Disclaimer: Not mine. Except the story.
Summary: Rei learns that dealing with Conan-kun would always result in temporary insanity. Spoilers for Movie 20 and 22.
Note: you would need to be familiar with Movie 20 (and 22 for the omake portion) for this to make sense.
Rating: just some cursing
Other people often think that police officers just spend their time driving around town, with sirens in full blast, chasing down criminals. What is usually unseen, however, is that they are also required to complete many forms and different types of paperwork, one of which is the dreaded police report.
The police report is a document that contains an accurate retelling about a crime or incident which the officer was involved in. This document may be used in different ways such as to start an investigation, to charge a suspect with the crime, or as a reference for evaluation of the officer by his superiors.
Now, with his experience as a double agent where one should be able to justify one's potentially questionable actions to prevent from being suspected, and killed, as a mole, Rei had honed his skill for writing these reports. Not to say that he alters or lies about what happened. No, what he does is to simply use choice words in order to translate what happened into something that would be more… acceptable.
Therefore for something like 'I fought with and tried to beat the hell out of Akai Shuuichi on top of the ferris wheel because I have a grudge against him.', Rei would simply translate it into 'I encountered an unidentified person on top of the ferris wheel where the suspect Black Organization agent was being held by the PSB. In order to ensure the security of the scene, I moved to contain the potential threat.'
There is nothing wrong with writing it as such because it is true. Outwardly. As they say, actions speak louder than words, or intentions in this case. And no one can truly know anyones' intentions except for the person themselves, so why not interpret it the way it best puts you in a good light?
Of course, there are some things that even he can't believably do, like shoot the rotors of a military aircraft hundreds of feet away. So as much as he doesn't want to praise the FBI bastard, sometimes he needs to acknowledge their contributions.
So for things like, 'I threw half a dozen bombs which I disengaged from the ferris wheel into open air because only that bastard Akai can shoot down the jet fighter that was trying its best to kill everyone.', it becomes 'I collaborated with the FBI agent present in the scene and provided support by using the bombs I have previously disengaged in order for the FBI agent to damage the jet fighter that was indiscriminately shooting at the ferris wheel.'
This is the reason why he can sometimes entertain the thought of killing Akai. Because with this, he can actually kill Akai at point blank range in front of a whole range of witnesses and still get away with it by saying that this was to ensure that his status as a NOC remains secure, never mind that there can be many other ways to do so. Therefore he never thought he'd be in a situation where he couldn't justify his actions.
That is, until now.
Rei tapped his fingers on the desk, looking at the computer screen, rereading the unfinished document for the nth time. It has been hours since he started drafting the report and it doesn't look like he's about to finish soon. Because…
How the heck does one translate throwing a kid hundreds of feet above ground from one ferris wheel to the other?
Never mind that the reason for doing so is to save all of the people that were hiding in the Touto Aquarium.
Rei's fingers tapped even more frantically. Now that he was in the safety of his apartment, he thought back and wondered what had been going through his mind that made him do such an insane thing.
Because not only were they outside the safety of the ferris wheel carriage more than a hundred feet above the ground where a single misstep would mean their deaths, debris from the wrecked ferris wheel was falling everywhere and any one of the pieces could've rendered a person severely injured, if not their immediate demise. And instead of keeping Conan-kun away from all the wreckage and safe from harm, he simply followed the lead of the kid and even carried him further along the wheel where it was most dangerous. The massive bruise that he is currently sporting on his shoulder where he collided with one of the falling metalwork is testament to that fact.
And that's not all. He also listened to the kid's idea and threw him to the other ferris wheel.
Threw a kid. Who is literally half his size. He knows this very well because the kid's head didn't even reach past his waist when they had been running side by side to the edge of the wheel. And reaching the edge, he threw the kid to the other ferris wheel which was already 20 feet away. Without any harness or assurance that the kid will even reach the other side. If not for that bastard FBI agent who caught the kid, the kid would've fallen to his death!
Rei closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of desperation and hopelessness at that time seeing how the massive wheel had disengaged from the axel despite all their efforts and how it started to roll towards where all the people were hiding in refuge. There was no way they would have been able to evaluate everybody safely in such a short time. The wheel would have crushed everybody by the time one of the PSB officers on the ground would have answered his call, let alone do something about it.
Hearing that Conan-kun had an idea on how to stop it, he couldn't help but grasp onto it as well in hopes that it can somehow stop the monstrosity that was rolling down the slope in the direction of the thousands of people like an impending death wheel.
By throwing the kid. To the other wheel. As if he was a sack of rice. Or more like a shot put ball.
Letting out a hysterical laugh as the sudden image of little Conan-kun acting as the ball in the Olympics shot put competition, Rei rubbed his eyes and breathed out slowly to clear his mind. Sometimes, it helps to translate what happened by stepping back from the picture and simply state facts in a neutral manner. So he starts to type:
'The North ferris wheel had disengaged from the axel due to the attack from the jet fighter and the wheel was rolling down towards the Touto Aquarium where thousands of people were taking refuge.'
Okay. He's off to a good start.
'The PSB agent, who was currently a hundred feet above ground level on the South ferris wheel, saw a boy carrying some sort of elastic rope and was running towards the edge of the wheel. When asked what his intentions were, the boy answered that it is to attach the other end of the rope to the North ferris wheel in order to stop it from further descending towards the Touto Aquarium.
Considering the constraints in time, the PSB agent deemed that this was a logical plan therefore helped launch the boy to the North ferris wheel where the boy continued to implement the said plan of action.'
Fuck.. it still sounds bad. What if he feigns ignorance? Like,
'I have no idea what happened even though I was there at the scene but thankfully, the North ferris wheel stopped for some reason despite the fact that it was moving downhill and should've even picked up more speed and totally crushed the Touto Aquarium along with the people in it. Let's just thank our lucky stars that the wheel stopped.'
Shit, if that doesn't make him sound like an idiot.
Rei groaned and banged his head on the table. He's at the end of his wits. The deadline to file the report is looming and he is nowhere finishing it as long as this… thing he did remains as such. He had no other choice. He has to lie. Police report integrity be damned.
Getting a hold of his mobile phone, he dialed a number he hated the whole of his being.
"Hey FBI bastard, Conan-kun gave me his suspenders and I threw the suspenders to you, okay? The suspenders, you got that?"
Hours later, after Rei had submitted his report and retired to his bedroom to finally get a moment of much needed rest, he briefly wonders how the Division One officers make their reports. Considering the frequency that the kid falls upon dead bodies, he would have interacted with those officers and surely, they would have encountered the same problem as him at least once.
But then again, remembering how the kid usually leads them by their noses in the crime scenes Rei was involved in, it might not be as complicated for them. They would simply say that the kid just followed after them and suddenly, somehow, the criminal was already confessing to the murder. Or that the criminal is already unconscious by the time they arrive at the scene.
Lucky them. If only his case was that easy.
And because those officers are sane and would never even think of putting a kid in danger, no matter how capable the kid seems to be or how the kid seems to be the only hope to prevent a disaster.
Next time, Rei promises himself, he'll stay away from the kid. No matter what happens.
Raising himself from the floor, whole body feeling bruised all over and blood still dripping from his injured arm, Rei scanned at the wreckage surrounding them and felt a sense of deja vu.
Well, he knew this was coming. Ever since he intentionally involved Mouri in the incident regarding the explosion at the Summit site. And, let's face it, he had no regrets about it because looking back to the events that happened and what could've happened if he didn't involve him…
It could've been worse. So much worse. All those people in the Casino Tower could've died if the capsule's trajectory wasn't moved for a slight millimeter. The people around the Metropolitan Police Headquarters who were not able to reach the evacuation in time could've died, not even counting the huge amount of infrastructure damage that the falling satellite would have caused should it have landed in the middle of the city.
Oh, he shouldn't forget to mention that they themselves could've also died in any of the insane car stunts he did along the way. From the time Rei made his car go off rails and drove on top of the monorail, then towards the monorail like playing a game of chicken, at an angle along the monorail, and flying through the air off the top level of the building. With only the vaguest sense of an idea on how to survive landing on the opposite building.
Insane stunts which he only did so that Conan-kun could get to wherever he needed to be in time. Because the kid asked for his help.
So over-all, he doesn't really regret it. Except for the police report that is surely waiting for him to be written back in his apartment.
Fuck it, there's no way he's going to mention the kid. He'll just say he threw a bomb from the car and the explosion altered the path of the falling capsule. And no one knows that Conan-kun was in the car with him when he went from being at the Metropolitan Police Headquarters to the Edge of the Ocean in record time.
So, ignoring his heavily bleeding arm as a minor concern because this is more important, Rei approached the kid, who was currently looking all worried about the amount of Rei's blood on the floor. Aww such a sweet kid, always worried about others even if Rei was the one who involved him in this series of disasters.
"Leave the rest to me." Rei smiled and told the worried-looking kid. "You should go now."
Yes, Conan-kun should leave right now. And immediately, before anyone sees that the kid is in the building with Rei and starts asking questions.
Because there is no way he's explaining this. And they're better off not knowing anyway.
Hope you liked it!