494A/N: The situation over the last year has been crazy. Buying an apartment, dealing with war in my home country, and trying to help my family as much as I could while keeping up with social life and sports.
It's all been draining.
I apologize deeply for the short updates, but here's a little something I made for one of my Ko-Fi supporters. I thought you guys might enjoy it too!
Castermaster7 has requested a scene showing Naruto meeting the Reading audience, so this was the result! This is a chapter that's 'set' in the future where the story had already gotten to a point of Naruto and Rhea meeting.
Chapter 9 and the Reading of Chapter 8 are being written.
Hope you guys like this little thing.
Without Further Ado!
Extra scene: Papa Toad Comes Hopping
The audience had just finished another chapter of the Book.
It had received mixed reactions. Some, like Rhea, Demeter, and Aphrodite, were excited at finally seeing a potential relationship develop in the Book. Others, like Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, dreaded and hated the implications of their mother ever cozying up to another man.
Especially a pun-loving, ramen-obsessed, and uber-powerful clown with a penchant for ignoring their inter-pantheonic protocols.
The demigods were content. They had grown to like 'Super-Gramps' and his strange family and adored their doting grandmother, so having him potentially become their step(?) Grandpa was pretty cool.
Sure, the potential exponential use of puns was horrifying, but that could be forgiven if Super-Gramps taught them to shoot laser beams or fly or something…
Or just punch good. Thalia wanted to try that 'Lightning Armor' the Sage had mentioned offhandedly (something that her father wouldn't admit also piqued his interest).
Percy, meanwhile, just wanted to learn how to change his hair color to go 'Super Saiyan'. Wait he is part god, could his Super Saiyan hair be blue? That would be sick.
That or learn how to make monsters blow up like water balloons. That Ryong guy made it look awesome with his punches and kicks.
Nico, like Percy, was a kid with a very active imagination. So, he imagined himself learning to teleport to be with his dad and sister whenever he wanted.
Bianca and Annabeth had tamer ambitions. One wanted a bit of freedom and maybe to travel the world and the other wanted to sate her curiosity and learn as much as she could from the Sage. Someone who apparently knew more about how the Universe worked than her own mother.
Throughout the story, Luke had taken the time to rethink his life. He'd suddenly realized that the Olympians were as human as the mortals they often mistreated. Maybe the solution to his problems wasn't to destroy Olympus and replace one broken family with an even worse broken family.
Maybe he needed to still have some faith… and perhaps he needed to go on a quest to find the Sage and ask him to cure his mom.
Surely he'll accept… right?
…
As the gods and demigods of Olympus discussed the latest chapter among themselves, the two foreign goddesses were having their own private chat in a language only they could understand.
"I'm not comfortable with this… Auntie Rhea getting close to Papa…" the Shinto goddess pouted, while her sister shrugged.
"I mean… look, I love Papito too, but you saw what the Book showed us! He's not bien en la cabeza!" the Aztec goddess twirled her finger on the side of her head.
"So? We just have to love him more! We'll take care of him!" Amaterasu crossed her arms and huffed.
"You're just bein' selfish, Ama," her sister shook her head, for once being the more reasonable voice in the situation, "We've loved Papa for thousands of years, and he still has these issues. It's not us that's the problem. Maybe we need un enfoque diferente."
"But…" Amaterasu squirmed in her seat.
"What Hermana? Don't tell me this is about you being la chica de papá?!" Quetzalcoatl poked her, much like she always did when she wanted to infuriate her.
Much like always, it worked.
"I am not a daddy's girl!" Amaterasu pointed a finger back at her sister in protest.
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
The two sisters devolved into childish bickering as everyone else talked among themselves. Hestia rolled her eyes and let the two be. At this point, anything she did was as ineffective as stopping Artemis and Apollo's daily disputes.
Among the gods, the air wasn't much different.
"Huhuhu~! I can't wait to meet him," the Titaness wiggled in her seat excitedly and bit her lips. Wholesome and not-so-wholesome thoughts danced in her mind. A single handsome immortal with a heart of gold and a love for silly humor? The Universe might as well have gift-wrapped him for her!
Call her a cougar because, after this reading, she'll be on the prowl.
"Mother, no! I forbid it!" Zeus yelled in protest while his siblings (bar Hestia) nodded in agreement.
"I do have to agree with my husband, mother," Hera said, "as… comedic as his antics are and as caring as he's been shown to be, I would not advise fraternizing with that man. He's clearly been shown to be unstable," the Queen referred to some of the previews that gave a glimpse into the Sage's mental state.
"Yes, silly he may be, but the Sage is a Pantheonic Threat. We can't be too careful," the god of Sea explained. As much as he appreciated the Sage helping Sally and Percy, he wasn't about to have him put the moves on his mother.
"Mmm, I simply want him and that… that thing," Demeter hissed while mentioning Zetsu, much to Hades' amusement, "to stay away from me!" She paused, "AND MY BABIES!"
"Awww, and here I thought you were developing an… appreciation for the little gremlin," the god of the Underworld had a smirk playing on his face. Hey, he liked Zetsu and wanted to befriend the little guy. Framing him for destroying his sister's precious garden among other crimes was a bit of a dick move, but Demeter's screeching and bawling was more than enough to make up for it.
"Hades," Hestia frowned at him, then turned to smile fondly at her mother, shaking her head in amusement.
Rhea looked at her children and pouted, "So I can't make friends now?"
Aphrodite, seizing the moment, interjected, "Oh Rhea ma belle, we both know you want to be more than that! Hmm?" the goddess of Beauty ignored the Elder Olympians' looks of horror at the idea and squirmed in her seat. "And who could blame you? Horrid sense of fashion and humor aside, cet homme est trop canon~" she bit her lip, "tell me, Rhea, would you be opposed to… teaming up?"
The fashionista's words were met with intense protests from the eldest gods, even Hestia. One could swear Zeus was foaming at the mouth a bit too. The thought of their dear, pure, perfect mother, being sullied by this… this… circus clown!
The mere idea was enough to detach the king's domain from his body.
The demigods saw the chaos unfolding and huddled to discuss other subjects, mainly how they could each train to attain that 'evolution' Super-Gramps always talked about. A reluctant Luke joined them, making the climate a bit awkward.
The younger Olympians were either making bets about the story's relationship or busy with their own thing.
Just as the chatter reached its crescendo, a particular sound interrupted everyone in the room.
"Puru-Puru-Puru… Puru-Puru-Puru… Puru-Puru-Puru…"
The Greeks stopped what they were doing and turned in their foreign guests' direction.
Amaterasu stopped short from grabbing onto her sister's hair as her eyes lit up and she hurriedly reached into her kimono.
"Is Papito calling?" Quetzalcoatl asked, as her sister took out a large snail-like creature with a device attached to its back, much to many ladies' disgust.
"Is that a frickin' Den-Den-Mushi?" Apollo cried out as he squirmed in his seat. He could feel a nerdgasm coming! Ah~
"A Den Den what-" Artemis' question was cut off by Amaterasu's voice.
"Puru-Puru- KA CHA!"
"Papa! genki ka?" the goddess spoke in her native tongue into the snail phone's speaker. The creature sat in her lap, its antenna-like eyes focusing on the deity's visage while its anthropomorphic mouth opened to transmit the answer from the other side.
"Ama, ore da," a gruff voice spoke back through the snail's mouth.
"Zee-Zee Hermano?" the Aztec recognized her brother's voice and pushed against her sister to get closer.
"I toldja not to call me that, Quatzi," Zetsu switched to English for a common language between the three.
"Did you need something, brother? How are you and Papa doing on your vacation?" Amaterasu leaned closer to the snail.
At this point, everyone else had stopped their conversations and turned to listen in. Zeus and Demeter sported a scowl, while others like Hestia, Rhea, Aphrodite, and even Hades looked on with interest.
The snail, if possible, imitated Zetsu's resting bitch face.
"It's been…" the older Uzumaki sibling trailed off, grumbling to himself, "I mean the food's good and the fjords are pretty great but… haaaaah. Nevermind that, where are you two?" he asked.
Quetzalcoatl' sported an innocent look on her face, "hmmm~ whyyy are you asking Zee-Zee?"
"Because Gekka-O's been on my ass for the last hour asking about your whereabouts… something about trying on his new quote-unquote 'art piece,'" Zetsu began angrily. Everyone could practically hear the Uzumaki's teeth grind together through the phone. Amaterasu couldn't blame him, for she was already dreading what the Shinto god of Love had in store for her. "You didn't leave any note behind. My informants back in Takamagahara and Japan didn't have a clue, and Pops has been cooking himself in the sauna all morning, so he's not coming out anytime soon," Zetsu finished.
Amaterasu nervously turned to their hosts, silently asking if she could tell him. While Zeus and Hera vehemently shook their heads negatively, their mother and sister smiled and nodded encouragingly.
Choosing to listen to her newly adopted Auntie and Big Sis, the Shinto turned back to the snail.
"Umm… well, we're on Olympus…" her voice was soft, yet the silence that followed her revelation was deafening.
The King and Queen brought up their hands in a strangling motion.
"Huh…" the sound of Zetsu scratching his scalp came out of the snail's mouth, "... can't be a political meeting… my informants woulda told me… them coming is to Takamagahara is a no go… both Tsuchi and Tsukuyomi hate'em… haaaah… alright I give. Why are you on Olympus?"
Before Amaterasu could offer a sensible solution, Quetzalcoatl' jumped in.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! So we were each back home when this extraño destello de luz happened, and ¡Bum! We're here!"
Athena's palm met her face, as did many others in the room at the Aztec's words. Didn't she know how wrongly this could be taken?
As if to confirm their thoughts, the snail glared up at the Shinto goddess.
"Amaterasu," Zetsu said slowly, "did you get kidnapped?"
The gods and Titaness' eyes widened at this. Oh no. Oh noooooo. If the guy made this assumption then-
"KIDNAPPED?" Naruto's distinct voice rang out in the background before an explosion and rapid footsteps were heard.
"Pops! Wait! No!" Zetsu's voice was heard in the distance as the Sage took the Den-Den Mushi from his son.
"Ama! Quatzi! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did they do anything to you? Don't worry my little tadpoles! Papa Toad is coming to the rescue, and I'm bringin' a can of whoopass with me!"
"Wait! Papa, no! We didn't get-" Amaterasu tried to correct the misunderstanding.
"KA CHA!" the other line hung up, and the snail in the Shinto's lap went back to sleep.
Silence enveloped the room as the Greek gods looked at each other, then glared at Quetzalcoatl who whistled innocently.
Now was not the time for idle discussion, and Zeus knew it, as he immediately stood up with thunder shaking the room.
"Athena! Put up our defenses! We cannot be caught off guard by this fool! And you two! I will have your heads for bringing this disaster upon us!" the god King pointed his charged Master Bolt at his two guests.
The situation devolved into chaos as everyone threw in their comments or two cents. Rhea rose and moved to shield the two foreigners from her son, while Hestia did the same to the demigods.
Hera held onto her husband's forearm and tried to pull him back.
Just as the tension reached its climax, the entire room rumbled as everyone struggled to hold on.
"What's going on?"
"What's happening?"
"Are we under attack?"
"Bianca! I'm scared!"
"Don't worry Nico!"
"There's no one I can sense!" Artemis had her fingers to her forehead as she scanned the entire state of New York for any foreign energy signatures.
"Nothing on the radars either!" Hephaestus added, hurriedly checking his satellites on a portable pad.
The answer to their inquiries came in the form of a ringing from Amaterasu and Quetzalcoatl. Red runic-like symbols appeared and glowed ominously on their forearms.
"It's Papito's BTS!"
"BTS?" Apollo's eyes glowed as he tried to view a maximum of locations around them, in preparation for an attack. His powers were overcharged to the point they gave him some visions of the future. Among them, for some reason, was a Korean boy band formed in 2010, which had a fanbase so devout, that the god was almost jealous.
"W-what's a K-pop band have to do with this?" the god of the Sun stammered absentmindedly, while his sister glared at him.
"Not the time, you oaf!"
Before tensions could blow up figuratively and literally in people's faces, Hades' eyes caught onto an anomaly.
FWOOM
To everyone's shock (sans Amaterasu and Quetzalcoatl), the space under the Screen rippled as an orange tattooed hand came out of thin air.
Another then joined, as they gripped onto the fabric of space itself, treating it like one would a curtain.
The gods began sweating as the hands parted and a rift in space was torn open. Almost immediately, an immense pressure could be felt through the portal.
'W-w-what is this….' Zeus' hands clammed up, and his skin paled as a great weight fell upon his shoulders.
He was not alone. A feeling of nausea spread around the room, infecting most of the audience. The only ones unaffected were Hestia, Rhea, Amaterasu, Quetzalcoatl, and the demigods.
The kids looked at their parents in confusion, seeing their uneasy expressions; however, Hestia's warm aura alleviated their worries and calmed them down.
As the gods tried to regain their composure and assume a more aggressive stance, the portal was opened wide, showing a white void and a shadowy figure standing within it.
As soon as the figure began emerging from the tear in space-time, the god King regained his senses, and before anyone could stop him, launched his Master Bolt directly at the perceived threat.
With a roar of thunder and a flash of light, the Master Bolt crossed the distance instantaneously and struck at the portal.
FWOP
However, there were no grand explosions, shockwaves, or heat waves. The light from the attack died down to reveal a truly flabbergasting scene.
A familiar whiskered face grinned savagely at Zeus. The Sage emerged from the portal. In the blond's glowing hand lay the object of everyone's surprise. The Master Bolt was held before the man's chest, having caught the attack before it could do so much as singe his clothes.
To add confusion to the shock, the godly weapon was rendered inert and had reverted to its Celestial Bronze cylindrical form. There were nasty-looking rippling bursts of what looked like electricity, now turned harmless, almost like the bolt was being manhandled like a regular stick.
The Gallant Sage of the East stood before the Olympian council in a bathrobe, having just come out of a sauna minutes before. His appearance would've elicited blushes from some of the ladies (and a hoot from Aphrodite) had he been in his 'normal state'.
That wasn't the case, however, as the orange flame-like tattoos that once sparsely decorated his body had grown and thickened like the branches of a great tree, coiling around the man's entire frame and even extending to his face. His hair had become wilder and untamed and bore some orange strips among the golden strands.
Only two people in the room knew what that form meant.
'That's Papa/Papito's Perfect Sagehood, ' the Shinto and Aztec deities thought. The form never ceased to amaze them despite how often they've seen or felt it.
Still maintaining his vicious grin as well as the mysterious pressure bearing down on the Olympians, the Sage locked eyes with the apprehensive King.
"Oi, oi, oi, what's this now?" Naruto said in English, his grin never wavering. It only widened as he continued, "Throwing party favors already?"
Sweat rolled down Zeus' neck, and he smiled back nervously.
"Greek hospitality is really somethin'," his golden eyes surveyed the room before landing on his two daughters.
Like lifting a boot off of an insect, the pressure on the gods' shoulders suddenly disappeared, and many let out breaths of relief. The orange tattoos also receded, returning the man to the image the audience knew of from the Book.
With a cry of "MY BABIES!" Naruto instantly crossed the distance from the portal to his daughters' seats. The two ladies couldn't let so much as a peep of protest as their father heaved up both of them by their waists and twirled them in happiness.
"I was so worried when I heard you over the phone!" the Sage cried, "I thought for sure some dirty perverts were putting their hands on you! But you're safe!"
Some of the gods squawked at the accusation while others (mainly the Three Virgin goddesses) shook their heads in disappointment. That was the reputation they'd gained, it seems.
Naruto put the two flushing deities down, then hugged each one individually.
"My Darling Ray of Sunshine!" He embraced a blushing but smiling Amaterasu, who reciprocated and gave the man a smooch on his cheek.
"Papaaa~~" the Shinto sang as she nuzzled her father's neck. Her shape flickered and shifted as she got smaller until she looked the age of an adolescent version of herself. She clearly felt more comfortable in a younger form around her father.
Being the annoying little shi- sister that she was, Quetzalcoatl was quick to interrupt the tender moment. With a squeak of shock, Amaterasu was wrenched from her father's embrace before being replaced by a tackle from the spitfire of the Uzumaki family.
"Oof!" Naruto exhaled as his younger daughter rammed into his midsection and bear-hugged him. Like her sister, her form also changed. Unlike Amaterasu, the blonde amazoness assumed a non-humanoid shape.
"My Little Radiant Snake!" the man cooed at his younger daughter.
Scales and feathers covered Quetzalcoatl's new serpent body as she coiled around her father's torso like a boa constrictor. Her new form glittered with all the colors of the rainbow, fitting the title given to her by the Sage. Her forehead seemed to grow stone-like armor, and large antlers formed from the back of her skull (1).
It would have been an entirely awe-inspiring moment. A picturesque reunion one would see at the end of a Hallmark movie.
THUNK
Then Quetzalcoatl rammed her horned and stone-plated head into her father's face.
The impact sent a loud sound reverberating through the room, shocking all parties into silence. They gazed at the interaction with apprehension and confusion.
Why was one of their guests attacking her own father?
Were they going to fight?
Also… why did the impact sound like stone hitting metal?
While the elder gods and the Titaness tensed, preparing themselves to contain any chaos that might erupt, Amaterasu growled to herself as veins appeared all over her face.
"Quatzi! I told ya to stop doing that ya brat!" the Shinto Queen exclaimed, going into 'Yakuza mode' and acting as if this was a regular occurrence, much to everyone's confusion.
THUNK
Naruto returning the headbutt with fervor did not help the situation or answer any questions.
Sage and Snake looked at each other before giant grins bloomed on their faces (or what passed for one in Quetzalcoatl's case).
"Shulalalalala~"
"Bahahahaha!"
The two laughed in mirth.
Amaterasu pouted to the side. While she was a good, obedient girl whose love language was cuddles and praises, her sister thrived on physical violence, and her father did not discourage her behavior.
Nonetheless, as soon as she was within reach again, Naruto pulled his older daughter into another hug without letting her sister go.
Hestia let out a shaky smile. That was a… special kind of reunion if she'd ever seen one.
Looking at her mother, she deadpanned at the golden blush that had overtaken the Titaness' face and the coos she let out occasionally at the sight.
As for the feelings she could sense from the taller immortal- NOPE! She wasn't going to even consider this.
Unfortunately, with people like a certain Sky deity, good things never tended to last.
"RETURN MY WEAPON AT ONCE!" the voice of the King thundered through the throne room and cut through the family scene.
"Eh?" Naruto blinked as his daughters disengaged from him. Quetzalcoatl slithered over her sister's shoulders as the Shinto deity wore her like a scarf.
The elder Uzumaki brought the Bronze cylinder to his head and scratched his temple with it, wondering what the god was talking about.
His eyes shifted to the object in his hand, his eyes widening with recognition.
"Oh, this!" the man exclaimed, holding the weapon of mass destruction up, "Sorry Boyo- didn't know this was a weapon. It looks like a rolling pin. Thought you wanted to bake me a cake, ya know? Bahahahaha!" he laughed a bit as Zeus' face turned purple, while his siblings, sans Hestia, snickered.
Despite the insult to her son, Rhea held her hand in front of her mouth to muffle her giggles.
"YOU DARE MOCK ME?" Zeus shouted again, this time even affecting the demigods, who began shivering in fright.
"yOu dArE mOcK mE?" the Sage childishly repeated the question. To add insult to injury, the man even started using the Master Bolt like a back scratcher, much to the Thunder god's mounting rage and the amusement of the less mature part of the audience.
Seeing the telltale signs of her son violently erupting, Rhea finally decided enough was enough.
"ZEUS! That's enough!" A clap of her hands cut through the argument.
The Titaness rose to her full height of seven feet. Seven feet three inches if you counted her heeled sandals. She marched through the room and stood in front of the Sage, gaining his attention.
Tall, Tantalizing, and in a Tasteful Batik dress that outlined an hourglass figure… that was the sight that greeted the elder Uzumaki.
'Woah, Momma…' the man couldn't help but think, his golden eyes widening as he beheld the unearthly beauty before him.
Raven-haired tresses that coiled around a soft yet statuesque visage, a pair of green eyes that glittered like emeralds as they gazed upon the Sage, and a pair of full lips giving a kind yet firm smile.
Unlike what his children might believe, Naruto N. Uzumaki was no stranger to the opposite sex. No one with his background, lifespan, and history would be. While he had never taken a bride or been a raging pervert like his first masters and his old companion Pigsy, even he knew how to appreciate a good-looking gal.
And what a good-looking gal that was…
'Stop staring like a fool! Introduce yourself properly, or Mata'll have your head!' Naruto chastised himself and approached the Titaness.
Rhea had gone a bit stiff when the Sage reached her, both out of nervousness at meeting a Pantheonic Threat and anticipation at finally coming face to face with the latest subject of her… admiration.
It didn't help that this dreamboat of a hunk was still in a bathrobe that showed off his toned… hard… sweaty… body…
'Get ahold of yourself, girl,' Rhea swallowed, feeling like she was two hundred years old again, then steeled herself, "Ahem, if we could just all calm down. I apologize for my son's rash actions. We were simply surprised by your arrival," the Titaness spoke diplomatically and exhibited an aura of warmth against the frosty atmosphere.
The other gods tensed as well, and Zeus balled up his fists in readiness as electricity sparked off of his skin. Pantheonic Threat or not, he would absolutely jump the clown if he so much as made a wrong move toward his mother.
However, to even Amaterasu and Quetzalcoatl's surprise, Naruto stopped a few feet before the Titaness and gave a bow.
As he raised his head, he grinned and pointed the inert Master Bolt at his chest.
"Sorry for not introducing myself properly, ya know? I'm Naruto N. Uzumaki, but you guys can call me Naruto!"
Before she could reply, the man turned his head around and shouted at the portal, "OI ZETSU! MOVE YOUR BUTT HERE AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF, BOYO!"
Everyone turned their attention to the portal as it rippled and out of it stepped a grumpy Zetsu. The Uzumaki was dressed in green overalls over a yellow shirt and winter boots.
"Yo," he raised a hand in greeting, then ignored the rest of his father's request and shuffled over to reunite with his little sisters.
Said father shook his head at his son's antisocial behavior while the two sisters gushed and hugged their brother (or in Quetzalcoatl's case, coiled around him), much to Zetsu's half-hearted protests.
His eyes then swept across the room and many returned his curious gaze with wariness, though there were exceptions.
One was a gorgeous-looking 'goddess' whose appearance shifted into a mix of his daughters and his mother, with some details he recognized from some of his past flames. The look she was giving him back, nonetheless, reminded him waaaaay too much of Baigujing, Jashin, or other crazy chicks who hunted him down in the past.
'Nope.'
One was a handsome 'god' looking at him and spazzing out the same way some of Chang'E or Gekka-O's fans looked at them. He was used to avid fans, but he didn't want to deal with someone about to make a mess in their pants.
'Nuh-uh.'
One was a tough-looking 'god' who reeked of negative emotions but looked like he wanted to request something of him.
'Weird.'
One was a pretty-looking 'goddess' with corn cobs in her hair who seemed to be staring intensely at his... son?
'Hah! Not even five minutes in and my boy already snagged someone's heart…' the Sage thought, unknowingly misreading the situation.
His eyebrows raised at the next 'god'. For some reason, he bore a striking resemblance to Kagutsuchi. Heh… maybe he'd let him take a picture to show the Mecha-obsessed Shinto spirit. It would earn him a good laugh or two.
Thankfully, the next one was a beacon of purity in a sea of depravity. The 'goddess' in question hid her face beneath a modest veil that enhanced her soft features. She was giving him a curious look but still positioned herself to shield the kids huddled behind her from harm.
'Huh… she looks nice…'
He also raised his eyebrow at the sight of the demigods, his eyes quickly seeing the Domain Links they had with their parents. The kids were mostly giving him looks of awe that weren't too different from the looks he got back on Oraeguk.
He'd be lying if he said it didn't flatter him.
'I'll give the little brats some gifts. Make up for the scare I gave 'em.'
Before anything else, the man also smacked his head in realization, "I just realized I'm still in my bathrobe," he snickered to himself in embarrassment and clapped his hands.
A poof of smoke enveloped him, hiding him from view momentarily. Some of the elder gods tensed in preparation for a possible trick, only to raise a brow at the result.
The smoke dispersed to show the man standing in a dark orange tracksuit that covered most of his body yet was left unzipped over a white muscle shirt with a green necklace completing the ensemble.
Aphrodite squinted at the outfit, "Hmmm… I would have gone for more of a sport-chic look mais c'est acceptable," she tapped her chin with a dainty finger then gave the man a saucy look, "I do have to ask, mon grand Sage, who made this outfit for you? Is it that fabled Gekka-O man? I cannot recognize the design from any mortal brands."
Naruto looked at the goddess, and although the looks she had been giving him were sending alarm bells blaring in his head, he still chose to indulge her. He grabbed the jacket and looked to the side, striking a small pose as his kids snickered, "Yup, Gekka-O indeed. The guy might like putting his name on everyone's outfits, but his work is world-class!"
"When he's not hollering at you to pose for him for hours maybe," Amaterasu groaned. While Gekka-O did indeed make her amazing kimonos and dresses, he was as eccentric as a Jojo character.
Her father waved her off, "eh… Gekka's a bit flamboyant but he's just doing what he loves! That's all that matters Ama."
"Yes, Papa," the goddess nodded and leaned on her siblings as the trio sat behind Naruto.
The Titaness, who had been watching the exchange, looked at the man with a fond expression, "Well I for one think it looks great on you dear sir," she then giggled, "Huhuhu~ Oh but where are my manners? I am Rhea, the mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother of the gaggle of troublemakers behind me," she gave a polite curtsy, " and might I just say," she put a hand to her lips, "you certainly are quite the…" her emerald green eyes glossed over the Master Bolt in his hands, "shocking presence…"
The elder Olympians and the three Uzumaki progeny collectively paled.
'Oh no,' the children of Rhea collectively thought.
Naruto looked at Rhea flabbergasted.
'Oh nooooooo,' the children of Naruto groaned to themselves.
The grin on Naruto's face, if possible, became wider.
"Hah!" the man said, raising the Master Bolt in Rhea's direction. "Well, I am all about lightning the mood… eh? Eh?"
Rhea giggled, "Huhuhu~ I would thunderclap for that brilliant pun, but I'm afraid we have to clarify this misunderstanding," the Titaness smiled and put her hands together in a pleading motion, "Can you please return the Master Bolt to my son?"
Naruto harrumphed and met the glare of the now purple-faced King, who looked to be two seconds away from biting his head off, while the Queen (or he assumed that's who she was) held him back as subtly as she could.
"Eh," the Sage finally shrugged and tossed the inert Master Bolt back to Zeus, "it's too short for a backscratcher… besides," he picked into his ear and retrieved something, "mine's bigger."
Naruto gave an infuriating smirk as he made his weapon, the fabled 'Ruyi Jingu Bang' grow to the size of a staff, then proceeded to annoyingly twirl it on his fingers in a great show of dexterity.
Despite herself, the Titaness felt her face flush a tad at the double-entendre, even if it was meant as a joke.
Her thoughts were interrupted (before they could go down a path that would make Aphrodite blush), by a loud groan from the thrones.
Everyone paused and turned to look at a spasming Apollo, who looked and sounded like someone in the throes of sexual bliss.
moan
"R-r-r-r-r-ruyi J-j-j-j-j-jingu B-b-b-aaahhhhng,' the god couldn't complete his sentence and slumped over. Artemis and Zoe palmed their faces, and even Zeus looked at his son with a mix of disgust and disappointment.
Throughout this entire exchange, Zetsu's face had twisted into revulsion while his sisters reeled away from the weeb god.
The Titaness and the Sage both looked at each other.
Their cheeks puffed up as one.
"Pfft," the two tried to control themselves…
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"HUHUHUHUHUHUHU!"
…but failed.
Ten minutes of laughter and a (in Naruto's expert opinion) boring explanation later…
"Thanks, kiddo!" the Sage accepted a cup of warm tea from Hestia with a bow of his head. The goddess nodded with a warm smile, happy that the rambunctious man at least knew how to mind his manners.
Sluuuuuuuurp
Hestia's left eye twitched, 'Never mind that…'
After finishing his (annoyingly loud) slurping, Naruto put the tea down and leaned back in his seat to get more comfortable.
To his left, Quetzalcoatl wrapped her serpentine body around Zetsu who just accepted his fate as his sister's squeeze toy, and to his right, Amaterasu simply cuddled into his shoulder.
'Heh… always a daddy's girl, that one,' Naruto chuckled and wrapped a hand around his daughter, bringing her closer to his warmth.
"Soooo with that out of the way, would you like to join us?" Rhea's voice interrupted his thoughts. The beautiful immortal had taken the seat opposite to him and acted as a diplomatic representative of the Olympians. She seemed very eager for the position.
Her children though? Not so much.
"Now hold on, mother!" Poseidon was the first to protest this time, as he and his younger brother looked on in disappointment. Hades was the only exception as he sat with a smirk on his face, enjoying the unfolding chaos.
"No one said anything about him staying!" Zeus added, his wife and Demeter nodding as one.
"Indeed!" the goddess of Harvest glared at the Uzumakis, particularly the shortest among them, "if anything we should take heed from the events of the Book and keep them away!"
"Please see reason, mother!" Hera pleaded with the Titaness.
Before Rhea could retort, counter-protests made themselves known.
"I for one vote for them to stay!" Aphrodite interjected while shamelessly ogling the Sage, "I wouldn't want to miss such an…" the goddess licked her lips sensually, "... opportunity~"
Athena, Artemis, and Zoe looked at the Love goddess in disgust.
"I do too. Those guys are a riot!" Hermes laughed to himself and nudged his still-unconscious brother, "Plus I'm pretty sure Super Gramps is Apollo's biggest idol or something."
Many others voiced their agreement or indifference to the situation, but to Naruto, one thing stuck out.
"Super Gramps?" his question quieted down, and some like Zeus even tensed, believing the man to be offended.
The question also took the wind from Hermes' sails. His silver tongue turned to lead and he stammered, now aware that he might have possibly offended a guy who could curb stomp him and his family.
"I… err… it's… what the Book called you?" the god of Messengers grabbed the first excuse he could think of.
Naruto looked at him with a blank face, worrying many.
Rhea and Hestia, being the only two beings that could sense emotions, seemed to fighting down a giggle.
Finally, the Sage threw his head back and guffawed like a madman.
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUPER GRAMPS! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! BAAAAAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" The man had tears coming out of his eyes from laughter.
The effect of the latter was contagious as many others began to chuckle. Even the King and Queen cracked a smirk despite their feelings toward the Sage.
"Fufufufufufu!" Amaterasu couldn't help herself and tittered. Any other time she might have punched the insolent god's head in for calling her Papa something so unrefined, but the man's reaction surprised even her.
"SHULALALALALA!" Quetzalcoatl in her snake form, danced like a cobra and let out a melodic sound. Her laughter in this form was clearly different from her more humanoid form.
"Heh…" even the ever-stoic Zetsu huffed in amusement. It reminded him of the various ridiculous titles his Pops had gotten over the last millennia.
"Haaaah!" Naruto sighed after calming down and wiping a tear from his eye, "maaaan if Hagoromo-jiji could see me now! Promoted to Super-Gramps eh? Bahahahaha!"
This dispelled a lot of the apprehension some of the gods felt, as the man before them felt more and more like the one they read about.
"Hagoromo…" Athena jotted down on her notepad absentmindedly, "Isn't that the Sage of the Six Paths?" The name had been mentioned at some point in the Reading, and like many other pieces of information, the goddess of Wisdom was holding onto them tightly.
That got a raised brow from Naruto, "Hmm… didn't know that Book would get this deep into things," the Sage scratched his head then chuckled, "but yeah, funnily enough, I used to call him 'Super-Sage-Gramps' back when we met."
Some of the kids and younger gods laughed at the coincidence.
Athena frowned, "but that doesn't make sense! How could both of you meet, if he existed thousands of years before your time?"
In response to her, Naruto tapped his chin with an exaggerated pensive expression, then shrugged his shoulders, making his daughters and the demigods (even Annabeth) giggle.
"Eh."
"That's not an answer!" the goddess pressed with a scowl, while her father turned to her with a look of warning that screamed not to antagonize the Pantheonic Threat.
The man gave an infuriating smirk and shrugged again.
"Eh."
"YOU-" Athena restrained herself from throwing a spear at the blond's stupid smirking face.
"Sister, please!" Artemis hissed at her while Zoe glared at the Sage.
Hestia shook her head, "honestly Mister Naruto-" she started to admonish him only for him to raise a finger and interrupt her.
"Apapap!" Naruto smirked, "You are to refer to me as Super Gramps from this point on!"
Going by Hestia's expression, and Rhea's muffled laughter, that was the last thing the goddess of the Hearth wished to do.
KRAKABOOM
The sound of thunder made most of the audience jump and turn to Zeus' throne, only to be met with the angry face of the King.
His gaze was stormy as he looked down at the Sage, trying his best to intimidate the older immortal.
Naruto looked at the god of the Sky, then, like he did to his daughter, smirked.
"Eh."
That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Zeus roared in frustration at the infuriating clown, his patience's limits having been long since reached, and leaped head first at the Sage.
Naruto's eyes widened in surprise, having not expected it to be so easy to goad the god into attacking.
His eyes then narrowed and he took a fighting stance. His hand pulled back behind his hand and extended it as if he was going for the mother of all bitch slaps.
Rhea sprung into action immediately, moving to intercept her son. The rest of her family and even the foreigners moved into action too. Only Hestia stayed behind as she put up a barrier around the demigods.
Time seemed to slow down as Zeus, body sparking with electricity, flew closer to Naruto, hands outstretched in a strangling motion. The Sage on the other hand, kept his strange stance, and a not-so-negligible amount of magic (or chakra as he called it) gathered in his outstretched hand.
'I'm not going to make it!' the Titaness thought in panic. She didn't want this to erupt in bloody violence! Why couldn't her baby boy and her (hopefully) new friend get along?
Just as the King got within one meter of the Sage, Naruto lashed out with his hand. The palm was open and the trajectory was assured.
BLORF
A sound that was very different from a fleshy impact resounded as Zeus's charge was abruptly stopped and parried.
The god flew away and slid on the floor until his back hit the far wall. He opened his eyes in rage and made to get up, only to feel a wet sensation covering his face and much of his beard.
Bringing a hand to his face, the god touched the strange substance and held it out in front of his face.
'Is that… whipped cream?'
Before he could even process the incredulity of the situation, the room shook from the many roars of laughter.
No one, not even his dear mother was silent as all laughed freely in their seats at the sight of their King being treated with a pie to the face.
The demigods were trying to hide behind the couches and out of Zeus' line of sight, but their cackles gave them away.
"BAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Sage pointed at the King, "that's what you get Boyo!"
A tap on his shoulder interrupted him.
"Hmm?" As Naruto turned, his vision was obscured.
BLORF
"Mother! Really?" Hestia looked on in disappointment at the sight of Rhea shoving a butterscotch pie in the Sage's face.
"What? I'm just… pie-ing him back! Huhuhuhu~" Her laughter reignited the room as gods fell off their thrones.
Through the whipped cream covering his face, the Sage giggled like a loon and allowed Rhea to pull him up.
"BAHAHAHAHA! Nice one Rhea-chan! You've got a dough-lightful sense of humor!" The two immortals roared in laughter at their jokes.
With Zeus, the King looked at the sight. His eyes, previously alight with rage, had just… dimmed.
He was no fool. If the Sage had wanted to crush his head, he had practically given him the perfect opportunity to do so.
Instead, the blond had opted for a non-harmful, if a bit humiliating, prank and left him to reflect.
It helped that his mother got back at the Sage for him. He would have preferred smiting the fool, but he'd take what he could get.
"Husband," his wife's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and his eyes craned up to Hera's lovely face. He'd expected her usual cold look but instead was greeted with an unusually kind smile from her.
Kneeling a bit, she hefted him by the shoulder and helped him up.
"Hera… I-" Zeus began, but a finger to his lips silenced him.
"Shhh… now now, I do believe we should wash your face first. I've never heard of a whipped cream face mask but I doubt it's an effective one," the Queen of Olympus smirked at her husband, and to tease him further, she swiped some of the cream on his nose with her finger and brought it to her lips, sucking on it sensually.
"Hmmm~" Hera turned, ignoring her husband's flustered look, and dragged the god back to their family and guests.
The group had devolved into a Q session, with the younger gods and demigods even being so bold as to ask the Sage to show them tricks or recount grand tales about his adventures. One could see Rhea sitting suspiciously close to the Sage and cooing occasionally in his direction.
As if to add insult to injury, a pair of arms landed on his shoulders, each limb belonging to his brothers.
"Talk about serving you, your just desserts, brother," Poseidon smirked at him.
"While I would have preferred it to be a bit more painful, I'll take what I can get, baby brother," Hades looked at him smugly.
Looking at the entire fiasco, Zeus sighed in frustration.
"You guys suck so much."
A/N: I hope y'all liked this. I've also scattered some easter eggs for the Naruto's infamous Dad Lore. Try to find'em all!
(1) Think of Lucoa's dragon form in the show Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid (the show is weird and has a lot of creepy scenes but the aesthetics on some of these girls are great lol).
If anyone wants a continuation of this, all you have to do is direct your requests to my Ko-Fi!