice to everyone."

Get on the phone.

"Okay." A few moments later, Mariah called. Hilary plugged in her earphones. "You know what Queen said, right? That I shouldn't get my hopes up."

Mariah sighed. "Queen's a jealous spiteful cow. You know she was fucking Tala last weekend at Michael's party and now she's dating Gordo." She made a gagging sound. "Queen's miserable. She wants you to feel miserable too because she wants what you have - a connection."

The greatest enemy was your own mind. The inner demons who raped your mind; the demons who wanted you to believe that happiness was just an illusion. Those damn voices that wanted to destroy any feeling of joy by mocking the positive angel on your other shoulder.

"But what if she is right?" Hilary sighed again. "I mean, what if it is all just in my head? I mean, yeah, he's nice to me… but he's nice to everyone, Mariah, even assholes like Queen."

"You're letting those voices of doubt get to you."

"What if those voices are the ones that are keeping me from experiencing pain?" Mariah was just trying to help. The girl always had to be a problem solver. It was in her DNA. Always had to be a mother to everyone. "I know you're trying to help and I'm grateful and all, but maybe I'm just hoping for something that doesn't even exist."

Clinging into some delusional idea that maybe… that maybe Tyson did like her back for whatever wild reason. But he didn't. Of course he didn't. How could he? She was basically a sister to him. Sure, he confided his worries in her and trusted her, but that didn't mean anything. She was just a friend. Friends confided in each other all the time.

"Not to mention there are thousands of other girls who like him too," Hilary said. "Hell, him and Julia were having a great time the other day. Did you see them at the party? They were talking. Laughing. Smiling. Clearly having a good time." Without her.

Mariah frowned. "You think too much."

"Why do you think I study psychology and sociology? Human behaviours and the mind is my area of supposed expertise." That didn't seem to include the matters of the heart however. "I'm just saying… You liked Rei didn't you? You thought he likes you back in that way. But he didn't. He liked Salima."

Mariah sighed. "I was clinging onto a childhood crush. Rei taught me how to blade. He was the only one who respected me. Not even my own brother did. But Rei gave me a chance. He was like my Prince Charming."

"And it didn't work out."

"No, it didn't. I should've known earlier because he never reciprocated. But I was a stubborn girl in love with a fairy-tale dream… But then I found Mystel and I was no longer blind."

Right. Mariah and Mystel had been a couple for just a little over a year. But there was one problem. "Tyson isn't Mystel. He's clueless. Guy is married to blading… and food. Besides, he's never shown interest in me."

Mariah made an exasperated sigh. "He talks to you."

"Kai talks to me. Mr Dickenson talks to me and he's not interested in me. Well, I certainly hope not. That would be weird," Hilary said, frowning. Now that would be a scandal.

"He willingly talks to you about stuff. Didn't you say he confides in you about things on his mind? That's a good sign."

"Of what?' Hilary scoffed. "Being friend-zoned?"

"Hey. Some of the best relationships happen between friends," Mariah said. "Michael and Emily. Case in point. It's all about developing that emotional bond first you know, and I'm pretty sure you've done. Tyson's is an emotional guy – he wears his heart on his sleeve."

Hilary sighed. "I don't know. I'm not convinced."

"Because you're doubting yourself. You overthink everything. Your mind maps out all these scenarios and your guilt decides on a negative outcome for each of those."

Hilary turned away from the screen and climbed to her feet. She sat down on her bed preferring the comfort of familiar sheets than a hard chair. "What if that's what I deserve? I'm not a good person, Mariah. I have no redeeming qualities whatsoever."

"Whoa. Hold on there, girl. Do I need to come over and give you a scolding because I will leave right now," Mariah said, her tone stern. She really was the mother hen of the blading community. "You are likable. You're smart. You're passionate. You are perceptive and you're not afraid to speak your mind."

Hilary laid down on the bed. "And I'll always be just a friend. He's not relationship material, Mariah. The thought has probably never even occurred to him. Guy has never had a single girlfriend before in his life and he's never shown to care either. Blading is his love. Do you not see the look in his eyes when he's out there in the stadium doing what he loves the most?"

She sighed again, defeated. Her mother always used to talk about boys with her when she was a teenager. How she would find love and hurt. But she was twenty-three now and still single. Still a virgin in the dating game unlike so many other people around her. What was she missing? Was she really that unattractive?

Boys often ignored her. At least, ignored her in that way. No one has ever asked her out on a date. She hadn't ever been missed either. It was almost laughable really. She was friends with the boys but none of them had ever seen her in 'that way'.

Mariah had said nice things about her, but were they really true? If they were true, why was she still single after all these years? She bit down on her bottom lip feeling the familiar threat of tears welling in her eyes.

"I wish there was an off switch," Hilary said. Tightening her fists, she added, "I wish I didn't feel a damn thing. I wish I could go back to the days where I didn't think like this."

"And that's just a part of life. It really does suck, but it's a reminder that you are human. No one is going to judge you about the way you feel, Hilary." She paused then said, "Well, some people will but they're not worth the hassle. If someone is trying to actively discourage you from feeling joy then they can fuck right off."

Hilary flinched at Mariah's crass word choice. "That's one way of putting it."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed, Hilary. Heck. Sometimes I experience guilt. Sometimes I wonder - why me? There are better girls out there. Prettier girls. Like Mariam. Julia. Yet Mystel would rather be with me. Heck, even Bryan got a date."

"Kai is single."

"Kai is an asexual monster," Mariah said.

Hilary chuckled. "That I can see."

"Now enough about Kai. We are talking about you and Tyson. Look. You two have gone through so much together over the years yet he is still there at your side because he chooses to be. He might be terrible with words; he might be clueless when it comes to dealing with these foreign feelings. But if he didn't at least value you then he would've ditched you long ago."

"He could just be a nice guy." Mariah was so persistent.

She rolled her eyes. "And he could also be crazy for you and you'd never know."

Hilary laughed. She had to. Crazy for her? Yeah right. "Oh no, now you're being dramatic. I mean if I'm friend-zoned… I'm friend-zoned, yeah? At least he'll still be there for me?" It was better than nothing. She remembered their last major argument – he had called her idea stupid and had torn up her blading plan. She had rushed off and given him the cold shoulder for a few days yet every minute away had hurt in a way she didn't think was possible.

"And if he considers you a friend it means he enjoys your company. If he's willing to confide in you then he appreciates you more than just some casual friend." There was a pause then, "Whether you want to believe it or not, you are important to him. He could confide in one of the boys or some other girl, yet he chooses you. Even in a group situation, he gives you the most attention. Not to mention, he's the only one who gets away with calling you Hil. Oh, and how could I forget, he makes you laugh."

Not even her closest girlfriends could call her that. Only Tyson could. She couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her face at the thought of his name. "Okay, so what if I like him more than a friend? It's not like anything is ever going to happen – the guy is clueless – besides, I don't want to ruin what we already have. He's the best guy friend I've ever had."

"I can't give you any advice about that – that's up to you to decide. You can stay friends, for sure. You can continue keeping things as they are now and cherishing those moments – continue making memories." She paused then, "You have to ask yourself – can you live with that? For the record, I think he does like you – more so than what you may think."

Hilary sighed. "Maybe one day something will change."

"Just remember this – not making that step could see him walking down the aisle with someone else. It's fine to wait, but don't wait forever or you'll live to regret it. Anyways. Kevin wants to watch a movie. I'll talk to you later, Hilary. Take care." Mariah hung up on the phone.

Hilary put her phone away and drew in a deep breath, gazing up at the ceiling. Why did being a human being have to be so darn hard? It was hard enough making it through every day but having to deal with complicated feelings? Things would be so much easier if feelings didn't exist – to view the world in a simple black and white.

"Damn you, Tyson," Hilary muttered. Stupid boy. She really shouldn't even be attracted to the type – he was lazy, terribly obnoxious, bull-headed, and immature – but he was also friendly, out-going, carefree, sensitive, hilarious and a great friend. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Stupid Tyson. Why did it have to be you of all people?" Though despite her complains, a smile still spread across her face. Better to be loved than be hated, after all.

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Will there be a part two? Maybe. I'll see how it all pans out and when inspiration will strike again. Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are much appreciated as always!