Jesper:

So, in the last half-hour I had learned that Kaz was in a gang, practically running said gang. And that I could want to murder someone as much as I wanted to murder Wylans father.

As soon as Pekka Rollins knocked on the door I could feel something was wrong, and I guess I was right. Because obviously this guy had caused Kaz some pretty heavy trauma. Easily indicated by the fact that my brother was in a corner trying to be as small as possible with blood Dripping from his neck.

Deciding whether to go near Kaz was difficult. Even after living with him for months. Some days he'd be fine with a foot away, and others you came within the same 20ft as him and he'd death glare you.

To be honest, I was a bit scared of him most of the time. But also intrigued, what could have happened for him to be like this, mentally, emotionally and physically. It must've been bad, me and Nina shared our theories.

The menagerie, where inej used to live? No, she would've recognized him.

Foster houses? Most likely.

Crappy parents? Possible.

Gang related injuries? Maybe a theif, or a hit man?

To be honest, we had no clue. Sure he talked to us and opened up a little, but we knew nothing about his time before coming here except for the fact that it involved a lot of trauma. Right now he was just further proving our theory.

Without a seconds notice Kaz stands up, grabbing his cane with shaky hands. He limps his way over to Pekkas unconscious body, and brings down his cane. Over. And over.

Blood is everywhere, the only thing audible is the Crack as the cane makes its way through Pekkas skull over and over. Kaz is screaming, but it's almost impossible to hear what he is saying.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU KILLED HIM FOR FUN, YOU BROKE MY LEG AND MADE ME LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO, FOR YOUR OWN ENTERTAINMENT! THEN YOU TRY TO HURT MY FAMILY! WHY. DO. YOU. KEEP. RUINING. MY. LIFE!" Each word comes with a bash to Pekkas dead body.

After what feels like seconds, and days at the same time Kaz finally runs out of energy, and just falls to the ground. It is only now I notice he has tears mixing with the blood flowing down his face.

He's crying, more like sobbing, but it still felt like something I didn't have a right to see. I didn't belong here, none of us did. Neither did Kaz, but here we were switching our stares from Kaz, to the body, and then to each other.

Colm:

I… well, cant blame Kaz for this. I would've done the same. It's not like Rollins didn't deserve it. Kaz didn't deserve any of it, even the revenge, this was going to hurt him for the rest of his life.

"Hey, Kaz, you're ok. Pekka is dead, he can't get to you." I say reassuringly to Kaz, who is on the ground sobbing so much that he hasn't breathed in over a minute.

"He's dead there, but not here." He chokes back, pointing to his head.

"He will not hurt you or anyone else again. We can help you Kaz."

"No one can help me! I'm broken, can't you see. I'ma monster, with no control, you just saw me brutally murder a man! How can you even look at me!" He says, standing up and becoming defensive.

"Because, you did what you had to do Kaz, he would just come back and hurt you. You're not the monster, he is. You saved us. I can't even know how many other people were affected by his cruelty." I say.

"You think he's the only one I've killed, tortured, hurt? He's not Colm, how do you think I became a Barrel boss, I took blood, I had blood taken. You know what they called me!" Kaz ranted, "Dirtyhands. That means exactly what it sounds like, I didn't get that name by giving candy to children." He snarled, getting closer and closer, trying to size up me.

"Calm down Kaz. You did what you had to do to survive. I've been in Ketterdam, it's kill or be killed for the locals in the Barrell, the higher end area talks about it all the time. You don't have to carry that guilt anymore." I say, looking him in the eyes.

I made a mental note to get Kaz a therapist, and a therapist for that therapist.

"Kaz, we forgive you, and want to help you, we can't do that if you don't help yourself." Nina and Jesper said insync, which was fairly impressive.

"You can't help me." He started to walk away, I signaled to Nina to slow his heartbeat and help him calm down. "Why are you doing that?" He pointed accusingly at Nina.

"Because you obviously can't calm down on your own!" Nina sassed back.

Sometimes I forgot that they were still all only 16-17. Until they said something like that I would be reminded of the fact that they hadn't had a childhood, or joy in their lives. That's why I kept taking in kids. I had taken in Inej, then she got adopted by one of the teachers at the school. Matthias I had helped find his own identity away from his cult-like religion. Wylan I had supported while he distanced himself from his father and moved in with his step mother and her baby.

Nina I had adopted, since she had escaped war in Ravka, and had become an addict. I had helped her get clean and back to the cheerful girl she is now. And Jesper had always aspired to help his friends, I'd like to take some of the credit since I raised him, but he's naturally a kind and strong spirit like his mother. And Kaz, well, I was determined to help him become better.

"Kaz, I don't just take in all the kids that I see need help, only the ones I know I can actually help. That's why I adopted you, I don't want you to be in pain, and I want to help end your struggles." Kaz had started to calm down some on his own too, I could see Nina easing out of using her grisha science.

"Why do you think you can help me? Why would you want to?" Kaz asked, so serious that you would think the fate of the universe rested on my answer.

"Because, you're not broken Kaz, nearly fractured. You're strong, and intelligent and have a bright future if you try for it. I want to help you because no one else did, and I think every kid deserves at least a chance." I answered with full honesty.

"Thank you Da." Kaz said in a vulnerable and caring voice that was very out of character for him. It took me a minute to realize he called me Da.

I gave him the biggest grin, "Anytime Son."

"Hey! Me and Inej just wanted to stop by and say— what the Fu—!" Guess we should have locked the door.