Author's note. This chapter takes place 2 months after the last chapter and Maria and the children go to her mountain every day and some of this chapter took place in the movie between the reverend mother and Maria when the reverend mother tells Maria to return to the von Trapps but instead Maria is going to realize she can't live as a nun. Enjoy.

Maria's POV

For the last 2 months I've been sneaking to my mountain to see the children every day and I know now that being a nun isn't for me. What is for me? Each time the children and I said goodbye, I felt like a piece of me is breaking each time. Maybe I should've stayed until the captain got married like I was supposed to. I was in my room pacing back and forth nervous about how I would tell the reverend mother. I heard a knock and said "Com in". Sister Margaretta walked in and said "The reverend mother will see you now Maria". I said "Yes sister Margaretta". Well, here I go. Sister Margaretta knocked on the door and reverend mother said "Come in" and Sister Margaretta walked in and the reverend mother said "Yes bring her in" and I walked in and kissed her hand.

Reverend mother said "You've been unhappy my child. I'm sorry". I said "Oh reverend mother". Reverend mother said "Sit done Maria and tell me why they sent you back". I sat down and said "They didn't send me away mother, I, I, I left". Reverend mother said "Tell me why my child". I said "Well, I was- I was scared". Reverend mother said "Scared? Were they unkind to you?!" I said "Oh no reverend mother nothing like that, they, they were the nicest people I've ever met but I was just confused. I felt- well I've never felt such a way before and it scared me so, I left". Reverend mother said "Maria this abbey is not used as an escape, you must face your problems". I said "I know that's why I asked to meet with you. I feel- I don't- I know I can't expect from me what is expected from a postulant. So, I've decided no matter how hard it is, sooner or later I'll have to face my problem". Reverend mother asked "What is this problem that will be hard to face?" I said "I don't know if I can do it though". Reverend mother asked "What is it you feel you can't face?" I said "I can't face him again" and turned away.

Reverend mother said "Him? Thank you, sister Margaretta. Are you talking about captain von Trapp?" And when the reverend mother tried to meet my eye, I looked away again. Reverend mother said "Are you in love with him?" I said "Oh I don't know- I just- I don't know the the baroness said I was and so did the children and they say that he's in love with me but I couldn't believe it, I mean why would the captain want me when he has a beautiful baroness". Reverend mother said "There's beauty in everyone some people have more beauty on the outside while others like you have more beauty on the inside which is the rarest kind of beauty". I said "But reverend mother when the baroness told me, I didn't want to believe it. I mean there were times when he would look at me and I'd feel he saw into my soul and I could hardly breath". Reverend mother asked "Did you let him see how you feel?" I said "If I did it wasn't intentional, that's what's been torturing me I was there on God's errand, if I had asked for the captain's love it would've been terribly wrong and I knew I had to leave. Oh, reverend mother how can I take my vows?"

Reverend mother said "Maria a man's love for a woman and a woman's love for a man is still Holy. You have a great amount of love to give that this world needs. What you need to find out is how God wants you to spend your love". I said "But reverend mother, I've dreamt since I was a little girl to serve God to pledge my life to him and only to him and his services". Reverend mother said "Maria if you love this man, it doesn't mean you love God any less than before". I asked "Reverend mother what shall I do? I can't go back". Reverend mother said "Yes you can and you must". I said "But mother if the captain loved me and I left, he may never want to see me ever again". Reverend mother said "Yes but you must have faith, and you'll never know if you don't try". I said "Oh but reverend mother please don't ask me to do that please let me stay". Reverend mother said "Maria this is the first step to facing your problems and you said you have to face it sooner or later". I said "Yes but perhaps later would be better please don't send me back now. Please I beg you". Reverend mother said "No. You have to find your own life, not the life you've dreamt of having". I asked "How do I find it?" Reverend mother said "You look for it my dear".

(Reverend mother)

Climb every mountain

Search high and low

Follow every byway

Every path you know

Climb every mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

Til you find your dream

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Every day of your life

For as long as you live

Climb every mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

Til you find your dream

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Every day of your life

For as long as you live

Climb every mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

Tiiiiiil you find your dreeeeeeeeeam

I realized that if I kept spending my life trying to be who I dreamt I would be, I'd miss out on who I really am and the life that's really for you. I would've told the reverend mother about the dreams I've had about the captain but I would've chickened out before I finished telling her the first dream. Reverend mother said "Go find your life Maria" and gave me a quick hug. I thought reverend mother would've been angry that I didn't want to leave here and then me telling her I don't think life as a nun is for me. But the reverend mother never gets angry or upset and when I find my life, I will always remember that she never doubted me and was patient and I left the office.